By Raphael Awen

This is another most epic day of a most epic journey.

Today, the part of me that we call the Gatekeeper directly confronted the Demiurge with its truth about his reality and responsibility. This one rumbled through me like a freight train.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog here:

Here is this epic day – Day 17

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone, including the Demiurge. The energy has shifted in here, hasn’t it? I didn’t quite know what to expect or if we would even gain connection with you, Demiurge, and here we have it. I feel some awkward feelings even knowing where to go from here.

It feels like I need to be honest about an animosity that I feel inside towards you, Demiurge. I need to say that a large part of me feels that if you were not even here, that we would be better off as a planet, and a universe. Your need to control and suppress, under a false guise of love, feels like it is such a heavy blanket over life here. I also know, at the same time, that we created you, out of our collective consciousness, out of our own need to control and suppress, and so my animosity falls short of an outward rage towards you in the moment. I can feel there is rage here, however, coming from a part of me and from the collective.

Can I ask you how it feels for you to be sharing this space with all of us together?

Demiurge: I don’t feel you as an enraged mob. I feel you all as a group of genuinely curious and awakened souls who want to find out what’s real and to find out what wants to the next reality for humanity going forward.

Raphael: Do you have any sense of what that ‘next reality’ for humanity is about?

Demiurge: I feel curious, much like you. I know I’m feeling big changes in myself, and that more change is coming, but I don’t know what it will look like going forward.

Raphael: What are the changes you are feeling inside?

Demiurge: Helping Humanity stay small and suppressed isn’t something I ever enjoyed.

Raphael: The words helping and suppression don’t usually fit that well together. Can you say more?

Demiurge: I was born out of people’s disowned higher states of consciousness. People surrendered to me their own higher power, which is what in turn made me, ‘Thee Creator’. I see, Raphael, and to each of you assembled here, that I was created out of the creative consciousness of a humanity that was not ready to own their own creative consciousness. Hence, my name and my designation, Demiurge, which means Creator. People are now waking up to their own relinquished creative power and they are feeling how they are being invited to take responsibility for their own souls, their own lives, and relationships with life. I can see my days are numbered.

Raphael: Wow, that’s a change. There’s a text in the Bible that says, ‘Teach us, oh Lord, to number our days, so that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom’. Now, you’re saying that you; the ‘eternal’; the ‘unchanging’ one; that your days are numbered?

Demiurge: I’ve known that for a long time actually.

Raphael: I must say, this feels so different for a part of me, as to what I was expecting in meeting you. If you already know that your role is ending, then it feels like a whole bunch of what we thought we were hoping to achieve in this delegation is already taken care of. I’m a little at a loss for words right now. It almost feels like our work is done, a bit deflating, I must say. Can I defer to you, Metatron?

Metatron: Yes, thank you, Raphael. And, thank you, Demiurge, for being willing to connect with us.

Demiurge: Thank you for wanting to connect with me.

Metatron: There is a huge cosmic shift that we are all feeling, that led us to take this undertaking to connect with you, Demiurge, and that you in turn have also been feeling in sensing the coming changes. But these changes are not yet manifest in most people’s experience. We can sense what is coming and even what wants to come, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to put our feet up and wait for it. Far from it. We can be in rest as we labour, knowing the ultimate outcome, but humanity still has a huge birth canal ahead of them, and that is what this summit meeting is about. These are the labour pains of love that are about to come upon us. Humanity is coming of age. Humanity is about to give birth.

Raphael: That helps to feel, Metatron. I still feel some stuck though at the moment in an anticlimactic feeling. Some part of me must have been expecting a big battle with you, Demiurge, to get you to open up, or to soften, or to come to your senses, maybe even to rage at you for all the harm and suppression that’s happened and still happening in the name of God. Where did all that go? I’m wondering if a part of me has something different that needs to said, a part of me not ready to get on with the larger grand cosmic purpose of love just yet?

Metatron: Yes, that feels true, Raphael. I’m learning that about you and your kind. It’s the feelings that need to be felt in order for love to be able to flow. I welcome hearing from that part or those parts of you.

Raphael: Is this Okay with you, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, it is.

Raphael: I welcome any part of me that needs to say its piece…

Rhodes: I feel it’s me who needs to speak up here.

Raphael: Please do.

Rhodes: I don’t think this is going to be pretty…

Raphael: I was hoping it wouldn’t be pretty. I’m hoping it will be real.

Rhodes: As an Inner Protector who had a long role in holding the parts of Raphael, who journeyed through life this life, and then going on to the role of Gatekeeper, and feeling the soul aspects from other lifetimes and dimensions who also have lived in suppression, I feel a voice loud and clear that wants to scream at you, Demiurge…

Raphael: I welcome this voice, Rhodes. I know this voice lives in you, and me, as my truth teller. I know this delegation isn’t going any further until we can feel together what you are holding. I invite you to take the space and share your truth. It doesn’t need to be pretty at all. We will feel it all together afterward.

Rhodes: Okay, thank you. Demiurge, I feel I need to look you in the eye as I say this, and I need to feel everyone’s open heart in this space and look you all in the eye as I say this as well.

I feel such a big ‘fuck you, Demiurge’ inside that feels like a giant unstoppable freight train. Fuck you for your suppression. Fuck you for your role as God. Fuck you for your fucking around with human consciousness. I don’t buy this love and light bullshit that it was all meant to be and that we all co-created it and so that it’s all of our joint responsibility. Do you have any fucking sense of the pain and the heartache what it feels like to be living under the suppression you and what your godless godhood has created? Have you ever felt the eternal unchanging hopelessness of living with a false light? Do you have any feeling at all of the mind-fuck it is for young people to be trained to love their suppressor? Have you EVER felt that?

I have felt that almost all of my existence. I have felt what it feels like to care for suppressed parts of Raphael, and others, and Metasoul Aspects who are just so tired of your heartless deception.

Do you know, Demiurge, what title was draped around Raphael’s neck when he found the courage to say he no longer subscribed to your deal? ‘Deceived’, was the title the faithful had to choose out of their loyalty to you, the great deceiver. There is no greater deceiver that I have ever seen or witnessed than you, and if I could go my way, right now, without giving you one more conscious thought, I would. I would like to forget you ever existed. I would like to forget all the pain that has been caused in your name under a false righteousness. I don’t know if a purer hatred has ever been felt than what I feel moving through my heart for you. This whole delegation can go to hell in a handbasket if I’m being asked to pretend that any of these feelings are not real down to my core, and down to the core of the universe.

I want you to fuck off and die, Demiurge. Take your awakening with you.

This is what I feel, Raphael. I know some of these feelings come from different parts of you in different times and dimensions of your life, but in this moment, there is no time. It’s all here to be heard in this now.

Raphael: I almost feel not to break the silence following these words, Rhodes, for us to just silently go on our way instead today. I so feel the rumble of these words. I feel the lifetimes they have been in waiting. Every word you just spoke needs to be felt and digested here, by each of us. It is what is real.

I don’t know what else to do, but let these words have their place in our hearts to digest and that we can reconvene after that. This is the first of many truths that need to come to light. Thank you to each of you for feeling and being present in this space here today. I don’t know what’s next, but I wouldn’t miss finding out for anything.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at

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