Coming ‘Home’: My Journey Away From And Back Again To Soul Family

by Kalayna Solais

I feel like I’ve arrived back ‘home’…

And in many ways, I have!

I have been on a journey inward for the last three months. I collapsed my relationship to my beloveds here in SoulFullHeart, my ‘title’ as a Facilitator/teacher of this way of life and process, and even my ‘role’ as a wife on a deeper level. I have been returning to myself. Returning ‘home’ to me so that I could feel what I truly wanted in my soul and what I was working, healing, and birthing on that level and beyond.

For me, this separation phase was never about completely severing everything that has made me ‘me’… this SoulFullHeart process has been the one thing that has ever worked for me, reaching deep into the heart and soul of my wounds and my gifts too. In fact, it was this process that held the steps into separation and the bigger context of it and held all of us through everything that came out of it and is still unfolding too.

Letting go of these souls that I have so much ‘history’ with on a heart and soul level has been one of the hardest things for me to do. What was so interesting to me though, were the many moments of dawning realizations, not just of what had to collapse between us and why in both this life and other lifetimes, but also of these newly arising senses of how to serve myself in my own unfolding process and how this was the only way to find connection with my beloveds again if that was to arise someday. This allowed me to feel so much surrender to every moment of sadness, anger, despair, joy, and connection both inner and outer and allowed me to allow in the Divine, Star Family, parts of me, and aspects of my Metasoul in other lifetimes too.

I found ways to feel my heart again, even though it was breaking. I found openings within me on the other side of many tears and sometimes rather feverish journaling and deep meditation experiences that allowed me to feel deeply loved and held by an energy both bigger than me and as big as me too. I could feel my beloveds actually living inside of me, where they would always live, no matter what happened next.

And, I trusted. Oh, how I trusted… I trusted every time I felt like trying to be social was a stretch for my parts that day and stayed home instead. I trusted every journal entry, every time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, every time I was reminded to be gentle with myself because parts of me were getting too caught up in accomplishing or ‘getting over this’ already and couldn’t be gentle with themselves or each other. I trusted every feeling of being in a heavy downward shame spiral, knowing that if I could just hold it and be with it, I would find the other side of it. And sure enough, there were my guides in the form of beloved Metasoul and Divine connections, calling out to me, reminding me to lift UP and hold it all with my bigness and heart capacity, not go down with it. I realized over and over again how humbling this is to do and how no one can teach you how to do this, it has to come from your own experience.

I’m still digesting the goodness that I’ve earned now…that is really about earning the expanded capacity to transact goodness and love with others, not the goodness itself so much. I had goodness even in the separation. I just have it again in these precious relationships with those that know me better than anyone ever has and who I am getting to know and fall in LOVE with all over again.

My heart is full, happy and humbled to be ‘back’… to be in sessions again as a Facilitant and perhaps eventually a Facilitator when it’s another phase of that for me. I highly recommend meeting with Raphael or Jelelle for a session, at least one, to get a taste for yourself of what I’m sharing here. This process has a deep impact that can’t be forgotten, even if you only dive into it for a while. More information here about sessions: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Much love to you, from the heart of my journey to the heart of yours!

~ Kalayna

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing Polarities Within Illuminated By The Eclipse and 1:11 Passage Energies: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Jan. 13, 2020)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

Go here to subscribe to receive these in your email inbox EVERY Saturday!

In this week’s Museletter, we feature an energy update by Jelelle Awen of the emotional polarities that came up with the Eclipse. She invites you to feel the parts involved in these polarities to understand where they come from and how to heal them:

“On the other side of this passage, there is a sense of calming down and more rest, more groundedness from within, and an emotional reset. There is a sense of space within to digest in a more full-hearted way the changes and choice points that may have been illuminated to you during this passage.”

There are also some new writings this week from Jelelle and Raphael Awen and Gabriel Heartman. These include personal proess updates by Gabriel, energy updates and timeline shifts by Jelelle and inspirational digestions by Raphael.

Jelelle Awen continues her video series “Deepen 2020”. This series will be offered on an arising basis, rather than every day for a set period of time, and will be responsive to current events/cosmic energies/personal & collective process, etc. Every Deepen 2020 video will offer a teaching and a guided meditation. You can watch these on her Facebook page or our YouTube channel.

You can watch all podcast episodes on the SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel or listen to the audio on the SoulFullHeart Soundcloud channel or iTunes channel.

Jelelle Awen is leading her next monthly virtual women’s group called Sacred Arising Feminine Exploration (SAFE) on: Sunday, January 26th at 10:00am PDT over Zoom She will teach about navigating relationships with mates, birth family and friends during your awakening process as a woman: https://www.facebook.com/events/1064404573895702/

Raphael and Jelelle will be co-leading their next monthly group transmission over Zoom on Saturday, February 8th PDT. This group is about the ongoing process of healing the warrior within and from other lifetimes to move into becoming an ambassador of love. More information here to join them or receive the recording: https://www.facebook.com/events/310908349856878/

For more information on these events, visit: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

Raphael, a SoulFullHeart Facilitators for men and women, is now offering FREE 30-45 minute intro calls over Zoom to see how the SFH process and ongoing 1:1 sessions may support you on your healing and Ascension journey. Jelelle Awen is now working with women new to the SoulFullHeart process in 1:1 bridging sessions. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! You can become a patron of SoulFullHeart through a one-time or monthly donation via our patreon page.

Check out the latest Museletter here

 

Letting Go Of Community To Find It Anew Inside And Out

Hello, everyone. It has been some time since I have written a post due to a lot of inner processing since the New Year. I have been met with an awareness of myself that has been subconscious, and even unconscious to some degree, in my relationship to being in deep intimate community. I have been writing about this a lot as it has been my main focus since 11/11.

I have projected a lot of my own wounding onto those that are closest to me that have created an unfortunate dynamic that has been underground inside me for some time. I have recognized my own tendencies to repress some things that have needed air and they have just built up over time. In unpacking these suppressed realities and parts of me, I have found that I am in deep need of catching up to who I authentically am as a healer, leader, and in service to the Divine.

This has felt like a last gasp of my ego coming to the surface in many ways and I have recognized that they best way for me to truly reset this dynamic is to remove myself from the SoulFullHeart community as a member and a facilitator. It is how I can have these parts of me fully land in me fully and to see and feel community in a brand new light. Sometimes we need to step outside of something in order to let it in in a deeper and expanded way.

I have had a lot of amazing memories with everyone in SFH, and that makes it all the harder to let go. Yet this feel like a necessary journey for me as a man and as a leader. I need to find my soul and heart voice and hold that with integrity in relationship to others, especially as intimate as we have all been the past seven years.

I know this comes on the heels of my last post about soul family, which I still hold as true, but it was a bit premature for me to post it as we were all still in processing together about these intimacy dynamics. I have removed it since for that reason. I still hold everyone as soul family. It is for this reason that I am doing this. Out of respect for them, my parts, and my growth.

I will be looking to move to the Seattle area soon and start to go deeper into my BEing and my human heart. I have a lot to reflect on and a lot to share along the way as that feels appropriate to share. I feel so blessed to have been a part of this community with Jelelle, Raphael, Raianna, and Kalayna. They are my heroes and my guides. It is a very sobering and humble time for me and that brings with it a lot more reverence and gratitude. I am aiming to cultivate more of that in months to come.

Thank you all for your years of support and reflection to me as man coming into his power and his heart. It has been a huge gift to me that I will be taking with me. I feel many of you as part of that ‘family’ feeling. I have a lot of trust this will lead me to a brand new experience of myself and of the world around me. I look forward to digesting it all along the way however it is meant to serve.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

2019 Death/Rebirth Passage Opens Up To A 2020 New Dawn: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Dec. 30, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

Go here to subscribe to receive these in your email inbox EVERY Saturday!

In this week’s Museletter, we feature a digestion by Jelelle Awen of the death and rebirth energy coming in with the new year. Many relationships, jobs, etc are coming to and end as the new 2020 higher timeline comes in:

“Three days into 2020 already and it does feel like we are on moving to the ‘other side’ of this intense pressurization and death/rebirth passage. The other side is not completely free of angst, hurt, growth, and feeling necessary darkness/shadow. Yet, there is a sense of this ‘New Dawn of A New Decade’ energy holding the bigger space for it.”

There are also some new writings this week from Jelelle and Raphael Awen and Gabriel Heartman. These include personal proess updates by Gabriel, energy updates and New Year gratitiude by Jelelle and inspirational digestions by Raphael.

SoulFullHeart Facilitator Raphael Awen continues his daily video series titled “Alive” in which he shares vulnerably and on a new topic each day. You can watch these on his Facebook page or our YouTube channel.

Jelelle Awen begins her own video series “Deepen 2020”. This series will be offered on an arising basis, rather than every day for a set period of time, and will be responsive to current events/cosmic energies/personal & collective process, etc. Every Deepen 2020 video will offer a teaching and a guided meditation. You can watch these on her Facebook page or our YouTube channel.

You can watch all podcast episodes on the SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel or listen to the audio on the SoulFullHeart Soundcloud channel or iTunes channel.

Jelelle Awen is leading her next monthly virtual women’s group called Sacred Arising Feminine Exploration (SAFE) on: Sunday, January 26th at 10:00am PDT over Zoom She will teach about navigating relationships with mates, birth family and friends during your awakening process as a woman: https://www.facebook.com/events/1064404573895702/

Raphael and Jelelle will be co-leading their next monthly group transmission over Zoom on Saturday, January 11th PDT. This group is about the process of connecting to the 1/11 codes available on this day, continuing to digest the past experiences of your awakening, and align with higher frequency intentions for 2020. More information here to join them or receive the recording: https://www.facebook.com/events/777180949450667/

Our next local event is our Four Day March Equinox Gathering from March 20-23rd. This four day gathering offers the opportunity to immerse into your soul and heart realities in a deep, powerful, and transmutational way. For more information go to: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatherings

For more information on these events, visit: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

Raphael and Gabriel, SoulFullHeart Facilitators for men and women, are now offering FREE 30-45 minute intro calls over Zoom to see how the SFH process and ongoing 1:1 sessions may support you on your healing and Ascension journey. Jelelle Awen is now working with women new to the SoulFullHeart process in 1:1 bridging sessions. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! You can become a patron of SoulFullHeart through a one-time or monthly donation via our patreon page.

Check out the latest Museletter here

 

Living Below Your Birthright

By Raphael Awen

Working for anything that is yours by birthright is a form of resistance to that thing, allowing a part of you to hide its resistance while appearing like it actually wants the pursued thing, usually to maintain social acceptance.

‘Working for a living’ for instance is one of the biggest examples of this and misnomers out there. Living doesn’t occur by virtue of working. Living occurs by virtue of your essence, by virtue of your being.

Your being receives life and gives back to life in a natural economy of gift exchange. If you shortchange life in this natural exchange, that is, giving something less than your best, your true gifts, what you came here to give, and settle for a ‘job that pays the bills’ instead, you can be sure that life will respond to you in kind with a reflection of your ingratitude for what you are given. This is not any kind of punishment from an angry God or angry universe, but simply an invitation into an awareness of what your own alchemy is producing. An invitation in your innate more which you already possess.

You already are a powerful alchemy that is producing exactly as it was designed to, even if you are, like me, still consciously wanting to change or alter this alchemy.

Already encoded into you is every last provision you will ever need to fulfill every last detail of what you came here to do. If you are experiencing a drama of lack moving through your story at the moment, this too, is a provision of an invitation into an initiation of this more that you already are. This is a big opportunity to feel and heal parts of you still encoded in lack, while being submerged in a super-abundant free-energy universe, inside of an even greater multiverse.

While there is nothing to work for, in this way of earning or qualifying for anything, there is however, your necessary reach for what you want and desire, as the universe cannot successfully provide anything you aren’t willing to want or choose. The circuitry cannot complete without your desire, choice, intention, and your action.

So what feels like the need to work as in earning something, is actually more about the necessary effort involved in claiming your essence. It will take ‘work’ for instance to slowly get to know and love the part of you conditioned and convinced to a ‘working for a living’ reality, to let in this new reality, but this is a self loving kind of work that is pure joy and creative play to be with. The opposite of drudgery. A gift that keeps on giving.

We all have a lot to learn in entering this new reality, but it feels so exciting to lean into it more and more. I’ll take me a big chunk of that for 2020!

You are the light of the world, even in your darkness, a city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. The universe aches for your arising.

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/sessions

Photo by me taken at our favorite park close by!

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send us love in the form of money: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart 🙂

The Gifts And Challenges Of Soul Family

Soul family is the ultimate manifestation of our healing.

While we can feel an ache for it, there may also be parts that fear it just as much. Soul family is Love actuated and aligned. It is a fire walk and a beautifully intense journey.

As the conditioned and old ties that have bound us begin to show signs of weariness and completion, new resonance is sought and desired. There may even be a need for a solo phase to heal and realign within. There comes a time when the draw to Soul Family just becomes part of our chosen path.

I have been in this family of heart and soul for 7 years and it has been a long journey for me and my parts. I have found myself staring at the most difficult part of my growth and that is my relationship to intimacy, to transparency and to vulnerability.

This is no small feat for someone who wasn’t totally conscious of what any of that was seven ago. I just knew I needed support and guidance. Oh, and a mirror got thrown in for good measure.

I continue my healing of being in intimacy with others. It has had major challenges. Yet, my parts and I are becoming ever so much clearer that I have needed this and my soul wants me to keep moving through the tough parts.

So many projections become blatantly clear when you are in the swell of love and soul family. It is an unfortunate, yet important ground to keep working through so you can get the good stuff. The stuff you were drawn to Soul Family in the first place.

I am blessed to be a part of this with those that want to see me for who I am, not just what they think I should be, yet with their own self-loving boundaries. This is what keeps it sustainable and real. I am a better man and a better human being because of it.

So I send a deep gratitude to those that have been the biggest part of my life to date and in the future for as long as it is meant to be. Thank you and I love you, Jelelle, Raphael, and Raianna.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Tides Are Turning

The tides are turning.
What has always laid underneath
Is coming to the surface.
Coming into full view

We are each going to be presented
With a choice
A choice to feel
To take responsibility
To take action
To surrender
To forgive

We will be given access to
All that has haunted us
All that we have hidden
Or just couldn’t bear to see
As well as all that we have been
Prepared to become
To embody
To let in as our highest calling

The Light is breaching the horizon
Casting shadows
And providing illumination
How you respond to that is a choice
An epic decision for a part of you to die
In order to fly

This is the sticky, prickly
Lower 4D ground we have been walking upon
Because it is all that parts of our soul
Have ever felt they have known

But we are being shown something different
Something more alive
It is our courage to go into this ground
And bring the Light of our bigness and depth
To help set us free once and for all

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Long Goodbye

It feels like yesterday
But it was long ago
The arising reality
That it wasn’t meant to be
To be together
To be forever
Was coming into view

We tried all that we could
To patch it together
With all the strings of love
We knew how to gather
To keep it sailing
To keep the music playing

It has been a long goodbye
A road of letting go
Of all the things we collected
And held tight to along the way

Has it been the joy or the suffering
That I have clung so dear?
Sometimes I don’t know if I can tell
With a soul so used to despair
And a shadow of doubt to its repair

I have but two ways to go
The one that feels less traveled
Less likely
More forgotten
Is the one that seeks my return
Summons my courage
Calls my name

It is the journey home to my Heart
Collecting and guiding all of the lives
That have ever been alone, forgotten,
Afraid and downtrodden

It is the road paved with choice,
With trust, with desire,
And with honesty
That will lead me back to the Love
That has never left

So as I sit on the shore
Of this next unknown chapter,
I see how instead of this being
A long goodbye
It is rather an unfolding Hello.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Mutual Entanglement Of Victim And Perpetrator: Alive Daily Video Series | Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

Today’s Live: ‘The Mutual Entanglement Of Victim And Perpetrator’

In this video, I explore how we can embrace real forgiveness without paving over the part of us that does feel victimized and traumatized.

Here is the full Alive Series Playlist: https://tinyurl.com/uaghll3

Info about the free Intro call to sessions with myself: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Become a one-time or monthly donor and patron to support SoulFullHeart and our expression through videos, writings, and more! https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/sessions

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send us love in the form of money: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart 🙂

Change Happens As You Respond To The New, Not From Fighting The Old: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Dec. 23, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

Go here to subscribe to receive these in your email inbox EVERY Friday!

In this week’s Museletter, we feature a 2020 New Decade digestions from Facilitator Jelelle Awen. She describes the New Year INtentions shifting from a place of “fixing” the old, to embracing and embodying the new. She suggests framing change as a response to the new, rather than fighting the old:

“INtentions are becoming clearer. INtentions are less coming from a sense of self improvement or fixing (as declaring ‘resolutions’ can be) and more about what you really WANT TO BE and already ARE authentically as connected to your soul purpose expression here.”

There are also some new writings this week from Jelelle and Facilitator Gabriel Heartman. These include Christmas and Winter Solstice digestions of family and Christ Consciousness. Gabriel Heartman also shares some personal process updates. In her audio blogs, Jelelle Awen shares an Energy Update as well as a sharing about awakening gatekeepers.

SoulFullHeart Facilitator Raphael Awen continues his daily video series titled “Alive” in which he shares vulnerably and on a new topic each day. You can watch these on his Facebook page or our YouTube channel.

You can watch all podcast episodes on the SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel or listen to the audio on the SoulFullHeart Soundcloud channel or iTunes channel.

Jelelle Awen is leading her next monthly virtual women’s group called Sacred Arising Feminine Exploration (SAFE) TOMORROW: Sunday, December 29 2019 at 10:00am PDT over Zoom She will continue to teach about the energies and frequencies offered by the Divine Mother. More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/474843500044699/

Raphael and Jelelle will be co-leading their next monthly group transmission over Zoom on Saturday, January 11th PDT. This group is about the process of connecting to the 1/11 codes available on this day, continuing to digest the past experiences of your awakening, and align with higher frequency intentions for 2020. More information here to join them or receive the recording: https://www.facebook.com/events/777180949450667/

Our next local event is our Four Day March Equinox Gathering from March 20-23rd. This four day gathering offers the opportunity to immerse into your soul and heart realities in a deep, powerful, and transmutational way. For more information go to: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatherings

For more information on these events, visit: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

Raphael and Gabriel, SoulFullHeart Facilitators for men and women, are now offering FREE 30-45 minute intro calls over Zoom to see how the SFH process and ongoing 1:1 sessions may support you on your healing and Ascension journey. Jelelle Awen is now working with women new to the SoulFullHeart process in 1:1 bridging sessions. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! You can become a patron of SoulFullHeart through a one-time or monthly donation via our patreon page.

Check out the latest Museletter here