Our Perfect Imperfections

I remember when I was a kid being asked what my favorite number was and I just blurted out, “Ten!”. I think I might have been ten years old at the time. That was either a sign of self-focus or I just really liked the number 10! While growing up I did have this need for things I did to be perfect to whatever degree perfect was to a part of me. Whether it was perfect scores on tests or doing some art, perfection was a pervasive overlord in my life.

Somehow ‘perfect’ was a way to avoid failure or need for improvement. The antidote to an inner criticism of myself and, in the Shadow, the criticism of others. So much need in my subconscious and soul at the time to bear witness to, or to be, Perfection. I feel it was both nature and nature. I came into this world with it and was supported in its cultivation through my conditioning.

It came out as wanting to be the perfect student, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect son, the perfect husband. I found myself in a prison made by the Tyranny of Perfection. Being perfect was to be seen as Good or Righteous in the eyes of God in my Metasoul that I had come to realize during my early inner healing journey. It was quite the burden to bear as a young boy and my poor parents were at a loss to know how to deal with it. What resulted would be punishment for ‘unacceptable’ behavior.

When we come to Earth, we may view our caregivers as representatives of the Divine Perfection from which we are sourced. When they prove to be otherwise at a very early age, a Holy Shit moment may occur and we realize we are not in Heaven anymore only to don a new set of eyes from which to view the world with some deeper existential questions. ‘If they aren’t perfect and I come from perfection, where does that leave me? Where the hell am I? How do I navigate this place?”.

A protection forms that can also be comprised of a punishing layer whose intention it is to protect, but not necessarily in the most loving or effective way. It is trying to form a self that is acceptable to this imperfect world out seeking the perfection from which it came. A bit of a hot mess scenario but here we are! It is what we came here to work and to shift for ourselves and for the collective for we are inextricably connected.

Coming to terms with our imperfections, our ‘faults’, and our ‘missing of the mark’, are all portals back to the perfection from which we were sourced from and continue to be held by. We can all look forward to a higher timeline that may be different than the one we live in now, either inside or out. That is a deeply inherited part of our nature. We want and need bigger, better, and brighter. We don’t need to build any of those back, we just need to love our way back.

Today, let’s love the parts or aspects of us that feel imperfect, unworthy, or not ‘good’ enough to have, or be, it all. That is not to say it is okay to stay there, but it is okay to feel that way as long as we are feeling it and loving it and not just setting it aside when it comes up. It has been an ongoing process for me to keep loving and moving these parts of me into a position of feeling perfectly imperfect. That all the ‘dings and dents’ are a part of the larger tapestry that make me who I am. They are the fruits of what have healed and the seeds of what have yet to be watered.

Ten is a powerful number. It can be a reminder, a goal, or a tyrant, all depending from which direction you are looking at it. Today, it can just be a number and you can just be human. It’s okay. It’s all perfect. It’s all Love even when it doesn’t feel that way.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Wounded, The Wild, And The Feminine

This past week I moved to a new flat in another village here in Central Portugal not too far from my soul fam. It is a fresh start as I am literally the first tenant of this remodeled schist house. It is a blend of modern and historical, the natural and the practical, the masculine and the feminine. This feels like a great place for some deep reconciliation work inside of me.

Since the completion of my relationship with Kasha, I have been leaning on the practical side of myself. I talked about this in my last post. Now that things have settled, I can feel where I am needing to recalibrate myself to both my wildness and my inner feminine, as well as a blend of the two. The practical and wounded masculine part of me needs them deeply.

It is in the reintegration of these aspects of me that can support the healing and transformation of my wounded and tired matrix masculine. There is much to atone for in my departure from these energies inside of me that have always wanted a seat at the table yet have been resisted for many reasons that I am still delving into.

So much unworth has been cast onto and into the collective masculine heart. The history of its need to be closed off and in control. The deep fear of intimacy that can feel like an existential annihilation of its wounded egoic tendencies. So much clinging to provision, accomplishment, accumulation, and ‘freedom’. I put that in quotes as I feel there is a wounded relationship to freedom that actually pushes away at intimacy.

It is in this coming to terms with our own wildness and our feminine, that we can start to sense the wider aperture of our true masculine being. Our expression in the world and investment in relationships become renewed, remastered, and reborn. They become our guiding lights, our course-correctors, and our allies. They give us the courage and compassion to delve deep into that wounded and giant heart of ours.

I look forward to what arises in myself and with others as I continue this ongoing exploration inside of myself with this process of meditation, journaling, sessions, feeling, and intimate relationship with community and the Divine. It offers so much in the way of personal understanding, maturation, expansion, inner peace and Love. This is why I share my experience for others that resonate and may get something from it for themselves, as well as an invitation to start your own inner healing journey.

Much love to all of you brave hearts and souls that are choosing the path of most resistance…the path back to intimacy inside and out.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Healing Of The ‘Matrix Masculine’

This past Equinox gathering of hearts and souls pushed up a lot for me that has roots deep in my soul. I also felt how it was connected to the collective as well. When that happens it can be a lot to sort and move through. Yet, this is why I am here. This is why my soul has guided me to be a part of an intimate community so that I can feel and heal what needs feeling and healing on a personal level, which in turn makes waves in the quantum world. 

After the completion of my sacred union relationship with Kasha, I found myself in a ‘doing’ mode that seemed to put a wall around my deeper grief. I have had tender moments of loss and remorse, but it was made clear that a part of me had a strategy to ‘avoid the void’ of the deeper grief that lives inside. There is a great separation wound that exists inside that I have skirted the edges of, thinking I have met it fully, when in fact I have been swimming in the shallow end of the pool to some degree. 

This is not a prescription for me to dive into the deep end willy-nilly, but rather to be aware of the territory and let it arise in its due course. My soul will know when I am ready. Alongside the Sacred Grief, there was also another layer of inadequacy and unworth that came into my field with the acknowledged strategy of avoidance. This is tricky as I felt it in an inner masculine aspect of myself that I have worked with for a long time. He represents so much of my own personal masculine as well as a connection to what I have felt as the ‘Matrix Masculine’. 

This aspect was born/constructed from the womb of the False Mother/Father matrix we are all a part of to some degree or another. He has been wrapped up in it like a fly caught in a spider’s web. At times, he is motivated to fight against it, find freedom from it, or learn to master it. Either way there is still a relationship to it that is at odds. The history of being stuck in this loop has created a deep seed of suffering, grief, shame, and feeling lost. He has been separated from his own feminine counterpart on the inside which exacerbates the condition. 

I was shown this disconnect from my own inner feminine part as well as from my own Divine Essence or Self. It was an illumination of the wounding within the Holy Trinity of Self-to-Self, Self-to-Other, and Self-to-Divine. This masculine part of me, named Marcus, is at the hub of this. He represents so much of my power, truth, and vision. He also represents the pain, the pressure, and the punishment. 

Beside the disconnect from my inner feminine there is also one with my inner child and him. He has forgotten the art of play and the presence of innocent joy that it brings. The reconnection of all three feels like another Holy Trinity of masculine, feminine, and innocence. When we as men can have contact with all three in a sacred dance and flow, we have found ourselves on a new strata of personal experience of the world we live in. 

This compartmentalization happened for protective reasons as well as wounded ones. It is now bringing these aspects of me back into the same room and starting the healing and reunion process. I also feel a need for my beloved wounded masculine to be seen and felt as the Divine Son that he is rather than the Lost Son. That is an ongoing process that will take time as reintegration and ascension does. 

On the integrated side of the journey, it opens up more of my divine masculine heart to be in love with myself and those close to me. It opens up my trust and leadership as well as my creativity and play. It offers me a new timeline of what it means to be a human man merging again with Spirit and Source. With the Shadow and the Light. 

Thanks for taking this all in as I hope it gives a doorway into this process for others that feel a resonance with what I continue to work with inside of myself as a man in a very intimate community and healing process.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Feeling & Honouring The ‘Inner Masculine/King’ Within The Feminine

by Kasha Rokshana

Kings on the outside are returning to themselves. Men are awakening to their masculine core essences. They’re playing in the polarities they need to in order to discover themselves anew and reclaim their Kingship. There’s a lot to this process for the masculine that we as feminines can’t totally understand, except we ARE afforded a portal of some understanding through feeling our own inner masculine aspects/parts, who are in a similar process at times. 

Actually, the feminine equivalent of this process for men is a reclaiming of our Queen. She is an energy of benevolence but also has deep pain and often quite the missing of an authentic masculine counterpart – a King – in order to truly experience herself AS a Queen. Yes, I AM saying that as women we do need the masculine in our lives, in our hearts, in our bodies… as beautiful and necessary as our independence also is. 

Enter now the process of feeling your inner masculine, or you could say, your inner King. This process now offers a way for your Queen to show up in relationship to a King energy, even if it’s polarized for a while as the aches and pains of want, desire, and deep hurt now surface more so than they could have before. 

Having recently been in a long term Sacred Union bond, I can say without hesitation that my Queen got to blossom because of relating to the masculine on the outside. Also though, I couldn’t have drawn this opportunity without first having had a lot of process ground with masculine energies inside of me. I’ve experienced and felt the polarized reactions in the inner world… the hesitations and hang-ups, the love and the fighting for more love. Even today I feel there’s some tension in moments between my masculine and feminine energies, yet most of the time it feels like there’s more harmony and understanding there, more feeling of each other, and more overall unity/oneness.

I so deeply welcome you to join me and Jelelle Awen as we co-lead an upcoming women’s call focused on this process of feeling your inner masculine! It’s by donation and if you can’t attend live you’ll receive the recording, though I highly recommend coming live if you can as the womb room we create together as a group is always warm and inviting!

You can donate by visiting our shop here: soulfullheart.org/shop or via PayPal: paypal.me/jelelleawen

I’ll include the call description below so you can take in some more details about where we’re going with this one.

Love,

Kasha ♥️

~

Description: 

The Inner Masculine within a woman has many different expressions as a very sacred part/energy of our inner worlds. This range of expression can move from highly protective, fatherly energies that can be punishing to more of an ‘ideal masculine mate’ in pursuit of the feminine. The inner masculine is an aspect/part that helps women navigate the patriarchal frequencies of the Matrix in whatever ways he feels are necessary. This can sometimes bring out something overbearing in him, though he can also feel quite defeated and deflated too, especially if he hasn’t been able to help or offer support in the way he’d most like to, or helped you/parts of you avoid difficult or dark situations.

Having an intimate relationship with your Inner Masculine as a woman, whether you are single or in union with a mate, helps to illuminate your relationship to the Divine Masculine/Father expressions of the Divine. You can get a sense then of why you may feel blocked to letting them in as well as why there may be a pattern of difficult or even non-existent relationships with men on the outside. Connecting deeply with the Inner Masculine offers us (and them) so many layers of healing from the impact of other men, whether mates, fathers or other authority figures, which eventually and ideally leads to a deep forgiveness that makes room for a whole NEW experience of the masculine inside and out.

In a two-hour women’s group call on Sunday, September 18th at 5:00/17:00pm WEST (Lisbon/London)/12:00pm EDT/9:00am PDT, SoulFullHeart Sacred Feminine Teachers and Facilitators Jelelle Awen and Kasha Rokshana will explore connecting with the Inner Masculine through sharing our personal journeys and also experiences in supporting women through our SoulFullHeart quantum healing process. We will share about how through a personal relationship with your Inner Masculine, you will also come to know your feminine parts/aspects in a whole new way and on a new ground of beginning or deepening your Inner Sacred Union, which moves between your masculine and feminine parts, as well.

During this call, we will co-lead a guided meditation to connect with your Inner Masculine with the support of Divine Masculine guides, who will help hold space for this exploration and invite your masculine part(s) into a nourishing and empowering energy where they can be real and even vulnerable. You will meet with your Inner Masculine however he is expressing at this time, and feel into the relationship he currently has with your feminine parts. We will also repeat affirmations as mantras together to recode our relationships between us and our Inner Masculine individually and together as women.

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Bliss-Mess Path Of Reconciling Our Soul’s Love For The Divine

by Kasha Rokshana

I don’t know if there’s anything more complicated than our souls’ love for the Divine. It leads us to such intense places within and outside of us. It brings us to new highs and unfathomable lows… 

It inspires us to pick up where ‘we’ left off in other lifetimes, pursuing justice, pursuing love, pursuing some validation of our faith that’s maybe been lost or buried, for the sake of our soul aspects who just want the world to feel safe again… safe enough to actually feel the Divine again, to reclaim our Divine son or daughter-ship fully without fear of being persecuted for that devotion, love, and need of the Divine. 

I feel the truth of this for my own soul and what it’s taken in this lifetime alone to really reclaim my Divine Daughter essence who is so deeply devoted to the Divine within her and in the world around her. I feel how much my essence, my very soul, loves the Divine and lives to serve this love in a world that doesn’t always seem to want it, be ready for it, feel worthy of it, and will do anything at times but let itself feel held and loved. 

Maybe you recognize this for yourself, this sense of your own essence being so connected even in the midst of this vast and often intense experiment of duality that has led to so much painful polarity. Maybe you’ve felt this even in the ache for Diviner reunion within and in your outer world too that all parts of you feel on some level in this lifetime, let alone how your many soul aspects have perhaps suffered for this in other lifetimes. 

Last night we had a SoulFullHeart group call focused on the persecution wound and I realized that for myself, a huge aspect of this persecution experience has been this sense of always feeling so devoted and committed to the Divine and to love, that it’s led to some very dark timelines of ridicule and backlash… and, I realize I’m not alone in that. Those of us who have chosen to awaken to this desire for deep Divine alignment, even at the cost of anything that could possibly resemble a ‘normal’ life to most, have all experienced this and continue to endure it. 

The invitation, of course, is to continue to feel where this backlash lives within us from part to part and reconcile it there, while also validating our souls’ ongoing experiences of this theme on the outside. It’s only inside of us where we can always cultivate an inner Safe Haven, and inner Divine Temple, that can never ever leave us or be taken away from us. We can only make choices that either continue to cultivate this inner world of safety or that dismantle it instead.

After the call, Raianna and I went on a walk a little walk to get some air. On the walk, we came across fields of sunflowers which inspired mixed reactions in us both. So many of these sunflowers were scorched and had died from the severe lack of rain and extremely high temperatures here in central Portugal the last couple of months, yet even amongst the dead, there were a few that were vibrant and very much alive. 

You can see one of the living sunflowers in the photo I’m posting with this writing. I feel it as a symbol of how we’re invited to continue our own path of growth and devotion and Divine embodiment of love, even if/when the others around us in our outer worlds are choosing to experience the opposite. We are ALL in the middle of a field of ‘dying’ flowers, waiting to be reborn. We also all have this field inside of us, where our essence is waiting to shine through anew, growing, flowing, and facing towards the ‘sun’ of Divine love and support, despite all the death and darkness we’ve experienced on so many levels.

Your love for the Divine is an undying seed within you. Living into alignment with this is often a bliss-mess experience, yet we are all walking this out together at varying stages of readiness to be truly devoted to this path, wherever it’s meant to lead YOUR soul. I know nothing more fulfilling and enlivening, however challenging the path, than fully going into it, embracing that this is what you came here to experience and embody, and allowing the Divine surrender you actually know so well to bring up all that it’s meant to for the sake of your healing and deep, deep, DEEP self and soul rediscovery. 

Let me know if I can support you in any way through 1:1 sessions (with women): soulfullheart.org/sessions

With so much love,

Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Masculine And Feminine Needs & Wants In Sacred Union

By Jelelle Awen

The masculine wants to be needed.

The feminine needs to be wanted.

This is a sacred journey of polarities that sometimes is a crash and sometimes is a dance. Sometimes is a bliss and sometimes is a mess.

Neither is wrong in this core, underlying desire nor in the wounding that results in the human experience of it not getting met consistently.

As the masculine encounters being criticized, being judged, being tugged on, being controlled, being put demands by the ‘feminine’ (which is really more of a wounded masculine energy inside a feminine), then he retracts or he fights. He ghosts or he defends himself.

He is swimming in inadequacy if he doesn’t feel that he is meeting her needs….or especially if he feels like he has failed her in some way. He becomes often unable to speak this, to share these feelings with her….as if in speaking it, he is offering the most terrible confession.

As the feminine experiences being rejected, being unclaimed, a push-pull of desire for her by the masculine, she then attacks and blames with her inner masculine coming out to fight….or she crumples into core unworthiness and feeling so hurt that she is fused to the young child, the inner teenager within her. She is drowning in this hurt yet often can’t bring this vulnerably and in a way that can be felt by him.

This dynamic is not just from this life, yet produced from the original source wound of our separation from the Divine. And, downstream from that, separation from the counterpart pairbond that exists in our soul family monad of our other half holding the opposite polarity of masculine or feminine.

Variations of reactivity from when this core wounding gets triggered by each other play out in SO many ways. Yet, at the heart of it is a feminine who has felt rejected by her masculine and is still reeling from it. And at the heart of the masculine who has both been birthed by the feminine and yet also feels how with this capacity he doubts if she could ever really need him in any way.

As we feel this dynamic within us….from an Inner Masculine with our Inner Feminine, we are healing this polarity from within FIRST and primarily. We experience huge heart chakra expansion as these parts of us come into union. She forgives him for what feels like rejection even as she starts really getting how his protection of her has been his form of claiming. How he has always wanted her, just has felt inadequate to her.

And he forgives her as he feels that she has always needed him, yet doesn’t want to be suppressed by him or protected so much that she can’t be free, experience life, dare to get hurt, dare to risk and dare to dream. She DOES need him and he is worthy to show up for this.

And the Divine Father and Mother aspects show up to support each in the experience of receiving infinite love, infinite worthiness, infinite claiming by the Divine. The empty cups that lead to lashing out, defending and protecting become filled by this Divine love. And the feminine becomes more of a reflection and an embodiment of this Divine Mother energy in her unique expression. And the masculine becomes a reflection and embodiment of Divine Father energy.

As this sacred union happens within, so you can experience this on the outside with a mate who holds the other side of this polarity for you. You can be with the parts of you, both masculine and feminine, who get triggered by the deepening intimacy, the deepening mirror, the deepening challenge that if offered by TRUE sacred union when all grounds of relational transaction are coming together.

This download came in a little while ago, especially during our sacred union group calls in June (recordings available at soulfullheart.org)…realizations stemming from my relationship with Raphael as well and the phases of brief separation that opened out into more union and deeper understanding of each other.

Feels like this also speaks to a collective unveiling that is happening in the masculine/feminine dynamic in relationships and within…getting to the core of the separation wound created from the experience of polarity between us in which also so much desire for reunion also exists. Compassion for each other can arise in this space and also forgiveness for self and other.

Inner first, then outer approach allows the horizontal ground between the partners to be more clear and have more space. In this space, resonance can move, desire can move, attraction can move, and most importantly, love can move.

Love,

Jelelle Awen

Here is an inner sacred union meditation to connect more deeply to your inner masculine and feminine: https://youtu.be/YVgEANrF6J4

More info about free intros/sessions, private online community, group call events, my books at soulfullheart.org.

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Re-homing, Re-wilding, Re-integrating

This past week I have been living in an area of land just outside a village near my soul family of feminines. They live in an apartment together I have been calling the Magdalene House. So, not quite wild camping by definition, but not campground, on-grid camping either. A bit in between. A balance between the domestic and the wild.

Since my recent completion with Kasha, I have felt a need to ‘re-home’ myself more than rewild myself. I do feel a draw to get more wild by going deeper into nature but for now, practically speaking, I need a balance for many reasons. So this itches a scratch and a need.

I have felt a split inside myself between polar parts and aspects such as the domestic/wild, the practical/spiritual, the masculine/feminine, and the calm/passionte. It is interesting when I look at those in this moment and I organize them by what came first and then second I get this polarity:

The domestic, practical, calm masculine vs. the wild, spiritual, passionate feminine.

Now there are other ways to organize this list but this one in particular symbolizes something for me personally. It represents an archetypal pattern inside of myself that has played out externally but is occurring inside of me from self to self.

I feel this re-homing period is about creating a space between these parts, aspects and energies to find a safe haven to come and be felt, seen, heard, and hopefully back into union. Being a part of a sacred union off and on, I have tended to focus on the bond rather than my own unification. I have had a history of care-taking that I am in still in a process around to shift into care-giving.

True care-giving is holding a line of goodness and honesty within oneself to bring an overflow of care, compassion, and challenge if needed. If this is not being felt and intergrated internally, it just doesn’t happen on the outside. It turns into obligation, compliance, and the dreaded care-taking that really does no one any good. It may solve a short-term uncomfortability, but does not address core need and growth.

So this care-giving goes internal now. It goes into feeling and bridging these aspects inside of myself through journaling, inner dialogue, and meditation. It is feeling myself and parts in their needs, truth, and desires in each moment. Any dissonce in my field felt as a portal to this reunification inside.

It is like a zipper. I am sitting staring at one in my tent. These parts and aspects need me to zip myself up into a cohesion. A unified field of masculine/feminine, practical/spiritual, domestic/wild, and calm/passionate. I, as Gabriel, am the piece of metal that bring them together and bond them in union to form a more solid pillar of Self, both divine and human. More real and raw. More me, less other.

This has been an ongoing journey for me that has just taken the time it has and the path it has. Any self-judgements just set me back again. Yet, if they come, I will it with them, honor them, and heal them with Love. I desire that my own journey around this re-homing be an inspiration or a guide for anyone else experiencing the same, especially for men. I know there is lot for us to heal and show up for in this ongoing ascension process that just keeps getting more activated by the arising Divine Feminine.

I am having some more ideas about the different types of masculine energies that live within myself and the collective that I will be sharing soon that may be a marker for other men who may feel the same. It is becoming a deep passion of mine to serve other men on this quest for Self, Love, and Purpose while re-homing themsleves.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Love Stories Don’t End, They Start New Chapters

This was a hard post to write. It is always vulnerable to share about intimate pieces of our lives, yet in service, in transparency, and in honoring it is needed. This past month there has been a deep rumble in my union with Kasha. She and I have been in this process, community, and sacred journey for nearly 10 years together. We have been romantic for about half of those years, in and out. We even got married three and a half years ago to initiate our bond even deeper, even as that completed shortly thereafter.

There has been something deeply core between us and within each of us that has been challenging to reconcile. Each time we have gone in together, we have found new layers of intimacy together, yet also a pattern that has been undeniable between us. In our recent group session, we had to come to the honest truth that we are just not the pair-bond we thought we were.

Yes, we have so much goodness between us. Enough to power a typical relationship to the end of our lives possibly. Yet that is not why we are here. I am still coming to terms with what a sacred union even is. How scary and yet powerful it can be! There is something in me that has been polarized to letting all of that in. This inner split in me has come to my awareness recently and needs a lot of my attention and love. It has colored a lot of the way I have related to Life and Romance. I lost my Lover somewhere along the way.

I am curious how much of my soul history has been involved in these kinds of sacred bonds. I have a seed for union inside of me yet I don’t know how much it has been expressed in my lifetimes. Regardless of that possibility, I am in deep need of resolving something core inside of me that has been difficult to access in our bond together. I don’t want to be an anchor to where Kasha is needing and wanting to go in her soul around sacred romance and union.

There is a lot still to mourn and grieve around this for me. A lot to see and feel inside of myself that comes with me going forward. I said these words before and yet they still hold true today and will 10 years from now. There is always a peeling of the onion and each time we do, the tears fall. The heart gets heavy and the work begins again. Yet, for both of us, we ultimately want what is the highest calling for each of us, even if that might not be in sacred romance together. A tough pill to swallow when there is so much goodness.

A love story doesn’t always just end. It sometimes just takes on a new direction. We have been here before and we know what needs to be felt and addressed along the way. Because of what Kasha has given me, I get to see myself in a real way not only in a good way. This is the gift of sacred union whether they prolong or complete. They offer us back to ourselves and to the Divine in a new way. We see where we have grown and what still needs healing. I could not have done that without beloved Kasha. She has been a portal and catalyst for so much of my growth as well as my joy. We have had so many incredible moments together and in service.

So the road back to me begins again. The road to another layer of my authentic self and my relationship to the Divine in both Mother and Father frequencies. I have been blessed by these experiences with Kasha and have much to own on my side. Sometimes a spade is a spade, even if it looks like a heart.

Thank you to you all who have been a part of our love story. I know that there will be personal reactions to it. For those that have been around us long enough, know what we have had together and will continue to have in the decade to come. I will write more about my own process soon as I digest more of it in time. For now, thank you for taking this, and our former Usness, into your hearts.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Ending Our Sacred Union Dance

By Kasha Rokshana

Sometimes you have to go back into something you thought was over, only to complete it deeper…

My heart aches to be writing about this, but for the last month, Gabriel and I have been separating and completing our Sacred Union romance. We have been in a deep bond for the last decade and have had such profound experiences of both sacred romance and sacred friendship along the way. Each time we’ve gone back into romance together, we’ve entered as new beings, arising anew from the fires of the inner work we’ve been so dedicated to. And, each time we’ve completed we feel like different beings yet again… with more to look at and feel inside and cycles to honour and complete between us too.

As Gabriel shared in his unique way through his beautiful writing which was such a stunning tribute to our USness, we’ve had many different chapters and climbed many different mountains together, inside and out. Without this man, I wouldn’t be me… without having had our connection and to be so blessed with our draw to be around each other and support each other unendingly, I wouldn’t be the same.

It’s been a really tender process for me this past month, to feel my Queen inside of me letting go of a dream… letting go of serving together from an overflowing Sacred Union bond, of what felt like ideals being realized and dreams truly coming true, of in some ways trying much too hard to make this bond with him fit a blueprint of what I feel I truly need and desire to experience in sacred romance in this lifetime and have in many others.

That last piece has taken a while to digest and I’m still digesting it. I’m still struck by my own soul’s clarity about that which has suddenly emerged. And at the same time, I’m SO honoured by what I did get to experience by Gabriel’s side… The tender glances and romantic touches; the way he would care for me when I wasn’t well and I would take care of him; the way we would check-in daily and start our days with each other in our hearts; holding our podcast, the SoulFullHeart Current, as a sacred expression of our union. This has all made it so much harder to let go… but the unfulfilled pieces for both of us need time to be felt and we both have so much more to feel inside as we sift through the ashes of what we experienced (and didn’t) together and inside ourselves while in this bond.

I think letting go of goodness is always the hardest, isn’t it? Knowing you had something SO good, that could have really lasted a whole lifetime (and probably had in other lifetimes), and yet to still feel that crazy-making piece about it not being enough somehow, no matter where we’ve gone inside or what we’ve felt together, or what soul territory was activated and explored. I feel this craziness in moments while letting go of his hand, this dance, his wonderful way of holding me, his enormous heart that I got to experience so intimately. It feels crazy but the surrender deepens still and the Divine within me answers it all with yet more truths and clarity, more being unveiled that couldn’t be seen before, and more arising into who I’m meant to be but couldn’t become while romantically tied to him, for reasons that are still yet to be understood.

I’m grateful, so grateful, for this experience with Gabriel. I feel even my most agitated aspects/parts are grateful too. He gave me a way to see me that I couldn’t have let in any other way and he gifted me with an experience of sacred romance that will always be treasured and tucked away into my heart. I’m also grateful for the bond we’ve always had and may always have that has been here this whole time and that we’ll keep exploring outside of romance.

I love you so much, Gabriel. And I always will. Thank you for everything…


Love,
Kasha ♥️

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Lion’s Gate Invitation To Emerge Into Infinite Possibilities & Infinite Love

by Kasha Rokshana

To move out of tight-feeling places, smallness, feelings of being stuck and stagnant, takes oomph and even a ROAR at times. I feel this Lion’s Gate is inspiring this movement in myself and others, this desire to launch off a springboard and leap into the air of infinite possibilities and infinite love.

Something becomes so normalized in our Matrix connection around feeling small and the layers of this take so long sometimes, so many years, so much processing, so much deep feeling to move through. We’re conditioned to believe that ‘this is as good as it gets’ and then parts of us can become very afraid to imagine anything more is possible. Scarcity is God. Abundance is something you can only wait and work for and it may not even come to you. Unworthiness is the foundation upon which your ‘house of life’ has been built.

I’ve been feeling my Queen aspect quite a lot lately and feeling a new sense of my inner masculine King as well. They’re showing me their stuck and fearful places and where they haven’t connected deeply together, along with what they both desire to become. They are heading toward a reconciliation within themselves, with each other, and with me, plus also with the Divine which is a connection they both want to embody more. They want new levels of collaboration together without pushing or prodding, just mutual evolution and dance with their own wishes and desires. My Queen dreams and my King makes it happen. And well, maybe sometimes it’s meant to go the other way too where my King is the dreamer/visionary and my Queen can help birth it into being. I feel how they want to have a new level of maturity around this together and truly stay in the room now without suppression or fear… and I humbly feel how that’s in process for them both and not yet mastered.

This Lion’s Gate seems to really be supporting us all to move out of the Matrix at a new level, yet with honouring of the sacredness of the smallness-settling/settling for suffering too. Feeling our inner dynamics between parts/aspects is a way to do this that really brings it all inward, takes responsibility for what’s been created in the outer world, and begins to turn the ship around. There’s nothing to leap over or to make wrong in the process of feeling it all and feeling why parts of us have been ok with that being their only possible reality. Yet, maybe now it’s time to feel into the steps that can be taken to move out of it more.

Your own patterns, if you’re anything like me, may have to do with money earning and a huge mountain to climb around stability being accessible yet also using your own creativity to keep that moving along even if you do need to lean into being an ‘employee’ of some kind for a while. They may also have to do with wanting to feel more centred in the infinite possibilities of life and of love, to feel like no matter what, you’re drawing to you what you need to experience to keep you moving beyond even the most subtle suffering loops about anything… relationships, work, soul purpose expression, geography, etc.

I feel humbly like I’m learning about this all over again in a way, and I welcome that because to me it’s always interesting where these layers take me and what I learn about myself through feeling them. Without suppressing my shadow and my own parts’/Metasoul aspects’ resistances to Divine surrender and timing, I get to feel what else I and they want, desire, need. I’m afforded the opportunity to dream anew, even when there’s mourning that’s needed too…

There’s so much for us all to launch into now, to see about our soul patterns and this-lifetime patterns too. The wounded visionary is just as real as the elevated one. The wounded healer is just as real as the centred one. Your parts are just as real as your integrated wholeness. There’s so much we’re invited to just drop-in and feel, to fall in love with even in the tightest moments and the most tearful waves of grief. I feel so much desire to move beyond any settling for suffering… and I truly hope, that on whatever level you need to right now, you feel that for yourself too.

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.