Divine Mother / Divine Feminine – Page 3 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Moving From Denial To Conscious Choice: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 12, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

Jillian: Hello Mother, I haven’t talked with you in a while, at least here in public.

Divine Mother: No and I’ve missed it, Jillian.

J: Me too. What have you missed?

DM: There is an intimacy and an immediacy to this medium for me that I enjoy very much. This is why I feel that the internet is the great equalizer and connector…until the technology behind it collapses, that is.

J: That’s what was in my heart to talk to you about today, Mother. I have been feeling quite strongly for a few years now how we are currently in a phase of the collapse of the systems that the false self has created: economic, political, social, religious, environmental, etc. These systems were necessary and yet, also, they need to collapse to rebirth a new way that is based on authenticity, love, and the sacred human self.

DM: Well said, Jillian. You feel conceptually and contextually in a beautiful way that can be of service to those who want it. Many souls are waking up to the reality of the collapses that are happening in so many areas, especially those who have already been personally impacted by them. It is easy to get overly immersed in content though….researching WHAT is happening to the cost of not feeling WHY it is happening.

J: I think many people feel why it is happening yet don’t recognize the false self aspect of themselves or that the development of the false self has been a necessary phase of evolution in the human species, as you have offered to us. As a reference, you and I talked about the false self development in this post if people want to read it.

DM: As you and Wayne offered in your talk to others about this topic a few weeks ago, denial is the fuel of the false self to keep the current systems in place.

J: Yes, we feel that denial has a strong currency in the world and that it is used to obscure the ‘facts’ from being presented, to slow practical action from being taken, to numb feelings of unhappiness that would lead to authentic desire expressing. We feel that it comes from the wounded sense of a separate self. A self that feels separate from you, from others, from an authentic core inside needs denial to keep its current world intact. We felt there are four main areas of denial shaping the world that we live in: military/industrial/economic which denies the integrated self; religious structures which deny our sacred humanity and birthright to experience direct connection with the Divine; the New Age love and light picture that denies death as a path to rebirth; and our birth family and social conditioning which deny our true emotional needs and authentic expression.

DM: That is a wonderful delineation of denial, Jillian. And what would you offer is the path to heal denial into awakening consciousness?

J: We offer through SoulFullHeart that connecting with parts of ourselves or subpersonalities in an emotionally conscious way leads to awakening in all areas of our lives. This is an internal process, yet it changes how we see and feel the external world. Also, healing our soul wounds that block connection to Divine source through connecting with our Daemon or soul guardian consciousness allows us to feel our sacred humanity as a reflection of being your children. In SoulFullHeart, we offer a path of de-conditioning from birth family and social conditioning that arises out of connecting with parts of ourselves and feeling what they advocate for in terms of connection or taking space. And, SoulFullHeart offers that it is feeling our pain and embracing our shadow, accepting the natural cycles of death and letting go that allow for rebirth.

DM: When you are in denial of a necessary change or death, you can only be a victim to it when it inevitably happens. If you can feel and then choose, that makes all the difference in how you experience the change.

J: Can you say more?

DM: When you ‘let something happen to you’ you are dis-empowered and all you can do is respond. Sometimes, this is the necessary and surrendered path. However, many people live from this default state at all times. They are in denial of and resistant to the changes that they NEED to make in their lives and so they can only experience changes that happen as traumatic and not digestable because of it. They can eventually accept and adapt to these changes, yet it is very different to make these changes from a conscious place that is feeling all there is to feel before, during, and after.

J: This is what we feel the sacred human self can do as it is differentiated from the false self and other parts. It can make the space for this digestion and choosing process.

DM: Yes, which is what you are currently holding as you digest and choose to move to Mexico in October.

J: I would describe my digestion process around that since we first felt the call to do it a few weeks ago as an up and down, ebb and flow process. There have been moments of real excitement and anticipation then moments of fear and anxiety contraction. The contractions don’t stop the momentum around practical planning for the trip, but I do make space to feel what is going on rather than powering through them. I don’t deny that they are there.

DM: This is an important point. If you make the conscious choice to make a change, then you can hold and respond to it – similar to the way a pregnant woman responds and holds both the positive and difficult changes that are happening in her body as the baby grows inside of her. The pregnant woman knows that something is dying (her previous life before she had children or her body as it was before it was pregnant) and yet also that something will be born out of the dying. This is the process of labor: the contractions that cause pain produce life.

J: I would say the human species is going through more dying than birth labor right now. As Wayne says, it really feels like a hospice phase. Or as part of my Daemon named Dys would say, ‘It is an ash in the air time.’

DM: Ash in the air, yes. And toxins in the water. And poisons in the food. It is a great phase of dying of that which can no longer be sustained.

J: I feel the heaviness of this time we are in, Mother. I feel this deep sense of death and loss that is coming. It is hanging over me at all times even as I feel joy in the moment. It actually brings more poignancy to the moment to feel what is coming, similar to how some dying people feel about their lives after they receive their diagnosis.

DM: Continue to feel the heaviness and the joy both, Jillian. There is sacredness in both. Sacredness to the process of death, labor, and birthing. You are living in a highly sacred time.

J: And a highly scary one.

DM: Yes, it can be scary for parts of you to feel the changes coming. Yet, as you said, feeling this fear and not denying it is the key. Can you imagine how much power and love would be accessible if world leaders could just say, “I am afraid” and feel and share their fears rather than unfeelingly ordering yet another wave of drone strikes or ground troop attacks?

J: Wow, yes, I feel how powerful that would be. The fears that they are trying so hard to deny by taking violent actions would be able to be surfaced and felt which would actually give them access to more authentic power inside of them. I imagine that their choices would be much different. One thing that I feel fear about is that the men who we placed authority on to have their fingers on the buttons that lead to mass destruction make decisions from their unfelt fears, pain, and congestion. These are the people that we declare our leaders in a time such as this?

DM: They are a reflection of the systems that they are going to help collapse. Those with awakened heart and soul consciousness will be called upon to lead and serve when the great birth labor phase arises out of the ashes. Yes, people like you and Wayne.

J: It has been difficult for our message to be received now, before this collapse. It’s like we are invisible in a big way and what we are trying to bring can’t penetrate the layers of denial.

DM: Yes, that is an aspect of what you are experiencing. And you have the next phase of your own journey to undertake that will draw those who are in resonance.

J: That’s what it feels like to me. Mother, I wanted to ask you: What would you guide someone to do who feels the collapses that are happening?

DM: Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

J: Thank you, Mother. I think we’ll complete on that note for today.

DM: Yes, ok, feels as if we have more conversations to have about this in public, yes?

J: Yes, I was feeling that too and I am very open to that. Just as Wayne is open to Yeshua’s guidance and connection during this phase of transition for us and the world.

DM: Good. I look forward to that.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

Conversation With Divine Mother: Creating A Healing God And Goddess Experience

Published on April 10, 2014April 10, 2014 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

Wounded people create a God who wounds them. Healing people create a God who heals them. Even if I do not exist as a “Divine Mother” presence and you cannot prove that I do actually……I exist as an offering from your healing and joyful heart to others. You have created me out of your desire to experience a very different God and Goddess energy from that which you have known for many lifetimes.

Jillian: Hello, Divine Mother..I’d like to connect with you this morning.

Divine Mother: Jillian! Yes…hello.

Jillian: I haven’t connected with you directly in a little while and not on this blog for awhile either after we completed our 60 days together. It’s not so much that I miss you since I feel you around me all the time…it’s that I just enjoy feeling you in this direct form and way through shared conversation.

DM: I enjoy it as well, my daughter. And, yes, I am with you always….in the trees, in the creek rushing by your home, in the birds you hear outside right now, in your love with Wayne, in your orgasms, in your workouts at the gym.

J: I find the feeling of that comforting, even as I get that could feel really invasive to some people. Parts of them would feel like they had no escape or privacy from you!

DM: I am their mother….their divine mama if you will. They were not meant to have space from me. That doesn’t mean that I want to own or control any of you. I do not have those desires in my heart. Yet, I am invested in you all and I am present to you all.

J: Your investment and presence without need to control or own is a difficult thing to let in. The god of mainstream religions is so punishing and critical…judging if someone is a sinner or not; going to heaven or not; saved or not. It’s hard for me to talk about because I feel so far removed from that kind of god, especially since feeling you the way that I do.

DM: Parts of people, their false self especially, need a god like that because it reflects how they feel about themselves; it reflects what they have known as love and connection. We can’t change people’s experience of God until they start to heal their own heart and soul.

J: It feels like you are emphasizing emotional healing even over connecting with you.

DM: Without emotional healing, people cannot connect with me.

J: At all?

DM: A bit….even through the filter of Catholicism, connection with me comes through the energy and face of Mary. Yet, it is still a packaged and controlled presentation of me managed by the corrupt and irrelevant organization of the Church. A trickle of my love comes through, but it is so much less than what is possible!

J: For many people, a trickle of Divine love is more than they can even let in…again, because of what you mentioned around soul and heart wounding. I feel sad when I feel that and a well of compassion in my heart for how the human species is in so much suffering right now, so much of it tied to our heart congestion that blocks your love and our own self love.

DM: Feel your compassion, Jillian, and your sadness….it is important going forward.

J: I’d like to talk about this in our videoblog series today.

DM: Oh, yes, I would like that! I love your videos. It is a more intimate experience of your and Wayne’s energy. And sharing mine with others as well through that medium is nourishing for me.

J: I feel like you have one of your messages for humankind brewing today.

DM: Yes….your heart is happy today and therefore receptive to delivering it without transcending any of your own emotional process.

J: My heart is happy…I’m in joy over my life right now even with the unknowns about money earning, SoulFullHeart providing for us, etc. I’m in joy over the love I experience with Wayne on almost a moment by moment basis. I’m in joy over those I have the honor of serving, feeling their parts, serving them to heal and claim their bigness, becoming who they were meant to be. I’ve earned this joy through the tears I was willing to feel. The things I was willing to give up that were causing unreasonable suffering.

DM: I am in joy to feel your joy, Jillian. And, yes, you earned it through feeling your tears and your pain and giving up anything false that didn’t serve you any longer. It is difficult to have people understand this, isn’t it? They feel your joy and are almost resistant to it? Or they devalue it in some way?

J: I think it’s that their false self is suspicious of it. The false self doesn’t trust joy or goodness or love because they haven’t experienced that it lasts or that they can trust it. Their suspicion is understandable. Also, authentic joy doesn’t hold any value in our culture……it’s an unrecognizable currency.

DM: Yet, this can make for loneliness at times for you and for Wayne?

J: Yes, it has at times. I’m not feeling that now, but I have in the past….especially for parts of me.

DM: Being authentically joyful in a world that is in so much suffering is a beacon, Jillian. Authentic joy that has been earned through feeling the pain in your heart will shine the way for others…provides a light for them to navigate their own tears, their own difficult choices, their own parts.

J: Thank you for offering that, Mother. I don’t want to dim or devalue my joy or any other aspects of my emotional reality.

DM: Being a beacon means that you will draw suspicion and resistance at times…yet you will also draw those who are ready and wanting of what you have to offer.

J: Yes, I have experienced some of both. The resistance doesn’t hurt as much as it once did. I still feel a charge inside of me when I feel it and I want to feel that more with the part or parts of me who feel that. But it doesn’t take up as much energy as it used it.

DM: I can feel that as well inside of you. Perhaps you are not taking it as personally now and feeling more how drawing resistance from someone is not really about you but about their resistance to love that was already inside of them?

J: I do feel that and I understand it because that was true for me in so many ways. For example, part of me held an ideal around romantic love for which I experienced some authentic frequencies with Chris, my first husband. Yet, it was really unknown for me and therefore parts of me resisted experiencing the kind of love that I transact with Wayne….until I had healed enough to be able to be with it.

DM: This is such an important point. I would like to share this more in our vlog today.

J: It’s somehow endearing to hear you say “vlog”….such a modern word!

DM: I am a modern goddess!:) My language matches the times, matches the person who is connecting with me, matches the energy that they most need to feel.

J: This is something I’ve taught about you, but it still amazes me to feel it for myself. Someone could say I was just talking with a part of me and that’s why you feel and sound like me.

DM: So what if I am a part of you? I’m a part of you that offers you real love, guidance, support, investment, and constant presence. That’s a valuable part to feel, no?

J: Yes! Good point!

DM: As we said already, wounded people create a God who wounds them. Healing people create a God who heals them. Even if I do not exist as a “Divine Mother” presence and you cannot prove that I do actually……I exist as an offering from your healing and joyful heart to others. You have created me out of your desire to experience a very different God and Goddess energy from that which you have known for many lifetimes.

J: Feels odd for me to let in that I created you.

DM: Everyone creates their own God experience, Jillian. That’s how personal it is, even though they act like it is not personal at all and is held by someone else or the church or a pastor or a priest.

J: Woah…Mother, this feels big to let in. I feel my heart and soul perk up around it.

DM: People make themselves powerless before a God that they claim they didn’t create and that they let someone else create for them. They also make themselves powerless in relationship to healing themselves because they falsely believe that they are stuck with whatever they emotionally experience about their lives. You are offering a way of life with SoulFullHeart that allows them to find their power again, create and discover their own relationship with God, and their own emotions.

J: Yes, that is exactly what we offer…and without having power over them ourselves.

DM: This is key because it would not work without that being true.

J: Thank you, Mother, for this conversation. I’m not totally tracking mentally right now why it feels so important but I can feel it move through my heart and soul as important.

DM: Good…let it move. And let me move through you today in your vlog.

J: Yes, I will, for sure.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 30 – Self-Authority: Authoring Your Own Story

Published on December 21, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

90 Days With My Parts: Day 30-

This is a sovereign, self-loving choice. It is negotiated with your needs, my needs, and the needs of my other parts. This is the backbone of SoulFullHeart. It may be a day, a week, or a month. That is a real-time decision made between us. The only permission we need is our own self-permission, in which arises our own self-authority.

Christopher: Good morning, Mother.

Mother: Blessed morning, dearest Christopher. What is in your heart this morning?

C: Well, I was lying in bed and getting an irritation about this blog. I checked in with my parts, specifically Simon and Nathaniel, and they are feeling a bit torn on this blog in the moment. I offered what you mentioned to Simon about taking some time off and they seemed to like that idea.

M: Okay. What is behind that? I guess my question is why are you telling me this?

C: I can feel a part of me asking for permission, looking for an okay.

M: Mmm. I see. I am going to let you handle this one dearest Christopher. They need to hear it from you. You are the SFH self not me, my son. I feel you already know my answer.

C: You are right. Thank you for reflecting that back to me.

M: That is one of the ways I serve.

C: I am getting that. Okay…good morning, Simon.

Simon: Morning, Christopher.

C: I was feeling all of our desire to postpone the blog. Why do you feel the desire?

S: I guess I just want to journal with you without the feeling it is being published. It is hard for me to get totally vulnerable with you knowing that. Plus I don’t feel as close to you when we type it as when we write it. I can also feel like this is another task.

C: I have felt this in you for a while. You talked to Mother about this. Do you remember what she said?

S: She said the most important thing was me and my needs.

C: We felt that a postponement was a negotiation, right?

S: Yes, we did.

C: That takes in consideration your needs, as well as Nathaniel’s.

S: Yes.

C: But I feel something in you that is struggling with that desire.

S: I can feel that I don’t want to disappoint Jillian, Wayne, and Kathleen. When I say that I can feel how that is just an old way I would have felt this. I know that they would be behind this 100%. They would support us even if we decided not to do it anymore. They would just want to feel what was behind the decision. The feeling. No judgment, just data.

C: Yes, exactly. This is a sovereign, self-loving choice. It is negotiated with your needs, my needs, and the needs of my other parts. This is the backbone of SoulFullHeart. It may be a day, a week, or a month. That is a real-time decision made between us. The only permission we need is our own self-permission, in which arises our own self-authority.

S: I noticed the word ‘author’ in authority.

C: Yeah! Good catch. We get to author our own story, not someone else.

S: That is way cool. We pulled a Wayne and Yeshua!

C: I think we did, buddy. How does that help you feel about taking some time off?

S: I feel lighter about it.

C: I feel that already in my body. Anything else before I talk to Nathaniel?

S: I don’t think so.

C: Okay. We will talk later. Good morning, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel: Good morning, Christopher.

C: What were you feeling about this decision?

N: I was feeling the need to be a little less outed. I was feeling a need to connect with you privately as well. We have just gotten to know each other and this feels a little less personal to me. I understand the power of this container, and would like to participate in it when I feel a bit more connected to you. I was feeling a little “dog and pony” about it.

C: Hmmm. Yeah. There might some of that in there. I felt that we were authentic though, for the most part.

N: Oh, yes. We certainly were. My words were true to my heart as were yours. It was just an image that came to me. I want to feel a deeper desire to share. One that comes with more time with you privately.

C: Okay. That is what we felt together this morning.

N: I am grateful for the times with Mother and I hope that others can feel how we all have that connection, not just a select few. It is a connection that I want to share, but also want to have privately as well.

C: Yes. Well said. I feel we can share whatever experiences you wish to share after some time.

N: I like that idea. Thank you, Christopher. I feel your leadership in this decision. You will make a great king someday.

C: Wow. Thank you, Nathaniel. That is really amazing to hear. And you will be my wise guide.

N: I would like that.

Mother: Before you end, Christopher, what is your part in this decision?

C: I was noticing that their feelings are my feelings. I need to advocate for myself. Even though I have changed, and am changing, because of this blog, that doesn’t mean I won’t stop changing. I am not going to stop journaling. I have enjoyed sharing myself, but I also wonder where it is landing. My parts are becoming suspect as well. I know my SoulFullHeart family takes them in. I desire to continue the 90 Days because I want to for myself and because I know it is being digested by them. I feel this decision as a growth point for me.

M: Indeed, Christopher. I can feel your heart and your desire to share with the world. This is part of your purpose. You are discovering that with these blogs. You are also teaching with these as well. You are demonstrating advocacy, self-love, sovereignty, and authority. I am honoured to have been a part of it.

C: Thank you so much, Mother. That goes way in. No time in my life has 30 days done so much to help me discover who I am and what I am capable of. I want that to continue.

M: Then it shall be so.

C: Thanks to all of you who have been reading this the last 30 days. I am changed because of your heart taking it in as well. I am honoured you have been a part of it. I will pick it back up when my heart calls.

Much love and gratitude,

Christopher

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 29 – The Gift of Love

Published on December 20, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

I feel like this is the time of year that gave me an opportunity to get love anyway I could and gift giving was one of them. We were all looking to do that. Christmas was like one big unworthiness orgy. Then we could punish ourselves more for all the money we spent on alleviating our unworthiness.

Day 29

Christopher: Hello, everyone. I felt drawn to address all of you this afternoon. Another roundtable team meeting.

SImon: Is this like a staff meeting, cuz if it is I’m outta here? I had enough of those teaching.

C: No Simon. I just wanted to feel all my parts around this time of year. I was moved by Jillian’s blog today and wanted to feel some triggers and joy around the holidays. I am glad you spoke up, Simon. I have felt some annoyance with the holidays. Would you care to share?

S: I tend to get wrapped up in the gift thing. Ha! That was funny. Get it?

C: Yes, Simon. That was good. What about the gift thing?

S: I guess I have always been stressed around getting someone a gift they like. I feel like I have an image around it. Did I “hit a home run”? Do they feel I am a good gift finder? Did I get them enough? Am I being balanced? Did I spend enough? Oh, for God’s sakes what is wrong with me? These are people that love me and just want me for me, not for what I give them for a gift. I used to fucking hate this! Looking for acceptance by gift giving. I feel I used to rail against it as commercialism, which is still true, but it was a truth in service to the stress of feeling my own pressure.

C: Wow, Simon. Right on, man. I feel some juice in this. I feel I fused with you a bit around this and should have done more checking with you before going out. Did you feel that this year?

S: Not as much. I enjoyed going out with Kathleen and Raianna. It is just this old shit that followed me around. Feels like the dregs of an old punishing voice.

C: That was intuitive, Simon. What would you like to say to this voice?

S: Leave me the fuck alone! I am not a part of the old conditioning anymore. I have a family that loves me for me and I don’t need to impress any of them to be given love.

C: Amen, brother! Can we still love this voice though? This voice feels like it was there to make sure you got love, Simon, the only way it knew how.

S: Yeah, I can feel that. I’m sorry. It is true. Had I had SoulFullHeart at that time I would have been able to feel that part of me. A part of a part. Is this possible?

C: I haven’t the faintest clue. It feels like as I am growing more, you are as well. Leaving some old things behind. Getting separation from the old life. Feels like it could be Marcus. Is that you, Marcus?

Marcus: Hi, Christopher.

C: It has been a while, Marcus. What is going on, my friend?

M: I feel like this is the time of year that gave me an opportunity to get love anyway I could and gift giving was one of them. We were all looking to do that. Christmas was like one big unworthiness orgy. Then we could punish ourselves more for all the money we spent on alleviating our unworthiness.

C: What would you have liked Christmas to be like, Marcus?

M: I guess just to have people get together and share our love for each other. Eat good food, tell stories, play games, watch movies, and maybe exchange a gift or two, nothing fancy.

C: That sounds like a SoulFullHeart Christmas to me.

M: Yeah, I guess it does. I feel like I was projecting some old family conditioning when we were shopping. I am sorry, Simon.

S: Thanks, Marcus. I am sorry I said leave me the fuck alone. That was just backed up frustration of all those years.

M: I get it. Believe me. Thank you, Simon. There is a better way to hold gift giving and that should be done by Christopher.

S: Agreed!

C: I should have held that more and I apologize as well. I feel that gifts are from the heart and if we are not in our hearts then the gift is just a false token of love. We are energetically passing on unworthiness and that is held in the gift itself. If we really looked with our heart-eyes, we would see everyone handing each other piles of shit and saying thank you for it. That is not what the holidays are about. How do you feel about this, Nathaniel?

Nathaniel: I couldn’t have said it better myself. I have always been irritated by this Christmas thing. The false social structure, the false religious foundation, the false relationship to the Divine. It is maddening to really let it in. But I appreciate the way you are bringing this, Christopher. The way SoulFullHeart holds this time of year. Your magical children set the tone of this season and let it be what it truly is.

C: And that is?

N: About joy, magic, peace, and love.

C: You sound like a hippie.

N: Right on, man.

C: Now THAT was funny! Good to feel your sense of humour after what you said.

N: I am getting that without some light, this world would be way too dark. Even a daemon needs balance.

C: Amen. How about you, Angela. How are the holidays for you?

Angela: It is about singing, and dancing, and being creative. I like making gifts! So much funner.

C: We had some fun today creating, didn’t we?

A: Yes, we did. I can’t wait to show everyone!

C: Me too, Angela. And of course I can’t forget you Peter!

Peter: Christmas is about snow!!!! That was soooo coool! I want to play in it again! Can we? Can we?

C: Of course! If it sticks around. What else is Christmas about?

P: Cookies! Lots and lots of cookies!

C: Hahaha! Okay, we will make cookies.

P: It is also about being nice to people and not being so serious. Too many grumpy bunnies out there. I don’t like that.

C: I feel we can all agree on that. Thanks for reminding us Peter about having fun.

P: You’re welcome, Santa Christopoopoo.

C: I love you, Peter.

P: I love you too, silly.

C: Merry Christmas everyone. Let’s go have some fun.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 28 – Fear Of Real Love

Published on December 19, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

Love can bring up a lot of difficult feelings we have about ourselves. There is a worthiness we must feel to let in real love. You may still feel you don’t deserve it on some level. Your experiences have conditioned you to believe so. To open up to love is to open up to our deepest pain about ourselves.

Day 28

Christopher: Good morning, Simon.

Simon: Morning, Christopher.

C: I wanted to talk to you about my relationship with Kathleen and how you are impacted.

S: ‘Impacted’ sounds like a car crash.

C: Okay. Affected then.

S: That sounds a little better.

C: What comes up when I ask that?

S: I feel like if I say something it may land in a way I didn’t intend.

C: Sounds like management.

S: Yeah. You’re right. I need to let you handle that one. Old habits.

C: This is what this is all about Simon. Healing what prevents us from giving and receiving love.

S: Okay. My leading edge enjoys having someone around for you to relate to. Someone for you to express love and feel love. I enjoy that a part of her is similar to me. Someone who gets why I am the way I am. We can be that way together sometimes and get things done. We also laugh at the same stuff and that is cool. It’s like having a good friend around to share things with and do stuff with.

C: That feels sweet, Simon. I can feel your resonance with a part of her. That feels like it affects you in a very good way.

S: Yeah it does. I feel like I can relate to someone. I have always cordoned myself off from other people because of my fear of intimacy. Like I can hang out for so long and then I need to get away to prevent getting too close.

C: What would happen if you got ‘too close’?

S: I feel like I would get exposed, become vulnerable to conflict which, as we talked about earlier, feels uncomfortable to me from my past experiences with my parents and past relationships.

C: While I feel that is true on one level, I can’t also help to feel that is in service to the fear of something deeper.

S: Like what?

C: Maybe you are afraid of love itself.

S: Hmmm. I’m confused.

C: Your experience of ‘love’ is skewed and jaded from your past experiences. You really don’t know what true love is, do you?

S: I don’t think I do, Christopher. Love has always been felt as a struggle, a responsibility. This is what I got from my parents. I can feel how that was turned upside down with Jillian, but then it found its way there again, as if what was being offered by her was too much for me to accept as real.

C: Well, don’t put that all on you, Simon. Remember, it is a two-way street, but I can feel how you were conditioned to relate to love in that way. There may be lifetimes in that conditioning. I drew Jillian, and now Kathleen, for the purpose of experiencing real love that is “upside down”, as you said, from what you experienced in order to heal that conditioning. To heal it into its right side up position.

S: That makes sense. I feel some sadness in never feeling real love transact between my parents. I can feel how I ached for that feeling. I couldn’t feel it in my friends’ parents either. It was just the way it was. I feel like I gave up on real love. Like it doesn’t exist.

C: Haven’t you felt it between Jillian and Wayne? In session with Jillian and Wayne? When Raianna was born? On your wedding day? In moments between me and Kathleen?

S: Yes, Christopher. I feel it now. Thank you. Ugh! Why is my heart so buried, Christopher? Why am I so afraid of something so beautiful and powerful?

C: Love can bring up a lot of difficult feelings we have about ourselves, Simon. There is a worthiness we must feel to let in real love. You may still feel you don’t deserve it on some level. Your experiences have conditioned you to believe so. To open up to love is to open up to our deepest pain about ourselves.

S: I want to feel that love more, Christopher.

C: I do too, Simon.

S: As you were typing, I could also feel how my need to be solo is based on feeling like I never had my own space, my own choices. I was always responding to someone or something else. When Raianna moved, I felt that it was finally my time to live life on my terms only to continue to create more relationships to others rather than myself. When you moved here, I felt like that possibility was gone. I can admit that I threw a monkey wrench in your relationship to Kathleen.

C: I feel why you did that, Simon. I was not present enough to feel you at that time.

S: I know, Christopher. I am just walking this out. I feel your desire for a mate. I feel a desire to feel real love, and that is through you that I get it. I can admit that I worry I won’t get that if you are with another person.

C: You have every reason to believe that, Simon. I have to prove myself to you each and every day that I will be here for you and give you the real love you need and deserve. I love you with all my heart and you are the most important part of me.

S: Thanks, Christopher. That goes in deep. My tears are for all the times I never felt that as a child. Thank you for helping me to remember all the other times I felt real love. It is out there. It exists. I just want more of it.

C: Then you shall receive it because you are worthy of it.

S: Still hard for me sometimes.

C: Never said it would be easy.

S: I am tired all of a sudden.

C: That was a lot, Simon. Let us rest up for Raianna’s visit so we can let in more love.

S: Okay. Sounds good.

C: I love you, Simon.

S: I love you too, Christopoopoo.

C: Seriously? In this tender moment?

S: : P

30 Days With My Parts: Day 27 – Serving the Servant

Published on December 18, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

We co-create this reality together, my love. I need you as much as you need me. I cannot be felt unless one is able to feel. I long and ache to be felt just as you do. I have needs and desires, as well. If I cannot be expressed and felt through a soul, then I will do what I can to make that so, as long as it is within the sovereign choice of the soul.

Day 27

Christopher: Hello, Mother. I feel to connect with you since I am not having any major pull to a specific part of me.

Mother: I always enjoy being with you, Christopher. How may I serve you?

C: Uh…wow. To Nathaniel that sounds weird. He is used to serving you.

M: Ah, yes. The Daemon Trap.

C: The what?

M: The Daemon Trap. I feel that daemons have been so conditioned to being servants through the world’s religions that any thought of the opposite is blasphemy. How can the Divine possibly serve the ones that are the servants?

C: He says, that doesn’t make sense.

M: My dear, Nathaniel. We co-create this reality together, my love. I need you as much as you need me. I cannot be felt unless one is able to feel. I long and ache to be felt just as you do. I have needs and desires, as well. If I cannot be expressed and felt through a soul, then I will do what I can to make that so, as long as it is within the sovereign choice of the soul. I want to serve you and Christopher in any way I can to make that happen.

Nathaniel: I can feel how over the lifetimes, I have been convinced and persecuted to believe that humans are below you. That they are meant to carry out your Will in your name.

M: What is my Will, Nathaniel?

N: To Love and be loved.

M: Was that the will of their god?

N: No. It was to judge and make sacrifices. To follow the Word without question. To be in subordination.

M: So that is the trap, Nathaniel. A false god trap. I do not blame you for succumbing to it. So much pain and fear in resisting. In fact, it may all be a part of the process.

N: And why is that?

M: This Grand Experience is rooted in getting to feel itself completely, in all its glory and terror. To separate in order to come back together with more love than before. It doesn’t make sense to the Mind, Nathaniel, but when we get to feel each other in our pain, we can feel each other in our love. It is an eternal paradox. Just like the servant being served.

N: I think I get it. I still need time to feel you as serving me and Christopher rather than the other way around.

M: We serve each other equally. We are one and and the same, Nathaniel. That will be felt as you experience me more. For now, let me serve you and Christopher in any way I can. It is the Will of My Heart.

N: Yes, Mother.

M: So? How may I serve you?

N: I am feeling a little lost in my purpose. I want to feel a call, a passion pursuit. I miss that. I feel I used to have it then it got buried.

M: I feel your desire for that, Nathaniel. You have great passion for rising up against the false system. However, I want you to remember you are a daemon sent to provide guidance. You were meant to serve Christopher through my Love. Not serve me through Christopher’s soul.

N: Whoa. You have me hanging upside down right now.

M: Good. How does it feel?

N: Strange. As soon as you said that I could feel how that was so true in the past. I took over seeing the inequities and injustices throughout the world. I wanted to do something about it. I feel I hijacked this soul.

M: I feel “hijacked” is a charged term. You did what you felt was necessary to right what you felt were wrongs. This was another part of the Daemon Trap. Getting so involved that you forgot your place in the Grand Experience. This too felt a necessary part of the separation and integration process I mentioned earlier. This has been done by many daemons all over the planet. Getting caught up in justice, power, glory, inequity, greed, so and so on.

N: I feel relieved I am not the only one.

M: Your fusion was for the compassion of those in need and suffering. There are other daemons in need and suffering. You can be a part of that healing, Nathaniel, but you need to heal yourself first. I feel a responsibility in you to make it “right”. You can’t do that on your own as we discussed before.

N: Thank you, Mother. I do feel a rumble and I want to use that to help Christopher with his purpose. I feel how my healing helps with this. Having you reframe my relationship to this soul was a big step for me. Thank you.

M: You are very welcome, my son. I can’t feel you if you can’t feel you. And my Will is to feel all my children with me in every moment.

N: And my will is to feel you as much as possible, Mother.

M: Then it shall be so.

N: Amen.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 26 – Healing Into Loving Conflict

Published on December 17, 2013December 21, 2013 by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

That is the where we can be different. I can bring a vulnerability without feeling like I am knocking down a house of cards, and respond with spine AND heart that is grounded in love, not animosity. Even if the conflict leads to hurt feelings, there is enough of us to own that and heal that together. This is a whole new way of experiencing conflict.

Day 26-

Christopher: Good morning, Simon.

Simon: Morning, Christopher.

C: Since I am exploring a relationship again, I wanted to talk about vulnerability and conflict, as those were difficult to access the last time we were in one.

S: Don’t you have to go Christmas shopping?

C: Simon…

S: Clean the RV?

C: > : {

S: Clip your toenails?

C: Simon!

S: Ugh! I know. We are in conflict right now.

C: Why is that?

S: I am avoiding the discussion. Sorry. I feel how this is important for us to have even though I feel like I have been here many times.

C: Why do you feel it is important?

S: Because conflict is important to our growth, especially me. It has been a lifelong struggle. Maybe even these past lives you talk about.

C: What is the struggle about?

S: Being vulnerable with a feeling and then either hurting someone’s heart or getting a defensive kick back. One leaves me feeling guilty, the other hurt.

C: Tell me more.

S: I can feel how my templating for conflict was unhealthy. My parents fought and left me feeling unsafe. I didn’t like how it felt in my body. It stayed there because they never really talked to me about it or it was never resolved between them.

C: So you learned how to diffuse conflict so you didn’t have to reactivate that feeling inside.

S: I guess so.

C: This wounding feels like Peter to me. Do you feel you are protecting him?

S: Hmmm, I suppose so. I feel how that is true.

C: Peter? Would you like to talk to me for a bit?

Peter: I guess. What about?

C: Your mommy and daddy when you were a boy.

P: What about them, Christopher?

C: How did you feel when they fought?

P: Scared. They scared me, Christopher. They yelled and broke things sometimes. I just put my head under the pillow.

C: I am so sorry, Peter. You didn’t get any comfort from them afterward, did you?

P: I don’t remember, Christopher. I just remember being scared.

C: When I get in a conflict how do you feel?

P: I get scared again. Like bad things gonna happen. I just remember what I felt like and I don’t like it.

C: Do I feel different from your mommy and daddy?

P: Yeah.

C: Do you trust that I would talk to you about it afterward?

P: I think so.

C: I pinkie swear that I will talk with you about whatever happens so you feel better about it okay, Peter?

P: Okay. I believe you, Christopoopoo.

C: Good. That makes me happy, Peter. I will take care of you my little magical man.

P: I’m not a man, silly. Geez. You need your glasses fixed.

C: Hahaha! Okay, Peter. I love you.

P: I love you too, Christopoopoo. Hehehehe!

C: : ) You still with me, Simon?

S: Yep.

C: So I feel like this will be good to help you let go of a responsibility to care take Peter.

S: I do too.

C: I want to focus on the image of conflict, seeing how you are my self-image part.

S: Okay. I feel like in a conflict I am afraid of becoming like my father. Explosive. I can feel how that would scare Peter. Then that explosiveness would scare and hurt the other and that reminds me of my mother.

C: So there is a lot going on here in the trauma in both you and Peter. Do you feel that I would get explosive and hurtful?

S: No, not in the way my father did. I feel how I still hold a lot of anger toward both of them in the way they held themselves in conflict. There is just no healthy template.

C: What about Wayne and Jillian?

S: Yeah. That was good to be a part of. I could still feel some Peter fear that I was holding onto that was coming from a mom and dad projection. But feeling how Wayne still held love in his heart and Jillian not crumbling helped to feel how it can be different from my past experience.

C: Yes. That is the where we can be different. I can bring a vulnerability without feeling like I am knocking down a house of cards, and respond with spine AND heart that is grounded in love, not animosity. Even if the conflict leads to hurt feelings, there is enough of us to own that and heal that together. This is a whole new way of experiencing conflict.

S: I’ll say. I never felt the love in conflict before.

C: No you haven’t. At least not until Jillian and Wayne. It’s is going to mean you leaning into me, Simon, and trusting I can handle it. I can feel how you are eager to heal that fear so you can be more relational, less hidden.

S: Yeah. I do feel tired of sticking my head in the sand.

C: I feel like we just scratched the surface on this. I would like to continue this later with you. I want to spend time with Kathleen. Is that okay with you?

S: Yeah. I would like to get into this more as well.

C: Really? Don’t you have some budgeting to do?

S: Christopher….

C: Dishes to wash?

S: > : {

C: Errands to run?

S: Wise ass.

C: Love you…

S: : / Love you, too…

30 Days With My Parts: Day 25 – Practically Sacred

Published on December 15, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

We are discussing a pretty typical experience that people have on a daily basis, but we are feeling it, digesting it, reflecting on it, learning from it. Who does that when buying a vehicle? It is usually filled with anxiety, stress, control, frustration, reservation, annoyance, and a plethora of other unfelt emotions that just get repressed and gets lodged into the emotional body.

Day 25

Christopher: Good morning, everyone. I am not sure who to begin with today. A big day yesterday with the purchase of an RV. Any reactions?

Angela: I like it, but it totally needs to be clean. It’s a little gross in areas.

C: Yeah, it does need cleaning for sure. Kathleen is excited to begin.

A: So glad she is going to put a woman’s touch in it.

C: You can advocate for your needs too, Angela. You are not the only woman in the house.

A: Awww…thank you, Christopher. I was hoping you would say that.

C: I have been meaning to talk to you about how you are feeling about me and Kathleen.

A: I love it, Christopher. I feels good to have sister-type around.

C: I can feel that. It is important to me that we have our time too, Angela. We really just started to get to know each other.

A: Yeah, I would like to keep talking with you. And Simon. You both mean so much to me.

C: You mean a ton to me, Angela. I will be looking to you for a woman’s perspective and advice.

A: Really? I would like that. : )

C: Any advice to give me now?

A: I guess it would be to be honest with her. No hiding this time. She is stronger than a part of you thought she was at one point.

C: Yes. I am aware of that now.

A: Also, a woman likes it when you stand your ground for what you feel in your heart even if it is not what they are feeling is true for them in the moment.

C: That is the part I had struggled with. So easy for a part of me to capitulate to the mom projection.

A: You are a man now, Christopher. A man with a huge heart and a growing spine. Use ‘em both.

C: Okay, Angela. You are going to be a big part of my new life. I can tell.

A: I would like that, Christopher.

C: I felt your leading edge just now. We also have a trailing edge and I can feel yours around men in past lives.

A: Yeah. I would like to speak to Jillian and Kathleen about those and not talk about them here.

C: I understand. To be felt by another woman or women feels crucial.

A: Thanks for understanding, Christopher.

C: Of course, Angela. Anything else you wanted to talk about?

A: No not really. I want to dance again with you. That was fun.

C: Yes, it was. Simon was a little embarrassed but I could feel him get into it.

A: Totally. He liked it despite himself. I’ll work on him. ; )

C: Lol! I know you will. I feel I am going to check in with him, too, this morning.

A: Okay. Thanks for talking with me.

C: Thank you for your heart, Angela. I am so honoured that you are a part of me.

A: Swoon!

C: Love you, Angela.

A: I love you too, my king.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Christopher: Good morning, Simon. How are you feeling about yesterday?

Simon: I’m okay. Glad we made it home without getting pulled over for the headlights.

C: Yeah. I could feel that stress in you.

S: I appreciate you holding that and feeling me in it as you were driving.

C: You are welcome, Simon. These little details can create bigger problems, but nothing that we can’t deal with as they arise.

S: I like feeling it that way. I REALLY appreciated Wayne being there yesterday too. Wow. I feel a little guilty saying that as if I couldn’t have trusted you to handle the details.

C: I understand why you are so grateful. While I we certainly could have dealt with all that ourselves, there is a comfort in having someone else to bounce ideas off of, and just have around as emotional support.

S: Yeah. I felt so much more at ease having both Wayne and Kathleen there. It felt good to feel Kathleen in her vision of the inside amidst all the crap inside. That was pretty cool she could do that.

C: It felt important for all of us to be in agreement in our hearts. I just got how SoulFullHeart is so unique in that every experience we have, whether spiritual or practical, are all sacred and calls us to feel ourselves in every moment, not just when we journal or have a session.

S: You just now got that?

C: Well, no. I guess it just landed a little deeper as I am typing this out. We are discussing a pretty typical experience that people have on a daily basis, but we are feeling it, digesting it, reflecting on it, learning from it. Who does that when buying a vehicle? It is usually filled with anxiety, stress, control, frustration, reservation, annoyance, and a plethora of other unfelt emotions that just get repressed and gets lodged into the emotional body.

S: Are you still talking to me?

C: I thought I was. You didn’t have that experience?

S: I guess I wasn’t conscious of it. I was too busy stressing. However, now that you are talking about it, it was different for me. I could feel stress but that stress was being held and outed by you and therefore gave it air. That helped me to relax which made the day go by without that pent up energy I usually get. So, yeah, as a part I get what you are saying. That is totally cool.

C: I’m glad you felt that.

S: Me too. Is this journal worth publishing? It doesn’t feel deep enough.

C: They are all worth publishing, Simon. They all have worth to me and you and that is priceless. I don’t need anyone to “like” it. I do. Our SoulFullHeart family does If it goes into someone else then that is awesome, but not required.

S: Okay. Good enough for me. I guess that is still an old image thing. Letting it go.

C: I like it.

S: Me too.

C: Let’s go get something to eat, shall we?

S: Starving.

C: Actually, we’re thriving with love.

S: That’s a whole new blog, let’s eat.

C: Fair enough.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 24 – Coming Out Is Going In

Published on December 13, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

Day 24

There have been lives where I have tried to bring the divine feminine into the church and was ridiculed and excommunicated for it. I have also experienced the other side, in being persecuted for just being female. The “old ways” were a threat to the ruling church order. I can feel other lifetimes of going against the grain that ended in pain. I feel I succumbed to the adage “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”.

Christopher: Good morning, Nathaniel. After Jillian’s blog yesterday, I realized we haven’t spoken in a while. Are you up for it?

Nathaniel: Yes, I would. Been a little lonely lately.

C: I am sorry, Nathaniel. So many changes happening lately.

N: Yes, there are. A new romance. It feels good to feel your heart in that space. You have much love for her.

C: Thanks, Nathaniel. That feels good to hear that from you. Yes, I do.

N: It is good to feel someone with a daemon as well. Your past relationships did not have that consciousness.

C: No, they didn’t. I was not conscious myself. Even when we did first connect, a part of me wasn’t permitting me to embody the reality of you. Now that is far from the case.

N: I can feel how I may have been partly the cause of the lack of permission. I can feel the desire of wanting to stay off the radar. Incognito, as Wayne and Yeshua put it.

C: I know we have been through a bit of the reasons together, but would you mind sharing with the readers. This would be the opposite of incognito.

N: I feel like I would, Christopher. I would like to have a purpose other than guarding, as I mentioned in another conversation. Talking about myself may help others like me realize they are not alone.

C: That would be incredible, Nathaniel.

N: There have been lives where I have tried to bring the divine feminine into the church and was ridiculed and excommunicated for it. I have also experienced the other side, in being persecuted for just being female. The “old ways” were a threat to the ruling church order. I can feel other lifetimes of going against the grain that ended in pain. I feel I succumbed to the adage “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”.

C: Incoginito.

N: Yeah. Stay hidden. Protect the feminine. Which really turned into care-take the feminine.

C: What do you want this life, Nathaniel?

N: I know I do not want to stay hidden any longer. I want to feel my connection to the Divine again. I used to want to go back home, but now that you are among other daemons, I feel more at home. I don’t know if I want to project myself out to the world at this moment, that feels a bit vulnerable, but I guess that is what I am doing now.

C: I feel what you mean, Nathaniel.

N: I want to help in some way, Christopher. I know I mentioned having gifts and I would like to harness again. I feel I put them to the side, fearing their use would bring me, and you, more pain.

C: You may need some healing from the past to help that along.

N: Yes. I believe I do. I feel myself waning, Christopher. The thought of coming out more makes me nervous and I tend to go back into hiding.

C: I can feel that in my body right now. There is a push-pull in you. Desire and retraction which creates flatness. You said you wanted more connection with the Divine. Let’s talk to Mother.

N: Yes. I would like that.

Mother: Hello, my beloved Nathaniel. Your heart feels closed. May I sit with you?

N: Of course, Mother.

M: Just sit quietly with me and feel my heart with yours.

N: Yes, Mother.

……..(here, I play Ava Maria)

N: So much pain, Mother. I miss you so much. All those years of being hated for loving you. I am sorry I went into hiding. I feel I failed you.

M: You have NEVER failed me, my son. You have always been true to me. I do not blame you for needing to hide after all you have been through, Nathaniel.

N: You forgive me, Mother?

M: There is no forgiveness needed, Nathaniel. That is old church dogma to keep you small. You are always in a state of Grace, no forgiveness necessary. My love does not require anything but your love.

N: I love you, Mother. So much.

M: I feel that in your tears and your pain, Nathaniel. That pain you feel is my love entering you and bringing it up to be felt. I want you to feel again, Nathaniel.

N: I do too, Mother. I want to feel you again like I used to.

M: Then it shall be so. Just ask Nathaniel and we can feel each other. I have tears for you as well, Nathaniel, as I miss you as much as you miss me.

N: That is hard for me to let in sometimes.

M: I will keep reminding you.

N: Thank you so much, Mother.

M: I thank you, my beautiful son. For your courage to come out of hiding, one felt step at a time.

N: Thank you, Christopher, for feeling what I needed. The music was a stroke of genius.

C: Oh, Nathaniel. You are so very welcome. Sometimes I need a way in too. Soon the music will just be a part of our heart and it will open without help. Until then, we both need it.

N: I feel ready for the day.

C: Me too! A dose of Mother Love is better than coffee any day.

N: Amen.

C: I love you, Nathaniel.

N: And I love you too, Christopher. So much.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 23 – Presence of Heart

Published on December 12, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

Day 23

Being in presence is an experience that is outside the mind. When the mind takes its rightful place, you are free to be in flow of your essence. There is no positioning or postulating. That is the false self doing mind work that is grounded in personal wounding and social conditioning. When that is healed, you begin to feel your way in each moment. Then you are on sacred ground.

Christopher: Good morning, Mother.

Mother: Good morning, my beloved son. How are you this sacred moment?

C: That is a beautiful way of putting it…’this sacred moment’.

M: One day you will experience how all moments are sacred, this one in particular.

C: Feels like that is getting back to being in the presence of presence in the present.

M: A little philosophical, don’t you feel?

C: Yeah. Not very heart-based. Trying to be fancy.

M: There is truth in what you say, but it is only real when you feel it. Do you feel the presence of presence in the present?

C: I don’t know. If I did, I guess I would know. Or maybe I wouldn’t. I am confused now.

M: That means you are not trying too hard to ‘figure’ it out. Being in presence is an experience that is outside the mind. When the mind takes its rightful place, you are free to be in flow of your essence. There is no positioning or postulating. That is the false self doing mind work that is grounded in personal wounding and social conditioning. When that is healed, you begin to feel your way in each moment. Then you are on sacred ground.

C: Not a lot of that in the city. I could feel my heart in the beginning and then as time goes on it is hard to maintain that being surrounded by the matrix of mind that is a city.

M: That is not easy when you are in the process of deconstructing the false self which is used to the mind matrix. You begin to ‘forget’ who you are.

C: Yeah, totally. Well, I didn’t forget as much as I could feel an energetic reaction. I am glad Kathleen is getting herself out of that.

M: As am I, Christopher. I wish everyone had the emotional consciousness to ‘get out’. And by that I don’t mean physically. I mean emotionally. That may require leaving physically at some point, but just to get out of the trap they find themselves in. A self imposed exile of the heart. I can feel those that are trying to help in a big city, but they are not helping themselves and therefore just adding to the paintrix.

C: Wow! That is a good one, Mother. The Paintrix. I mean, in terms of words. Not good in regards to the emotion of it.

M: I know what you meant. It is sad, but true. The Paintrix of Mind can only be healed from the inside of each individual heart and that is a sovereign choice. One can try and help others to feel and heal, but only when it is a choice made by the soul itself. You must heal your heart in an environment that is conducive to healing.

C: …and get back to Presence of Heart.

M: Yes.

C: Thank you for that Mother. I really want to feel more Presence of Heart. This weaves in perfectly with where I originally wanted to go.

M: I took you off course again? Hmmm…

C: Lol! Yeah. I am getting used to that. You asked me how I was and that reminded me of an exchange I had with a Tibetan shop keeper around how in this North American culture we ask that question without really feeling it. And then that took me to how that is a symptom of our lack of relationality, and then I felt my own lack in that.

M: Okay. So how does that weave in with what we started about?

C: I feel like with presence of heart comes relationality. When someone asks how I am, I feel like just telling them the truth and see what happens, rather than “fine thanks, and you?”. It is more relational. They may not care, but at least I am not continuing the cycle of blah, blah, blah.

M: Sounds like a good practice to me. A part of you may have a reaction to that, so I would negotiate with him.

C: Feels like Simon has a hard time being relational. I can feel him wanting to try and be relational but it feels forced and managed. When among people the perception management kicks in and I fall into usual phrases. This a place for me to lead and feel Simon.

M: Being in the presence of heart will help you to lead that. Ask yourself what you are feeling every so often to practice this. Just be aware of yourself around others and journal with Simon about anything that triggers him. The more that you can be relational, the more that others can receive your true heart and love. And that is no small thing, my dear Christopher and Simon. Others need it, desire it, and long for it. As do you.

C: Thank you, Mother. I am letting that in. Time to go be relational.

M: I will be with you my beloved son.

C: : )

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