By Raphael Awen
The thing we desire the most is also the thing we fear the most.
We want something that represents a feeling or assurance of some kind of more, but not too much more. We set our sights on attainable, reachable and manageable goals.
To shoot higher is to set ourselves up for failure, or even worse, to somehow attain that great and high thing, but then have to live with the fear of falling from such a greater height.
If all of our dreams somehow came true, how would we hold it together?
So we tend to settle for this half life of being in resistance with both our desires and our fears. They are both to blame and to be held accountable. Were it not for them, there wouldn’t be any tension. All that would be left would be bliss.
But to go and find some kind of life configuration that helps you kill both desire and fear, is to choose to not live, suicide in slow motion. Doesn’t most spiritual practices, paradigms, therapies and ways of life have at their core, this root of managing fears and desires?
Trouble is though that a human being is one of both desire and fear, and fears and desires are such great forces, that they can never really be managed. At best, they can be suppressed for a time only to emerge in your life with more strength than when you tried to disown them.
I am especially feeling this as we approach the new year, and feeling how feeling fears and desires opens us out to set an intention for the new year, seeing it for the portal that it offers us.
This is so different from the standard ‘New Years resolution’ energy, whereby you need to mount a self-discipline campaign, essentially suppressing the needs and desires of one part of you to allow another one to have its needs met. That’s about dominance, overcoming and suppression, one part of our being colonizing vast and beautiful territories of other parts of our being. The victor never feels at peace with the winnings because it doesn’t contain any peace. Possession requires constant vigilance to stay on top.
For the year to come, what can I feel within my desire body to receive as a shift in being, a shift in nourishment, a shift in getting deeper and truer needs met?
What fears can I feel inside of my heart space that are wanting to find transformation? What irritations and vibrations come up for me in whatever cycle or situations that they do? Why have I needed them up till now?
Could I truly embrace both of these fear and desire polarities within who at first seem to be holding each other at a standoff, but upon closer feeling and observation, I see that each holds the key to each other’s freedom?
I believe this is the deeper ground of truly setting an intention that has true power in it. It has power because it is able to surrender to both desire and fear, not because it overcame one at the expense of the other.
This feels like not only our great personal internal lesson of reconciliation with our divinity, but also like the great cosmic soul’s lesson before us as we watch the playouts of last year’s bifurcating events and narratives about the fears of death, carrying over into the new year at increasing levels of fear and polarization. Whether you’re afraid of the virus or it’s cure, it is the biggest monster in the room right now for so many, bringing up our personal fears within.
How could these heightened crazy times we find ourselves living in with many seemingly impossible situations be a turning point for you personally where your fears and desires are concerned?
This doula of death that showed up is here with consciousness’ permission and authority to help something transform that has wanted and needs to die and be reborn for a long time. Death isn’t ‘death’ as in an obliteration of energy. It’s always about change.
I’ve been quite taken with keeping up with news headlines a few times a day whether alternative or mainstream, for years now, seemingly scanning the horizon for evidence of this great death and rebirth, as if my personal fulfillment is dependent on the collective shifting, even while knowing the agenda in the news cycle. I’m feeling my being rising to a higher octave where the ‘news’ now needs to come from within, my own reports of what’s new from my own heart and soul domains.
I feel an intention brewing for the year to come of changing this relationship with the news, and it feels sooo inviting. Something deeply nourishing wants to replace what felt before felt nourishing, but no longer does.
What are you desiring for the year to come?
Jelelle Awen and I are releasing a daily video series beginning January 1st for the month offering daily short guided meditations and an overview of the SoulFullHeart way of life, and I’d love to have you join us if you feel drawn. It’s free to be a part of, but we’d love to receive your exchange with us in the form of donations for whatever ways it helps and assists you through where you are shifting and moving. You will find it on our YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/c/SoulFullHeartExperience
4 days from now we have our 12:12 Portal Transmission and Guided Meditation Group Call. I hope you can join us live at 5:00pm GMT/12:00 EST/9:00am EST on Sunday, December 12th and/or receive the recording by whatever donation you feel to give (usual is about $15 CAD) via soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen.
Much love to you on your sacred journey,
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.
Now Free: We are now offering for free our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/
Photo courtesy of Kunai Shinde: https://unsplash.com/photos/-f0YLss50Bs