By Raphael Awen – Page 5 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Day 9, Part 1 of 2 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 16, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

(This is Day 9 (Part 1 of 2), of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Raphael: Another Day, People, or BEings. It’s not so easy coming up with one title for all of us, and we’re getting larger in numbers, too, as we go.

I know, you are soon to be introduced to Martin, as in Martin Luther, our Metasoul brother, from the 1500’s. Then, we got a taste of King Arthur, from Camelot, another Metasoul brother, who I had some very sweet feeling exchange with earlier today. There’s also Animalea, my feminine counterpart, who just might steal the show altogether.

It did feel a bit strange feeling how up till now, we were an all male team, so I’m glad Animalea got invited. I will leave it to her to share when she’s ready to, while extending a very warm welcome toward her.

Not that long ago, I was reading Carl Jung, who felt that all men have an inner feminine part, that he called ‘The Anima’, and that all women have a masculine part, that he called ‘The Animus’. I no sooner read that, and Animalea burst on the scene. She’s a big part of the reason that Jelelle and I work out so well, in a number of ways. Quite uninhibited, is how I’d put it, in the moment.

So, we have all that to look forward to. I’m feeling as we go, how all of this is part of the opening and access to meet with the Demiurge. We find the Demiurge inside of each of us, with each part of us, some in alignment, others in opposition. We also encounter the Demiurge with each of our Metasoul Aspects having their own distinct relationship with the Demiurge.

This is a forming delegation to meet with the Demiurge. I haven’t used that word ‘delegation’ yet, but that word carries the energy of what I’m feeling. A delegation is a body of individuals who are authorized to represent a larger body. In our case, we are downloading an implicit authority that exists in the Multiverse, is how I’d say it, that we have sufficient self-worth to claim and embody that authorization.

The larger body, that we seek to represent is the human race, and even beyond that, to any and all other beings that have felt an unresolved relationship with the Demiurge.

For most of these people, there is probably an anger at the suppression they feel and have felt coming from the Demiurge. I’m already feeling that key to gaining access with the Demiurge will be a willingness to feel our side of the co-creative responsibility for the Demiurge’s existence. By that, I mean, feeling how each of us used the Demiurge as a scapegoat to hold our own divinity until such a time as we were willing to hold it for ourselves. Being saddled with holding everyone’s disowned divinity would eventually make anyone an asshole, in my opinion.

The suppression coming from the Demiurge however, is not Okay. That is a central message of this delegation, that we will not negotiate in any way or stand for any longer. On the other side of the coin, we cannot expect that us telling the Demiurge that he is the embodiment of evil, that he is separated from love, and that he stinks basically, is going to move or shift anything.

What I’m feeling in all this is how we have some more homework to do, to get ourselves ready to carry out this delegation, this ambassadorship. A key piece that I feel deeply in my bones is that there is only one source of All There Is and that is thee All. The Demiurge is not the source of All, but he is contained within the All. This is the same thing I feel about myself and everyone of us. Each of us are hopelessly and inescapably contained by love, no matter how much of the dark we seek or need to embody in our awakening journey. I feel this as the restoration of all back to love.

This is why I am able to rise above the fear of attacks or repercussions from the Demiurge, in undertaking this assignment. He is only one aspect of love’s reflection and duality. What I do feel a healthy fear of though, is the idea that we are going to cleanse the world of evil in some epic spiritual battle, a ‘we/they’ kind of separation. This is a battle, but the battle exists inside of each of us first, and only then, gets its license to play out externally.

Our interface with the Demiurge will be one from the inside for each of us personally who are willing to make that bridge real, and then for each of us, the war inside simply comes to an end. As more and more of us choose this, and walk this out, the delegation spreads to more and more sovereign individual souls, and eventually, the reign of the Demiurge naturally fades and loses ground as is already happening. This delegation is something that has been a long time in coming and has been coming. We are simply riding a wave prepared for us. Let’s acknowledge that we are surfing a wave of heart and passion and ache that wants to manifest.

Each person who wishes to make this their reality will have to walk this out internally, and then follow suit externally. Each person will have to come to terms with their own disowned divinity, that they pawned off at the Demiurge’s Five And Dime chain depots that our planet became known for. To do that, and as they do that, each person will become fluent with their own Internal Punisher, their own disembodied opposite gender aspect, their own unacknowledged Metasoul Aspects to fully realize their own freedom and Heaven On Earth reality. The Demiurge without is a manifestation of the Demiurge within.

Ok, wow, so I had some things to say, I see. Thank you for letting me go off.

Andy: I like the surfing part, Raphael.

Raphael: Yesss, we could so use a beach for today, maybe this afternoon, Andy. You can get the boards waxed and find us a cute instructor. If there’s one thing the Demiurge doesn’t know and longs to know is how to actually have fun. Keep that in mind while we are formulating our plan of how to approach him.

I felt so much relief in the last Journal entry sharing the big piece how I finally said a profound ‘No’ to a faith, a completed marriage bond, that had become a bind, and an entire social world built around that. As I shared that piece again, with all your sweet attention and love, there was some more to feel from the intensity of the birth canal passage that was, that I couldn’t feel all of at the time. In this way, we are ‘re-membered’ with each part of our selves, as we are ready to. These parts of us need and want to be felt as we revisit our stories.

I feel expanded out just writing these words, catching up with, yet again, a new reality of a deeper embodiment of my own divinity, my own infinite largesse of being that life and love and the universe and the multiverse is holding space for me to feel. That’s a pretty grand self image, I know, and I apologize for none of it. It’s the same image I see and hold for every one of us. We’re all as great as anyone can imagine, and then infinitely more. It has a whole lot to do with the Demiurge that we haven’t been able to see and feel that for ourselves. Our religions and spiritualities and institutions and the cults of our cultures all speak of an intense opposition to all of this greatness. We, are, however, moving out of the phase of our consciousness where less was enough, and are moving now into the realization of The All, the true infinite more that we are, that no false humility can any longer suppress.

Only the truly great, can embody true humility. Only the truly selfish can embody any kind of the selfless. Only those who are the first partakers of love can have any to spare.

Okay, wow, sometimes, Metatron, It feels like I’m channeling you, without giving you the credit…

Metatron: And, how perfect is that?! We are one, and we are only separate and distinct while we need to be. It’s the best of both worlds. And don’t think I don’t get my fair share with you mimicking me, I so do. I want to be like you, when I grow up.

Raphael: Cool! What else would you like to say, Metatron? Where are we on the unfolding journey to the Demiurge?

Metatron: We need to be aware that we do have the Demiurge’s ear. He is aware of this delegation and is feeling our approach. Each person reading and feeling this journal, present and future, is expanding this delegation. The Demiurge, like our Higher Selves, doesn’t exist in 3D time constraints of past, present and future. And there’s no hiding in these higher dimensions either.

Raphael: Wow, the parts of me conditioned to 3D, don’t get that all the way, but they’re working on it. Thank god though that I have parts of me conditioned to this layer of reality, or I wouldn’t have been able to have this entire learning journey in 3D this far, and now expanding beyond.

I feel this peaceful centered feeling right now, with a whole bunch of possible directions that we could go in today, going outwards like spokes on a wheel, and the peaceful feeling is too good to lose by getting worked up about anything, even as in choosing a direction today. I may need your help, or maybe you weren’t done yet, Metatron?

~ end of part 1 ~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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Day 9, Part 2 of 2 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 14, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 9 (Part 2 of 2), of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Today’s episode tells the story of three separate encounters with Christian Pastors where I shared with them that ‘I no longer held Jesus as my personal saviour,’ which is of course tantamount to blasphemy to everything that is holy and sacred for a Christian. I wasn’t trying to be prickly. I needed to own my truth.

Thank you for tracking this series. We’re off to see the Demiurge, the Christian God, Yahweh, or Jehovah, to see and feel what we and he is ready to.

Here We go. Day 9, Part 2 of 2:

Metatron: I so can feel that peaceful Merkabah suspended out in space that we are having this meeting in at the moment. It’s like an instant retreat center, with infinite dial-a-setting options. Right now, I’m seeing those tall evergreens holding the space for you that day on the hiking trail when you chose to let go of every bit of your life that couldn’t make it through the bottleneck and portal of your own arising truth. I’m feeling you should keep on with your story, Raphael. It’s an incredible story. I even know it, and yet, I’m on the edge of my seat for you to share the rest of it.

Raphael: You’re all like the best audience imaginable.

Metatron: Why settle for anything less?

Raphael: My feelings exactly! If anyone has any guides that aren’t as sweet as you, I say, go looking for some new ones.

Metatron: Your story, Raphael, is forming the groundwork here. It is inviting people to feel the uniqueness and profoundness of their own story. You, or parts of you, rather, for so long, were not able to see the deeper uniqueness of your story. Other soul aspect parts of you, like Rhodes, could see it and get messages to you through the fog, including the Christian fog, the Demiurge fog, and the fog of 3D in the 21st century. Each stage was necessary and sacred, just like the present one. My sense is that as you continue to share your story, from your comfy seat here in the space Merkabah, it will unfold the pieces of grist we need to feel and see to face the Demiurge soon enough. He’s not quite ready yet for us either for that matter. And I’m feeling, as you mentioned, there’s Martin, Arthur and Animalea that want to be in on all this yet too. All that can unfold naturally as you share.

Raphael: Wow, Okay, let me see where this wants to go today. I’ll see if I can dial in all of the precious gift of your curiosity and allow that to alchemize a direction.

So, I believe we left off with me making this declaration to my world, and allowing both the unpredictable, and the predictable chain reactions begin to happen.

One of the first things to unfold was a routine contact by the Family Pastor from the church Mar-yam and I had been attending, after he heard news of our separation. I actually saw Pastor Frank in the early mornings from time to time as we both shared an extra early morning penchant for empty Tim Horton’s coffee shops. He called and asked if we could meet, and so we naturally chose the same coffee shop, where we had seen each other, but had never sat down together. It was easy speaking with him, being a kind and caring, softer, genuine man, well suited for his role in a large church. He was direct to reach out after hearing the news, and got right to the point, asking if there was anything he could do to help. Thank god, he spared himself from telling me that I was deceived and going to hell, as that was so not his deal. I got right to the point as well, feeling I needed to. I took in a deep breath and told him that I no longer held Jesus as my personal savior, in those words. He got it all, the short story and the longer story. He could feel my sovereignty speaking and simply acknowledged my choice, and we wrapped up the conversation amicably as he invited me to contact him further if the need arose.

Another similar meeting occurred a year or so later, this one by chance, in another Tim Horton’s coffee shop, with me stopping in mid day, where I bumped into ‘Pastor Nelson’. Mar-yam and I had been a part of his church for a time as well, decades earlier. We had become quite close, being in the leadership team of his church, and even going in together on a home building project when he was building two homes for his daughters and their husbands, as he was also a former contractor. Catching eyes with him in that moment, I knew he knew my story. News like that would travel in a matter of days and it had been over a year.

As we sat down and wobbled around some very uncomfortable small talk, I knew I needed to lead with my truth. I changed the subject, and said ‘Nelson’, deliberately not using the ‘Pastor’ title, as that had always annoyed parts of me how Pastors hid behind that, “The truth is, Nelson, I no longer hold Jesus as my personal saviour”. He scrunched up his face as if he had a demon spirit confronting him and said, “I’ll pray for you”. I get it, on one level, how big of a kick in the gut this would be for him, and yet, it took me everything I could muster to not tell him to keep his prayers to himself. Nelson could project a warm fatherlike energy, and that was part of what had drawn me to him, given my dad wounding this life. But he also was very protective about his true feelings when you got close to him, always focused on ‘building the kingdom’ or some other such rhetoric that covered an untouched burgeoning mountain of depression. He wasn’t interested in hearing another word of my story. I knew I needed to not sit another moment in that energy, so I wrapped up and left, a little annoyed, while at the same time feeling the gift in this synchronicity for me, to declare my truth, now a year out into this choice.

You get into Christianity by a public confession of your faith, eventually through a baptism focused church service. There is, however, no comparable exit strategy or ‘sacrament’ of observance should you choose to leave Christianity. I knew the universe and the true Divine was giving me the equivalent in its own way and time. A sacred service of declaration, acknowledging a death and rebirth.

I knew tons of people who’d left Christianity, but never heard of a single one making any kind of declaration they were no longer a Christian. Even though I didn’t have any conscious struggle with being outside Christianity, it must have been that other parts of me still needed these moments. When I say, parts of me, I can feel that was true for parts of me related to this life, as well as other lifetimes, in my Metasoul. I can feel a rumble in you, Martin, as well as in you, Arthur, as I share this, and I so welcome your feelings and thoughts as we go.

There was yet one more such incident that arose eight years or so after leaving Christianity, and this one involved the very Pastor who had baptized me some 33 years prior. This day, I was doing a small repair paint job in a country area, not far from where I used to live. Oddly enough, the few hour paint job I was working on was a call out by an insurance agent’s repair service to paint a wall and a door that had been cleaned up and repaired after a man had killed himself. I had to actually fill the bullet hole in the wall prior to painting the wall. Needless to say, I was feeling a bit surreal.

Luckily, I had my big blower fan with me so I could power dry everything and get my second coats on and be done with the erie assignment. Parts of me definitely found solace in the focus of my contracting work as the one outer thing that survived my big life changes. I noticed as I was leaving the job that day, a large enclosed swimming pool area, that had fallen into disuse, exactly like the ones small churches would borrow to host baptism services from time to time. I stood there seeing such a gathering for a moment. Baptism in Christianity is all about death and rebirth through identifying with Jesus’ death and resurrection, symbolized by immersion in water and arising from the water. Death and rebirth. Here, at this house was a big reminder of both, through someone’s literal taking of their own life, as well as this covered pool.

I was glad to know of an out of the way, small, but very quaint, country home-style cooking soup and sandwich place not far from there, where I felt to go to shake off the weird feelings of where I’d just been, as well as to linger a bit longer in the area that day, before making the hour and half drive back home, now living in North Vancouver. Being back in this old geography from my previous life was a big deja vu, that felt good to feel, to take a moment to let in who I was now, and who I was becoming. Surprise. The multiverse had one more piece that day.

The place was mostly empty and I chose an out of the way table after ordering a hearty soup and sandwich. As I was almost through a great lunch, who walks in, but Ron and Bernice, the founders of the chandelier swinging church where I’d been baptized, where Mar-yam and I had met, and were soon married by them. Ron and Bernice both had significant health challenges by this time in their seventies, but were always known as energizer bunnies, keeping on, keeping on, for Jesus, and the gospel.

Mar-yam and I’s first big mission trip overseas was with them, as graduates of their Bible School, to Hong Kong and then on to the Philippines, where they continued to serve in a missions and evangelism role associated with our church and a number of others. I finished my sandwich having gone undetected by them, but knew there was no way I was going to be able to exit without engaging as they sat right next to the door.

Instead, I worked up my nerve and walked directly to their table. “Marvin!”, Ron exclaims extending his hand, as Bernice is getting adjusted to the surprise. Ron soon asks in his usual upbeat evangelistic demeanor “So, where are you attending church these days?”, knowing full well my story. It’s not 20 seconds into the conversation and I’m again repeating the familiar line. “I no longer hold Jesus as my personal saviour,” I said slowly as I looked at them directly and openly, feeling decades of life and story fold into this moment.

Bernice surprised me for the first time in these kinds of conversations by asking, “Well, then, how do you see Jesus?” seeming even a bit curious. I gathered myself and said, “I still feel a deep connection with the divine and I see Jesus as a dear ascended teacher.” Now, Bernice’s curiosity dried up and she responded with an incredulous look on her face, “the divine?” Part of me could so feel what she was biting her lip from saying, ‘Sorry, pal, wrong answer! It’s ‘God’ you are talking about, and ‘Jesus as saviour and Lord’ or it’s to hell with you and all your kind’.

Rhodes: Could I interject here, Raphael?

Raphael: Go ahead, Rhodes, sounds like you already are…

Rhodes: I so wished we could have just told them in their nice Christian bullshit faces to fuck off.

Raphael: There wouldn’t have been anything wrong with that, Rhodes, except a part of me at the time had the upper hand of not wanting to appear to them any more demon possessed than they were already assured I was.

Rhodes: I get it, we had enough on our plate.

Raphael: Well, we can still send them a heart open ‘fuck you’, as long as we acknowledge that we love them and are them at the same time, as we are all one ultimately, even as we need others to differentiate from at the same time.

Rhodes: Fair enough. ‘Fuck you’, Jesus sellers! I needed you, and I must still need you, or I wouldn’t still be feeling some of this anger. Thank you, Raphael and solemn witnesses. I needed that.

Raphael: It so takes what it takes, Rhodes. I don’t want to deny the anger we feel with a spacious oneness picture. The shit pile they are selling is a shit pile, born out of deep self unworthiness and internal unfelt agony. Until parts of them are willing to feel and admit any of this, there can’t be any movement to real healing, or escape from the Demiurge’s reign.

So, that wrapped up that conversation that day in the quaint countryside, as I continued my reminisce on the longer commute home that afternoon, digesting one surreality on top of another. Funny, this would definitely have qualified as a ‘divine appointment’ testimony for a Wednesday night service, back in the day. I’m sure, Ron and Bernice shared their end of the story of bumping into me with several others in the days ahead.

I’m still able to dial in easily the internal feeling reality of what we sometimes as Christians called the ‘knowing that you know’ feeling; that the Christian reality really is thee reality, thee ‘absolute truth’, while feeling not a single conscious doubt of anything to the contrary.

Ron and Bernice were classic ‘lifers’ in this way, but so was I, until, surprisingly, I wasn’t. It was a few-year slow-motion surprise, but a surprise nonetheless to parts of me. I can feel too, several other lifetime trajectories of being an ‘all in’ Christian, as in the red letters of Jesus in the new testament, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life, no man cometh to the Father, but by me’ variety, and using that superiority to slam people with, and to hold my sense of self together. My parts and I needed to feel our own remorse for all this, each in our own way, and time, for participating in the harming, as well as being harmed.

But, I’d also say, Rhodes, that we were messengers to Ron and Bernice that day, humble servants of the divine, seeding to them a lifeline for when the Demiurge’s deal really falls apart even for amazing die hards like them. And the open-hearted, non-superiorizing ‘fuck you’ we just sent them etherically, we trust will be a part of love’s face-to-face no-bullshit reality as well, for whenever they are ready to be moved by it. They were actors in our life story, moving us into our next places and they had a final scene to wrap up a chapter, for this life that is. I see a great coming together where every last one of us from Hitler to St. Theresa will debrief the roles we played and the reasons why.

Metatron, can you tell me why it felt important to share all this stuff about renouncing the Christian Jesus?

Metatron: I could, but you so got this. I don’t want to steal your thunder.

Raphael: Okay, I’ll give it a go. It’s just that my head is spinning a bit, reliving all this. I’m sure, my head is needing the spin, or it wouldn’t be what life is giving me now.

What I was able to realize in all of this is that life was asking me not to just wander quietly out the back door, hat in hand, to a few people’s disappointment, but instead to claim an exit, just like how I entered on my own volition, steam, and claim. I needed to exit in the same way that I came in, by declaration and choice, and at a price as well. There were other lifetimes, that I can feel in my Metasoul, where I fell short of owning my own truth, and felt so much remorse and regret for letting myself wallow in the grip of the Demiurge system, and for where I allowed others to suffer where I could have opposed, or even possibly relieved their suffering. This life definitely had this backed up pressure to go all in, and then bake in the fog just enough to alchemize the ejector seat, and then pull the trigger, just as soon as I was ready. The ejection though wasn’t fully complete the day I decided to leave my marriage and the faith. It wasn’t complete, the day I told it to Mar-yam. It wasn’t complete the day I spoke it to any of the three pastors I just told you about. It’s not complete even today.

Maybe, it’s never complete, in any kind of final sense. None of us are home till every last one of us are home. Ron and Bernice are equally as important and loved by love itself, and necessary to love self-realizing itself, as me, or anyone reading this story. I know I needed the journey through Christianity, through the Demiurge’s all too real reality. I needed the struggle of leaving, and of owning my truth as it unfolded and I still do today. I need this struggle to return to face the Demiurge now. It’s not easy, but it feels so worth it.

Merlin: What’s the worth in it, Raphael?

Raphael: Somehow, I knew you were going to ask that, Merlin, wanting me to feel this a bit deeper, thank you.

Let me see what comes.

While there remains the tiniest bit of consciousness that is unawakened to loves fullest and widest domains, be it in a person, place, or thing, including the Demiurge, then there is a way that none of us get to fully be in love’s domain.

The worth I am in pursuit of is of my own self interest in the most truly selfish kind of way. This is the magic of love…the more you get for yourself, the more there is for everyone else.

This is what I couldn’t see and feel for so long this life until I could and this changes so much. This is what my Metasoul lineage has also been up against and is now awakening to. I feel Martin and Arthur awakening to this now, and that speaks of great things to come.

This is what opens out the relationality pieces that kept tripping me up this life. The days of pretense for God finally get to be let go of, really let go of. I get to know and feel heart open real relationships with other men. I get to know and appreciate and partake of feminine beauty in myself and around me too.

Yeah…

And beyond that, Merlin, I can only imagine what lies ahead in terms of the worth that awaits our experience and embrace.

Merlin: Sounds perfect to me, Raphael. I am so glad to be your unicorn, Raphael. Too many other people just don’t want to learn and grow and explore like you do, at least not yet.

Raphael: And I’m so glad to have a unicorn, let alone, you as a unicorn. I feel like I know the tiniest percent of you.

Merlin: And that’s the cool thing. Percent doesn’t apply anymore as in parts out of a hundred. Infinity has no measure, just feelings and experiences. I’m guessing we’re all about ready for the surfing lessons experience, and the cute instructors. My goodness, Animalea is warming things up in here. I’m just warning you all, I can’t be responsible for everything she might say or do, with beaches, sunsets, surf, and beauty.

Raphael: Yes, please, Merlin, take us away for now to all the beauty we can bear. Animalea will help us out a bunch with that. She always does. We’ll rest up and continue on soon. That was big today! Thank you all to all those dialed in, for your desire, your angst and your dreams. May they all come to the light of your love.

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Day 10 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 11, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 10 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

In Day Ten, I open out an exciting budding connection with Metasoul Brother, King Arthur of Camelot, into our journey at hand. Join with this growing posse of hearts as we form an ambassadorship delegation to meet with the Demiurge.

Thank you for tracking this series. We’re off to see the Demiurge, the Christian God, Yahweh, or Jehovah, to see and feel what we are ready to see and feel together…

Here is Day 10:
Raphael: Okay, ready to rumble, everyone? Let’s roll. I’m feeling like a rockstar! A star in my own universe!

I’ve had some bigger connections with Arthur yesterday, outside of our dialogue here in this Journal together. King Arthur is a beloved Metasoul Brother, and I have both been waiting patiently, as well as with some trepidation, for a deeper connection to arise between us. Well, it arose in a big way and he has agreed to share here, at my request. So, I feel, with no further ado, to ask you to share. Arthur?…

Arthur: Raphael, and also to this great company of hearts and soul. I thank each one of you for allowing me space on this journey with you. I feel so deeply, deeply, honored. I feel a little awkward, however, having the opportunity to share here prior to Animalea sharing. Raphael, you have referred to her, and to what was an all-male circle before she was acknowledged and invited in. This deeply stirred another awakening for me, that our round table in Camelot, as treasured as it was; one of the reasons it came to an end, was the absence of women in our circle. There was a way that each of us as men, were still afraid of our own inner feminine and this was reflected in our no-girls-allowed, boys-only club. So, I’d like to say that I will gladly be delivered my own nervousness of speaking here in this moment and instead be given to hearing from you, Animalea, if you would so relieve me?

Raphael: Animalea?

Animalea: Ahh, King Arthur, I am just settling into hearing from you, and my heart is stirred already by your words. I shall be more ready to share here once I have heard your heart speak.

Raphael: Looks like it’s back to you then, King Arthur.

Arthur: Okay, then, and yes, I shall look very forward to hearing from you also, Animalea.

This is what I felt through to share with you all today. I have been a King, though, recently, this came to mean almost nothing to me. It felt like more of a curse than a blessing. I found myself in great despair with Camelot in ruins and our round table circle of men, that is legendary in your timeline, is but a heartache in mine. Dispersed to the four winds and seemingly gone forever; until Raphael and Rhodes reached out and began bridging to me. Living with the remains of so much gained and then lost was more than my heart could bear. I closed myself down to my own multidimensionality, trying to minimize my pain, so it took some doing to bring me to this place of being able to be here with you all.

Raphael’s story this life and choice points of actually leaving Christianity, after being so fully in it, is what I was not able to inhabit. This was also a big part of the downfall of Camelot, and my very much beloved circle of brave hearted men. I was always plagued with having one foot in Christianity, and the other foot out of it at the same time. Raphael has helped me to heal my own judgment of myself for allowing this to persist. Hearing Raphael’s story, being taken in so deeply here in this circle, has penetrated my aching and sleeping heart, and renewed a dream in me that lies yet unfulfilled.

Feeling Raphael’s heart, I can feel what might be described as a radar technology that still lives in this circle, that could never be destroyed, that yet connects us, and even invites us out of our despair, as it has me so recently. I honour your preservation and desire of these bonds, Raphael, and acknowledge what you described with your former friend, Rene, as well as with your sacred friendship with Gabriel in your present timeline. I also honor, Raphael, your sacred journey with Mar-yam, as it holds so much reflection and digestion of my relationship with Guinevere. As Raphael and I discussed, something needed to die in order for something larger to be reborn. That something larger is a greater mystery than the former one, and I feel like I still haven’t solved the former one, but I shall be happy now to continue the quest. Everything in its time feels like good medicine for the moment. It just feels so good to have this connection with you all. Again, thank you for your pursuit, Raphael. Thank you, Rhodes, for your holding of the space for this access to all of you. Thank you to this great company. I especially honour this intention at hand. I know that I have things to resolve inwardly and outwardly with the Demiurge as well. I best pause here. I’ve spoken so much more than I thought I was ready to.

Raphael: Wowwww. Get used to the new normal I guess! Now, you know why I’m feeling like a rockstar. Thank you so much, Arthur. Your presence and heart energy comes as a long awaited boost to the energy field here. Thank you for every one of your acknowledgments.

I feel to share a bit as well about our connection that unfolded, so recently. Since the first time I saw and read depictions about the ‘Arthurian Legend’, it always struck a deep chord in me. More recently, I could feel that Arthur was a Metasoul Brother. Letting go of the trap of trying to claim that I was him in a past life and instead simply getting on with the undeniable resonance between us is what the Metasoul picture offers. I began to consciously welcome Arthur into my awareness as I felt each of us calibrating to each other, though there wasn’t conscious communication between us at first. Later came more desire to continue to open up the access points between us. Rhodes, as my Gatekeeper, played a key role in this as he and I felt the risk and desire points together that reconnecting with Arthur would bring us in this timeline.

Such a big one for me is the passion for connection with heart open and passionate men. Arthur, I feel, holds a strong energetic, like he said, a radar, maybe you could even call it a ‘bromance energy’, where men leave their lives as they know them to be a part of something they can’t stay away from. In this way, he and I could simply no longer remain apart, and needed to again bridge our timelines to see where that would take us.

It was only yesterday that I felt a big piece of the breakthrough with Arthur, that Rhodes and I felt ready to let in. A normal afternoon was punctuated by a surprisingly large internal sudden change in the weather. I felt like crap at first, but knew this wasn’t directly mine. I knew it was time to check in directly with Arthur. The access with him was now easy and ripe, and I found him in deep despair, as he said. Our connection immediately brought an awareness, that we discussed and felt together, how the Camelot timeline actually didn’t fail at all, but actually succeeded in all that it was meant to and in all that it could in that time. It was meant to be a powerful seed that falls into the ground and dies, and comes back to life, to bring forth much fruit.

Arthur and I also digested the personal pieces together about the absence of women in the round table. We felt together how this was something that had to be, given the circumstances of his timeline. We also felt how we are actually able to carve out a new timeline now, on his end as well as mine, by leveraging each others’ timelines, all the way into ours here in this circle.

One last final piece we digested together was how the oath of the round table was doomed to eventually come to an end, rooted as it was in moral code, duty, and obligation. Duty and obligation served us for a time to take us to this time that is upon us now, a time led by our deepest and most sacred desires. Arthur and I agreed that we would feel into and write a new sacred oath for the reemergence of the round table that is in alignment with what is true now.

I may look calm on the outside, but I’m jumping up and down on the inside.

Rhodes, a huge thank you for this! Merlin, thank you for the magic spell that opens these portals. Andy, thank you for keeping it fun. Animalea, whom I trust will be talking to us very soon, thank you for the sacred feminine keys to find our way back to the always unfolding alive masculine.

Metatron, I feel to ask you to close out today, if you will. What’s stirring in you?

Metatron: Thank you, Raphael. Thank you, Arthur. There’s a whole lot of gratitude flowing today, and it feels so right, given what we are being given.

I need to pause a moment to see what I shall say. Sometimes the moment needs few words, or even none at all.

I do feel to backlight what is happening here with these words, if you will bear with me. What is happening here today is a taking responsibility for the multidimensionality that we each have; accepting and acknowledging it. Then we are moving beyond that acknowledgement to feel what it is that we are doing with that multidimensionality. Being in a higher frequency, does not mean it is automatically a more benevolent frequency. Many times, we find that the higher dimensions are as equally stuck in unresolved conflict as they are in your more familiar 3D. Hearts and souls at all dimensional frequencies are in need of awakening to The All that love is.

The Demiurge himself is a higher vibrational being. We could not gain access to him without opening out our multidimensionality. Beyond that, however, we need to open our hearts to the love ambassadorship that wants to flow from us, if we desire to be a channel of real change. This doesn’t mean trying to have exchange without boundaries, as if in some misapplied idea of unconditional love. We are feeling through what our conditions are, and how we can face the Demiurge, while respecting the law of free will that exists for every piece of consciousness in the multiverse. Each piece of consciousness is a piece of love returning to love, in an expanded way from what it was at the outset of its journey. The Demiurge itself is one such piece of consciousness that is all contained by love. Accepting this, we are then invited into where our own power lies; into our own choice points; into the power of own free will. It all begins and ends with us.

This is what I feel rumbling inside of Arthur, and my god, what a rumble. It’s time a real kingdom of real power arose in men’s hearts, not ‘power over’, but ‘power with’.

Any more words than that, Raphael, would miss the mark I fear.

Raphael: Okay, I’m going to pause it here then and let all this digest. This party is getting started in here. Stay tuned all.

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Day 11 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 10, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 11 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

On the Journal today, we meet my feminine aspect, a magical and beautiful being, ‘Animalea’. This then gets ‘Martin’ outed, as in ‘Martin Luther’, a Metasoul Aspect we’ve known was about to connect with us. Then it’s spending some time feeling a big heart reconnection.

We’re off to see and negotiate with the Demiurge, the Christian god, Jehovah.

You can find the entire series here: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs

Here is Day 11:

Raphael: Calling all Heart Ambassadors. Good Morning, Everyone. I think I know who everyone would like to hear from today, and I wonder if she’s ready?

Animalea: Ok, that was quick, but, yes, I am ready.

Raphael: Sweet. It’s kind of like group circle and it’s your turn to go, it feels like. How is it for you to be here?

Animalea: I’m feeling really good in the moment.

Raphael: I get that, and looking it too, wow.

Animalea: Thank you.

Raphael: I’m so glad for you to be here. You bring so much, that changes so much, and opens out a whole bunch too.

Animalea: Thank you, that goes in. How is that so?

Raphael: Well, there you go, right there…, just being you, Animalea. As the feminine aspect of me, I’d be lost without you, not to mention, bored and boring. You bring so much that I feel I can’t live without and don’t want to live without, and I sure as heaven and hell don’t want to attempt this Journal To The Demiurge without you on board.

Animalea: That goes in too. Thank you. I must have needed the extra compliments today.

Raphael: Well, let’s check in with the circle. Who would like to say anything to Animalea?

Andy: Animalea, you’re the best, the funnest and the prettiest. I’m so happy you are here.

Animalea: Awww, Thank you Andy. I love you too, so much. I wish there was a million of you to go around.

Raphael: Who else?

Jim: Animalea, I was waiting for you. I’m glad you are here now. As Raphael’s childhood 3D Father, I was so conflicted about women. I see now, that I was conflicted about my own inner feminine. Feeling you here,… so…sensual, and sexual even…, it was still a bit difficult for me to use those words just now…it all feels like such a gift to me, now. You are beauty. And I’m not so afraid of you anymore. And, I’m sorry that I couldn’t know you before.

Animalea: Thank you for seeing me now, James. It feels like time to call you James, if I may? You don’t feel like the Jim I once knew. Is it okay to call you James?

Jim: I’d be honored. James. I like it, much better. Done. Jim was so saturated with old stuff that needed to go, and was ready to go. It’s funny, the irony is not lost on me in the moment, how I used to joke about ‘women’s work’ in my put-on traditional Dutch accent, and today it feels like it is a woman who cleans out my patriarchal closet in one fell swoop. I hope I’m not being offensive when I say that. I was just so messed up around femininity, let alone my masculinity. I’m still sorting it out, and you are helping, Animalea, and this Journal is helping a lot too. Who would have believed back in my day that such an amazing wonder world of parts of ourselves, and Guides, and Metasoul Brothers and Sisters could be real?

Raphael: Perfect, James. It fits who you are today. Much better. Who else wants to say anything to Animalea?

Merlin: I’m so inspired by you, Animalea. Your relationship with Raphael’s beloved, Jelelle, gives me a whole bunch of feminine energy, very divine, in a whole bunch of ways. It’s just such a different orientation to life, compared to the absence of the feminine. I feel like I have you to thank in so many ways for my own existence here in Raphael’s life and beyond. And, I too, am inspired by your beauty, of heart, of soul and body.

Animalea: Thank you, Merlin. We have known each other in many times and places, but the coming together here in this now feels very alive, like a harvest time.

Rhodes: I feel such a relief to have you here now as well, Animalea, in Raphael’s life, and on this journey. I too, feel remorse for my role in keeping you off our radar for the time I did. I’m sorry.

Animalea: I’m sorry too, Rhodes. I don’t think I was ready to come out and play until I was. Sounds like we were both in hiding for our own reasons?

Rhodes: But not anymore…

Animalea: So true. You are a very handsome Gatekeeper I must say, or is it more of a Guide you are now?

Rhodes: I’d say I’m mostly Gatekeeper, but with this Journey at hand, and all this time with Metatron, I’m apprenticing as a Guide as well.

Animalea: Cool, I really love your energy. You could open an outfitter’s shop with the coolest clothes and stuff. It would need a cafe in the corner for all the connecting you’d be drawing to the place.

Rhodes: Yumm. That sounds pretty hot.

Animalea: You’re hot stuff and you got stuff, man. 🙂

Rhodes: So, what shade of red am I turning now?

Raphael: Just a soft pink glow, Rhodes. Suits you very well actually. Feels like you might be drawing a mate soon.

Rhodes: I’ve been feeling that actually, and it’s really amped up being around you, Animalea. You’re helping.

Raphael: Didn’t I tell you Animalea was going to warm up the place? Who else?

Arthur: Feeling all these sentiments here, I feel very warmed up. I’m reminded of the summer night fire ceremonies at Beltane, where we as teenagers were introduced to our sexuality, as we honored mother-god, feeling the flow and cycle of life, flow through our bodies and lovemaking. I feel all of that in you, Animalea. I’m feeling this journey to the Demiurge is a call to reawaken to our sacred sexuality, our sacred humanity, our sacred masculinity and our sacred femininity, all of it. If there’s one thing I feel about the Demiurge, it is that he is very sexually frustrated and unfulfilled. I mean, he could very well be like a 40 billion year old virgin, with all that ‘no sex before marriage’ prescriptions he gave out.

Pardon me, I digress. Let me just say that I feel so glad to have you with us. This changes this journey in a big way. These sentiments towards you here, Animalea, are proof of that to me. I wouldn’t want to undertake this journey without you.

Animalea: Thank you, Arthur. I so remember you, and then in other ways, you don’t feel like the King I remember. You’ve changed. It’s a delight to feel.

Arthur: I wouldn’t be here, had I not evolved, Animalea. And Thank you.

Raphael: Anyone else? No need to rush a good thing…

Martin: Raphael, may I?

Raphael: Ahhh, Martin, please do, and tell everyone who you are. I figured this would get to you.

Martin: Get to me, it has. Thank you, to everyone here. There’s a gratitude layer here so thick, you could serve it with beer and bratwurst. I’m Martin. Infamously known as Martin Luther, for much that I’m not actually proud of. Being invited here to be part of this great journey, and then to feel each of you, is almost more than I can bear. I wish now, Animalea, that I could have known life through your eyes. I wish, Andy, that I could come to know my own Inner Child and Starbeing aspect like you. I wish, Arthur, that I could have been introduced to the mother-god as you were. Merlin, how my life would have been different had I known my Unicorn to take me on tours of the dimensions. I lived a very single dimensional life, with the ‘single personality disorder’, as you call it, Raphael. I’ve got some healing to attend to, and I so feel you all can help me with it. I’m a pretty quick learner, if you’ll all agree to having me join you.

Raphael: Yes, big yes! A big Lutheran Church sized yes.

Martin: Oh, please, don’t remind me. We’re a bit backed up on reformations, but I’m hoping that facing the Demiurge might shift a few things for the church-going people.

Raphael: I so look forward to feeling your input on the mission at hand, Martin. I see you with your scroll of 95 theses, hammer and nails, marching up to the church door, posting your message. We post by electronic mail now, you know, quite the advancement.

Martin: So I’ve been told. And you speak with your fingers, of all things. Andy was showing me his iPad yesterday, and his Minecraft game. He’s promised to teach me how to type. My goodness, what a dimension, not sure I’ll want to go back to my own anytime soon, but I miss my Katrianna already. She so won’t believe any of this, I fear.

Raphael: Ah, yes. Metatron and Merlin should be able to guide you between the worlds as needed. Speaking of Metatron, I don’t think we’ve heard from you yet, Metatron, and I’d sure like to?

Metatron: What would you like me to say, Raphael?

Raphael: You always expand us out in some big way.

Metatron: You’re all feeling pretty expanded out to me already. I don’t feel I need to expand us out any further for today, unless I do that without intending so.

Sometimes, it’s gets old being all metaphysical all the time. Being human, and feeling your experiences, and what you feel, feels so magical from where I live. Spiritually focused humans get all pumped about the higher dimensions. Let me tell you, they get normalized quite quickly, and then you end up wanting the goodness of the lower dimensions that you took for granted when you were there. Or maybe I’m just feeling that way from hanging around you all everyday. Not sure. What I am feeling is how there is all the time in the multiverse to feel it all. There are a lot of things that just can’t be felt in the higher dimensions, and no dimension is better or even higher for that matter. Heaven wants and waits to be dialed into every dimension. Feeling it come into this heart circle is so enough for me right now, and a mission to boot! And Andy! Praise Allah. Christmas in July. Oh, I’m meandering, aren’t I? I’m happy, really happy.

I need to say, Animalea, you especially struck a chord inside of me, today, that I don’t even know what it is, but something is humming inside. Just watching your presence here, your being, and what emanates from you, makes me go want to do my human journey all over again. I think I may have missed a few lessons. Is that possible, Raphael?

Raphael: You’ve been the one telling me that the learning never stops, and that it’s not linear. So, I’d guess that you haven’t missed anything, the divine just saved some really good pieces for now, that’s all.

Metatron: That works for me. I’m lovin’ it. I’m loving Be-ing with you all. Hell, if we don’t make it to see the Demiurge, I’d be okay with that. That’s the way I’m feeling right now.

Hmmm, I said I wasn’t going to get all metaphysical. Forgive me, I feel one small piece coming on. I’ll try and keep it short. Is this okay, Andy?

Andy: Metatron, you’re the best, and you’re joining us at the Golden Earth Baskin Robbins Infinite flavors afterwards, so it’s all good.

Metatron: Okay, good. Now, you got my mouth watering. Where was I? Oh, yeah. We are actually reaching the Demiurge right now, as we speak and feel together. We are reaching into and penetrating his domain. His domain is the domain of not feeling okay to be human. His domain is the domain of real relationality not being okay. His domain is the domain where someone as beautiful and gorgeous and radiant as Animalea, as a feminine being is not okay. His domain is the heavy hand of duty and obligation, and moral code. I don’t feel one bit obliged here today in that way. I’m with Andy. We’re doing what we want to, when we want to, because we want to. How magically pagan and heathen is that?

Just feeling love and goodness, that just is, that wasn’t monopolized, monetized, demonized, politicized or moralized, or, hallelujah, colonized…, is so powerful. It’s the love army of One that contains the All. It’s a currency that flows in a current. The Demiurge deal is over. It’s done. The Divine is just asking us to do some traffic directing and to feel and negotiate some of the particulars around an exit strategy is how I feel it. The Demiurge and his system is simply no longer sustainable. He wants to negotiate his own exit is how I feel it. It no longer can vibrate into reality here like it used to.

Raphael: That feels super interesting, Metatron. Thank you.

Metatron: You’re welcome. I’m done.

Raphael: I’m done to, just about. Jelelle wants to go take in sun codes at the beach soon, so someone’s gotta do that, might as well be me, I guess. But, I will go dual-dimensional and meet up with whomever is gonna hit the Golden Earth Baskin Robbins as well.

I’m so liking the feeling of where we are, so taking our time, so feeling all there is to feel. What you spoke to just now, Metatron, alleviates something in me. Somewhere inside, there’s been a growing question the farther we get on this journey that sounds something like, ‘So, what is it that we’re trying to accomplish?’ and ‘How is it that we’re going to accomplish it?’. I wanted to feel that openly with all of us soon and it feels like you got us started already. I’m reminded of what you have told me again and again, Metatron, that the questions are the essence of the quest, rather than the answers. I always love that reminder. It’s make me feel five years old again. ‘Why Daddy?’ ‘Why Mommy?’ We can not-know our way to knowing. It’s always the best.

What a day! The advent of Animalea! The manifestation of Martin. Jim becoming James. Finding our heart fire.

We best digest up and get ready for tomorrow. Thank you everyone; our new mantra in the super abundant universe that never gets old, thank you.

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You Are A Timeless Creation

Published on January 5, 2018January 5, 2018 by Raphael Awen3 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Tick-tock!

News Flash: 1 percent of the New Year has gone by already, as of this minute, 3:36 pm local time, today, January 4th.

We speak of making time, spending time, wasting time, killing time, doing time, bending time, and on and on the list goes.

Time is something made up by us, being the creators we are. That we, as individual and collective consciousness, can do whatever we want with it, however we want, is my deepening suspicion and curiosity.

We tend to like to stack it up linearly, into ‘past, present and future’ as that seems to serve a mutually agreed upon need that we have to relate to time. We needed something to blame for a while until we are ready to step into the next place of our soul bigness.

I don’t have the time. I’m not young anymore. Time is money and money is time. Time marches on.

When we get some space from this need to play victim to time, we feel how consciousness itself is projecting itself into the perception of time, albeit by our choice and willingness to participate in it, even if it isn’t a conscious choice on our part.

Consciousness, however, can just as easily step outside of time, as consciousness itself exists outside of time. It can do time, or not do time.

Instead of managing time, planning your time, and using time, why not take an imaginary step outside of time, where your soul dwells and resonates? You can access all time possibilities from this place.

You are a timeless creation, playing with the concept of time for soul reasons, with all the seriousness of a child at play. Take your time.

Happy New Year everyone, and now, on with the other 99%… 🙂

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SoulFullHeart’s Monthly Money UPdate for December 2017

Published on January 5, 2018January 5, 2018 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

donate

By Raphael Awen

So, wow, It’s not only month end, it’s year end too, and what a time to take in a big deep breath of satisfaction for an awesome year, and take in another big breath for all the desires for even greater things in 2018, including relocating to Europe!

A few months back, we began to share a monthly transparent financial update for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. The intention was and is to welcome those who’d like to be a part of our financial unfolding. We would be mega-delighted to receive your donation over Paypal or monthly support over Patreon.

We had our largest money month ever (in our recent three year timeline, since leaving Canada)! And none of it was for outside on-line work gigs this month, other than Gabriel and Kalayna’s regular English teaching. We can so feel and sniff the arising timeline of where all of our revenue is SoulFullHeart Revenue, even phasing out the English teaching. Speaking of which, total SFH revenue this month tripled from 3 months ago, and made up almost half of our total revenue. These are all encouraging signs of change and shifting timelines for us.

In other good news this past month, we had a feeling of abundance to be generous in Christmas gift sharing, which was well beyond the previous three years. Jelelle and I also got new iPads as well. Things are looking up!

A BIG and exciting intention we have for this year is moving to Europe before May (or sooner if Jelelle has her way) – all five of us and 2 dogs, and whomever else might be joined with us when we do! We see the Glastonbury area of London as our first landing pad.

Here’s a look at our money flow for this month: December, 2017. This is for the 5 of us as well as SoulFullHeart expenses.

(all figures in US Dollars)

$4,609 – Total Revenue for December – a three year record!

Total Revenue breakdown as follows:

$2,407 – Gabriel and Kalayna’s English Teaching through VIPkid, up a bit, but mostly because of a favorable exchange rate.

$2,202 – Total SoulFullHeart Revenue broken down as below:

$1,877 – Payments for Sessions have tripled in the last three months.

$63 – Group Call Donations for our one Group Call this month.

$18 – Book Sales

$244 – General Donations – People just sending money! Double the amount from 3 months ago.

Thank you for taking this in and feeling us in this arising. We are so not ‘stuck for money’, as we see money as a love mirror of goodness reflecting back to us whatever we need to see and feel.

We feel waves of new goodness wanting to come our way in 2018, and if you’d like to be a part of that financially this year, in whatever amount feels right for you, we would so love to receive that love and send it back out into the universe, our hearts and our bellies.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 12, Part 1 of 2 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 5, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 12, part 1, of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Good Morning, Everyone. Isn’t it magical that we get these cycles called, ‘days’ in order to move through this intention? The word ‘journal’ means daily travel, which makes it a journey, or a sojourn. I feel so honored to be here and to be leading this with you all, to have your presence at this round table. The round table feels like a vortex of energy where so much from each other’s realities and timelines gets to heal and integrate, and then to be leveraged into each other’s worlds, exponentially.

There’s like this telepathic teleprompter in our Merkabah that is just so much fun to play with, feeling all the places we can go. In moments, I forget our main intention of meeting with the Demiurge, and then it circles back on its own, somehow. There are just so many new and emerging ways to be with life that I struggle at times to have the patience to allow them to arise; to be more natural around the navigation. Parts of me so want the new now, all of it. I’ve been given tastes of Golden Earth that feel like acclimations to that energy, and that leaves me with an ache, with a deep missing feeling, when my awareness is more tuned into 3D life.

I’ve been feeling lately how simple it is with a mix of willingness and intention to dial up a raising of my frequency. I’m feeling that would be good to do right now. Let’s check into Golden Earth together right now. We can dial up a conference place that has a perfect blend of indoor and outdoor amenities, privacy and whatever else we can imagine as perfect for today. How does that sound?

Martin: It sounds so good, I can hardly stand it. Yes, please.

Arthur: I second that motion, Martin.

Animalea: Perfect. Place and energy is so important. High purposes need high places.

Merlin: Andy and I are all good to go.

Raphael: Okay, I can see we are all in. I’ll ask each of us to close our eyes, to help going inward, at least, that’s what I find helps. No rules here though. I like to also take a few deep breaths, feeling the inhale and exhale. Something about dialing in the source energy that we all do in every moment, but in a more conscious intentional way. I see us reaching out touching hands as we do, and it feels like we have lift off. Feel the ascent. See in the distance a set of gates that make up the grand entrance to Golden Earth. Yours might well be different from mine. Approach these gates with your intention and desire. Now broadcast those desires and intentions to the gates. That makes for the automatic garage door opener. Silently, the gates begin to open.

Feel the domain you are leaving fade in your awareness as Golden Earth tones and frequencies rise into your awareness. Feel all that you can feel and notice. Hear any messages. See any pictures. You may well taste and smell things as well. You have each of your senses here and more. Nothing quite like a little Golden Earth aromatherapy. Trust what you are being given with full gratitude that this is precisely what you are meant to experience. Feel any parts of you who have any kind of reaction to what they are experiencing.

Wow, Okay, I can feel you all taking in big gulps. Perfect. I’m going to let you all go on ahead as deep as you want to. I’m going to hang back just a bit to keep one eye on the door to welcome others in our growing posse, to make sure they feel at home here to.

I’m going to keep talking as you settle in. It’s okay if you don’t track to much of what I’m saying right now. The vibes here contain all the goodies, anyway you let them in.

It’s like almost impossible to feel the dark energy of the Demiurge from here. I can so feel we need to feel this as a reference point. There is no ‘separation from God’ energy here. It just can’t vibrate here. There is in its place, the incredibly rich sensory overload of feeling that you are the Divine. Want to feel your own creative power, just imagine a scene shift of your choosing. I’m fond of the Golden Earth Redwoods myself. How’s that?

Andy: Whoahhhh, Raphael. Can I try?

Raphael: I was hoping you would.

Andy: I’m adding in lions and tigers and bears.

Raphael: Voila, isn’t this wild, Andy? They seem curious about us and each other, and without fear or aggression.

Animalea: I just dropped in Adam and Eve.

Raphael: Oh – my – goodness. Aren’t they something to behold and feel.

Wow, you guys, as we are doing this just now, I can feel how the Demiurge himself knows how to do this, on some level. He made up a story that set himself up as the creator, and denied the created subjects of you and I any of the creative power, in his version of the story at least. He was able to sell this story to enough people and his story became ‘his-story’, as in history, to the absence of herstory. This also aligns with the deal how we co-created the Demiurge subconsciously with our disowned creative power, like we’ve already talked about, how we needed a power to hold our own divinity as a placeholder until we could awaken to it. In other words, we built this beast. This is important to feel, I’m reminded just now. If we created this beast, then it is ours to un-create. Trouble is, it’s all too real, and it can’t shift, unless we do.

This is getting wild to feel, isn’t it? Quite a mind trip for sure. Let me remind you though, that I’m just calling it as I see it. I don’t claim any of that absolute-truth poop-scoop. That’s the Demiurge’s deal to claim the corner on that one, that keeps beings asleep to their own truth. It’s way more fun being in the ‘near as I can tell’ zone.

Now that we’re getting settled, what should we talk about? I don’t like preparing speeches as you know. It’s way more fun feeling what wants to arise between us. I was feeling to talk together from here in Golden Earth anything about our mission at hand in any roundabout kind of way we felt to, or not. There sure is this absence of anxiety here, isn’t there? It takes some reorienting to find your bearings. I think to let each of you check in as you feel to, with whatever you feel to.

Rhodes: My God, it’s hard to find a place to begin, but I feel something moving and like I’m supposed to open my mouth so even I can find out what that might be. I feel this gratitude layer emanating from each one of us. I’d say you were all high, unless I knew better. But then, we are high aren’t we? And we’re not at the same time. It is an altered reality that’s for sure. It’s funny, though, because even the term ‘altered reality’ assumes a baseline of reality that can then be altered. I get from the vantage point here how there isn’t one fixed reality. There is just our reality conditioning. We are imprisoned by the cults of our own making until we realize this. Wow, I could go on, I see, but what I really need to say, is how good it feels to be feeling this with you all, letting in a newer reality. There is one big downside to being a Gatekeeper and that is that you know so much lies beyond the gate, while you chain yourself to keeping the gate. I am so sorry, Raphael, and I need to extend that sorry to each of you here, and to each of you who come by here, for the lockdown of the past. I want to resolve all of this remorse and sail to all that we are being given to see and feel. I want wonder. I want reverence. I want to be awe-filled and awe-ful, and not to be afraid any longer of the unknown more that lies beyond what I can see and not see.

Martin: I was waiting for you, Raphael, to respond to Rhodes, just now, and then I got it. Actually, I felt the words land, as you call it, and it just went swoosh around the whole circle. Wow, this is all so new and so magical, with a bunch of new vocabulary, too. Then, I couldn’t help myself. I had to jump in. I think I floated more than slept last night, yet I feel quite rested. Thank you, Rhodes, for opening this portal to me and my timeline. I’m rested at the moment, but I am also so torn inside. My timeline must be the most complete opposite to this timeline. It is so unimaginable to feel both as real. The Witches are being burned as we sit here while Pope Fart-Ass, and the pedophile Priests preside over it all. Oh my god, it’s all a fucking Demiurge racket where I come from, and we’re not at all free of it. We moved a bit of this in the Reformation, but it so looks like a mere drop in the bucket from where I sit now. I’ve never really seen the Demiurge as the actual deal I’ve been running from, while thinking I was serving ‘God’. I have a whole heap to feel through and sort out.

I so don’t want this dead ‘Luther’an church deal that I see in your timeline. It hurts to feel your growing up story, Raphael, sitting in such a church twice every Sunday, while Andy waited to reach for the stars. Thank the Divine for the holy boredom that wanted something so much more. That I am actually feeling is such a wild feeling in itself, and how easy it is here with you all, in this Merkabah as you call it, to feel. I feel I best pause here. I’ve been known to be long winded at times, but I actually need to go inwards in a really big way. I have parts of my own that call for my attention. One part is feeling I must be completely deceived. Another wants to move in with you all and never look back. I must tend to this inner family, if I am to find any way at all. Mostly, in this moment, I want to say, I feel so much gratitude for it all, and for you all here.

Raphael: Thank you, Martin, so much for feeling here. Who else wants to share? The quiet is okay too, isn’t it?

Arthur: I think it’s supposed to be me to go next, I just was waiting to get a sense of what to say. I still don’t know, actually. It makes me a bit uncomfortable to open my mouth, when I don’t know what to say. I’m not usually stuck for words. Maybe it’s high time I let go of kingly speeches, and instead find my heart. It’s funny though, because people say I’m known for speaking my heart, and they even had parts of me convinced of that to be the case. Here in your presence, however and the energy in this circle, I feel more like I was speaking and relying on some kind of heartful platitudes, I fear. I feel something deeper and I can’t really describe it, and that feels a bit disempowering to a part of me in the moment as well. I can feel this expanded galactic connection to all of you, to each of you, and it feels like a whole new world. It feels like the world has been blanketed with pure white snow for the very first time and I’m being invited to dress appropriately and to go out and play. Then, I feel a deep anxiety that I won’t know how to play, or that you won’t like me. That’s strange too, because I feel a deep love coming from each of you in this moment.

Then I feel like I’ve never been afraid to do battle when duty called, when the deep things that matter the most are called to be defended and protected. But here, with you, in this place, all those battles feel so far removed somehow. These battles don’t even feel real. What’s really crazy is the feeling that these battles originated from inside of me, and only then got their license to play out externally. Like the cat chasing its own tail.

I’ve been trying to feel my own contribution and value to the mission at hand, in this delegation to the Demiurge. Honestly, I couldn’t begin to tell you what that might be in this moment. It’s a disconcerting thought and a really good one somehow at the same time. I’m hoping that just being here and letting whatever this is that is happening, continue to happen will sort me out. As you said, Martin, I can feel I have parts of me tugging in different directions, with different needs, but so far, it all feels like each part is genuinely excited as well.

I hope that I made some sense. Part of me just now, feels I made no sense at all. I think I will return to listening. Thank you, all, for listening to me.

Andy: You made lots of sense to me just now, Arthur. You felt so kingly before, which is cool too, but now, you feel so much softer and even more interesting. We can go out and play in the snow. I can feel your own Inner Child, Magical Child, Starbeing Self, all of them in there, wanting to come out and play. A crown won’t keep you warm though, you need a warm fuzzy toque to be out in the snow. And then, when we get cold, we come back inside for a fire and hot chocolate. It’s like the best of all the worlds.

Arthur: (in tears) Andy, you touch something so deep in me, that so wants to play again. I want to be able to feel and get to know these parts of myself, that are like you. And yes, I’ll be quite happy to ditch the crown for a fuzzy warm toque, with a big silly dingle ball on top.

Animalea: On those notes, I feel to check in, next. It feels so good feeling each of you share here. I so get what you said, Rhodes, about the altered reality feeling. I feel how we all need our realities continually altered and re-altered, so that we can then be with each of those realities, both new and old. I’m also feeling how far removed it feels here in Golden Earth, from the Demiurge’s reality. That reality is real, but not here in this dimension. From here, it feels so far removed. Demiurge, what Demiurge? When you check into Golden Earth, his reality just dissolves. Maybe, we just need to teach everyone how to check into Golden Earth, and then the Demiurge just becomes irrelevant? But that would be transcending a whole bunch, I get that. An instant fix for sure, but one that leaves a whole bunch unfixed at the same time.

Okay, then I’m feeling how none of us actually need any fixing. I feel like I’m channeling you, Metatron, hope that’s okay. I’m feeling how each of us are living perfectly dialed up stories and dramas, that present us exactly with the circumstances and cast of characters that we need to learn our way through feeling school. It all hinges on feeling. Feeling is the paddle to the canoe. Feeling is the rocket booster to your spaceship. Feeling is what takes us from hell to heaven. But, that’s precisely what the Demiurge deal is most bent on. If there’s one thing his entire deal is about, it’s about not feeling. Those Ten Commandments, and his 40 billion year old virginity, all of it is about his own fear to feel. He, like every last one of us pieces of consciousness commute and transmute through life and experience by feeling. Andy, knows how to feel. He can feel sorrow and switch to joy at the drop of an ice cream cone. When I grow up, I want to be like Andy. The Demiurge’s local dimension is 3D, which isn’t a bad ‘D’ at all. We’ve just despaired of 3D, as it has had so much Demiurge projection into it. I’m feeling how, I can bridge to 3D, if I can get to be at home here in Golden Earth at the same time, without transcending any feeling that the Divine wants me to feel, even if it’s painful.

Okay, I just went all over the place too, didn’t I? Feels like that kind of day. If I dial a bit further down to my heart, I feel this huge gratitude layer. It’s so thick, it’s like there’s still a part of me afraid I’ll choke on it somehow, that I won’t be able to breathe this oxygen, and yet, it gently invites me, to trust and to fall back into it.

I know I want each one of you, so very much. I want to do anything as long as it’s with you. I feel like the Demiurge project is as good as any, in the moment, anything that will allow community to form around some cohesion. I don’t want to do life alone. You are each so different than me, and that is like the most exciting. Thank you for wanting me and seeing me like you do.

~ To Be Continued In Part Two ~

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Day 12, Part 2 of 2 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 4, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 12

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 12, Part 2 of 2, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Around Christmas time, I was guided to undertake a journal journey to connect with the Demiurge. Demiurge is the term used by the Gnostic Christians, and others to refer to the Christian god ‘Jehovah’ or ‘Yahweh’. I personally served this ‘God’ until 13 years ago, when I publicly admitted that ‘I no longer held Jesus as my personal saviour’, which was a renunciation of my faith, a kind of baptism in reverse if you will, that collapsed my entire known social world that I had built around Christianity.

This journal is a deep dive ambassadorship involving parts of me as well as aspects of my Metasoul, as well as beloved guides taking a journey to connect with the Demiurge to see what we can resolve. Why is the Demiurge the way he is? How have we co-created the Demiurge out of the projections of our own Internal Punisher aspects of ourselves?

These and so many more questions are felt together, as an exciting and deepening connection unfolds along the way.

Today’s Journal entry involves discovering one’s own opposite gender within, and the internal resistances we have to doing that. It seems the Demiurge is in part a big projection of ours built around our fears of our internal opposite gendered aspects of ourselves. ‘Animalea’ is my feminine aspect and she continues here in Part 2 of Day 12.

Raphael: Thank you for being so here, Animalea. How it would move men’s hearts and souls if they could be in deepening connection with their own feminine aspect of themselves, differentiated and personalized, a living, breathing being, with their own distinct tastes and feelings and needs and desires.

Animalea: And with her own wardrobe, too.

Raphael: Yes, we haven’t taken up cross-dressing in 3D, but we sure can etherically, when we want to feel and see beauty and magic. I know for men to open to their inner feminine, opens out worlds, sexually and sensually that men on one hand, so long for, and on the other hand, are so afraid of. Hence, the big pornography pretzel that men can get so easily caught up in. Porn can be an invitation, if we’re ready to feel it that way, to get to know and feel your own inner feminine, and your Inner Teenager who so wants to be initiated into his own potent desirability, very much including his genitals, along with all of his other powers in this world.

You feel like an ocean inside to explore, Animalea. An ocean that I can only explore in stages. Which is probably true for you too, right?

Animalea: My goodness, yes. It takes digestion and integration to feel these things with you. It is such a heart, soul, and body experience that opens a portal, and then it takes some time. And, thank the Divine, that 3D is a time generator, because we each need time to live into the new reality that our feeling together generated.

You mentioned porn, and this so feels like a standstill, or maybe a standoff, that men have with their inner feminine. The woman has willingly shared herself, but in the least personal or vulnerable way, as she offers herself to any man who will hopefully admire, or any man she can kick at with a sense of ‘look at what you can only look at, but can’t have’, depending on what she has going on in her emotional body. It’s a powerful introduction for a man to his awakening sexuality, but it wants to fly free and into much deeper fulfilled realms. It wants to ‘man’ifest in a manhood infestation, that dances in real time with a real woman.

I experience that, Raphael, as you and your mate, Jelelle, connect. Sometimes, I feel like a total lesbian and a very proud one at that, and at other times, I feel like I so get to explore the deep masculine. This is the hottest stuff.

I don’t need to preach about it so much, as much as I feel a need to be around others who are courageously exploring their own depths. I so want to be matched and be able to compare notes and heart chords. This creates a symphony that goes out into the quantum, a whole other layer of orgasm.

I know this must have a bunch to do as well with the Demiurge. All those Christian proscriptions against sex and sexuality, and how the ‘loose woman will take you to hell’ that the book of Proverbs in the Bible goes on about. That all was written by men who tangled a moment with their own inner feminine, got freaked out and needed to run back to their mommies, who would give them milk and cookies like a six year old, when life felt so safe. The feminine and masculine dance together is not meant to be ‘safe’. The dance is for those who have gotten their safety needs met. Boys don’t do heart and passion. All they can do is peak at pictures, and then giggle, and then hide their pictures.

Raphael: This actually brings up a really big question. How much of the Demiurge reality exists because of our collective fear of our sexuality, along with the fear of all of our desires in general? When we embrace a desire, really own it and feel it inside without suppression, it takes us to change. It takes us into the next stages of our growth. The boy can only find the courage and power to leave the goodness and safety of Mommy to one day know Sacred Union with a mate if he can surrender to his desires. Taking responsibility for desires and passions is what the boy, the teen, the man is ever being invited into.

The Demiurge system is built around suppression and shaming the boy at an early age, invalidating his dawning awareness of his sensuality and sexuality. This, in turn, leaves the girl having to go to weird measures to try and get a rise out of the man, to get him to show up with both an open heart and a stiff cock at the same time. The Demiurge system also suppresses the women for her ‘harlotry’, and ‘enticements’ making the weak man the victim of her ‘temptations’. Oh my god, the man is afraid of his own inner feminine, making it and the women the source of our ‘fallen’ nature, like the pathetic Adam and Eve story, in the Genesis account.

Now that my life has lived into a new reality outside of the intensity of the Christian God’s deal, I have so felt wave after wave of new reality about what it means to be with the masculine-feminine dance inside of myself and with a mate. This dance is what has led to a whole bunch of other dances too, like leaving geography, like leaving decades long careers and relationships that were complete to be able to go on to my next steps. In a world of infinite love, there are always ‘next steps’. We are forever the student, being encouraged and enthused to learn.

It would seem that the Demiurge system is about the attempt at capping truth’s ongoing expansion, into ‘thee truth’ and ‘absolute truth’ for fear of surrendering, really surrendering to our own truth. We are invited instead to live into our own absolute truth, while admitting it to be our truth. Here is where our light shines, the city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. Our truth is then lived into and experimented with and the results enter the collective data collection system allowing all to witness and feel into their own truth. Here, we trans-parent each other.

We are faced with maybe the most scary thing about life itself, in that we are our own authority. Our surrender to the Divine is most seen in this surrender to this reality of the authorship of our own lives. A child can not accept this reality, but his ‘UPbringing’ is intended to take him or her there, being modeled by BEings called parents, who can trans-parent this reality into their hearts.

I best pause here, I’m going off a bit aren’t I? How is what I’m sharing landing in you? Anyone?

Martin: This is so different from my reality conditioning as you call it, Raphael. But it rings so true. It rings as my higher truth. I can so feel how I and a whole swath of humanity were wanting to escape and move away from the Demiurge system, and we made some movements, but it feels like those movements were still very much inside of the the same system, just changing the polarity a bit. Protestantism is just that, a protest. It is a solemn movement away from something, even while it is still inside that something. I couldn’t see and feel this without this connection with you all here. Protestantism may be a movement, but it still resonates with all the most basic tenets of Catholicism. It’s all Demiurge, to the core. I want to be done with that Bastard. I want to be done with protesting against his deal. Protesting leaves me in an ongoing relationship with the Demiurge, on the inside. I want to live into a new world on the outside.

I can’t begin to know how to integrate any of this back into the dimension I come from. I’m hoping you can help me with that. Part of me just wants to rescue Katrianna out of our dimension, and join you all here, and not look back. I did that once, you know, rescuing her from her nunnery, floating her out of there inside of a wine barrel. How would you advise me, may I ask?

Raphael: Who has some advice for Martin?

Andy: My advice is follow the fun, Martin. Sounds like you’ve been doing that so far, and it’s been changing and guiding you. Fun isn’t bad or wrong, like Raphael was saying. The Demiurge is the one who doesn’t know how to have fun if his life depended on it. His life actually depends on not having any fun. If he actually began having fun, I think he’d self destruct somehow, or maybe, that’s what he believes to be true. Maybe we can just invite him out to play somehow?

Martin: ‘Follow the fun’. Thank you, Andy. That feels so inviting, but I have to ask,… I can feel a part of me back at protesting, ‘how can that be okay?’ this part of me asks.

Arthur: One thing I’ve learned, Martin, is that even when we are living by the highest of morals and nobility, we are doing it as our highest form of fun. I didn’t realize that till more recently, thinking instead that we were sacrificing for the greater good. We may have given up some of our comforts, but we did it because we wanted to, because that was the funnest fun, if I can borrow Andy’s words. None of us ever escape our own self interest. Even the most self-less act is actually the truest selfish act, where we see and feel the self to be no longer bad, but integral to all that is good.

I’m not sure that offers you any of the advice you were asking, Martin. Actually, I can so feel a part of me feeling the same as you. Camelot lies in ruins. Maybe that is its completion, its necessary outcome, so that something new can come. Maybe an ending is a beginning in this way. I so don’t want to get caught up in trying to revive something that needs to die. But, on the other hand, I can feel another part of me, more than one actually, who knows nothing else than living for Camelot. It would feel like turning my back on Camelot in a big way to not fight to the death for her. Leaving this round table here today, leaves me in quite an internal dilemma. I really want to live and be free, more than anything. I’ve always wanted that. What is the true path to freedom? How have I tried to deal with the Demiurge to get me to the freedom I so desire? I welcome true advice as well.

Raphael: It so feels like your turn, Metatron…

Metatron: I hope no one felt me as checked out today, I’ve felt so present to every word of this round table today. Being with the questions and quandaries is the quest, and breathing through it all. You all are feeling and inquiring on a crazy high level. This so feels like a first to me.

Just feeling and being with these QUESTions on the quest is the quest. I’m a little hesitant to overshadow the process here with any insights that take away from the feeling and connecting you are doing, that we are doing…that is finding its own way.

I’m so feeling how what you and Animalea energized today, Raphael. It’s a romantic quest that one simply shows up for if they want it. It calls you ‘to leave your father and your mother’. Even the Demiurge knew that much. Here the father and mother we are being asked to leave is reality as we known it up till now, in order to let in a new reality. The Divine Father and the Divine Mother wants to trans-parent a new reality into place. The universe lilipads itself from one security to the next. It risks continually in this way, having felt the love and courage that was gained from the previous home. Even the Demiurge reality that held us for so long is now fading in its strength and hold on us. Nothing can hold us in a stasis. We are being invited to come to terms with conscious and continual change, while knowing deeper and deeper self love and security amidst the change. This is the best of all worlds.

Arthur, and Martin, you have pieces to walk out for sure, as you are feeling. As you do walk them out, you open an exponential path in the quantum for the many you have served and the many you will serve. You will so find and feel a grace for the next step. That’s the magical flow that you are living in, continually anchoring you in feeling held and loved, providing the goods to go into the next bliss, while not paving over any pain with that bliss.

This so gets close to the heart of what we are wanting to energize to the Demiurge. He’s not evil, neither is he the pedestalized creator-of-all. He has however been left out of the loop, relationally, holding all of our projections onto him. I’m getting very curious what he’ll have to say to us and possibly even a willingness to feel some things with us.

I don’t think I have much else to say, Raphael. I’ve got a big glow on today, that feels good to feel. I just want to hang out in all of your world and energy for the day.

Heck, I’m with you, Arthur and Martin, I may need to trade in the Archangel business for a retirement here with you all.

Raphael: Wow, I’m not sure you could pry me out of Golden Earth either with a pitchfork and a bulldozer, or anything else. I’m still working on learning how to integrate the worlds. I still have business in 3D, or I wouldn’t find myself waking up there. I just want to let these worlds blend and integrate, more and more, and then some more.

That sounds like it’d be a whole heap of fun that should keep us busy for a good while, wouldn’t you say, Andy?

Andy: Todo, todo, todo, as they say here in Mexico! We get to follow the fun. If we’re having fun, why try to fix anything right?

Raphael: There you have it, people. Take it from a Magical Child Starbeing Aspect. Let’s practice that some today, and see what arises from here.

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Day 13 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on January 2, 2018June 9, 2020 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 13, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

In today’s entry, we are guided by Metatron into a surprising guided meditation to feel how good and evil are not actually separate, but all contained inside of and part of love. Then from there, we get quite the digestions of this from Martin (from the Martin Luther timeline) and Arthur (from the King Arthur timeline).

This is Day 13 of an ongoing Journal Series called ‘Journal To The Demiurge’. This series is an ambassadorship within to connect to the Demiurge. The Demiurge is another name for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh.

Here is Day 13:

Good Morning Heart Family! This journey keeps moving on, doesn’t it? I feel asked to show up for it again. I need to ask, Metatron, for some guidance about where to go today, if you would?

Metatron: Let’s do a little guided meditation together, if that works…?

Raphael: Perfect…

Metatron: Okay, settle yourselves in for a ride. Get comfy. Set up a physical space to match an inner space, and let’s travel. See yourself transported to a meadow opening inside of a forest. Though you are by yourself, you are not feeling alone, as you feel held by Gaia, as a delightsome presence. The opening, the warm sun above, the tall green grass, the forest surround, the sounds of many other creatures; all afford you a feeling of being an intrinsic part of nature herself. Here, there is no feeling whatsoever of anything being wrong, or needing to be fixed, as all is submerged in love and super-intelligence. Care and love oozes from every pore of all that you can see and feel. Let this flow into you and reach a saturation point, where you feel like you can’t let in any more. Got that?

Raphael: Working on it…

Metatron: Okay, now, I’m going to ask you to do something strange in comparison. Create another imagination portal to a scene of great abuse. It could be a parent sexually abusing a child, or a government performing some kind of ethnic cleansing atrocity. See if you can also stay in your meadow as you witness and feel the harm and abuse that is perpetrated by what appears to be the powerful upon the powerless.

It may seem like you are watching a movie. Feel the movie, but feel it from where you are. Feel the contrast of these two colliding worlds. Feel both at the same time if you can.

One world has nothing that needs to be fixed and the other has everything seemingly that needs to be fixed. Feel how both worlds are true, and neither cancels out the other. See if you can see any pathway between the worlds.

What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: It’s kind of crazy making, Metatron, to try and hold both realities at the same time. I’m tending to go into one at the expense of the other.

Metatron: Exactly, as they are pretty much at the opposite energies to each other. Put yourself fully in the meadow, and what do you feel about the abuse?

Raphael: It needs to stop. It’s not Okay.

Metatron: Now, put yourself in the abuse. What do you feel about the meadow?

Raphael: The abusers don’t know about the meadow. They need to know and feel the meadow which would take care of the abuse. If they knew the meadow, they couldn’t carry out the abuse.

Metatron: So, your saying, it has to stop, and it would be impossible to carry out if these worlds could be joined. The abuse can only occur while the worlds remain separate, right? So, how then do you join the two?

Raphael: You see that the two are not actually separate, or at war with each other. We’ve just been convinced that they are.

Metatron: I thought you were going to take a while to get there, but you’re right, even if a bit anticlimactic.

Raphael: Well, you kind of got right to the point as well. I’m not sure your guided meditation would be a bestseller though, it’s a bit jarring.

Metatron: Here, here. We’re on the same wavelength then. It’s time in the earth zone and beyond to get the picture. It’s time to see that what appears to be in opposition to one another, in a dual of duality, is actually a part of the same whole. Contrast was needed for consciousness to go deeper into itself.

Raphael: This feels so true to me, Metatron. Are you saying that we’ve made up ideas of what tranquility should look and feel like that are based in a picture of love and fear being in opposition to each other, when they are in fact, not?

Metatron: Precisely, if I could use that word…

Raphael: This has felt like my truth for a long time now as well. I’m ready to accept this as a ‘working hypotheses’, if you will for our task at hand of approaching the Demiurge. I’d like to pause a moment to see if anyone here today doesn’t agree, or has questions. This one feels important to grasp, to align ourselves around, and to not presume an alignment if it isn’t real. So let me ask, if anyone feels differently or has questions.

Merlin: This feels true. It has felt so true for a long time, and has waited to blossom into this now.

Martin: Unlike you, Merlin, I feel like I’m really seeing this for the first time. I saw the Catholic Church hierarchy as the enemy of God, and protested like my life depended on it. Now, I’m seeing that I led a movement that was born out of my own resistance to my own inner darkness. This is so expansive to feel. I was actually afraid of my own inner darkness and was projecting it onto a made up enemy at hand. I mean, that wasn’t that hard actually, for all the crap they were pulling, but wow, it was actually myself that I was actually fighting with. My God, what a mess! There’s whole movements of people named after me, all on board with this same imagined war with self, in the name of battling for God, or battling for the light. The light doesn’t need any warriors, or even workers for that matter, even. This changes pretty much everything, for me.

Raphael: Wow, it feels good feeling you feel all of that, Martin. Thank you for feeling it all. It lets a whole bunch of us fly lighter and freer. Who else?

Arthur: I believe you call this Cosmology, this picture of what is. I too, must make changes to my picture, and I want to, and more than that, I need to. Camelot failed and came to ruins from such great heights. Our loyalty, and camaraderie was based on fighting for the good. It seemed to have made total sense at the time. It took us places and into adventures that I wouldn’t trade for the world. It also, however, came to an end. This puzzled me greatly, and even brought my heart a pain so great, I just came to accept that I might not ever recover from. As I have been so welcomed here to be a part of this round table, I feel my heart trusting again that a place for loyalty, and even a sense of duty, can arise again, but it is a loyalty and a duty to self first, rather than other.

Like Martin, I’m finding this so, expansive, and what’s the words, Andy?… ‘mind blowing’ is about right. It was our picture that faded. It was not wrongs that needed to be righted, but instead the direction of our service to others that needed to begin inside, to and from aspects of our very selves we were fighting, thinking we were being of service to God and Man. I chuckle now at the mess of it all. No wonder it came to an end. More than anything, my heart rejoices at the dawning call to service once again, but inside of a new picture. Women’s and men’s hearts get to ride again, and I shall be most rewarded to again join that ride.

Raphael: Whoah…, Arthur, that changes about a million timelines and hearts, you being willing to feel and heal all of that.

Arthur: And the idea we had of the grail quest…. everyone to this day asking, ‘what was the holy grail?’

Raphael: Yes, please, say more.

Arthur: The holy grail was whatever it needed to be at the time to rally hearts and souls to great purpose, great discovery, true greatness. The grail quest today is the inward journey, and that alone is the path to the true greatness that we already are, and that we wish to embody. That’s what I hear you saying now, and my heart is so revived. I figured this life was nearing complete for me. Now, I’m not so sure.

Raphael: Yes, please take that unsurety and check in for another great quest, Arthur. I so want to learn from what you led, and so do the rest of us here. Your legend lives on, not because you were right, but because you lived from your heart, like you are still doing, and never stopped doing. This is what drew the hearts of men and women, and stirs my heart deeply in this moment. It’s all still here. Nothing that actually matters is ‘in ruins’, Arthur. The old has simply entered death and rebirth to make way for the new, which we can expect to keep on happening. The grail pursuit lives on. Camelot lives on. You live on, in my heart, and the hearts of many.

Arthur: Thank you.

Raphael: Ahhhh, yes, yes, and yes. My goodness, what a day of reconciliation. Who else, if you can find presence of mind to string words together?

Animalea: I can find some words, I think…

Raphael: I was hoping. We could so use a feminine perspective. We were so afraid of the feminine, inside and outside, and I suspect that had so much to do with how we made duality into a bad, and even an evil thing, that then necessitated a ‘Devil’ and a ‘Demiurge’.

Animalea: This feels so true to me, Raphael. I’d like to share with you, and all of us, the story of Sophia. The story, and, Sophia herself, feels really resonant for this stage of our preparations to meet with the Demiurge, and all that we’ve been feeling together up till now.

Raphael: It feels like we’re going to need the night to get ready for that story. Could we save it for tomorrow?

Animalea: I’d like that. I’d like to prepare my heart to share it, anyway. It’s a true story, made up by consciousness itself. It’s a guide for hearts in the darkness.

Raphael: I so want you to energize this story and let it land in me, again, and us all here, and all that are joining this journal. We are about to enter a dialogue that I’m not aware of ever having occurred before.

So let’s pause and reconvene soon.

(to find this entire series to date, go here: You can find the entire series here: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs)

(To receive this series as a free ebook in pdf form, email me at soulfullhearts@gmail.com and ask to be put on the list for a free copy of ‘Journal To The Demiurge’)

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You’ve Won The 2018 Three Wishes Altered Reality Lottery

Published on December 31, 2017 by Raphael Awen1 Comment

Boom

By Raphael Awen

So boom, 3 wishes, they’re yours for 2018. You won the Altered Reality Lottery, the one with the humongous billboard freeway signs.

Whatever you want, be it material, emotional, or etherical. Money, happiness, relationships, or Angelic visits, you name it.

It takes a bit of work, but you decide on 3. Turn of the clock, boom! 2018. They’re yours.

The depression is gone because you’re on full time happy. The not enough money problem is behind you and that feels relieving. And wow, this contact with Archangels is crazy magical…who’d have guessed all this was real!? You decided on a balanced approach between the material, the spiritual and the emotional, shooting for the best of all worlds.

You’re in a new reality. After the initial surprise, honeymoon, and adjusting to the new reality, settling in, you do what every being has ever done with any reality. You normalize it. You adapt to it. You don’t really want the magic to wear off, but you also need to integrate this new life somehow into what’s left of your old life.

You begin to wonder if you chose the three best things. You could have chosen a loyal mate instead of the money piece. What difference would that have made you wonder. ‘Am I lonely?’, you ask. But you really can’t tell, because your happiness never wavers now, thanks to your first wish. You never guessed there could or would be any issues around having too much money, but, wow, did that ever turn out to be more than a little naive! But, again, though, you’re emotional body has one setting now, thank God, wish number one took care of that too. No regrets now, or ever, for that matter.

You’re able to talk with the Archangels about anything and everything for as long as you want, but it doesn’t take that long actually, and it was sort of like the initial ‘wow’ of the internet wearing off. You could talk to anyone of the Archangels, anytime, about anything and it sort of run out of gas. There just aren’t really any problems anymore. You’re happy whether you speak with them all day or not at all.

You don’t really ‘happen’ upon anything like you used to, and feel happy as a result. You’re happy 24/7/365 regardless of what happens or not. You’ll be happy a year from now, and every year from now.

Your friends around you can’t relate to you as you don’t seem to have any needs, but why then do some still hang around? Good question, but you can’t get too worked up it, or about anything else for that matter. You have everything you want, though some close to you would surely guess that all is not as well as it seems in Denmark.

You have these growing feelings of wondering if you literally had life taken from you in the lottery you ‘won’, but it’s super hard to tell, again, because there’s only one damn setting on the emotional dial. You’re stuck on fucking happy!

And all of a sudden, you wake up and realize, it was all a dream. ‘Thank god’, you gasp, as you take in a very deep breath, ‘I was only dreaming I was happy all the time; that I never would ever again have need of anything that money could buy; and thank god, I get to smash that already broken thermostat on my emotional body!’

What a friggin’ prison that was.

You get to feel the parts of you that have needs. You get to feel the parts of you that have wants. You get to be unhappy along with the very unhappy parts of you in order to to feel and move what they feel as they are feeling it. You get to walk out and live your real life, one self loving step at a time. You realize the life you are in now is the real one you really chose, the one in which you get to make and evaluate new choices, feeling everything as you go.

Welcome to the real 2018!

I’ll meet you there… 🙂

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