This was a hard post to write. It is always vulnerable to share about intimate pieces of our lives, yet in service, in transparency, and in honoring it is needed. This past month there has been a deep rumble in my union with Kasha. She and I have been in this process, community, and sacred journey for nearly 10 years together. We have been romantic for about half of those years, in and out. We even got married three and a half years ago to initiate our bond even deeper, even as that completed shortly thereafter.
There has been something deeply core between us and within each of us that has been challenging to reconcile. Each time we have gone in together, we have found new layers of intimacy together, yet also a pattern that has been undeniable between us. In our recent group session, we had to come to the honest truth that we are just not the pair-bond we thought we were.
Yes, we have so much goodness between us. Enough to power a typical relationship to the end of our lives possibly. Yet that is not why we are here. I am still coming to terms with what a sacred union even is. How scary and yet powerful it can be! There is something in me that has been polarized to letting all of that in. This inner split in me has come to my awareness recently and needs a lot of my attention and love. It has colored a lot of the way I have related to Life and Romance. I lost my Lover somewhere along the way.
I am curious how much of my soul history has been involved in these kinds of sacred bonds. I have a seed for union inside of me yet I don’t know how much it has been expressed in my lifetimes. Regardless of that possibility, I am in deep need of resolving something core inside of me that has been difficult to access in our bond together. I don’t want to be an anchor to where Kasha is needing and wanting to go in her soul around sacred romance and union.
There is a lot still to mourn and grieve around this for me. A lot to see and feel inside of myself that comes with me going forward. I said these words before and yet they still hold true today and will 10 years from now. There is always a peeling of the onion and each time we do, the tears fall. The heart gets heavy and the work begins again. Yet, for both of us, we ultimately want what is the highest calling for each of us, even if that might not be in sacred romance together. A tough pill to swallow when there is so much goodness.
A love story doesn’t always just end. It sometimes just takes on a new direction. We have been here before and we know what needs to be felt and addressed along the way. Because of what Kasha has given me, I get to see myself in a real way not only in a good way. This is the gift of sacred union whether they prolong or complete. They offer us back to ourselves and to the Divine in a new way. We see where we have grown and what still needs healing. I could not have done that without beloved Kasha. She has been a portal and catalyst for so much of my growth as well as my joy. We have had so many incredible moments together and in service.
So the road back to me begins again. The road to another layer of my authentic self and my relationship to the Divine in both Mother and Father frequencies. I have been blessed by these experiences with Kasha and have much to own on my side. Sometimes a spade is a spade, even if it looks like a heart.
Thank you to you all who have been a part of our love story. I know that there will be personal reactions to it. For those that have been around us long enough, know what we have had together and will continue to have in the decade to come. I will write more about my own process soon as I digest more of it in time. For now, thank you for taking this, and our former Usness, into your hearts.
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.