by Kasha Rokshana
Now that I can actually say it’s been 10 years since my deeper healing, awakening, and remembering journey truly began in this lifetime, I’m realizing how little time 10 years actually is. It’s been a very FULL decade though with a lot that I’ve moved through and arisen into, with many waves of deep diving within. It’s been a real and humbling art form to then let the love cultivated flow outwardly to others in intimate relationship, service, and seed-planting.
The pictures of who I thought I would be have dissolved and transformed into something different, with the same essence at heart. These pictures began when my first awakening experiences happened around 20 years ago. Before my SoulFullHeart journey began, parts of me held onto a dream of becoming a well-known actress/performer while also holding space for others and hopefully making bank while doing so.
The ‘sage on a stage’ dream was quickly humbled by the recognition of how much the ‘work’ that I needed to do wasn’t on development and maintenance of a self-image that I could commoditize, or on quick fixes that promised I would overcome all of my doubts and fears with only some effort. Instead, it turned out that the work was inward. VERY inward. So inward in fact, that for a few phases I had to let go of everything that once was a sacred dream in order to let in what the real dream was… a dream of becoming a love so deep and vast and connected to the Divine, that no one and nothing on the outside could touch or taint it, even if this didn’t turn out to make me/parts of me look or seem like the well-known ‘teachers’ of our time, didn’t draw thousands of social media followers or fans, and also didn’t draw a six-figure income.
I also came to realize that even though parts of me could be quite social at times, I was actually more naturally inward and introverted. How many layers I would have had to put on to become what I originally thought I wanted to be! If it was all about love anyways and feeling on some level that I had to ‘earn’ love, then I would have become quite burned out… and I think this is what happens to many souls and the parts that had to form in order to conform to these outward-based needs and this picture of success.
In these last ten years, I’ve learned what service and empathy really mean and where they really seems to come from as both an inherent gift that lies in your heart from birth that’s meant to be shared, but also something that needs to be watered, developed, and made safe to come out. I also learned that being empathic AND compassionate is an art form in and of itself and a humbling one at that…
I’ve learned that what I thought “Sacred Union” was was really only a small picture of what it actually is… and what it actually is needs to be discovered so personally, starting from deep within you between parts of you and in your soul journey too, not simply with another on the outside. It’s taken me so much longer than parts of me thought it would to truly be ready for it and for the growth, mirrors, and depth of love it offers.
I am learning so much more, every day, about Divine feminine embodiment and what it means to be me as an energy expression of Divine Mother and a Divine Daughter. I am continually humbled by what this journey asks of me, the seeds it plants and waters in my heart, and by just how much I love the Divine in my soul… a love that more and more needs less and less from others in a certain way, though some needs remain that are fulfilled by my beloved soul family in the flesh and in the formless. It’s actually been the depth of intimacy I’ve experienced within this community that has done the most to inspire and support my inner shifts, and it’s the openings within me toward the Divine that has also inspired me so deeply and always keeps me going even through the toughest challenges.
These last ten years have been so deeply healing, even when I had to leave the SoulFullHeart room (in one sense of it) and let life be my facilitator/space holder during different phases, or when I had to leave the room of my Sacred Union relationship with Gabriel. I feel grateful for every up and down, every wobble, every triumph.
It was in every doubt and question about myself and my path, especially maybe in those times when I wasn’t been directly supported by the community and had to be ‘on my own’ for a while, that I could quite deeply recognize who I had been and the soul themes I had been working. It was during the times of ‘going without’ that I truly found how to go within, apply what I had learned, and re-enter the SoulFullHeart and Sacred Union rooms as a truly changed woman.
Truthfully, I probably spent 1-2 years out of this last decade processing on the ‘outside’ of this community, my beloved romance, and sessions. And though heartbreaking, it really did break me open.
I feel I’m digesting all of this as a way to let it in, but also to extend the invitation to your own sovereign soul, to feel into if this journey may also be for you. If you’re curious, Gabriel and I offer free 45min intro calls where we can feel this with you with lots of honesty: soulfullheart.org/sessions
Thank you for taking in this piece of my journey and feeling whatever resonance is real for you too!
P.S… here’s the first article I ever wrote for the SoulFullHeart Blog, called “Heart-To-Heart Knowing”, signed off on by a now precious part of me named “Katie”: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2012/09/19/heart-to-heart-knowing/
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
2 thoughts on “Reflecting On My Past Decade With SoulFullHeart”
Something heart warming and growth over the period of time
Thank you for taking this into your heart, Tanvir ❤