Realigning With The Infinity Of Our Being

By  Raphael Awen

(You can listen to this blog post read out loud by Raphael here:

Infinite anything is really quite scary to parts of us.

What do you do with all the flour in the world? Yet, with a cup of flour, you can bake a yummy cake?

How do we enjoy or find pleasure in the infinite?

We are in our essence Divine expressions of infinity, or said another way, and possibly, yet even more profoundly and simply as well as scary, we are infinity.

I find parts of myself having been so conditioned in the measurable kind of exchange; where you get so much of this, for so much of that, to be feeling disoriented and even unhappy at times to be emerging more and more into this new world of infinite beingness.

It’s really strange though, because this infinite beingness is something I have wanted and prized even, having seen it though through the eyes of commodity and comparison. Then, when this new relationship with life begins to materialize as more and more as a default way of living, it definitely (de-‘finitely’) calls for some integration!

Yesterday, I went out to do a few hours of painting for our landlord, something I did as a career for over three decades. It was easy, peezy on one hand, all too familiar, humbling on the other hand to be ‘earning’ a fraction of what I usually once earned. I had this strange feeling of not really caring what I earned or didn’t earn, like it made no difference to me, which is of course very different to the me of yesteryear who liked to sit in a coffee shop early in the morning, adding up and prognosticating on a week’s profits.

The energy for all of that was so built in then, it just seemed to come out of the woodwork. I had to discipline myself to leave room for other things in my life, and not be a workaholic. Part of me was willing to be balanced, mainly because this part of me realized that I actually achieved more measurable and fulfilling results when I did so. It was all about the measurable quantities, whether of money or of joy, and everything in between.

So how does, particularly the masculine aspects of us transition from this relationship with the finite to the infinite? What would the joys and rewards look and feel like in a world immersed more and more in the infinite, in the ‘indefinite’, the undefined?

Do things like ‘results’ even come into play, and how do we relate to them when and if they do?

Love without boundary, love without measure, love without condition, all speak to this essence of who and what we ARE. We are this infinite being that chose to have a simulated experience with the finite. Here is where the divine is literally having this experience and learning through us.

We relate to this as an initiation, to be initiated out of the finite into the infinite. And that’s a really good word for it, because it is very initial, a beginning all over again. We stumble and fall before we ever walk, and the parts of us conditioned to results and professionalism and expertise can feel very frustrated in the transition, the trans-initiation.

We have to be willing to span two worlds, one that gave us much reward, where we were able to readily and even effortlessly marshall our energies in service of a goal and reward, to a world where results just emerge without our finite wrangling and dealing, where the result doesn’t bring the same assurances and pleasures in the ways that it once did.

It often feels like falling as this new world arises and the old one falls away. All our instincts are to restore balance, but balance isn’t what it once was.

What the equivalent of walking even looks like in the infinite world is difficult to measure or describe or to name the price for. All of measuring, description and costs per measure kind of realities don’t have traction here.

What does have traction here is a feeling. This feeling is a feeling of homecoming, of being Being. Of being reunited with the essence of where you started out from. Some big relief to all of the above described dilemma shows up in feeling awareness that the infinite expression of who and what you are actually PRECEDED the more immediately recalled experience of your time in the finite.

You are this big of a being to have dialed in this full range of being.

Now, we are in a place of being enabled to hold space for the parts of us in transition, to feel every frustration, every fear or anxiety that surely will and does arise in the process of trans-initiation. You were fully initialized into one world and now a whole new world calls for your initialization.

This is a particularly poignant feeling to be feeling of the day of the Lion’s Gate cosmic portal where the energetic alignment is in full support of transitions.

What gifts are parts of you longing to receive? What things are they longing to let go of?

If things like community, healing, and soul growth are on your wish list this cosmic Christmas, you may want to find a closer orbit with our soul family. One cool way to do that is to join us for our monthly group call, which happens this month to be later today. There’s still time to join in if you’d like to, or you can also receive the recording to take in when the finity of time allows.

You can find the joining details at

New souls coming into community is really one of the magical alignments of this new arising expression of the infinite for me. It’s just a portal to more curiosity and cure all around.

~ R ~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

The SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for community engagement, exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here: for a monthly subscription of $22.22 USD

The Magic Of In-Divi-Dual: Alive Daily Video Series | Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

The Magic of In-Divi-Dual

Today’s live is a look at the Individual – a ‘not dividable twoness’. Take a journey of reverence and wonder with me and invite your mind along. I explore my own awe and ongoing discoveries about the magic of you and me.

Here’s a link to the mentioned group call/Guided Meditation later today with Jelelle Awen and myself at 10am PST (Vancouver Time) – Digesting 2019 and preparing for 2020 – would love to have you join – $15 CAD love exchange.

Info about the free Intro call to sessions with myself:

Become a one-time or monthly donor and patron to support SoulFullHeart and our expression through videos, writings, and more!

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send us love in the form of money: 🙂

Loving Your Mind Into Higher Vibration

By Jelelle Awen


A to B to C….linear thinking is not the most easy or natural right now. Maybe you are finding this too as our mental capacities are expanded, awakened…you could even say ‘aroused’ by the HIGH electromagnetics coming in. Our minds want to expand to context, thinking beyond the now and tracking multidimensional realities at once. Our 3D minds CAN be limiting, but I don’t see them as a huge hindrance to our awakening or get into the vibe of chasing down the ‘monkey mind’ energy as other teachers/healers offer. There can be a real crusade energy, a battle energy against the mind that doesn’t feel like it serves the enlovenment process ultimately.

Our mental bodies just naturally vibrate higher too as the parts of us that use them to filter, to limit, to suppress feeling, to make reality logical and fit into the five sense box…as these 3D-based parts of us are negotiated with by our embodying higher self then our mental body vibrates higher too (just like with all our bodies – emotional, social, chakral/energetic, physical.) We’ve been conditioned in 3D to educate our minds, fill and saturate them right up with content, and in an overly masculine way in most cases that is focused on achievement, self image-based. Yet, that ALL shifts as awakening happens and the higher vibe feminine and the higher vibe masculine heal and integrate.

I feel that resisting our minds leads to headaches esp. and the codes/information/invitation coming in right now seem to want us to expand BEYOND and not judge our minds. Pain always equals resistance to LOVE on some level. These love light energies want to move us into multidimensional experience, connect with the non-dual nature of reality too. The punisher part inside can hugely judge our minds (using spiritual ‘truths’ and dogmas) rather than allow for the self loving investigation into WHY and HOW the mind has been used to not feel and not expand into deeper metaphysical realities. The why usually leads to a very tender process of more embracement of the higher mind and the feminine/right brain side of BEing. AND the mind can actually help with this exploration, which makes it even more nourishing and allows it to progress more quickly!

Even in this now, I can’t use my mind to figure out anything very logical or practical (as I served SoulFullHeart energy during a session this morning and am still ‘up there’ quite a ways), yet I can somehow put some decent thoughts together to share with you. My 5D self is communicating now, beyond the written word, with curves and swerves and multi layers of meaning that you take in the way and means you are meant to. I didn’t even KNOW what I was going to write about or that I would write about THIS, but there you go and here we are!

Love your mental body….invite it into inner exploration to discover how and why it is used and in what ways. You could even write a letter to your mind and see what you get back. My guess is that it is probably tired, wants to rest, and actually WANTS to expand more and help you with the ongoing ascension process. This is usually the case it seems once we stop resisting and start LOVING!

This is one of the areas of life we focus on during SoulFullHeart weekly sessions and we identify together the 3D, 4D, and 5D self and what your desires/frustrations are in this area of life (along with six others). More here in this article:

Photo was taken of the sunset codes the other night. Sharing here because sunset codes DEFINITELY go beyond the mind and because this information at sunset might be easier to take in with less body pains (resistances) and if negotiated with the mind.


Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond Visit for more information about a FREE intro session with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, group calls, videos, retreats, etc.

I Am Thee I Am


By Raphael Awen

Michael Guss sweetly asked the question below and I felt to feel into it and respond. Like all really good QUESTions, they move us on our quest!

Michael asked: “Something I never encountered yet explained – although referred to frequently – is a definition/explanation of the meaning of “I AM” and “I AM presence” etc. I just never saw it explained anywhere. I have an intuitive idea of the meaning and I’d love to get a bit more externally. Would you mind to give me a link or point me toward a source or even see it as an opportunity to educate/share through your own words/work? Many thanks.”

The first thing that comes to me is that there is only one ‘I am’. You are it and it is you.

While it’s true that we could say, that we ‘share’ in consciousness, it feels also accurate to say that all consciousness in its totality exists in us. We are a fractal reality, where the all is contained in each and every part. This is because we are not actually separate, but have just been afforded the growth illusion ground of having an adequately convincing experience of being separate.

I keep coming back to the meaning of the word ‘in-divi-dual’ which means something like ‘a two-ness that can’t be divided’ which is a mathematical paradox because 2 can be divided into one and one. This hints at the essence of our being which is pure essence AND pure experience at the same time. We get to have the experience of being separate, while not actually being separate. This feels like the great experiment that consciousness (which is love) wanted and needed to play with and for which we volunteered.

I am one and inseparable with you and yet I have boundaries with you. Both are true. We are in a two-ness that can’t be divided reality. I am unconditional love with all and yet, I am also conditional love with others in transaction ground with healthy boundaries where I can advocate for what I want and need and say ‘no’ to what I don’t want.

I get to be in the magic of duality and non-duality at the same time.

When Moses was confronted by a burning bush to go tell Pharaoh to release God’s people from captivity, he asked God whom he should claim had sent him and the voice answered “Tell him the ‘I Am’ hath sent thee”. This is the only authorization there is for all of consciousness AND experience, for duality and non-duality, our reason for BEing, our reason for bondage and liberty, for sorrow and joy, for wound and healing, the experiment of the ‘I am’ out seeking a way to know itself. We are the sent ones of the I am.

All is contained in love, and all is the I am, and nothing can ever be, or ever was, …separate.

Okay, let me pause there and allow space for others insights! What a cool subject, and one that we could keep intuiting on and on and on.

Thank you Michael for your question and I await yours and others input and insights…


Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. You can make a one time donation to SoulFullHeart at or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter:

Holding The Mind And The Self With Love And Reverance


By Raphael Awen

For many, the traditional idea of achieving a quietened mind state in order to meditate is an all-too-tall order. The idea that you need to achieve near total quietness of your mind in order to experience ‘non-experience’ sounds really cool to some who identify with that kind of attainment, and may even well be real enough for those who have gone there, but I’d like to offer you another way.

I’d like to offer you a way that works for me that involves a ton less effort and self-discipline (and what for many has devolved into self-punishment).

Let me back up for a moment though and speak to what I feel is at root of the ‘quiet the mind’ approach to meditation. Essentially, it is this idea that the mind is bad. But It’s more than an idea. It’s the feelings within the idea that give it power over us. It leaves us focused on achieving a mastery over a wayward part of us through effort, control and ultimately domination. Thankfully, we are collectively and personally coming to the end of the age of ‘domination over self’ kind of pictures, which aren’t kind at all.

With this firmly entrenched feeling-based reality that the self is bad, we are left in a desperate gasping for the return of the breath of our own goodness. We will stop at nothing to somehow reconnect with our own deep worth in self-love. The human being I believe was born of worth, functions on worth, and exists in worth. Our journey in being human is about coming to felt (feeling based) terms with this worth inside of our own being. Worth is meant to be felt and experienced. Without a feeling coloured experience of our worth, that worth is of no value to us.

So then, what we have perceived as the mind´s resistance to meditation is actually the mind’s resistance to being labeled as bad, and being outside of our core goodness somehow. Of course our mind isn’t going to put up with being crapped on like that.

So how then did we get the picture that opposing some aspect of ourselves would yield a deeply valuable and maintainable connection with ourselves? I’ll tell you (in my own ‘near as I can tell’ way) where we got that picture. We got it from the ocean that we’ve collectively been swimming in up till now, that the self is renegade to essential goodness. Good news for us, it turns out that what the self is actually renegade to is instead this very idea (along with all the deeply held associated feelings) that the self is bad.

So if the self isn’t bad, as we’ve been deeply and subconsciously programmed to see it and feel it as…., then what? ‘Then what’ is that the self is already good, and you and I aren’t sentenced to any self improvement picture, but the only kind of legit improvement that remains is about now seeing ourselves as utterly un-improvable.

How cool is that? It leaves you with something to improve upon, while at the same time with the impossibility of that.

Do you feel yourself at this moment beginning to surrender into a mind and heart expanded place? Your mind is plenty busy with the feeling and the what-ifs of all this that I´m offering you, and your heart of self love is beginning to open. Your feeling some relief from the sub-conscious self punishment picture that plays on the screen of your heart. I’m juicing you with the overflow from my own heart as I’ve had a head start in bathing myself in this new reality.

The picture above is one of those ‘pictures within pictures’ called ´stereoscopic´ pictures. See for a moment how long it takes your eyes to see the picture within this picture.

I offer the analogy of the stereoscopic pictures as a way to feel into a new vision of reality that is emerging for us collectively and that is available to you personally to tie into. There is a picture of reality that is forming within your current picture of reality. It isn’t the one you’ve known up till now based in the unworthiness of the self and all of the associated realities that go along with that. That picture is the only one you’ve been able to see up till now. You can now however see the new picture by looking into your current one and as you do, seeking to open your eyes to a new reality, your heart eyes expand and are enabled to see what you didn’t know was there up till now, but actually was as a deeper and truer layer of reality.

Try holding some of this new emerging feeling inside of yourself as you set out to meditate and see what now emerges in you without the need to dominate a wayward mind.

Feel into your own innate goodness amidst all of the so called mind chatter you hear going on.

For more, stay tuned to my FB feed and

Raphael Awen is co-creator, facilitator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. 

Premise 3: Going Beyond The Body-Mind Reality

By Raphael Awen


Welcome aboard day three of the SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises tour.

We only have two days sailing behind us and already it feels like so much more. Jump right in though if this is your first day, you can complete the circuit when and if you want to anytime.

A sightseeing tour is a really good analogy for what we’re doing together in these 21 days.

SoulFullHeart is a way of life and I’m offering 21 scenic tour vistas seen through each of our premises allowing you to essentially window shop to see if this truly warrants any more of your time, attention, or money.

There’s no charge to take this tour, but to actually enter and experience the territories we’ll be looking at each day will undoubtedly cost you. If your heart is truly hungry and ready, the cost will be something joyous, even as it is also sorrowful at times. But, it’s only at the point of buying something from someone that the real transaction or exchange occurs. Don’t mistake browsing for buying. Choice and transaction in this way with the resource of your choosing is no different than in the material world.

So here’s the third SoulFullHeart premise called the Nature Of Reality Premise:

“SoulFullHeart invites you to be open to a different picture than the body-mind reality, which is that everything is made up of energy; time/space/money are illusionary; everything is sourced from Infinite Love; and our innate nature is both dual and nondual.”

This premise if we are able to open it out together today will be nothing short of mind blowing.

Like setting out on a whale watching tour, there is no guarantee of actually seeing any whales and many days a whale watching tour must settle for being a ‘whale looking’ tour. I honour that what we see together will be a combined effort of what you and I choose to see, intend to see and are ready to see. It’s a co-created reality.

However, we have something big in our favour. We’re going to be looking at the idea of consciousness expansion today, and to do that, we’ll need an expanding consciousness just to get in the door. Consciousness itself likes being taken in and noticed. It’s like feeling the whales under the boat reluctant to surface until they can sense your reverence, respect, and awe, but when they do, watch the splendour unfold.

In this way, we draw this out together. I’m not responsible alone to put on any show. We do it together if there’s enough trust and desire between us, as well as resonance with what is. I feel part of me rest as I say that, and it felt both important to say as well as a portent of things to come in the rest of this tour together.

Now that we’ve got our seats, let’s dig in.

This premise begins with an invitation and that’s important because we are all grounded in a current way of seeing the world. The invitation is to look at another way of seeing the world, but of course, we can only do that through the lens we have. We can’t shatter this current lens in order to pop on a new one, and nor should we, we’d blow all of our circuits. It’s an invitation to see as much as you can and to then trust that what you were able to see was perfect, and that you were changed just by the act of truly looking. It’s an ongoing and never ending process because we actually live in an infinite reality picture.

Let’s talk now about the body-mind reality. ‘Body-mind’ is, in the way I’m referencing it today, a way of relating to life, that in turn ‘creates’ your world. Body-mind is seeing the world through the five sense reality only of sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound. ‘It’s real as long as I can sense it with the five senses’ is the powerful reality shaping mantra. Now, I know that isn’t your mantra or you wouldn’t be drawn here, but it is so deeply embedded in the world you were raised in, and the world you live in, every day, day in and day out. Body-mind reality has a powerful energetic pull that can be described as a gravitational pull that holds an order of things and an entire crystal clear cosmology out in front of you.

Money doesn’t grow on trees. It’s the results that count. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And on and on the sayings go. They form part of the outlying edges or borders of this perceived reality. If you are a more porous individual, you even add in some esoterics into the picture to make it bearable, but you have yet to actually ever escape the power of this matrix.

Body-mind in its essence is a wave form frequency of a specific bandwidth. As we are energy, as we’ll explore further today, we are totally susceptible to the frequencies we currently have dialed in on our receivers, and then we go on to rebroadcast those same frequencies contributing to the strength of the body-mind collective-consciousness reality. Now, to use another metaphor, it’s no longer us that is online doing the browsing, but rather the prevailing collective consciousness, or the computer itself that is doing the browsing. We are now essentially controlled around all the things that really matter with just enough free choice to keep the blinders in place. ‘Would you like fries with that?’ It’s now a false projected reality that we are co-creating because create is what we do. It’s what we are.

Everything around us is energy in motion, a frequency band manifesting as what we see and experience as matter. It isn’t real as we’ve understood five sense reality, and, at the same time, it is real on another plane, but it’s real reality can only be seen through a new lens that is the new plane.

Let’s look at money to help us grok this. Money isn’t real. It’s a thing we co-created collectively and is only real because of our agreement around it that we reinforce every day by our relationship and interaction with it. Money is actually nothing more than a means of exchanging value, or energy, or ultimately love. But it seems so crazy real! My focus on money, my need for money, my future money, my lack of money, and on and on. ‘I must secure the money, and then I will consider what other things I want in life’ is the energy that holds so many people. Money in this way is possibly the most powerful prison-forming matrix ‘thing’ that holds us in its clutches all of our days. And it’s nothing but energy!

Money is energy. I am energy. You are energy. Energy always flows. All the things you like and don’t like about your life are energy flows. The computer you are looking at and the chair you are sitting on are nothing more than energy manifesting in a specific form true as ever to the frequency they broadcast at.

Money as real from within the five sense reality is an illusionary reality. If you want to break the powerful hold money has upon your life, you must recognize that it isn’t money itself, but rather how you see money, or more accurately, the lens with which you are looking at money, specifically the body-mind.

Time is also another powerful illusion. The ‘realities’ of past, present, and future are held together by our collective body-mind reality-creating relationship to time. How cool would it be to flip the table here and instead see that time itself is the illusion and we get to use that illusion of time to our benefit. Healing anyone?

Space is another one. As energy, we are essentially living in a holographic projection that energy is creating giving us the magical illusion of space. It’s like going to the movies, except you ARE the movie.

If you’re like me, you are feeling really itchy about now. You can smell something big, but you can’t grasp as much of it as you want to. These are things to be lived into. The conditioned world doesn’t give way in a moment…..we instead live our way in a discovery process, that again, has no ending or destination, just like the Isness from where we come.

Here the saying ‘It’s not the destination that counts, but the journey’ needs to be revised to something like ‘ultimately, there is nothing but the journey, forget any destination other than simply being on the journey.’

This so resonates with us all, every last one of us, every last expression of energy ALL being God. Yes, including evil. It’s all Infinite Love out seeking to know itself in an infinitely unknowable reality.

All is Infinite Love expressing as infinite possibility, and nothing else matters.

Now, we see how we are both, like God, rooted in both duality and non-duality. We are playing with the duality in things like more or less money, things we prefer and don’t prefer, health is better than sickness, etc., all as a dance of Infinite Love energy that wants to come to know itself in all of its infinitely possible expressions.

When I feel all of this, my sense of the distance I’ve covered in my growth or my healing, though important to a part of me who still needs and relates to some form of measurement, gives way to the silliness of trying to measure anything in an infinite picture. 1/2 of infinity is still infinite.

And that is why I can resonate and be nourished with someone who is simply on the same path, regardless of their progress on the path. It’s sharing the same infinite path, me where all progress is immeasurable. The path affords us a processing and transactional ground for our relationship. Outside of the path, however, our frequencies have nothing but static. I can and do love the person not on my path, but I don’t attempt to transact very far with that person.

That’s already true for every relationship you and I currently have. It’s the resonant frequency band that literally holds it together.
Change the frequency and you change everything.

Okay, that’s enough for today, isn’t it? Talking about infinity can go on forever.

I want to close today by welcoming your inquiry into how The SoulFullHeart Way of Life healing process and I can serve your healing process. If you are a man, I would so love to be in an energy exchange with you providing we both resonate with each other. And if you are a woman, my beloved Jelelle would love to connect with you around beginning the process. Check out our sessions page for more info, and let’s simply get on Skype together to talk about it. Tell me what’s real for you.

I also welcome and deeply take to heart any donation you feel to give in support of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. You can find our donate button on our home page at Nothing gets my attention quite like an email from PayPal, saying ‘You’ve got money.’ 🙂

Until tomorrow and day 4, be well in your unfolding journey. And remember, there is nothing to count, there is only journey.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information. 

Becoming The Birdsong: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series


Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

Sunrise here at the Sanctuary in rural Mexico brings an orchestra of bird calls. It starts with the crooning of the rooster at the first hint of the new day and sometimes as early as four o’clock in the morning. The rooster says, “Get up! Get up! A new day! A new day!” This is the first time in my life that I have been woken up not by an alarm clock, but by an animal bred for this function. It is mostly wonderful.

The birdsong then escalates as dawn approaches, so many different kinds of chatters and trills that it seems impossible to identify them all. It is a flurry of noise and, while ‘silent’ from industrial sounds such as motors and engines, it is by no means quiet here at the Sanctuary in the early morning.

This is the time that I feel most open to meditation and connection to altered states of consciousness. I have learned to mostly ‘block out’ nature’s sounds and it becomes background music while my process takes center stage. More about the birdsong in a moment…

This morning, I am floating in “Ma Om….” mantra, seeing if my mind can let go and rest in longer stretches without actually thinking about something every few seconds. But, then it is my mind that is tracking if it can go without thinking! Sigh.

As I open to Ma Om, my two quartz crystals I am holding in my hands become burning hot with energy moving through me. Kuan Yin is more of a blur today, less solid, and more an energetic presence. I can feel Her energy but I am struggling to feel my love and adoration for Her this morning. Usually it flows through quite freely and sometimes I can even let in Her reciprocating love for me. Something is blocking my letting in capacity and I suspect it has to do with letting in love on my birthday a couple of days ago.

Then, I am suddenly engaged in an etheric conversation with Padma – who feels like a past life aspect of mine who lives(d) in India in the year 1930. Padma has been recognized as ‘born with strong Atman (internal Godhead) with a strong connection to Brahman-God.’ She tells me that she left her family at six years old to go with her Master, Nomanji, to live in his ashram and become a great yogi and saint. This is considered a great honor, but I feel her loneliness.

She is now 18 years old and can’t remember what it is like to be a ‘normal’ person. “All I do is meditate and sleep,” she tells me. I ask her if this makes her unhappy.

“If I think of what I am missing…if I think of myself as a self, then I can get sad. But, there is no ‘I’ there,” she responds.

I tell her that I want to help her feel her sadness. Immediately she admits to me that she would like to leave her Master, who is not cruel to her, but she does feel that she has outgrown him. She would like to start her own ashram and she says that there are those who want to be her devotees. I agree to support her emotional process (which she has suppressed and transcended) if she helps me with opening out my consciousness to transcendent frequencies and to liberate my mind more fully.

After we make an agreement, I feel her energy leave my presence and I am alone again with “Ma Om.” I feel more open in my heart chakra now that Padma’s sadness has moved out. This is when I become aware of the birdsong around me, which seems to have just increased suddenly in volume.

There is one particular bird that is singing at a length and volume that seems to penetrate my field.

Kuan Yin offers for me to, “Follow the birdsong,” so I do, turning my attention to it.

At first, I am just listening to the chatter back and forth of this bird and one of its kind in another tree. Then, I feel rumbles of energy move through me with each refrain from the birds. It feels like their song is inside of me. It is a jerky thing because I’m not sure if I like it at first.

Eventually I surrender to it and then I am in flight with every tweet, in motion with every twitter. It is a liberating sensation.

I try not to interpret if there is a message from the birdsong, even though I can feel how they are communicating one to me. I can feel how Kuan Yin is communicating to me through birds, which seem to be one of her favorite creatures to use as a communication medium. This is fortuitous since I happen to live on what is essentially a bird sanctuary, with some very rare and endangered species of birds here.

I just am the birdsong and I feel Kuan Yin’s encouragement. I am reminded of Her showing me a lotus and offering that it knew more about who and what it was because it didn’t know and was just arising isness. Becoming the birdsong offers the same kind of not knowing and being in isness.

The song tapers off at some point and my attention moves back to me and the start of my day here at the Sanctuary

For a few hours afterwards, as I am watering and tending to the gardens, I feel a lightness in my mind and a sense of suspended moments without mental tracking…..what I call, ‘loosened brain.’

And, I am more aware of the birdsong around me and its offering of communion, lightness, and freedom.

Jelelle Awen is a co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information . You can read her tweets here and become her friend or follow her on facebook.

You Have A Body, You Are Not Your Body: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series


By Jelelle Awen

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

I have taken a certain pride in being embodied and ‘grounded’ in my body. My weight has been at a healthy place for a few years now and regular physical activity is just part of my lifestyle living off-grid Shovelling, weeding, watering, cob building…it all lends itself to being in the body. I also experience great pleasure from making love with my mate Raphael, which is grounded in our bodies, connected in our hearts, and expanding more and more into our souls.

So, I haven’t been interested in being ‘out of the body’….until recently I have been. Well, what I am more interested in is a balance where I can be healthfully and vibrantly be in my body and also deepen my experience of out of body realities such as astral travel, Samadhi and other enlightened states, kundalini energies, etc. I do believe a balance can be made and that’s what it feels like some people are seeking through the Hatha yoga path.

Physical ailments usually accompany my major spiritual or emotional movements as toxicity moves out, as Kathleen also talks about in her blog. I take note when this happens because I rarely get sick and have never broken a bone or had any kind of major injury or illness. So, the physical issues I do have are small and move quickly, but they can often be connected to my process.

As I am meditating with Kuan Yin today, I am feeling a particular ailment in my body that is minor but still irritating me. As I start with the “Ma Om” mantra (described here), Kuan Yin can feel my attention and focus moving to my body.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologize. “I’m getting distracted by discomfort in my body.”

“You have a body. You are not your body,” is Her immediate response.

Ok, I take that in and let it be a kind of repeated mantra.

I have a body. I am not my body.

Eventually, I have to ask her to clarify what She means.

“Your mind thinks that you are your body. It thinks you are a body shell and it fuses to that reality. This is very limiting. You are not your body. And, you are not your mind either.”

“Then, what am I?”

She seems to light up then. “Now THAT is an interesting question. Also, interesting is the question: Who am I?”

“Yes, what and who am I, then?”

The image of a lotus flower blooms in front of me. I can feel immediately that She has sent it to me. I take its beauty in.

“This flower knows more of its essence than you do because it doesn’t know anything. It just is,” She replies.

I meditate on this and feel how right she is. I have spent over ten years in a pretty radical and intense self healing path that has led to the diving into the depths of my previously subconscious emotional and soul wounding. I have been asking the question, “Which part of me is feeling this?” in a dedicated way over the last decade. I have been through a series of subpersonalities over the years and through this incredibly effective process which allows for separation and objectivity from reactions through feeling them deeply, I have had more and more experience of the authentic expression of my being. What you can experience of your authentic being that is since it is very difficult to pinpoint as it isn’t related to a role or self image. But, I can feel how even what I have attached to as my ‘authentic self’ or ‘higher self’ still has a dualistic filter around it.

“I just am,” I respond, trying it on to see how it feels.

“It’s ok you do so much defining and sorting of yourself, J bird. You’ve needed to do it and it was good. You are in a new phase now where you want to dissolve the “I” more so you can experience reality without separation.”

I feel a slight wave of panic come over me at the thought of ‘dissolving’ myself, especially as I have spent so much work and energy to uncover my seemingly most authentic expression! My previous spiritual teacher used to say about the ego maturation process that happens through parts work and then the ego obliteration process that happens in sagehood practice is like having a Maserati sports car that you work very hard to get and then proceed to drive it off a cliff!

Kuan Yin feels this hesitation in me and a wave of compassion from her washes over me.

“Your mind resists this. Your body resists it too. Even your ‘authentic self’, as you say, resists it. But that’s OK because you still are what you are and aren’t what you aren’t,” She says, smiling.

“Buddha taught that it is our sense of ‘I’ and our sense of separation that causes suffering. I have healed a lot of my suffering through the path I’ve been on but I am still curious about deepening what I have experienced beyond the mind and beyond the body. And, I guess, even beyond the ‘I’.”

“Who is saying that?”

I reflect for a moment. I immediately want to go to my usual mode of scanning for a part of myself that might be speaking but I know that isn’t what she is looking for. Finally I settle for, “I don’t know.”

She nods and smiles at me. That feeling of not knowing who I am because I just am is a strange one and vibrates through me, loosening my mind and I can feel, jarring a little bit of my attachment to my body. A surge of energy moves from my crown chakra at the top of my head and down to the base of my spine and eventually out my root chakra.

Another lotus flower appears before me.

This time all I can do is laugh out loud, although I couldn’t have told you why.

And Kuan Yin laughs with me and says, “That’s better!”

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. You can read her tweets here and become her friend on facebook.

Letting In Love On Our Birthdays


Compassion flows the strongest from self love, not self sacrifice.

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

I am diligent, repeating my “Ma Om” mantra and touching parts of my body, imagining Kuan Yin merging with me. I particularly hover my hands over my seven chakras, which are whirling centers of energy in our etheric or subtle body. I grip a rose quartz in my hand as that is the stone that holds the energy of the Divine Mother to me.

I feel the warmth of Kuan Yin’s presence and her voice, bright in my head, saying, “Happy Birthday, Jilly Bird!”

I am a little surprised by her enthusiasm about my 44th birthday. “Is it happy? I mean, is it really anything?”

“It is a celebration of you! I celebrate you!” She enthuses at me.

“Birthdays are an illusion, aren’t they?” I ask, ever trying to be the good student.

“In the sense of….there is no time, yes. In the sense of……you being born and dying every arising moment rather than just being born in one moment, yes.”

“Yes, and in the sense of numbers of years on earth being meaningless to reflect true maturity.”

She smiles her soft smile at me.

“In previous years I have felt a young part of me, my inner child, become very excited about my birthday,” I say. “She would want to feel special and she wanted attention. This year, she feels content inside of me and, in some ways, like this day is the same as any other.”

“Birthdays offer a space to receive appreciation, recognition, and well wishes. You want these, don’t you?”

I don’t have to think about this for long. “Of course. Although sometimes it can be a struggle to let it in.”

“Yes, a struggle. This is what to feel today, Jelelle. On your birthday. To feel letting in love into your heart.”

At that moment, I feel a surge of warm energy in my fourth or heart chakra. It radiates out, like the sun, like a stone dropped into a pond rippling soft waves in all directions.

I feel the capacity to let in love expand with Her energy and Her encouragement.

I also feel how compassion has to start with myself before it can truly overflow to others. Letting the love and appreciation I receive on my birthday from those people most intimate with me creates an overflow that can then go to others. This is the true way that compassion flows the strongest……from self love, not self sacrifice.

I carry this feeling of letting in with me as I check my emails and my facebook account. I am brought to tears a few times by the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from others, especially those in our SoulFullHeart community.

And, I feel in this where my heart is more comfortable still giving out then letting in. Even after years of being in a marriage with a mate who showers me with affection and attention. Even after years of receiving gratitude from students who I serve and have served. Even after years of feeling connection with the Divine Mother and the exquisite sense of being loved by Her as a beloved daughter.

The process of letting in and receiving love is an ongoing one and I believe a much harder energy to inhabit than giving love. It is a wonderful practice though, on our birthdays or any other ‘normal’ day.


Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Going Beyond The Mind Not Against It: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

By Jelelle Awen


I start these processes without knowing where they will go or lead me; not knowing how they will unfold to offer consciousness expansion for myself; not knowing how they might serve spiritual and emotional consciousness awakening and expansion in others. I follow a desire and from there the form unfolds.

I was led recently by a desire to deepen experiences I have had (even though they aren’t ‘experiences’ in another way) of altered states of consciousness over the years but particularly in the last 18 months since moving to a remote, off-grid sanctuary in rural Mexico. I call these experiences a ‘dripline’ because while they are strong in the moment of happening, they move on eventually. They feel like a drip rather than a gush, so far. I trust this drip is what I and parts of me can let in right now.

As I describe in the first entry in this series, I have a relationship with Kuan Yin (a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher) that goes back several years to when I was awakened to Divine Feminine consciousness after becoming attuned in Reiki energy healing. The shamanistic healer and Reiki Master who attuned me also offered that I turn to Kuan Yin as my personal spirit guide and teacher. My immediate response to her suggestion was to burst into tears. Just the mention of Kuan Yin (who I wasn’t really familiar with at the time) brought up a huge surge of heart and soul longing.

Kuan Yin is both (at times) stern sounding but affectionate mother and penetrating spiritual teacher. I feel both comfort and discomfort around Her energy. She is both familiar and foreign; nurturing and, at the same time, without a form to wrap around. All these contradictions seem to work for Her though and my heart trusts and loves her deeply even if my mind can’t quite grasp Her. But, that’s the point actually.

This morning, during our meditation time together, She inspired me to share regularly about my experiences with Her during this time of surrogacy together and offer whatever message She would like to express through me. I have long ago embraced my soul purpose as Divine messenger and scribe; it is at times a very blessed thing to be and at times can draw misunderstanding and strong resistive projections from others (just as the Divine Mother Herself can.) I feel that we all have the capacity to connect with various forms and energies of the Divine Mother and receive Her messages. Billions of people already do in the form of what the world’s religions offer, such as worshipping Mother Mary, even if their religion can tend to filter the purity of Her heart and message. I describe the mantra and process I use to connect with Her in this blog entry.

So, I will share regularly. I wanted to say ‘daily’ but that doesn’t have much meaning in the moment as what is a day (or any measurement of time) but an illusion created by the mind? Kuan Yin would say so anyway.

As I repeated my “Ma Om” mantra while touching my body and feeling my love for Kuan Yin this morning, I noticed the crazy activity of my mind. How the thoughts and mental digestions seemed to ‘interrupt’ the process every few seconds! My mind wanted to process and package the whole experience before I’d even really had it. I would move my attention back to the mantra and, again, after a few seconds, would discover I had drifted again.

Kuan Yin was with me in this, seemed to feel my growing concern, and we began to dialogue about it.

“Busy mind, yes,” She said to me in her penetrating way.

“It is so busy! I try to still it with these mantras and it gets bored. It seems to rebel and want to gallop away like a wild horse,” I responded.

I do believe She chuckled then…laughing with me, not at me.

“Yes, like wild horse. But, why you go against it? What does it want?”

I felt and thought about this for a moment. “My mind says that mantras are too boring. It likes dialogue and conversation. Or to go on creative visualization and etheric journeys like we used to. When it is occupied in ‘helping’ with these things, then it can let in energies such as Kundalini or the Non-Dual.”

“So, why you not let it?”

“I didn’t think that was Ok?” I admit, feeling very much like a beginner in that moment.

“Who say it not OK? Who know what is right for you other than you? You’ve got a very imaginative mind, Jilly Bird. It is beautiful. Let it help you move beyond it.”

I contemplated this for a moment (and so did my mind) and we both felt this sense of goodness about that. Rather than trying to ‘tame’ my mind, I could flow with it. All of my most altered states had come through letting my mind help take me on an imaginative journey, as Kuan Yin said.

“And,” She continued, “Just what do you suppose is helping you talk with me right now?”

I could feel my mind get a bit puffed up, but that felt better than putting it down. “For the last ten years, my process has been about forming relationship with and creating negotiation…whether it was with parts of me or with the Divine or with my body. Forming relationship is a dualistic approach though…”

She cut me off with, “Calling something ‘a dualistic approach.’ These are just words. Other people’s words. You follow your own heart, as you have always done. As you teach others to do.”

“I offer a path that has worked for me and then, yes, support them to find their own heart and soul way along it.”

“So, same for you, J-Bird. Same for you.”

I was left with a primary message today that it isn’t about going against the mind but rather beyond it. Taking it with you as a helper, but journeying beyond it….where life can then fully take flight.

Jelelle Awen is a facilitator and co-creator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information.