Re-Release of ’90 Days With Yeshua’

perception

By Raphael Awen

I am about to re-release soon the book ‘90 Days With Yeshua’ that I wrote in 2013. In preparation for that, I decided to write a prologue in the same fashion of our conversations from the book and felt to share them here as I do. It will be over a few days of dialogue and today is day one of that below. I hope to have you join me for the ride. Enjoy…

Raphael: Yeshua, This is Raphael. I’d like to reconnect.

Yeshua: Ahh, Raphael, yes let’s connect, you changed your name Man!

R: I did, Wayne left the building for the most part.

Y: Wow, My heart is warmed feeling from you…

R: ‘warmed feeling from you?’

Y: Hey man, we always made shit up didn’t we?

R: I guess we did, we sure did, and so here we are without missing a beat.

Y: No, I’ve missed our beat for sure. Glad you want to check in…very glad.

R: I feel our hearts recalibrating in the moment.

Y: I do too. Life isn’t the same without you, or was it Wayne? …who is Raphael anyway?

R: What was that, like 36 seconds in and you want to go deep…

Y: Hey man, we earned our dues together. No one else has ever done a 90 day stint together like we did.

R: And what a ride it was and still is for me. I need to reread it all again in the moment, to let it in again. The ground we covered in heart and learning was so moving. I think Raphael is the birth of all that we walked out together in words and heart.

Y: So what’s up now, like 365 days with Raphael or something? That sounds really good actually.

R: Well, not so fast…the bigger reason I wanted to connect is that I’m re-releasing the 90 days book and wanted offer a prologue to the new release of our heart and energy together.

Y: Okay, I’m in, but who knows where it might end up going?

R: Why does a part of me have a feeling that you already know the answer to that question?

Y: I know I’m not the same since we connected. Relationship is the great mover, if we’re willing to show up for it.

R: I miss you and our connection when you put it like that. Sometimes it feels like I simply made you up out of my deep longing for real connection.

Y: That’s the deal Wayne, I mean Raphael, you are continually making yourself up and everyone around you for that matter. We don’t perceive people as they are, they are as we perceive them for all intents and purposes, relationally speaking.

R: So then I am making you up…?

Y: Relationally, I can’t be to you anything outside of your perception of me. Christians see me a certain way, the son of an asshole, I might add, and that’s where we end up…talk about ‘made up’ in a right screwed up kind of way.

R: I’m sorry.

Y: Sorry about my edginess?

R: No, not at all, I’m sorry for what you’ve had to endure.

Y: Thank you. I feel over it mostly. And if there’s any of that anger still to work out, It will in its own way and time I trust, probably through relating with you, I might add.

R: That’s touching Yeshua. I’m glad to find our ground again. I want to perceive you as you are, rather than as who I am making you up to be, but you said it doesn’t quite work that way…help me out here if you can…

Y: When you know you are perceiving me through a filter, you become conscious of that filter, and you take ownership of that filter to whatever degree you can…which is primarily simply coming to terms with the truth that your perceiver skews perception, then you are in admission of that, and THAT is what allows for a much deeper and truer knowing.

R: ‘not-knowing my way to knowing’…I know we covered that in 90 Days, more than once. It was an ongoing theme.

Y: So what do you know now Raphael?

R: I know that I don’t know, and that knowledge leads to deep trust and surrender. I know I am loved. I know I live in a perfect and benevolent universe. I know all is love. I know I am infinite love, surrounded by infinite love, sourced from love, returning to love, being re-membered back into infinite love. And all the rest is a stageplay pointing me back to this home over and over again.

Y: Now, you’ve got me worried that I’m just making you up. You are like too good to be true…

R: Well, we’re in good company then, and Yes, I did take in that compliment, and I’m sure I will be for hours or the rest of my life in some way. You are thee coolest guide and heart lover there is.

Y: I’ll bet you say that to all your guides.

R: I do actually. I’ve been introduced to a bunch since I learned to connect with you, and really, thanks to you.

Y: So what would you offer others who are reading this about connection itself? You and I can go on for like days, but I’m feeling to include the readers of our dialogue here to, which we are in our feeling tone energetics together, but what would you say to them directly?

R: I’d like to share with them my experience that all the connection they can imagine, quite literally, is theirs for the letting in. You don’t need to spiritually evolved or enlightened to do this. In fact, it helps a lot if you aren’t any of those bull shit things. You only need desire and willingness and a big dollop of self permission.

Y: Which is all sourced in the self…the desire, willingness and permission,…which makes this something anyone can have, and no one can take away…which is really fucking cool!

R: You don’t even need to have all pretty and polite language…:)

Y: Pretty and polite will keep you outside of this actually. Until, we are ready to feel what’s real down to the core of where we live and what we want, nothing can move. Then no matter how much prettiness is faked on the cake, it just won’t bake. I don’t want to be in any pretense with you Raphael. Wayne and I got into shit fully, with our heart and souls dirty and wrung out where we live.

R: Wayne is moved to tears right now as you just love-waved that. Thank you Yeshua….I love that love isn’t anything we’ve imagined it to be hardly.

Y: Well, he has my deepest respect. He, and you, are deep soul family, and that’s not because we popped out of the same pipe at the same time, but rather because we lived out the same choices and came to the same heart resonance together…and feel called to live that out as a soul gift to others…

R: Why do I always feel so opened out after talking to you?

Y: Well that gets back to not being able to come to know ourselves but through relationship in real life…we just had ourselves a big dose of self reflection and self love together.

R: Yeshua, I think that’s a lot for one day. Are you up for tomorrow?

Y: I am if you are…and you are, I can tell, so I am…

R: Keep an eye for me, I’ll be back soon.

Y: I know you will. I will to.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information and inspiration.

 

Moving From Materialism to ‘Motherialism’- Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Five

 

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Fully feel every fear contraction. Let the fear be felt, held and loved, and thereby transmuted into true courage that can choose new love.

Wayne – Hey, Yeshua. Jillian just asked me if all the typing noise was me talking to you. I told her it wasn’t and then I realized how much I miss our connection.

Yeshua – Interesting how women can ask questions that are more than curiosity, huh?

W – Sometimes maddening, but only to the part of me stuck on staying small.

Y – What’s rocking your world?

W – You mean my cradle?

Y – What do I mean?…you tell me.

W – Well, it feels like a lot going through the pipe right now as we plan to leave in October to Mexico with a busy spell of painting contracts this past few weeks as we gather resources. Last night, I had this lucid dream about falling in love, and in it I was explaining the difference between falling in love and choosing real love, still based on deep desire, of course. I think the dream has something to do with Mexico.

Y – Now, there’s a great picture. People talk about the magic of falling in love, as if it is an unexpected accident; something they don’t choose. If they get a bit more meta-physical about it, then they suppose that love chose them. But, in both scenarios, their picture is that they were not the ones taking action. The only problem is that to follow the ‘I had nothing to do with falling in love’ picture is that a whole bunch of choices are coming straight at them. They are going to need to have a whole lot to do with the love for it to flourish or to die.

W – But, I still like the feeling of surprise that new love brings, like something that came out of nowhere.

Y – Being in life is being in love. Love moves every cell in the universe, and love moves every universe in the cell. It’s all love through and through. The feeling of surprise is just part of the juice of the game of renewed trust that invites us and encourages us to let in another big gulp of that love.

W – But then, for most people, the magic of romance seems to wear off.

Y – ‘Wears off’ is again a victim’s picture. The victim says, ‘Love surprised me by its entry and then surprised me again by its exit.’ No! You were too afraid to really let yourself consciously dream of your next phase of letting in love and how that might look and how you might cooperate responsibly to begin preparing for that. You needed to moderate love’s flow into a toned down picture of leaving yourself out of it. The same goes for seeing love’s ebb as something outside of yourself.

W – So, what does your picture look like in contrast?

Y – As you get more and more in shape heart-wise, you begin to accept more and more that you are love’s experiment.

W – Experiment?

Y – I know what you’re thinking. That ‘experiment’ is a bad word because many experiments fail. But love never fails. Love keeps its heart open in any circumstance. It is only in this way that love can come to know itself. The cool thing is that love is fixated on knowing itself in and through you. It wants to keep bringing you new love deals that feel like falling in love. It’s always up to the individual if they want it or not.

W – Usually it’s not a question of if they want it or not. It’s a question of if they want what comes with it or not.

Y – Exactly. Good point.

W – Thank you. Talking with you, for instance, comes with a bunch of challenges.

Y – Whadda you mean, man?!

W – Love always leads to choice. Choices always test the limits of our courage, challenge our identity, and challenge our current cradle.

Y – You saying that I do that?

W – I’m saying that you always advocate for letting in my next piece as courageously as I can.

Y – Okay, that I do do.

W – That you do do.

Y – do-do.

W – do-do.

Y – This is the essential do-do of life. Life begets life. Life moves.

W – And then we try to arrest it somehow, make it more stationary and predictable.

Y – And that’s all because we cannot accept that life is not afraid of death, but instead embraces death as love’s and life’s never ending opening to love.

W – But that takes some serious being in heart shape to dance with.

Y – Yes it does. The divine doesn’t want you to self destruct or suffer but at the same time, the divine won’t fret too much over your choices to stay stuck. It knows that love never fails.

W – It just has a longer term picture than we do.

Y – It takes the time it takes.

W – And we have nothing but time.

Y – Time to experiment and be in love.

W – I want more love.

Y – But that requires leaving the cradle of security that you currently know.

W – And choosing that… as in planning to give up my geography, my language, my livelihood, and this paradise of living beside the ocean and a forest and a creek definitely has its ebbs and flows of excitement and desire and, then, contractions.

Y – And all you are asked to do is fully feel every contraction. Let the fear be felt and held and loved. It is only as a fear is felt that it can be transmuted into true courage that can choose new love and all that it asks you to choose.

W – So then, it’s natural for me to give up something really good for something that isn’t a sure deal.

Y – It’s natural for what was a sure deal to lose its luster as it invites you to choose again. The luster fades as part of the invitation. You staying in a geography that has been a heaven to you can turn it into a hell. All the moralizing about ‘blooming where you are planted’ won’t change that.

W – And this is what leaves me inside of love’s essence…choosing what life is bringing me next.

Y – It really is that simple. Life always changes. It’s up to you to go along or not.

W – And if we don’t go along……

Y – You suffer, but love doesn’t really. Love moves. Suffering is a static state that doesn’t move. Suffering is chosen by the soul as a way to remain in stasis while more courage is cultivated to reenter the flow.

W – And whole new heavens await if we move with love.

Y – They so do.

W – From do do to so do.

Y – That’s what’s rocking your cradle, a newer and better cradle.

W – Why would we ever substitute materialism for this?

Y – This is the real ‘mater’ of materialism. Mother is derived from the word Mater. Mother realism.

W – Whoa. So I am moving from what we call materialism to ‘Motherialism.’

Y – And Mother wants to meet (realize) your ‘material’ needs.

W – I just need to let that in some more.

Y – Let your current cradle tip over into the next one.

W – And become very ‘Motherialistic.’

Y – Let Mother be your reality.

W – Okay, I’ll be a few days digesting that.

Y – Yes, you will.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and be in eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Learning Wants To Possess You With Childlike Wonder – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Four

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

The wonder of being a small child has been crowded out by what we learned (posessed) and replaced with duty, obligation and entitlement.

Wayne – Yeshua, Good Morning? Are your ears on?

Yeshua – Always on, my man.

W – I like it when you call me that…:)

Y – Good! What’s up, my man?

W – I’d like to ask you about learning.

Y – You never get enough do you? We talked about that already, didn’t we?

W – Yeah, but I forgot it all.

Y – Well, how am I supposed to learn you anything if you can’t remember?

W – The fun was in learning, and going ‘wow,’ so I figured if I forgot it all, then I could have fun relearning it. I got that from you actually. Forgetting shit is what leads to being re-membered.

Y – See that, you are learning.

W – Learning to know how to be in not knowing.

Y – And THAT is what tickets you into the theatre of real learning which is always and ever beholding wonder. Wonder by definition is not knowing. Canned knowledge, the kind that most peddle in schools, is learning stripped of wonder.

W – How do I get back to being in wonder, then? I know I suffer from the deadness you are referring to.

Y – Like any other learning, you hold the quest of the question, and see that you can never own or be entitled to any knowing, you can only and ever humbly be a partaker of the wonder, and temporarily at that.

W – Whoa…

Y – And realize that all knowledge is born of not knowing and eventually returns to being forgotten, which is to renunciate (for-get) ownership of the knowledge that was gotten.

W – Knowledge will cease…

Y – Yes, in order to let die what is dying and make way for new wonder.

W – So how do I apply that to say, my spanish studies, is what I’d like to know? By the way, Yeshua, I can so feel the part of me invested in this conversation who feels like a late teenager but is so wanting to learn and grow and make his life count.

Y – Hello to that part of you, Wayne. I recall him as Marvin, yes?

W – Yes, Marvin says ‘Hey Yeshua.’ I think I’ll just let him in on this conversation.

Y – Hey Marvin, I’m liking your desire to be in wonder.

Marvin – Thanks, Yeshua.

Y – What would you say about what we are talking about?

M – I’m feeling how the wonder of being a small child has been forgotten and crowded out by what we learned in school and how getting back to aliveness is about unlearning, not more learning, at least in the way we’ve related to learning.

Y – That says it in a really cool way. And it says how even the essence of childlike wonder is forgotten, but its imprint remains and calls to us.

M – Which is what I want to get back to.

Y- Why?

M – Because it’s boring and dead to be removed from wonder.

Y – Here’s a secret, you don’t need to go back to anything. Nature doesn’t work that way.

M – Huh?

Y – You can get to where you want to be by going forward.

M – That sounds good, but how do I do that?

Y – The childlike wonder gave rise to canned knowledge and to adultlike duty and obligation and entitlement that crowded out the wonder, right?

M – Exactly.

Y – So duty,obligation, and entitlement killed the wonder. Feel the deadness of what you once treasured, how it feels so hopeless to ever return to wonder. That is being in the deadness, which is never dead as we think of it. Death is always alchemical and transmutational. The compost heap of yesterday’s knowledge wants to transmute into the rich and vital organic soil of new wonder.

M – Forgetting in order to be re-membered…

Y – …into never ending wonder

M – How does that relate to our spanish lessons then?

Y – Know that as you learn to speak any word or phrase in spanish, it is being given to you, entrusted, you cannot own it. You don’t actually own english. Owning is the entitled sense that you have english conquered, and thereby you killed the wonder of the experience. Instead feel how language is a collective energy of flowing, not static knowledge, that is given to those who will steward this energy. Get that down pat and you should be able to learn Spanish just fine.

M – But I need to let go of trying to capture the knowledge…

Y – Yes, that’s it. Instead seek to be the grandest host you can be for the knowledge, be a temporary steward of it in its never ending cycle of death and rebirth into more and more wonder. Knowing and not knowing.

M – But I still feel a lot of energy to possess the learning, nail it down, get ahead and all that stuff.

Y – Feel instead how learning wants to possess you. It wants to be hosted in you, animated by you. Learning and wonder can’t have its fun without you.

M – So sign up for letting wonder be reborn in me?

Y – Totally.

M – Thanks, Yeshua

Y – You’re so welcome. I so wait for the day that more folks get onto this phase of real learning. There’s so much more wonder aching to be born.

Wayne – Whoa, Marvin’s an energy all of his own. We were up late last night eating vegan chocolate ice cream and studying spanish, and then we got onto what is real learning and he wanted to talk this out with you. Between the chocolate and the excitement, it was hard getting to sleep. My head still hurts.

Y – I love that feeling of new desire leading and aching out what feels like birth contractions.

W – My aching head needs some more life space to integrate all this Yesh. I think I’ll break here.

Y – Yeah, learning is never ending and it needs life to be in it healthily.

W – Now you can’t stop.

Y – No I can’t. Wonder is so very cool. Thank you Wayne and Marvin for your desire to learn. Learning is all just desire, you know?

W – No, I don’t know, but I’ll save that for another day.

Y – Desire, set free from possessing.

W – Next day Yeshua, Okay.

Y – This is why we have cycles of days you know, to let in more wonder.

W – No I don’t know.

Y – Good!

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

All Learning Is Actually Heart-Based Learning – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Three

 

 

 

missiontomewayneBy Wayne Vriend

Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

Wayne – Good morning again, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, what is moving in you?

W – Jillian and I are oceanside, up on a ridge, plenty of view through tall evergreens, great sun, finally warm and the oxygen is amazing.

Y – You noticed the oxygen?

W – I take a deep breath of it when I step outside. It’s pure and alive.

Y – So you’re breathing deeper?

W – Yeah, that’s true physically and metaphorically.

Y – Things that are true physically are true metaphorically.

W – As in?

Y – One day at a time is true physically, right?

W – Uh-huh.

Y – and it’s true metaphorically.

W – We’re getting too simple, part of me says…

Y – You can never get too simple. It’s in the simplicity that complexity is both born as well as sustained.

W – Are you taking us on a mental trip this morning?

Y – We’re only using the mental as a vehicle to probe the heart and open the heart. All learning is actually heart-based learning. All learning begins with feeling and is even sustained by feeling.

W – Wouldn’t some math students beg to differ?

Y – The math student that labors dutifully with learning and doesn’t seem to engage his heart actually has his heart deeply engaged in the process. He just isn’t aware of it. Somewhere in his heart, he has agreed that to get ahead, or to get acceptance, he must sacrifice himself to the most heartless and boring form of learning. It may look like a bunch of mental learning, but it is a human heart first that is the agency of the mind. In this case, it is a wounded heart, on life support that’s leading.

W – Whoa, you’re opening my heart right now.

Y – And what do you feel as that happens?

W – I feel desire, like a deeper breathing, a resonance with an abundant universe, like no shortage of oxygen.

Y – Simplify that a bit for me.

W – I feel good.

Y – You-feel-good. Good. You were created to feel good.

W – A feel good religion?

Y – Totally. I never claimed anything more or less.

W – You didn’t balk at the word, ‘religion’?

Y – I never challenged people’s religions, I challenged their inauthenticity with themselves. Many people are originally drawn to a religion because it made them feel really good. I just want to revive their feel good mechanism, by getting them in touch with how bad they are actually feeling.

W – That’s almost too basic, Yeshua. It’s like offensive to the sophisticated self.

Y – Real learning is soo childlike. Children are natural and complete learners.

W – I love that line of yours – ‘Allow the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven’.

Y – Yeah, and don’t forget the back story. It was a bunch of adults clamoring around me, and they were shushing the noisy children from interrupting their order. I had to make them feel that those childrens interruptions were actually far more in line with learning than their clamoring energy.

W – I can so feel in me a desire to de-adultize myself right now.

Y – I feel that in you and it feels good.

W – Any advice on how to bolster that?

Y – Yes, feel the difference between the pursuit of knowledge or learning or ability from this tainted adult mindset of sophisticated learning and then feel the raw curiosity that the young child has before he or she ‘learned’ to feel superior because of what they learned, which was actually their first damper on learning. Ok, that was a long sentence. What I meant to say is, feel the difference between what is meant and felt by the popular usage of the word ‘learning’, feel the bullshit in it, and then feel the young child’s curiosity, wonder. Ok, that was another long sentence. The short answer is….’feel.’

W – It’s like I can feel the feel good reality like a small child knows it and compare that with the heavily dampened adult feel good reality that is mostly a medicative mechanism.

Y – Yes, you were meant to feel good, and when you don’t feel good, that feeling is the feeling you are given to be with.

W – Like a child doesn’t always feel good?

Y – True, but don’t mistake happiness and contentment or the lack thereof with an absence of feeling.

W – Huh?

Y – The child cries when its needs are not met. It is in feeling touch with its needs, and it makes noise and scrunches up to signal that it wants something. It wants to return to feeling good, but it is still in feeling reality. Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

W – It’s like the child is in touch and so is current with their feelings. Loss or need is expressing in the present, so there isn’t pain or baggage being carried from previous undigested losses.

Y – And that, my friend, is the big dilemma that you are wrestling with in the ache to return to essence. How does one process pain so as to make it digestible?

W – Please go on…

Y – I’d like to learn for a moment here. You give me your best childlike feeling-based answer to that question. Don’t worry if your adult language gets a bit wordy.

W – Hmm, it starts with an awareness that something is limiting and enclosing me off from the quality of the oxygen I was once used to. I don’t expect that I should feel good all the time, but now I recognize that I have become OK with feeling bad. I no longer scream or scrunch up or cry. The only way through the backlog of the baggage of pain, that is the pain I chose to carry along with me, rather than feel it in the moment.

Y – I love that. Simple as that.

W – But there are entire doctorates of learning on this subject in the mental health world.

Y – When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

W – Why does learning deny simplicity?

Y – Great childlike question. Why do you think it does that?

W – Well, what comes first for me is the self image grab that folks are looking for in sophistication.

Y – And why would anyone be out looking to grab onto self image?

W – Because they lack a feeling good self, as they are, that needs no image at all.

Y – And why do they lack a feeling good self?

W – Because they stopped feeling good somewhere along the way.

Y – And how did that come about?

W – I think it’s because they were threatened with conformity and fear of loss by a caregiver telling them and training them to be different than they were being.

Y – And why would a tragedy such as that occur under the pretense of care, no less?

W – Because the adult was no longer comfortable with the raw feelings of the child and misery wants company.

Y – And why would misery need company to such degree to sacrifice one’s own child for the cause?

W – Because adults are fucked. Mostly.

Y – What are you feeling as you say that?

W – I’m feeling pissed at how I was duped into giving up my reality for theirs.

Y – There’s a true learning feeling-need that wants to scream and scrunch up. Give it the oxygen that it once knew, but has ‘learned’ to do without.

W – Screaming and oxygen go together.

Y – Yes, good one. You find the scream by tracing back to where you left off the path feeling truly good, and then scream like hell every time you feel tempted to sacrifice your own truth under the barbaric guise of care.

W – Without getting hauled off to the looney bin?

Y – There’s no way to do that actually. If it’s not the literal looney bin, it’s the figurative one being excommunicated by your social world.

W – Where belonging means shutting up just like at 2 years old.

Y – What are you taking from all of this today, Wayne?

W – I so want to re-authorize, even so much more than I already have, my felt reality.

Y – And what is that?

W – My felt reality is self permission to feel and to desire.

Y – Say more.

W – Well, part of me actually is very native still to this feeling desiring world like the one I was born into, but a part of me that has regulated down this reality and judged it as unsafe. I still need to apply for permits to it to have feeling ‘events,’ rather than being simply in full time feeling reality.

Y – And why are you bringing this up on this journey blog series with me?

W – You brought this up?

Y – But you’re talking with yourself.

W – No, you’re talking with yourself.

Y – Good one. You guys are all trying to get spiritual by seeking to know and feel your divinity, while divinity is trying to get in touch with its humanity.

W – That’s kind of a mindblower.

Y – Yeah, thought so. It’s not, ‘what would Jesus do?’ It’s, ‘what would Wayne do?’ What would Wayne do if he was really in his truest human expression where no undigested pain of conformity and compliance were setting the sails?

W – Whoa, now there’s a reality I’d like to find. A back to essence journey. I don’t know the answer to that.

Y – And you know, the divine doesn’t either. It’s reading the book hoping for its money’s worth in an engaging, moving, and learning story. Stories that have stopped learning are complete. They die and return to essence and get back to their beginnings of curiosity and wonder. That’s why you are drawn to journey, Wayne. It’s renewing your lease on learning, not from a place of the power of knowing, but from a place of the wonder and magic of not knowing.

W – So what now?

Y – Breathe deep and feel.

W – But I’ve got a ton of stuff that I feel need guidance, effort, attention and decisions around this adventure that seems to be possessing me more and more.

Y – And the first order of business is deep breathing and feeling like a child does and getting back to essence because that is the entire journey in a nutshell. Everything you learn and grow in in this discovery is nothing more than that. You just need lots of varied life freed from what you’ve learned to get back to learning and to being alive.

W – Okay, there’s a good pause point, because I actually have all the time in the world.

Y – All the time in the world has you.

W – : ) Thanks, Yeshua, Not sure what that means, but I’ll let it in.

Y – Breathe in, Breathe out.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

You Can’t Take A Journey And Stay Where You Are – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Two

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Staying where you are is a settler’s picture, and it is all right and good when the stars are aligned for that. Settling follows journey though, and is a reward and a natural sequence of rest following a great undertaking. People in your culture find no joy or depth of meaning in their settling and instead get jacked up on religion, materialism, and pop culture because their settling wasn’t preceded by any journey of heart and passion. They’re just doing time in the culture they were born into.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, Good Morning.

W – Summers definitely here, a bit on the early side of it, but it’s here. The morning birdsong is really sweet.

Y – Cool. What’s cooking now?

W – Well, this is a daily ride already, daily ups and downs. Yesterday was an opened out feeling after our talk and then a contraction of mourning and what felt like a fear, even some tears, but I think the word ‘contraction’ better describes it than a fear, though there is definitely concern for how we will be around food and shelter and safety.

Y – What was the contraction over?

W – It felt like some sadness over letting go of the place we’ve made home, our attachment to it, the comfort in it. Jillian and I have been in the Motorhome RV we call Terra for 5 months now, and it’s just been getting to a place where part of me really likes the ease and simplicity of it, the easy budget, the reduced efforts around chasing fiat currency, the trees, the creek, the ocean.

Y – I love how you guys are so current with your feelings. You wouldn’t be able to walk this out with a bunch of unfelt and unhealed reactions clogging your heart.

W – Thank you, Yeshua. I’ve had that very same feeling. It feels good to let in that we have come a long ways, that we have achieved something, that we reached for something that mattered in pursuing our own emotional healing and especially the letting go of what stood in the way of that. It’s hurt like hell at times, but the rewards have been present tense.

Y – It doesn’t get talked about because it has been so off radar. Hell, it was off my radar. Being in shape emotionally takes work and choice and a way of life to support that. It’s what’s next for humanity.

W – You said a moment ago ‘being able to walk this out?’ Can you tell me more about what this is?

Y – You don’t know?

W – I know what I don’t know.

Y – I like that answer. 🙂 THIS is a growth in discovery, beginning from where you are right now, where desire and choice are emerging into your consciousness, precipitating more desire and the contractions you refer to. It’s a process that you surrender to, that changes you as you go. You can’t linearly and literally know what this is, but you can feel it and respond to it in real and grounded ways where the heart is leading and clarity is following and trailing close behind. It’s like we talked about before…….you can’t steer a parked car. It begins with motion.

W – I like what you said yesterday, or was it me? That you can’t embark on a journey and stay where you are.

Y – I said that.

W – I thought it was me.

Y – Well, we’re wrapped up in this pretty closely. Maybe we both downloaded it and one of us spoke it. Speaking prophetically is as easy as falling off a log when you open your heart and let out your desire.

W – I’m learning that and liking that. Somehow though that simple statement about staying or leaving hits me deeply. Can you say more in that prophetic energy of yours?

Y – Staying where you are is a settler’s picture, and it is all right and good when the stars are aligned for that. Settling follows journey though, and is a reward and a natural sequence of rest following a great undertaking. People in your culture find no joy or depth of meaning in their settling and instead get jacked up on religion, materialism, and pop culture because their settling wasn’t preceded by any journey of heart and passion. They’re just doing time in the culture they were born into.

W – I feel that in myself with all the journeying I’ve done this life. I heard it said years ago that all of life is essentially about entering and leaving. I like that because it makes sacred in our awareness all the stages and phases of life, even how we enter and hopefully leave times of darkness, or being asleep to deeper reality, both personally and collectively.

Y – It’s really coded deep into human life. Every human life is a journey, starting with a cell or two. Desire leads it on. Contractions are not intended to arrest the journey, but to open it out to deeper meaning and fulfillment. The divine is seeking its own fulfillment through you. The fullness that fills all in all and all that.

W – For me personally, I feel I’m approaching a ceiling in my growth where to remain too much longer in this culture and country of my birth seems to be grating against my next growth edge. And it’s getting really boring and uninteresting as well.

Y – So what’s your sense of what’s at stake?

W – Well, that’s emerging more than it is here for me in stark clarity, but what I can feel right now is I know I am meant to inhabit a deeper passion, a deeper leadership, a deeper soul energetic that people around can feel that compels them to drop their own facades and false gods. I’m having trouble doing that where I am also invested in the settler’s making ends meet picture, and fitting into some charismatic leader picture that draws a following.

Y – I say fuck the charismatic leader picture, Wayne. Charisma, as it’s become known today is almost a hundred percent bullshit. The era of the charismatic leader is over and it’s not selling like it used to. It was a good ride while it lasted, but mostly in the sense that it brought us collectively to a readiness to abandon that ship and seek a much more seaworthy vessel for the journey of our lives. Realness will soon be the only currency that spends in the domains of what actually matters.

W – Okay then. Fuck that picture. I really spent a long time in my life imagining myself as a sought after and famous charismatic leader. My buy-in into Christianity this life and others was mostly about that I can feel now, to be about ‘what really mattered,’ and to be well known for that.

Y – It may well be in your soul path, Wayne, to be well known at some point, but right now, every well known leader is in the middle of a collective bullshit detector shit storm where humanity is growing up and owning their own responsibility to follow their own lead. If you can lead in that, whoever follows, in whatever number, won’t lack for any meaning or fulfillment.

W – So we’re in the midst of these ideological journeys as a species that involve leaving safe shores and letting die things that were really treasured and revered…

Y – …that mirrors the physical journey you guys are feeling called to. The journey you take always manifests itself in real life action and choice. Deadness and boredom are a manifestation of remaining somewhere when you are called to leave. Leaving is the path to re-engagement.

W – Yeshua, what about the folks, though, that relate to travel or leaving as some medication to their unfelt emotional pains?

Y – Yeah, like the Christians who can’t wait for the rapture.

W – Exactly, or the folks who can’t wait for their next package ‘vacation.’

Y – Only people who are stuck see travel as a dream, or a medication for their pain. You’ve dealt to a pretty high degree with your stuckness this life having finished up with Christianity and a marriage that was complete and a self image that was running out of gas in all of that. Leaving a culture behind that you are considering now isn’t a travel package; it’s a next step into life. You’re not vacating something that you plan to return to, your leaving something behind for good, because it gets burned up as you go. There’s nothing to return to. That’s why parts of you, of course, have their necessary contraction reaction. It’s no different really than leaving the womb.

W – You’re a lot to take in, Yeshua.

Y – Did you get that point? – contractions precede birthings.

W – I know you can’t quit…yes, I need to take in that point…thank you. Thank you for your willingness to digest and feel this whole emerging trajectory with me. I feel this whole thing can be so much more lovingly navigated than what part of me imagines it to be at times.

Y – Well, like you said, this is a mission first to every part of yourself. In the end, you’re the only person you can save.

W – Is that true?

Y – Let’s save that for another day.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

The World Of Never Ending Discovery – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day One

missiontome

By Wayne Vriend

This discovery is about actually making real inside of you and outside of you a new story, that doesn’t impose anything on anyone, but offers the same heart open invitation to others that you are making to yourself. It’s ready to feel anything and everything that comes up along the way to be felt and re-membered back into your heart.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning, Wayne.

W – I know that’s kind of a cultural greeting, but it somehow works for us.

Y – It works for us because our hearts are open, and that energy transmutes the words into heartland.

W – Energy really is more than the words or the language, isn’t it?

Y – Way more. The language is born from the energy. The connecting starts first in the energy, then that opens out into shared dialect, which makes for dialogue, or conversation, from and by which you are literally ‘converted.’

W – Whoa, you feel ready to go…

Y – I am.

W – You say, ‘literally converted’…

Y – Yeah, that’s using words to provoke and awaken. It’s a license I give myself. It doesn’t always find its target, but I keep probing till it does.

W – There’s been a lot of ‘conversion’ energy gone on in your name, so I’m curious why you chose such a charged word.

Y – Yeah, that’s the cool thing about charged words; they help crack through the shell of normalcy and return you to wonder and awe with the world around you. The wonder of language works well for both putting to sleep or to awakening. I chose the word convert, to draw awareness to its root of conversation. From there, it’s easy to feel how either a conversation can be imbued with heart, which cannot leave both parties unchanged, or it can be imbued with the mental mechanics of head designed to screen out the heart, which leaves both parties deadened. Conversation of heart brings both to conversion.

W – Conversion to what though?

Y – Conversion to the world of heart. It’s a return to essence. It’s a return to the life force interconnecting all living things and all matter, on all planes, both seen and unseen. Something like that.

W – It’s got me going.

Y – Do you remember I said ‘you need not that any man teach you, for the spirit of truth shall lead you into all truth.’

W – I do recall. King James english and all.

Y – See, thou knowest. 🙂 Here’s the deal though, I was a man teaching that you don’t need a man to teach you. What I meant was your heart is sovereign over the influence of any other. Through the heart, you can feel what feels true and what doesn’t. You can only and ever follow your truth. That mechanism gets messed up though when people are unable to access their own heart and that dimension is blocked and there is no healthy self ‘author’-ity. Then they are left to being converted by an other instead of being mutually changed into more and more heartland expression.

W – I like that.

Y – I like that too, and can get caught up in the theory of it all, but we didn’t come here just to mentally masturbate over metaphysics,…. what brings you here, Wayne?

W – Yeshua, I’ve been having a big flood of desire rumble through for about a week now. It feels a bit like a rising earthquake, and a roller coaster all in one. I feel I really need your help to not let an ounce of this life juice go to waste.

Y – Earthquake rumbling roller coaster of desire…around what?

W – It’s a bit vulnerable to put it into words, publicly. I’d like to digest with you too whether this should be public, but I think I already know,…what has arisen is a deep desire to take a journey and leave my geographical and cultural home and possibly never come back.

Y – Say more.

W – I feel I’ve reached a ceiling, or maybe am approaching a ceiling in my growth this life by living in the culture and way of life afforded me by the country and culture of my birth. Something really basic in my wiring around way of life, livelihood, language even, money and self image stuff that leaves me on a safe shore, but uninitiated to something deeper. It’s the settler vs discoverer thing coming back to haunt me. Jillian’s infected with this too. So is Christopher. We’ve been infecting each other, you might say. It’s already been times of excitement and desire, and then feeling ‘what are we thinking?’

Y – And how do you feel I could help with this?

W – Well, I guess you could say it gets back to what you said earlier. I need to be changed by heart to heart conversation and conversion if I’m going to undertake holding this desire, let alone undertake the choices around it all.

Y – Ok then, we weren’t just mentally masturbating together then.

W – Nope.

Y – Entire worlds of exploration are left closed to us when we cannot access heart, and heart is accessed by heart. You can do this self to self and you can do this self with other. Both are true. Both are alive, and both are largely kept off people’s radar because new world’s long and call to be explored, and most don’t have the coin to make the purchase.

W – You sound like you’re into helping me sort through this one?

Y – Wouldn’t miss it for the world, you could say, but more accurately in my book, this is the world…never ending discovery.

W – And if not discovery for the sake of pillaging and conquering, then what, Yeshua?

Y – Pillaging and conquering is all about the story of separation and scarcity. This discovery is about actually making real inside of you and outside of you a new story. A story that doesn’t impose anything on anyone, but offers the same heart open invitation to others that you are making to yourself. It’s ready to feel anything and everything that comes up along the way to be felt and re-membered back into your heart. It’s a profoundly personal journey and profoundly an interconnected journey with all humanity. It’s subscribing to a new story.

W – A new story that I can’t quite access in the way I’d like to by remaining where I am…

Y – You can’t take a journey and stay where you are…no.

W – This is going to be a ride, Yeshua. I can feel it in you, and what it stirs in us. Any idea what we can name it for the sake of the blog?

Y – Not a clue.

W – No way… I stumped you for words?

Y – What would you name it without killing it?

W – I know what you mean, language is so used to capture and conquer, to help manage our unfelt fears.

Y – Maybe you need to keep renaming it as you go, by letting the name evolve and flow from those together on the journey, as you are changed by the journey.

W – I like that, but I still need something to put at the top of this for now.

Y – As in a ‘title,’ as if you then ‘own’ it.

W – Can I ‘title’ it something without owning it and killing it?

Y – That’s going to take some work actually, and some collaborating to steward this into being rather than owning it into being.

W – I thought of calling it ‘Mission to Me.’

Y – I like the feel of that for now. Maybe add in their somehow – ‘the journal of my journey’

W – I feel like we’ve just opened a big can of whoop-ass worms.

Y – It’s gonna take fight, you’re right, and rest too.

W – I want to feel every inch of this with you, and with those that are drawn into the journey.

Y – I’ll show up for that.

W – I waited this week to try and be sure that I would show up for what I knew you would be willing to show up for.

Y – All you have to show up for is your own heart Wayne. The rest takes care of itself.

W – I’ve got some major climatizing to do for this next leg of my journey. I’m looking forward to the learning and the liberation.

Y – I’m into this for the same reasons Wayne. As a teacher of humanity, I only get to my next places by going there with others.

W – Talk again tomorrow?

Y – Totally. One day at a time.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.