By Raphael Awen
We only struggle with attachment to lesser things, because of our loss of familiarity with the greater things that we once knew, but struggle to remember.
Most of us have no conscious recall of those greater things, and those of us who do, must be patient with what feels like a very slow pace to a part of us who just wants to ‘fully remember already!’ Yet, the evidence is plain; only someone who’s suffered loss could attach to and treasure so intensely things that don’t really nourish.
Whether it’s a relationship with friend, mate, or family, or an attachment to a geography, or a house, or a career, we increasingly feel it as a stuck place that wants to relate without the intense attachment if we could only find a way to loosen up.
This kind of tight gripping that doesn’t allow much room for breathing, is further proof that we suffered some loss that polarized us to this over grasping in relationship.
Why can’t we relate with an open heart, willing to let come and willing to let go? Why can’t we long for things and be okay with them coming or not coming, with them coming sooner or later? Why do we need to have it now and why do we need to preserve it from loss or change at all costs?
As I was going about my day, one day this week, I was aware of a sadness in my field. As I lay down to rest and feel into it, I felt a distinct young part of me longing for return to something lost. Tears came from several parts of me inside wanting to open out past some internal barrier of forgetfulness, wanting to see and feel clearly just what is this loss. As I shared with Jelelle later, she offered to hold some space for this part of me, and I was quite surprised by what came next, as some of the deepest tears that I’ve ever known rolled out. I was taken back to my boyhood town and a knowledge that something magical occurred there with starbeing contact, that was then later closed down as I needed to enter a phase of going all into 3D life, Christianity, marriage and family life.
I was able to see again how my later life stages and roles of exemplary and motivated Christian, husband, father, and self employed contractor were all motivated by a subconscious seeking to return to a bliss that was lost. I was able to feel some subconscious motivation even affects all of my relationships to this very day.
This kind of remembering and the digestions that occur in these moments have been happening more and more for me as I awaken. This requires a willingness to feel and go into pain and sadness. The expectation that awakening should be ‘beyond suffering’ or just be bliss all the time is a deterrent to our actual awakening.
I believe all of us have this longing to return to bliss in one form or another, and even in several forms inside of us. As we garner the courage to get in touch with it and the strength to consciously hold such great longing and desire, it is in this ‘relationship with’ that we weren’t able to have before, where some magical strides occur for us in our growth.
We get to be here and we get to feel every feeling there is to feel. We get to feel every part of us holding trauma, whether something so stark as sexual abuse or something so off the radar as this loss of our source bliss from which we came.
Feeling is the tipping point. Feeling is the graduation point that harvests the purpose and intention of why we surrendered to our human experience, as well as why we surrendered to our perceived separation from the divine experience.
It is in feeling the sorrows where we find the direct portals back to our joy, and to our indescribable essence as infinite love.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.