Tag: subpersonalities

30 Days With My Parts: Day 2 – Vulnerability Is My Co-Pilot

Published on by Gabriel Heartman4 Comments

cflyer2

Day 2

I may do or say things that make you feel unsafe, but know that I will not lead you into harm. I will advocate for you, but also help you to heal from your past wounds. Being vulnerable is the way to do that. One uncomfortable, awkward step at a time.

Christopher: Good morning, Simon.

Simon: Morning, Christopher

C: You feel a bit blah this morning.

S: I was up again thinking last night. Still a little tired.

C: Yeah. I could tell. What was going on?

S: Just thinking about all the changes lately. So much happening at one time. Just trying to digest it all.

C: Yeah, I understand. However, the beauty of being a part of me is that you don’t have to digest anything that doesn’t have to do with you. The upcoming interview, my new parts, daily tasks, etc. I would really like for you to be able to let all that go.

S: I do too, Christopher. It is just so engrained in me. Has been since I was in middle school.

C: Would you like to elaborate?

S: Well now that this is public, I am a bit hesitant.

C: I understand. You don’t have to. I promised I would only share what you feel comfortable with.

S: I know. I appreciate that. Um….let me feel into it for a second.

C: Sure. Take your time.

S: Okay. I want to just let it roll out and if something doesn’t feel like I want to share we can omit that.

C: Fair enough. I like it.

S: I feel this need to view the whole forest at once stems from anxiety. Always on edge about wanting to do well in school and fretting about being attacked emotionally from the bullies at school. I feel this translating here. I feel this need to be a good SoulFullHeart student and stay alert to potential judgment and criticism.

C: I know that you had to hold a lot back then. I am sorry that had to be so. You did what you had to do to get what you needed. Acceptance and safety. Both meant love to you. I want you to know that I accept you for who you are, a student and a compassionate heart. I may do or say things that make you feel unsafe, but know that I will not lead you into harm. I will advocate for you, but also help you to heal from your past wounds. Being vulnerable is the way to do that. One uncomfortable, awkward step at a time.

S: I do feel that Christopher. I mean, as much as I can let in. The more I feel you leading, the more I know I rest. When you quit teaching, I could feel you holding me amidst all the others’ reactions. That was a big moment. I want to remember that feeling.

C: Thank you for acknowledging that Simon. I am so glad to hear you felt that way. I don’t feel I did very well after that but it was all part of the journey. We are learning together.

S: I know that I was a lot to handle after that, and neither of us was quite ready for what was to follow. But I feel you here now and I appreciate you checking in with me everyday. I still have the habit to take over and try to relieve my anxiety through other means other than feeling. That is why I need you.

C: Thank you, Simon. And I need you to keep me focused and organized. I am not so good at that. I feel pretty flighty sometimes and need you as my co-pilot to plot a course for me.

S: Co-pilot. I like the sound of that. Do I get to where that awesome outfit with the hat?

C: Hell yes! You would look handsome, Simon.

S: You think? Hmmm. Women do find pilots sexy, don’t they?

C: I guess so. I can feel the female part of me Angela saying, “oh, hell yes!”

S: Okay. Now this is where I feel a flinch. This whole exposing your female part to the world.

C: Tell me more.

S: It’s just not normal, Christopher. You are setting us apart from everyone. Making us stand out.

C: But we all have parts of the opposite gender, Simon. There are men who admit to having a “feminine side”.

S: Yeah. Two.

C: Simon. No more hyperbole. You know that is not true. I am just taking it a step further by expressing it and giving her a name. She is a part of me and I want to get to know her. I know that is weird in the moment, but I want to use this forum to make it not weird but natural. It is so imperative that men acknowledge and feel their feminine side. Their is too much patriarchal, bravado energy in the world. We as men must turn that around before we kill ourselves.

S: I am still stuck on you outing you have a female part. Sorry.

C: It’s okay. I got on a soap box.

S: Your not getting a sex change operation, are you?

C: Oh for crying out loud! Really?

S: Just checking.

C: We will take this one step at a time. I need to check in with Nathaniel as well to see how he feels about this. He was the one protecting her all this time.

S: Okay. I just need to trust you. All part of the leadership thing.

C: Yes it is. Thank you for feeling that. And thank you for your courage to be the first part to be outed in this blog!

S: Woohoo.

C: That didn’t sound convincing.

S: Hmmm.

C: I love you, Simon.

S: Yeah, I love you too. I think. ; )

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

30 Days With My Parts: Day 1- Parts Work As A Training Ground For Leadership

Published on by Gabriel Heartman3 Comments

cflyer2

Day 1

 I was invited by Jillian and Wayne to begin my own 30 day outing. In the next 30 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part. Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon. And Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part. Peter, my magical child, may find his way sometimes too! I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable.

This is all a big unknown, but one thing that is known is that it is me putting myself out into the world and that is scary as hell for some of my parts. This is a crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart.

You have the gifts, the power, and the love to be a sacred human. Each experience helps you to remember that. This is a process of uncovering, relearning, and remembering. Healing is the key. All experience is an opportunity to heal. Feel that daily and you have a gift that keeps on giving.

Christopher: Good morning, Mother.

Divine Mother: Blessed morning to you, my sweet Christopher

C: I get all goofy when you call me that.

DM: : ) That feels sweet. You have a beautiful heart, my dear. But in your tenderness don’t forget your spine, my courageous son.

C: Thanks, Mother. I do desire to feel more oomph in my body. More penetration.

DM: There is some healing with Nathaniel that will help with that. You have a warrior’s heart, my love. Not a soldier, but a warrior. Big difference.

C: I would love to feel that this lifetime.

DM: Keep on with your healing and it will come.

C: Okay. Patient persistence.

DM: Yes.

C: That helps with what I had been meaning to ask you about in regards to my next phase. There is a LOT that is going to happen daily for me as I draw a job and work with these new parts.

DM: It can feel overwhelming when you hold all of that once. Feels like Simon that does that. He may need some quick check-ins about the order of the day so he can rest.

C: Yeah. He really needs to have some idea of the day. Thank you for bringing that to me.

DM: Everything you experience, be it rest or tension, has a sacred purpose. You are arising, my dearest Christopher. You have the gifts, the power, and the love to be a sacred human. Each experience helps you to remember that. This is a process of uncovering, relearning, and remembering. Healing is the key. All experience is an opportunity to heal. Feel that daily and you have a gift that keeps on giving.

C: Wow. Thank you, Mother. I feel these words as so true and powerful, yet I seem to let go as quickly as I read them.

DM: You could write them down somewhere so you see them.

C: Yeah, I could. That feels like what I did during my positive affirmation phase. Blah!

DM: I feel them as words of wisdom not to be taken for granted.

C: I like that. That feels more grounded to me. Thank you.

DM: It is all really for Simon to see. You know all this stuff. He needs your help to bring him along. I feel desire in him. He just needs a leader.

C: Wow. Another wow. I never felt it that way. My parts work is the training ground for leadership. That reminds me of Wayne and Yeshua’s blog about leadership.

DM: Yes, indeed. And you posting your journal work with your parts is another act of leadership. You are helping others see what parts work can do for healing and transformation.

C: It feels vulnerable though.

 DM: True leadership requires vulnerability, Christopher.

 C: Gotta walk the walk if I plan on talking the talk.

 DM: Well said.

 C: Okay. I feel like using this as my first post would be a great springboard.

 DM: Be my guest. Your parts won’t feel like the first to be outed. I will clear the path and they will follow your heart.

 C: Thank you, Mother.

 DM: No, thank you, my love. Now, I believe you have a date with a special lady?

 C: Yes, I do. How do I look?

 DM: You may want to change out of your Pjs, though she may find that charming.

 C: Right. Good idea.

 DM: : )

Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

From Wounded to Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

innerchild

The term ‘inner child’ has been around for decades now and most people are familiar with the concept of getting to know the part or aspect of yourself that holds your childhood energy and emotional tones. Because of this familiarity in mainstream culture, people have been more understanding about when we mention that we feel the wounded child in them who, over time and with being felt by them and by us, heals to become frequencies of their magical child.

While the inner child can be suppressed in terms of establishing a….ah well, my magical inner child named Aurora says all this mental stuff is quite boring. She says that the inner children in people aren’t so brainy, logical or rational. They want to have fun! They want to explore! They want cookies! (well it depends on the magical child but this seems to be a universal thing.)

Let me ask Aurora if it’s OK if I share now for a bit and I’ll try not to be so mental about it.

She says, ‘fine’ and, ‘la la la’ and, ‘where’s koda (her dog) so I can pet him?’

Aurora offers me an important reminder though as I’m sitting here trying to think my way through writing an article about this part of ourselves. To not be so in our minds. To enjoy the moment. To truly let in the joy that things we love bring us, whether it is our partners, our pets, our kids, our favorite foods, or our favorite activities. They reconnect us with our innocent and pure essence that we had as children, which got covered over as we grew up by layers of strategy, emotional congestion, and unfelt trauma. They also hold soul expression and gifts as well, especially as they heal and start expressing more of their magical aspects. Some examples are ability to communicate with animals, deep respect and connection with the natural world, psychic capacities including ability to see auras, communication with spirit-based entities in a natural way, natural resonance with the non-dual aspect of reality, etc.

I first felt my inner child when I began a parts differentiation process almost ten years ago. I first found the tone of my “hurt part” through journaling sentence completions “I feel hurt whenever…” The voice and emotional tones of my hurt young part came through very clearly and she called herself Evie. She felt sweet to me but also very heavy and very, very sad. Lonely too. When I asked her to describe the world she lived in, she shared in amazingly accurate detail the bedroom I had when I was in fourth grade, including the canopy bed that I had loved and forgotten about as an adult.

Evie was “stuck” in my bedroom, feeling sad and lonely because my parents had gotten divorced during that time and she was still traumatized by it. Because she hadn’t been felt in a deeply empathetic and heart open way by my parents at that time, she represented the part of me that was still subconsciously wounded and stuck there. And this part of me was subconsciously playing out this pain, sadness, and loneliness in my relationships, especially my romantic ones. Once I became conscious of her through regular journaling dialogues with her, I felt her energy and sadness lighten up considerably. I shared this writing with my facilitators in a group circle and felt her relief and joy at being with a group of such “nice people.”

She also ‘dropped in’ during a few groups to talk directly with my facilitators. Dropping in is not like hypnosis, you are completely conscious and aware of what is happening. You just let this part of you that you have been getting to know through journaling talk to and be felt by other people. I’ve witnessed and facilitated this dropping in process many, many times over the years and I am amazed at how natural, organic, easy, and affective it is for people. And I love it when a serious-looking older man or woman drops into their inner child and becomes animated, young-feeling, and so sweet!

There’s much more I could write about the benefits of getting to know your magical child, yet I’ll let Aurora finish this article out, which seems appropriate.

“Hi! You know my name is Aurora, already. Jillian is right. When she started talking to a different version of me called Evie, I was a very, very sad girl. I felt lots of hurts and didn’t feel like, even though I liked it, that I would ever leave that bedroom. There were lots of barbies and stuffed animals to play with but I was too sad back then to play. But, Jillian is a good mom and we also have the big mom too (the Divine Mother), so I feel happy now almost all the time. Sometimes, especially if Jillian’s daemon Morgaine is around, I’ll go rest or go play somewhere for a while. But also I’ll come out when Jillian goes to the beach with Koda (my favorite thing to do!) or we’ll cook together or watch “Once Upon A Time” which has a evil queen in it but it also has a little boy in it who is also a magical child. I also like the movie, “Babe” very very much. So my life is really good and I have friends too now in the parts like me that Wayne and others have gotten to know. I think you’d like it too. There’s too much serious adult stuff going on and, lots of times, you adults aren’t doing a very good job of it. If you could feel your little boy or girl inside, you probably wouldn’t hurt each other anymore or be so greedy or work so much or be in yucky relationships or hurt children or kill animals.”

Thanks, Aurora, and I just wanted to add that this part of you is already expressing in your life and establishing a conscious connection with them is usually a fairly easy process that we facilitate through journaling dialogue and individual and group sessions. Much easier than getting to know the more strategic and image-based part that we call a persona part and protector-controller, whose job it is to hide, maneuver, and manage perceptions.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Getting Our Emotional Needs Met Through Parts Work

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

Inner-Child

From the moment we are born, we are being taught how to survive and get our basic needs meet. Our caregivers provide us (most of us in the western world anyway) with food, shelter, and the essentials to help us grow and thrive. They also offer us templates for how to deal with our emotional needs which, in most families, is about not having them at all. We are non-mental, purely emotional and energetic beings as babies, so our reactions to our environment are unfiltered and undefended. We scream when we are upset. We cry when we want something. We fuss when our emotional needs are not being met. We coo and smile when we are in joy. We quickly learn which of these reactions are met with approval and love by our caregivers and which are not. When we scream and cry, we might receive comforting but usually we receive more food and a diaper changing. When we are happy, we receive more attention and love to fortify this expression.

In my experience working with parts or subpersonalities of people and in myself for ten years, it is during even this early time that parts of us and our false self begin to form and the pure, undefended reactions of our authentic self start to be covered over. Parts of us form when we experience pain or trauma from this life or past lives that is undigested and becomes stuck in our subconscious at the time it happened. If our emotional needs could be met in those moments and our pain felt by a loving, heart open other person, the part becomes unstuck and the pain digested through.

This is the digestion process that the SoulFullHeart Way of Life offers us. Through identifying, getting to know through journaling, and having parts felt by a SFH facilitator during sessions, the parts in us that have subconsciously formed begin to heal and eventually integrate into the growing authentic self called the SFH self. The SFH self is who we were meant to be if we’d experienced that our emotional needs were met in every moment and our pain and traumas were able to be digested. The SFH self is the seed of our sacred humanity as a child of Divine parents and is able to hold the parts in a loving, supportive way that provides what we need to heal. The SFH self meets the needs of the parts in a healthy emotional way by feeling them rather than providing them with medications in the form of codependent relationships, substance abuse, and other means that the false self part of us uses to distract and numb our feelings.

Since we are not taught how to meet our own emotional needs nor did we receive a healthy emotionally healthy template from our families (to the degree that they didn’t receive one!), we have to learn this for ourselves though a reconditioning process where the emotional needs of all parts of us is primary to us. The process of healing with parts is ultimately a temporary one, necessary only because in this phase of human consciousness we have placed a priority on mental attainment, physical achievement, family security, codependent relationships, self image creation, superficial entertainment, and material possession. Until we embrace as a culture that our emotional health and healing is the primary way that we filter reality, we need processes such as SoulFullHeart to bring us back into our natural and healthy balance.

I feel the Divine Mother offering that this is an important step to healing ourselves, our planet, and our relationships with each other. There are other steps and paths, yet allowing for the reality of parts seems to bring a catalytic and lasting transformation to our species-long quest for answers, meaning, deeper purpose, and, most importantly, to finally getting our emotional needs met.

 Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and to find out about our new life assessment session offered over in person or over the phone.

Suffering From SPD (Single Personality Disorder)?

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

(Raphael’s note: I’m letting my inner teenage part express in this blog entry. His name is Marvin, and he seeks aliveness and meaning with others, especially around creative expression.)

“Hey Hon, do you wanna do that hike today?” she asked.

“ah…I don’t know….,” He said flatly.

“Or is today better to do that gardening? We got all the stuff for it?” She offered, looking at himfor connection.

“hmmm,” he toned back non-committally.

“Is there anything you’d like to do today, we haven’t had much time together for a while?”

He shrugged back with a facial grimace.

——  —–  —–

Have you ever been in a conversation that goes something like that? Sure, you have right? On both sides of the conversation probably.

But, have you ever been in a conversation where you or the person you are speaking with instead of being flat, replies to an offer with a thoughtful pause and says open-endedly, “Well,…. part of me does, ……and part of me doesn’t.”

Isn’t that way more refreshing, and honest? You can go somewhere with that response. It acknowledges that we all experience a push pull inside of ourselves.

—–  —–  —–

‘Single Personality Disorder (SPD):’ The resulting compounding stress in one’s life from the delusion that everything they think, say and feel comes from one personality source inside of them.

‘Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD):’ The stress of knowing and experiencing that you are more than one, but that there isn’t a healthy you at home who can hold, love, and reparent the various parts of you.

Seeing ourselves as made up of parts or subpersonalities, as it has been called, breathes so much relief. I can genuinely be drawn to something inside of myself and have a repulsion to it at the same time. I can like you and hate things about you at the same time. I can be majorly motivated towards something and lose the motivation in a heartbeat?

Part of me may definitely dislike the roller coaster effect of one part feeling something while another (or many others) feel something else. This is the part who seeks to appear “put together” to others who seem to be quite put together, while another part of me would so prefer to just check out from it all.

I’m curious, does that feel true for you too?

Soulfullheart offers a process where you can both get to know the various parts of you as well as be the kind and loving parent that your parts need to heal.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.