Keeping Your Heart-on

By Raphael Awen

A question came up in a lively and vulnerable men’s discussion we were having about what the differences are about energizing love from the heart chakra as compared to the second chakra, and how one can dominate over the other. I offer my response and invite the wider input from our feminine counterparts here.

This is such a great question and part of an ongoing quest, and like all great quests, the question is never fully answered, inviting us deeper into its many aspects and layers. Any ‘answer’ I give to the question is really only one response, thus intended to hopefully open out more questions than provide any final answers. 🙂

What comes up for me is feeling how difficult it has been for men to come from both chakras at the same time. There’s a lot in that saying about how difficult it is for a man to maintain a ‘hardon’ and a ‘hearton’ at the same time. Men tend to come from one place at the expense of the other, and if they can come from both, they toggle between the two, going limp in one in order to enter the other. Being open and coming from both at the same time represents both a vulnerability and a power that much fewer men are comfortable with. 

What underlies this challenge is the differences between our heart chakra and our second chakra. One is the seat of our unity, our union with all things and with all life, with having it all; our heart, where nothing lacks or is missing. The other, our second chakra is the seat of our gender, which feels incomplete without the other half, and thus vulnerable to not finding the completion it wants and needs. Men’s first healthy initiations, if they were met with a healthy anchoring in the root/grounding chakra are then about awakening to their sexuality, power and creativity in the second chakra, discovering what makes them unique and desirable, their gender based expression and worth. 

More to the point of the question above is what are the differences of the love that flows from the heart chakra vs the love that flows from the second chakra, (if i’m grasping the intent of the question). I’d say that love that flows from the heart is rooted in an energy and recognition of the unconditional love that underlies and weaves through all of life and the universe. Heart love validates everything, even differences and even expressions of hatred speak to the inescapable interconnectedness of everything, bound together by love and oneness. The heart can containerize it all. 

Love that flows from the second chakra however is not ‘unconditional’ in the same way. It is conditioned on personal attraction. I’m either drawn or I’m not. ‘Lust’ in this way can come from the second chakra, as in a strong, overwhelming desire for someone or something, and it is based upon something deeply desired for whatever reasons, healthy or not. It’s very specific and dualistic. ‘I like this, I don’t like that’. 

With my mate, I want to be loved in both of these ways at the same time. One doesn’t cancel out the other. I want to know and feel that I’m valued as a human being, and as a soul regardless of who and what I am or are not. I want to feel my intrinsic worth outside of my performance or lack thereof. If that’s there, I can safely feel comfortable to feel and process more of my not-so-loved traits within the relationship to realize more of the growth that is the point of all relationships. 

I also want to be loved however for my unique characteristics, for who I am specifically and what I bring to the relationship, which is very much conditional. I want to feel like hot stuff. A mate who wants to be loved only unconditionally is asking for their mate to be more of a parent to them, which is understandable as we all have wounded inner children wanting and needing this kind of love. 

As I get to play with my desirability and my creativity and my power in relationship, this becomes a powerful mirror and arena for my growth. The vulnerable piece here is of course feeling the parts of us who don’t feel like they are enough, or worthy, or capable of being brightly attractive. 

The feeling of receiving this kind of love in a relationship, (and it could be a mateship, or a friendship), is about feeling my desirability reflected to me in the words, actions and energy of the other. That’s a dicey ground to be lured into of course as it not only promises deep potential reward, but also threatens the deepest rejection. I believe this is why we entered this ground of duality, of ‘this over that’. Ultimately, it’s about all differences being consumed in the overwhelm of love, but on our way to that ultimate reconciliation of love are a whole bunch of lessons and experiences and feelings that are the whole juicy point of duality. 

On the giving end of this conditional love, your mate wants to feel hit on. She wants to feel you are taken with her, that she alone is the passion of your heart, soul and body. Her and none other. If she’s done some of her work, she won’t be impressed however with any ‘dutiful roses’. She will only be watered by you really and truly being into her and smitten. When something less than that is true, in my experience, it has to do with not bringing all of my truth, especially if it’s about an irritation or something I, or a part of me doesn’t like. It feels truly amazing when you are in this zone of being abandoned to your want of your mate and she can lean and rest into that as well as open her heart and body. 🙂

Then to the last piece of your great question – about how coming from one chakra or the other can dominate over the other…

What better arena could there be to play with these needs and dualities. A dual begins with an attempt to dominate and ends with its resolution of that tension, returning to love. Both are needed. ‘Erectile dysfunction’ afflicts the heart and the penis, and is really about this unresolved and unloved dominance when you feel into it. Remaining in one and not embracing the other (transcending duality like most spirituality attempts to do) is to remain uninitiated, and immature in the truest sense, and just doesn’t feel fun to me. I don’t think it does to anyone really. It’s just been a hideout for our vulnerability. Romantic love offers possibly the greatest growth ground and crucible for our growth in this way and it has much to do with the vulnerability and the attempts to answer that vulnerability with dominance. 

All of this is of course also true within ourselves and the dynamic between our own inner feminine and inner masculine parts, even more true actually, as in the inner is the real origin of what’s playing on the outside and so going inward becomes the healthy choice to seek any resolve to the whole dilemma.

Thanks for the great question and thanks for taking in the lengthy, albeit a very much partial ‘answer’, which hopefully left the question more unanswered than answered. 🙂 

More feminine and masculine input welcome, (regardless of your gender…)

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Much Love,

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

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