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Conversation With Divine Mother: Being Vegan As A Reflection Of Your Inner Emotional Health

Published on by Jelelle Awen

krishna with cows (2)

Note: This blog article was previously published on our SoulFullHeart Vegan Blog, which we are now consolidating into this blog.

If someone can digest a violently abused animal and not feel anything about it, that’s the degree that there is emotional abuse and violence going on subconsciously inside of them. One part to another. This abuse is a product of their childhoods and past lives. 

Hello, Divine Mother, It’s Jillian. I’m wondering if you might offer something about being vegan as a message to those who are following that path and those that are curious about it.

Hello, Jillian. I like that you are publically writing with me, like Wayne’s 90 days with Yeshua. Perhaps we would do 90 days together too?

J: Oh, wow, well I feel a reaction to that, probably my daemon Morgaine who says that feels overwhelming and intense right now.

DM: Well, all respect to Morgaine, it feels like it would most benefit her and bring you and I in closer connection while offering my voice and message to your readers, which is hard for most people to hear on their own.

J: Why is it hard for most people to hear? Wait, I thought we were going to talk about being vegan?

DM: Ah, dear Jillian, did you forget that I like to weave and circle my way through? Yes, we’ll talk about being vegan, and I invite you to feel into offering 90 days with me too. Negotiation with Morgaine, yes?

J: Yes, for sure. Ok, it ruffles some feathers in the moment but, of course, I will feel into it. So, being vegan?

DM: Why is this even a question, this choice? This one is so basic, so fundamental, so critical that it is surprising so many people still struggle and resist it. How you treat all creatures is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Humans have rock bottom self worth, priorities based in false self image and attainment, and have disconnected from the reality of Oneness. These are all the symptoms that lead to the condition of abusing, murdering, and then eating animals.

J: I thought you might be more neutral on this issue, considering how many pressing issues are facing us humans right now.

DM: The nuclear crisis in Japan, the ongoing slaughter in Syria, the starvation of millions of children all over the world…you mean all of these issues?

J: Yes…ah, my heart feels heavy when you just start to list them. I want to ask you how we are ever going to find our way through, but that feels like a piece to feel into during our 90 days together (‘if we do that’, pipes in Morgaine.)

DM: Finding your way through is not about mentally solving the problems, but by feeling and following your heart. This applies whether to what you choose to do for a living to what you choose to put in your mouth to whether you choose to heal this life or not. If your choices are motivated and centered in your heart, you will find your way through.

J: But we haven’t placed a priority on the heart! We’ve placed it on our minds. Our society has made a false god out of what our mind can reason, rationalize, and filter, even to the point of so many spiritual offering being about controlling your thoughts, positive thinking, and manifestation through thoughts.

DM: The mind is an important filter, made too important by your modern culture. This is what I am here to help bring into balance. I want to say much more about this yet I feel your sweet inner child Aurora wanting me to talk more about animals and being vegan.

J: Yes, she would like that!

DM: Humans are interesting to me when it comes to their relationship with animals. You project so much of yourselves onto animals, yet, at the same time, you don’t actually get how they are a reflection of you- both your shadow and your light. Does this sound like a paradox? It is, but it doesn’t have to be. Projection onto something comes from an unhealed and subconscious heart, the false self as you and Wayne call it. Projection distances and it plays victim to the projection without taking ownership of it. Take ownership of the projection and you become free to feel what the object of your projection is actually offering you.

J: My mind is struggling with that one but my heart seems to get what you are saying. Aurora says, “Yeah! We are all as innocent and pure as a puppy, but we project onto the puppy that it is cuter and more pure than we are. We give that puppy the love and adoration that part of us wants. Or we project onto an animal, like a cow or a pig, that they are worthless, only good for killing, that we are entitled to eat them, and we feel that way about part of ourselves too, like that part is worthless and only good for killing.”

DM: Yes, miss Aurora. You’ve always been so heart smart.:) I invite people to feel into this question: What if how you treat animals is a reflection of how you treat and feel about yourself? I know I said this already, but it such a crucial point that gets completely missed in the discussion of what to eat or not eat.

J: That’s because emotional truth and the heart are usually missing from the discussion!

DM: Yes. If someone can digest a violently abused animal and not feel anything about it, that’s the degree that there is emotional abuse and violence going on subconsciously inside of them. One part to another. This abuse is a product of their childhoods and past lives. Oh, especially past lives. But, most people don’t acknowledge emotional consciousness as being the underpinning force to everything they choose to do or not do. I am so glad that you and Wayne are bringing that with SoulFullHeart. It’s so important, Jillian. Keep bringing it. Do not give up. People’s hearts will open to it in time.

J: I’m still letting in what you are offering about if we can digest abused animals than we have an inner abuse going on. Wow. I definitely feel that with myself in the past. My inner abuse was around the cycle of self judgement and then shame that left me feeling acutely self consciousness about myself. I felt a part of me wanting to eat better and not  eating animals was so ingrained in my soul and in Aurora, yet I couldn’t consciously make that choice while the inner abuse inside me was going on.

DM: Your choice to heal that inner abuse was a hugely brave one, my daughter. Hugely brave. Your culture makes heroes out of warriors, but the true heroes are those who are willing to go into their own hearts and heal the pain and congestion that is there. These heart heroes can then offer this same path to others who can then offer this to others and on and on. Do you see now though how this choice to not eat abused animals anymore is actually a very deep one? One that goes far beyond just buying different products at the grocery store?

J: Yes, wow, yes. This is what I have felt to offer with our SoulFullHeart Vegan Blog, Mother. I feel like parts of people can beat them up about not being vegan or get very defensive and angry when someone suggests that a plant-based lifestyle is better. This just continues the cycle of inner and outer abuse, doesn’t it? It still at its base and core combative and emotionally unconscious.

DM: Yes, it is. Some people do choose to be vegan through a combination of will power and punishment-shame. Yet, over time, their soul and heart consciousness responds to it in a positive way, even if they haven’t healed the deeper emotional congestion we were talking about earlier.

J: It feels like this conversation and your invitation for someone to feel into the question: ‘What if how you treat animals is a reflection of how you treat and feel about yourself?’ is a huge start to shifting consciousness around this issue.

DM: Yes, it is a start. And everything must start somewhere. I look forward to ongoing conversations with you, Jillian.

J: Yes, Mother, me too. I will talk with Morgaine and get back to you.

DM: I’m always here, my daughter. Always and for anyone who has need and vulnerability in their heart and desire to connect with me.

J: Love you, Mother.

DM: I love you too, my dear daughter. And Aurora and Morgaine.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. You can read Jillian Vriend’s book In The Arms of Mother: Healing Through Conscious Connection With The Divine Mother and Introducing The SoulFullHeart Way Of Life onsoulfullheartbooks.com.

2013: A Death and Rebirth Into Real Love

Published on by Gabriel Heartman

By Christopher Tydeman

2013-10-10 11.18.24

I found myself in many different emotional places, as I had to calibrate to a new way of being and feeling in the world.  Who was I without this old filter?  What do I do?  How do I be?  All questions that make up the quest of surrender.

I started to write about all the content that happened to me in 2013, but realized there was a context to it all.  Last year was a year of uncovering my false self and his relationship to a false world, created to keep me small, and him safe.  This world was set on fire so that a new relationship to my authentic self could be born.

For years I had been feeling unfulfilled.  Unsatisfied.  Off center.  Off course.  I had been praying to find myself so I could alleviate this pain.  I had medicated with alcohol, drugs, work, being a father, politics, and relationships.  My soul was sinking in quicksand and needed a way out.  When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  That teacher was SoulFullHeart.

For six months prior to 2013 I needed to go into and feel my pain.  I accessed parts of myself left in trauma from this life and others.  I found myself at a critical time in my life.  Do I continue doing the same things, relating to the same people that can’t offer me the growth I need, or do I keep going on this suffering loop?  At the beginning of the year, I made the choice to jump.

That was the most difficult crucible I had been through my entire life.  To depart a career, family, and friends that a part of me had a codependent and unhealthy attachment to.  If there was something truly real there it would have continued to grow with me.  But it didn’t and it hasn’t up to this date.  It was a dance, and a wrestling, with this part of me to get him to feel how little true love we were actually receiving and letting in.  To this part of me that sounded harsh, but he began to feel it over time.

I found myself in many different emotional places, as I had to calibrate to a new way of being and feeling in the world.  Who was I without this old filter?  What do I do?  How do I be?  All questions that make up the quest of surrender.  At one point I had to go back briefly to my old life to reaffirm this one.

I drew a mate that brought out a part of me that needed to be made conscious so that I could feel those vulnerable places we can’t access unless we are in conscious relationship.  I found the codependency that was linked to my relationship with my mother, and templating from my father.  I had to find my spine, but it had been buried.  We had to complete the relationship for our individual reasons, but have found each other again with new eyes, new heart, and new spine.

I uncovered my personal relationship to the Divine through countless hours of journaling with the Mother.  This connection has been invaluable to me in times of uncertainty and fear.  I have uncovered my SoulFullHeart self through experiences such as hosting a radio show, writing a vulnerable daily blog with my parts, entering a new ground of friendship with my mentors and facilitators, Jillian and Wayne, and beginning to facilitate another person on this path to self-awareness and emotional consciousness.

I have felt myself differently than I ever have.  I still don’t have a clear picture, and maybe never will.  What I do know is that through my experiences over the past year, I feel I am held by the Divine and supported by my SoulFullHeart family and mate.  2014 is a year of adventure and total unknowns.  For the first time in my life, I couldn’t tell you where I will be or who I will be this time next year.  But as long as love is in my heart, it doesn’t really matter.

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information on SoulFullHeart.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 27 – Serving the Servant

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

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We co-create this reality together, my love.  I need you as much as you need me.  I cannot be felt unless one is able to feel.  I long and ache to be felt just as you do.  I have needs and desires, as well.  If I cannot be expressed and felt through a soul, then I will do what I can to make that so, as long as it is within the sovereign choice of the soul.

Day 27

Christopher:  Hello, Mother.  I feel to connect with you since I am not having any major pull to a specific part of me.

Mother:  I always enjoy being with you, Christopher.  How may I serve you?

C: Uh…wow.  To Nathaniel that sounds weird.  He is used to serving you.

M:  Ah, yes.  The Daemon Trap.

C:  The what?

M:  The Daemon Trap.  I feel that daemons have been so conditioned to being servants through the world’s religions that any thought of the opposite is blasphemy.  How can the Divine possibly serve the ones that are the servants?

C:  He says, that doesn’t make sense.

M:  My dear, Nathaniel.  We co-create this reality together, my love.  I need you as much as you need me.  I cannot be felt unless one is able to feel.  I long and ache to be felt just as you do.  I have needs and desires, as well.  If I cannot be expressed and felt through a soul, then I will do what I can to make that so, as long as it is within the sovereign choice of the soul.  I want to serve you and Christopher in any way I can to make that happen.

Nathaniel:  I can feel how over the lifetimes, I have been convinced and persecuted to believe that humans are below you.  That they are meant to carry out your Will in your name.

M:  What is my Will, Nathaniel?

N:  To Love and be loved.

M:  Was that the will of their god?

N:  No.  It was to judge and make sacrifices.  To follow the Word without question.  To be in subordination.

M:  So that is the trap, Nathaniel.  A false god trap.  I do not blame you for succumbing to it.  So much pain and fear in resisting.  In fact, it may all be a part of the process.

N:  And why is that?

M:  This Grand Experience is rooted in getting to feel itself completely, in all its glory and terror.  To separate in order to come back together with more love than before.  It doesn’t make sense to the Mind, Nathaniel, but when we get to feel each other in our pain, we can feel each other in our love.  It is an eternal paradox.  Just like the servant being served.

N:  I think I get it.  I still need time to feel you as serving me and Christopher rather than the other way around.

M:  We serve each other equally.  We are one and and the same, Nathaniel.  That will be felt as you experience me more.  For now, let me serve you and Christopher in any way I can.  It is the Will of My Heart.

N:  Yes, Mother.

M:  So?  How may I serve you?

N:  I am feeling a little lost in my purpose.  I want to feel a call, a passion pursuit.  I miss that.  I feel I used to have it then it got buried.

M:  I feel your desire for that, Nathaniel.  You have great passion for rising up against the false system.  However, I want you to remember you are a daemon sent to provide guidance.  You were meant to serve Christopher through my Love.  Not serve me through Christopher’s soul.

N:  Whoa.  You have me hanging upside down right now.

M:  Good.  How does it feel?

N:  Strange.  As soon as you said that I could feel how that was so true in the past.  I took over seeing the inequities and injustices throughout the world.  I wanted to do something about it.  I feel I hijacked this soul.

M:  I feel “hijacked” is a charged term.  You did what you felt was necessary to right what you felt were wrongs.  This was another part of the Daemon Trap.  Getting so involved that you forgot your place in the Grand Experience.  This too felt a necessary part of the separation and integration process I mentioned earlier.  This has been done by many daemons all over the planet.  Getting caught up in justice, power, glory, inequity, greed, so and so on.

N:  I feel relieved I am not the only one.

M:  Your fusion was for the compassion of those in need and suffering.  There are other daemons in need and suffering.  You can be a part of that healing, Nathaniel, but you need to heal yourself first.  I feel a responsibility in you to make it “right”.  You can’t do that on your own as we discussed before.

N:  Thank you, Mother.  I do feel a rumble and I want to use that to help Christopher with his purpose.  I feel how my healing helps with this.  Having you reframe my relationship to this soul was a big step for me.  Thank you.

M:  You are very welcome, my son.  I can’t feel you if you can’t feel you.  And my Will is to feel all my children with me in every moment.

N:  And my will is to feel you as much as possible, Mother.

M:  Then it shall be so.

N:  Amen.

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 25 – Practically Sacred

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

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We are discussing a pretty typical experience that people have on a daily basis, but we are feeling it, digesting it, reflecting on it, learning from it.  Who does that when buying a vehicle?  It is usually filled with anxiety, stress, control, frustration, reservation, annoyance, and a plethora of other unfelt emotions that just get repressed and gets lodged into the emotional body.

Day 25

Christopher:  Good morning, everyone.  I am not sure who to begin with today.  A big day yesterday with the purchase of an RV.  Any reactions?

Angela:  I like it, but it totally needs to be clean.  It’s a little gross in areas.

C:  Yeah, it does need cleaning for sure.  Kathleen is excited to begin.

A:  So glad she is going to put a woman’s touch in it.

C:  You can advocate for your needs too, Angela.  You are not the only woman in the house.

A:  Awww…thank you, Christopher.  I was hoping you would say that.

C:  I have been meaning to talk to you about how you are feeling about me and Kathleen.

A:  I love it, Christopher.  I feels good to have sister-type around.

C:  I can feel that.  It is important to me that we have our time too, Angela.  We really just started to get to know each other.

A:  Yeah, I would like to keep talking with you.  And Simon.  You both mean so much to me.

C:  You mean a ton to me, Angela.  I will be looking to you for a woman’s perspective and advice.

A:  Really?  I would like that.  : )

C:  Any advice to give me now?

A:  I guess it would be to be honest with her.  No hiding this time.  She is stronger than a part of you thought she was at one point.

C:  Yes.   I am aware of that now.

A:  Also, a woman likes it when you stand your ground for what you feel in your heart even if it is not what they are feeling is true for them in the moment.

C:  That is the part I had struggled with.  So easy for a part of me to capitulate to the mom projection.

A:  You are a man now, Christopher.  A man with a huge heart and a growing spine.  Use ‘em both.

C:  Okay, Angela.  You are going to be a big part of my new life.  I can tell.

A:  I would like that, Christopher.

C:  I felt your leading edge just now.  We also have a trailing edge and I can feel yours around men in past lives.

A:  Yeah.  I would like to speak to Jillian and Kathleen about those and not talk about them here.

C:  I understand.  To be felt by another woman or women feels crucial.

A:  Thanks for understanding, Christopher.

C:  Of course, Angela.  Anything else you wanted to talk about?

A:  No not really.  I want to dance again with you.  That was fun.

C:  Yes, it was.  Simon was a little embarrassed but I could feel him get into it.

A:  Totally.  He liked it despite himself.  I’ll work on him.  ; )

C:  Lol!  I know you will.  I feel I am going to check in with him, too, this morning.

A:  Okay.  Thanks for talking with me.

C:  Thank you for your heart, Angela.  I am so honoured that you are a part of me.

A:  Swoon!

C:  Love you, Angela.

A:  I love you too, my king.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Christopher:  Good morning, Simon.  How are you feeling about yesterday?

Simon:  I’m okay.  Glad we made it home without getting pulled over for the headlights.

C:  Yeah.  I could feel that stress in you.

S:  I appreciate you holding that and feeling me in it as you were driving.

C:  You are welcome, Simon.  These little details can create bigger problems, but nothing that we can’t deal with as they arise.

S:  I like feeling it that way.  I REALLY appreciated Wayne being there yesterday too. Wow.  I feel a little guilty saying that as if I couldn’t have trusted you to handle the details.

C:  I understand why you are so grateful.  While I we certainly could have dealt with all that ourselves, there is a comfort in having someone else to bounce ideas off of, and just have around as emotional support.

S:  Yeah.  I felt so much more at ease having both Wayne and Kathleen there.  It felt good to feel Kathleen in her vision of the inside amidst all the crap inside.  That was pretty cool she could do that.

C:  It felt important for all of us to be in agreement in our hearts.  I just got how SoulFullHeart is so unique in that every experience we have, whether spiritual or practical, are all sacred and calls us to feel ourselves in every moment, not just when we journal or have a session.

S:  You just now got that?

C:  Well, no.  I guess it just landed a little deeper as I am typing this out.  We are discussing a pretty typical experience that people have on a daily basis, but we are feeling it, digesting it, reflecting on it, learning from it.  Who does that when buying a vehicle?  It is usually filled with anxiety, stress, control, frustration, reservation, annoyance, and a plethora of other unfelt emotions that just get repressed and gets lodged into the emotional body.

S:  Are you still talking to me?

C:  I thought I was.  You didn’t have that experience?

S:  I guess I wasn’t conscious of it.  I was too busy stressing.  However, now that you are talking about it, it was different for me.  I could feel stress but that stress was being held and outed by you and therefore gave it air.  That helped me to relax which made the day go by without that pent up energy I usually get.  So, yeah, as a part I get what you are saying.  That is totally cool.

C:  I’m glad you felt that.

S:  Me too.  Is this journal worth publishing?  It doesn’t feel deep enough.

C:  They are all worth publishing, Simon.  They all have worth to me and you and that is priceless.  I don’t need anyone to “like” it.  I do.  Our SoulFullHeart family does  If it goes into someone else then that is awesome, but not required.

S:  Okay.  Good enough for me.  I guess that is still an old image thing.  Letting it go.

C:  I like it.

S:  Me too.

C:  Let’s go get something to eat, shall we?

S:  Starving.

C:  Actually, we’re thriving with love.

S:  That’s a whole new blog, let’s eat.

C:  Fair enough.

 My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 24 – Coming Out Is Going In

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

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Day 24

There have been lives where I have tried to bring the divine feminine into the church and was ridiculed and excommunicated for it.  I have also experienced the other side, in being persecuted for just being female.  The “old ways” were a threat to the ruling church order.  I can feel other lifetimes of going against the grain that ended in pain.   I feel I succumbed to the adage “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”.

Christopher:  Good morning, Nathaniel.  After Jillian’s blog yesterday, I realized we haven’t spoken in a while.  Are you up for it?

Nathaniel:  Yes, I would.  Been a little lonely lately.

C:  I am sorry, Nathaniel.  So many changes happening lately.

N:  Yes, there are.  A new romance.  It feels good to feel your heart in that space.  You have much love for her.

C:  Thanks, Nathaniel.  That feels good to hear that from you. Yes, I do.

N:  It is good to feel someone with a daemon as well.  Your past relationships did not have that consciousness.

C:  No, they didn’t.  I was not conscious myself.  Even when we did first connect, a part of me wasn’t permitting me to embody the reality of you.  Now that is far from the case.

N:  I can feel how I may have been partly the cause of the lack of permission.  I can feel the desire of wanting to stay off the radar.  Incognito, as Wayne and Yeshua put it.

C:  I know we have been through a bit of the reasons together, but would you mind sharing with the readers.  This would be the opposite of incognito.

N:  I feel like I would, Christopher.  I would like to have a purpose other than guarding, as I mentioned in another conversation.  Talking about myself may help others like me realize they are not alone.

C:  That would be incredible, Nathaniel.

N:  There have been lives where I have tried to bring the divine feminine into the church and was ridiculed and excommunicated for it.  I have also experienced the other side, in being persecuted for just being female.  The “old ways” were a threat to the ruling church order.  I can feel other lifetimes of going against the grain that ended in pain.   I feel I succumbed to the adage “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”.

C:  Incoginito.

N:  Yeah.  Stay hidden.  Protect the feminine.  Which really turned into care-take the feminine.

C:  What do you want this life, Nathaniel?

N:  I know I do not want to stay hidden any longer.  I want to feel my connection to the Divine again. I used to want to go back home, but now that you are among other daemons, I feel more at home.  I don’t know if I want to project myself out to the world at this moment, that feels a bit vulnerable, but I guess that is what I am doing now.

C:  I feel what you mean, Nathaniel.

N:  I want to help in some way, Christopher.  I know I mentioned having gifts and I would like to harness again.  I feel I put them to the side, fearing their use would bring me, and you, more pain.

C:  You may need some healing from the past to help that along.

N:  Yes.  I believe I do.  I feel myself waning, Christopher.  The thought of coming out more makes me nervous and I tend to go back into hiding.

C:  I can feel that in my body right now.  There is a push-pull in you.  Desire and retraction which creates flatness.  You said you wanted more connection with the Divine.  Let’s talk to Mother.

N:  Yes.  I would like that.

Mother:  Hello, my beloved Nathaniel.  Your heart feels closed.  May I sit with you?

N:  Of course, Mother.

M:  Just sit quietly with me and feel my heart with yours.

N:  Yes, Mother.

……..(here, I play Ava Maria)

N:  So much pain, Mother.  I miss you so much.  All those years of being hated for loving you.  I am sorry I went into hiding.  I feel I failed you.

M:  You have NEVER failed me, my son.  You have always been true to me.  I do not blame you for needing to hide after all you have been through, Nathaniel.

N:  You forgive me, Mother?

M:  There is no forgiveness needed, Nathaniel.  That is old church dogma to keep you small.  You are always in a state of Grace, no forgiveness necessary.  My love does not require anything but your love.

N:  I love you, Mother.  So much.

M:  I feel that in your tears and your pain, Nathaniel.  That pain you feel is my love entering you and bringing it up to be felt.  I want you to feel again, Nathaniel.

N:  I do too, Mother.  I want to feel you again like I used to.

M:  Then it shall be so.  Just ask Nathaniel and we can feel each other.  I have tears for you as well, Nathaniel, as I miss you as much as you miss me.

N:  That is hard for me to let in sometimes.

M:  I will keep reminding you.

N:  Thank you so much, Mother.

M:  I thank you, my beautiful son.  For your courage to come out of hiding, one felt step at a time.

N:  Thank you, Christopher, for feeling what I needed.  The music was a stroke of genius.

C:  Oh, Nathaniel.  You are so very welcome.  Sometimes I need a way in too.  Soon the music will just be a part of our heart and it will open without help.  Until then, we both need it.

N:  I feel ready for the day.

C:  Me too!  A dose of Mother Love is better than coffee any day.

N:  Amen.

C:  I love you, Nathaniel.

N:  And I love you too, Christopher.  So much.

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 9 – Chain Of Love

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

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So there is this chain of love that starts with the Divine, flows through me, fills me up, and then flows to you for healing and holding.  A new world chain of command, where the only command is to open our hearts to real love, both sacred and human.

Christopher:  Good morning, Simon.

Simon:  Good morning, Christopher.

C:  Beautiful sunrise.

S:  Yes, it is.  I love that about living here.  It’s like waking up to a different painting every morning.

C:  Most definitely.  I wanted to check in about this new cycle of change that is coming.

S:  Yeah.  It is a lot.  It is interesting how as soon as I start to feel grounded in a place I wasn’t grounding in,  here comes another possible uproot.

C:  Tell me how that feels inside.

S:  There is a little bit of everything.  Some frustration around the effort of it all.  I feel like I am a bit lazy.  I enjoy not doing much of anything, yet at the same time get jazzed up for having something focused to do.  I get to manage and accomplish something.

C:  We get to manage and accomplish something.

S:  Right.  I said that.  You just typed it wrong.

C:  >: {

S:  Fine.  I tend to take that over.  I feel it helps to cope with the fear and anxiety I feel about the unknown and uncertainty of it all.  My picture of the rest of this life is not turning out the way I had in my mind when we started this.

C:  What were you envisioning?

S:  I saw us with some cool new job that was creative and fun.  Being either in Vancouver or close to it.  I thought through the process this would have presented itself and we would have lived happily ever after.

C:  Sounds like a fairy tale.  Riding off in the sunset with the American Dream.

S:  Yep.  Feels like I drank the KoolAid of this false reality matrix your soul spoke of yesterday.  It all just felt so good, but now, when we reflect on it, I can feel it was in reaction to the pain that was inside that really wasn’t mine but your soul’s.  I thought it was mine.

C:  Some of it was yours, Simon.  Being false doesn’t mean you are some misty projection, like a ghost, without substance.  On the contrary.  You are an essential part of me that got caught up in the game, the real fairy tale.  Your pain was not being held and cared for by an authentic self.

S:  Wow.  So when you were praying to God about wanting to know your soul, I was praying to your soul to get to know you?

C:  Double, wow.  We may have to divert that one to the metaphysician.  What feels true is that you were calling out to be held and guided, just as I was.  So there is this chain of love that starts with the Divine, flows through me, fills me up, and then flows to you for healing and holding.  A new world chain of command, where the only command is to open our hearts to real love, both sacred and human.

S:  You are starting to sound like Soul from yesterday.

C:  I do, don’t I?  It must be channeling through in the moment.

S:  Are you going to start wearing flowing robes and growing a beard?

C:  Lol!  Uh, no.  At least not for a few years.

S: > : {

C:  So I feel this leads us to your anxiety that you conveniently steered us away from.  Nicely done.

S:  I thought you would start to orate or something and I could slip out the back with Angela and make out.

C:  WHAT?

S:  Kidding, Christopher.  Geez.  Now who is the one who can’t take a joke?

C:  That was good, Simon.  But back to the anxiety.  What is it that you are anxious about?

S:  I worry about money.  I have this fear that we will wind up on the street, homeless and hungry.  I fear Jillian and Wayne will want to be on their own and we will be alone.  I worry about Raianna and not being close to her.  I worry about how we will be perceived by others, like we are crazy people.  I worry I won’t be happy.

C:  I want you to feel my heart, Simon, when I say I will not do anything that you absolutely do not want to do.  Did you like zip-lining with Raianna that one time?

S:  Oh, yeah!  It was exhilerating!

C:  Remember, we had just enough desire and courage to push off. There was fear, but not enough to quelch the desire.  We take one tree at a time.  We might camp out in a tree for a while until the next batch of courage and desire arise.

S:  I did like the way it felt when Soul said that yesterday.

C:  Your fears are real.  As real as you are to me.  I want to be with those fears and feel them every step of the way, what ever that means.  I feel you can see my soul’s vision and that frightens you.  That picture is only negotiated with you, Simon.  No cliff jumping, unless you want to.

S:  Thank you, Christopher.

C:  : )  Now there has to be something that excites you as much as concerns you.  They are two sides of the same coin.

S:  I do love the feeling of freedom and adventure.  There is an aliveness that is so much more desirable than the deadness we were once in.  I don’t have to live up to anyone’s image of me anymore.  I am free of that.  This will also help me with being a creature of habit.  That will take some getting used to.  I love my comfort and routine.

C:  We will feel that every step of the way.

S:  This felt good to talk about.  I also like it when synchronicities happen.  Those are like “you’re doing it!” markers.  They help me to relax a bit more.

C:  We just need to open up to them, Simon. We will get guidance along the way.  We can live in faith or doubt.

S:  I really want to chose faith, Christopher.

C:  I can feel that, Simon.  Then just hold that desire and we will feel our next step.

S:  I couldn’t do this without you.

C:  I there is no way I could do this without you, Simon.  Let’s get ready for group.

S:  Whew!  Okay.  I had my suit pressed yesterday.

C:  When?  Wait….nice one, Simon.

S: ; )

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

30 Days With My Parts: Day 8 – Soul Rising

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

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You have choices that allow for the perfect balance of fear and growth.  The more you experience this dance, the more you begin to trust and take on more risk.  You don’t have to go cliff jumping, just take a zip line to the next tree.

Christopher:  Good morning, Soul.   I was drawn to have conversation directly with you.  This is not “standard SFH protocol” according to Simon, but I am doing it anyway.  It’ll be good for him.

Soul:  You felt guided.  That is all the protocol you need.

C:  Thank you.  Is it okay to speak with you?

S:  I wouldn’t be your soul if it wasn’t.

C:  Hmmm.  True.  I felt the desire to speak to you because of all that came up last night at dinner with Jillian and Wayne.

S:  Care to let the readers know what that was?

C:  Yes, of course.   They have been going through a catalytic process around transitioning from painting income to healing alchemy.  This means they are looking at the reality of giving up the house they live in and going on an adventure.  SoulFullHeart on wheels.  They write about it here and here.

S:  Okay.

C:  So, naturally, I feel a desire to do this with them.  I feel this desire rooted in my past aches to be free of the system, free of being “responsible” but free to be responsive, like Yeshua talked about this morning.  I have felt this from what I would call my soul.  And that is why I wanted to talk with you.

S:  I am so glad to finally talk with you, Christopher.  I know we are one and the same, but to have this dialogue feels like it could bring a lot of movement and alchemy.  That ache that you have felt since college has been me wanting to have expression in the world.  You awoke to me by your psychotropic drug use because it cleared the matrix of your mind long enough to feel me.  To sense me.  To hear me.  That ache in you for more was me.  That creative itch was me.  The desire to live alternatively, outside the grid of “normal” consciousness, was me.  The draw to spirituality was me.  The fire in your belly is me, yet ultimately you.

C:  Wow.  I haven’t let that in yet.  I always went on hikes asking God to help me find you.  To help me feel you and be guided by you.  Always asking for epiphanies to enlighten me from my daily burdens.  None came until SoulFullHeart.

S:  You had emotional barriers to feel into first.  You have had to reconcile those this life and make difficult choices to get to this point.  These pieces about being responsible, being liked, and being a part of “society” are your catalytic crucibles.  They are rooted in so many lifetimes.  This life you were destined to heal those.  To become a part of something greater than the daily bullshit shoveled down the collective throat of humanity.  A destiny of healing, growing, creating, serving, leading, and loving.

C:  It all feels so true to me when you say it, yet I can feel the part of me that is having a hard time letting that in as a reality.  This part of me, Simon, felt that all he needed was another career and he would be happy.

S:  That would have been a smaller step in this direction, yet the happiness would have been another medication not to heal this life and live your destiny out.  It would have been parked in another stall just with better ambience, but parked still the same.  But I drew SoulFullHeart to lead us out of the garage and into the crucible of real life.  A life of experience, exploration, and excitement.  A life of believable uncertainty that is alive in each moment because of its relationship to death.  Death of what is known.  Death of what to expect.  Death of control.  The death of a part of you to be reborn in your heart as an authentic sacred human being.

C:  This is all so much to let in, Soul.  I feel you underneath all my conditioning, yearning to be free, to be birthed.  I want what you want, for, like you said, it is me.  I want to feel your edges and textures more.  I can’t do that in bubble wrap.

S:  I appreciate you wanting that, Christopher.  It is a relief to feel.  I know that there are parts to feel and heal.  I am not a pusher in this life, but I am persistent.  I will keep poking you, drawing situations and people that will lead you to growth or, if you chose, not growth.  I know you know what not growth feels like, but it is still a choice.  This land of adventure is where I live.  It is the atmosphere that I breathe and move in.  If you can trust me, and the Divine, we can take you places you and your parts could only imagine.  A new frontier of being in the world.  One not without risk, mind you.  It is full of risk, but manageable risk.  You have choices that allow for the perfect balance of fear and growth.  The more you experience this dance, the more you begin to trust and take on more risk.  You don’t have to go cliff jumping, just take a zip line to the next tree.

C:  Whew…I can feel my parts relax when you said that.  I need some time to let this in and journal with my parts around it.  Thank you for talking to me.  I feel to keep doing so.

S:  I am always here.  Patiently persistent.

 My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

30 Days With My Parts: Day 5 – The Princess Arrives

Published on by Gabriel Heartman3 Comments

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Day 5

After getting the okay from my daemon-soul guardian, Nathaniel, I began the initial journaling questions with my feminine part, Angela. But first I had to wake her up.  Some questions may have been omitted due to a negotiation with my self-image part, Simon.

Christopher:  Okay, Nathaniel.  How are you feeling about waking Angela up?

Nathaniel:  I feel ready, but nervous.

C:  Of course.

N:  You feel like a man on a mission.

C:  Lol!  Yeah.  I certainly am.  Okay, here it goes.

We both lift the glass container and set it to the ground.  Angela is a beautiful young woman.  She looks to be in her mid twenties. She has long, curly red hair.  She has stunning green-brown eyes.  Her clothes are somewhat masculine but worn with a feminine flair.  A long sleeved renaissance type shirt, riding pants, and boots.  There is a bow and quiver tucked to her side.  I lean down and kiss her on her forehead.

Angela (waking):  Who are you?

C:  I am Christopher.  You are a part of me.

I help her up to a seated position.  She looks around in bewilderment.

A (she notices Nathaniel):  Nathaniel!

She gives him a huge hug.

C:  You remember him?

A:  Yes, of course.  He was my protector when you weren’t around.

N:  Are you upset with me Angela for putting you here?

A:  No, Nathaniel.  I was getting weary of all the attacks.  Thank you for guarding me.  I know you were doing what you felt like you had to do.

N:  You aren’t the least bit upset?

A:  Well, I wasn’t chained up and left for starving.  I can feel love in your actions.

N:  Well, that has yet to be revealed, Angela.  My motives may be less than admirable, but I do feel there was heart in my actions.

A:  Well, whatever those motives were, I feel like I could forgive them.  If I am put away again, however, I will not be happy.

N:  Of course.

C:  I would not be happy either.

A:  So, you are my Christopher.  My Prince Charming.  My knight in shining armour.

C:  Uh…I am he. I am not sure about Prince Charming, but I do admit I like the sound of it.

A:  We have some getting to know each other.

C:  Yes, we do.  Do you feel up to it?

A:  I have been asleep for a while, I think I am rested enough to answer some questions. : )

C:  Wow.  Okay.  What did your world look like before coming here?

A:  I lived in a room with lots of dolls and a doll house.  I had a ton of stuffed animals.

C:  That sounds magical.

A:  Oh, yes.  I used to write a lot of stories about princes and princesses.  Must be why I love the TV show Once Upon A Time.

C:  I would love to hear one of those stories sometime.

A:  Maybe. We’ll see.

C:  How old are you?

A:  25

C:  What part of my body do you relate to?

A:  I feel myself in your heart.

C:  How do you feel about my mother?

A:  I feel sad and angry.  I am sad because she feels stuck in a man’s world.  She feels like a prisoner.  But I am angry for the same reason.  It is self-imposed.  She has given up her soul for security, her feminine for masculine “safety”.

C:  How do you feel about my father?

A:  There is a part of him that is scary and rough.  Not tender.  The way he talked about women in your youth hurt me and angered me.  His anger was frightening.  But there is also this gentle giant part of him that was kind and thoughtful.  I wish that part was out more as a child.

C:  You and Simon both.  What about the relationship between my parents?

A:  It was messy and hard to be around.  So much angst and anxiety.  Not much true love in the air, if at all.  I can feel true love and that wasn’t it.  They weren’t vulnerable enough except at the end when they divorced.  Their current relationships feel stuck. Unmovable.  Lack of passion and desire.  I cannot be around that.

C:  How do you feel about my former romantic partner?

A:  She reminds me of me, in a way.  She has a fire in her belly and a longing to be loved.  She had a lot of angst that blocked her true feminine but she feels to be balancing that out.  I love her new found independence.  “You go girl!”.  And I don’t mean that in a feminist way.  I like feeling women with ownership of their lives.  It’s hot and sexy.  I can say that cuz I’m a girl and you’re not. : P

C:  Hahahaha!  You’re a hoot, Angela.

A:  Awww…thanks, Charming.  : )

C:  Okay, now I am blushing.

A:  You’re cute.

C:  Thanks.  May I continue?

A:  Fine.  Go ahead, Christopoopoo.

C:  I am never going to live that down.  Thanks, Peter.

A:  You leave him alone, mister!  I love that boy.

C:  I do too.  So, who do you like most in my life and why?

A:  I like all of your SoulFullHeart family!  Jillian is real, strong, and pretty.  I love Aurora!  Wayne is tender and handsome.  Marvin is totally funny and cute.  Kathleen is resilient and pretty.   She is like a sister.  Raianna is fun, goofy, and pretty.  Everyone has a great heart.

C:  Who do you like least in my life and why?

A:  Well, currently nobody.  I would have to say that before you came here there were members of your family that had overly masculine energy that was controlling and angsty.  I did not like being around that.  There were tender sides but they were pushed down by this other part.

C:  What is your favorite food?

A:  Hmmm.  Good question.  I like soup in the winter.  I love the way it makes me feel inside.  In the summer, I like crunchy salads.  Of course, every girl loves chocolate!  Hint, hint. ; )

C:  Okay, Angela.  We can get some today.  What is your favorite music?

A:  I like Alanis, Avril, and Kelly.  Oh!  And Loreena too!  I am sure there is more but you don’t have much else on your iPod, goof.

C:  Guess we have some music searching to do, eh?

A:  I love music.

C:  What else do you like?

A:  I like art, dancing around, writing stories, and puppies!  I also like walking on the beach holding someone’s hand.

C:  You are a romantic!

A:  Of course I am, knucklehead.  I’m  a girl!

C:  Right.  There’s the fire.

A:  : )

C:  What are you afraid of?

A:  I am afraid of never finding true love.  I am afraid of being attacked by a man.  I am afraid of snakes.

C:  That feels very past life.

A:  Hmmm…

C:  What is your biggest despair over?

A:  Not feeling able to express myself or be myself.  To be felt for who I am in my essence.

C:  What is your biggest desire?

A:  To be seen and felt for who I am.  A beautiful, passionate, and compassionate being.

C:  How do you feel about God?

A:  I love the Mother!  She is beautiful and amazing. I have bad memories of the Father God.  The way others used violence in His name.  I feel like I was one of those that was attacked for being different.

C:  We can feel into that more.

A:  I feel like that would be better for later.  I just like doing this with you.

C:  Okay.  This question is still heavy….how do you feel about dying?

A:  Geez!  You guys really get to the bone.  Um…I am scared of dying in pain.  Dying peacefully feels okay.  I feel the Mother would be there on the other side.  With a plate of chocolates!

C:  Of course!  When you are feeling bad, how do you cope?

A:  I like to write, cry on the couch or bed, sometimes sleep.  Ironic, I know.

C:  When you are scared, what makes you feel safer?

A:  Talking to Mother.

C:  What do you do when you feel lonely?

A:  Talk to Mother, go for a walk, cry.  I like to watch movies too.

C:  How do you feel about meeting Jillian and Wayne?

A:  I am very excited!  I have been wanting to for a while.  I feel like I would be a celebrity since they have been waiting for me for a while.

C:  They are excited to meet you!  As well as Kathleen.  You should meet them this weekend.

A:  Yay!  Can Nathaniel come?

C:  Of course he is.  He will always be there.  He has a relationship with them too.

A:  Cool.  Well, ironically, I am feeling tired.

C:  This was a lot.

A:  Talk later, my prince?

C:  You bet, Angela.  It was a pleasure to get to know you.

A:  Awww…yep, he’s a keeper.

C:  Lol!  Thanks, Angela.  As if I was going anywhere.

A:  Let that in, mister!

C:  I did!  Honestly!

A:  Good.  : )

 My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

30 Days With My Parts: Day 4 – Duty To Serve Part 2

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

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Day 4

Today I will be sharing some journaling that happened after my initial conversation with Nathaniel, my daemon. I complied sections of conversations we had over the course of a week.

 Christopher: Good morning, Nathaniel. I was hoping we could talk some more.

 Nathaniel: What about?

 C: You.

 N: What about me?

 C: Yesterday you mentioned your loyalty to protecting the feminine. Did you accept this or were you assigned?

 N: I was given this role.

 C: How do you feel about that?

 N: Sometimes you do what you are told.

 C: You are not upset?

 N: I was not thrilled to leave, but duty is duty.

 C: There doesn’t feel like much passion or compassion around duty.

 N: What are you trying to get at, Christopher? I am not much for riddles.

 C: Okay. I don’t feel your heart, Nathaniel. There is something you are holding that is real and wants to express.

 N: I feel angry, Christopher! Is that what you want to hear? I don’t like being here but I am bound.

 C: I can feel why you would feel anger, Nathaniel. I am sorry you feel like you have to be here.

 N: Thank you. I don’t like feeling angry because then it feels like I am angry with Divine Mother, and I don’t want to be.

 C: I am sure she can handle it, Nathaniel. She can because it is real.

 N: I have asked many times ‘why this’?

 C: Maybe there is something here for you.

 N: Maybe. I do feel entitled sometimes. Like I deserve more. I know Mother is humbling me but I haven’t gotten there yet. I feel disconnected from her. I can feel Her here, but I haven’t spoken directly to her.

 C: Why do you feel that is?

 N: I feel I have been busy on guard.

 C: Earlier you said you were angry. Do you feel resentment towards Her?

 N: I don’t like to feel anything negative toward Her. I am Her servant, not Her judge.

C: I wasn’t inferring you would judge Her. Just to out what is real for you. You know She loves you. You love Her. She wants you to be real, Nathaniel.

N: I don’t know. I need to be with that. I am feeling this is a good-bye.

C: I know it is hard, Nathaniel. I will honour what you desire. But I really would like to stay….

I feel Mother wanting to say something through me but She wants your permission.

N: Okay.

Divine Mother: My noble and dearest, Nathaniel. I have not left you, my son. You know you have always been with me. I feel we have not communed due to a closing of your heart, my love. I do not judge thee, Nathaniel. I feel how you would be upset with me. I am okay with you telling me so. In truth, I need you too, for it is your heart song, your pain giving birth, Nathaniel.

N: It is hard for me, Mother. There is something blocking me from feeling you. I hear your words in my head but I am not feeling them in my heart. Have I grown so cold and bitter that I have lost my heart?

DM: That is not possible, Nathaniel. You know this. You have spent so long looking out you have just forgotten what it was like to look within.

N: I miss feeling you, Mother.

DM: I miss feeling you, Nathaniel. You are not lost, my son. I sent you here not to be a protector. I sent you here to be a guide like you once were. A guide to help Christopher steward a new heaven on Earth. To do that you need a human heart.

N: Angela

DM: It is time you let her go, Nathaniel.

N: I am afraid something will happen to her.

DM: You are afraid she won’t need you anymore.

N: Yes, Mother.

DM: Have faith and trust again, Nathaniel. Like you once did.

N: I will do my best, Mother.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

C: Good morning, Nathaniel. Is it okay to talk a bit this morning?

N: Yes. It is.

C: Did you feel more into what Mother brought you yesterday?

N: You just jump right in, don’t you?

C: Oh, yeah. I can feel my Simon part. He is very task orientated sometimes. In a rush.

N: I’ll say. I was feeling that Mother is right. I have become so focused on my duty that I neglected my real role here. I guess I never realized I had a role other than guarding. I was taken by your writing last night. About remembering who and what we truly are. As I sit here, I can feel this is not me. This is not my essence. This guarding and protecting. I am more than this. I was more than this.

C: I am honoured you took that in so deeply. I, too, feel your bigness, Nathaniel.

N: Thank you. I realized I am keeping you from yours. I cannot in good conscious do that any longer. I don’t know what part Angela plays in that, but somehow she does.

C: I feel she has a part in yours, too.

N: Hmmmm. You very well could be right, Christopher. I want you to look at me and promise me you will take good care of her.

C: Of course I will, Nathaniel. You will be with us, too, so you won’t be far.

N: I would like that. I release her to you, Christopher. I hope this is not the last we speak.

C: Not a chance, Nathaniel. We need each other, remember?

N: Thank you.

C: No, thank you.

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

30 Days With My Parts: Day 3 – Duty To Serve Part I

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

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Day 3

The following are journaling questions one would ask when getting to know their soul protector/guardian part or daemon. I had been invited to feel into a female part of me for some time, but wasn’t getting access to her. I was guided to feel into a part of me that was protecting her. The journaling took several days and this is just a small sampling of what came up in the beginning.

 C: Hello, I’d like to speak to my protector part, may I ask you these questions to get to know you?

 The Part: You may ask.

C: Are you male or female?

You know I am male

C: What do you look like?

Why don’t you tell me?

C: Okay. I see a dark cloak with a hood. You have a trimmed beard. Your eyes have a white light in them. You have chiseled facial features. You are handsome man with a lot of light behind your eyes.

Not bad.

C: What does the world you live in look and feel like?

Again, you tell me. You want to enhance your intuition and clairvoyance.

C: I do, but I can’t help to feel some arrogance behind your words.

Do you want to connect with me or not?

C: Yes, but I feel you wanting to connect with me too, so I would like a more respectful exchange.

Fair enough. I admit I have my judgments about humans. You are different. I feel that and I apologize. Know that I do not say that lightly or easily.

C: Thank you. I took it the way you meant it. Now I will try my hand at what I see.

Stage is yours.

C: I see a forest. It looks misty and feels cold but not freezing. I see a fire. You are alone. In the distance, amongst the trees, I see a glass box with a young woman inside. That’s Angela, isn’t it?

Yes, it is. But we are not talking about her today. We are talking about me.

C: Right. How old are you?

I don’t know.

C: What part of my body do you relate to?

Your eyes.

C: Do you have a weapon and what does it look like? Nevermind. I will tell you. It is a long bladed sword with an intricate design on the handle. You use it to guard but not kill.

Next question.

C: In what situations do you use this weapon?

I have used it to cut through appearances to feel ones true intent. Looking for the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

C: What is your job and mission?

My duty is to protect the part you call Angela and serve the Divine Mother.

C: What do you primarily protect her from?

From uncaring humans whose only purpose is to take her innocence and youth. This world you live in is full of wolves in sheep’s clothing. They stop at nothing to steal that which they do not possess. The masculine energies in your world demand to control it because they are afraid of it.

C: In what ways do you protect her?

By keeping an eye out for danger, using my sword to sense danger.

C: What does loyalty mean to you and why is it important (if it is)?

I am a servant of the Divine Mother. Angela represents your inner feminine. I have promised to always guard and protect any expression of Her.   Loyalty is important because without it I let my guard down.  If that happens she can be attacked.

C: How old was she when you began protecting her and why?

She was young. I do not know how old. I began to protect her when the people in your life felt unsafe to be around. The angry part of your father, the drowning part of your mother, and all those cast of characters in your youth that made her feel scared. I couldn’t take it anymore so I took her here and made this glass container.

C: What are you concerned will happen if I get to know you?

I am afraid you will get my defenses down and she will be unguarded. I am afraid I will neglect my duties.

C: What are you afraid will happen if you do?

That Angela will be attacked and I will let Mother down.

C: Do you feel you can trust me to protect Angela?

I feel I might, but it would take some convincing.

C: I am up for that if you are.

We’ll see.

C: Thank you for talking with me, protector part. I’d like to speak with you again sometime.

Is there a name that I can call you?

You can call me Nathaniel.

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child