Choosing To Love Parts Of You

by Kalayna Colibri

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Bursts of energy and ease

bring in the day to a closer place within

while expressing it all

in ways sometimes unseen.

 

Pain of your being

aches and roars and tearing down walls

exploding through dimensions

of what you want to have no longer

and asking for what you’d rather be in…

all this I am in with you

as a merging aspect

of a soul that knows more than this

but brings it out to the same place

to dance and spiral and spin

until the rope lets go

and the other way of being with it all

comes to be lived in.

 

Days too of not knowing

WHY

why is it so comfortably uncomfortable

to feel your pain as mine?

Why take it as it is

instead of what it could be?

 

The process of finding each step

is led and held and loved

by those times when you know it all

and even more in those times

when you feel all and know nothing…

 

The clouds will pass

without the crippling grasp of misery

lasting longer than the storm.

And the flowers of new BEing

in new Love dimensions

afore misunderstood

and never undertaken

spring upward now

in this new timeless step

of ever-growing light-love colours.

 


 

Learn more about parts of you and feel into beginning your own deep process: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions  ❤

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

 

Life Changes Bring Chances To Feel What Needs To Heal

by Kalayna Colibri

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In these moments, on these days, there isn’t much to do but surrender to the tornado and trust that you WILL land somewhere soft and grassy… these times of upheaval actually press us upward AND onward, while encouraging us to go inward.

The preciousness of parts of you can be forgotten in the everyday shuffle and the ongoing dreamings of what you want to experience, be, have next. The emotional and spiritual pain and distrust that they hold can become buried, even in a life that is genuinely good. The gift of these ‘tornado times’ is that they can surface and be felt again, healed deeper, brought with you to that new place the Divine so wants to take you and IS taking you, even if you can’t feel the surrender or see the ground beneath your feet at the time…

This is the ongoing offer, invitation, love we are granted and flooded with. This is what is represented by intense weather patterns that do somehow shift around something inside of us and also reflect the storms inside of us.

As hard as it can be and often is in these moments of poignant and pure feeling, there is always a Divine hand being held out for us to grasp onto, that encourages the authentic YOU to hold a hand out for the parts that are struggling in their fears and suffering in their pain, seeing and feeling the worlds – their worlds – that are collapsing in so many ways, while they reach out for a ‘more’ that they need reminding is not only possible, but already here…

In this bittersweet time of movement… of upswing and downturn… we learn to shift the gears into place, taking all of our precious cargo of self and soul with us. Bringing it all to that ‘Promised Land’ within, that does want to take us to all that we most deeply want and work to feel worthy of. 

 

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 In SoulFullHeart, we are now offering a free 30min intro session where we will talk with you about the process in more detail and feel with you where we could go together. If you’re curious about that, you can visit our website for more information: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions and/or contact Gabriel Heartman or Raphael Awen to schedule one with one of them. 

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

An Invitation To A Beloved Part Of Me

by Kalayna Colibri

 

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Be that beacon of love…. for yourself. ~

Today I am in process with a part of me that I have worked with before, but not for a long time now. She has been resurfacing lately and today has been a big day for her. On a wave of love for her and for our process together, this is the writing that came out. It feels like it offers a bridge and a picture of what it’s like to reach into your heart to be with a part of you, no matter how unworthy of your love and attention that part may feel. ❤

Hello, you… you in my heart. You who have been hiding and waiting and feeling cautious about coming out. Yes, you! I have been feeling you. I have been feeling your reactions, your triggers, your need for more love. I have been feeling your self-assumed ‘wrong’-ness, ugliness, ‘hard-to-be-with’-ness. I feel that you’re scared, that you feel separate, that you feel abandoned. I feel it all as I feel your tears. Even though, as a part of me that I met long ago, I have felt you before… your reality has shifted since then. You have seen more, witnessed more, sponged more. Now you’re ready to come out again, showing me the same patterns of reactions you’ve always had, but now you’re ready to be felt more, to be honest about things maybe you weren’t honest about before, to ask for me to help you, be with you, love you up. It’s time now. It’s time to start coming up and out to sit next to me, to lean into me, to not feel you have to do it all alone as you’ve done before. You aren’t alone, you never were alone, and you will never really be alone either. It’s not your destiny if you and I can be together now without you BEING me. That’s really the only time you might be ‘alone’ – when you can’t let me in and let me be separate from you so I can hold you and be that best friend you ache for.

I feel you, sweet inner princess, with so many gifts and dreams and hopes. I feel the pain you’re feeling about wanting to just be these things again, to not feel the weight of life that you’ve taken on anymore. You’re ready to ask for me now, and for you, sweet one, that is a big step.

Welcome home, beloved part of me… together we’ll feel it all and together we’ll heal even more…

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Creating From Divine Inspiration Rather Than Depression

By Jelelle Awen

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As I participate in the creation of the home we are building for Sequoia out of cob (a combination of clay, subsoil, straw and water), as I witness this cabana birthing out of the ground from materials which come exclusively from the ground….I am reminded of the death and rebirth cycle. Creation always brings us closer to the edge of where things begin and eventually where they complete. Immersed as I am in this project right now, I know that some day it will be finished and no longer will it arise anew, responding to contributions of my alchemy, passion, and physical focus. I will have moved on to something else, a new creation will beckon me to make something out of nothing.

Our attention and creativity is meant to wrap around something with focus on the end product while holding reverence for the process. Then, we are able to detach and move on to the next. I find that the more access I have to the part of me or subpersonality that holds my creativity, the more I can navigate and inhabit whatever I am involved in from a place of investment and then detachment.

For many years, my creativity was high jacked by the part of me that holds depression. It seemed that I couldn’t write creatively or work on a creative art project without being in a state of sadness, angst, and melancholy. This depression part of me didn’t feel alive unless she was creating something and yet, she could only be creative by dredging up her pain and using her agony as the primary source of fuel. I stopped publically writing for a few years as I focused on feeling and healing this part of me through journaling with her and being felt by a parts facilitator. This part of me had a complicated relationship with my creativity. She felt that she needed to express this way as means to off gas her pain even though it didn’t actually get felt, only exploited. I believe that a lot of artistic and creative people have a depression part that relates to their creativity in this way which is why so many of them suffer from suicidal depression. Add in another part of us that needs validation and attention from others related to our creativity and it can be a recipe for suffering.

It took me some time to find my writer’s voice again, healed greatly from depression and suffering, and now coming from a new source of Divine inspiration. Creating from this place is about an overflow produced from connection with myself, parts of me, Raphael, others in our community, animals, nature. It comes from an overall sense of joy and goodness about my life. It comes from the feeling of loving and being loved. This love spring has gushed forth eight years worth of blog entries and five books. It turns out that connecting with Divine creative inspiration is also pretty productive.

If someone asked me about how to relate to their creative process, I would offer that we have to feel which part of us is ‘in charge’ of it. As I already mentioned, it can be a depression part which primarily holds it. Or, there can be a very strong identity or persona part related to our creativity with a self image-based claim of being an ‘artist’ or ‘writer’. Or it can be an inner, young child part of us that relates with it like a secret outlet kept hidden away from others because it feels too vulnerable to share. It can be suppressed by a protector or controller part of us to such an extent that we don’t feel like we are creative at all. If creativity is about connecting to Divine inspiration, then also we need to look at the part of us (which we call the Daemon or soul guardian) that opens up access to our soul consciousness and Divine connection. When in Divine thrall or communion, we feel that the act of creating and our creation is ultimately in service of the Divine and in surrender to It as well.

Whether it is building something or writing or painting or making banana bread, creativity can be an expression of our sacred humanity. It can be a glorious testament and honouring of that which transcends reality even as it paints off of the canvas of our ordinary lives. It can honor that which begins and that which inevitably reaches a completion. The Divine doesn’t require masterpieces; only honestly focused expressions of our authentic essence creatively dipping into the waters of Infinite Love in celebration of love and life.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and sessions.

 

Suffering From SPD (Single Personality Disorder)?

By Raphael Awen

(Raphael’s note: I’m letting my inner teenage part express in this blog entry. His name is Marvin, and he seeks aliveness and meaning with others, especially around creative expression.)

“Hey Hon, do you wanna do that hike today?” she asked.

“ah…I don’t know….,” He said flatly.

“Or is today better to do that gardening? We got all the stuff for it?” She offered, looking at himfor connection.

“hmmm,” he toned back non-committally.

“Is there anything you’d like to do today, we haven’t had much time together for a while?”

He shrugged back with a facial grimace.

——  —–  —–

Have you ever been in a conversation that goes something like that? Sure, you have right? On both sides of the conversation probably.

But, have you ever been in a conversation where you or the person you are speaking with instead of being flat, replies to an offer with a thoughtful pause and says open-endedly, “Well,…. part of me does, ……and part of me doesn’t.”

Isn’t that way more refreshing, and honest? You can go somewhere with that response. It acknowledges that we all experience a push pull inside of ourselves.

—–  —–  —–

‘Single Personality Disorder (SPD):’ The resulting compounding stress in one’s life from the delusion that everything they think, say and feel comes from one personality source inside of them.

‘Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD):’ The stress of knowing and experiencing that you are more than one, but that there isn’t a healthy you at home who can hold, love, and reparent the various parts of you.

Seeing ourselves as made up of parts or subpersonalities, as it has been called, breathes so much relief. I can genuinely be drawn to something inside of myself and have a repulsion to it at the same time. I can like you and hate things about you at the same time. I can be majorly motivated towards something and lose the motivation in a heartbeat?

Part of me may definitely dislike the roller coaster effect of one part feeling something while another (or many others) feel something else. This is the part who seeks to appear “put together” to others who seem to be quite put together, while another part of me would so prefer to just check out from it all.

I’m curious, does that feel true for you too?

Soulfullheart offers a process where you can both get to know the various parts of you as well as be the kind and loving parent that your parts need to heal.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.