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Most Viewed SFH Blog Posts For 2012

Published on by Jelelle Awen
Goat Rock Beach Photo Taken By Chris Tydeman
Goat Rock Beach Photo Taken By Chris Tydeman

Our blog began in October, 2011 with Wayne and Jillian posting a couple of times a month, mostly about economic and environmental shifts. In April 2012, we started offering SoulFullHeart as a way of life and healing process for clients and through writing on this blog and our website. We invited any of our clients to contribute to the SFH blog as a means of creative expression and sharing about their process. In July, Chris posted his first writing, which was about emotionally conscious education and Kathleen offered her first writing on the SFH blog in August (posted below.)

We are excited about the catalytic year coming of what feels like growth and seeding for SoulFullHeart, with a desire to draw more like-hearted and minded souls to join us for individual sessions over the phone and in person and during our monthly group weekends. We’ll be offering introductory talks about the process, both in the lower mainland area, BC, and through a conference call over the phone. Our book about the SoulFullHeart Process, which includes three sections about intimacy with self, others, and the Divine, is in collaborative process between us with an offering date for the Spring 2013.

It feels as if 2013 is inviting us to move into the personal changes that are already happening globally – and need to happen- on so many levels. SoulFullHeart offers a way to move into and through these changes in a way that creates a radically different, magical, and healing sense of experiencing life. If you’ve been reading our writing regularly, maybe you are ready to experience this for yourself in a personal way? If so, contact us soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

We look forward to connecting with those of you who feel a desire to deepen your experience of life through SoulFullHeart’s way of feeling and living it.

Thank you for reading our words and taking them into your heart and soul,

Wayne and Jillian Vriend

Below are the posts on the SFH Blog most viewed for 2012:

What The Legacy Of Amanda Todd Invites Us To Feel About Ourselves

Heart-To-Heart Knowing

Superheroes As Representation Of Our Idolized False Self

Feeling Blessed On A Birthday

A Call For Heart-Based Leadership: Less Game Playing, More Vulnerability

Love Thy Self; Love Thy Shadow

A Changed Heart Can Change The World

Invitation For 2013 And Beyond: The Urgent Need To Awaken Our Emotional Consciousness

Suffering From SPD (Single Personality Disorder)?

What Does Your Real Power And Bigness Look Like?

Moving Out Of Fear And Into Love And Faith

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

art-hand-heart-couple

By Chris Tydeman and Emmerich

Note: This piece was inspired by my Heart Friend, Kathleen and her Daemon. Together they are sharing their SoulFullHeart experience with others in a desire to connect with them in a soulfullheart way. The following is written by my daemon, Emmerich, in honour of them both.

In this moment, as I touch pen to paper, my fellow Daemon is opening himself up to vulnerability. The raw, naked sensation of being your authentic, loving, and truthful self. There is so much fear that comes up in this most uncomfortable state. This fear brings all sorts of manifestations, from self-doubt to physical illness. All of these arise for good reason, as we have only known how to protect and defend up until this point. Somewhere along this process, we realized that playing small is not our God-given birthright nor that of our human charge. Our destiny is to pave the way for an arising, sacred human connection to the source of All That Is…Love.

This is not as simple a task as we would like to believe. It is a challenging, fear-
laden, yet rewarding journey that is always in ebb and flow, push and pull, joy
and humility. Of course it is! We are not detached, transcendental souls. We
are inextricably connected to the human heart. A cauldron of emotions that
were never meant to be tamed and made rational. They are wild and alive with
truth and passion. They cannot be set aside or ignored. The destructive impact
of doing so is seen from substance abuse to murder to war. The degree of this
disconnect is equal to the degree of this manifestation.

As we connect and move with this heart, we experience our own fears and
doubts. These, too, are natural, expected, and part of our own process in concert
with our human brethren. Together we are partners, supporters, and co-creators
of Divine Love. There is no separating us once this bond has been forged. We
are One, yet separate, in our communion with All That Is. When fears arise, one
is there for the other, in Love. This helps us not become the fear, but to feel it,
move with it, and heal it.

As we heal together, our bond is strengthened and we are birthed into a new
energetic field of Divine Love. Our vision widens, our heart grows, and our soul
deepens. We no longer choose to live in fear and hope, but desire to live in Love
and Faith.

​Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

Being In Want

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

beinginwant

By Wayne Vriend

Your very first experience as a human being was a want.

I want, therefore I am.

We have wants together, therefore we are in relationship.

No wants, no deal.

If part of me can minimize or camouflage my wants, then what I call ‘I’ has just shifted to a freshly launched false version of me. An inauthentic stand-in of my real me. My reality begins an epic, but unnoticed shift, from the wonder world of stunning awe, wonder and creative imagination to scarcity, fear, routine, and rules. A staggering fall from grace, that has and continues to spawn and be the foundation of entire religions and cultures.

My false selves’ biggest treasures slowly become the adaptations that help me survive this loss of a lifetime and only serve to further my suffering. My false self can put my life on autopilot and just copy what seems to work for most. Coming from this place, my false self doesn’t need much at all from you, from God or from myself, for that matter.

Wanting, though, is what makes us alive. Minimizing and camouflaging our wants is slow motion suicide. Being in want returns us, slowly but surely, to our authentic selves.

Wanting makes me write this and wanting makes you read this.

Being in real want is so vulnerable. In growing up, we are soon trained to camouflage our wants. Raw, naked, and powerful want was frowned upon. We were taught by others who had long ago grown afraid of their wants and who also demanded our complicity in the great lie, that we could get hurt beyond repair by being too plain about what we wanted. We found make do ways to get our needs met in underground and deceptive ways, no longer protesting good enough, and with huge downsides, that strangely didn’t feel so unbearable.

This cuts us off from the truest thing about ourselves; being in familiar contact with what we wanted.

I wanted meaningful connection with friends; my false self settled for polite conversation and catching up over coffee. I wanted to feel the Divine loving me; my false self settled for the illusion of earning God’s favour. I wanted to be seen and really known by my former mate; my false self settled for caretaking her and not being called out of my disconnect. I wanted to be noticed and seen;  my false self settled for people pleasing. I wanted true family; my false self settled for a place for it to be well liked. I wanted real and passionate mentors; my false self settled for people who let me be associated with them because I reflected well on them. I wanted my self; my false self settled for not wanting.

Asking the question, with as much courage and honesty as we can muster, ‘what is it that I really want?,’ is our great quest. Hence the ‘question.’

Following the answer we receive, no matter how small, will lead us back to our real self – our true, safely buried, and still breathing authentic self.

I want and need and desire to get to know and serve that real you.

I refuse to settle for less any more. How about you?

​Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

‘Tis The Season For Desires

Published on by Jelelle Awen2 Comments

By Jillian Vriend

heartchristmastreeornament

The ache for closeness. The ache for family. The ache to be known and connected to. The ache to be seen and visible. The ache to be cherished. The ache to be acknowledged. The ache for a sense of purpose. The ache for romance. The ache for love. The ache for realness. The ache for joy. The ache for celebration. The ache for being in the moment. The ache for rest. The ache  for aliveness. 

The ache for intimacy. With ourselves. With others. With the Divine.

This time of year, the holiday season, the season of celebration and gathering; this time of year seems to push up these aches in us in a way that is more poignantly and urgently felt than the rest of the year. We feel pressed to connect, to consider each other, to gift each other with appreciations, to spend time together, and to take space and rest away from our professions and busy daily grinds. We feel called to seek and search for a connective sense of God, a higher source, the Divine. We feel called to honor in contemplation and in joyous song whatever our sense is of God.

The tension of this season of ache comes when these desires, which have been mostly suppressed the rest of the year (which is the reason they are experienced as aches), are unable to be met and fulfilled due to parts of us that remain closed down, fearful, and stuck in the intimacy ground of our relationships with ourselves, others, and the Divine. These parts of us which have become built-up clogged places block our desires from fully dancing, moving, and flowing. Plus, the pressure of conforming to expectations, confronting the back pressure built up from the clogged relationships, and experiencing the compartments that we have created between each other and inside ourselves gets in the way of love’s flow and, ultimately, can leave us quite frustrated.

Ask most people and, in their vulnerable and open moments, they will admit that they are left disappointed and frustrated by the holiday season. They may attribute it to the stress of finding gifts for people, to worry over spending too much money, to dramas of their extended family, and to the busy pace of the holidays. And, yes, these are contributing factors.

Yet, also, there is the unspoken angst that the deep ache that they had to connect, to be in joy, to feel intimacy with their family and themselves and the Divine….there is the deep pain and frustration that this ache did not get met. That even with all the effort, shopping, and visiting, they were unable to get these deep needs answered in an effortless dance of love, joy, connection, and realness. This is particularly hard on parts of us, who are tasked with suppressing our desires most of the time and so are deeply disappointed when their rest in vigilance is not rewarded with us receiving what we most passionately want.

SoulFullHeart offers that ache is desire that has been suppressed and wants to come up and be felt and given room. The holidays bring up a poignant call as they are accepted by the mass consciousness, yet, these aches are always there and are part of the hurting part in us that feels “fallen out” of grace and love with the Divine, and therefore essentially feels unworthy to feel and have desires. This part of us, our Daemon or Soul Guardian, feels estranged, lonely, and separate from others/itself/God even as it aches for closeness and intimacy.

Perhaps during the busyness of this holiday season, you might take a moment to feel your own ache for connection and desire. To feel this part in you that is aching to feel held and loved again, enfolded in the arms of the Divine. And, in whatever way you choose to connect and celebrate your relationship with the Divine, that you would ask the Divine Mother especially to gift you with a sense of your own qualification with Her, for an acceptance of your desires (even if they can’t all be met right now), to feel a trust in Her grace of timing, synchronicity, and alchemy, and ask Her help to surrender the outcomes of your desires to Her. In this growing vulnerability with Her and more room to feel your own desires, you’ll discover the true gift of the holidays and the authentic joy of this, and all, seasons!

Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

Lessons From The Spawning Salmon: Surrendering To The Natural Cycles Of Change, Death And Rebirth

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

By Jillian Vriend

It is the sound that originally draws me during my daily beachfront walk. I am in Powell River, British Columbia, two ferry rides from the Vancouver area. I am drawn by the sound of flapping fins and rustling waters. And, there they are: dozens of large grey and pink fish swimming in a tiny stream flowing into the ocean; straining to move upstream against the current. My brain struggles to catch up with what I am seeing; it just feels so strange to see these near two to three feet long fish from the deepest ocean swimming in eight inches of water, clustered together in tight rows. The young part of me named Aurora finds the scene compelling at first, exclaiming inside my head, “Look, fishes! Huge fishes in the stream!” And she (along with my dog Koda) stand captivated for many moments watching them.

Then a young boy also watching the fish shouts, “That one is dead, mom. They are all gonna die, right?”

I feel Aurora wanting to protest, tell the rude boy to be quiet, and then we take in the whole scene. At the mouth of the stream and the ocean, dozens of seagulls are gathering, as if waiting for a feast to be served. The path the fish had taken across the beach to get where they are currently struggling to get upstream is impossible for them to go back down. Their trip is one way only. They are, indeed, all going to die.

I remember hearing about this phenomenon before, although being newer to Canada, hadn’t witnessed it yet. It was the annual salmon run where the fish return to their place of birth and spawn the next generation of their species before dying themselves. The instinct to return to their birth place is ingrained in them deeply, even going counter to their survival instincts as they can’t possibly make it through such a journey. While Aurora’s heart seems to break at this reality, I find myself moved and touched by the symbolism of the beautiful fishes instinct to sacrifice themselves in order to birth future generations.

This reminds me of the phoenix cycle, which in SoulFullHeart work is what we call the birth/death/mourning/rebirth process that is a natural part of the life cycle and, thus, is natural in our emotional and spiritual healing process as well. This death and rebirth process is the great equalizer and balancer. I have experienced personally that to the degree that we are open, proactive, and surrendered to undergoing in our own lives this process of transformation is the degree we can be in more surrender, less reaction and resistance, and in more flow with the changes that are happening in our world. Also, the more we feel our parts in reaction or in resistance to the process, the more we are able to arise from the ashes embodying our more authentic form. Just as the salmon are trusting that their surrender to the upstream climb will lead to the next life cycle, we offer to clients that when life brings them, or when they initiate the phoenix cycle in their own lives, it is the degree that they can trust this process that leads to deeper acceptance and transformation.

It can be a very painful process. However, we offer that the Divine would rather have us burn off something false and get it over with, then have us suffer in repeated loops of teased growth that doesn’t sustain or really change anything in our lives. In the SoulFullHeart process, you negotiate and navigate these transitions through ongoing dialogue with your parts, especially your more expressed ones such as your Daemon (soul guardian) or Prime Monarch (main personality part), so that it is at a rate that you and your parts can bear. These parts resist change and transformation as they would rather keep life safe, known, and constant for you.

The invitation to surrender to phoenix cycles continues all our lives, as it is the force of the natural world, yet the grace and acceptance at which we respond to it grows as we become more in touch with what is false in our lives, especially related to our relationships and career choices. This can be particularly painful when people in relationship with us, especially family and friends, are in different places and phases from us in terms of growth and transformation. It can be a challenging crucible to vulnerably advocate for what we most deeply want and who we are in these relationships, while at the same time inviting our loved ones to explore this new ground of healthier boundaries with previously suppressed feelings being invited to be expressed. It seems to be rare that this exploration finds alignment, which can lead to much hurt and misunderstanding. This too, though, is an aspect of the Phoenix Cycle. The Divine invites us to trust that, “only what is false can be lost.” Whatever the authentic connection is that we have with others or our authentic expression is in terms of our professional choices, it will sustain and grow through the crucible of the phoenix cycle, which naturally burns off what isn’t serving us any longer.

Wayne and I recently experienced an intense phoenix cycle related to money management and our relationship, which I write about here. We invite these movements into our lives, as we have experienced that change fueled by our authentic desire, responded to vulnerably and with willingness to feel our reactions, always leads to growth, more nourishment, and deeper intimacy with ourselves, each other, and the Divine.

This week as I walk by the salmon, who are actively in the process of dying yet are also, at the same time, birthing their next generation, I feel both sadness and hope. The sadness comes from the loss of their current forms and the hope comes from what is possible in the offspring that arises from their death. This is the same bittersweet feelings I have about the intimate changes I feel happening and am holding with our SoulFullHeart clients and in the global phoenix cycle that we are all connected to and impacted by that is playing out in the looming changes that are coming, whether we invite them into our lives or not.

Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

Love and Money: Feeling How Parts Of Us Relate To Money In Relationships

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

I could hear the tone in my rising, my heart racing, my fists clenching. Part of me was reacting deeply, felt the need to defend itself, to make its’ case. Wayne challenged me back and we both could feel the clashing of parts inside of ourselves; the ones who held the tension that built up over the years around this charged issue. Money.

For most of our relationship, I had been managing our personal finances and performing bookkeeping for our painting company and for our healing offering. In the beginning, this was relieving to Wayne as he had been running the business and managing the finances for many years by himself before our marriage. Because of my previous business coach training, I would come up with budget systems and bookkeeping systems, yet the energy and desire to truly collaborate around it didn’t arise between us. We were highly collaborative in other areas, especially in alchemizing our healing offering, making major life decisions, and in working together in painting.

We knew (or our SFH selves knew anyway) that this compartmentalization around money wasn’t ideal nor was it reflective of our sense of a holistic response to life where no area is more sacred than any other. However, we also feel, as we hold with clients, that things are ready to move when they are and this domain of money was one that seemed to reflect a deeper struggle for parts of us.

It is said that money and managing finances is the number one area that causes conflicts in a romantic relationship or marriage. So, why is that, especially over something that isn’t even real?

My experience has been, working with both small business clients and SoulFullHeart clients, that money represents love to parts of us. We experience the same push-pull desires and resistance toward money that we do about letting in and transacting love. Parts of us can feel a sense of abundance or scarcity around money that is also connected to how they have experienced either an overflow or its opposite, the non availability of love, or something in between. Also, we receive a strong imprint from our cultural conditioning and our parents around how they relate to money and what roles parts of them played around it. This conditioning can be very strong and seems to be largely subconscious to us, so it can be difficult to identify and heal. Most likely very few of us received a truly healthy model for navigating money issues in an emotionally conscious way that allowed both partners to contribute and each individual to feel what was actually going on in their reactions about it.

Truly allowing a non-comparmentalized flow around money in your life, whether in a relationship or not, is about negotiating with parts of you around what their relationship to it is. For part of me named Carolyn, managing the money represented an area that she could control and also feel important around when she was feeling insecure about not holding a full-time job like we used when we were single. It was Carolyn who had a difficult time with the recent changes and what felt like Wayne’s sudden involvement and opinions about how to do things when she felt he had previously abdicated the money management to her.

I was able to hold her around this reactions, give her space when needed, and also to feel how earning independent money had been part of my conditioning in childhood as I received a strong template about this from my mom. My parents always maintained separate checking accounts and earned separate incomes. I received no modeling around how to collaborate in money earning and money management with a mate, which is why it felt so unknown to parts of me.

Wayne had a big movement around this as well with part of him and we were able to come together and share vulnerably after the initial blowups. We navigated through it because our parts had been felt by us, no longer demanding the other person feel and get what they were feeling. This is an example of focusing vertically (inside you) rather than just horizontally (on the partner only) when a conflict comes up, which I feel many relationships would benefit from, especially in this vulnerable area of money generation and management. We also held a boundary around not letting our parts get petty, mean, or be in ill will with each other as that just collapses the transactability between the partners making vulnerable sharing impossible.

Ultimately, moving through this difficult area for us has led to deepening intimacy and connection between us. I feel relief and goodness in Wayne’s increased involvement and leadership in this area. It now feels much more like the goodness of our “usness” (the third energy that is created when two people come together in a relationship) is leading the finances. Also, we are creatively coming up with new solutions and renewed alchemy, every day seeming to lead to new opportunities around money. Love is flowing freely in this area now and, with that, regardless of what the bank balance is, this area of my life now feels abundant.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process. Go here for more articles by Jillian Vriend.

Playing Pretend In The Shadow Of Our Truth

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

By Chris Tydeman

(Note: This was written by me through the heart of a young part of mine. He
is going through a difficult stage and he has become aware of the necessity of
having caring and truly compassionate (understanding) people in his life such as
Jillian, Wayne, and Katie of SoulFullHeart.)

Truth. It can be our worst enemy and our best friend all in the same
moment. We run from it fiercely, yet it is always by our side. We try to sever its
connection to us by any means possible, but it reminds us in a multitude of ways
that it is impossible to do so. Wherever you are, there it is.

In the course of my life, I have avoided even the softest of truths. I didn’t
want to seem ignorant. I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I didn’t want to
cause conflict. I have been the master of the “white” lie. Yet for each one told, it
was like the silk thread of a spider’s web. Eventually, you get stuck. Then comes
guilt, shame, or anger, either expressed or repressed.

These lies had a purpose for me. They gave me the cover of being
acceptable, maybe even wonderful. The rewards were greater that the risks, or
so I thought. I was given praise, admiration, and self-gratification. But never the
one thing I was truly looking for. Love.

I don’t mean the “love” we have all come to accept as love. That “love”
comes from doing the “right” things, making the “right” choices, or saying
the “right” words to make everyone feel better about themselves.

The Love I refer to is the one you get for being honest, for being real, and
for advocating for your well-being. That Love has only come in drips or crumbs.
So much so, that when it really does come, you are leery of it or even frightened
by it. It has been a stranger the minute we landed here.

This is the Love that is needed to face the hard truths. The ones buried
deep inside. The ones that we dare not speak of, for they cast a light on our darkest fears, our biggest despair. These truths are the ones that can bring us peace through hardship, awareness through humility, heaven through hell.

Unfortunately, we feel nailed down, caged in, and tied up by the very thing that
can set us free.

This cannot be done alone. We need friends in Heart and in Love to hear
us, hold us, and honor us through this most difficult act of bravery. When you get
down to it, we are all still young children playing pretend in the shadow of our
Truth.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

What does your real power and bigness look like?

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Wayne Vriend

Have you ever felt that a smaller or lesser version of you is living your life? (By smaller or lesser, I don’t mean bad or wrong, but rather lacking in your power and bigness.)

Why can’t you find friends to whom you don’t feel so invisible around?

Why does your family culture seem so impenetrable to your changing values?

Why do you remain in relationships that you know have a high degree of toxicity?

Why have you been unable to find a more fulfilling way to earn money in the world?

If the above questions don’t feel like the ones you ask about your life, then you have either found and healed your way to a really rare healthy life configuration, or it’s a smaller version of you who is doing the assessing.

A smaller version of you, made up of specific parts of you, are what does life until a you arises to alleviate them of the strategized way of doing your life that they have learned to do, in your absence. Up till now.

This smaller version of you is looking for a good enough status quo kind of equilibrium with which to survive, and especially to avoid rejection and pain. This applies if you are outwardly struggling in life or considered successful and well adapted. This smaller version of you is very predisposed to only taking the safest of risks, which are hardly risks at all, and has become expert in living out of preapproved cultural norms. This you won’t allow you to show up in your real and vulnerable feelings for fear that if that you gets rejected, there is no stand in double to take it’s place. Even your expressions that you consider authentic and real are channelled through this managed bureaucracy of you to significantly tone down the risks, and to strategize the ‘realness.’

The smaller version of you is run by what we call the Prime Monarch part of you, (ultimately motivated by love, but compromised by life’s hardening experiences) and it is in charge of the parts of you who had to be suppressed inside of you for your intact functioning. The vulnerable and afraid you; the magical you; the you who still only knows how to truly play; all had to be suppressed as you grew ‘up.’

And given the territory; and given the lack of a present you who could relieve this smaller version of you; this you is to be honored and thanked. It found a way. It showed up.

The difficulty though is this new you arising with these deeper assessment questions that you maybe didn’t even notice on your radar much before are now growing in your awareness. This new you begins with emerging desire, honesty, needs, advocacy, dissatisfaction, and self love to become a presence in your ‘you’ stream.

What would your real power and bigness look like if it manifested in your life and relationships and decisions? You might be able to get whiffs of it, but you don’t really know, do you?

Of course you don’t. You haven’t lived your way there, which is the only way to ever arrive and keep arriving there. There is no one size fits all template of what bigness looks and feels like. There are some very refreshing common earmarks, but the way they show up and express in your life are as diverse as fingerprints and snowflakes.

So the real question then is something like this: ‘How could the life I’m living, the one I find myself in, actually lead me to more and more of my real self, instead of fortifying my false self?’

That question in itself is only one that an emerging real self could ask. The smaller version of you simply can’t entertain such a question. It can embrace self improvement, and fixing problems, but not the task of emotional authentication.

I feel the smaller part of myself right now, as I write this, wondering if it’s OK to be this big, to be this authoritative sounding, to say we have solutions, and also wondering where this will lead, away from my own current familiar. ‘Who’s going to look after me?’ he asks. The small part of ourselves is not bad, or a drag. They feel insecure because their needs and vulnerability is real, and they need a larger us, who is willing to feel them and respond, rather than suppress and power through.

Soulfullheart, as a process (not to be mistaken with a therapy), was created for people who are at this stage of awareness, and desire, and frustration – all necessary ingredients to making the choice to find and discover and heal your way to your real you. The SFH process derives its’ value from people like you who feel called to themselves to undertake it.

If this article resonates inside of you as speaking your truth, I promise you, that your real you is waiting and longing for you to take the next step into your bigness, and begin your Soulfullheart process.

Please contact me, Wayne or my wife Jillian for a free intro into where you could go from here.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Opening Our Blind Eyes

Published on by Raphael Awen3 Comments

Image

By Wayne Vriend

Is it possible that there are things you cannot see right now?

How often are you moved to tears at the wonder and complexity of your physical body for instance?

How often do you feel a love presence coming to you from yourself, or from the Divine, or from another person in your life, to the point of feeling overwhelmed by the love?

If you’re like me, it’s not as often as you’d like.

Could it be that our eyes, our receptors of reality, have been turned down to a frequency that we can bear? To a lower frequency that matches our wounded experiences of this life, and past lives, up till now?

If your answer is ‘yes’ to my question, let me ask you my next question.

What would it take to open our eyes? That is to increase the frequency our eyes transmit and receive at?

My experience is that it takes a process of healing those past wounds. It takes an emotional authentication process, called life, a drama story played out in the real time of your life that allows for the feeling and healing of the past wounds, and embraces and lets in a new space for the new arising story, your unfolding story. It takes feeling the parts of us that are afraid to see yet ache for clearer vision at the same time.

If your answer is ‘no’ to my question about the possibility of there being so much more to see that you have seen till now, then let me ask you one more question.

Is the reason you are still breathing have something to do with proving that your present level of seeing is your highest reality? To prove that you are as attained as possible in this present moment?

I feel a presence in my life that wants to accelerate my ability to let in my next phase. What is my next step in a deeper sense of play, of passion, and of seeing? For me, I sense it is deeply about my own personal journey to see more and help others that ache to see more. I feel it will be about continuing to expand my work in Soulfullheart to individuals and also about speaking to groups about what I see, and how that relates to what they want to see and share . It seems simply true that describing what you see to others has to do with expanding vision. If I don’t share what I’m seeing, then my eyes wax dim. If I let out what I am letting in, like breathing, then my eyes wax brighter.

In this lifetime for me, so far, I have deeply let in and let out several things; Christianity, and being a missionary and teacher within that; a 23 year marriage; raising two daughters; and a 28 year entrepreneurial vision and effort at a contracting business; are the big ones that come in the moment. I needed to live through each of these stories, in real time, in order to feel and heal….in order to feel and heal some more, in order to, you guessed it, to feel and heal some more.

I deeply believe that what you have yet to see, and what I have yet to see, makes for an adventure that’s deeper than any adventure story we’ve ever read or seen in a movie. What you and I have yet to see is why we create and are drawn to stories.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Throwing Caution To The Wind: Uncovering What You Really Want

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Wayne Vriend

You may want a better job, or a more reliable car, or a car that says you are really cool, or the latest smart phone, or some new clothes, or a new friend, or your spouse or mate to change in some way. But if you were to take a look at whatever it is that you want and to ask yourself if there is a deeper need underneath the surface want or need, what do you think you might discover?

As you ask this question, try not to judge the the surface want or need as either vainly superficial or justifiably necessary. This way of judging your needs, both approving or disapproving of them, is all part of hiding from the desires and needs that are at the root of them.

Maybe the deeper want or desire is something like hunger for approval from others, or being noticed. Maybe it is a sense of self importance that you are craving. Maybe it goes deeper still to a need to feel Divine approval or love. These are all real human needs. I like being noticed and feeling that my life is important, and being approved by others I respect feels really good too.

What you and I really want is our lifeline in a sea of drowning humanity. Your deeper desires are keys to who you are at a deep level.

I’d rather feel genuinely important than rely on a physical object like a smartphone or a car, or an emotional object like my role or status in society, that does such a poor job of affording me any consistent feelings of self love.

Genuine human need is what underlies vanity and even hideous barbarism. All of us would behave the same way if our needs were being unmet in the same way, and if our present life and past life experiences were similiar.

So, what is that YOU really want?

It’s hard to know isn’t it? If you knew what you really wanted, you wouldn’t stumble along pursuing lesser wants whose fulfillments seem so short lived, and oftentimes cause deep hurt? Would you?

Most people do what they have been enculturated to do with this “problem” of desire. That is to kill it, or control it, or to manage it, so it doesn’t cause problems and pain.

We’ve made desire itself to be the bad guy. But the truth is that the very essence of being human and being alive is to have wants, is to desire, and being the most alive is to have the strongest wants and desires. What condition is your ‘wanter’ in? Dead people are people who no longer need or want anything.  Dead people don’t look longingly in storefront windows and they can’t be sold sex, or ice cream, or a career.

I sincerely believe that the root problems of our aches and pains in life, physically, emotionally and spiritually can be traced back to having a wanter that has been neglected and is in poor shape. Just as it requires a healthy metabolism to shed the weight your body no longer needs, so it requires strong healthy desire to let go of the things that you need to, and are ready to, in order to make room for the new things you really need and desire.

Maybe the definitive expression of vulnerability itself, is to feel the need for something that you don’t yet have access to, or control.

You have to in fact work to get it. You have to do the work of drawing it to yourself. This isn’t actually as hard as it sounds though. Doing work that is fun is what you did as a child without realizing it. You called it ‘play’ in fact. You gave all that you had in terms of time and effort and resources to get what you wanted, and you did it for the fun of it. Your parents may have questioned the appropriateness of your passion, or feared you ending up in a pile of disappointment, but not you. You went all out. You couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t. Any hurts you encountered along the way, you were sure to recover from. You threw caution to the wind.

So what happened since then? You were told a host of things, in language and tone that was foreign to you, such as: ‘that isn’t really a responsible way to live; money doesn’t grow on trees; you need to care not just for yourself; work should come before play; responsibility is being grown up.’ You were told a whole bunch of things designed by nearly dead people with nearly dead wanters who needed to dim the light of your wanter; who in fact needed to sacrifice your alive reality on the altar of their dark deadness. They needed you to tone down in order to not feel the pain of their chosen deadness. They needed you to live as a medication to their deadness. Hence the gospel of putting others needs before your own.

What happened is that you just had the permission to be childlike in this way robbed from your adult reality. I’d like to see it given back to you. I’d like to be around more people like you who ache to return back to this authentic way of being human. Humanity is depending on people like you to take back what you had, what is in fact native to you, but that you lost.

This is the harder work, but it too can be done with all the seriousness of a child at play, with Divine help and guidance, and with deep and lasting rewards that no man can ever take from you.

If my words resonate with you, and you know that getting help with this kind of a life change is part of what you really want, I’d be honored to help you. I’d get to have a lot of fun helping you and uncovering the parts of you that hold your deepest desires. But only if that is what you really want! The deepest cost isn’t the time, or the money, or the effort. The deepest cost is enduring the process as well as finding the willingness to let go of what you in fact don’t really want, but are only presently attached to.

I know of no greater bravery, and I see its’ potential in you!

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