Finding Your Place In The Fire

There is a violence that is bubbling from within the collective. Just like the collective fear that became evident at the beginning of this ‘pandemic’, the suppressed, unfelt, and unhealed violence continues to make its way to the surface. The reality is that it will continue to do so until we face our own violence. 

Yes, there are systemic problems that need some serious addressing. There is a widening gap between the privileged and the disenfranchised. Between cultures and genders. Between our personality and our humanity. There is a rising tension that the train is about to come off the rails. I have often wondered if it has needed to. 

With the level of managed tension and rage that lives underground, there has always been a sense of a Big One coming. Living in California for most of my life we were always told that the Great Earthquake was always a When, not an If. In the US, economic, racial, and political tensions feel to be accelerating. Goats are being scaped everywhere. The emotional body of a nation is in a pressure cooker being put into a fire by a compromised media. 

As this is being stoked and fueled, each individual is being affected and that adds to the energy of the collective dogpile. ‘They’ have found a way to keep the violence intact, and even when there are peaceful protests, there are provocateurs to make sure it all finds its way back to chaos. 

What action and power do each of us have in these times when it feels like it is all coming unglued? I think that is one you have to ask yourself. What feels like the most aligned with your purpose here? If it is to advocate and protest, then I say do so with all the Love you have to muster. That is possible. If it is to hold the space for the Kali phase of this death and rebirth then hold it with the might and compassion of your heart and soul. If you are to shine the Light of the New Earth then shine that Mother with all the power and glory that is within you without compromise. 

The collective needs us to keep feeling and healing our own violence and suppression. It needs us to get clear and focused without judgment on timing. If you are feeling deeply, shifting your timeline, and aligning yourself with Love and Purpose, you are making a difference. If you are able to really start loving yourself and overflowing to others, you are serving. If you are holding to your truth without judgement of others you are shifting consciousness. 

It may get bumpy and a bit scary, but if we hold the Light and turn that within we can make this transition with Grace. This is what we each came here to witness, experience, and help heal. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Suffering And Healing Of The Inner Teenager

Tomorrow in our next SoulFullHeart Free To Be group call, we will be diving into the Inner Teenager part of us that has a lot of wounding, BUT a ton of power and creativity. Right now the Inner Teenager may be coming out in a rebellious nature toward some of the ‘rules’ that are being implemented right now. There may also be a compliance as well. I know I had both in me in my teen years and struggled in the conflict between the two.

This conflict showed up as a desperate need to do well in school while being heavily into alcohol and smoking. I had a lot of mom/sister issues that showed up in my relationship to young women my age. It felt like an all-round hell zone for him in many ways. Trying like hell to fit in but not knowing which ‘in’ was really his.

As I feel him (his name is Chris, my birth name) from this vantage point, I can feel a soul that was winding down the 3D experience and struggling to reconcile that. Until of course he met Jill (aka Jelelle Awen) in college and the journey of self-discovery and authenticity began. It was a lot for him to let go of all that he thought he identified with (family, friends, relationships, conditioned ideas, etc).

He is very much into art and creativity and this too was a conflict as well with deep perfectionism that caused a lot of suffering. A battle between the masculine and feminine waged within. I feel him much more rested in with my inner teenage feminine and they seem to be in much more balance and harmony together.

In him there is a rebellion that just wants to go his own way without a fight. He doesn’t need to get angry anymore or judge others as this was always a judgement of himself. I feel a relief in him for no longer being in those days while still honoring all the process. There were lots of good times among the suffering. Those are what are now left in the memory banks when we look back.

Still much to heal around romance, intimacy, and sexuality but those are on their way with each passing day. Working with Chris in the early stages of my process was one of the most touching and healing parts of my journey. You don’t realize how much you are our teenager until you start to work with them.

If you are interested in connecting with and knowing more about your Inner Teenager, please join us for the next group call tomorrow at 10am PST. You can find out more info here:
soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 or purchase the link and soulfullheart.org/shop

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc. 

New Moon In Gemini: Releasing The Trauma Bond

What a new moon portal today! The last few days have been intense to say the least. I have become aware, through my deep dive sessions with Raphael, of a particular trauma bond that has existed inside of me between me and my sister even as I have not been in contact with her for over seven years.

My sister and I were born very close apart. When many people met us they thought we were twins at first glance. What I am realizing is that this twin recognition came from an energetic bond between us that I am learning has visitation and abduction trauma built in, as well as many lifetimes in one form of relation or another.

I have come to the realization that this bonded trauma created a pairing between us. A contract that we would forever be in each other’s life so that we would not feel the depths of the trauma. Well, I broke the physical contract years ago, but the etheric contract remained.

I was offered to connect to my sister’s higher self and let her know that I was no longer going to hold my end of the bond anymore as it is time for me to go into the galactic and soul wounding that had kept us in a bind. I have recognized how much of this has effected my relationships with women, as it served as a protection and a projection of wound and care-taking.

I have been so focused on healing the Mom wound that I finally found the more subtle sister layer that was out of my awareness due to the depth of the trauma that it was founded on. I am reaching the edges of my galactic wounding that has alluded me for most of this life until this came into view.

What came to me is that this may be true for many of us at this time. Not so specifically from brother to sister, but any bond between two people that has deep roots in trauma. This can be especially true for twin flames. The New Moon energies in Gemini feel to be highlighting this twin dynamic for those that are meant to see it right now.

The trauma bond is something that is hard to let go of as it has such a long history. I had deep tears that I couldn’t place many times today but I could get a sense that this trauma bond was leaving my field and it is almost like losing an essential part of your being that you didn’t really know was there!

The release and detox of this bond feels like a shedding of a skin. It can be a hard process, but when held in sacred space it feels like the most important part of our ascension. I can feel during this time how there is a collective trauma bond exhibited by the fear of this virus. As we clear our own inner trauma bonds, the less energy is added to the collective and thus helps to move the needle one more step toward Love.

I also feel how this will help me to let in sacred romance on a much deeper level that I have not previously been able to transact due to this energy in my being. Quite a remarkable ride the last couple of days. I hope that this provides some insight into your own relationships to see where there may be these contracts that may need a deeper release in order to bring in the Love that we ALL are here to experience.

Much love on this New Moon evening.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Tears And Cheers Of The Star Seed

Tender tears this morning. As I lay in bed after my early morning teaching gig, I felt a sadness in my field. A loss. A longing. I could feel my inner masculine trying to search for where this feeling may be coming from. I felt my mind toggling and gripping. There was a feeling of just wanting to let go of my mind, but what I heard was to let go of the judgement of the mind. It is the inner judgements and expectations of myself that have kept me in a more mental domain for a lot of my life.

As I turned the dial down on those, like a fade button on an image or an audio track, I got to FEEL what was underneath. “I miss my home. My family. The freedom to Be.” As I felt the energy of the words, I felt my inner orphan Auggie. I first felt him during my time away from SoulFullHeart. He is a very sensitive boy. He feels to be on the ‘spectrum’ using 3D terms. But to me he is my little astronaut. He is my connection to the stars as I always feel him in his space suit looking at the stars. Wondering. Curious. Contacting.

I just let him cry. Let him call out. Asking for help to feel okay again. To not feel alone anymore. So I held him. I cried with him. When the tears dried up, we wrote a letter to ‘them’. Whoever ‘they’ are. I feel a host of races that are reaching out to him. Reminding him of where he is from and of his exploring and curious nature. For this is their nature too. He asked them to come and visit him whenever they could, no matter how big or small. To let him know they still remember him.

I felt a warm embrace. A subtle energy that all is well. All in time. Neither he nor I are forsaken or forgotten. They just needed the invitation. Auggie offered that he could help them bridge to the people because they are scared and don’t understand. He could help them bridge to parts of me who feel the same. I saw us out in a field together. A wide open space looking out into wide open space. He had that look again. Of wonder. Of curiosity. Of exploring.

He felt more content. More surrendered. More trusting that we will all find our way back ‘home’ because in the end home is the feeling of being held here and now. The dial was turned another degree to the opening of the veil that has kept us feeling separate. Fear and doubt make up some of this veil and we will keep feeling and bridging to those parts of me that hold it up. But today we got to send a postcard of love and feel the immediate message back.

‘We love and miss you too. We are always here.’

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Healing Expressions Of The Rising Sacred Masculine, Pt. 1

An epic SoulFullHeart session with Raphael Awen this weekend. So much so, I will need to write this up in two parts. The first half was a revisiting of my inner masculine part named Marcus. Recently, I have been invited to partake more and more into reintegrating back into service by co-leading with Kalayna Solais a Saturday follow-up discussion group with those that attend the Wednesday Free-To-Be group calls. (For more info on the upcoming series go to soulfullheart.org/freetobe2)

This brought up some prior frequencies within my masculine to show up with some compensatory energy, meaning a little more energized and outbound due to some underlying feeling of inadequacies within him to be a leading edge part of this group. What came up for him was an image of a bull in a china shop. Like he is not sure how to be in a space when things get tender. My feminine is quite capable of holding that space, but Marcus, when he is ‘up’, can be a little more mental in those moments without letting the feeling just do the ‘talking’. 

He began to wonder, “What then is appropriate masculinity?”. That was a portal question to what feels like a grappling of the wounded masculine’s relationship to the feminine, as well as a reaction to what is referred to as ‘toxic masculinity’. There is this fine line of wanting to be in balance and honor with the feminine, express and claim his power and intuitions while avoiding this ‘toxic’ distinction. 

The first thing that was brought to him is that just this very question alone suggests his reverence for the feminine and the holding of the sacred space. It also mirrors a long-standing notion that the feminine is fragile. This was deeply ingrained in me from early on in my life as my mother was a very sensitive and emotional woman in the despair direction. This set up an unhealthy dynamic between her and my inner child that he had to make sure not to ‘hurt mom or else who knows what would happen to her’. 

Well, through much of my healing and experience with other powerful women, I recognized that this was a part of her wounded inner child tugging on my inner child. This ended up transmuting into recycled alcoholism and I eventually had to say no more. I had given all I could until it was clear I had to cut the cord of this dynamic. This has played out in multiple Metasoul timelines as well in regards to feelings of guilt and shame over how I had participated in the suppression and persecution of the women. 

Interesting that I find myself within a more feminine offering to explore and heal all of these wounds and beliefs that I have had around the Feminine itself and women in general. It inversely leads me to more of my own masculine expression as I connect with the relationship to my own feminine and how She is a portal into my sacred masculinity and my Love ambassadorship. But I have had to go here first. To my inner masculine and hash out these old dynamics and create a safe environment to let his masculine flourish like the wild stallion he is and wants to be. 

It felt appropriate to share this after Mother’s Day as a reminder that the relationship to Mom is an integral part of any man’s journey. It really needs to be brought into consciousness so that we can truly see and feel how we relate to Womankind and the Sacred Feminine. Thanks so much for taking this in and I hope that it shines some awareness and questions for your own journeys. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: The Awakening Of The Reptilian Self

This week there has been a big focus on the 4D Matrix and the awakening that is happening all over the world in regards to the lockdown and what it is exposing about the power structures in place. This is having an impact on the Inner Masculine as well as more awareness of our Reptilian aspects that are just as imprisoned in this matrix. Read the full Museletter here.

Featured this week is a piece from Gabriel Heartman. In it, he digests his own personal experience around the emergence and awakening of his own Reptilian Self and its impact on his healing and connection to the Inner Masculine:

It is this break away from The System that my reptilian is experiencing. This feeling of ‘what the fuck am I if I am not this’? Trying to piece together the ‘past’ and remember the Garden of Eden from whence he came. Yet, there is something he knows he wants to be a part of. He wants to be a part of putting an end to this once and for all. He wants to help expose and collapse the frequency that has his race in energetic and emotional chains and thus humanity’s. They are inextricably entwined.

The ‘Free To Be’ group call series continues this Wednesday, April 29th @ 10am PDT. It’s already week five! If you’ve missed the previous calls, you can offer a donation at any time and receive the recording and also the link to attend any of the future calls live if you can or want to.

During this week’s call we will focus on the bigger picture around the Reptilian entwinement with our human 3D reality and the need to unplug from the AI Matrix in the 4D as well during this time. The guided meditation will offer you connection with your Reptilian Self and other Star Family to help you unplug and move from captive to ambassador.

For more information about this series, visit soulfullheart.org/freetobe

There is a video by Gabriel Heartman sharing his reflections and digestions of being back as a facilitant and part of the support team. There is also a video of sample clips from the last Free To Be series with Raphael and Jelelle Awen to give you a sense of what those groups are like and the teachings that are included.

Also this week is the emergence of Monica Devi Bhakti as a new author on the blog and Collaborator with SoulFullHeart! There are many new articles and audio blogs this week from SoulFullHeart Facilitators/teachers, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, as well as SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and facilitants Gabriel Heartman and Deva Yasmin. There are energy updates, personal process digestions, and ways to look at and feel what is happening on the 3D, 4D, and 5D consciousness levels.

Check out our ‘Quotes of The Week’ section for some quote cards you can save and share! If you can, please do tag us whenever possible.

Raphael Awen and Kalayna Solais are available for 1:1 sessions to support you and your ongoing process. Raphael works with men and women and Kalayna works with women only. More info here: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Healing!

You can offer a donation to SoulFullHeart via PayPal here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

You can subscribe to our Museletters here: soulfullheart.org

Check out the latest Museletter here.

The Gift Of Humility And Gratitude

Yesterday was the first time I had been in a SoulFullHeart group space for a few months. While in one way it felt like yesterday, it was also a huge gap for parts of me that have been in deep feeling space and processing over that time. This is such evidence of how we live on many different dimensions at once and time is just does not have a standard trajectory, nor is real in many ways.

My movement with my masculine and reptilian self two days prior really felt to pave the way for this reunion. I could feel some nervousness and doubts from parts of me that I would be at that frequency to be able to vibe into the coherence. This of course is one big projection of my own lack of worth that I have been working on since I parted in January.

However, through the process that I had, I felt a clearing inside of me that ‘moulted’ away the layer that was holding this reaction and energy. I could feel myself more in the space as Gabriel, the being that really never left yet has come back with a new relationship to himself and the world around him. That difference, I noticed last night, was that of authentic humility and gratitude.

These two emotional grounds are the result of the self-love and deep, wounded ego healing that I went through while I was away. I could feel a reverence of the space, the beloveds in front of me, but more importantly the reverence and care for myself that had been cultivated during this time. I felt my parts being held by me and leaning into the goodness that was alive in the space. There was no self-judgement or comparison going on that seemed to run underground in the past.

I felt who I was and where I was in the ‘order’ of things and felt so very present to the goodness of that. Not trying to be anything I wasn’t. This is all that has ever been asked of me, yet I hadn’t asked of it from myself. This time I have and it felt palpably different. I have to owe all of that shift to parts work and my own dedication to it. Even if things were to shift at some point and I find myself on my own again, I have a me that can’t leave me. I would go through grief, for sure, but I would not perish or suffer.

It is with this humility and gratitude that I can ride the waves of what the universe bestows upon me whether it be as a collaborator, a support system, a facilitator, or all three! I know this is where I belong in whatever fashion. This is my family, my community, and my way of life. And for that it was all worth it.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Connecting With The You Who Can Feel You Reacting

By Raphael Awen

There’s you having a reaction with no one home to feel you having the reaction. You’ve simply become the reaction without awareness or consciousness of the reaction.

Then there’s you observing the you that’s having a reaction. Conscious awareness is being brought to the reaction. An aware you is showing up to take responsibility. That’s a big step ahead in growth for sure, but it’s also fraught with other reactions of a judgment and shame nature; an Inner Punisher showing up on the scene.

THEN, there’s a you who can feel and bring love and awareness to ALL of these states and phases of your consciousness evolution.

This higher self version of you can feel that you came here to have all of these stages, that you as well as your higher self needed this experience of both forgettance and remembrance. We chose a process of forgoing awareness as well as the entire process of returning to, and reigning in, full awareness.

Your reactions, along with your reactions to your reactivity, all the way to loving each and every one of them and especially the part of you having the experience is what you and I came here for.

Because we are both one and individual at the same time, whatever you figure out for yourself in awakening and remembering process is instantly downloaded into the one mind that we all share and made available more and more to those who are ready for and needing the download codes of what it is we are all growing into. This is where all purpose is sourced in. You get to play with whatever passion purpose expression you want to that is unique to you and part of the great remembering that we all share.

What are the big reactions that are moving through your life now?

Can you bring your awareness to them and feel any judgment reactions to the reactions?

Can you then show up with a curious and open heart to feel it all?

Would you be willing to get to intimately know and feel the parts of you that have lived your life as you up till now?

This is the new awakening in spirituality today. It’s no longer about becoming ‘higher frequency’ without getting to know the part of you pushing for the higher frequency attainment. It’s no longer about attainment, but is more about reverence for the entire process; the fusion stage of simply being your reactions; the stage of dawning awareness of your reactions; the stage of cascading reactions to your awareness of your reactions; and then all the way to revering it all as your sacred path and choice – and in that reverence, setting out to become intimate with it all.

I’m in it. You’re in it. We’re all in it.

If I can help you go into your next choice and awareness points, I’d like to invite you to consider a free intro session to the SoulFullHeart process. If you ask for the free intro session, myself or Gabriel Heartman will send you three simple questions to respond to and a short guided meditation to meet your Inner Protector to engage in, and then from there, we’ll set up a time to have the intro together for 30-45 minutes over Zoom. We’ll spend that time together and then from there, you can decide if you’d like to have regular sessions in ongoing process together.

How does that sound?

******

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

You Are Already Enlightened

By Raphael Awen

In a higher sense, you are already as enlightened as you’ll ever be.

The challenge we all face (as well as chose) is becoming aware and fluid with that enlightenment on an everyday level.

In other words, we chose the journey to enlightenment because we already had (and never lost) the destination.

If that’s true, then all the resistances that you and I face in our awakening journey are all sacred and even very necessary.

It’s quite apparent that deep in our soul source history, that as love, we became something like bored and lonely in being in a total bliss state, where there existed no duality, nothing to choose, and nothing and no other to relate with.

Love had it all and wanted more.

That may be the truest thing still true about you and I today. We had it all, we still do, and yet, we want more.

Doesn’t that start to explain our detours in our addictions, our journey in self-help, our hunger for God, our conflicting belief systems, as well as our yearnings for more healthy attachments?

In other words (again), like creative children, we made up the coolest game together. Can you imagine all the creative ideas flying around? “Let’s individuate okay? There’ll be male and female, galaxy upon galaxy, infinity (why not?!), all manner of BEings, better throw in duality and even evil, …what else, oh, we must forget the reality we came from, or the whole game falls apart, and then we can slowly awaken, feeling everything as we go, so then when we reach the destination, the one that we are now leaving, we will have changed it into something magically so much more. We won’t be bored or lonely anymore, and the rest, we’ll discover and make up as we go.”

I believe we all signed off on such a game. I believe this is what you and I are living in every day in this dimension we call life.

Everyone of us alive on Gaia at this time of population explosion wanted to be in on this moment. We thought nothing of camping overnight on a sidewalk to get first in line for this grand opening event that is culminating in this moment in this setting. A camp chair, a sleeping bag and a tent, a water bottle, and you’re good to go. The rest comes as it comes.

My wealth is not that I have it all. My wealth is in my neediness, that there are places in me that yet feel like they lost it all. I get to bridge to those aspects of my being. I get to bring every resistant, lost and traumatized part of my BEing, from this timeline and other lifetimes into this dawning love and light of day.

That’s where the magic is.

As for my need for purpose and engagement, I get to be about helping others who are seeking help make their similar journey of personal awakening, which is totally connected to the collective awakening.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Leaving The Prickly Nest For Love

By Raphael Awen

I’m learning what feels like a kindergartners lesson on one hand, and feels like the most advanced stuff I’ve ever heard on the other:

When I’m (a part of me) living in fear of someone, or something, or the government, I’ve given away my power to that someone, that something, that authority, and it feels scary because I’m seeing my own power turned on me. It’s a me to me internal war being projected out.

In these profoundly changing times, YOU are also profoundly changing. What’s worked in the past, socially, financially, what you can and can’t eat, isn’t working the same way. New workings are trying to get in the door as old ones are completing.

These upheavals to your well-being are not signs that you are lacking in any spiritual attainment, but rather an invitation into a new attainment and ground of being.

The universe knows you’re ready to fly, and so, like the mama eagle makes the nest prickly when it’s time to get her eaglets to attempt their first launch, so the universe and love itself is bringing new and surprising challenges, cause it’s getting very close to your time to fly.

You home is the skies and the nest! You are meant to be nestled in a love you haven’t known in a very long while.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.