Tag: awakening

A Visit To Golden Earth: Golden Earth Tales Blog Series

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

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(This is part one of an ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)

Recently, a magical and deeply personal experience surprisingly opened out for me to be given a visit to the parallel dimension of Golden Earth. It has felt so magical, so alive, so meaningful, so personal, that I hesitated to share about it to allow for a time to savor and let in all that it was – and is – opening out in me.

The intent in sharing this is not to convince you that this dimension is real or that it is accessible, but rather to offer that it is, and to allow your own autonomy and truth to resonate or not. That resonance, or absence thereof, in my truth, is what will open this out for you, or not.

I’d like to begin though by sharing a key experience that led up to this event that felt deeply related. A week or so prior to the Golden Earth experience, I went down to the hammock on the sanctuary here and I could feel a need in me as I went there. I couldn’t put my finger on what the need was, but the signature feeling of a need arising in my field was unmistakable. I lay in the hammock for most of an hour hoping to access something deeper in a meditative space, but found myself blocked somehow. I couldn’t seem to find the juice to take me deeper into my own heart. My mind seemed to distract me at every turn. Strangely, in the frustration of that blocked feeling, and accepting it for what it was, something popped that took me into some of the deepest tears of a heart and soul movement that I have ever experienced.

I felt so achingly ‘done’ with the limitations of the mind’s domination and limitation of my life and reality. I felt so ready to enter new realms of experience having been in a decade long letting go phase of life as I knew it. This was true particularly in the last year and a half having exited a 30 year career and ‘exodusing’ Canada in favor of rural Mexico. The ache was at a deep level of even wanting to die ‘if this is all there is’ kind of feeling. ‘I don’t want to live any more at this level of consciousness, I can’t and I won’t’ was the further heart cry of this ache. Wave after wave of tears rolled through. I knew that it was a doorway into some kind of initiation, and I didn’t want to miss it, even if I didn’t quite know where to file it. It felt so visceral, that even attempting to write up a long account of it in my journal felt too mental and laborious. I’ve chronicled so many lesser things in detail, but strangely, I just felt to let this experience bake in my heart and see where it would take me. And take me somewhere, it did.

It was a week then following this ache rolling through that the Golden Earth experience occurred for me. I was again in the mid afternoon going to the hammock to rest for a bit. I gave myself to a pen and paper brainstorming exercise trying to come up with a handle for a new Twitter account, as I had recently changed my name from Wayne to Raphael. After an hour or so, I was left feeling a bit mental and dense, and hungry for something.

I casually decided to do a ‘doorway’ meditation that I had recently become familiar with as a tool to access the subconscious. The tool works simply by creative visualization and a generous helping of self-permission. One imagines in detail a door, on which is placed a symbol or words of your choice, then imagining your self walking through that door, and taking note of all the feeling tones, messages or guidance that comes up on the other side of that door. Given the dense feelings I was in, I actually prepared myself a bit for a mild or even no result at all.

I chose the words ‘Infinite Love’ as the words to place on my door, as this has been an awareness that was a recently expanding theme and longing arising in me. When I felt into what kind of door this should be, I settled onto a set of stately swing gates, made out of what appeared to be a wrought iron type construct, but was actually in my imagination, a glistening aura of wrought pearl, a two inch diameter variety. The word ‘Infinite’ was also wrought in pearl, in cursive on the one gate, with the word ‘Love’ on the other. River rock columns anchored the gates. A low-rise earthen berm completed the boundary and winged off into the distance on either side of the gates. A sense of invitation filled me as I took in the meadow beyond that began to replace my earlier mental preparation for a possible underwhelming experience. I could feel the energy was different on the other side and desire was rising in me.

As I approached the gates closer and took in their beauty, tears of homecoming welled up in me, with the feeling of my heart need that I felt earlier that afternoon now leading. I let the magical words and feelings of ‘Infinite Love’ move through me. ‘I am infinite love,’ I repeated slowly to myself several times, breathing deeply as I did. The sheer craftsmanship of the gates was kind of distracting from a technician’s point of view to the heart pull and invitation that they also held. I also felt there was no rush, and to take all the time I wanted to observe my surroundings.

I was so taken with the gates that it hadn’t yet occurred to me if I could just simply open the gates. Do I just go ahead and push on them or do I need to call someone? As I felt my desire to enter and, like magic, my energy and desire and readiness to enter simply opened the gates. I was reminded of the motor mechanisms and remote control devices on the entrances to housing complexes. Here though: no devices, no noise pollution to disturb the beauty and magic. My energy was the ‘key fob’ of entry.

When I walked through the gates, I immediately felt a shift in the heart porosity and density. My needs and desires and aches were all immediately heightened. I also felt an overwhelming sense of home. The contrast of the ache for home and finding it at the same time was disorienting. I had to ‘just breathe’ if I was going to be able to take in any more. Divine Father appeared just as I was feeling the need to be hosted on whatever this tour would be. I was grateful for such a trusted guide. As I stood in the now tree surrounded meadow (landscapes morph easily here I learned) with Divine Father patiently at my side, I could do nothing but weep at taking in the being at home feeling. A deer stepped out of the trees and came toward us. The deer easily telepathed that all I was feeling was landing in its heart. “I know…I know…welcome, welcome,” he said. He then welcomed my touch, which gave me a grounding point of contact and helped me shift gears to let in more.

A natural desire arose to explore, check things out, then a bit more overwhelming feelings of ‘where do I even begin?’ Divine Father suggested a coffee shop and that felt perfect. We were both effortlessly transported to an outdoor coffee shop nestled in amongst huge evergreen trees called, ‘The Golden Earth Café’. The wait staff was unlike any I had ever experienced before, totally connected and feeling. The coffee was also a completely new experience and taste, so rejuvenating. Divine Father seemed to be just giving me space to expansively feel myself as the center of things, fading in and out as I needed him. I couldn’t help but feel all my previous years, back in Canada, early in the mornings having a Tim Horton’s coffee shop of my choice all to myself as a sacred ritual space to begin my day.

About then, a friend came by and sat down. Back in my Tim Horton’s days, I would most often have felt his presence as an intrusion. Here and now though, we communicated so heartfully and again, that effortless quality that seemed to pervade everything so far. The conversation was the most profound conversation I’d ever had with another human being. There was a complete absence of any posturing and unworthiness on either of our parts that normally chokes the flow of relationship. No fears of rejection, or if they were present, they were too small to be picked up on my radar. I felt so completely nourished by the exchange, opened out even more and enlivened. This was exactly what I had longed for all of my life to find inside of male friendship. Here, it seemed to be just the norm. I wondered if I might come to take this for granted some day.

After we were done at the Café, a further desire to explore arose. Divine Father, reading my mind, as well as my past life enjoyments, offered we could take in some of the ‘city.’ Transport was again only a thought away and the city I learned is not set in stone or concrete as it were. Rather, the city just materializes in the moment in front of the purposes and needs that arise for it, and it makes no environmental footprint somewowhow. The architecture, the cityscape, the detail was anything but thrown together, but each building lovingly energized and appointed, part of a completely different ethos. I could do nothing but look and feel myself, as a part of this wow. Divine Father said this city was put together just for our afternoon leisure, and it was ‘constructed’ out of my need along with the mood I was in. It could be replicated if I needed it to be, but the tendency here was for settings to morph and change as often as we do.

I then reached my limit for what I could take in, and Father vibed that it was best not to push it, pace myself, and that I could come back ‘whenever.’ My return to the hammock back on the sanctuary wasn’t an issue because during the whole experience, I felt like I was both in Golden Earth and the hammock simultaneously. The shepherd and a flock of sheep on the sanctuary had came through at one point during the time at the Café and bridging between the two worlds felt like an easy and grounded part of the magic. This wasn’t an ‘out of body’ experience, not yet at least.

Attempting to summarize this experience only adds to the questions that surround it. I will however offer a few observations and questions.

Willingness to feel ones emerging despair and hunger for more feels key to accessing this parallel dimension. Maybe this is the point of the time we spend in the ‘time illusion’ of this 5-sense based made up ‘reality’ we call earth; fully basking in all that earth life has to offer and coming eventually to our deep longing for more, even to the point of being done with previously treasured aspects of the earth reality. It’s hard for me to imagine myself simply stumbling upon Golden Earth while still given to and happy with my previous lifestyle as a painting contractor. The frequencies of each are simply too far apart to bridge. None of us are done with anything till we are, and until we are; the appetite to take us to a new place just isn’t there.

In an infinite-love, infinite-possibility reality, wouldn’t this hunger-for-more be way more natural than camping forever in any kind of heightened attainment? It would seem that once and for all ‘full’ fulfillment is never actually attainable, but instead something more akin to our appetite for food or sex; a back and forth of satiation, digestion and hunger for more.

So what’s happening with your hunger for more as you read this? Is my story synchronistic for you in something related to your journey, or something you’ve asked the universe for? Is there a choice or action you feel as a next step in relation to this? I’d love to hear from you what it’s about, or support you in any way I can. You can reach me at soulfullhearts@gmail.com, or if you prefer, through the comment box on this blog.

Note: An audio with more on my visit to Golden Earth is here.

Raphael Awen is a co-founder of and teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. 

 

A Drip Line Of Non-Dual

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

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By Jelelle Awen

A couple of months ago during an intense initiatory phase, I asked my guides for a strong infusion of energy while I was in a meditative state. My primary guide Morgaine, who is a high priestess who lives in the parallel dimension of Avalon, provided me with surges and pulses of energy, which ran up and down my chakras and slithered along my spine. It was familiar and yet, also, powerful. I didn’t realize how altered I was until later in the day when I was planting seeds in my garden.

I felt relaxed and yet, also, I was struggling to track anything mentally. At one point, I ‘lost’ my sun hat, which I had placed in the garden somewhere. I had to go up and around the paths many times to find it. This struck me as funny since I designed this garden; I know every path like the back of my hand, and it is not big at all! Then, I misplaced other things as well and it became difficult to even concentrate on the act of putting seeds in the ground. I got distracted by the wonder of a seed: how it holds all of the DNA for the plant to create itself in all of its form. A seed is in hibernation, just waiting for soil, water, and sun to burst free of its dormant shape and arise into its potential. Much like human beings, actually.

I finally decided that I couldn’t ‘do’ gardening anymore and needed to head back home. It felt like it was going to be a long walk, with my altered state of consciousness, yet I also felt a bit giddy with how different things felt. On my way out of the garden, I kept getting distracted by the leaves on the trees. Every leaf seemed to flash its molecular structure at me, a glittery burst of its real essence. There seemed to be a shimmer to everything. I was reminded of how tiny a spectrum of what is actually going on can we see through the narrow bandwidth of visible light.

Although it is normally only about a ten minute walk, it felt like it took much longer to get home. I didn’t have many words to share with my mate Raphael about what I was experiencing, but he could feel I was altered. I didn’t want to try to explain it too much as it felt like it would dampen the experience if my mind tried to understand it. And I couldn’t seem to do that anyway! When I helped him to get lunch ready, I struggled to get my body to do what my mind wanted it to do. And I couldn’t do anything at my usually brisk pace, even in the kitchen. I kept getting distracted by the ‘truer’ essence of things that seemed to have no relationship to anything else as I would walk by them or go to use them. For many moments, I held an arising wonder of black plastic in my hands before being able to remember that it was a ‘spatula’. This ‘state’ continued on until in the late afternoon when finally I could write again and think somewhat normally.

I feel that this condition was, to some extent, what I call a ‘drip line of the non-dual.’ The non-dual being a state of consciousness (even though it is not a state) where there are no contrasts, no opposites, and only essence or Arising Isness. The seeds, the leaves, even a common kitchen utensil all took on magical qualities when experienced through the lens of no-thing-ness. Before we were trained to use our minds to dualistically label everything with names and filter reality through comparisons, it feels like this is how we could have naturally experienced life.

In SoulFullHeart, we feel that it isn’t about the supremacy of the non-dual over the dual or that the ultimate attainment of the non-dual is the goal. Rather, it is bringing them into balance again so that our experience of reality flows between the two in a beautiful stream of ebb and flow. Raphael feels that we are 100% of both and have just overly focused on the dualistic side. To bring our consciousness back into balance and awaken to our essence of Infinite Love, we feel that opening the drip line (which could turn into a gushing flow over time) to the non-dual is a critical aspect.

For me, the best way I have found to open up my non-dualistic nature is during meditative journeys called immrams and energy transfusions which transcend the mind, engage with our true nature as energy, and bypass our defenses and false self to some extent. I have also had drip line tastes of non-duality through a dualistic relationship with Kuan Yin, an ascended teacher. Through my connection with Kuan Yin, I am able to receive transmissions of non-duality even as it is coming through a dualistic channel. I don’t feel that one cancels out the other and both can be used to experience the other. In this embracement of both, we aren’t making one ‘bad’, which is actually a dualistic way to see it.

It seems that when we resist one side of our nature in order to embrace the other that we become in fundamental struggle with ourselves. This struggle locks down our access to Arising Isness because the false self feels that we need to be ‘enlightened’ or ‘attained’ or spend hours and hours in meditation in order to transcend our dualistic nature. Maybe some souls do need hours of meditation every day, yet, my sense is that our false selves have made all of this much harder and more ‘exclusive’ than it actually is. In my drip line state of arising wonder that day, it felt as natural and easy as breathing. Because my mind was loosened and relaxed, it couldn’t evaluate or compare what was going on. It just ‘was.’

I look forward to more drip-line experiences (with maybe some gushers in the future) and bringing my nature back into balance between the dual and non-dual. And I look forward to experiencing and facilitating students here at the school in this exploration for which I am hoping that we will discover even more naturally arising ways to experience our essence as Infinite Love in both dualistic and non-dualistic forms.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life

Fire Among The Ashes: A Mid-Life Awakening

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

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By Christopher Tydeman

I am typing this on New Year’s Eve 2014. A typical time for reflection. It is also a few weeks before my birthday. Those two events always elucidate a form of taking stock and evaluation. They just happen to be really close in proximity for me. A double dose in this case. I find that to be a blessing in the moment. It signifies something big for me. I know that time is just an illusion, but to a part of me it has much relevance as a marker or a yard stick. If I hold it with a larger context then this part of me doesn’t get mired in the content of what didn’t happen this year or what should happen in the following year of my life.

I was staring at a bed of coals from a campfire. The burning embers were glowing with their hot orange and red hue while surrounded by the dead gray ash of the previous flame. It was like looking at a pulsating heart in the middle of a dying body. As each moment passed the life of the fire became smaller and smaller until it would eventually merge with its lifeless surroundings. There was a message or a metaphor in that for me.

I am entering a new phase of my life. A completely new life to be honest. I am no longer a part of the old structure and conditioning I was used to for 43 years. I am in a foreign country with basic yet emerging language skills, a dwindling fiat currency supply, and, at present, no generation of future funds. This couldn’t be farther than what I was taught to believe was the “right” way to live life at this age. I “should” have a house. I “should” have a career. I “should” be planning for my retirement. As I sit from where I am, that just feels like the ashes surrounding the hot coals. The death that smothers the fire of passion, desire, and life itself.

Many would call this a mid-life crisis. I would prefer to call it a mid-life awakening. An opportunity to take back what was given to me by the Divine Itself. The power and choice to live a life of freedom, self-reliance, and joy. Not some fabricated, name-brand, “this is what makes everyone else happy” type of bullshit. But authentic, down to nature, human to human, self to self type of contact. Life is not an Easy Bake Oven for Christ’s sakes. But it’s not torture either. It’s a daily round of the ebb and flow of hard work and rest. Of desire and surrender. Of challenge and ease. Of getting to the guts of what really matters while eating a plate of home grown vegetables. Anything else is just corporate politics trying to sell you a life they convinced you was better than the one that God gave you.

I don’t have any clue what will happen this coming year. Hell, I don’t have a clue what will happen next month for that matter. Before my deconditioning, I could more or less guess what my life would be like one year to the next. Work would be the same. Daily routines would be the same. Even the unknown parts would be planned and then made known. My sustenance would be easy and never be in question. I would spend my “free” time trying to forget that I wasn’t free at all.

But now each day is an unknown adventure. I am helping to grow our own food by creating a rich soil foundation and utilizing limited space to produce an abundance of nutrition. I am learning Spanish by fumbling my way through understanding and speaking. I am beginning to make connections with others who live in a nearby community to help strengthen a bond of genuine respect and collaboration. I am continuing to delve deeper into my own being, both emotional and spiritual, through my daily relations with my SoulFullHeart family. As I type this, I realize how rich my life really is in comparison to what it was.

Interesting. So the less I know, the richer life becomes. The more I know, the duller. There is a wisdom here in Mexico that eludes the rest of industrial society. Life doesn’t happen later, it exists now. In the moment. Anything that happens has a solution, one way or another, at some point. It will get taken care of and life will continue while you enjoy your cerveza. People will take care of one another, even if they don’t know you. There is always something to share with each other, even if it is a smile and an “Hola”. I am honored and proud to be in Mexico in my next life journey. I don’t know what happens this coming year and I am okay with that. I am here now. I am enjoying this paradise I co-alchemized. I look forward to sharing it with others, to help them feel what it is that they truly want in their lives. For a moment to let go of all they have been trying to be and allow themselves to be just as they are . . . a fire among the ashes.

Christopher Tydeman is a SoulFullHeart facilitator. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.