A Drip Line Of Non-Dual

IMG_2658

By Jelelle Awen

A couple of months ago during an intense initiatory phase, I asked my guides for a strong infusion of energy while I was in a meditative state. My primary guide Morgaine, who is a high priestess who lives in the parallel dimension of Avalon, provided me with surges and pulses of energy, which ran up and down my chakras and slithered along my spine. It was familiar and yet, also, powerful. I didn’t realize how altered I was until later in the day when I was planting seeds in my garden.

I felt relaxed and yet, also, I was struggling to track anything mentally. At one point, I ‘lost’ my sun hat, which I had placed in the garden somewhere. I had to go up and around the paths many times to find it. This struck me as funny since I designed this garden; I know every path like the back of my hand, and it is not big at all! Then, I misplaced other things as well and it became difficult to even concentrate on the act of putting seeds in the ground. I got distracted by the wonder of a seed: how it holds all of the DNA for the plant to create itself in all of its form. A seed is in hibernation, just waiting for soil, water, and sun to burst free of its dormant shape and arise into its potential. Much like human beings, actually.

I finally decided that I couldn’t ‘do’ gardening anymore and needed to head back home. It felt like it was going to be a long walk, with my altered state of consciousness, yet I also felt a bit giddy with how different things felt. On my way out of the garden, I kept getting distracted by the leaves on the trees. Every leaf seemed to flash its molecular structure at me, a glittery burst of its real essence. There seemed to be a shimmer to everything. I was reminded of how tiny a spectrum of what is actually going on can we see through the narrow bandwidth of visible light.

Although it is normally only about a ten minute walk, it felt like it took much longer to get home. I didn’t have many words to share with my mate Raphael about what I was experiencing, but he could feel I was altered. I didn’t want to try to explain it too much as it felt like it would dampen the experience if my mind tried to understand it. And I couldn’t seem to do that anyway! When I helped him to get lunch ready, I struggled to get my body to do what my mind wanted it to do. And I couldn’t do anything at my usually brisk pace, even in the kitchen. I kept getting distracted by the ‘truer’ essence of things that seemed to have no relationship to anything else as I would walk by them or go to use them. For many moments, I held an arising wonder of black plastic in my hands before being able to remember that it was a ‘spatula’. This ‘state’ continued on until in the late afternoon when finally I could write again and think somewhat normally.

I feel that this condition was, to some extent, what I call a ‘drip line of the non-dual.’ The non-dual being a state of consciousness (even though it is not a state) where there are no contrasts, no opposites, and only essence or Arising Isness. The seeds, the leaves, even a common kitchen utensil all took on magical qualities when experienced through the lens of no-thing-ness. Before we were trained to use our minds to dualistically label everything with names and filter reality through comparisons, it feels like this is how we could have naturally experienced life.

In SoulFullHeart, we feel that it isn’t about the supremacy of the non-dual over the dual or that the ultimate attainment of the non-dual is the goal. Rather, it is bringing them into balance again so that our experience of reality flows between the two in a beautiful stream of ebb and flow. Raphael feels that we are 100% of both and have just overly focused on the dualistic side. To bring our consciousness back into balance and awaken to our essence of Infinite Love, we feel that opening the drip line (which could turn into a gushing flow over time) to the non-dual is a critical aspect.

For me, the best way I have found to open up my non-dualistic nature is during meditative journeys called immrams and energy transfusions which transcend the mind, engage with our true nature as energy, and bypass our defenses and false self to some extent. I have also had drip line tastes of non-duality through a dualistic relationship with Kuan Yin, an ascended teacher. Through my connection with Kuan Yin, I am able to receive transmissions of non-duality even as it is coming through a dualistic channel. I don’t feel that one cancels out the other and both can be used to experience the other. In this embracement of both, we aren’t making one ‘bad’, which is actually a dualistic way to see it.

It seems that when we resist one side of our nature in order to embrace the other that we become in fundamental struggle with ourselves. This struggle locks down our access to Arising Isness because the false self feels that we need to be ‘enlightened’ or ‘attained’ or spend hours and hours in meditation in order to transcend our dualistic nature. Maybe some souls do need hours of meditation every day, yet, my sense is that our false selves have made all of this much harder and more ‘exclusive’ than it actually is. In my drip line state of arising wonder that day, it felt as natural and easy as breathing. Because my mind was loosened and relaxed, it couldn’t evaluate or compare what was going on. It just ‘was.’

I look forward to more drip-line experiences (with maybe some gushers in the future) and bringing my nature back into balance between the dual and non-dual. And I look forward to experiencing and facilitating students here at the school in this exploration for which I am hoping that we will discover even more naturally arising ways to experience our essence as Infinite Love in both dualistic and non-dualistic forms.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life

Awakening Is Like A Flower Bud Unfolding

heartflower

Awakening is less like a lightning bolt coming from the sky as it is like a flower bud slowly unfolding its petals in response to the warmth of the sun.

Feelings of warmth, comfort, and joy course through me; these are the feelings of the energy that move in response to my beloved mate Raphael. The feelings are familiar but the intensity of soul frequency is new. Our relationship is eight years old and brand new, both. The marriage between Jillian and Wayne (our previous names) is complete and a new union is arising between Jelelle and Raphael. This is not just semantics, changing these names, but a symbolic decision to represent the stunningly new sense that we both feel about ourselves. We also retired the inherited family name of Vriend and have chosen the last name of Awen, which means Divine Inspiration and is also the fifth element.

Who are Jelelle and Raphael Awen? It is unknown and familiar; it is us in our best moments and us in our letting go of the past definitions. It is the result of years of process work, devotional connection to the Divine, and, recently, meditative astral journeying to our true soul home called Golden Earth and the parallel dimension of Avalon. In one way changing a name is easy; it is getting to the place of genuinely wanting to inhabit something new that is challenging.

This is the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. It is about change and transformation, life arising anew at every sunrise and sunset, we get to arise anew along with it, even changing our names if we are called to. It is about nature’s beauty matching and holding space for our own inner beauty to respond and bloom.

We’ve rejected feeling that earning money should be the goal of life and embraced that money represents love and can come in many forms (including gift exchange) and shouldn’t be the meaning of life. We’ve rejected pressure to conform to the rationalist, five sense picture of reality and embraced that our reality is much more vast, mysterious, and multidimensional than we can even imagine.

We feel that you have to say ‘no’, to push back on what you’ve been conditioned and programmed to believe about life, in order to experience what your meant to experience: yourself as an expression of Infinite Love. The SoulFullHeart Way Of Life operates from this foundation of Infinite Love, it overflows from this well spring, and it gushes from this pulsing vein. Any other source is an illusion created by the false self. Saying ‘no’ is only for a phase of time until you are made bare and new with only ‘yes’ as your necessary response to what you are offered. Yes to desire, yes to learning, yes to connection, yes to love. You become a student and teacher of Yes.

This came to me this morning as one way to describe the process of awakening that participation in the SoulFullHeart calls us to inhabit: Awakening is less like a lightning bolt coming from the sky as it is like a flower bud slowly unfolding its petals in response to the warmth of the sun. We provide the warmth of the sun in the form of love, support, guidance, and a setting in which you can truly focus on your process. You are the flower, each unfolding petal revealing the essence of your heart and soul expression. And the Divine smiles on it all, caught up in the goodness of our efforts and desire.

Jelayan Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Always More To Learn In The Face Of Near-Term Human Extinction Possiblities: Life At El Rancho Blog

3ofus1

 

By Jelelle Awen

“Whenever the need for sanctuary presents itself, tomorrow or ten years from now, you will wish you knew more. So start learning right now, and go hard.” Brace For Impact, Thomas Lewis

It seems there is always so much to learn. Just in living this way there is a constant invitation to learn more. Learn more about both practical things and esoteric things; both external and internal things. What I’ve learned since moving to the ranch wouldn’t be taught in any university. Too bad since it has mostly been things crucial to survival. Or things of self discovery that are, again, crucial to my long-term survival and critical to my future as a co-founder and leader of our community here.

The locals here, most of whom didn’t finish high school and haven’t left the local area, know so much more about crucial things than I do. Things about what grows here; about what weeds, plants, fruits and cactus are edible here; about horses and raising livestock (although I don’t philosophically agree with that one); about how to get the body to work hard, very hard, in high temperatures without getting heat exhaustion; about singing Mexican songs at the top of their lungs at the end of a workday. Their earthy groundedness and capacity for simple joy aren’t taught in western universities, but will be so valuable in facing the changes that are coming.

As there is so much to learn, I feel pressed sometimes over what feels like an ever shortening time frame. Nothing truly significant, no major global crisis, has happened since we hatched our plan to move to the ranch from Canada a year ago. This is surprising to me, actually, as we felt like Chicken Littles screaming about the sky is gonna fall soon to anyone who would listen (most people wouldn’t.) I’m glad nothing major has happened (other than continuing economic tensions in Greece), of course, because there is so much to learn about living on a homestead in the meantime. And, there is so much transformation happening for us in living here. And, we want to draw others to join us here which will take time and mostly the internet to accomplish.

Yet, still, it just doesn’t feel like there are many years left of industrialized society,’ the empire’ as Guy McPherson calls it. In our human history, all empires have eventually fallen, especially when they overreached, leading to eventual under inhabitation and corruption. The empire had something that worked for them in one setting as in Rome, but then, they got greedy and imagined mini-Rome franchises sprouting up extending to all the areas they could imagine around them. The locals in these far off franchise locations didn’t have the same enthusiasm at being colonized and franchised. The actual establishment of the Western Empire happened when the first settlers came, entitledly took what they wanted, and created devastation instead of betterment. This same cycle has been repeating over and over again the last three hundred years or so with the levels of destruction and damage deepening with the rate of industrial and technological advancement.

Empire can’t sustain; it isn’t scalable long term. I’m beginning to wonder if anything really is scalable and especially industrial dependent society established on a planet with restricted resources to support it. Our focus as a species has been about growth and profit at any costs and without regard to any long term consequences. The consequences could be very dire, including the possible near-term extinction of our entire species. Guy talks about this in his book Going Dark. He is a former biology professor who has studied climate chaos (as he calls it) as his life passion and ‘left empire’ and his teaching position several years ago to set up a sustainable sanctuary near Tucson, Arizona. Due to climate chaos, environmental devastation, and the 400+ nuclear reactors that have no means to be shut down responsibly, he believes that it is highly unlikely that any life will exist on this planet by 2050. It’s a lot to take in but, also, it brings a poignancy to the moment. An urgency that every moment matters and counts.

For me, it brings me back to that point about there being so much to learn. Whether near term extinction or just collapse happens or not, this lifestyle is the one that brings me the most nourishment and is the most authentic reflection of who I am. I, too, have walked away from Empire. I plan to live my life, for however many years I have left, centered in this authentic life in union with nature.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Summer Season Of Swarms And Storms: Life At El Rancho Blog

c038df5e1ce1fda3daf216eba19e2ec5

 

By Jelelle Awen

Today is June 21st, summer solstice, the day with the most hours of daylight and the beginning of summer. It means something different here on the ranch then it did in Canada. In Canada, the beginning of summer is the beginning of better weather. Maybe. Or at least you can count on July and August to be fairly decent. Summer in Canada is beautiful sunsets, hikes, dips in the water, watermelon, gatherings outside on patios, less clothing and usually more sex, an exhale and a shedding of a water logged skin in exchange for a tanned one. Summer is an event because of the tempestuous weather the rest of the year. Summer was always my favorite season and I would mourn deep down in my bones every time it turned cold and rainy again.

Here in Mexico, summer is different. Summer is the rainy season and the low tourism season. It is called the ‘off season’ for that reason. Summer on the ranch will be about navigating the increasingly bulging and rapid river that cuts off traffic and even people at times. Summer means that we can no longer drive our van on the ranch road and need to get rides with the couple who lives here who has a 4X4 and is gracious to give them to us. Summer will be stormy and windy with lightning storms and sometimes tail ends of hurricanes. In some ways, I can’t wait.

To experience extreme weather is to be thrust into the uncertainty of life. A rumble of thunder, a crack of lightening, a gust of wind…violent and uncontrollable. Reminding us of our fragility. The gift of being alive here. And Now. We’ve experienced two storms here that brought this into focus for us, both tail ends of hurricanes. Their power was undeniable. This is a good kind of humbling at times, especially for humans who feel that we must conquer nature rather than be in union with it.

We experienced another extreme here last week after the first rains since March. A huge swarm of flying termites, set free from their cocoons sheltering under the roof tiles. They were a horde surrounding every house. “It’s like the house is on fire!” exclaimed Wayne as I was quickly shutting every shutter that I could. But they got in anyway and we spent a restless night flicking them off of us and spent days cleaning up the wings that they shed. “It was gross,” part of me says. And, it was. But yet, also, it was another example of the uniqueness of experience here at the ranch, things that just couldn’t happen in cities. Some we like better than others, for sure.

The swarm seemed to offer us a message of masses, a group rising, born, arrived. We were hopeful that maybe it represented what we are feeling more and more: a desire for others to join us here in community. We feel the possibilities of expanding our community here to offer others the goodness, transformation, and intimacy that we’ve experienced. We envision building cabanas for people and sharing community space, united by a desire for healing and living sustainably. If you are interested in becoming part of our swarm, please visit our website at soulfullheart.com and contact us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Summer is the season of Magdalene, lover and wife (I feel, as do a growing number of historians) of Yeshua. Magdalene offers sisterhood and brotherhood experience within community. Sexuality without sinful feelings between connected lovers. She invites us to explore metaphysical realms, feel the magic of the natural world, discover our latent soul gifts. And all of these while adoring and inhabiting our physical bodies. Magdalene is easy to connect with as an ascended teacher. She is quite the talker and loves to tell stories and have dialogues. If you want to feel her, just ask her to speak with you or tell her that you’d like to feel connected to her. Imagine a beautiful woman with long, red, curly hair and bright eyes. Imagine her deific smile and earthly laugh. Imagine Her smelling of sandlewood and lavender. Play some Lorenna Mckennit. And, there off you go together.

The season of swarms and storms. The season of connection and community. I welcome it.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Beginnings And Endings: Life At El Rancho Blog

heirloomsunflowers

By Jelelle Awen

Beginnings and endings. Death and rebirth. Life cycles this way and especially here and now at the ranch, during the season of Dark Mother and spring. A beautiful duck died this week, adrift on the pond, while the only three ducklings to survive the spring are growing larger every day, becoming independent, paddling around without mom. The ground is bone dry, thirsty, in drought conditions as the end of the dry season comes and rainy season sets to begin. For every dried out bean plant that I pull, I plant a brand new seed to replace it. As I become more in touch, in union, living daily with nature, I feel the textures of the beginnings and the endings much more. A harvest one day, pulling a dead plant out of the ground the next day. All of life is arising in aliveness even as it courts eventual deadness. Life moves to death, and death moves to life.

Rather than this awareness adding a morbid feeling to life, it enlivens me with an appreciation for every changing thing around me. I feel my senses amplified here, all of my sensitivity given free reign to let it all in without industrial noise, electric and internet grids, crowds of people, shopping malls…without all manner of numbing agents to dull my experience of experience. I have become much more acutely aware of my surroundings, now that my head isn’t buried in a computer screen, plugged into a virtual reality that disconnects me from my body and physical surroundings. This makes contrasting sensations more acute and enjoyable or not enjoyable: sweet and hot touches from Wayne, irritating itchy bites from mosquitos, cooling effects of a dip in the river or a cold shower, the pressing sweatiness caused by the heat.

With this acute sensitivity also comes more overall detachment to things and people that aren’t right in front of me. Email can bring virtual intimacy, substituting real time conversation for a shuffle back and forth that can span weeks. How was this enough for me? When I read emails now, I copy them at the internet place and bring them home to savor here at the ranch. I take days to feel my reactions and my responses. Very few emails bring real time responses now. So, I’m just not as interested in exchanging this way. I would rather have someone join me in one my gardens, pull weeds with me, water plants, plant seeds and we’ll talk and connect and feel each other. Let me pause, look you in the eye and hear the tone of your voice. Let us get our hands dirty together and see what needs to be expressed in exchange. Email doesn’t allow for any of this. Only a response into the void with no sense of how it really landed. When did this become our main form of communication with each other?

This is why I’ve felt both sensitive and detached in response to a fairly major change that arose this week over an email related to something big from my past. I was involved in an emotional and spiritual healing group for almost five years. EBE was an intense, elite group led by a charismatic, gifted, and often emotionally abusive leader. There was beauty and there was pain, both, and I was left forever changed by it, including meeting my husband Wayne in this group. I was ‘kicked out’ of the group after receiving an ultimatum from the leader, Daniel, about my relationship with Wayne being grossly codependent and that I needed to choose between the group, agreeing to stay away from Wayne for a year, or leave. And, all of this was offered over email, no face-to-face digestion and no one (including my facilitator) having actually seen and felt Wayne and I together as a couple. Our relationship was all of three weeks old at the time…..but I received strong guidance to leave the group and choose the relationship and, ultimately, myself. My book shares a six year span of time of journals and blog entries written while I was in the group and after I was out. The recovery period after leaving the group, with none of my friends in the group talking to me any longer, was excruciating and painful, only bearable because I had Wayne’s support and because I had a deepening connection with the Divine that saw me through the worst of it.

It’s been almost seven years now and my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis rarely go to the group or anyone in it. However, I found out over the last few weeks that the group has dissolved with the people in it realizing and finally owning the harm that Daniel has done to them. A couple of days ago, we received a forwarded copy of an email Daniel sent out, an apology addressed ‘to the good people whom I have harmed.’ I had different reactions to all of this, ranging from not much care about it to relief to some feelings of renewed outrage and hurt. I didn’t expect to ever receive an apology from Daniel, so it really is surprising to feel him own the harm he has done to others. He said that he didn’t realize what he had done until recently, which doesn’t feel genuine to me. Part of him had to have known exactly what it was doing; its own evil cruelty, and without any feeling for others. Until he truly differentiates from this part and admits that it is there, I can’t totally buy the apology. Even with this, I can feel compassion for the pain and suffering he must be going through as the world he built up falls apart. I know how this feels.

But, also, in all of this, something good completed finally for me and for Wayne. Something that had been hovering over our relationship from the beginning, a pronouncement by Daniel and also my friend at the time, that we were ‘off’ and codependent. Contrary to this proclamation, we continued to deepen with each other, experiencing degrees of intimacy and healing together that have been nourishing in a way neither of us thought were possible. We ‘proved them wrong’, yet, at the same time, it feels freeing to no longer be pushing up against anything at all now. As my former group goes up in flames, I feel compassion for those who spent seven years more than I walking through the fire. I know from experience how grueling and wrenching their recovery process is going to be. Well, I somewhat know, because love called me sooner to claim it and to end the cycle of cruel male authority figures in my life.

So, as something ends, so something new begins as we get ready to host our first volunteer here at the ranch in a couple of weeks. Maybe this is the beginning of the community that we dream of eventually, one joined in the desire for healing, authenticity, and sustainability.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Build It And Maybe They Will Come: Life At El Rancho Blog

20141218_115604

By Jelelle Awen

Our life now has been shifting from gardening to building. Maintaining the three gardens is still a daily effort, mostly about harvesting beans (yeah!) and picking caterpillars off our tomato plants (yuck!). All of the gardens are maturing with some vegetables already having been harvested and replanted. We are now growing or harvesting fourteen kinds of beans, which grow very well here in Mexico and are natural nitrogen fixers. More standard varieties such as black, garbanzo, red, lima, pinto, green beans, and mung. Plus more exotic types from the heirloom seed company: cebra, parraleno, milpa, x-plon, cigna, lab lab, jacobo. Each bean variety has been a mystery: will it be a runner? A bush bean? A half runner?

The shift to building has been a somewhat sudden one. We felt a bit daunted at first wondering how we were going to build homes for ourselves with a very limited budget. Then, we started researching natural building methods and specifically cob building. We downloaded a very informative and encouraging book (which you can get here) about it and decided that it was the method that makes the most sense based on our resources. There is plenty of clay, sand, and straw here on the ranch to create a great cob mix. Cob invites creativity, resourcefulness, curved lines, and synergy with the earth. Our vision is to create three cabanas (little houses) for each of us, a community kitchen and dining structure, a compost toilet and shower building, and a group living room and healing space on the water tank structure that already exists on our lot.

Based on the needs we have for help with this building project, we are now offering free and low cost work exchange and immersion programs for anyone who would like to come and experience the ranch, focus on their personal growth process, and learn about or lend their natural building skills. Please go to soulfullheartwayoflife.com read more about these programs.

The time we’ve spent here has been so catalytic and nourishing that we are desirous to share it with others. We feel that spending time here really gives someone a taste for living sustainably and off grid in a practical and very visceral way. It is important practice for anyone thinking seriously about going off grid, growing their own food, and doing their own natural building. There is a natural growth process and deconditioning that happens when living behind a culture that you are used to and ways of life that you have become conditioned to. Without being able to process this deconditioning with someone, it becomes a difficult transition for most people. We have experienced ourselves quite powerful movements related to this life change and feel we can serve others based on this experience and our many years of focus on emotional and spiritual work.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Cows, caterpillars, and cabbage: Life At El Rancho Blog

20141218_115604

By Jelelle Awen

Nature is a better partner than slave– Gaia’s Garden

I am dreaming of plants. Last night, the big crisis of my dream was about providing a trellis for a runner-type sweet pea plant to weave and wrap around. Would I be able to get it supported before it collapsed onto the soil in defeat? Big drama. My dream was most likely a reflection of an increasing reality this week of troubleshooting and responsive problem solving related to our gardens.

We entered our Tranquila garden a couple days ago to discover hoof sized indents over many of our garden beds. Tranquila is more like a nursery than a garden, with many fragile seedlings and still germinating seeds that still haven’t woken from their slumber. The vacas (cows) had busted through a weak area of fencing (now fortified with 3 higher courses of well anchored barbed wire) and found, fortunately, that little in our fledgling garden was to their liking…..other than all the black bean seedlings and most of the one inch tall amaranth and quinoa plants.

My heart hurt as I cleaned up their damage, especially since I had spent the morning ‘saving’ our first flowering and fruiting tomato plants from hornworm caterpillars, hand picking them off and dumping them in a bucket of soapy water. It felt a bit like we were under siege by nature. I was reminded of the wild setting for which we are attempting to grow our food. We are trying to domesticate nature. I like to feel that rather than a bending of nature to our will. We are in communion with it. This connection is the essence of producing home grown food that is chemical-free, nutrient dense, and, also, doesn’t have a negative impact on the environment.

Nature reminded us this week that it is ultimately uncontrollable. If we get a good harvest of any of our vegetables, it is nature’s desire even as it is also due to our skill and responsiveness (and sourcing good, quality heirloom seeds and deeply efforted compost.) Instead of getting hugely upset at the cow damage, I surrendered to it and immediately noticed something interesting. All of the beds that the vacas had left their marks on were ones that I had planned to replant or change in some way. Every one. The black beans were spaced too close together (something I learned after watching our frijoles negroes in the Rio Garden get bushier and bushier), so I was able to replant and respace them. I wanted to create rows of amaranth and quinoa rather than scattering the seed as I had done originally, so I could see them better as well as be able to provide mulch around the rows. Now I could do that while still preserving seedlings that had survived.

So nature created more work in some ways, but, also, it worked out in the end for the best. It is difficult to get too stressed about anything here on the ranch as resourcefulness and responsiveness just seem to come more naturally than in the western, more industrialized world. Every crisis has a solution and doesn’t push up the same levels of stress and anxiety as the common workplace drama.

We are entering the season of Kali. Kali represents death and rebirth; cycles of change and transformation; temperamental weather and emotional patterns. I was reminded of this also as I felt the edges of how easy it would be for all of our ‘hard work’ on the gardens to be wiped out by animals, a strong storm, or a swarm of damaging insects.

When we get our food from the grocery store, we have no sense of this fragility or of our fortune either. We fill our shopping carts and drive food that has been imported from all over the world home to be stored in our cabinets and fridges. Here on the ranch, because we don’t have refrigeration (other than two zeer evaporative cooling pots) and the nearest grocery store is 90 minutes away, food harvest and preservation is a concentrated and connected activity.

We picked some bok choy cabbage leaves today intending to use them for cabbage rolls for dinner tonight. I share the recipe below. No fossil fuels or chemicals were needed (not for working the soil, the fertilizer, the ‘pest control,’ the harvesting, the packaging or transport!); just our labor, our love, and our time. When we eat our cabbage rolls tonight, this energy will come through and increase our enjoyment and appreciation. Nature does make a better partner (however unpredictable), than slave.

Harvest this week and recipes: Daikon radish, mizuna (asian lettuce), arugula, tatsoi (asian cabbage), bok choy, kale, and cilantro

Right now is about greens and lettuces. Mizuna and arugula are braving the heat to produce leaves of nutritional goodness. Bok choy, tatsoi, and kale provide earthy flavor and plenty of antioxidants. They are so welcome since greens and most lettuce are not sold here in most tiendas in Mexico, only iceberg lettuce and traditional cabbage. Faced with a harvest of greens, we came up with two vegetarian recipes that used them in way that was beyond the usual stir fry and ensalada.

Bok Choy Cabbage Rolls-

Cabbage Rolls:

Eight to Ten large bok choy or kale leaves (two per person), the leaves need to be 3 by 4 inches

one cup of cooked brown or wild rice

one cup of TVP (or tempeh), add one cup of hot water and stir together

one half daikon radish, chopped

stems of bok choy leaves (if using), chopped

cilantro, cumin, soy sauce to taste

Asian Sauce:

Combine half a cup of soy sauce, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar, 1 tablespoon sesame seeds, one garlic clove minced, chili powder to taste

Bring to boil a couple inches of water in a pot with a steamer basket. Combine TVP, rice, and chopped daikon in a bowl and add seasonings to taste. Heat stuffing ingredients over medium heat until TVP is cooked and rice is heated. Lay out bok choy or other greens leaf by leaf being careful not to tear them. Place the leaf length wise in front of you and fill it with the stuffing just along the middle along the spine of the leaf. Don’t overstuff as it needs to be easy to fold without tearing. Fold the side closest to you first and then the two top and bottom edges go in and then roll it the rest of the way (similar to a burrito). Place the rolls carefully in a steamer basket for three to five minutes. Serve with the asian sauce on the side.

Eggs In A Nest-

This recipe has been modified from one provided in Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. This is an insightful and inspiring book about a famous author who ate only foods produced from her own garden and locally grown for one year.

2 cups uncooked brown rice

Olive oil

medium onion, chopped

2 cloves of garlic, minced

carrots, chopped

daikon radish, chopped

1 very large bunch of bok choy, kale, chard or other leafy green

8 eggs (if you need to make more eggs because you have more people just poach extras in another pan)

soy sauce, cumin, and salt to taste

Cook rice with four cups of water in a covered pot while other ingredients are being prepared. Saute onion and garlic in olive oil in a wide skillet until lightly golden. Mix in carrots and daikon radish and cook for a few minutes. Add greens and cook with the pan covered for a few more minutes. Uncover, stir well, then use the back of a spoon to make depressions in the cooked leaves, circling the pan like numbers on a clock. Break an egg into each depression, being careful to keep yolks whole. Cover pan again and allow eggs to poach for 3 to 10 minutes depending on how runny you like them. Remove from heat and serve over rice with guacamole salsa (or without).

Guacamole Salsa-

2 large ripe avocados, seed removed

8 tomatillos (or omit if you don’t have them and substitute with another tomato)

1 red tomato

handful of cilantro

Juice from one lime or lemon

half a jalapeno or tablespoon of chili powder or omit if you don’t like spicy foods

cumin and salt to taste

Boil tomatillos for five minutes or until soft. Combine them in a food processor with the other ingredients until mostly smooth. Serve chilled and is best if used within the hour.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Brace for Impact: Life at El Rancho

 brace for impact

By Jelelle Awen

“The most difficult thing we have to do in order to survive the coming crash is to renounce the life of artificial luxury that has been the temporary product of the systematic destruction of our life support systems.” – Brace For Impact, Thomas Lewis

Renouncing a life of artificial luxury. Yes, I can relate to that. And especially the word, ‘artificial’. Artificial luxuries compared to natural luxuries. Artificial luxuries need to be attained, maintained, and possessed. Natural luxuries arise to be experienced and cannot really be owned. Artificial luxuries are temporary while natural ones are enduring. Maybe it’s as simple as artificial luxuries are man-made and natural ones….well, they are natural.

Systemic destruction of our life support systems. In every way that is imaginable, humans are indeed destroying the very things that are vital for our survival. That we can do this for so little reward or benefit (beyond the very artificial and temporary luxury of money attainment) would be baffling without the picture of the false self and its evolution. The false self, in a way, is an artificial luxury, created by modern, egoic circumstances that require a strategic, self image-based, money-focused, and non-vulnerable way of relating to the world. The false self developed as a core defensive structure that is a product of an industrialized environment.

I recently read Brace For Impact by Thomas Lewis again. Thomas Lewis has a beautiful generalist mind, able to analyze and present information without mentally getting bogged down too much in the details or needing to ‘prove his case’. He presents a compelling and inspiring argument for inevitable collapse of industrial society due to the areas of water scarcity, peak oil production, industrial agriculture and meat production, global climate change-related weather events, political corruption, economic unsustainability and much more. Reading this book is to have your eyes opened, your heart hurting, your gut aching, and your initiative charging. The last chapter about the urgency of finding an off grid, rural, safe sanctuary and learning ‘back to basics’ homesteading skills was particularly validating to me related to the choices I and three others have made recently moving to an off-grid ranch in Mexico.

While it was immensely validating, I felt there was a missing piece in the writing. Thomas Lewis talks eloquently about what is happening, but less succinctly about why it is happening. He offers a picture of addiction to money and to greed that feels true, but without a specific sense of why this addiction has been necessary. We feel that all addictions have unfelt emotional congestion at their roots. The addiction is an outward manifestation of an inner need going unmet and unfelt. If money subconsciously represents love and how we feel about it (which I feel is true after coaching and facilitating people around their ‘money issues’), then the need for love is the biggest one that is going unmet in all the money accumulation that is leading to so much destruction of our planet and ourselves. It is our disconnection from our deep need for love that manifests into acting without love toward other humans, animals, and the living planet.

In my experience of the last ten years of healing my own false self and others, I ultimately hold the false self with equal parts love and challenge. Love invites the false self into authentic expression through nourishing and real experience of the love it never knew that it always needed. Challenge holds the false self accountable to keep being vulnerable, surrendering to the growing authentic self, and letting go of things (such as artificial luxuries) that keep it falsely powerful.

The loving challenge our false selves are being offered at this time in modern history is to shift very significantly our lifestyles to sustainable, authentic, and love-based ones. If our false selves are unwilling to shift or to even see that there are very compelling reasons to shift, then there is little to be offered by me or anyone else about the coming collapse and how to survive it. For those that are ready to shift and also see that there is an absolute necessity to do so, I invite them to feel how it is their false self that has feelings of resistance, doubt, trepidation, and fear of change. It is the false self that is attached to artificial luxuries and it takes a lot of natural luxuries such as love and the bounty and magic offered by nature for them to let it go.

The first time I read Brace For Impact, I was still living in Canada in a fairly comfortable life, although I had already started letting go of many things. Reading the book inspired me greatly to keep going with my search for a sanctuary and to actually make the move to living off grid in Mexico. There was little to no resistance inside of me (no real false self protest) to letting go of the artificial luxuries that I’ve known my whole life. And, I am now experiencing in my daily life that I can not only survive without them; I am thriving in deeply nourishing ways that bring me back to the luxuries that only nature and living an authentic life can bring.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Organic SoulFullHeart Gardens At Rancho Amigos- Jardines Organico De SoulFullHeart A Rancho Amigos

Our Gardens

By Jelelle Awen

garden1

 

One of the most pressing issues in our modern age is the need for chemical-free, environmentally sustainable, diverse, preserved, and homegrown food. The majority of food stock in grocery stores is shipped in by eighteen wheelers from hundreds and even thousands of miles away. Anyone who has eaten a banana in December and doesn’t live somewhere tropical has experienced transit-based produce. Most stores hold very little back stock, only about three days worth with no regional supply houses available since the ‘just in time’ delivery system was implemented many years ago. Produce has especially high ‘fuel miles’, the amount of distance that it traveled by truck to reach your location. The produce that does reach the stores has usually been genetically modified (even patented in some cases!), sprayed very liberally with toxic substances, and harvested before it was actually ripe. And it tastes about that good too.

Awareness of the dismal state of modern food brings an increasing need for everyone to grow their own organic produce if possible. We’ve had a strong desire to grow our own food organically following permaculture and ecological design principles. We wanted to create garden spaces that would meld conscious design with respect and understanding of nature’s principles. We also wanted to blend modern practices with indigenous and native ones, creating a mixture between the two that would honor both.

We started our first garden project in January, 2015, just a couple of weeks after arriving to live on the ranch. We were gifted a 30 foot by 30 foot space here with a rock wall already built around it. Rather than fill it with linear and straight rows of crops, we created a main, raised, keyhole bed (a ¾ circle bed with a keyhole shape in the middle for turning around) with another raised circle bed enclosing it and raised beds around the edges.

garden6

 

For compost, we spent many days gathering ‘green’ (kitchen scraps, sheep manure) and ‘brown’ (dried leaves and straw) manure creating a lasagna layering pile system as the organic matter compost to add to our soil. We trucked in silt soil from the banks of the riverside nearby to add to the soil in the garden and the compost. We collected dried bamboo leaves on the ranch to use as our 3 to 6 inch cover mulch (with thicker layers to come as the plants grow taller) to help with water retention and weed suppression. We lined all the paths with river rock to help with erosion and because it looks good. This we call our “Rio Jardin” (River Garden), as it is right next to the river.

We’ve filled the beds of the Rio Garden with three kinds of tomato plants; eight varieties of beans and legumes; three kinds of peppers; greens and cabbages such as kale, arugula, mizuna, tatsoi, bok choy; yams and potatoes, red/green/white onions, cucumber, jicama, daikon and regular radish, and cilantro. We’ve already enjoyed the radish and some of the greens. We look forward to the next few months of harvesting and learning; adjusting and responding. Eating! This is truly our experimental garden with many lessons happening around seed germination, plant placement, and adjustment to the tropical yet arid climate here during the dry season.

The next garden we started is our “Casa Jardin” (House Garden), a ‘zone one’ garden, meaning one that is close to home and therefore includes plants that are used regularly and need more attention. Once we moved into the house we are staying at here on the ranch, we started trucking in soil from the river again because the top soil around the house had been destroyed during construction. We spent days clearing out debris and pulling weeds (that weren’t edible we hope) to clear spaces to plant. In a cleared space right by our outdoor kitchen, we created an herb spiral- a four by five foot mound of dirt with river rocks moving up from bottom to top to form a spiral shape. An herb spiral takes a 30 foot linear planted bed and reduces it to a much smaller footprint. Plus it looks really neat and mimics a shape regularly found in nature (always a good thing when designing garden beds.) We filled the herb spiral with dill, thyme, oregano, basil, cilantro, cumin, mustard greens, green onions. We included some medicinal herbs such as calendula and Echinacea.

garden5

 

We also created a greens garden bed next to the spiral garden with mizuna, kale, mustard, tropical lettuce, tatsoi, and a native medicinal green called qualite alvaro obregon. Greens are impossible to find here at tiendas (stores), beyond iceberg lettuce, because they don’t store and transport well due to the heat. We have all felt a deep craving for more greens, especially after being used to regular doses of greens in BC, Canada. Radish greens and morenga leaves (a medicinal and edible tree grown here on the ranch) have helped meet this need so far. We filled beds along the path in front of and the sides of the house with sunflowers, artichokes, more mustard greens (good ground cover and green manure crop), and some native flowers. Keeping the four ranch dogs and our own three dogs out of the beds using twine and bamboo fences has been important. How to keep the wandering and hungry ducks from the pond next to the house out of the greens bed is the next dilemma, although we put down bamboo leaf mulch, spray with the pepper-garlic solution, and planted mustard nearby so that will hopefully help. We are still waiting to catch a pato (duck) in action as it tugs on our kale!

And, our grand vision and most recent garden manifestation is a ten minute walk from home called ‘Tranquila.’ A sloped piece of land with large granite rocks, this is the plot of land that we have purchased here at Rancho Amigos. The lot contains a water cistern located over a natural spring so fresh water is no problem. The top soil is dark brown, has some good worms, and the years of cutting down feed grasses for sheep and cows and letting them mulch in place has kept the soil in good shape.

garden4

 

It is the work of hardscaping, double digging out soil and creating paths that leads us to get up at six in the morning to get some of it done before the hot sun comes up. It is foundational work, work that we won’t have to do again. It is hard, but, it is also satisfying…watching raw land become the infrastructure for our garden. We are planting seeds as soon as the soil has been double dug, formed into circular, raised winding beds with plateaued tops, and sprinkled with compost. We’ve been adding the same mulch back to the beds that we raked from the ground before we started tilling. It forms straw nests around our sleeping seeds and a light blanket of cover for our scattered seeds.

We planted more beans since they germinate quickly, seem to grow well in this climate, can be dried, and are great nitrogen fixers. We planted sunflowers, artichokes, and other tall plants for privacy and shade. We started several trees in bags and will plant them as soon as they are ready to add diversity, shade, microclimates, and environments for wildlife. We planted eggplant, squash, and pumpkin (and soon watermelon) where they will have room to sprawl and spread out. Making a mound, we created a ‘sisters’ planting inspired by Native Americans. Corn, pole beans, and squash form the perfect combination of support, both structurally and in the soil. Scattering seeds across the soil, we sowed quinoa, buckwheat, amaranth, chia, and, soon, flax. These will form the foundations of our diet, along with the beans for protein. Joining the party are medicinal flowering plants, more peppers, and tomatoes. Our future plans for Tranquila include creating a small pond in the middle of a natural gathering of rocks, a stream leading to the pond, pathways to the large sitting stones and boulders on the lot, tall plants all along the fence line for privacy next to the ranch road, and whatever else our imagination comes up with! We envision a place where design has given form to the food and function to the wild. A place where we and others can come to study the plants, sit on the rocks, meet in a circle under the shade tent, dip our feet in the pond, and wander the paths, foraging as we go.

We’ve held some books like bibles along the way, combing over them time and time again. Two such books are Gaia’s Garden: A Guide To Homescale Permaculture and Rodale’s Organic Gardening. Yet, also, we’ve been learning as we go, responding to the needs of the plants as they arise and feeling what the land and nature wants. It’s important for us to access our soul’s knowledge of cultivating the land for food; its’ experience with growing food which is actually much more familiar to us than the more recent industrialized experience of easy and disconnected non-food grocery shopping excursions. We’ve forgotten our native roots as hunters and gatherers and buried our instincts about plants and how to grow them in a sustainable way.

Our gardens have brought us joy and peace already, even as they’ve required some sweat and effort. Every seed we plant is like a new baby needing attention and focus until its more mature and can stand on its own. We pick off every caterpillar and unidentified Mexican bug with love and care; spray every leaf with a combination of garlic and pepper spray that bugs hate. We support the garbanzo beans with sticks because we didn’t plant them close enough together to let them lean on each other like they like to. Each plant is held with gratitude and given energetic attention. That’s a lot of babies to care for!

Our gardens have already drawn attention here locally. There are very few personal gardens in this area, even though poverty is a common here. The nearest grocery store is 90 minutes away (when the weather and roads are good) and yet the village closest to us doesn’t stock anything more than a few tomatoes, potatoes, onions, and eggs. The locals who work on the ranch have gone from feeling perhaps a bit confused by what we are doing to more and more interested in it. They ask us many questions about what we are growing and give us tips related to cultivating in this climate. We have already started giving away baggies of cilantro and radish greens and received cucumber and cacao seeds in return. Many more are expressing interest in exchanging with us when the real harvest comes in.

Gardens can invite the imagination to come to play. If we allow ourselves to move beyond the linear rows, typical crops, and pest warfare of mainstream gardening, the possibilities are as limitless as nature’s manifestations. In the garden, there is both a strong sense of the present and the future. We are enjoying the process of creating the infrastructure of our garden beds and paths, which will serve us for many years. The first layer of weed suppressing and water retaining mulch that we lay out begins a legacy of layers of decaying organic matter that will serve the soil and our bellies for a long time. The compost piles we create today serve to fertilize the soil for the rest of its (and our) lives.

It is the gardens that have received most of our time here at the ranch so far and, also, every bit of time spent feels worth the rewards, both in the present and for the future. This legacy of growing chemical-free, ecologically friendly, and truly local food is one that we are proud to be creating and to leave for future generations. Or, at the very least, for the immediate future needs of our hearts and bellies.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Building The Ark: Life At El Rancho

By Jelelle Awen

20141218_115604

The ark is about learning what I don’t know; remembering what my soul knows; and using my intuition to feel out the rest.

I have felt like Noah at times; holding a prophecy of a big storm coming and making plans and taking actions to survive that storm. Like Noah, with some foresight and surrender to the Divine, doing something for which most of the culture is not understanding or seeing. My version of the ark was my passenger van and the human and dog companions that came along with me on the journey from Canada to here in Mexico are as treasured as the pairs of animals saved to repopulate the earth. We landed here in our ark on the shores of what feels like our safe sanctuary. A place where water flows not from city taps but from natural springs. A place where exotic fruit grows year round from trees. A place where no insulation is needed on homes or on bodies. A place where having no electricity or refrigeration is not a big inconvenience but a manageable work around. A place where many people ride horses to get around and cars are just another option. A place where traffic slowdown is caused by a swarm of cows not frustrated commuters.

The storm is growing, building strength in the skies of the world. These are dim skies to me right now; they feel far away from the daily realities here on the ranch. But, I can feel the thunder rumbles of war in ISIL occupied areas and the Ukraine; in the economic contentions of European nations faced with growing debt that can’t be repaid; in oil price fluctuations due to diminishing reserves and bubbles bursting fracking empires; in the diminishing fresh water resources around the world and especially the southeastern United States. And maybe the lightning from these events is still far off and hasn’t charred the ground and struck near or in your world. But, as so many people have foretold, the storm that will end this industrial age as we know it is coming. Whether in ten days or ten months or ten years, the world as it being run and experienced right now just isn’t sustainable in any kind of long term picture.

We’ve become so out of touch with our intrinsic nature as hunters and gathers and growers. Becoming so out of touch has made us disconnected about where our food comes from, how it is grown, how it is treated (in the case of animals), how chemicals are used on it, and how synthetic or natural it is. Becoming so out of touch has made us easy victims for the storm that is coming. Rather than being able to tough it out relying on ancient instincts of survival, so many people will be unable to respond in any way that is beyond feeling helpless, hopeless, and immobilized. Many people, sadly, will simply end their own lives rather than have to find the will to survive in a world without all the easy conveniences that they are used to.

This last week has felt like another phase of ark building. The ark this time isn’t about transport to sanctuary; it’s about reconnecting with my human instinct and imprint for feeding myself. The ark now, for me, is about growing my own organic food and incorporating what grows here on the ranch already into my diet, even if I’m not familiar with it. The ark is about learning what I don’t know; remembering what my soul knows; and using my intuition to feel out the rest.

We have all been building this ark with dedication, getting up by the rooster’s call at six am to work at Tranquila, our third garden space here at the ranch. Tranquila is described in much more detail here. We’ve put in five or six hours a day during the hardscaping and shaping of earth phase that is required to sculpt raw earth into a garden space. This is the laying out of floor and wall boards, pounding in of nails process of building our ark. And inside of the ark, instead of just animals, there are beans, tomatoes, quinoa, buckwheat, amaranth, and much more. Inside of the ark is true self sustainability and connection back with a primal instinct that has been numbed by easy living.

As I watered the gardens in Tranquila for the third time today, I felt how I don’t resonate with the idea of being a gardener. For me, it’s not about being something outside of who I am just because I am growing seeds, tending them, harvesting them, and eating them. I am not a gardener; I am a human. A human reclaiming the inner gardening abilities inherent in my soul and embraced by my heart.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.