Loving The Spiritual Warrior Into The Spiritual Ambassador

Since the Solstice/Eclipse I found myself flying high in the sky to then falling toward the ocean like Icarus in the Greek myth. An outer trigger that constellated another layer of my wounded masculine and feminine.

It illuminated the ways in which they are both still working out their relationship to each other. As my own ascension and maturation process continues, I reach more subtle areas of my wounded and shadow selves. Then the subtle becomes more obvious and like an elephant in the room.

The awareness I felt was that parts of me still look outbound for validation rather than inbound and from me and the Divine. Before this SoulFullHeart work, I would respond to this awareness by trying to ‘improve’ myself or take care of my ‘shit’. This only brought in more frequencies of self-judgement rather than self-compassion.

Through connecting to my inner world of parts and Metasoul aspects, I have become more clear about who I, Gabriel, is as the ‘eye of the storm’ sort of speak. I am becoming more clear of my Essential self, that Me that is the spark of the Divine.

As I connect to that energy more, I can start to see the architecture of my wounding more and be able to hold the parts of me in vibration and pain. I am the Ambassador of my own ascension. My trailing edge wounds are a part of who I am. I cannot go very far without them. Their ascension is my ascension.

So in I go. Feeling. Reflecting. Compassionating. Loving. Owning and Growing. This is the path of Spiritual Ambassador, not the Spiritual Warrior. Even the warrior is held in Love and not in spite. It has enumerable gifts that are the fuel of our devotion to Love for all humankind and for ourselves as human souls.

For more on this topic of 4D Warrior to 5D Ambassador I highly recommend today’s call with Raphael and Jelelle Awen. They will be bridging these energies through teaching and a guided meditation to bring in more compassion, forgiveness, and self-love. It will be available as a recording as well. To get the details go to soulfullheart.org/freetobe2.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Remembering Our Starseed Essence

By Deya Shekinah

Every week the parts and themes we are feeling and connecting with through the ‘Free To Be Two’ group calls seem to be naturally interconnected, offering me a much bigger picture of myself, the world, and the Universe. 

My Inner Teenager, Yasmin, feels so connected to the collapse of the 3D Matrix. Feeling her is helping me collapse the matrices inside at the same time as I’m witnessing them collapse on the outside. Feeling where she was ‘plugged in’ through the school systems and birth family templating is helping me unravel all the beliefs and ideas she holds about who she is meant to be. 

Last week I could feel her in the school corridors, overwhelmed and unprepared for the huge transition that it was. I could feel her innocence, as she carried my Inner Child in her arms wearing PJ’s and holding a teddy bear. She quickly learnt to ‘grow up’ and hide her Inner Child and innocence so she could ‘fit in’ and ‘survive’. This created so much depression which I can still feel here now, as hidden with her childhood innocence was also her curiosity, her creativity, her sense of purpose, and her multi-dimensional connections.

Something that feels so rich within my Inner Child is this connection to the magic, to the mysterious, and to the stars. As life got denser through living in 3D, I forgot about the magical essence of my Inner Child as she seemed to get further and further away. I am now remembering her and feeling how she has been there all along as the one who was questioning everything and longing for Home. 

She feels like my Starseed, who is revealing herself organically as Yasmin is deeply digesting her experiences this life. She feels expansive, curious, and open to all the possibilities in this Universe. She restores the magic in this existence and reminds me of the bigger picture of all that is happening in our world right now. 

Connecting with my Starseed brings me into a deep peace within, as she helps me remember I have never been alone and that those who I have longed to go home to were always here with me, inside me, every step of the way.

You can join Raphael & Jelelle Awen today for the fourth call in our Free To Be 2 series, Navigating The Matrix Collapse to New Earth Transition, at 10:00am PDT with teachings and a guided meditation to connect to your Star Seed within, Star Family, and galactic consciousness. You can join live and/or receive the recordings for a donation at soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen. More info here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

Much Love, 

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

3D Matrix Shaking Up To Wake Us Up

By Deya Shekinah

There is an intensity in the world right now that seems to be in a constant ramping up and amping up. It feels like we are in a pressure cooker set at its highest temperature and cooking speed. I see this reflected in the current events happening in 3D right now, how it can feel to parts like it is ‘one thing after another’.  I am also seeing this in my personal process. It feels like there are so many threads up for healing and completion, other timelines bleeding through, and past relationships coming up for deeper completion. Basically, anything that cannot come with us into the New is calling our attention inwards if we are choosing to go there.

In my own process I am feeling how overwhelming this can get for my parts, especially the Inner Masculine parts like the Inner Protector and the Gatekeeper. They feel like they are wanting to set a self-loving, discerning pace to our process and for us, even as they may use ways of protecting and suppressing us that do not feel that way. I feel them trying to navigate all of what is coming up through a very limited lens created in the 3D way of life, that teaches us to avoid rather than meet what we are feeling.

Inside myself when life sparks things to feel and digest, and with so much anger, injustice, fear, pain and confusion coming up to be felt, I feel an inner struggle at times. I feel a struggle between taking care of myself and my parts, and caring about the world and feeling what is moving within it as the 3D Matrix shakes up, breaks up, and is collapsing. 

For so long my parts approached healing and Awakening as something that needed to be done and quickly because they felt there was ‘something wrong’ and that they needed to ‘be fixed’. This created an intensity to how my parts would approach how they felt, a searching, a seeking which was not discerning or self loving. This has created more to heal and digest with them. I sense that happening for us as a collective now too, with Covid, the things happening in the US now, all that is being revealed to us. As we search for answers, deeper meaning and to fix it all, it feels like our parts can get caught up in it all without any space for digesting how they feel about it too. This creates more for us to digest around how we treat ourselves through this whole unravelling.

Through my own deepening with my parts through the SoulFullHeart process, and as higher frequency Aspects of my Metasoul are coming in as I digest the trauma of my 3D self/parts,I am feeling guided from within to take a more gentle approach, a more self-lovingly paced approach to what information I am letting in and how much my parts can actually feel and digest in one go. I am being offered and it feels like an invitation for us all, to move above these Matrices, to look from an overview perspective, which feels like it can happen more as we digest how we feel and the trauma our parts have experienced in 3D. 

This is not a bypassing of what is going on in the world or in our personal processes. I see the image of birds flying high and scanning the waters, which look like the 3D/4D matrix grids. As the bird we can choose where and when we need to go in and fish or be in the waters. I also feel the image of a mermaid, who can dive deep into the depths when she needs or wants to, yet can also enjoy being at the surface, being in/flowing with the ever-changing motion of the ocean with trust in the waves and the ones she is meant to catch. I feel how this picture allows us to go into feeling as and when we and our parts feel strong enough to do so, rather than them having to be led by expectation, guilt or shame. I am feeling these themes coming up at the moment to feel and it is not easy to digest. I feel more and more how much space and tenderness we need around us to feel all we are being called to feel.

A self-loving pace to feeling, healing and digesting feels so important, especially as it feels like the collapse of the 3D matrix will keep getting more intense for us all. I feel us knowing inside when and what we need to go into, to feel for ourselves and in the collective, that what we need in life finds a way to present itself to us. We do not have to keep digging for the healing or the answers anymore. It feels like everything is being revealed to us as needed, and like this is a time of great Illumination for us all now.

I am experiencing through digesting and healing the trauma of my parts and Metasoul how more and more of these higher frequencies aspects are coming in to support me and have always been here supporting me, even as I could not feel them. I feel the energies of Golden Earth, Lemuria, the Pleiades, all wanting to support us and help us through these intense transitions, offering that we do not need to suffer in our suffering if we choose not to. Even though we will be where we need to be until we no longer do, this is a very soothing and accepting perspective that I love in SoulFullHeart. The complete Love and acceptance of where we are at, the trust in our own Soul and its timing, that is validated and encouraged through this process.

I feel we can all bring more Love into the process at any time even if we find ourselves in the deepest, darkest, densest places within ourselves and within the collective, Now. Allowing ourselves to slow down, digest, and feel as we go, feels like it will truly help us all and offers a break for the higher frequencies of Love to come in. To go INside more and more often for our answers and support, rather than look outside as life in 3D has taught us, feels like where we need to go and where we find the torch to guide our way into the New, to illuminate what needs to be met and moved through for each individual. I feel this will be needed more and more as we transition through this 3D collapse and all that is being revealed through the process. 

Yesterday’s Free To Be Two series Group call theme was ‘’3D Matrix/Cabal Collapse and unplugging w/ your 3D Self”’. The call was full of activating, inspiring and full of connection. These are powerful gatherings with Jelelle and& Raphael Awen offering much to feel, that supports the healing within, that does ripple out into the collective through our innate interconnectedness and oneness essence, it feels like. For more info you can head to soulfullheart.org/freetobe2two where you can purchase the recording for a donation.

So Much Love, 

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Deeper Intimacy With Self Through The Explorations With Money

By Deya Shekinah

Wow, what a topic money is. I feel so many layers and parts wrapped into the explorations with money. One of the things that Jelelle Awen offered in the SoulFullHeart Free To Be Two group call about money this week, was how some can relate to money as a false god. This landed straight away as what I experienced within my family, how earning money gave meaning to life and felt like the only meaning to life as there was no spirituality or religion in my upbringing. I feel how my Inner Masculine, David, took this on and how my Inner Child, Yazzy, was stifled by this. Since she was always so multi dimensional, she didn’t believe this to be true, but as there was no one bringing any other meaning, she became capped by that.

I remembered a time when a male family member said to me that ‘money is the only thing that matters in the world’. At the time, I was blown away that anyone could believe that. As I feel it now, I feel so much density in that picture of our world, the lack of joy or spaciousness in it. As I feel David, I sense this energy within him as the conditioning he received from birth family members. 

Right now I am in a transition into a new way of being and earning money, that is bringing light to David’s relationship to money.  I hold and feel a lot of trust around money after years of transitioning and exploring money. This transition has grown into a deeper awareness and understanding of a greater meaning of life, as well as what abundance looks and feels like to me. 

I have learnt that abundance is many things. Not only money, but time, connection, vulnerability with others, space to BE. These all feel like abundance to me. I am coming to know and feel that my inner feeling of abundance is what draws abundance on the outside including financial abundance, even as that is still growing. For David, I feel him seeing this abundance coming in and seeing money coming in for offering my Soul Gifts, but he still does not FEEL abundant.

The group call has helped me feel this with him, his reality more of distrust and lack that he has been in and learnt throughout this 3D experience, sure that has been the 3D experience. One of the core beliefs I feel held in David is, ‘there is never enough money’., I see how much this creates that reality for us because he is so focused on ‘there is never enough’. He cannot appreciate or acknowledge it as it is coming in. I feel how it is the ability to be grateful for what IS, in the moment, that draws more of that thing to you, which of course is a journey, not something you can create through bypassing feeling the lack of gratitude. 

I feel how this lack of money belief is actually a cover up for lack of love, connection, communication and boundaries, it feels like. Money becomes this huge focal point when there is no other meaning to life. Money has become this huge elephant in the room, where we think about it, worry about it, are anxious about it, but we do not really honestly talk about it, at least in my experience and in this culture of my current geography. The shame, the guilt, the resentment around money is of course going to make it heavy and joyless. This feels like it creates blocks to, and a push/pull within us and our relationship to money, as well as abundance in general. 

I feel the lack of joy the Inner Masculine can hold around life in general, which then seeps into his relationship with/to everything else in life. I feel David feeling joyless, I feel him longing to experience joy as my other parts do, his sadness that he cannot seem to meet them there. Yet I feel how no one has ever asked him what he likes, what the meaning of his life is, and how he has been disempowered throughout this 3D experience too.

So now there is this new ground to walk out with him, where he is included and wanted, where he gets to feel and heal too because he is valued by me through this process. So this is where talking about money leads us, perhaps not straight away to more money, although I feel that coming in but to deeper connection, understanding and intimacy with our parts, and with each other eventually too.

You can purchase the recording of this Free To Be Two group call about money and attendance at/recordings of future group calls in this series by offering a donation of any amount. More information at soulfullheart.org/freetobe2.

Love,

Deya & David

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Welcoming Everything In Closer, Sacred Union Within

By Deya Shekinah

This past month has been a deep dive with my Inner Teenager, Yasmin. We have been digesting so much together and navigating many timelines collapsing and arising. 

It has been a very tender time of feeling the reality of her experiences in this life, especially how she has been in relationship with others. Yasmin has always been such an open book, I have felt in this time of less sharing how her openness hasn’t always come from a place of self love. I’ve been feeling how she has shared such deeply intimate details of her life with others, with anyone really, because she so deeply longed to be felt, seen and heard… something she didn’t receive much of.

As we digested together, I have been writing but when it has come to sharing publicly, I am becoming more sensitive to her vulnerability. I am learning that instead of sharing, I can let her land more inside of me, letting her feelings be felt and validated by me, by Jelelle Awen and by those closest to me, who I feel safe with. Rather than trying to understand, I am learning to listen. To listen to her stories, the ones she has buried deep down and disconnected from. Feeling all the things she could not feel in other times of her life because she wasn’t safe to.

I am realizing all she has ever truly wanted was to be welcomed in all that she is and all that she feels, rather than only being desired, wanted or welcomed in certain energies of who she is. Her tears were so close this morning. I feel how other parts of me have learnt to try to fix her or push aspects of her emotional reality away. I feel how she also experienced this in all of her relationships to varying degrees.

As I moved and danced, I welcomed all of her in closer than ever before, all her tears, all her longing. She felt unsure at first, as tears have always been hard for her to feel without someone else holding space. As her tears were always hidden and not welcomed, it has taken me a long time to realize that they can be. As I grow through this process as a space holder, I am able to offer her a new narrative around tears and sadness, as I see more and  more how her longings and tears are the doorway to our desires for life.

She cried. She let go into me, resting more into the pain in her heart. It felt beautiful. It feels like the beginning of a new relationship, except this one is just with me. I want all of her because I know how much she has held alone, how much wisdom she holds because of that. I feel how deeply she loves when she is welcomed in all of who she is, and how the pain of not being welcomed has broken her heart open to life.

I sense some deeper layers of heartbreak arising, feeling the pain of relationships that didn’t work out and the times it has felt to her that people wanted her but only certain parts of her. The feeling of not being wanted in her fullness touches these tender tears. There is a growing sense of gratitude to those people who weren’t ready for all of her. I am a stronger woman because of it, who feels love for and loved by every aspect that makes up this expression of me. I no longer have to be more than or less than. I can be me, this beautiful bliss mess embodied as a woman. Trusting that as I love myself and see myself more and more, I will attract others who can only show up for the same.

Love,

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Choosing A Sovereign New Earth Domain

In my last session with my facilitator and mentor, Raphael Awen, I found myself at the gates of what parts of me refer to as ‘The System’. In its basic form it is the Institution of Authority (administered by the captive reptilian race that is inextricably entwined with us). The rules, norms, and programs set in place by alleged ‘experts’ and ‘elected’ officials to manage, manipulate, control, and confine our innate, co-creative God self. 

I realized in the juxtaposition of my God self, my reptilian, and this System, that we have been, and still are, willing participants in this arrangement. If I truly feel myself as a spark of Universal Creation, then I have to be willing to accept that I have been in cahoots with this dynamic. Otherwise, I am just a disempowered victim and my only freedom exists from either joining the System or battling It (and thus, my reptilian self), or choosing to suffer in it. Neither of which feels appealing or at all a reflection of my desire to be truly free, sovereign, and in Love. 

In the process, I realized how much I, and parts of me, have accepted the ‘rules’ as such. What if I choose not to lend my energy to the Institutionalized Consciousness, but to give it thanks for what it did offer me, like a parent who raised me for a certain portion of my life, and now choosing emancipation and sovereignty? Can I do that? 

Well, energetically, why the hell not? I can transport myself and my conditioned parts into a new world where there is no virus, no fiat currency, no taxes, lawyers, licensure, registrations, or documents to be signed, sealed, and delivered. I can freely travel there without a ‘valid form of identification’. I can seed that into my consciousness and let it find its way into this ‘physical’ reality the more I feel the parts of me that are skeptical and in doubt. 

The biggest thing to feel is what the hell would I do without those constraints? Is that the biggest fear? Of actually being so damn free that I could actually live and love in abundance and not just ‘dream’ about it? Fuck yeah, man! I choose to believe in that. Matter of fact, science is proving that to be the very case! So while that world is not staring at me square in the face, it does in my heart and my soul. That energy of feeling free is the seed of BEing free. I am under no illusion it will take time to manifest. But the more I continue to say “thanks, but no thanks” to the outer authority, institution, and systems, then I continue to break those chains that keep me and It locked in this dance. 

So, I face the System within. I look square at it. I give it gratitude and appreciation for all that it offered and taught me about myself. Now it is time to do this thing MY way. One felt, conscious step at a time.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Gift Of Feeling Pain &Trauma

By Deva Yasmin

There are so many ways I can see, of how parts of me can push beyond feeling pain in order to attain or achieve certain experiences. The spiritual search for a long time was a search for a place free of pain for me, the attainment of bliss states and higher consciousness feeling so much more superior and desirable, than acknowledging the pain and suffering parts of me were experiencing. I still see it playing out for parts of me, especially as we taste more of the bliss, joy and contentment that is arising, they desire to stay there, but as Embodied Divine Humans, that is not our purpose to remain there it feels like.

The thing is these states are actually arising, from me being willing to acknowledge, feel and listen to the pain and trauma my parts have experienced, not from any pushing away of, or striving towards, a particular state, this actually blocks bliss. It feels like the reason I can experience these more joyful feelings is because, as I deeply know the experience of the opposite, I can appreciate the true simplicity of what joy truly is. This is a constant circling between the both for me and my parts, there is no end place and yet there is a place of experiencing more and more goodness coming in, only as I am willing to let go of what is not loving or bringing feeling of goodness.

This is the cost it feels like, to experience the fullness of who we are, and what this life and universe has to offer us as Divine Humans. Through feeling the pain and trauma, I am liberating parts of me from the prisons and Matrices they have learnt to call home, but to leave the only home they have known is painful too. To leave behind what they felt was nurturing, loving and resonant for so long, to go towards the more that I feel is available, brings up so much for them to digest. To realize how much of what they felt was Love, has actually been toxic and kept them inside the prison walls, is painful, tender, vulnerable and raw.

There is a time, and a self loving paced, organic-ness to being ready to soberly look into the reality of the life that was known for so long. As parts are felt and validated in what they have experienced; first by others in sessions, which then templates how we can valid ourselves, more space opens inside of us. As I am deepen in this process, I experience how this space becomes available for higher dimensional aspects of myself, as well as Divine beings to come in and support my continued exploration with my parts.

The ones we have been longing for, the parts of us who have the higher wisdom we have been seeking for, and the Beings of Love who we have been calling for, for so long, forgetting how close they have always been, come in to us. It feels like our commitment to keep showing up for ourselves, is a beacon, as we become more attuned to feeling, we become more sensitive to the higher frequencies all around us. This for me is so much more embodied, which brings a visceral confirmation of what is real and the Love that is always here.

When I have pushed to attain a certain state, the higher frequencies can feel ‘floaty’ or ‘wishy-washy’, they cannot ground and actually be beneficial in my everyday life. My parts cannot let it deeply in, in the ways that is needed for them to feel, heal and integrate their past experiences. They cannot rest within me if they cannot FEEL, the stable presence of the safety these higher frequencies and Divine Beings are offering them, especially I feel Divine Mother. She feels so significant to my parts process right now, as I digest with parts of me who have never felt held or nurtured.

It feels like if we keep pushing beyond pain as it is arising, not being sensitive to the subtle contractions, we keep ourselves in the prison of feeling alone and in pain, we keep ourselves in the suffering loops. As I write this, I feel how I am learning to be really present to the subtleties of all this, this no longer has to be a process of digging and trying to unearth pain or trauma, the pain arises organically in response to just BEing in life, being available to the healing life is offering us in every moment. As there is more and more goodness arising, it can be quite the process as well to let that in, I feel many of us who have been on this journey for a while will resonate with the striving and pushing for healing, or the over focusing on what is wrong, it can feel quite addictive to parts who are so used to the frequencies of abuse and trauma, to want to stay there it feels like.

I feel I am entering into more of a space of flow with the process, and an availability for what is real in the moment, letting life and what is in my heart lead my process. This feels to me what it means to be embodied. Parts of me no longer want to get out of the body to find home, or out of feeling pain, because they are realizing more and more from experience, that their true home, their higher frequency origins and their Divine nature activates and arises from within, as they feel and clear the pain and trauma they have held onto for so long, because that is what has felt like home.

The empty space that is opening up within me and within my life, through my willingness to feel pain and no longer hold onto places, people & patterns in my life that cause more pain, can feel both completely full of potential and completely void. So many questions, and so much time to explore them, so much to digest, and so much clarity to be birthed in me too, A space of feeling, healing and becoming.

I find myself in the moment honoring a very tender process with my younger parts as they let go of relationships that have been abusive and toxic, non of this is easy, but it is real and honest, and that is what my Soul longs for. This is what my woman’s heart longs for, and as my parts learn to trust me, and they experience the beauty and goodness living life lead from a tender, vulnerable, open heart brings, feeling pain becomes SO worth it and SO valuable, as it becomes the Inner Compass guiding us home, always, to LOVE.

Much Love,

Deva x

Deva Yasmin is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

 

Feeling The Inner Masculine To Move from Surviving To Thriving

By Deva Yasmin

I have been noticing for some time a certain pattern or habit within me. I have been feeling and exploring this much deeper these past days as I adjust to a new way of being, it feels like. As I transition from dream space to waking space, I notice anxiety coming up, this automatic pattern that has been there for so long to get up, get doing, get working. Already in my dream space I sense a chaotic-ness as I am stirring into conscious reality.

I felt yesterday a part of me called ‘David’, my Inner Masculine I have been working with for a while. As we felt together I felt how long he has been in this way of life, getting straight up out of bed, straight into work/survival mode; to move into my day from a place of rest and stillness felt so alien to him. That is the invitation and opportunity now it feels like, as I no longer have work to go to, as many of us are experiencing. I feel that this is also an invitation into a new way of being for us all, of moving into more thriving than only surviving this life. I feel inside me the growing desire to move in all areas of my life from a place of inner peace and stillness.

David expressed to me that it was new to not have to go into the day from a place of stress and to-do lists, but that he also does enjoy the practical aspects of life. I felt him not so anxious about it, rather desiring to be acknowledged as the part that is here to provide for me and my parts practically. This felt so lovely and soothing to other parts of me, to feel I have David here to help with those things as they are needed. He then transitioned to becoming my Inner Father which opened some touching healing between him and Yazzy, my Inner Child.

It was interesting to me then to feel the same anxiety arising as I woke this morning, and when checking in I could no longer feel David but a new part coming through who was very anxious about having no work. I felt a lot of fear around how we will support ourselves financially and feed ourselves too. As I felt deeper, this part revealed himself to me as ‘John’, a Metasoul brother it feels like, in a timeline of starvation and poverty. He was very concerned, he felt taking time in the morning to ease into the day was frivolous, something he could not afford to do. I could feel him being the sole provider for his family, a wife and two small children, who were all starving and dying as were many people around them, it felt like. He told me how he had to feed his children, feeding them before himself, his fear so triggered by me no longer having work, as well as my new geography in London it feels like, and me now desiring to step into a new way of earning money, rather than the old way of employment that my parts are used to.

I was able to acknowledge his experience and his feelings, although I could not do anything to change his reality. I helped him feel that starvation and poverty are no longer a part of my life now, even as I live on less money and eat less too. My relationship to food is not coming from a poverty mindset, but rather from years of transitioning to feeling what I actually need versus overeating as a cover over to not feel my emotions. Feeling John so explains why I have had a fear based connection to food this life, feeling him starving in his. I supported him to feel the reality of his situation, soberly feeling the outcome, that him and his family may possibly die yet he did not have to suffer. He had the choice to be present with his children, love them, soothe them, rather than keep panicking about what to do. This softened something for him as I felt him moving into being in what is, and with his beloveds while he still could.

Feeling John I felt so much gratitude for what I do have in the moment, the food I have even if it is not the amount parts of me have been used too, grateful to feel that starvation isn’t part of my timeline now although I know it is for so many. I sense how much I have held onto because of the fear of survival, feeling how unhappy it has made me to stay in jobs I do not like and how even relationships too can be a way of covering over the fear. I feel how society can make women feel like they need a man to provide and survive and I am sure men have their own version of this too.

For me right now I have let go of so many things that have made me feel safe, as I have chosen to move towards my desires for more resonance and purpose in my life. I have a feeling of how I wish my life to feel, so I am having to meet all the fear of moving towards it. I feel how I have been in this transition for some time especially around money, having struggled to manage full-time employment. I had to question how much I actually needed. Feeling how much energy and inner resources it takes to maintain work that is not my passion, I no longer wanted to do it and with the exchange of money no longer being a big enough draw for me either, I now desire to thrive not only survive.

Exploring what it feels like to thrive is a new exploration ground, feeling through the transition of having less money to truly feel what thriving feels and looks like. It feels like a transition we will all have to go through at some stage in our Awakening. For me, thriving does not mean the same thing as success; thriving is not solely based on financial abundance but can include that too. To thrive for me feels like TIME, to have time to actually live, to enjoy the world around me, to breath it all in. To be grateful for the simplest of things, vulnerability, connection, intimacy, honesty, and service of Love to others and self. Feeling balance in all areas of your life and to be leading from love, peace and lots of joy rather than lack and fear. These are not things that can be maintained or even experienced when we are so overly focused on the 3D survival matrix paradigm, as I have just remembered, again, after needing to go into full-time employment that is not my passion or Soul purpose once more, to finally be able now to leave it behind.

I feel an empty space between where parts have been focused for so long on 3D, to where we are heading in 5D/Golden Earth Reality as I checked in with Enu, my Pleaidian aspect around this. Also, to feel where I am now as I explore how to transition personally. Enu told me that in her world, they do not work with the energy of money, that it is an Earth experience/challenge and frequency, part of human life only, it feels like. I feel her holding the picture of energy exchange, of freely offering our gifts to one another when needed, of sharing with others and of not being scared of asking for help when it is needed either, that all resources are shared in her timeline. Abundance means so many things in her world, whereas here on Earth it can so often be felt or seen as only money equals abundance. They are also deeply connected to their creativity and gifts which gives them life, as well as living on prana too, rather than physical food as we do. They absorb life force from the world around them, through breath.

This feels so much like what I have been longing to experience and am on my way towards especially joining SoulFullHeart as a Collaborator, with the desire to be a Facilitator in the future, as well as one day living together in community. It is what I moved towards more, moving into my new place in London too, with beautiful resonant souls, a choice that was financially risky after losing my job but that David navigated and manifested financial support for me around too. Now I have the space to breathe and question what I want to bring into the world, what is my passion and the creativity/wisdom and healing I have to offer to others through my own healing. I feel the desire and LOVE in my heart switching on to be of service to others, for which I will need to continue to feel the parts in fear around all of this.

Feeling the higher timelines available does soothe my parts and helps me be more in the moment around everything, keeping my vision alive and burning, anchoring me in my commitment to keep going IN and feeling all the difficult reactions and timelines within my Soul. Feeling with sobriety when things are not working, when things have become stagnant and when we need to move in a different direction is SO hard. Feeling when there is nothing to do, but to feel the pain, sadness, grief, trusting that that is what will move us forward when the time is right, and the Divine knows the timings here not us.

Learning to trust the perfection of this life, this universe, comes to me through being able to sit in, be in, and feel everything that is moving within me. Feeling the Love growing for myself, feeds my truest desires and gives me the courage to keep moving towards NEW Earth, even though the way through is in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. This does not have to be a scary transition anymore though, as more and more resources from within our Soul are activated as we feel the lifetimes/timelines where we have been training and preparing for these times for so long. Everything we need for these transitions is within us.

Love,

Deva x

Deva Yasmin is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

 

 

 

 

 

The Awakening Of The Reptilian Self

Yesterday was a very emotionally heavy and visceral day for me. I have been feeling rumbles within my masculine over the past several days in response to what he was calling The System. We all know what that means, i.e. the particularities of living in a 3rd density world. Laws, social norms, bureaucracy, money, et al. There was this arising desire to fuck it all and just go live in a nearby park and detach himself from it all. It had a ring of freedom in it. I have the capacity in my soul to just live simply and on the land, which I did in Mexico with my SoulFullHeart beloveds, so it wouldn’t be a huge deal in some way.

Yet, in these reactions there is always something deeper. As was offered to me in our SoulFullHeart Facebook group, the desire to be free is an aspect of feeling a freedom of expression, my masculine expression. That landed very deeply and I could feel my inner masculine, Marcus, resonating with that. He was feeling the ways in which his own creativity has been used in a very practical way in order to survive and manage in the world. Not a very sacred use of his power and passion, but also very necessary.

As I woke up yesterday, I felt an anger begin to swell about all of this from within. I let him vent it out to get to a raw place and then deep tears came. A flood that seemed to last off and on for most of the day in between falling asleep several times. A feeling of hopelessness came over me that was hard to get a hold of so I just let it be. Let it take its course. I was offered by Raphael that there is some grid work that I was working on that is connected to the collective rumbles that are going on. I had felt earlier how these types of uncertain reactions are deeper responses to what is moving in the world. Sometimes it just takes me away and is hard to find me in all of it.

As the energy continued to move through me I began to get an awareness of my reptilian self name Gilesh. I have connected with him briefly in the past but it never got to a visceral awareness. Marcus, my wounded masculine, was a doorway to my reptilian aspect. I feel how this may be true for a lot of us. This hierarchical power structure that leads all the way to the Wizard of Oz itself, the AI. Once I was able to see him, so much began to come to the surface. I realized he was awakening into his and my awareness, really, for the first time.

I saw him lying on a kind of hospital bed with cords all around him, having been unplugged and in reaction to what he was experiencing. It was like an enormous detox from the centuries of being imprisoned, conditioned, and controlled. Very similar to the scene in The Matrix where Neo wakes up to his reality. I sat with him and just held the space for him to feel. A lot of rage and despair came from remembering what and who he was before the ‘take over’ he calls it.

This is quite significant for me. I have been really wanting to access this aspect of me because I could feel how much it has played a part in my life in regards to this feeling of acquiescence and rebellion in the same space. I have felt a suffering in space between and all along it was his! I got how much suffering this poor being has been in. How much trauma he has witnessed and been a part of all in the name of supplying the ‘loosh’ for the entities that were in control of the Matrix itself as well as its AI creator.
It is this break away from The System that my reptilian is experiencing. This feeling of ‘what the fuck am I if I am not this’? Trying to piece together the ‘past’ and remember the Garden of Eden from whence he came. Yet, there is something he knows he wants to be a part of. He wants to be a part of putting an end to this once and for all. He wants to help expose and collapse the frequency that has his race in energetic and emotional chains and thus humanity’s. They are inextricably entwined.

This will be a process of moving from angst, to guilt, to forgiveness, to compassion. I feel his power as my power. His masculine as a part of mine. This awakening feels like it will help ambassador something in the collective as we begin to learn more and more of The System and what it has done to humanity and to its children especially. It is a process of seeing how we have always been a part of it in one way or another. Yet there needs to be a space for the process of awakening and of grief. It is personal and quantum and has the potential to change our world forever. But for now, it is all about giving him all the love that is needed to find out who he really is outside of Hell.

*****

Join Raphael and Jelelle Awen for the 5th group call in the Free To Be series titled Unplugging From The 4D AI Matrix this coming Wednesday, April 29th at 10AM PST or get the recording if you can’t make it live. Go to www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe for more info.

If you feel guided to connect with your Reptilian Self I recommend Jelelle’s Deepen series video and meditation on this topic here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA7ZjZj2K8M&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvLjwm17eBBTRhE3dbezYJdu&index=5

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

‘Free To Be’ Series Digestions & Reflections

By Deva Yasmin

I could sense that the ‘Free To Be series’ was going to be a huge portal for me and my parts, I knew I was being invited into BIG shifts if I was ready to jump in. Sometimes there is only a sense of something that draws or calls you in, a knowing, this is going to be HUGE. The topics of each week somehow felt like they were designed to support me through what was next, the Divine knowing what was coming even as me and my parts did not. I did not want to miss the opportunity of expansion that I know continuously comes through the SoulFullHeart process, or being in the circle of BIG Souls that it draws too.

Yesterday’s group call felt like a tipping point for me personally, as a whole way of being has fallen away in the short 4 weeks this series has been going: a job, relationships including the one with my beloved mate (the best I have ever known), and a home, all being released to make way for more resonance in my life. It has been an intense few weeks and as I land in my NEW timeline, I sense the digestion of these recent events in my personal life are going to take some time to be understood and felt.

There are so many parts having various reactions, feelings and responses to what has happened, so many paradoxes being held. A theme that has run throughout the series; how we can all hold so many polarities and feelings within us at the same time, despair & desire, resonance & dissonance, death & rebirth…

As these themes have been felt, it has become so much clearer to feel the parts in push/pull within, and noticing how dynamics on the outside have been there for a while, trying to reflect to me the inner dissonance. There is a pace to this work that although very gentle especially when navigating trauma, accelerates our growth edges too. A pace that can seem intense at times to parts of us, which feels connected to the accelerated times of Earth we all find ourselves in. As more parts are felt, more clarity arises. As more is healed and cleared, more space for feeling desire is opened, and this feels SO new for my parts, feeling their desires – What???? Really!!! Being felt in what they desire, validated in their wants and needs through sessions, makes it very hard to stay in places that are no longer offering what they need in the same ways. This process can push up all that has gone unfelt as well, in order to maintain something that felt resonant for a time, or that held much resonance but is not transacting in all areas.

I was touched by the theme of dissonance/resonance in relationships, it felt so true for me that what I am moving towards is more resonance in relationships, in ALL areas. It was hard to track all that was offered, as my parts are so very much in the grief process of the breakdown of so much known and loved. I feel like I am now in a phase of needing to feel and digest why I have stayed in, be drawn to, and been in dissonance throughout my life.

This morning I felt in a deeper way my younger parts, Yazzy and Yasmin, how they are navigating the changes in our relationships. I could sense my Inner Mother coming in more to be felt too. I felt the dissonance between these parts, feeling how Yasmin my Inner Teenager does not trust my Inner Mother, feeling how she actually felt like the ‘Mother’ of Yazzy, my Inner Child, who needed to grow up quite early as a way of protection. To feel this dissonance within me is new ground for me, as I sense how much of that dissonance has been projected out onto my relationships, making it difficult to maintain resonance. I feel how I have actually been this dissonance, so how could I draw more resonance, even as parts of me have so wanted to.

It feels like certain dynamics in relationships keep these dynamics inside set in place with little space for other parts to be let in and met. It feels like this work offers such a solid, stable ground for parts to be felt and to move into the NEW, a process I could not have navigated this without. It feels like I have tried before, but without the integrity of feeling or the ability to draw on the gifts of these different parts of me to support me through the transition, it has been hard to move into the new.

I feel how my younger parts have been the ones holding so much responsibility that was never really theirs, trying to navigate and lead my life, work and relationships. I sense the growing connection with my Inner Mother. Feeling the disempowerment of not having her voice heard or validated will support me to let in NEW ways of being in relationship and drawing more resonance.

She feels like a key part actually, that will help Yazzy feel safe enough to let in all she actually desires. As I feel her tenderness and vulnerability around letting new relationships and timelines in, I feel her needing the maternal space-holding from within to feel safe. I feel the Inner Child and Teenager knowing the beauty they desire to let in, as they have the sensitivity to feel the vibrational frequencies of resonance that we have been longing for, it feels like. I feel how the pain of the old paradigm of being in relationships created the conditioning of accepting dissonance, staying in some kind of safety that breeds more of it rather than being taught ways to feel the INNER sanctuary of safety that can be created through the SoulFullHeart process. This anchors parts, giving the solid foundation within to mature and thrive, helping them step towards resonance in a world that can make parts feel so ungrateful for wanting more or judged for being ‘too much’.

When really these parts have never been ‘too much’ or asked for too much, they have just always felt that resonance is our birthright, to be with others who feel us, see us, get us. We have until now lived in a world that has wanted to keep our capacity for dreaming, visioning and joy to a minimum, it feels like, in case we became too FREE. As I write this it feels so perfect, so Divinely orchestrated that the current SoulFullHeart series is called ‘Free To Be’ as that is where I find myself at the moment, free to be, whoever and whatever I so desire, and dare to dream into reality. It is interesting to feel how scared some parts can feel of so much freedom that at the same time they deeply long for… another paradox.

Through this process full of paradoxes, Life is becoming a rainbow, a light spectrum of possibilities, of new experiences and timelines available to us all of more resonance. No longer does life have to be lived through the black or white lens we have been so used to.

This NEW magical, multi-faceted, multi-dimensional way of life is the frequency of resonance I am now ready to draw and am drawing through this process of parts work. It brings such a new richness to feeling ALL experiences, even the most painful and challenging ones such as relationships ending.

You can still join the ‘Free To Be’ series and purchase the recordings of the groups call so far here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe

Much Love to you all in these times of navigating so much change and letting go.

Deva x

Deva Yasmin is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc