By Wayne Vriend
Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.
When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.
Wayne – Good morning again, Yeshua.
Yeshua – Hey Wayne, what is moving in you?
W – Jillian and I are oceanside, up on a ridge, plenty of view through tall evergreens, great sun, finally warm and the oxygen is amazing.
Y – You noticed the oxygen?
W – I take a deep breath of it when I step outside. It’s pure and alive.
Y – So you’re breathing deeper?
W – Yeah, that’s true physically and metaphorically.
Y – Things that are true physically are true metaphorically.
W – As in?
Y – One day at a time is true physically, right?
W – Uh-huh.
Y – and it’s true metaphorically.
W – We’re getting too simple, part of me says…
Y – You can never get too simple. It’s in the simplicity that complexity is both born as well as sustained.
W – Are you taking us on a mental trip this morning?
Y – We’re only using the mental as a vehicle to probe the heart and open the heart. All learning is actually heart-based learning. All learning begins with feeling and is even sustained by feeling.
W – Wouldn’t some math students beg to differ?
Y – The math student that labors dutifully with learning and doesn’t seem to engage his heart actually has his heart deeply engaged in the process. He just isn’t aware of it. Somewhere in his heart, he has agreed that to get ahead, or to get acceptance, he must sacrifice himself to the most heartless and boring form of learning. It may look like a bunch of mental learning, but it is a human heart first that is the agency of the mind. In this case, it is a wounded heart, on life support that’s leading.
W – Whoa, you’re opening my heart right now.
Y – And what do you feel as that happens?
W – I feel desire, like a deeper breathing, a resonance with an abundant universe, like no shortage of oxygen.
Y – Simplify that a bit for me.
W – I feel good.
Y – You-feel-good. Good. You were created to feel good.
W – A feel good religion?
Y – Totally. I never claimed anything more or less.
W – You didn’t balk at the word, ‘religion’?
Y – I never challenged people’s religions, I challenged their inauthenticity with themselves. Many people are originally drawn to a religion because it made them feel really good. I just want to revive their feel good mechanism, by getting them in touch with how bad they are actually feeling.
W – That’s almost too basic, Yeshua. It’s like offensive to the sophisticated self.
Y – Real learning is soo childlike. Children are natural and complete learners.
W – I love that line of yours – ‘Allow the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven’.
Y – Yeah, and don’t forget the back story. It was a bunch of adults clamoring around me, and they were shushing the noisy children from interrupting their order. I had to make them feel that those childrens interruptions were actually far more in line with learning than their clamoring energy.
W – I can so feel in me a desire to de-adultize myself right now.
Y – I feel that in you and it feels good.
W – Any advice on how to bolster that?
Y – Yes, feel the difference between the pursuit of knowledge or learning or ability from this tainted adult mindset of sophisticated learning and then feel the raw curiosity that the young child has before he or she ‘learned’ to feel superior because of what they learned, which was actually their first damper on learning. Ok, that was a long sentence. What I meant to say is, feel the difference between what is meant and felt by the popular usage of the word ‘learning’, feel the bullshit in it, and then feel the young child’s curiosity, wonder. Ok, that was another long sentence. The short answer is….’feel.’
W – It’s like I can feel the feel good reality like a small child knows it and compare that with the heavily dampened adult feel good reality that is mostly a medicative mechanism.
Y – Yes, you were meant to feel good, and when you don’t feel good, that feeling is the feeling you are given to be with.
W – Like a child doesn’t always feel good?
Y – True, but don’t mistake happiness and contentment or the lack thereof with an absence of feeling.
W – Huh?
Y – The child cries when its needs are not met. It is in feeling touch with its needs, and it makes noise and scrunches up to signal that it wants something. It wants to return to feeling good, but it is still in feeling reality. Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.
W – It’s like the child is in touch and so is current with their feelings. Loss or need is expressing in the present, so there isn’t pain or baggage being carried from previous undigested losses.
Y – And that, my friend, is the big dilemma that you are wrestling with in the ache to return to essence. How does one process pain so as to make it digestible?
W – Please go on…
Y – I’d like to learn for a moment here. You give me your best childlike feeling-based answer to that question. Don’t worry if your adult language gets a bit wordy.
W – Hmm, it starts with an awareness that something is limiting and enclosing me off from the quality of the oxygen I was once used to. I don’t expect that I should feel good all the time, but now I recognize that I have become OK with feeling bad. I no longer scream or scrunch up or cry. The only way through the backlog of the baggage of pain, that is the pain I chose to carry along with me, rather than feel it in the moment.
Y – I love that. Simple as that.
W – But there are entire doctorates of learning on this subject in the mental health world.
Y – When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.
W – Why does learning deny simplicity?
Y – Great childlike question. Why do you think it does that?
W – Well, what comes first for me is the self image grab that folks are looking for in sophistication.
Y – And why would anyone be out looking to grab onto self image?
W – Because they lack a feeling good self, as they are, that needs no image at all.
Y – And why do they lack a feeling good self?
W – Because they stopped feeling good somewhere along the way.
Y – And how did that come about?
W – I think it’s because they were threatened with conformity and fear of loss by a caregiver telling them and training them to be different than they were being.
Y – And why would a tragedy such as that occur under the pretense of care, no less?
W – Because the adult was no longer comfortable with the raw feelings of the child and misery wants company.
Y – And why would misery need company to such degree to sacrifice one’s own child for the cause?
W – Because adults are fucked. Mostly.
Y – What are you feeling as you say that?
W – I’m feeling pissed at how I was duped into giving up my reality for theirs.
Y – There’s a true learning feeling-need that wants to scream and scrunch up. Give it the oxygen that it once knew, but has ‘learned’ to do without.
W – Screaming and oxygen go together.
Y – Yes, good one. You find the scream by tracing back to where you left off the path feeling truly good, and then scream like hell every time you feel tempted to sacrifice your own truth under the barbaric guise of care.
W – Without getting hauled off to the looney bin?
Y – There’s no way to do that actually. If it’s not the literal looney bin, it’s the figurative one being excommunicated by your social world.
W – Where belonging means shutting up just like at 2 years old.
Y – What are you taking from all of this today, Wayne?
W – I so want to re-authorize, even so much more than I already have, my felt reality.
Y – And what is that?
W – My felt reality is self permission to feel and to desire.
Y – Say more.
W – Well, part of me actually is very native still to this feeling desiring world like the one I was born into, but a part of me that has regulated down this reality and judged it as unsafe. I still need to apply for permits to it to have feeling ‘events,’ rather than being simply in full time feeling reality.
Y – And why are you bringing this up on this journey blog series with me?
W – You brought this up?
Y – But you’re talking with yourself.
W – No, you’re talking with yourself.
Y – Good one. You guys are all trying to get spiritual by seeking to know and feel your divinity, while divinity is trying to get in touch with its humanity.
W – That’s kind of a mindblower.
Y – Yeah, thought so. It’s not, ‘what would Jesus do?’ It’s, ‘what would Wayne do?’ What would Wayne do if he was really in his truest human expression where no undigested pain of conformity and compliance were setting the sails?
W – Whoa, now there’s a reality I’d like to find. A back to essence journey. I don’t know the answer to that.
Y – And you know, the divine doesn’t either. It’s reading the book hoping for its money’s worth in an engaging, moving, and learning story. Stories that have stopped learning are complete. They die and return to essence and get back to their beginnings of curiosity and wonder. That’s why you are drawn to journey, Wayne. It’s renewing your lease on learning, not from a place of the power of knowing, but from a place of the wonder and magic of not knowing.
W – So what now?
Y – Breathe deep and feel.
W – But I’ve got a ton of stuff that I feel need guidance, effort, attention and decisions around this adventure that seems to be possessing me more and more.
Y – And the first order of business is deep breathing and feeling like a child does and getting back to essence because that is the entire journey in a nutshell. Everything you learn and grow in in this discovery is nothing more than that. You just need lots of varied life freed from what you’ve learned to get back to learning and to being alive.
W – Okay, there’s a good pause point, because I actually have all the time in the world.
Y – All the time in the world has you.
W – : ) Thanks, Yeshua, Not sure what that means, but I’ll let it in.
Y – Breathe in, Breathe out.
In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.