Tag: personal process

Feminine Shadow Exploration: A Piece Of My Personal Journey

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

“It’s October 2019 and I’m spinning, whirling, wondering what’s really going on within me, why I can’t seem to help parts of me truly let go of comparison, of feeling ungraceful and ungrateful, of feeling unworthy of the love of my intimate community, let alone the love of the Divine within and around me. I’ve been asked to take space from my community of beloveds to go into and reconcile what has continually been coming up inside of me and not yet been truly held, let alone felt, by me as a centred, adult woman, who is calling herself ‘Kalayna’.

I am in a panic, feeling an avalanche of self-doubt and absolute heartbreak, knowing that this space-taking is likely leading to leaving my beloveds for at least a phase, if not the rest of this lifetime, if I can’t find my way into more of my own bigness and inner ‘home’. I feel the love that would always flow between us as souls, even if I need to go off and be with myself to reconcile something quite deep in my own shadow that they can’t be impacted by so harshly anymore.

I am in some deep self-punishment and shame, but also recognize after years of this inner work, that this pattern of suffering is keeping me from experiencing the depth of love I really want and need within… a depth of love that can then overflow to others with more grace and ease, even in the messiest of conflicts or the burning up of old relational ground.

As I lean into myself more and more each day, and feel the Divine within supporting my ongoing process, I begin to open out something so deeply ingrained in my inner shadowland. I find an aspect who calls himself ‘Hades’. Hades doesn’t care much for others, let alone other parts of me. Well, he does, but his care is complicated as it involves trauma-bonding with these other parts, making them need him somehow and find comfort in his more twisted way of feeling things, his way of making the uncomfortable, the suffering loops, feel somehow ‘normal’ and even necessary.

It turns out that Hades is one aspect while there are a few others for me to feel, and that he is the Gatekeeper holding the veil to feeling them. I begin to feel them all, one by one, and where they live in my Metasoul and my being in this life too. I feel patterns of being a scorned priestess, even a Queen who couldn’t make it work and was shunned, and a few different lifetimes of not quite being able to get up and out of a fear of my/their own bigness and power and truly live into it. I feel the pain of these aspects and how fusing to them has played out in my life many times. I also feel the frequency of having killed others for the sake of power and jealousy… something that is excruciating for me to feel.

I feel how humble I’m becoming as I feel all of this and how I’m learning to surrender to my own unknown inside of myself… how I just can’t know what the Divine truly wants me to do or become. Even as I surrender to the unknown however, I begin to feel clearer and clearer about the energies I am learning to love inside of me and what my true potential is.

It takes me a few months to truly live into this daily healing journey of diving deeply and even finding a renewed sense of joy, all while still showing up for daily life and holding jobs. I still miss my beloveds so deeply, especially as I go on to spend Christmas alone, but I feel my icebergs that were once parked in my shadowland melting day by day and my growing clarity about what I want in my life and the sort of soul family energies I want to be intimate with on the outside coming up so strongly. I also feel who I want to BE as I let in those energies and relationships and the ache for living into that from the inside out.” ~ Kalayna

It’s now 3 years later and here I am, as ‘Kasha’ and no longer ‘Kalayna’, having graduated not only that heartbreaking and heart-opening phase of my life, but also several other challenging and growthful phases in different geographies, different relationships, and in service of love expression too. All because I’ve been willing, even through deep pain, to go into my shadowland AND work my way through to the other side.

It is a huge honour to now be leading a women’s call with Jelelle that will focus on shadow exploration for the feminine… serving alongside Jelelle was always the dream and even as this was starting to happen back in 2019 with the very first women’s call we ever led together, I could barely let that in. I had so much pain and unworthiness come up that it was sabotaged… my dream was sabotaged. My shadow came up to be felt and when she came up, she was practically screaming with frustration, mostly at herself.

As we explore the feminine shadow, there’s so much power packed in there. There’s so much to these energies of self-punishment, shame, and blame, that actually wants to become the flip side of that… that actually wants to become genuine heart-based service of love within and without and wants to have nourishing relationships as much on the inside as on the outside.

The feminine shadow has a LOT to unpack, not just in these trailing-edge energies that can keep us in smallness and pain, but also in leading-edge energies, access to feminine magic and alchemy, not to mention DEEP access to discernment, clarity, and care.

Join Jelelle and I on Sunday, Oct 30th for a by-donation women’s group call, focused on discovering and feeling your Shadow Feminine, however she shows up now! The call will be at 5pm London/Lisbon time and you can donate via our Shop or through PayPal or via Wise (formerly TransferWise). You can find more info about this call here.

Sending so much love to you and your ‘shadow’, your hidden seats and seeds of empowerment and heart, even if there is also pain and ache to wade through and feel along the way!

Love,
Kasha

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Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

About Our Personal Journeys & The Process (Video)| Gabriel Amara & Kasha Rokshana

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

Join SoulFullHeart Facilitators/Teachers and Sacred Union Mates, Gabriel Amara and Kasha Rokshana, as they share about their own personal journeys with the SoulFullHeart process/way of life and community over the last decade.

They have both been deeply devoted to their own paths of healing and inward journeying, which continues to lead them into deeper territories within their hearts and souls, deeper embodiment as sacred humans, more access to the frequencies of their Sacred Union bond, and into the waters of service to others which starts always within.

They both have many writings about their personal journeys, their own Divine channellings, and digestions about what’s moving in the collective during this time of Matrix peak and collapse which can be found at http://www.soulfullheartblog.com

If you’d like to join the FREE online SoulFullHeart community, The SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, go here: http://soulfullheartportal.mn.co

The Deepen 2022 video series with Raphael and Jelelle Awen will be released on Youtube yet also on the SoulFullHeart website/blog, and the SoulFullHeart Portal. For more information on the series, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/deepen2022

More information on 1:1 and couple’s sessions and FREE 45min intro calls with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator can be found here: http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

Letting Your Shadowland Do Its Work

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

I’ve felt invited back into my own shadowlands recently. Partly from reactions to what’s happening in the world at large, as there really is SO much happening all at once, yet also because of things shaking out for me personally. Plus, being here in Avalon, there is a lot that the Divine Heart Chakra pulse invites you to feel, explore (especially within), and reconcile with.

My shadowland explorations have me exploring my relationship to my truth, to what empowers and doesn’t diminish me as a heart/soul/woman WHILE keeping an open heart. I’ve always been a feeler, but now I’m asked to feel even deeper. And, not for my own sake alone, but for the sake of the service-of-love I’ve come here to embody and offer.

The textures that live beneath the reactions, that open the portals to the vulnerability…the fears, tears, longings, and heartaches that live in parts of me, aspects of my Metasoul, and the sacredness of feeling without mentally tracking. My masculine can have a hard time with the latter sometimes, yet my feminine, as she becomes more and more embodied, usually ‘wins’ that toggle with her heart spaciousness and gifts of self-permission to just feel without needing to ‘know’ a single thing about ‘why’.

The darkness and shadow of the outer world… well, it has its own playout, doesn’t it? Ultimately, my heart and soul trust it all, even as there are many things to feel. As an empath and healer, I feel it’s important to let the cries of the world move through, just as the cries of my inner world do. The world around me also has hurt, aches, longing, and fear. It wants so much it doesn’t feel worthy of receiving yet.

As I awaken deeper to my own shadowland and the power it holds, I awaken to the shadowland of the collective and what is being explored, consciously and unconsciously, by all. I feel the sacredness in everything that is churning and burning, even as I let the impact of it move through my own opening and healing heart. Perhaps the biggest piece that still lies in shadow, is the impact of every choice, action/inaction, and every deeper feeling tone left unfelt and instead overridden.

“The darkness still has work to do…” and it certainly IS doing the work it’s here to do. We can only surrender to that process, trust it as deeply as we can, and let it help us all heal individually and collectively.

Love,
Kasha ❤

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Moving Back Into Being A SoulFullHeart Facilitator!

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Solais

When I came back in the ‘SoulFullHeart door’ in January after a few months away from the community, it was on waves of newly awakened desire to BE in community, arising from the new developments and layers that had been healed within my inner world. I felt elated, relieved, SO happy to be back in sessions and to be felt in everything I had moved through and held ‘on my own’ — which was never really ‘on my own’ as I felt the Divine holding me the whole time and had so much support from everything I had cultivated within in connection to my Star Family and high-vibe Metasoul aspects in other timelines too.

I knew in my heart that this was the work I was meant to be doing, though I didn’t know yet how that would help me reconnect to the community and soul purpose work I missed so much. There was a definite void in my life and it was hard, so hard, to be with that every day, even as there were SO many new openings happening within and a solidifying sense of self that I couldn’t have found if I hadn’t been ‘away’ and holding my own process so deeply.

I knew that even though I had a passion for facilitating and heart-open space holding for others that it would likely be many months before I would find myself holding that ‘role’ again. Actually, I’ve had to learn A LOT about how this is NOT a ‘role’. It’s been very, very humbling for parts of me to realize there is NO way to ‘perform’ soul purpose, it just IS and it just FLOWS with who you are and are becoming, starting inside. There is nothing that can be fabricated or manufactured about it. No ‘image’ can be conjured. For me at least, this is what has been true as I continue to really dig deep and purify my reasons for wanting to serve love, discovering more layers as to why I’ve been so drawn to it, and to humbly accept every step of the process to embodying this!

I am deeply humbled to be stepping back into this space of being a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women once again! I truly feel both excited and sober. I get how deep the pain is for parts of you and how much longing there is to heal but also how much damage and hurt has sometimes been endured from others in the name of seeking that. I know that it takes a lot for parts of you, especially the Inner Protector, to let yourself and other parts of you be felt and held space for, to let their pain come to the surface to heal instead of just be dealt with or coped with in order to simply survive life. My desire is to help you find your own empowering and fulfilling steps into your healing that can’t really be predicted, just felt and walked out.

Feel free to send me a message if you’d like to book a session with me and/or visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions to find out more information! My personal page is also back ‘up’ again if you’d like to read more about me and take in more of my energy.

Much, much love to YOU and every part/Metasoul aspect too!

Kalayna ❤

Kalayna Sessions Card w details (1)

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Women’s Faciltator, collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Incoming Spring Sun Codes Remind Us To Be ‘Gentle’ Within

Published on by Kasha Rokshana1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

In this hemisphere, we are now skirting the edges of the awakening of spring time, which supports us all to do our ‘spring cleaning’ on ALL layers and levels of our BEing. I walked home from my day job yesterday to take in the sunshine, feeling intuitively that I needed it as support for my own personal transitions and upgrades right now.

 

What I seemed to capture in the photos I took were some powerful codes that continually encourage emergence from this last winter’s sometimes very intense inward time. I also felt them lighting a spark within. A spark of burgeoning clarity but also of the motivation to keep going, keep feeling, keep letting in the next growth edges and phases while letting in love too.

It’s that ‘while letting in love’ part of it though, that still trips up so many, it feels like. You can be a ‘maniac’ for personal growth and still find it challenging to let in that love is ultimately holding the space for it all, encouraging and supporting you to keep going but to do so with self-love and care too, even gentleness with yourself, which shadow explorations especially need since they have often been so long met with angst and anguish or completely ignored instead.

Sometimes I have to remind parts of me, as desirous as they are to keep experiencing their own healing, that any energies of self-punishment on our way there won’t work anymore… this was especially challenging during my separation from SoulFullHeart this past year. I was reminded by another brilliant, bright soul who is doing this work and living this process that I needed to remember to ‘be gentle’. When she offered me that, I realized how much I, Kalayna, was not holding the process waves coming through but that it was other parts of me, mostly masculine in energy, that were being very hard on themselves to try and ‘get through’ what we were trying much to hard to dive into and feel through. I’ll never forget the impact those words ‘be gentle’ had on me…

And so, here I am, offering them to YOU now…

“Remember to be gentle.”

Maybe this is one of the big messages from the incoming energies right now. As they intensify, actually, we’re left with little choice BUT to discover what being gentle toward ourselves actually means for us individually. The ‘old’ ways of shadow-hunting, of finding ourselves in processes inspired solely by tough and hammering ‘triggers’, of saying ‘yes’ to social situations or going outside of ourselves when what we really need is a bubble bath and some ‘me’ time, are being invited to be felt deeper as we let in and honour the parts of us that have held our/their processes in this way, thinking that they need to stay in their suffering loops in order to experience ultimate healing… in order to ‘deserve’ it/feel ‘worthy’ of it.

There’s so much to tenderly feel with these parts/aspects, however/whenever you can… there are many beautiful guided meditations from Jelelle Awen on our Youtube channel: SoulFullHeart Experience, that can help you start to feel them and bring them into your opening up heart space.

Much love to you, today, and always, during this time of transition into a new internal and external ‘season’ and beyond!

Love,
Kalayna Solais

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are exquisite space holders who are incredible at supporting you in your ongoing personal process. 1:1 sessions with them are available as well as monthly virtual group calls: soulfullheartwayoflife.com

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Following My Soul’s Call To New Geographies!

Published on by Kasha Rokshana4 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

For years now, traveling to Europe has been in my heart, ignited by a soul ache for frequencies that feel more like ‘home’. I don’t just mean on the level of feeling like my Metasoul aspects from many different ‘priestess’ lifetimes and the like get to return to their cherished sacred sites and monumental megaliths, but I’m also talking about the powerful galactic connections that live in that part of the world, where the veil between the ‘ancient’ and the ‘NOW’ is very thin.

It’s an indefinite ‘goodbye’ to Canada for now, though I can’t know when/if I’ll feel called to return here. I am leaning into the long-felt call of a nomadic soul journey which actually feels much more organic to who I am and always has!

I’ll be flying to the UK with my beloveds, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, to initiate the journey, but after we land we’ll have one night together and then I’m off to Scotland, a place that has been calling me relentlessly for a long time now! I do have ties in this life there, having the legal birth name “Calder” from my dad’s side where there’s definitely some Scottish heritage passed down, but in my soul, I’ve always felt connected to the energy and beauty of the land and have yet to discover on a higher-dimensional level, WHY I’m so drawn there.

After spending May in Scotland (in the Glasgow/Edinburgh area) I’m not sure what’s next. My Avalonian priestess heart feels the call of Avalon/Glastonbury and always has. My Celtic soul longs for the rich countryside of Ireland and the stunning natural beauty of Wales. My woman’s heart leans towards the feminine energies of South of France. I’m beyond excited to let in that I get to see and BE in these places and all of the European countries I’ve wanted to visit for so long. It’s all unfolding and quickly too!

When I reunited with my beloveds in SoulFullHeart after being separated from them, I didn’t think I would be making this journey so soon. I knew I wanted it, but also that I wanted it to be connected to them and to service somehow. I trust my soul on this one, that there’s going to be deep processes coming up for me in these ‘new’ geographies that I can’t access here, and that this all deepens my level of leadership and service in this world. What I heal within for myself I also heal in order to serve love… that is my deepest intention. And if the service of love IS my biggest desire, then there’s nothing to feel ‘afraid of’ on this journey but a whole lot to keep trusting, with every step that unfolds and every new direction I’m asked to take by the Divine.

Can’t wait to share more about this as it flows and moves me onward and into my Higher Timeline more and more! ❤

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Much love,
Kalayna Solais

Meeting Your Inner Orphan

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@benwhitephotography

By Raphael Awen

What we relate to as suffering, the Divine is passionately interested in. Divinity knew bliss, but had no sense of challenge or difficulty; and thus, no movement.

We feel something as deeply moving because that something flows in between the familiar tension we hold in our being of bliss and it’s loss.

We are the Divine out experiencing movement, growth, challenge and difficulty, all of which the Divine couldn’t know or feel were it not for its choice and our souls agreement to individuate itself into many gods – you and I.

Yes, you and I are saddled with godhood. And this explains our base tones of anxiety and fear. We knew and hold in our being remembrance of there being no separation, no veil of forgetting, no sense of any paradise lost.

This past week, I had a very moving encounter where I felt that it was time for me to formally meet my Inner Orphan Self – this core aspect of my soul who holds all of these tensions; this core aspect of my soul, out of which is born in this life, the Inner Child and Inner Teenager – both of whom are shaped and formed from the Inner Orphan soul aspect.

I simply tuned in Yeshua as a beloved guide, and dialed in a Golden Earth setting, and there in the magical outdoors, was Yeshua crouched down about 8 or 10 feet away, holding upright a (soon to be) eager toddler, who he then let go, as this beautiful baby focused his gaze on me and began to take his first steps crossing the space between us. Midway across, the name Bartholomew came as plain as day. I received him into my arms, and he readily received me. I intuitively knew that this Bartholomew would change my life, that holding him would require all the rigors of true parenthood and presence of being that this Orphan would need to transmute the pain in his heart, allowing both him and I to shift our destiny and to embody what we intended when we set out on our journey of ‘leaving’ the Divine.

This ache of loss held in the Inner Orphan soul aspect is the juice and the portal back to full embodiment, full familiarity, full familial fidelity. We long to return to soar in the heavens and so the Divine gives us the role of parent, re-parenting our own soul aspects as the very portal back to that which we lost only in experience, reassuring us that we never lost the actual possession or birthright of our full godhood.

In the days that followed this experience, I have surely felt a conscious vulnerability and arising of base fears and anxieties, along with deep tears – feeling so small. I have also felt a ‘me’ there who could handle and show up for all of it, as well as the Divine’s confidence in me and gratitude to me for my desire and willingness – that even now as I write these words, I feel a welling up of this support and energy.

I offer support and space holding and process within session space as a SoulFullHeart facilitator to others who wish to undertake such a journey, but it isn’t from any expert place of one who has ‘healed’ their anxiety and thus who has transcended their anxiety, or their depression, or their fear, but rather as one who has welcomed their fear, anxiety and depression. Quite the opposite, at many times, embracing this portal into pain has left parts of me seriously wondering if I hadn’t bit off more than I could chew. I can tell you that time and time again, I continue to come out the other side into newfound joy and range of being – what I see and feel as real transmutation of my being. This in turn only appetizes me for more and makes any ‘attainment’ look and feel like kindergarten all over again as I feel like a bigger beginner every time some ground or embodiment is gained.

Isn’t that what is really to be expected in an infinite love reality? Any and all progress measurement is swallowed up by love’s infinity. You get to be in infinite love if you’re willing to give up your stamp of certification of being anything other than part of this infinity. Certificates only look good on really boring office walls anyway. I’d so much rather know and feel real adventure out in the forest, the city and Golden Earth, with Yeshua, the Divine Mother, and The Divine Father.

Look for me and Bartholomew out and about feeling love and life anew in many ways for the first time. His name meaning is ‘Son of the Ploughman’ which so surprised me as I felt the plough as that which opens and prepares the earth to receive seed – it is through our wounding that the divine seed enters – ensuring that we will never lose our way – even through the deepest loss imaginable. We are ensured that all consciousness is finding its way back to all that it ever was and even being expanded out to more in the process.

That kind of starts to explain the hell you’ve journeyed through, or quite possibly feel like you are journeying through right now, yes? Doesn’t this speak also to the part of you who is more set on only ‘moving forward’ who doesn’t want to cry over spilt milk, who doesn’t want to get lost again in the world of feeling? This part of you will also need your showing up to negotiate the exploration and true healing journey your soul came here to undertake.

My truth is that we all individuated out of the Divine and came here to feel it all, even to get lost in it, so that we could be found by love, and in so doing, be truly of the greatest service to all of love and life.

Thank you for feeling me and for feeling yourself. 🙂💚😇

Much love,
Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/sessions

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send us love in the form of money: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart 🙂

Feeling Held By Divine Mother During Intense Life Transitions

Published on by Kasha Rokshana1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

As usual, when the world on the outside feels intense and hard to be a part of, I feel the arms of Divine Mother enfolding us all… encouraging every one of us to go back inward and start there before we try and ‘do’ anything on the outside, for if we can come from love (especially of self) and not despair or disdain in our action-taking, we are miles, leaps, infinite bounds ahead of the intensity of collapsing timelines and the pain of what’s burning up still in 3D life and conditioning.

It occurred to me yesterday that often when my own life is shifting, I end up making choices that are somehow rooted in wanting to dismiss what ‘isn’t working’ anymore or to have an energy of disdain or even despair and disappointment leading the charge. I began to feel into this as the way that parts of me have ‘had to’ lead decision making oftentimes in the past. But, what if that doesn’t ‘have to’ be true anymore? What if now I can come from a heart that is FULL of trust and love, understanding that sometimes things don’t work out the way parts of me were picturing they would, but that ultimately my soul is leading something GOOD?

And, what if this is an invitation not only for me but for others too? Because if I’m feeling it for myself, it’s definitely something that is rumbling through the Oneness that connects us all…

I know for myself that making space to go back inward and collect the parts that are feeling upset, distraught, unsure, uneasy, etc, helps to settle the energies, remind them that I am here, that they are supported, that they can trust me and trust the Divine. If I don’t feel like I can hold a candle for easing the distress they might be feeling, then I’m not taking enough space to feel myself and to create that Haven/Heaven they need to lean into inside of me.

This is the template that Divine Mother provides us through absolutely everything we face and walk out. She offers too, much much context to lean into if we can be still long enough to hear and feel Her when things feel overwhelming and hard and when life is in upheaval. Patiently she waits by our side as we pick up the pieces of our breaking hearts. Openheartedly she holds compassionate space for what we are learning to hold space for in ourselves and what we are learning to create with Her, with love, in our outer worlds.

So often, even when I’m in the middle of a deep fog and A LOT of pain is coming up from whatever part/soul aspects I’m working with, I hear her say to me, “You are finding your way…” and even when it feels as if I’m not, I know and trust that I am.

“You are finding your way” can sometimes mean we are fumbling in the dark for a while trying to figure out how to turn on the light. It can sometimes mean stumbling upon ‘roadblocks’ on our way to realizing our desires. I’ve never felt Her say to me that I shouldn’t want what I feel I want. I have only ever felt Her encourage me (and especially my masculine aspect who is used to finding ways to just ‘get it done’) to keep surrendering to the timing and the overall unfolding, but not to dismiss the dream altogether, for the ‘how’ is far less important than the dreams of the heart and the overall journey of the soul that we really cannot help but be on.

Much love to you during these ‘Imbolc’ energies that feel like they are inviting transitions into new timelines, all held by Divine love and support…

Support is here in SoulFullHeart should you feel drawn to a session with Raphael or Jelelle Awen and there are many guided meditations that may help you as well on our Youtube channel: SoulFullHeart Experience.

Love,
Kalayna Solais

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

Honouring Your Own Unique And Very Personal Journey Of Ascension

Published on by Kasha Rokshana1 Comment

By Kalayna Solais

Feeling behind. Feeling as if we are risking being ‘left behind’ if we aren’t able to tune into what everyone else that shares awareness of Ascension is tuning into and feeling personally. Fearing that we aren’t going to be enough to ‘ascend’ or to be ‘chosen’ TO ascend, perhaps.

These are feelings that I think so many of us can resonate with on some level. These fears feel existential and like they live in our Metasoul aspects in other timelines who HAVE been ‘left behind’ by others and on a deeper level still, there’s more to feel about ‘abandonment’ by the Divine too… maybe also in this life parts of you have trauma from the ‘competition’ conditioning, from growing up in a culture where you are always striving to be THE best, not YOUR best or even just where you are at and having that be ok. There are so many layers to this and for me, I’m still discovering many of them personally and how deep they go.

I’m a part of a highly catalytic process and soul family community that we always say is on a ‘moving conveyor’. The more work you do within you, the more your outer world changes and the more shifts you feel invited to take of your own volition too. The more parts of you that you feel in their traumas and begin to have a relationship with, the more you realize the changes you need to make in your life in ALL areas of your life.

This means that at any time, one of us could decide unilaterally that there is something we need to address, move on from or move toward, and that could be a big thing or a small thing. There are always next and next and next steps too as the inner awakening and openings deepen. There are new discoveries and new strata of consciousness that begin to open up and out. New relationships are drawn. New alchemy on all levels. All of these are sacred journey markers that are very individual and a result of the individual journey. It look and feel like pure ‘magic’ and it really is, but it’s also worked very hard for.

When you have conditioning in your soul’s timelines and the heart of your parts from this lifetime that there is something always to envy in others for the sake of feeling badly or ‘not good enough’ inside of yourself, this isn’t that easy to digest all the time. Jealousy can be kicked up. A feeling that you must be lacking something or have something ‘wrong with you’ if you aren’t experiencing what they are experiencing. This is one of the major reasons why I needed the break I did…. so that this comparison dance and suffering loop could be deeply felt into by me, so that I could arise for myself with more respect and self-love. This could only happen if I got big enough for my most intense and self-punishing parts/aspects to lean into me. This was the crux of my process at times in relationship to the lives of others around me too… feeling parts of me envying their skills (that they’ve worked hard for), their fitness level, their relationships, etc. This has gone on and on for me for as long as I can remember… and only now is this starting to shift into new ground.

Why is it SO hard to just BE with our own journey? Why do we look to others for templating but then resent them for it at times?

These questions feel complicated and like the answers lie within every individual. I think it’s so hard to remember that we are ultimately here to experience Ascension in a PERSONAL way, though we are returning to oneness too. I’m discovering, especially as I feel a relationship beginning with a Reptilian aspect of me, just how deep this ‘programming’ of avoiding the individuation process of our healing and Ascension actually goes and why it can feel a bit scary.

I had a yoga teacher once, many years ago now, who offered something during class that made us all laugh but it was actually quite poignant. She was showing us the many stages of one particular posture. When she got to the most advanced one, she said,

“See? There’s NOTHING there! There’s no need to rush yourself into this ‘advanced’ place when you have so much to discover along the way”.

That really impacted me at that time and it remains with me today because I think I was supposed to take that in deeply for my own ongoing experience of spirituality and of life itself… it really IS about the journey and not the destination. Ascension is a journey. ‘5D’ is not really a destination so much as an invitation into a new frequency in which to anchor our consciousness as much and as often as we can. Every individual’s soul expression and attainments are their own, often worked for over multiple lifetime experiences and deep inner work too. There’s nothing left to ‘envy’ if we can see it this way… but there could be a lot to be inspired by!

Plus, our own journeys, when we have the space within to honour them, are proof positive of our own inner work and also the growth and healing phases that we personally need that are a reflection of our bigness in order to be with them. Maybe there is no ‘ultimate destination’ but in fact, it all keeps deepening and expanding from here. This is such a humble way to look at and hold ourselves and this whole Ascension process on a collective level too.

I wanted to share this bit about my own journey and discoveries as an expression of my own uniqueness that I’m learning to embrace more and more. I hope that it helps you feel more love and respect for your own too… for the journey you’re on as YOU.

Much love! ❤

Kalayna

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Coming ‘Home’: My Journey Away From And Back Again To Soul Family

Published on by Kasha Rokshana2 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

I feel like I’ve arrived back ‘home’…

And in many ways, I have!

I have been on a journey inward for the last three months. I collapsed my relationship to my beloveds here in SoulFullHeart, my ‘title’ as a Facilitator/teacher of this way of life and process, and even my ‘role’ as a wife on a deeper level. I have been returning to myself. Returning ‘home’ to me so that I could feel what I truly wanted in my soul and what I was working, healing, and birthing on that level and beyond.

For me, this separation phase was never about completely severing everything that has made me ‘me’… this SoulFullHeart process has been the one thing that has ever worked for me, reaching deep into the heart and soul of my wounds and my gifts too. In fact, it was this process that held the steps into separation and the bigger context of it and held all of us through everything that came out of it and is still unfolding too.

Letting go of these souls that I have so much ‘history’ with on a heart and soul level has been one of the hardest things for me to do. What was so interesting to me though, were the many moments of dawning realizations, not just of what had to collapse between us and why in both this life and other lifetimes, but also of these newly arising senses of how to serve myself in my own unfolding process and how this was the only way to find connection with my beloveds again if that was to arise someday. This allowed me to feel so much surrender to every moment of sadness, anger, despair, joy, and connection both inner and outer and allowed me to allow in the Divine, Star Family, parts of me, and aspects of my Metasoul in other lifetimes too.

I found ways to feel my heart again, even though it was breaking. I found openings within me on the other side of many tears and sometimes rather feverish journaling and deep meditation experiences that allowed me to feel deeply loved and held by an energy both bigger than me and as big as me too. I could feel my beloveds actually living inside of me, where they would always live, no matter what happened next.

And, I trusted. Oh, how I trusted… I trusted every time I felt like trying to be social was a stretch for my parts that day and stayed home instead. I trusted every journal entry, every time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, every time I was reminded to be gentle with myself because parts of me were getting too caught up in accomplishing or ‘getting over this’ already and couldn’t be gentle with themselves or each other. I trusted every feeling of being in a heavy downward shame spiral, knowing that if I could just hold it and be with it, I would find the other side of it. And sure enough, there were my guides in the form of beloved Metasoul and Divine connections, calling out to me, reminding me to lift UP and hold it all with my bigness and heart capacity, not go down with it. I realized over and over again how humbling this is to do and how no one can teach you how to do this, it has to come from your own experience.

I’m still digesting the goodness that I’ve earned now…that is really about earning the expanded capacity to transact goodness and love with others, not the goodness itself so much. I had goodness even in the separation. I just have it again in these precious relationships with those that know me better than anyone ever has and who I am getting to know and fall in LOVE with all over again.

My heart is full, happy and humbled to be ‘back’… to be in sessions again as a Facilitant and perhaps eventually a Facilitator when it’s another phase of that for me. I highly recommend meeting with Raphael or Jelelle for a session, at least one, to get a taste for yourself of what I’m sharing here. This process has a deep impact that can’t be forgotten, even if you only dive into it for a while. More information here about sessions: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Much love to you, from the heart of my journey to the heart of yours!

~ Kalayna

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.