Tag: inner punisher

Rediscovering That Creative Heart In Us, Beyond Self Punishment

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

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When I was a teenager, creative outlets ‘saved’ me in a way… especially exploring my creativity in private, or at least as private of a setting as I could find. I was doing regular dance classes and you would think that was helpful too, yet there was something about being in a ‘class’ setting such as this, that stoked the fires of comparison to others for parts of me that I couldn’t feel directly. Perhaps if I could have, I wouldn’t have kept doing these classes, but it’s hard to say. They were helpful for many reasons and yet, they were painful too. It was more often the dancing, singing, performing that I did for invisible audiences (likely higher selves of soul family and maybe star being family and guides too at the time!) who would inevitably adore me and enjoy my performances with no cloaked judgments or making parts of me feel self-conscious, that I thoroughly enjoyed. These parts of me so needed this, growing up in this 3D reality where we are taught to judge others and ourselves for just about everything so soon in our lives, and always, it feels like, because our caregivers and teachers are overflowing with this judgement toward themselves first.

These times in my parents’ basement were so sacred… I even remember buying a headset mic that was meant for a computer, so I could wear it like a pop star! Sometimes I sang, sometimes I lip-synched instead. But it was ALL fun and most of the time, I somehow managed to free myself from self-judgment frequencies because from me to me, I had space to enjoy being with ME.

There’s something about our ways of expressing ourselves creatively that pings for me now, especially as just an hour ago I was singing my heart out a bit, for the first time in a LONG time and I have to say it felt really, REALLY good… my heart wanted to sing out in expression and love. Reconnecting with music that I used to listen and sing to many years ago. I could feel part of me feeling self-conscious, wondering if the whole complex that I live in could hear me singing… and worse yet, that they would think I was awful. And then, I also felt how in these precious moments I didn’t actually care if they did and if they judged. So both were true for me and that’s okay. It felt important to give myself permission to just BE in the music, let something roll out of my heart, have some FUN too. Give myself permission to NOT be perfect or seek perfection in any way. Just sing OUT. I feel there is so something in this for all of us, perhaps especially in this process of ascension that’s happening so quickly for so many of us and can have such intense phases physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Where did our creativity go that could carry us through and that was given to us to help life feel like MAGIC again and stoke our imaginations so we can blaze like the LOVE stars we truly are?

As our inner-punishment heals, especially through this work we call SoulFullHeart where we work with and deeply feel the parts of us who hold these frequencies, we can begin to be more in our creative magic again. This feels so important to me, because we ARE creating in every single moment as we really can’t help but do and BE this as human beings! We are creation constantly creating… we shift these frequencies of what this creativity draws when we reclaim our power and see what we’ve been drawing instead of what we actually want.

And so, I know that I hope this is only the beginning of me exploring art forms that once brought my heart out to play, though of course writing like this does that too! We are so meant to sing, to throw our heartbeams outward through dance and movement too, to let our lungs fully expel the old air and invite in the NEW. And to encourage everyone to do the same… without polish or perfection but just our human ISness that wants and aches to come out and play again, create and recreate a magical life again, love ourselves everything about us again and again and again…

❤

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Loving And Healing Our Inner Punisher To Love Life Again (and MORE!)

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

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I’ve been feeling layers of inner-punisher frequencies inside myself for years now. They come and go, seem to fade away and then come back stronger, usually when I am inhabiting more of my soul gifts and bigness. These parts, when left unfelt, can tend to throw wrenches in the newly-greased wheels of forward movement and this can express as sabotage of our jobs, our relationships, etc. As their energy wells-up inside of us it can overflow outward to others, even during times when we feel we are serving love. It’s not that there isn’t ANY love available in those moments, yet if we are offering discernments and reflections to others that come with heavy judgments too, this is  a frequency springing from judgments INside, from us to us. It can be subtle to most people, which is why the reflections from life, love and others who have been there are SO important. Once you really start recognizing and working with these frequencies inside of you though, that’s when you notice this happening and can really learn to be with it as it heals and transmutes into something new inside of you.

So what is the actual gift of connecting with these parts of us?

This layer of “punisher/shame” (shame comes up as the underbelly of this part and often has very strong frequencies too) that I’m working with right now, I was able to really feel in a session with Jelelle and Raphael yesterday. This layer represents a lot of my conditioning as a woman and also a human being, coming from my upbringing, culture and birth family. This part also represents and holds a ton of power, which is really my personal, creative and alchemical power. It is power that has been misguided in its use and purpose, choosing to fixate on what is going wrong or could go wrong, versus all of the wonders and wonderfuls that are happening at the same time and that COULD SO happen in the near “future”. This revelation came as a surprise in some ways, and yet made so much sense. Inner-punisher frequencies are powerful, yes, and play out in so many ways in our lives, yet finding a love inside of us that can love this misuse of power, forgive it and then guide it to use this power for something GOOD and love-focused, THIS is life-changing.

I have felt before how possible it is that the two most deeply transformative parts of us to connect with are the inner-punisher/critic and the magical or inner child… there is a very strong need to connect with the protector as well in order to access these frequencies fully. Yet, when it’s the phase for it, working with these two parts of us illuminates so much about us, the timelines we have subconsciously chosen and lived in so far and all of the choices we’ve made that have placed us in the life circumstances we’re in now. It truly is a journey to finding, feeling and reuniting with our purity and our astounding power, to connect with these and any other parts of us that come forward. Feeling the heaviness that comes with this package DOES open out into something so much better than we have yet imagined… or maybe we have but have had trouble really buying it as a possibility with these unfelt parts denying that there is any space for that inside of us (even though THEY want the lovely outcomes too!).

Work with these energies inside of us seems to only happen on a deeply transformative level if we can allow ourselves to be humbled by it and let in reflections from others who have been there. These energies can play out in so many subtle ways that it becomes very hard to really track it all on our own. After all, these habits and ways of being are so ingrained in many of us that it really just feels like who we ARE. I want to offer though that these frequencies are NOT us at the core of our being and with some courage, dedication and tons of love, we can move them, heal them, and become more and more of who we ARE, creating the timelines we actually want and living a life that we genuinely love. ❤

We are so here for you if you would like some help shining light on this complex matrix inside of you where your own inner-punisher is possibly living. This really CAN and WANTS to heal inside of you with some earnest love and care. Visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information about sessions with a SoulFullHeart facilitator. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.