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Living “As If” Collapse Is Coming

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

mexico

By Jillian Vriend

Today, finally, I feel somewhat settled. After more than a month of travelling and short stays in various places, we are landed in a place that feels temporary yet stable. We repeat to each other, “We are renting an apartment in Mexico,” just to let in the reality a bit deeper. It feels like we are parked at the mouth of the river, waiting to (literally) begin the journey down it to hopefully claim our piece of sanctuary at an ecovillage located on 700 acres about one hour from here. There are still some unknowns about how it will all unfold, but inside of me it feels like we have found home. We have been claimed by life and by others here in a way that feels warm and welcoming.

Kathleen writes vulnerably about our experiences during the last five weeks in her two exodus journal entries here and here. Ups and downs. Ebbs and flows. Moments of joy and goodness. Moments of pain and constriction. The joy moments seeming to be impossible to occur without the constrictions and vice versa. For me, always there has been a deeper trust that everything would be all right and that we had been guided by the Divine to journey this far. Even when those around us were doubtful, critical, and, in one case, even cruel about expressing their skepticism about the way we were responding to our decision to come here….I still felt a sense that our trust and surrender to follow guidance would draw everything we desired.

We didn’t take years to plan the move here. Christopher and Wayne especially had been feeling the rumblings of industrial collapse coming for many years, yet our trajectories in the last several years have been around focusing on our emotional and spiritual health and deconstructing our false selves. When we gave up our residence (and the $1600 a month rent associated with it) and moved into an RV in January of this year, we felt we were on the right track. It was surrendering to Mother’s flow, but it wasn’t known what would unfold for us after that decision. The campground felt temporary with an energy of inflow and outflow of visitors with even the permanent residents feeling like they could move on at any moment. We liked this energy for awhile; it was freeing after committing to year long rental leases and feeling the noose of mortgages around so many people’s necks.

In June, I felt clear guidance that it was time to feel into leaving the campground and Canada altogether. I just didn’t feel like I wanted to go through another Canadian winter and I asked Wayne and Christopher, “Where would you go if you could go anywhere?” A rhetorical question, for sure, yet also, for the first time we really could go anywhere. Our daughter was an adult and completely independent. The painting contracting business Wayne had run for 30 years felt that it was at a completion. We hadn’t drawn new people to SoulFullHeart on the Sunshine Coast despite our efforts to hold talks and connect with local people. We could go anywhere that our desires would lead us.

Their answer was clear and quick, “Somewhere warm. Somewhere in the southern hemisphere. Somewhere we can get to by car.” These answers were fueled by desire for warm weather, yet, also, our sense of impending collapse was growing. I felt very clear guidance that in the next year major events would most likely take place that could make it impossible to leave Canada. Canada itself didn’t feel sustainable with its short growing seasons and deep reliance on fossil fuels and false self-based infrastructure. We wanted to live in a place where the local people lived more simply, more sustainably, and where there was a long growing season. We felt into various places in Central America and finally decided on Mexico, mostly because three of us had been here before and were somewhat familiar with it.

Mexico. I am falling in love with Mexico. It is a dance, just like in romance. It feels so foreign in moments- the concrete homes, the Spanish language, the accordion-heavy music, the dogs that wander free, the lack of self image.Yet it feels like home too.Β I love the way that life comes first here and work comes second. Every business seems to be run out of someone’s home so that the gap between the two is even less. They inhabit every square inch of their homes here, no matter how humble the dwelling is. Home is where the heart is here, yes.Β There are moments of culture shock, where I feel a rub inside of me after searching for anything comfortable or familiar and finding nothing. Dimly lit and un-air conditioned grocery stores. High heat plus humidity that seems almost hostile in its relentlessness. There is the challenge of being vegan, saying ‘no queso or carne’ over and over and getting confused looks back from waiters. Just like romance, the back and forths provide depth to the lust, to the desire that brings us here.

One desire, our desire for land, is strong. To grow seeds. To harvest and to eat of our own labors. This is the one thing that feels sane in a world that has become insane from fossil fuel addiction. Even here, in a state where so much produce is grown, many locals go to the grocery store still. Then comes the truck driven by local farmers full of watermelons or papayas or lemons…announcing over a loud speaker their price….and affordable freshness is in your hand and soon in your belly. Still, now, we are buying our food but soon, we hope, in the next six months or so, we will be eating mostly only what we grow. Is this a naive vision? Have we not planned well enough? Are we fools?

What feels naive and foolish to us is those who do nothing to become more sustainable, those who continue to live fossil fuel dependent lives without awareness, those who dream but do not follow their dreams because they need to earn money to keep their disatisfying lifestyles afloat, those who stay so busy that they cannot let in joy and breathing. Those who will most tragically and certainly die in the coming collapse if they do not change their lifestyles very soon.

And, even if we are wrong about the timing of collapse, why not live ‘as if’ it is a real possibility? Why not make changes to live more sustainably, including growing your own food, living off the grids of city electricity and water, living in community providing support and connection, letting go of false self attachments, healing your heart and soul? Why not truly experience your life in every moment rather than medicating with false food in so many forms?

We have jumped off a cliff into the unknown…and found that there is a river at the bottom that catches and submergesΒ us.Β A river that is made of love and trust and surrender and courage. A river that has an unimaginable depth and a steady current…taking us onward and around the next bend and the next toward a destination where anything is possible.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of aΒ Β bookΒ about connecting with the Divine Mother andΒ on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

Three Countries, Seven States In 14 Days: Exodus To Sanctuary

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

 

Lake Powell Lowering Water Levels
Lake Mead, Arizona- Dangerously Low Water Levels

By Jillian Vriend

This blog title has been floating around in my mind for two weeks, yet this is the first time that I’ve really had a chance to sit down and write about our journey so far. A journey that has, indeed, brought us through three countries (Canada, the United States, and Mexico) and seven states (including two in Mexico) in a short fourteen days.

We made the decision in June to leave the west coast in British Columbia, Canada and move to the pacific coast in Mexico. Motivating our decision at that time was our increasingly urgent sense that significant global collapse is coming; a collapse of industrial society that will bring the end of easy gas, easy water, easy electricity, easy food. A collapse that will call us to become self sufficient and yet compel us to be in community at the same time. I’ve written more about that here and here. We felt that the most practical course of action was to move to a place that has a long growing season, temperate weather, and is already living a more simple lifestyle with less infrastructure to collapse.

During our months of planning, we imagined many scenarios about our initial journey to get to our sanctuary, an eco village two hours south of Puerto Vallarta. Our biggest tension feelings were around my husband Wayne being able to cross the U.S. border after receiving a five year ban in 2009. He got this ban due to us living together as an engaged couple in the U.S. and after having a ‘record’ of many years of monthly crossings into the U.S. from Canada for the emotional and spiritual work that we were both involved with in Ashland, Oregon. We were outraged and devastated when he was banned at first, but adjusted our life to Canada, including raising my daughter there until she graduated from high school.Β Our plans were hopefully optimistic about Wayne being able to cross into the U.S. now that the five years were up and we hoped to do some camping in Yellowstone and Zion National Parks, and also spend a few days taking in the vortex energy in Sedona, Arizona.

However, none of that was to be. Wayne called me after being refused at the border in an attempt to cross by Amtrak. He had been allowed on the train in Vancouver, made it to the border crossing in White Rock, and then been escorted off the train and told he needed a waiver to cross. A waiver that would take a minimum of five months to get. The biggest distress he experienced was being handcuffed as he was escorted off the train by four border guards carrying weapons and wearing bullet proof vests, treating him as if he were a dangerous criminal.

We digested this experience over the next few days and decided that Wayne would fly to Puerto Vallarta and we would meet him in a town close to the Mexican border crossing in Nogales (this turned out to be the fairly large city of Hermosillo) after Christopher, Kathleen and I traveled for about a week through Washington, Idaho, Montana, Utah, and crossed into Mexico at Nogales, Arizona. Although this was an easy decision on one level, it was heartbreaking for us on another as we had all been so looking forward to taking in these sacredly natural places in the U.S. with Wayne.

The whole incident seemed to reinforce our desire to leave the U.S. behind and, as a citizen, I felt a deep disgust at the punitive way the situation was handled and further distancing from feeling like an U.S. citizen in any way. This situation illuminates how vulnerable border crossings are and anyone expecting to be able to cross easily post collapse is in denial. These borders are already militarized and the border guards are the judge, jury, and executioner. You cannot appeal what happens at a border crossing and you are completely at mercy of their discretion. Β It is easy to imagine how easily these borders will be shut down once collapse begins, especially if it is a disease like Ebola which causes the collapse. This is one of the biggest reasons why we are leaving now while travel is still relatively easy.

We began our one week journey to cover 1,000KM in two cars with three dogs, one of which weighs over 90 pounds. We discovered very quickly that we couldn’t drive more than six hours in one day as the dogs needed frequent breaks, Kathleen is a newer driver, and I didn’t feel comfortable driving one of our vehicles- a large passenger van packed with our belongings- which left that driving to Christopher. We shuffled in and out of hotel rooms, trying to maintain our vegan diet (we only ate a bit of dairy but no meat) and some kind of daily exercise for the dogs. Every day, every city was an energetic adjustment, along with every hotel room offering its own frequencies of goodness and density.

There were many times that being in the U.S. felt like being in a foreign country, one whose priorities seemed to be majorly screwed up. This was demonstrated in the never ending succession of factory outlet malls, fast food restaurants, subdivisions created around the illusion of unlimited sources of easy gas and electricity. The cities built unsustainably in desert locations, their water sources diminishing every day. The acres and acres of monoculture, chemically dependent agriculture, and even evidence of chem trails in the sky near Spokane, Washington.

One moment sticks out to me as deep evidence of the trouble that we are in related to climate change. We drove over Lake Mead Arizona- which is fed by Lake Powell, the primary water source for Las Vegas and Phoenix as well. The water level is now so low that you cannot see the water when you drive over the bridge spanning it. There is evidence everywhere of greatly decreased water levels. We spent a total of six days in desert conditions- including in a campground in San Carlos, Mexico, with temperatures hovering in the 90s and even low 100s. Our every thought became about surviving the heat and keeping the dogs cool as we made go of it without air conditioning. It is impossible to imagine how the millions of people who live in these desert areas will be able to survive without air conditioning, trucked in food, and piped in water. We were all relieved when we passed into more tropical and temperate conditions as we headed to MazatlΓ‘n.

It is more difficult to see evidence of collapse in the U.S. as the infrastructure as been so deeply created to support the current lifestyle. It became much more evident as we entered into Mexico, especially into the poor border state of Sonora. Many of the concrete dwellings along the toll highway there have been abandoned and even the resort like settling of San Carlos suffers from unfinished developments and bankrupted businesses. But still, it feels like more people here in Mexico get that modern conveniences are a luxury, not a given right. The water is already undrinkable, the roads are already falling apart in many places, the local economy is already experiencing contractions. The fall is much closer and not as far as the U.S.

Right now, we are in a campground in Mazatlan. We were blessed to be here during the β€˜off season’ and are able to camp right on the beach with a β€˜million dollar view’ that is only costing us 500 pesos or less than $50 a night. We are sleeping in tents while empty high rise condo buildings surround us on both sides. We are letting the waves and sea air aerate us and rejuvenate our energy before we move on to our final destination in Puerto Vallarta. We experienced a tropical thunderstorm last night and every thunder boom and lightening strike seemed to remind us that we are guests on this planet and very vulnerable to the weather. This is what we’ve forgotten in our dry wall, air conditioning existence. This is what we must remember and will be forced to remember very soon.

Jillian (Jelelle Awen) is co-creator of SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Consciousness Awakening : Mission To Me Journal With Wayne and Yeshua

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Good Morning Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning Wayne.

W – My last day in this resort, getting ready for the next phase.

Y – Yeah, and what are you feeling?

W – Well, it was a lot to take a bus ride yesterday to another resort town and be in amongst what feels to me, at least, like the masses. What is about all that that feels so taxing is what I’d like to feel into together today.

Y – People when they congregate in anything, be it a bus, or a city, or a village, they are tying into cultural expectations and adaptations about how to be in the presence of others. What drives this is genuine human need. The result however is a long ways away from anything resembling genuine.

W – Now I know why I like talking with you. You know how to get right to something.

Y – And that’s a good as example as anything. We, you and I are bringing are needs into the circle of our togetherness, feeling what we want and need. We call that expressing. The point of our connecting is not to hide our true wants, but rather to feel and express them and negotiate together for the meeting of those needs.

W – That feels like a world away from what I felt yesterday, or what I saw at the breakfast buffet this morning.

Y – It is literally an entire world away. A world is the sum of what any given culture has come up with as a way of being. Many different worlds within the world and all that, for sure. But even the words β€˜the world’ have a huge cultural assumption in them, that is that the world as one knows it is in fact the depth of reality, and that is without a doubt, the height of hubris and stupidity.

W – Some of us are just plain stupid?

Y – Well, being stupid in the original sense of the word means to be amazed or stunned. Most are so amazed and stunned that they inhabit a human body and express as a human being, that they are fused to that stunned state. They can’t see beyond it or around it to feel their unique state.

W – Which leaves them little ground to feel self worth.

Y – Exactly. Their own uniqueness and wonder is lost on them. A deep sense of meaningless and existential depression is their lot. W – Which to me, and I hesitate here, because a part of me feels it to be too judgmental, but I might as well say what I’m thinking,… is that their state isn’t much different than being an animal, and much of the time, what we consider a lesser animal at that.

Y – I feel that’s accurate Wayne.

W – Is that Okay? I mean, should it be our mission to raise their consciousness to the level of their actual being, out of the state that their consciousness has fallen into?

Y – Careful on that one. I’d say that the best approach is to see yourself as a cooperator with someone who is sovereignly coming into a deeper consciousness, not as a creator of that state. You can’t awaken anyone who’s choosing to remain where they are. You’re being who you are is plenty of light and invitation to any soul who is ready for your help.

W – That takes the stress out of that one.

Y – Totally. And feel too how when you are unhealthily pressing on someone to wake up, a part of you is actually struggling with it’s own awakening.

W – I think I see that.

Y – What do you see about it?

W – Well, it’s a painful process to leave the familiar, and the deepest level of familiar is not our language, food and surroundings, but our level of consciousness. Waking up on that level is where the existential pain and fear of not finding meaning or connection comes in. Sailing for another shore involves leaving one behind. So when I’m frustrated with someone who is unwilling to awaken, I need to check in to feel if a part of me is resisting my own movement.

Y – Thank you. Yes. And doesn’t this elevate the whole feeling of what it means to be a human. I’m talking about the grace and space to feel yourself. This is more than self-awareness. This self-awareness though is only the beginning on the path to self love. In between and all along the way comes deeper discoveries of meaning and worth. That’s the theory of it, not to be mistaken for the reality of it.

W – And the reality of it feels like is a life long journey. I’m never actually in possession of β€˜it’ somehow.

Y – True, in the flow of it, the expansion of it, often the struggle of it, but such a worthwhile way to be human.

W – Because…

Y – Because there’s no greater container for the entire human experience than to be journeying to discover deeper and deeper experiences and the feeling of your own worth and value, which of course is tied to the worth and value of all of your fellow humans. And what else, …my god, your energy around this awakens me man…what else is that, that alive energy in you of feeling who and what you are is what triggers that around you in others without you having to get into efforting that. It’s an effortless achievement when you trigger an awakening in someone by your being. You’re just being you. This is the deepest level of gift expression.

W – And really the funnest fun, because I get to see more of my emerging self.

Y – Totally Man.

W – My butt’s getting sore Yeshua. I’d like to go feel this by the poolside some more.

Y – I’m not boring you am I?

W – My god, anything but!

Y – Good.

W – I see your sensitive too?

Y – Well of course I am. I’m not a know it all. I’m a feel it all. Being willing to feel it all is being willing to be vulnerable, and that includes being vulnerable to having love with others.

W – I love you.

Y – I love you too.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external process to exodus to Mexico with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to be in eco-conscious community. ReadΒ 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended TeacherΒ and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

The Collapse Of The Constructs Of Not Feeling: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Hey Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne.

W – No clue where to go today, as is often the case, but just connecting and seeing where we end up has proven the best way to go, with you.

Y – Well, let’s connect then. What’s up for you?

W – Resting a lot this week, I got past that flat feeling that was a big part of yesterday. Reading a lot too about collapse.

Y – We haven’t talked much about collapse for a while have we?

W – Well, it’s been tied in for sure, but not so much directly.

Y- Wanna go there?

W – Sounds great to me, I could really use your take and input. Collapse is a big thing to hold, being so cross current to grain of our society.

Y – It really isn’t hard to see that collapse is happening already, and sudden and surprising further shocks are not far away.

W – I get that. I’ve been reading a lot of people who feel the same way, and yet I feel something is missing, especially from some of the most gifted and well known writers on the subject.

Y – What do you suspect that missing something is?

W – I know that it has to do with a bigger context, a container with which to hold all of the information. The information and guidance and research as valuable as it is contending to get people to wake up, and making it’s case for the coming collapse…but still, it doesn’t do something for me, that I wished it did. I can’t quite put my finger on it though.

Y – feel for a moment…

W – Feel what?

Y – Feel what it is that you are reaching for when you are taking in those authors and bloggers?

W – Okay. I feel how β€˜not at home’ I feel in the present social construct, how stifling it actually is to me, and what I’m reaching for, it feel like has to do with a completely new arrangement of our social order, around deeper heart expression and meaning, much deeper. I hope that something of that is on the other side of collapse.

Y – for you…

W – Yes.

Y – That ache Wayne, that you are willing to feel, is what most are not willing to feel. To want something deeply that you don’t currently have or feel a tangible guarantee of obtaining is the essence of true vulnerability, as well as courage. It opens my heart to feel that in you.

W – Thank you Yeshua. Your helping me loosen it up a bit. It’s a realness that I have only found in such tiny moments or very select relationships that I want more of.

Y – I feel how your soul gets all lit up around a hope of a new beginning in heart to heart. Β Collapse clears the deck so real grounded human need can cut through the cultural bullshit to this new possibility. You’re on it.

W – On it, how so?

Y – Heart to heart is the new emerging reality and container that wants to flow out of collapse. Collapse is the falling apart of the inauthentic and false-self based ways of relating to others. We talked before about the illusion of the separate self. That illusion is what needs to go. When it is sufficiently gone, then one can no longer inflict harm or take advantage of an other, because harming an other is harming self. And guess what else?

W – What?

Y – They can’t inflict harm on themselves either, after this illusion falls away, because harming themselves is the same as harming an other, because of our complete connection with every cell of life. It works both ways.

W – That’s cool, because I observe people in self suicide mode, who recognize the ship is sinking, yet can’t get themselves in gear to seek to leave the ship. And with every passing moment, the window of opportunity is clsoing.

Y – This is the essence of being in life and being surrendered to life that the soul is working through. Your soul has wrestled through these pieces a whole bunch to get where you are around it. Many just aren’t there yet. There’s a lot at stake for them this life, but the soul itself is never at stake, just it’s growth. It is always learning and growing it’s way into courage, vulnerability and the true power of love, especially through collapse. Love wins out in the end.

W – So collapse is not the enemy?

Y – Collapse is nature mi Amigo, and there’s one thing about nature, it is never in a panic. People project their own inner feelings of panic upon their lives and natural cycles. That’s what you are feeling when you are reading many people’s collapse writing. It’s the feeling of their own in-surrender to life, their reach for some safety guarantee to be found in externals and preparation. To the degree all that planning and preparation is founded in what they haven’t been willing or able yet to feel is the degree that the writing is based in a panic frequency even though the words are saying β€˜let me help you.’ In truth, the soul of the writer is actually asking β€˜Someone help me?’

W – But isn’t panic a good thing, I mean if the ship is sinking and all?

Y – True, but the panic is felt by the immediate reality that if you don’t move, you die physically. On a soul level, It’s not as clear for most people. We’re talking about a resistance to feeling a true and grounded panic to what is at stake for the heart and soul. It’s like If I don’t admit my need or my terror, and side in with the β€˜all is well’ conspiracy, then that’s what will be true for me. I’d vouch a long ways for creating your own reality and all that, but in this case, the person needs to create their own reality in light of the sinking ship, because inaction is only going to result in creating the reality that they fear. It’s being afraid of death actually, but this feeling is subconscious and so the feeling is unfelt. This is what leads to the reality of death. I rest my case, we all do create our own reality. It’s just not some big spiritual attainment. Every day folks have already mastered this spiritual reality like a guru, they just don’t know it. Where some growth and attainment comes into the picture is being willing to feel what they have avoided feeling. What’s collapsing is the entire construct of avoiding feelings, and what’s arising out the ashes is the new birth of heart and feeling.

W – I think you’re tweaking all of us now, by that I mean me and anyone reading this. What would you add to that about gaining this feeling capacity that is so missing and wants to be born in us collectively?

Y – Well, it’s like you did yesterday. You admitted feeling flat and feelings of self judgment about what you weren’t doing that you could have been doing. These emotions have been hardwired somehow in the human psyche to avoid or suppress, when what’s being revealed now is that they, meaning the entirety of what you feel, that you like and that you don’t like, is the entrance into your own authenticity and power. People feel that if they shed their nice guy polite shit, there wouldn’t be restraint on their destructive energy, when really that destructive pent up energy is really just their authentic selves locked away. This is just kindergarten really for the heart and the emotions. A beginning place, that can take you to some crazy cool places as you’ve found out some.

W – yeah and I’m wanting to find out a whole bunch more.

Y – Cuz you’re a maniac.

W – who talks to Jesus no less.

Y – Hey, you’re not the only one taking flack for being strange man. I get the same deal from the guys i hang with about your and I’s connection. Their just jealous though. This is the shit the entire universe has groaned in travail for and you and got it going in an all inclusive package.

W – Thanks Yeshua, I feel myself getting slowly back up to your and I’s speed.

Y – Likewise, thanks Man.

W – I love you man.

Y I love you too, MAN.

The Cause Of Being Is Your Because: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Wayne – Hey Yeshua, I’m up for more if you are.

Yeshua – I’m in. How are you doing?

W – You caught that huh? I’m feeling a bit blah actually and a part of me is eager for there to be a bit more clarity about what’s going on. I don’t feel much motivation. I could be studying Spanish or doing exercise, but the get up and go for that isn’t there right now.

Y – And what’s wrong with that?

W – Well, a conditioned part of me doesn’t like feeling the blahs. I suspect something bigger than I can track right now is being rewired at the moment. After all, I am 1 week into a new country, and a few weeks retired from a 30 year career.

Y – Won’t you be surprised by where we go today?

W – I’m counting on it actually. But I think you’re gonna have to lead here. From where I’m coming from in the moment, I can’t feel much.

Y – And what’s the doorway into feeling?

W – I’d say it’s admitting that I’m not feeling much and that I’d like to be feeling a lot more.

Y – And what is the world of feeling?

W – hmmm, I’d say feeling is…..feeling is like a flood of self worth, and self-recognition that so inflates….and that comes from the internal, rather than the external. Sometimes the external is what triggers the internal…

Y – Okay, hold on for a second now. Self worth. Feeling worth. Feeling great about yourself.

W – Right…

Y – And you say, you’re not feeling much of that this afternoon?

W- Honestly, no. I’m feeling a bit flat.

Y – What is flat?

W – It feels like some impulse to do something. After all I am in a resort, with time on my hands, and money too if need be.

Y – And why don’t you want to go out and do shit?

W – I just don’t see myself having a lot of enjoyment being in people’s disconnected vacation energy.

Y – Where would you rather be?

W – I guess I’d rather be here with you having this conversation.

Y – Is this going somewhere?

W – I was just about to ask you the same thing.

Y – Tell me your answer.

W – Feeling is beginning to trickle in as I connect with you.

Y – And what’s the feeling?

W – That I am loved and valued as I am and as a human, I have much greater depth and need in my being, and simple pat answers about β€˜overcoming depression’ are a pathetic bullshit heap in comparison with the uniqueness and complexity and the worth of my being…

Y – Don’t stop now.

W – And of course I feel out of sorts. I just unhitched from peddling myself in the world as a house painter, something that was affecting me with the growing integrity gap of painting people’s homes when I wanted to tell people to get the hell out of their sinking titanic reality.

Y – You’re left with a vacuum.

W – Yeah, I get that part, but I’m still struggling to enjoy it, or to be at rest in it.

Y – In nature Wayne, things incubate, they bake and they reboot. A breakthrough moment isn’t any more sacred that a process moment leading up to that breakthrough.

W- You saying I’m a bit of a change addict.

Y – Y’a think?!

W – Maybe you can help me sort through this lifelong restless energy then. Yes, I’ve been impatient and surprised many times by how things that defined my life, I became suddenly done with.

Y – I’m not so sure I can do that for you.

W – Why not?

Y – Because only you can do it for you.

W – Can you help me grasp that then?

Y – That I can do.

W – That I would like.

Y – How many guys do you know that talk with Jesus on the drop of a hat on boring flat feeling afternoon?

W – Are you trying to cheer me up?

Y – God forbid. Let’s try another tack. You tell me what’s right about you?

W – I feel that it is because I am in touch with my heart that I can feel what I feel, rather than suppress it, even if it isn’t a high feeling, feel the desire and need and even frustration of a blocked need, and in that come back to myself.

Y – Uh, huh, I’m listening now.

W – I’ve actually managed to uncouple myself from an entangled and make believe Β world where time and money perceptions are used to enslave and cap the deeper capacities. How many people pull that off? Every person around me that I watch, I can feel the ache in them, the unfelt desire they are reaching for, and I have the ability to actually help them. That’s like real fun, not a boat ride being pulled in parachute abound the Bay of Banderas. God help us.

Y – What else?

W – I’m able to give myself this hospital like experience of care and love and going real easy on myself, and am able to answer and hold the part of myself who is still prompted by doing and routine and achievement, and be okay with doing nothing if that is what is most authentic.

Y – Because…?

W – It’s the because of the cause of being. My being is in rest and in stillness, there is a pregnancy of unexplainable metamorphosis. That’s the cause. Being over doing. It’s not a β€˜do-cause,’ it’s a β€˜be-cause.’ Not killing the being’s authentic and actual experience with doing something, out of some fear of losing meaning or purpose or value. I am full of meaning, purpose and value. I’m just choking a bit getting myself wired up to this new reality and letting it in. I’m hot fucking stuff man. How’s that Yeshua?

Y – You are hot fucking stuff man. Way hotter than parts of you realize. Do you get that the divine has had to put like lamp shades on you to get you safely this far, for a reason that’s yet to be revealed to you, to your mind that is.

W – Part of me worries though that especially when I’m in a flat feeling space that I’m somehow the weak link in all this unfolding, that I need to be more something to actually inherit divine purpose or something.

Y – Letting go of THAT veil is all that’s required. That was the deal extended virtually every religion, especially the one that fucking tagged onto my name, god dammit! Reeking pile of stinking horseshit that jesus loving Christianity is.

W – Whoa, Yeshua, are you being a bit over the top?

Y – The whole entire shit pile is designed and engineered for adherents to be ensured that never recognize or feel their own divinity. You don’t get people to wake up to their divinity by flogging them into it, or scaring them into it. You only ensure that they remain hidden further and further from feeling who and what they actually are before they ever believe anything or lift a spiritual finger to do anything. That’s a shit pile conditioning and I’d like to tell that to EVERY single Christian out there and especially the beloved pastors and priest assholes who are now called upon to admit that they are a huge part of the problem, not the answer in their claim on truth.

W – Wow, that’s interesting to me, cuz I have my Christian badge as you know.

Y – Yeah, and I get how relateable and all you are when you talk to Christians.

W – Yeshua, I just feel the deal is falling apart in it’s own way and time, and folks need the time they need. I did.

Y – And I get that, and I’d like to stick dynamite under it all at the same time. Part of the shit you are choking on in beloved Puerta Vallarta is the horse-shit Jesus and Mary Statues that serve as energetic blockers to seeing what’s true on a deeper level. You need to feel how part of your energy being sapped is location based, where your fellow human souls, who are your brothers and your sisters are committed to staying stuck in the name of serving God.

W – You know Yeshua, THAT I feel, I feel how I miss deep heart connection with the people around me, the people I’ve known in my past. I’ve dreamt about so many of them in recent months. They are my brothers and my sisters, and yet that brotherhood and sisterhood isn’t transactable.

Y – There’s that be-cause popping out Wayne. You’ve been guided to walk where others are afraid to walk, then feel the missing of the connection that you gave up to take those steps and then invite all men and women into the deeper waters you’ve found and feel.

W – My god, don’t suppose there’s a higher calling than that, huh?

Y – Yeah, and you figured you could embrace all of that without some headwind?

W – Guess I just forgot…so I could re-member…

Y – Have you tried the tequila yet?

W – No.

Y – Put that on your list man.

W – Will do, and thank you again Yeshua.

Y – De nada.

Your Inner God-Baby And Your Child Heart-Mind: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Inner-Child

Wayne – Yeshua, it has been too long.

Yeshua – Time is an elusion, but I get the sentiment.

W – I think you meant β€˜illusion.’ Not that I’m any language expert.

Y – Both can work here. Time is an escape mechanism that both hides and deceives.

W – You feel eager to teach.

Y – I do?

W – Yeah, and I feel like I miss your teaching.

Y – You do?

W – Big time. I long for your context, for your deep expansion of consciousness that brings back wonder and gratitude.

Y – There are no higher states actually.

W – Really, are you sure about that?

Y – Wonder is the child heart mind connection that adults have had eroded and stolen from them. It’s the freedom to feel everything with little or no effort to hide. You have to go back to the youngest of children though to feel it in it’s essence as it begins to fade from early on in your world.

W – I was at breakfast this morning and there were little children all around, stuffing their face, fussing, smiling, gazing. I would have given my right arm to babysit for a day I felt like.

Y – These children reflect to you your own inner god-baby that you long to connect with.

W – I feel that Yeshua.

Y – What do you feel?

W – I just arrived at a resort in Mexico, while Jillian, Christopher and Kathleen and the fur-face trio are driving down. I feel like a dependent child in so many ways, I’ve found my way to the food and beer though. I even have a wrist bracelet that totally feels like a hospital bracelet. My caregivers need to positively identify me. It feels daunting at the moment to venture too far away from the resort, though I did take in the ocean and the waves yesterday.

Y – Feel that you do in fact have a baby entrusted to your care that takes priority over anything else. Your budding inner god-baby.

W – Tell me more.

Y – There you go, That’s what baby’s do. Ask questions. The questions arise from simply being with what is, and the absolute wonder of it in any moment.

W – I feel that like a faint memory more than a living reality. I mean, I want it to be more that way in my life no doubt, but it feels idealistic to a part of me.

Y – Labeling something as idealistic is a way to dismiss it and the pain of not being in touch much any more with deep penetrating beauty and wonder. It takes being and power to be willing to let in beauty. It’s not so much a lost art as it is a lost permission.

W – It feels good just now to be in our connection and feeling you and the desire you have to teach.

Y – My desire to teach is a desire to be met.

W – What do you mean?

Y – It’s not that I’m a know it all. In fact, I’m the opposite of a know it all. I know that I don’t even know how much I don’t know. But my desire to continue learning is in a healthy and fired up state. That’s being in the child heart-mind. All learning is sourced and based in simple love. Love connects and shares. I actually have a need to give away what I have in order to make room for more.

W – You tweak me big time Yeshua when you speak of all being being sourced in love and then how you connect that to the child heart-mind.

Y – What tweaks you about it?

W – Well, as I’m presently removed from my own cultural reference points and my previous sense of home, I feel the many cultural constructs around me, both of the locals and the tourists and they feel like they each have a beauty to them, but a beauty that is for the most part no longer felt and connected with.

Y – People go on vacation to vacate the prison of their constructed lives. They give themselves a few moments to feel their wanter, but then even that is greatly moderated by the part of them afraid to feel their own inner god-baby.

W – What would happen if we got a whole lot more admitting of our inner god-baby?

Y – It would change the world, like a tsunami changes a landscape. Love is the source and force that moves every bit of energy in the universe. Even the malevolent and destructive forces are actually seeking love. Meet destruction with love and watch the transformation.

W – My inner god-baby says β€˜I want.’ I think that’s something like β€˜Yo Quiero’ in Spanish.

Y – Language is the lingua or the tongue. It is the flow from the heart. It in it’s essence is very simple in what it wants and needs. It is only when someone removes from themselves the feeling of their own needs that language is complicated and removed from it’s essence of communicating the β€˜Yo Quiero’ that is at root of all life.

W – That’s interesting Yeshua, because it seems every religion is far more comfortable expressing what they have to supposedly give, rather than what they are in need of.

Y – Big time. This utter disconnection from their own susceptibility to being human, posing as spiritual fill up stations, only serves to elude them with illusion of being without need. This is the key to returning to the child heart-mind. How cool would it be for a religion to offer β€˜we long to know’ rather β€˜we know.’

W – I think I may have a piece at least of an answer to that.

Y – Say on mi amigo.

W – It gets back to that terror of feeling the great loss of our child heart-mind. We put control around it in the form of offering answers without the reverence for the questioner or the quester, that is moved by the love you speak of.

Y – And this control really is a rinky-dink pathetic attempt.

W – Yet it seems so… everywhere.

Y – Because it is so dirt cheap and utterly worthless really. Give me the child heart-mind any minute of any day over that, and we will then discover what every vacationer is actually seeking. True seeking is what leads to finding.

W – Wow, Yesh, Thank you again. I think days were invented to be able to take you in, in stages…I need to hold off till tomorrow.

Y – There is no tomorrow remember, only now.

W – Okay, I will. One more thing, Yeshua, speaking with you is really helping me adjust, helping me feel my own heart, and helping me land in this brave new world. Gracias.

Y – De nada….

Tribulation: A Novel Inviting Us To Feel Life After Global Collapse

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

“A man lives who hears the the song of the red-tailed hawk and flies with it; A man lives who begins and ends each day with his new family and needs no other people; A man lives, who learns something new about the ground he walks every day, and needs no other place; A man lives who knows he is in the world not on it, a part of it not in charge of it, with many brethren of all kinds, and has no right to take more than he needs.” From Tribulation

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By Jillian Vriend

Information about the inevitable global collapse of our short-sighted, technology- and cheap-fossil-fuel-dependent world is usually presented from a mental perspective and from an energy of “proving” that intense changes are coming and when they might be coming. Most of what is out there is mental analysis presented by mostly men who seem to be overly dedicated to researching thoroughly because what they are offering is admittedly to a stubborn audience in deep denial. They use logic and reasoning to try to pierce this denial and to wake up, first and foremost, a person’s awareness to what is happening. While this initial awakening is crucial, I’ve felt something missing from what I’ve digested recently from these mostly male sources and ‘experts’ on collapse.

What I feel is missing from the collapse picture and from our world in a big way is feeling, intuition, compassion, vision, surrender, and connection to a bigger context. Basically, a feminine energy (in both men and women) that can hold and respond to what is happening and what will happen from the heart rather than just from the head. I feel called to provide some of that energy through my connection with the Divine Mother, as I’ve done in previous conversations that I’ve shared on this blog. I also felt compelled to share images from our world with only music as backdrop to invite the heart to digest what is happening rather than just the mind. I feel strongly that is our individual capacity to emotionally digest what is coming that will become the most valuable currency in the future. I feel that survival and practical skills in combination with emotional maturity will offer the most grounded chance for those awakening to this reality.

One of the most difficult things for people to imagine is what the collapse will be like and how it might feel to actually live through it. This is where I feel that fiction writing can be very helpful as it sparks the imagination (connected to our third eye/visionary access) and elicits our emotional reactions in ways that just being presented the “facts” of what is happening cannot. Telling and hearing stories has been an important aspect of human consciousness throughout our history…we’ve moved from sharing orally around the fire to spending millions on block buster movies. Most of these stories feel like they feed our denial, keep us asleep, and allow us to act courageously in a vicarious way. Most of these stories bear little resemblance to most our lives and purposely avoid reflecting the subconscious (and sometimes conscious) misery and suffering that so many people feel. Most of these stories act as drugs, whether to keep us from feeling or to drop us into feeling as a way to off gas our pain without actually connecting it to ourselves.

Sometimes, though, a story comes along that invites us to feel ourselves and our lives. It invites us to feel the very real possibilities of our future and offers scenarios that don’t feel foreign so much as scarily familiar. Tribulation by Thomas Lewis offers such a story. Rather than offering a dystopianΒ picture of a world that has been cranked up to extremes so we don’t feel too disturbed by it (like Hunger Games series, 1984,Β Battlestar Gallatica, the Divergent series, The Stand, Planet Of The Apes, etc.),Β this book remains firmly grounded in what is not only possible but is very likely. The author has obviously researched extensively our fossil fuel dependency, as one example, and then he imagines what will happen to modern society when the tankers can’t deliver, when the food can’t be delivered by truck, when the political systems have become irreversibly corrupt from preserving relationships with middle eastern, oil-rich countries , when the wars escalate, when the economy based on fiat currency collapses. It’s easy to imagine the hoarding, the looting, the shooting and yet can be difficult for us to feel what that would be like to live through. We need characters, like reluctant leader William and his collapse-seeing son Bill, and the others who live out the first, very messy and painful phase of collapse on a sustainable farm, to project our hopes and our fears on to.

The author provides us a picture of what it will take to survive: fertile land in a remote location, a source of clean drinking water, security systems in place (including hand guns), a community of people that you can trust with your life, gardens, farm animals. Many people offer this picture of ecovillage and intentional community living as a crucial step, but it is much more compelling to journey with these characters as they actually live this life, giving up most of the modern conveniences that have allowed for easy food, easy water, and (for most of us) easy lives. And their journey is not just about adjusting to daily living in this new, very physical reality, it is also about these characters letting go of who they were before the collapse and arising into who they become afterwards.

We feel that it is the collapse of the self image built up by the false self that will be the most difficult aspect for most people. So much investment in money earning, mortgages, professional careers, attaining the next “toy”…this investment will be impossible for many people to let go of even when life “forces” them to let go.Β We have offered with SoulFullHeart for two years now and been on our own journey for over ten years of deconstruction of the false self and its domains of control and strategy. We have let go of jobs, toxic family relationships, even previously revered spiritual groups…anything that did not seem to serve our arising authentic self and deconstruction of our false self. Reading this book confirmed these decisions as the de-construction process for us might be that much easier to bear when it happens. We have surrendered outcomes to the Divine and try to align our desires with the bigger context of our souls and Divine guidance. We have decided to leave Canada in the next few months and find a place that establish a conscious community that will feel like our “ark”, most likely in Mexico. A place where we can plant our seeds of heart and soul offering, growing not just the food we need to survive but the way of life that brings us such growth and love. A place where we can draw others with like-hearted and minded sense of life to be in community with us.

There is such growing proof that a great death is coming and we are already in the middle of a painful contraction period, the likes of which have never been experienced by our species. But, I hold in my heart (as validated by reading this book) that there is a rebirth possible rising out of the ashes of our false investments. A rebirth that offers a lifestyle of simplicity, sustainability, connection with our environment, and, most importantly of all, love.

Moving From Materialism to β€˜Motherialism’- Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Five

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

 

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Fully feel every fear contraction. Let the fear be felt, held and loved, and thereby transmuted into true courage that can choose new love.

Wayne – Hey, Yeshua. Jillian just asked me if all the typing noise was me talking to you. I told her it wasn’t and then I realized how much I miss our connection.

Yeshua – Interesting how women can ask questions that are more than curiosity, huh?

W – Sometimes maddening, but only to the part of me stuck on staying small.

Y – What’s rocking your world?

W – You mean my cradle?

Y – What do I mean?…you tell me.

W – Well, it feels like a lot going through the pipe right now as we plan to leave in October to Mexico with a busy spell of painting contracts this past few weeks as we gather resources. Last night, I had this lucid dream about falling in love, and in it I was explaining the difference between falling in love and choosing real love, still based on deep desire, of course. I think the dream has something to do with Mexico.

Y – Now, there’s a great picture. People talk about the magic of falling in love, as if it is an unexpected accident; something they don’t choose. If they get a bit more meta-physical about it, then they suppose that love chose them. But, in both scenarios, their picture is that they were not the ones taking action. The only problem is that to follow the β€˜I had nothing to do with falling in love’ picture is that a whole bunch of choices are coming straight at them. They are going to need to have a whole lot to do with the love for it to flourish or to die.

W – But, I still like the feeling of surprise that new love brings, like something that came out of nowhere.

Y – Being in life is being in love. Love moves every cell in the universe, and love moves every universe in the cell. It’s all love through and through. The feeling of surprise is just part of the juice of the game of renewed trust that invites us and encourages us to let in another big gulp of that love.

W – But then, for most people, the magic of romance seems to wear off.

Y – β€˜Wears off’ is again a victim’s picture. The victim says, ‘Love surprised me by its entry and then surprised me again by its exit.’ No! You were too afraid to really let yourself consciously dream of your next phase of letting in love and how that might look and how you might cooperate responsibly to begin preparing for that. You needed to moderate love’s flow into a toned down picture of leaving yourself out of it. The same goes for seeing love’s ebb as something outside of yourself.

W – So, what does your picture look like in contrast?

Y – As you get more and more in shape heart-wise, you begin to accept more and more that you are love’s experiment.

W – Experiment?

Y – I know what you’re thinking. That β€˜experiment’ is a bad word because many experiments fail. But love never fails. Love keeps its heart open in any circumstance. It is only in this way that love can come to know itself. The cool thing is that love is fixated on knowing itself in and through you. It wants to keep bringing you new love deals that feel like falling in love. It’s always up to the individual if they want it or not.

W – Usually it’s not a question of if they want it or not. It’s a question of if they want what comes with it or not.

Y – Exactly. Good point.

W – Thank you. Talking with you, for instance, comes with a bunch of challenges.

Y – Whadda you mean, man?!

W – Love always leads to choice. Choices always test the limits of our courage, challenge our identity, and challenge our current cradle.

Y – You saying that I do that?

W – I’m saying that you always advocate for letting in my next piece as courageously as I can.

Y – Okay, that I do do.

W – That you do do.

Y – do-do.

W – do-do.

Y – This is the essential do-do of life. Life begets life. Life moves.

W – And then we try to arrest it somehow, make it more stationary and predictable.

Y – And that’s all because we cannot accept that life is not afraid of death, but instead embraces death as love’s and life’s never ending opening to love.

W – But that takes some serious being in heart shape to dance with.

Y – Yes it does. The divine doesn’t want you to self destruct or suffer but at the same time, the divine won’t fret too much over your choices to stay stuck. It knows that love never fails.

W – It just has a longer term picture than we do.

Y – It takes the time it takes.

W – And we have nothing but time.

Y – Time to experiment and be in love.

W – I want more love.

Y – But that requires leaving the cradle of security that you currently know.

W – And choosing that… as in planning to give up my geography, my language, my livelihood, and this paradise of living beside the ocean and a forest and a creek definitely has its ebbs and flows of excitement and desire and, then, contractions.

Y – And all you are asked to do is fully feel every contraction. Let the fear be felt and held and loved. It is only as a fear is felt that it can be transmuted into true courage that can choose new love and all that it asks you to choose.

W – So then, it’s natural for me to give up something really good for something that isn’t a sure deal.

Y – It’s natural for what was a sure deal to lose its luster as it invites you to choose again. The luster fades as part of the invitation. You staying in a geography that has been a heaven to you can turn it into a hell. All the moralizing about ‘blooming where you are planted’ won’t change that.

W – And this is what leaves me inside of love’s essence…choosing what life is bringing me next.

Y – It really is that simple. Life always changes. It’s up to you to go along or not.

W – And if we don’t go along……

Y – You suffer, but love doesn’t really. Love moves. Suffering is a static state that doesn’t move. Suffering is chosen by the soul as a way to remain in stasis while more courage is cultivated to reenter the flow.

W – And whole new heavens await if we move with love.

Y – They so do.

W – From do do to so do.

Y – That’s what’s rocking your cradle, a newer and better cradle.

W – Why would we ever substitute materialism for this?

Y – This is the real β€˜mater’ of materialism. Mother is derived from the word Mater. Mother realism.

W – Whoa. So I am moving from what we call materialism to β€˜Motherialism.’

Y – And Mother wants to meet (realize) your β€˜material’ needs.

W – I just need to let that in some more.

Y – Let your current cradle tip over into the next one.

W – And become very β€˜Motherialistic.’

Y – Let Mother be your reality.

W – Okay, I’ll be a few days digesting that.

Y – Yes, you will.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and be in eco-conscious community. ReadΒ 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended TeacherΒ and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Learning Wants To Possess You With Childlike Wonder – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Four

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

The wonder of being a small child has been crowded out by what we learned (posessed) and replaced with duty, obligation and entitlement.

Wayne – Yeshua, Good Morning? Are your ears on?

Yeshua – Always on, my man.

W – I like it when you call me that…:)

Y – Good! What’s up, my man?

W – I’d like to ask you about learning.

Y – You never get enough do you? We talked about that already, didn’t we?

W – Yeah, but I forgot it all.

Y – Well, how am I supposed to learn you anything if you can’t remember?

W – The fun was in learning, and going β€˜wow,’ so I figured if I forgot it all, then I could have fun relearning it. I got that from you actually. Forgetting shit is what leads to being re-membered.

Y – See that, you are learning.

W – Learning to know how to be in not knowing.

Y – And THAT is what tickets you into the theatre of real learning which is always and ever beholding wonder. Wonder by definition is not knowing. Canned knowledge, the kind that most peddle in schools, is learning stripped of wonder.

W – How do I get back to being in wonder, then? I know I suffer from the deadness you are referring to.

Y – Like any other learning, you hold the quest of the question, and see that you can never own or be entitled to any knowing, you can only and ever humbly be a partaker of the wonder, and temporarily at that.

W – Whoa…

Y – And realize that all knowledge is born of not knowing and eventually returns to being forgotten, which is to renunciate (for-get) ownership of the knowledge that was gotten.

W – Knowledge will cease…

Y – Yes, in order to let die what is dying and make way for new wonder.

W – So how do I apply that to say, my spanish studies, is what I’d like to know? By the way, Yeshua, I can so feel the part of me invested in this conversation who feels like a late teenager but is so wanting to learn and grow and make his life count.

Y – Hello to that part of you, Wayne. I recall him as Marvin, yes?

W – Yes, Marvin says β€˜Hey Yeshua.’ I think I’ll just let him in on this conversation.

Y – Hey Marvin, I’m liking your desire to be in wonder.

Marvin – Thanks, Yeshua.

Y – What would you say about what we are talking about?

M – I’m feeling how the wonder of being a small child has been forgotten and crowded out by what we learned in school and how getting back to aliveness is about unlearning, not more learning, at least in the way we’ve related to learning.

Y – That says it in a really cool way. And it says how even the essence of childlike wonder is forgotten, but its imprint remains and calls to us.

M – Which is what I want to get back to.

Y- Why?

M – Because it’s boring and dead to be removed from wonder.

Y – Here’s a secret, you don’t need to go back to anything. Nature doesn’t work that way.

M – Huh?

Y – You can get to where you want to be by going forward.

M – That sounds good, but how do I do that?

Y – The childlike wonder gave rise to canned knowledge and to adultlike duty and obligation and entitlement that crowded out the wonder, right?

M – Exactly.

Y – So duty,obligation, and entitlement killed the wonder. Feel the deadness of what you once treasured, how it feels so hopeless to ever return to wonder. That is being in the deadness, which is never dead as we think of it. Death is always alchemical and transmutational. The compost heap of yesterday’s knowledge wants to transmute into the rich and vital organic soil of new wonder.

M – Forgetting in order to be re-membered…

Y – …into never ending wonder

M – How does that relate to our spanish lessons then?

Y – Know that as you learn to speak any word or phrase in spanish, it is being given to you, entrusted, you cannot own it. You don’t actually own english. Owning is the entitled sense that you have english conquered, and thereby you killed the wonder of the experience. Instead feel how language is a collective energy of flowing, not static knowledge, that is given to those who will steward this energy. Get that down pat and you should be able to learn Spanish just fine.

M – But I need to let go of trying to capture the knowledge…

Y – Yes, that’s it. Instead seek to be the grandest host you can be for the knowledge, be a temporary steward of it in its never ending cycle of death and rebirth into more and more wonder. Knowing and not knowing.

M – But I still feel a lot of energy to possess the learning, nail it down, get ahead and all that stuff.

Y – Feel instead how learning wants to possess you. It wants to be hosted in you, animated by you. Learning and wonder can’t have its fun without you.

M – So sign up for letting wonder be reborn in me?

Y – Totally.

M – Thanks, Yeshua

Y – You’re so welcome. I so wait for the day that more folks get onto this phase of real learning. There’s so much more wonder aching to be born.

Wayne – Whoa, Marvin’s an energy all of his own. We were up late last night eating vegan chocolate ice cream and studying spanish, and then we got onto what is real learning and he wanted to talk this out with you. Between the chocolate and the excitement, it was hard getting to sleep. My head still hurts.

Y – I love that feeling of new desire leading and aching out what feels like birth contractions.

W – My aching head needs some more life space to integrate all this Yesh. I think I’ll break here.

Y – Yeah, learning is never ending and it needs life to be in it healthily.

W – Now you can’t stop.

Y – No I can’t. Wonder is so very cool. Thank you Wayne and Marvin for your desire to learn. Learning is all just desire, you know?

W – No, I don’t know, but I’ll save that for another day.

Y – Desire, set free from possessing.

W – Next day Yeshua, Okay.

Y – This is why we have cycles of days you know, to let in more wonder.

W – No I don’t know.

Y – Good!

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. ReadΒ 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended TeacherΒ and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

All Learning Is Actually Heart-Based Learning – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Three

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

 

 

 

missiontomewayneBy Wayne Vriend

Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

Wayne – Good morning again, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, what is moving in you?

W – Jillian and I are oceanside, up on a ridge, plenty of view through tall evergreens, great sun, finally warm and the oxygen is amazing.

Y – You noticed the oxygen?

W – I take a deep breath of it when I step outside. It’s pure and alive.

Y – So you’re breathing deeper?

W – Yeah, that’s true physically and metaphorically.

Y – Things that are true physically are true metaphorically.

W – As in?

Y – One day at a time is true physically, right?

W – Uh-huh.

Y – and it’s true metaphorically.

W – We’re getting too simple, part of me says…

Y – You can never get too simple. It’s in the simplicity that complexity is both born as well as sustained.

W – Are you taking us on a mental trip this morning?

Y – We’re only using the mental as a vehicle to probe the heart and open the heart. All learning is actually heart-based learning. All learning begins with feeling and is even sustained by feeling.

W – Wouldn’t some math students beg to differ?

Y – The math student that labors dutifully with learning and doesn’t seem to engage his heart actually has his heart deeply engaged in the process. He just isn’t aware of it. Somewhere in his heart, he has agreed that to get ahead, or to get acceptance, he must sacrifice himself to the most heartless and boring form of learning. It may look like a bunch of mental learning, but it is a human heart first that is the agency of the mind. In this case, it is a wounded heart, on life support that’s leading.

W – Whoa, you’re opening my heart right now.

Y – And what do you feel as that happens?

W – I feel desire, like a deeper breathing, a resonance with an abundant universe, like no shortage of oxygen.

Y – Simplify that a bit for me.

W – I feel good.

Y – You-feel-good. Good. You were created to feel good.

W – A feel good religion?

Y – Totally. I never claimed anything more or less.

W – You didn’t balk at the word, ‘religion’?

Y – I never challenged people’s religions, I challenged their inauthenticity with themselves. Many people are originally drawn to a religion because it made them feel really good. I just want to revive their feel good mechanism, by getting them in touch with how bad they are actually feeling.

W – That’s almost too basic, Yeshua. It’s like offensive to the sophisticated self.

Y – Real learning is soo childlike. Children are natural and complete learners.

W – I love that line of yours – ‘Allow the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven’.

Y – Yeah, and don’t forget the back story. It was a bunch of adults clamoring around me, and they were shushing the noisy children from interrupting their order. I had to make them feel that those childrens interruptions were actually far more in line with learning than their clamoring energy.

W – I can so feel in me a desire to de-adultize myself right now.

Y – I feel that in you and it feels good.

W – Any advice on how to bolster that?

Y – Yes, feel the difference between the pursuit of knowledge or learning or ability from this tainted adult mindset of sophisticated learning and then feel the raw curiosity that the young child has before he or she β€˜learned’ to feel superior because of what they learned, which was actually their first damper on learning. Ok, that was a long sentence. What I meant to say is, feel the difference between what is meant and felt by the popular usage of the word ‘learning’, feel the bullshit in it, and then feel the young child’s curiosity, wonder. Ok, that was another long sentence. The short answer is….’feel.’

W – It’s like I can feel the feel good reality like a small child knows it and compare that with the heavily dampened adult feel good reality that is mostly a medicative mechanism.

Y – Yes, you were meant to feel good, and when you don’t feel good, that feeling is the feeling you are given to be with.

W – Like a child doesn’t always feel good?

Y – True, but don’t mistake happiness and contentment or the lack thereof with an absence of feeling.

W – Huh?

Y – The child cries when its needs are not met. It is in feeling touch with its needs, and it makes noise and scrunches up to signal that it wants something. It wants to return to feeling good, but it is still in feeling reality. Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

W – It’s like the child is in touch and so is current with their feelings. Loss or need is expressing in the present, so there isn’t pain or baggage being carried from previous undigested losses.

Y – And that, my friend, is the big dilemma that you are wrestling with in the ache to return to essence. How does one process pain so as to make it digestible?

W – Please go on…

Y – I’d like to learn for a moment here. You give me your best childlike feeling-based answer to that question. Don’t worry if your adult language gets a bit wordy.

W – Hmm, it starts with an awareness that something is limiting and enclosing me off from the quality of the oxygen I was once used to. I don’t expect that I should feel good all the time, but now I recognize that I have become OK with feeling bad. I no longer scream or scrunch up or cry. The only way through the backlog of the baggage of pain, that is the pain I chose to carry along with me, rather than feel it in the moment.

Y – I love that. Simple as that.

W – But there are entire doctorates of learning on this subject in the mental health world.

Y – When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

W – Why does learning deny simplicity?

Y – Great childlike question. Why do you think it does that?

W – Well, what comes first for me is the self image grab that folks are looking for in sophistication.

Y – And why would anyone be out looking to grab onto self image?

W – Because they lack a feeling good self, as they are, that needs no image at all.

Y – And why do they lack a feeling good self?

W – Because they stopped feeling good somewhere along the way.

Y – And how did that come about?

W – I think it’s because they were threatened with conformity and fear of loss by a caregiver telling them and training them to be different than they were being.

Y – And why would a tragedy such as that occur under the pretense of care, no less?

W – Because the adult was no longer comfortable with the raw feelings of the child and misery wants company.

Y – And why would misery need company to such degree to sacrifice one’s own child for the cause?

W – Because adults are fucked. Mostly.

Y – What are you feeling as you say that?

W – I’m feeling pissed at how I was duped into giving up my reality for theirs.

Y – There’s a true learning feeling-need that wants to scream and scrunch up. Give it the oxygen that it once knew, but has β€˜learned’ to do without.

W – Screaming and oxygen go together.

Y – Yes, good one. You find the scream by tracing back to where you left off the path feeling truly good, and then scream like hell every time you feel tempted to sacrifice your own truth under the barbaric guise of care.

W – Without getting hauled off to the looney bin?

Y – There’s no way to do that actually. If it’s not the literal looney bin, it’s the figurative one being excommunicated by your social world.

W – Where belonging means shutting up just like at 2 years old.

Y – What are you taking from all of this today, Wayne?

W – I so want to re-authorize, even so much more than I already have, my felt reality.

Y – And what is that?

W – My felt reality is self permission to feel and to desire.

Y – Say more.

W – Well, part of me actually is very native still to this feeling desiring world like the one I was born into, but a part of me that has regulated down this reality and judged it as unsafe. I still need to apply for permits to it to have feeling β€˜events,’ rather than being simply in full time feeling reality.

Y – And why are you bringing this up on this journey blog series with me?

W – You brought this up?

Y – But you’re talking with yourself.

W – No, you’re talking with yourself.

Y – Good one. You guys are all trying to get spiritual by seeking to know and feel your divinity, while divinity is trying to get in touch with its humanity.

W – That’s kind of a mindblower.

Y – Yeah, thought so. It’s not, ‘what would Jesus do?’ It’s, ‘what would Wayne do?’ What would Wayne do if he was really in his truest human expression where no undigested pain of conformity and compliance were setting the sails?

W – Whoa, now there’s a reality I’d like to find. A back to essence journey. I don’t know the answer to that.

Y – And you know, the divine doesn’t either. It’s reading the book hoping for its money’s worth in an engaging, moving, and learning story. Stories that have stopped learning are complete. They die and return to essence and get back to their beginnings of curiosity and wonder. That’s why you are drawn to journey, Wayne. It’s renewing your lease on learning, not from a place of the power of knowing, but from a place of the wonder and magic of not knowing.

W – So what now?

Y – Breathe deep and feel.

W – But I’ve got a ton of stuff that I feel need guidance, effort, attention and decisions around this adventure that seems to be possessing me more and more.

Y – And the first order of business is deep breathing and feeling like a child does and getting back to essence because that is the entire journey in a nutshell. Everything you learn and grow in in this discovery is nothing more than that. You just need lots of varied life freed from what you’ve learned to get back to learning and to being alive.

W – Okay, there’s a good pause point, because I actually have all the time in the world.

Y – All the time in the world has you.

W – : ) Thanks, Yeshua, Not sure what that means, but I’ll let it in.

Y – Breathe in, Breathe out.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. ReadΒ 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended TeacherΒ and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.