by Kalayna Solais
I feel like I’ve arrived back ‘home’…
And in many ways, I have!
I have been on a journey inward for the last three months. I collapsed my relationship to my beloveds here in SoulFullHeart, my ‘title’ as a Facilitator/teacher of this way of life and process, and even my ‘role’ as a wife on a deeper level. I have been returning to myself. Returning ‘home’ to me so that I could feel what I truly wanted in my soul and what I was working, healing, and birthing on that level and beyond.
For me, this separation phase was never about completely severing everything that has made me ‘me’… this SoulFullHeart process has been the one thing that has ever worked for me, reaching deep into the heart and soul of my wounds and my gifts too. In fact, it was this process that held the steps into separation and the bigger context of it and held all of us through everything that came out of it and is still unfolding too.
Letting go of these souls that I have so much ‘history’ with on a heart and soul level has been one of the hardest things for me to do. What was so interesting to me though, were the many moments of dawning realizations, not just of what had to collapse between us and why in both this life and other lifetimes, but also of these newly arising senses of how to serve myself in my own unfolding process and how this was the only way to find connection with my beloveds again if that was to arise someday. This allowed me to feel so much surrender to every moment of sadness, anger, despair, joy, and connection both inner and outer and allowed me to allow in the Divine, Star Family, parts of me, and aspects of my Metasoul in other lifetimes too.
I found ways to feel my heart again, even though it was breaking. I found openings within me on the other side of many tears and sometimes rather feverish journaling and deep meditation experiences that allowed me to feel deeply loved and held by an energy both bigger than me and as big as me too. I could feel my beloveds actually living inside of me, where they would always live, no matter what happened next.
And, I trusted. Oh, how I trusted… I trusted every time I felt like trying to be social was a stretch for my parts that day and stayed home instead. I trusted every journal entry, every time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, every time I was reminded to be gentle with myself because parts of me were getting too caught up in accomplishing or ‘getting over this’ already and couldn’t be gentle with themselves or each other. I trusted every feeling of being in a heavy downward shame spiral, knowing that if I could just hold it and be with it, I would find the other side of it. And sure enough, there were my guides in the form of beloved Metasoul and Divine connections, calling out to me, reminding me to lift UP and hold it all with my bigness and heart capacity, not go down with it. I realized over and over again how humbling this is to do and how no one can teach you how to do this, it has to come from your own experience.
I’m still digesting the goodness that I’ve earned now…that is really about earning the expanded capacity to transact goodness and love with others, not the goodness itself so much. I had goodness even in the separation. I just have it again in these precious relationships with those that know me better than anyone ever has and who I am getting to know and fall in LOVE with all over again.
My heart is full, happy and humbled to be ‘back’… to be in sessions again as a Facilitant and perhaps eventually a Facilitator when it’s another phase of that for me. I highly recommend meeting with Raphael or Jelelle for a session, at least one, to get a taste for yourself of what I’m sharing here. This process has a deep impact that can’t be forgotten, even if you only dive into it for a while. More information here about sessions: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions
Much love to you, from the heart of my journey to the heart of yours!
Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.