The Loss Of Our Original Estate

By Raphael Awen

A wave of some really deep tears moved through for me yesterday.

The feelings began with some initial feelings of missing people and places from my past, but didn’t linger long there, as it seems I’ve felt so much of what needed to be felt in those domains. It was like passing through a small town, and before I knew it. I was coming out the other side.

What was on the other side was deeper feelings of a deeper missing. I could feel that I came from a Star family, and that it was connection and exchange with this family that I was missing on a deeper level.

My life here on Gaia was and is a chosen journey intended for certain benefits. The requirement however to be able to be here to complete the journey was and is however a necessary forgetting. Like an anesthetic or a freezing procedure when going to the dentist, we needed to forget our deeper identity in order to inhabit a lesser identity. We call this forgetting the veil.

Through waves of tears, I felt an ache to see and live beyond this veil. The ache felt intense, yet I could feel I was being asked to let in as much of the ache as I could comfortably bear. As I opened my third eye for a moment, I felt an entire surround of ‘alien’ beings, looking at me, curious about what I was feeling, with me likewise, curious about them. This necessary forgetfulness veil I could sense had a lot to do with us coming up with the conviction that we are the only ones out here, as well as our selection and use of the word ‘alien’, denoting others who don’t belong.

The tears filled a couple of hours and I was wanting to find the outbreath of comfort for what I was feeling. I asked for help from the middle of this cloud of ache, and the fear of not ever finding my way back home.

A deeper awareness filled me then. I was made aware that this ache to remember is what is at root of all of our differences and animosities with each other, even all war and conflict, with self and with other. This ache to remember also has to do with all of our so called ‘attachments’. It all comes back to a cellular kind of memory of a feeling of having deeply lost an even deeper family than our Star family, stemming back all the way to the loss of our original estate. (More on this below, it’s a bit hard to be linear in the moment)

We attach to lesser states for fear of recapitulating (triggering) this loss. We feel that to feel this loss would surely be the loss of us, so we busy ourselves with protecting and building a lesser estate, to keep the roof patched from the rain of remembrance from dripping through,…this lesser estate hopefully assuaging the pain of the loss of our original estate, that we aren’t ready to feel.

Then, I was given an awareness that this source of all our conflict also happens to be our deepest common denominator. We conflict in order to avoid further loss and to avoid feeling where we actually came from.

What we are as beings is an alteration of a higher reality. We are real as real can be, but we are an alteration of a parent reality. We long to know and feel that parent reality intimately. This is the truth of every one of us Gaians, with all of our differences. It’s also true of everyone of the multitude of other Star families, with all of their differences. We are all alterations of a parent reality, and therein lies our suffering.

These were the deeper tears, the great collective tears I was invited into the aching room somewhere near the heart of the universe to feel.

When we feel this profound commonality that we share with all being, and the veil of forgetfulness that necessitated our inhabitation of this alteration and seeming departure from our parent reality, we see our oneness with all being.

We even see that the bullies on the playground are actually seeking the very same things we are, just going about it differently.

Then I was given a great sense that we are all, every last one of us, from every last domain, all finding our way back home simultaneously. No one gets ‘left behind’. This came as a great comfort to the parts of me and my Metasoul who still hold the fear of just that: not finding my (and their) fullest return to Source.

Somehow, some way, for specific beneficial reasons, we choose this, and we are all suffering from the same loss, and enduring the same awakening.

After a nights sleep to digest, I feel about as born again as I ever have, being invited into a vulnerable and brave new world.

It’s not that there still isn’t lots to be remembered. It’s that I get to savor each morsel of remembering with less fear of having to rush through the meal.

I never actually lost an ounce of the sacredness of my being, it has only felt that way. There are no ‘aliens’, but only others who at core, share the same core identical fears and desires as I. Wow!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for feeling.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at

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3 thoughts on “The Loss Of Our Original Estate

  1. Resonates so deeply . So well written thank you for sharing and feeling all you do to share with all.of us. Love to all

    Sent from my iPod


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