by Kasha Rokshana
Sex has never been quite ‘simple’ for me as a highly creative soul with many Priestess/Oracle lifetimes, where sexuality was used in certain ways, often taking the ‘human woman’ out of the equation. I was a ‘late bloomer’ in this lifetime and that felt like a sacred self-protection provided by my Inner Protector and also my Gatekeeper, the aspect of my soul that guards/watches over the portals to other lifetimes alive in me, in order to keep me from gravitating towards to my sexuality’s power from too early of an age. I’m grateful to them for that, as then I didn’t need to walk out the trauma that many other courageous feminine souls have walked out.
A phase of promiscuity in my early twenties was enough to ‘run out’ something around physical body-based sexuality. It was a confusing time, where I was exploring spirituality and finding myself while also exploring my sexual expression. Parts of me ached to be seen and to feel beautiful, all the while I had other lifetimes bleeding through where sexuality was related to in a certain way, often as a portal for others to walk through to access the Divine Feminine.
It got to a point where I was able to dissociate from my body during intercourse, even when I didn’t consciously mean to. I was detached from my sexuality/sensuality in this way, feeling almost afraid of the power in it, and becoming more and more dissatisfied in my experience of it as it expressed in this way without a bigger awareness of what was happening.
I’ve realized since then, that what I truly needed and what my woman’s heart truly wanted, I didn’t yet possess the maturity to ask for from myself and from others. What my parts/Priestess aspects truly wanted was love and beholding. They wanted to heal, not just be a ‘portal’ they knew so well how to become. This precious gift of offering healing to others needs and wants to be expressed in other ways other than physical sexuality. It now gets to express through my creativity, through my space-holding in sessions, through my ever-healing and opening heart that is but one expression of the Divine Mother in this world, and, in my collaborations and sexual explorations with my beloved.
I have experienced profound healing through sexuality with my beloved and also solo while I waited for him. I’ve now had experiences where in sexual expression of any kind, I can feel my heart open and even burst into tears as pain comes up to be held and felt. I’ve been blessed with a partnership in which we can BOTH do this and feel all that we need to feel, together and apart. I feel our deep healing love exploration together taking us to new heights and new relationships to our physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies as we go.
Since coming back together, Aurius and I have let our sexual explorations take us wherever they need to… to the depth of some pain and to the height of feeling higher-dimensional soul aspects come through, bursting through with light language bellowing in moments and reminding us as well of ‘old-world’ rituals we are now transmuting together.
It’s been an opportunity for heart and soul awakening on both sides. It’s been a journey for me personally to keep letting this all in with him and to feel how the Divine is forever in the mix with us… our sexuality becomes then a sacred exploration of our inner worlds and the sacred US-ness world we share in our coupleship. We’ve felt the tears in our US-ness from our separation phases and our souls’ separation from each other when we incarnated too. It’s been very emotional and it’s been very awe-inspiring and an overflow into service for both of us too.
Amazing how when we wait for what’s right… and when we are willing to enter the vulnerability of our sexual expression, whether in literal sexuality or in creativity, alchemy, service, etc, we get to truly SEE and experience ourselves in a wholeness that connects so deeply to the Divine within and the Divine in others. It’s beautiful, worth every step and tear of the journey, and I LOVE where it takes me/us! ❤
Sunday’s group meditation call with Raphael and Jelelle Awen will focus on Sacred Sexuality. It’s by donation to attend live and/or receive the recording. They’ll offer some teaching and a powerful guided meditation to connect you to your own sacred sexuality exploration, however that looks/feels/is unfolding for YOU right now. More info here: soulfullheart.org/grouptransmissions
Photo is of Aurius and I visiting the Yoni Stone at Ebbor Gorge
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.