Raianna Shai

Needing To Be Needed VS Wanting To Be Wanted

Published on October 21, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

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In some ways, it’s a lot easier to be needed than to be wanted. Parts of us even need to be needed, finding self worth in having a job or role to play. This way, you don’t have to involve your own needs or wants into the situation, creating the least amount of tension possible. The recipients of the caretaking in this scenario have some lack going on inside themselves as well. If a friend needs you to hold the space for them to air out their feelings and “solve” their problems, then there’s probably very little space in them that’s able to hold it themselves. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just what most of us have been conditioned to do, look to the outside in order to heal what’s going on within. But in the grander scheme of things, how can anyone heal from the outside what’s felt most strongly on the inside?

So, the people and parts that choose to be the ones to focus on “fixing” others end up feeling like their needs are getting met because everyone else is happy. For myself, a part of me loves listening to everyone’s pain and trying to sort through it in order to help them. That way, this part did its “duty” of being a kind person and remaining in good graces with the other. And at an even deeper level, felt like it didn’t have to address the issues going on inside me. I would spend so much energy with this part feeling how to help the other person that there would be no room left for me – or this part!

Recently in session I felt into the idea of being wanted instead of needed. I wanted to feel why it scared this part of me so much. What I came to is that being wanted is vulnerable. Asking the question – does this person want me? – is even more vulnerable. The pain of realizing that the answer could be no is so much to bear that this part of me kept me at a very surface level with everyone so that I didn’t have to feel it. And I felt the deeper pain from this part of not being wanted by me – therefore projecting that out onto others. I remained a nice and smart person and couldn’t let anyone see any deeper than that, securing my identity through those two adjectives. Because if I’m nice and smart enough to be liked and needed, then why ruin that?

When you shift the tables on these parts of you and energize that you want them, not that you need them, an interesting reaction can take place. This part of me felt overwhelmed that he could have his own needs, and not fade into the background. That I want the mess, the contention when necessary for growth, the depth, the gifts, everything that comes with feeling this part as an individual entity, not as a role to play for others. Releasing the hold on this identity and role creates a lot of fear around who you actually are, behind all of the masks.

Asking yourself, am I wanted?, is both terrifying and illuminating. It can also be empowering, to realize your worth and decide that you want more. That you no longer want a relationship that thrives off of the skeletal outline of the bigness you actually are. When you choose to only be wanted and healthily needed, you draw so much more of this. More of what you want and need, more of what you deserve. We all deserve to be felt, to let in and to give love, to know each other’s deepest pains and biggest heart desires, so long as we ask for it and feel the pain that goes along with any possible outcome.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Healing The Patriarchy From Within

Published on October 20, 2017October 20, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

It’s the release of our weekly museletter, offering ALL of our writings, videos, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week! Go here to read or click on the image below:

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In this week’s featured article, SoulFullHeart facilitator Gabriel Heartman reflects on his relationship with his father and the energies he took in as a template for masculinity. He shares how he had to separate from his family, in order to feel these influences and heal them to create a sense of his own form of masculinity and heal the patriarchy within. This allows for a more balanced energy that flows with the formerly suppressed feminine energy within:

“But in the unearthing and untangling of the inner father, you find the reasons for it all. There is no bad guy in the process of healing and integrating. Going into my own inner father wounds, I could feel the grander heart of the Masculine at large. The power of sovereignty and compassionate truth-telling. The desire to end the war within and be in collaborative balance with the feminine. I could feel the the edges of my unworthiness and the real fear of surrendering to what needs to be reflected back at me as part of my growth and opening heart.”

Many of the articles this week reflect on the recent events of disclosure, overviewed by SoulFullHeart faciliator Kalayna Colibri and co-creator Jelelle Awen. Included in this is a digestion of the recent news of pedophilia by a well-known Hollywood producer and the #metoo campaign that came out as a response, felt by both co-creators Jelelle and Raphael Awen. Many of these writings have been turned into audio blogs for you to either listen to or read along with our voices.

Our next upcoming event is another livestream Q & A with Raphael and Jelelle on Sunday, October 29th at 11:11am CST.

We now offer a 30 minute FREE introductory session with a SoulFullHeart facilitator for you to connect what we offer in the SFH process with your life and journey. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offering. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest and support for SoulFullHeart Way of Life!

Here’s another link to this week’s museletter:

http://mailchi.mp/0079526be636/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-healing-the-patriarchy-from-within

When A Mother Becomes A Woman

Published on October 16, 2017October 16, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

Me and Mama

I’m feeling so grateful in this moment for my mom, Jelelle Awen. I got a fever and a full body rash a couple of weeks ago and ended up bunking with her and Raphael until now. Last night was my last night before moving into my new place, (granted, it’s a floor below them…) but this period of time healed a lot for parts of me. I spent many years in Canada living with my mom and Raphael but of course, prior to beginning this healing process, I had a very different relationship with them.

I checked in with my 3D protector last night and felt an overwhelm of gratitude and appreciation for not only her mother frequencies when I need them, but also her as a woman. Parents sometimes become these vilified people in our lives, especially as teenagers. They boss you around and have so many expectations for you that may not even fit the picture you have for your life. It’s hard to remember that they have their own pain too, their own desires and wants and needs.

Parts of me tried so hard to push her away when I was younger, not being able to handle her desire for my own bigness. Recently I’ve been reading books that she’s written about certain stages in her life, first Under the Bloated Banyan and now Keep Waking Up. It left me in tears last night, feeling how genuine her pain was. How hard she worked to feel it and heal it all, down to its very core and up to its expansive reach. Then I started to see her as a woman, just like me, and a flood of admiration flowed through me.

She’s mentioned to me a couple of times that she doesn’t want me to go to my new place, despite its proximity. Every time it makes my heart swell because these last few weeks have meant so much to me and felt like they healed something in the way I used to relate to her. Instead of hiding away in my room, my door is wide open, hoping she’ll poke her head in to talk. Part of me feels guilty for the way I treated her then, but it was what I needed to do at the time.

It’s humbling to read these books and feel how much I can relate to some of the things she’s felt. Part of me put her on a pedestal for a long time, and usually not in a good way. It’s also heart opening to feel her pain of being so imaginative and heart open but expressing it in these multidimensional and life changing ways that made some people see her as “weird” or worse. It hurts me to think I, or anyone else, has ever felt her as anything less than she is, a gorgeous soul rooted in love.

One sweet message that came from connecting with my 3D protector is this: “She’s the closest thing to the divine that I’ve been able to let in.” I love you, Jelelle. Thank you for creating SoulFullHeart so I can feel you as a woman and a mother in a whole new light. I’m so glad my soul chose you.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Halfway Between Base and Crest

Published on October 13, 2017October 13, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

It’s the release of our weekly museletter, offering ALL of our writings, videos, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week! Go here to read or click on the image below:

In this week’s featured article, SoulFullHeart facilitant Raianna Shai talks about a moment of clarity around the depth and breadth of this process. She describes the feeling of having journeyed to get from a low valley of pain to a higher crest of love and emotional healing through this SoulFullHeart process. She appreciates that it’s not just an uphill battle, but a constant rise and fall of going into the dark to reach the light:

“I feel so grateful for my journey at this moment. For my choice to realize that I’m even on a path to begin with. For my guides, who motivate me with their open hearts and genuine support. For the parts of me that have tried so hard to avoid the valleys, but learn to trust me and hold my hand as we descend. I can’t imagine a more dynamic and worthwhile life to live, this life of going in, going down, rising up and feeling whole.”

The museletter also includes beautiful and thought provoking writings from SoulFullHeart facilitators Kalayna Colibri, Gabriel Heartman and several from SoulFullHeart co-creators/teachers/facilitators Raphael and Jelelle Awen. Jelelle also offers a video extending her sentiments from her article “It’s Ok Not To Be Ok”.

The video recording of the livestream with Raphael and Gabriel on October 1st is included in the museletter. During the one hour plus broadcast, they talked about the 3D/4D/5D self, the SoulFullHeart process, and answered questions/responded to comments from viewers. Our next upcoming event is another livestream Q & A with Raphael and Jelelle on Sunday, October 29th at 11:11am CST.

We now offer a 30 minute FREE introductory session with a SoulFullHeart facilitator for you to connect what we offer in the SFH process with your life and journey. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offering. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest and support for SoulFullHeart Way of Life!

Here’s another link to this week’s museletter:

http://mailchi.mp/1d3ebd440c8d/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-halfway-between-base-and-crest

Halfway Between Base and Crest

Published on October 11, 2017October 11, 2017 by Raianna Shai1 Comment

By Raianna Shai

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I lay on my yoga mat after a relaxing bedtime practice. Meditative music plays in the background. I get this sudden feeling of the expansiveness of my soul. Of the other lifetimes occurring in the now that I have yet to connect with. I imagine a huge valley, a Grand Canyon of dips and climbs, all of which lead to my true essence of Divine light.

I realize something. I’m not at the bottom of the canyon. I’m somewhere in the middle, having hit my rock bottom only to choose to climb back up again. But admiring the journey ahead of me, I understand that it’s not a stairway up and up and up. It’s full of both ups and downs, pain and love, tears and laughter.

How could I know the entirety of my essence without dipping down into those low valleys? How could I appreciate the magnificence of the view at the top of a mountain without having started at its rocky base? And it’s not one big uphill climb either. I get to have these stunning viewpoints to stop and let in the beauty surrounding me, so long as I keep going to feel all of the other expansive highs and lows of this diverse landscape.

And I’m not alone on this journey. I get to know these different parts of me that I “collect” as I go. They become my companions, my students, and my teachers. We gain trust and understanding, a deeper sense of the love we have for each other. There are guides too. Human facilitators that are rooting for me on the sidelines, looking back at me from just a few miles ahead in their own journey. Etheric beings boost me over the crest of the mountains and advise my next move when I’m stuck or lost. Animals remind me what’s in my heart and instill in me a sense of purpose and passion.

I feel so grateful for my journey at this moment. For my choice to realize that I’m even on a path to begin with. For my guides, who motivate me with their open hearts and genuine support. For the parts of me that have tried so hard to avoid the valleys, but learn to trust me and hold my hand as we descend. I can’t imagine a more dynamic and worthwhile life to live, this life of going in, going down, rising up and feeling whole.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: ‘Business As Usual’ Is Not So Usual

Published on September 29, 2017September 29, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

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It’s the release of our weekly museletter, packed full with all of our writings, videos, and audio blogs for the week! http://mailchi.mp/354dc853d8b5/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-business-as-usual-is-not-so-usual-letting-go-of-3d-anchors-in-moneylivelihood-and-relationships

In this week’s featured article, SoulFullHeart teacher and co-creator Jelelle Awen talks about how parts of us will want to hold on to 3D anchors even as we are awakening in order to feel comfortable, stable, and safe. She describes the ways in which these 3D parts tend to “normalize” life by having the same frequencies in relationships, keeping the same 3D job that doesn’t serve our passion or leaving these jobs to rely on birth family which can also be limiting to the new openings that you’re experiencing on the soul level. She illustrates what it feels like to let these anchors go in the last passage:

“It IS possible to experience life as an arising wonder. Every moment open to the surprises and mysteries that could unfold if you can let your relationship to others AND to life and to love arise anew for you. The usual and normal give way to what Infinite Possibilities might bring to each circumstance and how they might be changed into the unexpected and even magical. In this arising wonder relationship to life, you no longer experience boredom and, when you do, you can feel the part of you that is still wanting to anchor to 3D life in some way and WHY they are. These textures of arising wonder happen when your higher self consciousness can come into your body, expanding your heart and opening your mind beyond ‘business as usual’ and into the sublime magic of All That Is.”

Love was a major topic of inspiration this week as well. SoulFullHeart facilitator Kalayna Colibri shares about loving these parts of you, the desire for love underneath 3D frequencies such as war, and the growth from a new journey of love. SoulFullHeart Facilitator Gabriel Heartman unearths the legacy of family wounds that he inherited and shares his experience of feeling and healing it. Wrapping up the week, Raphael Awen, SoulFullHeart co-creator and facilitator, feels the importance of feeling. Whether it’s strong feelings, not wanting to feel or even not being able to feel in the moment, these frequencies are all valid and are waiting to be noticed.

We now offer a 30 minute FREE introductory session with a SoulFullHeart facilitator for you to connect what we offer in the SFH process with your life and journey. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

Our next upcoming event is a livestream Q & A with Raphael and Gabriel answering your questions and responding to your comments on Sunday, October 1 at 11:11am CST. We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offering. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest and support for SoulFullHeart Way of Life!

Here’s another link to this week’s museletter:

http://mailchi.mp/354dc853d8b5/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-business-as-usual-is-not-so-usual-letting-go-of-3d-anchors-in-moneylivelihood-and-relationships

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: The Role Of Your Inner Protector

Published on September 23, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

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It’s the release of our weekly museletter, packed full with all of our writings and audio blogs for the week! http://mailchi.mp/5103fc7a8d4d/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-the-role-of-your-inner-protector

In this week’s featured article, SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Colibri describes what connection with an Inner Protector, an aspect of your 3D self, feels like and what it looks like as that part transforms with you through feeling them and healing other parts of yourself.

“As you heal, the need for a strong Inner Protector lessens and dissipates. Impenetrable walls and defensive reactivity turn into healthy, porous boundaries held with love and self-worth. The Protector changes form, helping you to transform as well, allowing for greater, sweeter intimacy with self and others that may challenge you in good ways at times. Ultimately it’s a process of letting more love in, for that is really what the Inner Protector is afraid of… love flowing into you and permanently changing all that it has worked to maintain up ’til now.”

SoulFullHeart Facilitator Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna both connect with their 3D selves in this week’s writings, as well as their Inner Teenager (another important aspect of the 3D self.) The past few weeks we have been focused on a reboot of the SoulFullHeart Process that we offer through weekly sessions with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, including reconnecting with the main 3D self primary parts that we find come up very often and strongly and are often overlooked or suppressed in spirituality. We now offer a 30 minute FREE introductory session with a SoulFullHeart facilitator for you to connect what we offer in the SFH process with your life and journey. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

Other writings in the museletter describe the beauty and importance of connecting with, loving, and healing these parts of you, emphasizing the desire and need for love that exists within all of us. SoulFullHeart co-creator and facilitator Raphael Awen beautifully describes how we can have what we want, as soon as our higher selves and our parts are ready for it. SoulFullHeart co-creator Jelelle Awen offers an emoto-spiritual energy update this week about finding balance during the equinox amidst the upheaval caused by weather patterns and internal processes.

Thank you so much for your interest and support for SoulFullHeart Way of Life!

Here’s another link to this week’s museletter:

http://mailchi.mp/5103fc7a8d4d/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-the-role-of-your-inner-protector

Journaling With My Debt

Published on September 15, 2017September 15, 2017 by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

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You’re not so scary…right? I mean, you certainly have this power to make me quake in my boots but there’s nothing you can aaactually do…right?

For parts of me that’s not true at all. For a part of me debt represents failure. Especially when other people know about it, especially when it affects them.

So I wonder, what is the worst possible scenario that can happen with debt? Well, I could go to jail. Assuming by law it would even be worth it to them to send a young girl to jail for a $5000 loan… That doesn’t feel possible at all though and the thought of that just makes me laugh! Me? In jail? Yeah right… So what are the other consequences that are really hitting home right now? There are the complications of moving back to Canada and trying to get a bank account and ruining my credit. But that still feels so 3D and doesn’t even bother my parts all that much.

Then there’s the emotional response of what other people think of me. Ahhh, there’s the ticket. Other people, always other people. So what do these “other people” represent that make me feel so self conscious to admit that I can’t pay back my loan. Society, perfection, blending in, failure. Everything that takes me off the conveyor belt of conforming to standards and onto an unknown path. A path where you…lead yourself? Where you can…love yourself? That feels so foreign and wonderful and terrifying… So I ask this part of myself, what is it that’s so damn scary about being different and having people see me being different?

“Well, Raianna, it means that they can see me, which means that they can judge me. If I do everything right according to them then I’m inherently invisible. I can’t make anyone uncomfortable, I don’t have to think outside the box, there are rules and regulations that I can follow so I don’t have to think or feel on my own… okay I can see how that might get boring. But it’s so much EASIER!”

I take this in and address my angel cards (a gift I’ve been given to help parts of me bridge to connections with higher frequencies, guides, and the Divine). Interestingly, two out of three cards mention letting go of fear and negative emotions of victimization (the other tells me I should be doing workshops so I guess I’m good at writing about this stuff?). That helped me regain the perspective that I’m not a victim to my circumstance. I can feel the pain behind what debt means to a part of me but it’s also already something I’m working through. I’ve kept myself in a suffering loop over money for so long and even this part of me feels ready to be done with that.

So, as an action to go along with this new perspective and more 5D feeling around debt, I’m going to delete the emails that I’ve been getting about the actions that the loan office will take against me and let go of this debt that keeps me chained to the 3D world. It will no longer be an anchor for me as I heal the pain that lies in being seen and being different. I haven’t chosen an easy path, but I’ve chosen one that calls my very heart and soul, and that, to me, feels so much more fulfilling.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Seeing, Feeling, and Healing The 3D Self

Published on September 10, 2017September 10, 2017 by Raianna Shai1 Comment

“In SoulFullHeart, we are spending much time and energy right now creating a more standardized process to navigate this 3D, 4D, 5D self exploration, differentiation WITH you of the 3D/4D/5D self and then relate this to ALL seven areas of your life: emotional, spiritual, mental, social, physical, financial, and environmental. Through weekly sessions with your SoulFullHeart facilitator, you would feel together where the 3D self shows up and how, what the next places are to grow your emerging 4D self, and even what specific life changes you want to make related to what you discover to move you more into your highest timeline/5D self expression and life.”

The writings in this week’s Museletter were largely inspired by the newly structured process of SoulFullHeart that we are creating with blends of both masculine and feminine energies. We have all engaged in writing letters from our higher selves to our 3D/4D/5D aspects of ourselves and the importance of connecting with our 3D selves in particular, has been revealed this week after writing these letters. In the featured article, as quoted above, Jelelle describes how the 3D self can be stuck in fear and resistance to love which plays out in the seven areas of our life. As we awaken, our 4D selves desire to let in more love, which challenges these 3D resistances. Connecting with your 3D self feels like the launch pad for further awakening and expansion in your being, all held by your higher self and the divine. Feeling the pain and the fear through parts work allows these frequencies to be transmuted and brought along during ascension.

In addition to Jelelle’s digestion of this new framework that we’ve begun to create, Gabriel and Kalayna have also shared beautifully vulnerable writings about their connections with their 3D selves and what illuminations have arisen from them. Raphael has a unique perspective on the new process by feeling into the larger idea of what spirituality means to him including a clever exercise of “making up your own spirituality” in minutes. Another topic touched on by Jelelle are the intense energies of the recent hurricanes and various weather patterns. She feels into the invitation that these events have provided us, which are to transition away from a 3D way of living and not to feel victim to our circumstances. Gaia is supporting death and rebirth to move into a higher timeline and consciousness overall.

Our next upcoming event is a livestream next Sunday, September 17 at 11:11am CST. PLUS, new recordings and information on our new 30 minute free intro calls! We love to share our love to you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation you feel that resonates with our offering. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate.

http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest and support for SoulFullHeart Way of Life!

Here is the link to this week’s museletter:

https://us14.admin.mailchimp.com/templates/share?id=67075817_370d23dd625638e8fc3c_us14

Passion, Power and Purpose: Gifts From Pandora’s Box

Published on August 23, 2017August 23, 2017 by Raianna Shai3 Comments

by Raianna Shai

Pandora's Box.jpg

Passion.

Floods through me like a river rushing to feel the freedom of an ocean. Carries me through highs and lows, through desire and anger, through love and loss. Fills the untouched and dusty attics of my emotional ceiling. Transforms blank walls into colourful reflections of my soul. Holds my deepest wants and needs with intention and clarity. Gives me the fuel I need to fly.

Power.

Energizes a deluge of self love. Lays down the shield and raises the heart. Turns on the light to reveal the shadows. Lights up from the inside out. Radiates from body to heart to soul to others. Supports the lover to love, the teacher to teach and the leader to lead. Provides the strength to let go of that which no longer serves. Becomes the wind beneath my wings.

Purpose.

Wakes me up in the morning in realness and truth. Wraps up gifts until they’re ready to be opened. Spreads love like a wildfire sparked by truth. Waits to be noticed, watered, and cared for. Remains rooted in the ground, waiting to bloom anew. Supports the human experience. Gives reasons and answers to questions of doubt. Holds me up when I start to fall.

These are the three “P’s” that I’ve been working to unlock. My darkest shadow aspect has been revealed to me as my soul guardian, Pandora. And with her box she keeps my deepest pain, my most intense desires, and my greatest gifts. Up until now, opening that box would mean chaos, horror, loss, and ultimately hell. But with love and growing trust, she’s gained faith in my ability to handle these soul pieces more and more. I’ve felt the fear of dying, the unpredictability of passion, the potential tumultuousness of truth, the strength of power and the nourishment of purpose. I have refused to transcend my fear, but instead to feel its depths and my need for it in the 3D world I chose to inhabit for so long.

I have felt these effects already transmuting into love in its place, giving way to passion, power and purpose. I lived so long in neutrality, acquiescence, and invisibility that was gifted to me by Pandora and my parts in order to avoid the pain that feeling my fear inevitably leads to. Feeling this as a gift has not only fast tracked this process, but it has also nourished the self love inside of me. Of course I want to love every aspect of myself, even those in shadow, because if I can’t do that, how can I truly love others?

My desire for purpose has never felt quite so strong. I feel how even before this process I had a huge desire to heal anyone I could. To give them whatever they needed to feel better or to hopefully feel their pain. After starting this process I tried to give “advice” as best I could but without their desire to go as deeply in as I knew it could go, I struggled to say what they wanted to hear. I took on these energies without feeling myself and had no more room for my own growth. So I stayed stuck in a cycle of needing to be needed. Working with Pandora renewed my sense of excitement in something that helps me grow in order to use my overflowing love to help others in an ever deepening way. I’m so grateful for all that she’s done for me these past 22 years, but we both feel fed up and ready to grow up. Ready to dive into the depths of my soul and catapult into an endless sky of that love that we are.