When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I’m waiting for my real life to begin
from Waiting For My Real Life To Begin by Colin Hay
These words found there way to me through an interesting route that is so feminine in its nature. Seemingly random thoughts and exchanges that landed a song into my dock. I was feeling into what I wanted to write about today and this song hit a chord and I felt to play it and see what tune it sings.
For those that are in more 4D consciousness, whether just entered or are seasoned veterans (interesting choice of words), there can be this sense that something hasn´t quite shifted on the outside to reflect the growing awareness of what feels true on the inside. There can be this feeling of looking toward the horizon waiting for something to happen. In the song, he also uses the words `I have a plan` and `times are just lean`. There is an externalization, a projection onto life, that it is not on our side or we need to take control in someway to create a desired outcome that hasn`t arrived yet. That the passion and desire inside are conditional to some set of external circumstances that have to occur in order to be set free.
I remember this well in my own journey, feeling stuck in a `good career`. Trying to seek many different ways to make it all okay even as I was still `walking down the same ol` cobblestone streets`. What was needing to happen was what the song suggested and that was to be in the moment and go into your heart. Feel what was really trying to be felt and expressed. Nothing on the outside could make that any better. It was I that had to make the journey in and listen to my soul.
The waiting was just a suffering. A denial to really feel what was evidently true but a part of me was afraid to admit. A more wounded masculine need to control something in order to resist what was true. By going more still and surrendering to the feelings, I could allow these feelings to arise and be held in space created by a more solid me and the much needed support of another to hold that truth until I could do it on my own more regularly. Feeling the fears and resistances to claiming my own power from with. True empowerment. Not control.
Being in a more Yin space helps to feel how parts of us are so afraid of actually letting go of a conditioning or a relationship that is keeping us stuck and in state of suffering. There many that have done that for themselves and there are those, like myself, who needed support. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Leaning IN order to raise UP. Support and guidance comes in all forms. The key is to seek it so that you may help heal it. I can feel how this can be more difficult for men than for woman but that may be shifting as more men continue to find the value of going in and feeling all there is to feel to stop the waiting and start the living.
That is what I wanted. Tired of the mask. Tired of pretending. Tired of the waiting. Because there is no time than NOW. But I hold so much gratitude for that suffering because it brought me to a more authentic place of BEing and living. It made the alleged comfortable very uncomfortable, so that there were only two choices…and then really only one. Let go and Go IN.
Gabriel Heartman is a teacher, facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. You can learn more about him at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com