I am currently in a process of feeling arising layers of care-taking and truth-suppression. This has been an ongoing theme in my healing journey. I questioned whether to get personal with it but that feels like it hides something. Doesn’t really make it true or real. As one who offers his heart to others in service of love, there can be a part of me that wants to teach from my experience rather than just be vulnerable to it. It is the vulnerability that needs to lead in leadership, not the suppression. That dog don’t hunt anymore.
This all comes about as my sacred romance is seeking deeper ground to walk upon if we are truly wanting to fly. (Yeah, that doesn’t make mental sense but my heart gets it.) Suppressing our truth, whether conscious or not, is a multi-layered dynamic in one aspect, but is also just plainly rooted in fear in another. A fear of being seen as an ass, a fear of harm, a fear of collapse, a fear of getting even closer. The latter is probably the bigger fear for to a part of us, for the higher you climb the farther it is to fall.
Care-taking is not really love-making. It keeps both parties small and parts in stasis. It may feel loving in a way, but in the greater context of growth and genuine care, the truth that feels insignificant is being made so by a part of us that fears that Love is not in charge of the outcome, even if it is completion or judgment. The fear of rejection and pain from within is what we are avoiding.
It is getting in touch with the part of me that doesn’t trust Love, women, men, people, life, et. al. It is a soul reconciliation of karma that may be playing out among individuals and metasoul aspects. There can be a history of abuse on both sides of the coin. It is also the deep fear of intimacy and what still lies in shadow as we go deeper down the rabbit hole.
The care-taking is a resistance to reality. An allergy. It is not a pleasant thing to feel how that can be a part of me that is keeping someone else small in order to feed its own fear of bigness and love. It is not to be judged but held with compassion and curiosity as there is always, in my opinion, a damn good reason. It is choosing to go into the depths of my own heart, seek guidance and reflections from others as that is the only way we can truly see and feel ourselves.
Love doesn’t always feel like it should. It is meant to poke and prod, rattle and shake, crack and release. This hermetically sealed creation we call our reality is bound to give way to a Reality that is found in the depths of our human heart and soul. It is already present. We can deny it, but it does come at a cost, usually greater than a part of us truly wants to pay. The only thing that is guaranteed is that wherever our truth brings us is where we were meant to go.
I guess I did wind up teaching there. Just part of my soul. I feel the words teaching me above all so that it can resonate with those it is meant to serve. If you are interested in feeling more into your healing journey with those that are in constant reflection and feeling themselves, we offer a free introductory call to see how SoulFullHeart may serve you. You can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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