Gratitude For A Decade Of Sacred Union On New Year’s Eve

By Jelelle Awen

Happy New Year’s Eve! As this decade completes and I reflect on the last ten years, what comes up in my heart is my relationship with the beautiful, genuine, enchanting man that I’ve gotten to spend it with. This relationship has provided the experience of being in an ‘usness’ yet it has also been a powerful mirror to see, feel, come to know, and express myself increasingly in my soul bigness and leading with my heart.

Raphael Awen and I married ten years ago in March, following a longing to be together that had already dissolved previous configurations in our lives that were no longer serving us. We let go of a previously beloved spiritual group and all of our social connections tied to that group and settled into a new geography together. This picture was taken on our wedding day in a studio apartment in West Vancouver, where we still didn’t even have any furniture together!

We continue every day to consciously choose this relationship as our main way to grow and learn and serve….yet it isn’t taken for granted or just assumed to be there or related to in an entitled way. It arises as we arise….inviting us into ever deeper waters of transparency together. I feel so blessed to be in this exploration with a soul who so GETS me on every level.

~

Raphael….Thank you my beloved for this ongoing exploration into intimacy, vulnerability, transparency, sacred sexuality, co-leadership in service and community, parts/Metasoul integration and quantum healing, daily living as a sacred practice, embodiment of the Divine as a man and woman….and SO MUCH more. I love you and thank you for spending these last ten years with me…..here’s to many more!!

~

 

From Raphael:

Everything for me in this past decade pales in comparison to the gift, growth, challenge, and magic of being so in life and love with you, Jelelle.

The phases we have gone through, even of ending the relationship this past year in a death and rebirth cycle, have renewed the lease on togetherness yet again.

On one hand, I have felt both stunned at the ongoing magic with no reference or experience point for it outside of myself, and no file for it, other that digesting it together, as well as allowing our ‘usness’ to inspire others. On the other hand, I’ve had to normalize the relationship to enough of a degree to be in it everyday, almost what feels like a taking it for granted. Between those two hands, I’m invited to keep feeling all there is to feel for my own growth, for our deepening service of love together and where that wishes to take me.

Thank you, Jelelle for being so fully here, in this ‘this’ together. I love you. 😍 Thank you for the honeymoon giggly anticipation of another decade together.

The Gifts And Challenges Of Soul Family

Soul family is the ultimate manifestation of our healing.

While we can feel an ache for it, there may also be parts that fear it just as much. Soul family is Love actuated and aligned. It is a fire walk and a beautifully intense journey.

As the conditioned and old ties that have bound us begin to show signs of weariness and completion, new resonance is sought and desired. There may even be a need for a solo phase to heal and realign within. There comes a time when the draw to Soul Family just becomes part of our chosen path.

I have been in this family of heart and soul for 7 years and it has been a long journey for me and my parts. I have found myself staring at the most difficult part of my growth and that is my relationship to intimacy, to transparency and to vulnerability.

This is no small feat for someone who wasn’t totally conscious of what any of that was seven ago. I just knew I needed support and guidance. Oh, and a mirror got thrown in for good measure.

I continue my healing of being in intimacy with others. It has had major challenges. Yet, my parts and I are becoming ever so much clearer that I have needed this and my soul wants me to keep moving through the tough parts.

So many projections become blatantly clear when you are in the swell of love and soul family. It is an unfortunate, yet important ground to keep working through so you can get the good stuff. The stuff you were drawn to Soul Family in the first place.

I am blessed to be a part of this with those that want to see me for who I am, not just what they think I should be, yet with their own self-loving boundaries. This is what keeps it sustainable and real. I am a better man and a better human being because of it.

So I send a deep gratitude to those that have been the biggest part of my life to date and in the future for as long as it is meant to be. Thank you and I love you, Jelelle, Raphael, and Raianna.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

A Man’s Greatest Gift…His Heart

A man’s heart is his greatest gift
And his greatest fear
He can stand in the fires of hell
With his courage and conviction
Or seek cover and asylum in his shadow

A man’s heart can be a paradox and a parable
Of the journey back to himself through the womb
There is a Killer and a Lover
A Fighter and an Ambassador
A Scientist and Poet

It is a journey that is lined with mirrors
He may choose not to look at
If he wants to maintain all that he has constructed,
Assumed and convinced of.

But if he chooses to look
To feel all that he has been afraid to see
He actually stares into his own death
His loss of control
That can only be replaced by surrender

Surrender to the burning of feeling
Of bringing himself back to life
Through this death
The death of loneliness
Of suffering
Of protecting
Of hiding

This man now stands naked
An emperor without clothes
To be seen as he is
In his humble vulnerability

This is where he rises anew
In Heart
As Soul
Surrounded…by Love
By Divinity
By Intimacy

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Giving Season In The Real Age

The holiday season is here in full force. We have many religious traditions, the winter solstice, and the turn of a new year and decade approaching. There is much anticipation of what is to come on so many levels. So many predictions and possibilities. We are awash with potential and demand at the same time.

In all of this it is easy to lose track of our selves. The parts of us that can get buried in it all. This can be a very magical time if we can take the time to slow it all down. What is that you really want if you were to be totally honest with yourself?

Now that may seem counter to the Giving Season. You ‘should’ be focused on others. Your loved ones and those that are less fortunate. It is not the others that I take issue with, it is the ‘shoulding’. That shoulding, if it exists, does not dispense or seed genuine Love at its core.

When you feel a genuine and authentic love for yourself, and all the parts of you that have been in shadow and hiding, then you bring something real to the Giving. You bring something that is not laced with guilt, duty, or obligation. It is free and flowing.

My purpose here is to bring an awareness to our giving as well as our intending, not to diminish it. What I want for all of us this coming year is a personal journey of self-love that can authentically overflow to those we come in contact with formally or informally. It is the internal combustion engine of our heart-centered alchemy.

There is a lot of hope that next year will ‘be the year’. We can hold that intention while we continue to do the work today. Right now. In this moment. That daily promise to yourself and all of your parts is what seeds that global transformation. Send love globally while you give love locally.

May this holiday season be a catalyst for your own personal evolution and arising. May the lovelight of consciousness find all of the places where we all need it the most in our shadow. Only then can the bells ring for the dawn of the Real Age.

Love to you this season.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Energy Update: Upcoming 12/12 Gateway/Full Moon Supporting Revelations & Completions

By Jelelle Awen

As Raphael and I were on a wonderful hike in the woods yesterday, we digested together about how a year ago were going through a brief, yet painful separation from each other. It was the first time in over ten years that we purposely needed to spend time apart to feel into what we wanted in the relationship and in our lives. It was a shock to be going through that crucible as we had just moved into our spacious house here in Victoria and into what we felt strongly was our higher timeline. There was much to be happy about, yet the truth of undigested and trailing edge energies between us from this life and mostly from our soul bonds/binds in other lifetimes needed to be felt. The higher frequencies of New Lemuria here in Victoria supported the flushing up of these energies.

We eventually reconciled until another separation period was necessary in March of this year. This one lasted for a painful and intense six weeks in which we even felt into moving apart from each other permanently. We thankfully came back together from these separations with renewed desire and commitment to be in the union. We fell in love again with each other in an arising way and with parts of ourselves too as the inner sacred union through parts work became a very important lifeline.

Yet, also, we came together with more clarity about what we needed from each other going forward to best serve our personal growth and SoulFullHeart too. As Raphael has been sharing lately in his videos, the growth edge of moving into co-leadership is something that we are in ongoing process with together, especially as we heal and feel into other lifetimes and karmic dynamics in our leadership expressions (which most people never get into or become conscious of at all.)

I am feeling how the energies since the 11/11 portal and through the 12:12 gateway coming up is one of supporting completions to open UP new beginnings, especially as we move into the New Earth Energies of 2020.  Energies of completion CAN be challenging to be with as they can feel so much like everything just isn’t working anymore, falling apart, or crumbling. Which, if it has been anchored to something that is no longer serving you, they ARE collapsing in order to make room for the new. The completions can be big (such as with a relationship completion, career and geography shifts, etc.) yet, also, they can be more subtle as we also let go of habits, limiting beliefs, previous knee-jerk reactions, suffering patterns, and more. 

The codes available for 12:12 (also supported by a full moon) assist with revelations/clarities and then the letting go in order to prepare for NEW beginnings in a NEW year. It can be more difficult to let these codes in if there is a resistance inside from parts of you to surrendering to the death/rebirth process and blocks to trusting the overall outcome of it. Your Inner Protector may want to keep you in a safety and comfort zone, even if you are consciously unhappy or frustrated, rather than take a risk into the unknown. You can begin negotiation with your Inner Protector around this by meeting them through this guided meditation: https://youtu.be/2FzBzK5vgck

I feel that loss can be our greatest teacher. It wakes us up from our routines and our habits. It forces us to go within and reconcile with ourselves. The grief and mourning connect us with a deeper appreciation and gratitude for what we are letting of and completing.

This 12/12 gateway is also connected to Christ/Sacred Masculine and Magdalene/Sacred Feminine consciousness. Yeshua and Magdalene can provide an infusion of Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies now to support the going in deeper or the leaving or completing. They provide a template of sacred union that activates our inner feminine and masculine. This inner union helps to heal inner polarities and fear dynamics that can keep us stuck and not able to let go.

The 12/12 gateway offers another opportunity to move into our bigness in ALL forms of unions and especially those from within us….from one part of us to another!

Photo of the sun codes was taken by me yesterday on our hike with a guided meditation filmed with me coming soon!

Join Raphael and I on Saturday, December 14th at 10:00am PDT for our last group transmission together of 2019. This group is to connect to the 12/12 gateway, digest the decade and prepare for 2020! This group transmission is open to the public. You can attend the group and/or receive the recording for an energy exchange of $15 CAD (about $11 USD). You can purchase the zoom link here to join us live and to receive the recording through your email: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/product-page/9-sacred-union-codes-group-transmission-jelelle-and-raphael-a

Or you can purchase it here through paypal: paypal.me/jelelleawen

More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/465469127414714/

Love,

Jelelle Awen

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about  1:1 individual sessions with her for women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Secret Worlds Colliding: The Reunion Of The Inner Masculine and Feminine

Seeing things that were not there
On a wing on a prayer
In this state of disrepair
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world, we were colliding
All the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

-Peter Gabriel, Secret World

The past 2 weeks I have been in mourning. Continuing to let go of my relationship to my former wife, healing companion, and soul-growth partner. This has brought me to many tears and awarenesses of who I was and have been in relationship to intimacy and romance. I have felt a closing off of my heart and a difficulty going into the core of my fear. This was a merging and fusion to my wounded inner masculine that has been on guard for most of my life.

He has been a wall builder and a camouflage artist. I do not say that with judgement, but with compassion and gratitude as I understand why. So much coming to light about how much he had to create a Secret World in order to protect my inner feminine, my sensitive heart. Fortunately it never became so hardened that I couldn’t fall in love, but it was the eventual shut-downs and push-aways that extinguished any fire that once burned hot.

I was guided in session to connect with this guarded inner masculine (i.e. Inner Protector) to feel what the walls were hiding and protecting. The walls were initially very formidable, yet were covered with foliage which suggested life. Underneath there was moisture which suggested a porosity. I found a doorway that led to another set of walls, only this time thinner and more shrub-like. It appeared as a maze or labyrinth.

As I continued, I heard a sweet song being sung with a feminine voice. I was lead to a river bank where a beautiful woman stood washing clothes. I was immediately taken to a timeline of a military man returning home from a long tour of duty, ashamed of how long he had been away and a fear that the woman he once loved may never forgive him because he had never forgiven himself.

While this felt specific, it was also symbolic. The inner masculine having been doing its ‘duty’ for so long that he had created a Secret World to protect Her. His beloved counterpart that he had almost forgotten about in the day to day fear of being seen and witnessed as lonely, tired, and unforgivable. He could feel alone, but not his loneliness.

That feels like the crux of the wounded masculine. Feeling his genuine and vulnerable loneliness. His missing of the feminine. His forgotten aspect hidden in the depth of the psyche and heart. A man’s true journey, I am realizing, is this journey back to Her and the transparency of the Secret World he has created. The walls burn down and the Emperor wears no clothes.

It is in this space that new connection arises. She takes her space next to him. She sparks the fire and warms the hearth. Helps him to thaw from the journey of the cold and the hiding. He shakes and quivers, but is held by her. He releases and dies from what was, reimagining what could be. He may still build walls, for it was all he has known to do, but She will be there to help bring them down with love in her heart. To remind him again of the journey he took to find her once again. No longer a secret world, but an open world where only real love and truth reign.

I wanted to share this as an example of what this work can lead us to inside of ourselves. As a facilitator, I am in need of healing too. I am not perfect. Just human. A man that has chosen a path of confronting the very thing parts of him fear the most. Real Love. No matter how hardened or disconnected we become, we are always in reaction this force within us that will not be denied for it is our essence and destiny to let it reign. It is the very power that we seek as humans, only to have misinterpreted what that power really is. It is my desire and calling to serve and share that with the world.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Journey Of The Ascending Masculine: Sometimes You Have To Be The ‘Bad Guy’ In Order To Be The ‘Real Guy’

A man’s emotional maturation and spiritual journey inevitably comes to a crossroad with his relationship to his mother.

I write about this today because I was recently contacted by my own mother and could feel the old energies of guilt and shame that underlied the old dynamic between us and within her. These were very subtle and yet not so subtle energies.

On the outside, or from another consciousness, one would view me as an awful son for drawing my boundaries I did years ago and choosing not to communicate unless we were in a similar transactional frequency. This recent message was a clear indicator that nothing much has changed.

The timing was auspicious as well as I had just had a process not just a few days ago where I felt more residual energies in my emotional and psychic bodies in regards to my mother and how her wounding affected me as a young boy and have lived in me through my inner child and inner teenager.

These frequencies of guilt and shame are huge energetic anchors that serve no one’s growth yet are portals into that very thing. The process was to say no more to those frequencies and to feel the part of me that needed to be a bit matter of fact about how it all made him feel growing up.

This is a big part of any man’s journey. Saying no more to what has lived between us and our mothers that has not been healthy. These can be really subtle the more you keep going in, especially when you are in an intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. There is stuff that has a very long shelf life unless we keep up the conscious exploration within.

The dichotomy of a man’s journey is that he needs to seek individuation from mom while entering The Mother at the same time. Moving from one womb to another. This can be a bit of a maddening process and one that I want women to have a perspective on to understand what this is like for the men in their lives. Not and excuse, mind you, just an understanding.

Sometimes this individuation process can come while in proximal relationship to our mothers, and other times it is just not possible. Some of the triggered responses can be how we could do such a thing to someone who did all they could for us and gave birth to us. Therein lies the trap. The guilt and shame.

I am grateful for all my mother did for me, and even in this process, continues to do so. However, birthing does not give permission to retain a free pass into my emotional body. It prevents any of us from arising into the man we ARE and having the kinds of sacred unions with women that no longer perpetuate this dynamic.

Sometimes you have to be the ‘bad guy’ in order to be the ‘real guy’.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Vulnerable Sharing From A Moment Of Deep Tears

by Kalayna Solais

Crying in the moment and I can’t 100% track it, what’s going on behind the tears… but, I thought I’d share and see what is coming through my heart in this moment. Take you along with me. 

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Sometimes there is just so much sadness that comes up in me. It’s not always linked to what I’ve gone through or am going through now. It’s not always connected to an inner process.

Sometimes it just IS. And there are so many layers to it… some of them mine, some of them not so much.

The deeper I feel it… the more I feel the sadness of a part of me coming up, but a sadness in my soul in a ‘Cries of the World’ kind of way, too.

My empath has been becoming even more sensitive than ever lately. The sense of needing the same masculinized protection inside has been healing for years. It’s time to have a more exposed, feeling, feminine heart that doesn’t need protection but needs to vulnerably share and deeply feel.

Beginning new things is always something sensitive for the younger, very feminine parts of me that care so much about being liked, being accepted, doing well… and also care SO much about others, about helping others heal, about having resonant relationships where there is genuine care, and about seeing this world we live in becoming more gentle, more open-hearted and caring, more compassionate, and ultimately much, much safer to live and breathe and emote and LOVE in.

There’s still a lingering sadness in my feminine that my last relationship is over. There’s still a way that it’s just HARD to see the growth that couldn’t happen while we were together. And there’s still so much confusion as to why this has been true. I can feel this aspect’s confusion though… her pain around relating to men in general that some of it stems from and how this relates to her relationship to my masculine inside.

When it comes to men, it’s just been SO hard to try and become what she isn’t in order to get loved, feel wanted, and belong to the man’s world. Often this has meant sacrificing something of herself for the sake of the relationship and keeping it kosher. And over the last couple of months of inner process between her and my masculine aspect(s) I’ve become more awakened to how this dynamic has lived inside of me. How he has caretaken something in her which has kept her small and how she has not been able to vulnerably invite him to actually feel her and meet her halfway in any area so that they can feel each other and really, genuinely BE together in collaboration, mutual respect for each other’s bigness, and LOVE.

So there’s that going on in this ‘now’ moment. And it doesn’t need solving or resolving… just more feeling. There’s definitely some other layer of this inner relationship coming up for me to tenderly feel with these aspects, more push-pull towards each other.

Some of the tears aren’t mine, so there’s that layer too. I don’t mind moving the ‘Cries of The World’ through my heart though. I actually feel honoured when I feel them and when I feel others and their genuine pain. This doesn’t plague me or bother me. The ‘Death Doula’ inside of me can be with the mourning and the sadness and even the frustrations. The frustrations through, because I don’t have many of my own anymore, especially in my masculine aspect, quickly move into the more vulnerable feelings of sadness that are beneath them.

Questions of “Why isn’t there more love flow in this world yet and heart warmth too?”; “Why are Disclosure people so intense still and not seeing how any focus on warfare exacerbates the problems instead of moves it all into new territory?”; “Why aren’t more souls choosing to REALLY go inward yet?”

As I feel my heart ask these questions, I know the answer already… “It’s not yet time… but it will be eventually. And the only thing YOU can do is keep going inward, keep feeling, keep sharing, and keep growing and healing, as you also respond to those who ARE ready”.

So, there it all is… different raw layers coming up on this early, EARLY Friday morning. 

I don’t often share this way because it seems to draw caretaking from others sometimes. I’m sharing this today to show how I process, the different layers I feel going on in so many moments of deep feeling, and I trust that what is meant to resonate and support your own process, will. 

Thank you so much for taking this in as you feel to for yourself. 

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Getting Sirius About Unworthiness With Love & Compassion

It is genuinely feeling our worth that leads us beyond what we have currently set up for ourselves in our experience, both externally and internally.

It is easy for our unworth to accept the environment that we have settled for, as attempting to go beyond that means we would have to feel like we deserved it to harness the power to change it. So many excuses to living a truly magical life are ways in which our unworth is telling us that it is afraid to feel the depth of this wound.

The power to manifest lies in our worth. It is the what opens the door to turning our dreams into reality. Mundane into the Sacred. It what pulls us out of the dark and into the light. But the act of letting in our worth is found in feeling the part of us that holds our unworth.

To be able to just separate that out means you have enough worth to take another step. To feel another possibility. Making the next choice while your worth holds your unworth through the doorway and into the next layer of your power and self-love. Each time you hold this unworthiness through its cycles, it surrenders more and more and you get bigger and bigger.

The experiences can be very difficult. The unworthiness, expressed in so many different ways, can win out at times. It does have an immense power, but since it was ultimately created by us in the first place means we must have the power to be hold it and love it.

This core wound will arise in times when you find yourself on your way to accessing your greatest gifts and your deepest love. It is ironically a sacred road sign that was planted by you before you even realized it. So antithetical to a rational mind bent on avoiding pain. It is easy to find ourselves being in stasis in order to not go into it. But when you are ready, when your soul and guides and soul family are there to back you up when needed, it will come to you.

It says, “I trust you and I need you.” Your unworth is your sacred treasure to the magic you have always been.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

The Velveteen Rabbit Within Us All

Digesting a lot in the aftermath of completion. My heart and consciousness still calibrating to a new reality post-marriage. There are ghost-like sensations throughout the day, things that I would normally have responded to are no longer there. It is a bit of a emotive and cognitive dissonance yet that is the very thing that lands me back into me.

Me.

Who is that even? I am beginning to become aware of who I was and which parts of me were in response to all of the relationship dynamics. I do feel a core self that has been there but the degree to which “he” showed up is still in question. That is the current process. Taking stock of where “I” was and who this “I” even is.

It is not so much existential or judgmental as it is curious with compassion. That is what allows the shadow to come out and be seen and felt. Just hanging outside the cave entrance and letting it know that I am here to be a friend and a caring advocate. Not a punisher or a hunter looking for extradition.

When we go through emotional times like this it can be so easy for a part of us to go into “fix it” mode or into the blame/shame game. Instead there is an opportunity here for us to get to some tender and profound understandings of what make us who we ARE and who we want to be going forward. This makes all our experiences sacred and meaningful. We get to come in contact with aspects of ourselves that are deep need of love and forgiveness.

Through this experience I will find something that may not look “good” or feel good, but if my Higher Heart is leading the way I can guarantee I will find something that will be real and that is what any of us can hope to aspire to. Just ask the Velveteen Rabbit.

******