Tag: Romance

A Love Story: Part Five (A Choicepoint)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

This part of my “love story” is more of my own side of things as I was realizing that my spirituality and my 3D life were struggling to coexist. I was in a limbo space around this time trying to be two things at once: human and divine. I could feel how there was still some life left to live and sort out before I could really choose to integrate my connection to the divine.

I had one foot in both worlds and wasn’t able to give my whole heart to either. I felt like I didn’t truly belong in either and that I could never be enough for my relationship or my community. This was the moment when I realized I had to go fully into life in order to live into whatever was left for me there. In that, I chose to take a break from soulfullheart and soon found my way back with more clarity about who I am and what I want than ever.

Today I feel a much deeper union with my both my humanity and divinity and a greater knowing of my soul’s purpose. Everyday is an inch closer to integrating these two parts of my being and feeling more comfortable to express both of them. Sometimes we have to let go into one reality in order to end the suffering of trying to be everything for everyone else. In this choice, we find who we really are.

——————————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Five
A Choicepoint

Why does it feel sometimes like my divine self and human self are at odds? As if I can only experience one of these truths at any one time. There’s a part of me that feels like I have to choose one or the other and when I do, I lose one.

What if I choose the Divine path and lose my self in the process, unable to turn back? What if I choose humanity and forget who I really am and what I’m really capable of? What if I end up living for everyone but myself, constantly choosing what they think is best for me.

I don’t have clarity inside of my heart and soul right now. I don’t have the answers or the ability to go with the flow anymore. I’m at a crossroads in this moment and it’s one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been in a long time. The nest is prickly but I don’t know where it wants me to go next.

Who am I? What do I really want? How do I want to get to where I need to be? Where do I even need to be? I’m scared of making the wrong choices. I’m scared of every little thing I do coming from the wrong place.

It’s hard to evaluate each thing you feel as if it has the potential to be wrong. I’m in this awkward spot of being able to see when I might regret something but wanting to experience it anyway. Like I haven’t caught up with my own awareness so having the awareness is painful.

I feel as if I need to have clarity and a choice that I just can’t provide right now. So how do I reconcile not knowing what I want and feeling like once I make a choice, I can’t go back?

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Three (In The Midst Of Love)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

The following writing is one very close to my heart. These are actually lyrics to a song I wrote in that phase of a relationship when it’s been long enough that you know each other inside and out. Your friendship is formed and the romance is alive. I’m not exactly a lyrical genius but it came from my heart and I don’t often write songs!

A relationship based on mutual growth and healing requires a sharing of the innermost tender and vulnerable parts of you. You begin to understand when and why walls come up or what triggers stress and anxiety in them. You notice the little things that you love about them and what makes their heart truly glow. The bond deepens from physical infatuation to deep and growing trust and respect.

This is the time when comfort begins to sink in. You no longer have to work hard to try and win them over, you don’t feel so self conscious about yourself or your habits, you feel a sense of calm and hope that your feelings for them can last. This is the phase that we long for! The fire still burns yet you feel at home within the bond.

We work hard inside and out to get to this place but ultimately, getting here is the easy part. The next part is trickier. Retaining your mutual growth, passion, respect and love for each other is the truly difficult part. Choosing everyday to understand yourself so that you can continue to be vulnerable, honest and real together. I’ll talk more about this on my next post 💞

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A Love Story: Part Three
In The Midst Of Love

You make me and my
Whole heart smile when you
Look at me that way

You make me wanna be a
Better person, each and
Every single day

I know that It’s not
Easy being here
But I’m glad that you are

I wanna make you
Happy dear because you
Shine just like the stars

~ Chorus ~
I’ll hold your inner child’s hand
As we run under the moon
I’ll soothe your guard’s worried looks
And soon he’ll make me swoon

Your punisher is next
And him I’ll love the most
Your feminine will help me show
How our hearts can be so close

~~~

The moment you feel
Lost and lonely know that
You are not alone

Even when the
Earth starts shakin look
Inside to find you’ve grown

I know that it’s not
Easy being here
But it’s worth a try

I wanna make me
Happy dear because our
Love can reach the sky

~ Chorus ~

And when we start to touch the soul
Our bond will deepen evermore
My dream is to get close to you
Be intimate and break right through

~ Chorus ~

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Two (Falling In Love)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

The next part of this story is the part that we tend to spend our lives looking for: falling in love. The new and exciting rush of meeting someone that has an equal interest in us as we do in them. A new pair of eyes to see you, new ears to hear your passions and desires, new hands to touch the lonely and unloved parts of you inside and out. It sparks a hope in us that nothing like love can. We hope that this person will be the one we can grow with, who will understand us and treat us the way we’ve always dreamed of being treated.

More importantly than this outside love is what it sparks inside of us. It can allow us to love ourselves more than ever before while also bringing up our deepest insecurities. We begin by showing the brightest and shiniest parts of ourselves, hoping that will win them over. The way we enter a relationship is so telling of where we are at on the inside.

I remember the moment I wrote this poem, sitting under a tree staring out at the water. I felt elated and overcome by pure hope and love. I looked up at the leaves and they looked brighter than usual, almost as if they were glowing. In that moment I remembered feeling this way before. And then I remembered it fading and eventually leaving me completely. But it didn’t matter. Feeling it again reminded me of why we continue to search for this feeling over and over again even when it leads to pain or heartbreak.

This feeling is a reminder of what we are capable of feeling, with or without another person. All someone else can do is illuminate what’s possible in our own hearts and souls. Each relationship gets us closer and closer to this feeling of ecstasy and love inside of ourselves and without another person. We can feel this way with the divine, with our own inner parts, with our inner sacred union.

Without heartbreak, shadow and pain we cannot understand what it truly feels like to be in love and peace from the inside out. 💛

———————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Two
Falling In Love

This feeling of falling in love
With you and
With every part of me
Is like coming home

This is what my soul knows
What it’s been waiting to come back to
To feeling nourished
To feeling loved from the inside out
To loving the outside in

I see your face and smile
And even if it doesn’t work out
This feeling right here, right now
Is worth it all
This is what it’s all about

Freezing this moment and remembering
This is what we work so hard to get back to
This is why we dive deep
This is why we feel our shadow

Love,
Raianna Shai
SoulFullHeart Way Of Life

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Into The Ring Of SoulFire

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

“If your beloved has the life of a fire, step in now and burn along”
~ Rumi

This past month has been a whirlwind. Completions, separations, polarizations, realizations, communications, and reconciliations. It has been a sacred fire that has burned, illuminated, and alchemized the sacred union inside and out.

The re-union of Jelelle and Taliesin (Raphael) sent a wave of energy that sparked a lot of emotion that was attached to a big structure within myself that was a veil to my deepest need, desire, and truth. It was a way that I have related to them, others, and myself that has just lost traction and use. I am finding another layer of my True North and SoulFire.

I woke up digesting our last Monday group gathering and realized that my heart still had a huge compartment with Kasha’s name written all over it. We were not reconciled somehow. Something was not ‘done’ within me. We needed to divorce. We needed to go our own ways. We needed to come back together in service, and we needed to roll out a ‘friendship’. But that all came tumbling down when the SuperNova Sacred Union codes came into our fields this week,

I can’t shake what this woman does to me and for me! We hold keys for each other and a deep well of Love for and with each other. We have both done a lot of inner work the past 8 years and have had our ins and outs, and ups and downs.

We have a lot to continue to digest about all of that. It is a scary place to go back in and face all of those things and the places we had feared to tread between us, but the draw is undeniable. I love her. I need her. I want to serve love with her. So as Rumi said, into the Fire we go!

We have our challenges and our ease. We have something that is in need of deep exploration and illumination. She is my Divine Feminine expression embodied. I get to see and feel myself in a deeper way through her. She gets to do the same. We get to feel the Beloved with us, through us, as us, and serve from there. This is our deepest desire and mission.

Many of you have been around our past iterations and may not be the least bit surprised. It was both surprising and not for us as we just know this soul story somehow, yet we get to create a new one together on blank pages while rereading the previous chapters and taking notes for the next.

I am blessed to be writing this with you, Kasha. Ecstatic and terrified both! Yet I believe in my heart we both have enough inside of us to keep going in and keep getting as real as we can to cultivate more of that Love we are meant to serve to the world. I have thrown my hat into that Ring of Fire. Now time to see where that takes us next.

I love you…

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

My Romance Completion With Jelelle Awen

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

I’d like to share a deep personal update regarding myself and my relationship with Jelelle.

A few weeks ago, Jelelle and I agreed to give some space, and to sleep apart for a night or two, and that quickly arose to more clarity and relief and draw towards giving ourselves back to ourselves. A peaceful, palpable and supported guidance arose each day, amidst the shock and grief of that at the same time, to let go of our romantic and sexual bond of 12 plus years, and to see what wants to come next beyond that. 

Something undeniable was completing, had become more recognizable in recent months, and had now gone full circle and all we could do was be with it each day for the past several weeks. We checked in with one another most days since sharing deeper digestions, discoveries, apologies, many tears and love. Our immediate Soulfullheart community around us was our first line of support and we then in turn shared this on our members only Soulfullheart Portal. The support and love was overwhelming, making this unimaginable feared thing, somehow doable, albeit a rollercoaster at the same time. 

Jelelle and I agreed that we would like to share this publicly now in concert with one another as it feels weird at some point to not be transparent, after a needed more private space was taken. I feel accountable to love itself, to be transparent about my story, my gains, my losses, and then to let love return me to me, and me back to love. 

This is definitely a strange time, and timed with Gaia’s own solstice movements into death and rebirth. I feel weak in my body and mind to be sharing this all now, but I trust it at the same time. A cold arose in my body and has been moving through, something I can’t remember having a full on cold like this in so many years, understandable now as the body, heart and soul goes into a deep reset. 

I shared on our recent group call that Jelelle and I led that I felt maybe the one greatest treasure of discoveries this life is a discovery that has since led to all the discoveries and treasures that followed, including the treasure of these years with Jelelle, and that single most outstanding discovery is the ability to grieve. Without the ability to grieve, we limit ourselves from life’s death and rebirth cycles. Being incarnate into human form is to sign up for gain and loss, for joy and sorrow, and to the degree I can let in and feel the loss, is the degree the deeper joy that wants to come is then allowed to come. 

At 19, when a girlfriend broke up with me, it took me a full additional 19 years for life to feel safe enough for me to come to a place to let in the grief of that loss. The loss, though 19 years prior, was now through an awakening process like it was the week before as I suspended life as I knew it sufficiently to allow the waves of grief and tears to roll through. Looking back at that delayed grief experience now, some 20 years later, I can feel how epic of a turning point that was for me and how subsequent life changes that arose could be referenced back to that time. It was the kindergarten of my relationship to grief. I felt so human to feel my grace to lose deeply and in that to prepare for the magic of what was lost to return in whatever ways it wanted to. Being able to draw the relationship with Jelelle and then have the ability to show up for the many rigors that relationship would call me too was definitely rooted in that earlier grief process. 

Fast forward to today and I can so see how the arising treasure now in all this journey is the deepening into the love that wants to exist, me to me, my feminine to my masculine and vice versa, a love that can never be lost, or ‘taken away’. 

That all may sound a bit like a contextual big picture kind of perspective, and it is to be sure, but it doesn’t take away from the waves of feelings of allowing myself to completely melt down, repeatedly these past weeks into inconsolable tears at times of letting go. A deep and profound consolation does arise when I can just allow each part of me to have their unedited and necessary reactions. 

Jelelle and I have always acknowledged that our romantic bond would sustain while it was mutually growthful for us to deepen in this inward journey, and oh, how it has done that! This arising into deeper vulnerability where the only guarantee is an inward one, raises the stakes too, I’ve found, inviting more risk, more investment, more trust, and mostly more growth into The All that I Am. 

Maybe some of you who have followed us feel surprised or even shocked on some level to feel us not sustaining as a couple. I can only tell you that that is a human tendency, and a familiar one of my own, to project some kind of perfection onto an other, to pedestalize, a projection of your own perfection that you are just not ready to quite hold just yet and so you need a place to put it for safekeeping. If I was a part of that projection for you, I am honoured to have served you in that, and I’m sorry for your loss, while at the same time feeling the needs for each of our pedestals to topple when the time is ripe. The beloveds closest to us know all too well the grist in our edges that showed up in our relationship, and how sacred and necessary those edges were. I particularly am discovering a torch of illumination onto my configurations and relationship patterns these past days again, feeling what was parked in shadow and what was energized in light, and how all of that wants and needs to be loved now in the relief of a sacred completion inside of me – a homecoming, a returning home to myself after an amazing mission into beauty and bounty, a time to debrief, to let go and let in. 

To each of you who have loved and lost, and were subsequently willing to feel that loss, I feel like your kin, your kind, to have shared in that experience. To enter love is to enter love’s illusion and disillusion. Romance is particularly idyllic and fairy tale, where we are invited to make that fairy tale as true a fairy tale as can be, to ingest all of its experiences, and then to allow all of that to return to love itself. It’s got to be the biggest bravery and deepest vulnerability there is, to do this from the heart. 

Inevitably, there is the temptation to assign blame in the aftermath, as a resistance, a distraction to feeling the depth of the loss. Thank God, Jelelle and I both seemed to have truly made it past that mile post some time back together. There’s like this banquet of love to be felt on the other side of the blame game. If no one is to blame, then I can see where I limited love and admit it and ask forgiveness, not to be absolved of guilt, but to let love have its new and ongoing way with me, and hopefully between Jelelle and I into new grounds of love together. 

Beginning this month, as the place we’d been staying with the 5 of us as a community, was no longer available, and as our New Year travel plans for Malta were cancelled due to Covid, we all decided it was best and desirable to hunker down here in Glastonbury. Gabriel and I found a place to live in town to allow for the needed space to ground into this new reality, while remaining in connection as a fivesome here. 

Thank you to each of you reading this, feeling me, yourself, as I pause to feel what else I’d like to say in this post. Making this public feels like another layer of digestion, of accepting this new reality. Sharing this is an opportunity to receive love from love itself in the form of your responses and I open myself to that love. 

I’m so freaking grateful to have found my tears of reunion and to be a part of others finding their tears of reunion with themselves and with love. I’m grateful to serve others in their discoveries with love. I’m called to be this trans-parent, because god (our parent) knows, all that’s really needed is transparency – it heals everything and allows love to flow. 

Jelelle, I want to say publicly how profoundly grateful I am to you to have been your partner in romance, in sensuality, in sexuality, in vulnerability, in angst, in tears, in longings, in service to others, in evolution, in bounty and beauty, and in loss too. If I can lose this much, what does that have to say about how much more there is to gain, in new forms of love, with myself, with you, with life and with others? You are truly beautiful beyond compare. I hope I can stay in the room to endure the new forms of that love that want to radiate between us and through us, to allow the gift of these past 12 years to continue to unfold, into more joint service, into deeper community and service with others.  I love you.

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

The Beloved

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

The Beloved

What prepares you for being able to bear the beloved, is bearing the longing for the beloved. Belonging is one with being in longing, that starts from you to you, and only then provides the courage to risk all going in with a beloved, for only now, do you now possess the necessary safety of something you can never lose.

What enables you to dance with the beloved, is the dance with your own heart and soul. What drew you together is sure to undergo great and fearful change. How you relate with those changes is a mirror of what’s currently true in your deepest core of knowing and feeling.

What draws your beloved to you, is the magnet of your own inner tended garden radiating through all time and space. Fearing he or she will never come is only answered by continually preparing your heart chamber and making space, like breathing, in the even greater fearful awareness that he or she is most surely approaching, everyday closer, if you’ve set this intention.

What endures and can never be lost is love, for all is love and even that which is seemingly not love, came from love, in order to magnify itself. Your journey is always and ever the greatest story of love ever told, nothing more, nothing less. We all needed to be so deep and buried in the story; so lost and ‘in-character’ role playing, so that we could ‘event’ually awaken from the charade of our character in order to return back to the charisma at the core of all universes and cells and atoms alike.

We are all being invited to bear the longing of the beloved, and to expand our capacity to know and feel love, which is never to be satisfied for long, and is sure to kill as much as it is to enliven.

I write these words in my attempt to assist you in some way to be with the longing that lives in your heart, and for myself, to be with the ever expanding longing and joys that belonging with with my beloved, moves in me.

Happy and joy filled Valentine’s Day to all beloveds, the beloved Divine, beloveds in love, beloveds in waiting, and to ‘the one’ I am delighted to call ‘mine’ – Jelelle Awen

Xo😍❤️

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send us love in the form of money: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart 🙂

Heart-warm Closure With The Men Of My ‘Past’

Published on by Kasha Rokshana1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

Last night before going to sleep, some really sweet energies moved through my heart space that I so wasn’t expecting, but I welcomed it all fully. I felt invited to think about the men I’ve been with or ‘almost’ been with in romantic relationships. The ones who parts of me felt rejected by for some reason, the ones who kept me in the “friend zone”. The ones I made love with or talked about making love with. The ones I wanted to marry. The one I did. The ones I “friend-zoned” and sometimes felt confused about. The handsome ones… well, they were all handsome, let’s be honest. And I loved all of them.

In all of this I felt how much I STILL love them. And a genuine appreciation for them, and whatever relationship we had or didn’t have. I learned a lot from each of them. And somehow, up until last night, parts of me and Metasoul aspects in other lifetimes too, felt primarily rejected or cast aside or ignored… or simply unworthy, not good enough, and made it seem to themselves like these patterns of “not ever” being with a deeply passionate man who can truly meet me in all ways, “stay in the room” with me, explore his King’s leading and trailing edges while I explore my Queen’s, would last forever.

There’s no romantic companion in my field at the moment. No prospects or crushes beyond the etheric ‘mate’ I can sometimes see and feel. Yet, I felt guided to keep feeling this through. And for the first time, I could see not only the gift of each of these connections I’ve had, but the gift of ME that’s come out of each of them and the ways in which they were each able to adore and love me, no matter how complicated it was or wasn’t between us on a romantic or even just a friendship level. My own Inner Masculine took notes throughout all of these connections, I’ve realized, and decided from each of them what he would take with him and what he would help me say “no” to in the future, even within him, himself, in my relationship to him as an Inner Father, Protector, and Mate too.

My personal process is so deep for me that no matter what happens in my life, I “mine” it for the golden nuggets, the exquisite diamonds, of personal growth and healing on a heart and soul level. I have looked deep into the mirrors of all of these relationships with still more layers emerging, and I’ve been willing to let that show me what the truth of ME has been throughout it all; which parts of me were hiding or activated and where/why, which Metasoul aspects were feeling the pain and the sting (and also the joy and lust) in their own timelines.

All of this exploration has been rich beyond measure and I’m still reaping the rewards of these inward journeys. It’s because of this work that I’m able to, for the very first time, HONESTLY say “I am GRATEFUL for it all… for every cut, every bruise… every loving touch, every hug and kiss… every unconscious choice and every conscious one too.” If any of these men are reading this (many of them probably won’t because I’m not connected to them anymore… but I know their Higher Selves are listening and feeling this) I want them to know how much I can feel the adoration I and parts of me have always had for them on many levels, even with the impact we had on each other and the fear-based choices that sometimes overtook the love-based ones. We’ve helped shape each other into the people we are now and I know in my soul that I needed every single one of you.

Maybe now we can move even more fully into whatever is next for all of us.

Much love to you as these Valentine’s Day energies bring out whatever you may need or want to feel through in your own romantic life or even just with regard to the Sacred Union within…

Kalayna

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Falling IN Love

Published on by Raianna Shai1 Comment

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

By Raianna Shai

In the past few weeks I have been trying to find the space and time to write a blog post, finding that I have struggled to “force” something profound and meaningful out of me when sometimes just living is as profound as you need to be in any moment. I have so much desire to serve love to others and to share what I learn on my awakening journey. Even now, I have many ideas of what I could write about but the words aren’t flowing as easily as they have in the past.

So as I sit here with an open heart, energy and time, I decided just to write about where I am currently in my life. That is what’s most authentic and flows from my heart with ease.

Right now I am falling in love. With myself, with other, with my life and family. I am falling in love inside and outside. I am growing and changing and facing my fears as much as I possibly can to continue letting in all of this love.

My inner process has been focused on a feminine and masculine part of me who are also learning to fall in love. They both have desires, needs, boundaries and fears. My feminine part, who I am calling Shai, is emotional and passionate and a true romantic at heart. My masculine part, named Michael, is discerning, intelligent and has a gift of holding 3D tasks. Together, they are balanced and full of love. Apart, they are opposite forces working against one another creating fear, anxiety and projection onto others.

Because of the abundance of goodness in my life right now, I have been focusing on these two parts in order to be able to continue letting it all in. It’s easy for parts to get scared when things are going well. In a dimension where things tend to “go wrong”, we can make predictions ahead of time of what may not work or what we might lose. In that, we lose the moment. We lose what we have in the present and we don’t get everything out of it that we could.

I’m working on not expecting the worse. On not bracing myself for the impact of something bad. But first, I feel the parts that do expect the worst and discover why that is. The more that Shai and Michael vulnerably share their fears with me, the more they will fall in love and fall in tandem with one another. That’s when their gifts can shine and that love can be shared with others.

We talk about inner sacred union a lot for a reason. It’s so important to start within. To grow the glow of love so brightly that it shines through every pore and into those around you.

*****

I found this poem from almost two years ago that I thought was fitting for this! It’s from my masculine too my feminine:

I always thought I was different than the other men

More sensitive

More emotional

More mature

 

I thought I was protecting you from the other men

Giving you edges

Hiding your feelings

Numbing your reactions

 

I thought you’d be hurt by the other men

They would crack you into pieces

They would scratch your porcelain skin

They would break your fragile heart

 

But now I see your strength as a woman

Your compassion

Your empathetic prowess

Your stillness and energy, both

 

I thought I could hide you as a woman

Under formless clothing

Under quick-witted comebacks

Under disinterest in romance

 

Maybe now I can support you as a woman

Become the mind to your heart

Become the here to your now

Become the pot to your plant

 

I’m not meant to be your guard,

But instead your partner

Your partner in this dance

Few know the steps to

 

Where our rhythms match,

Our hearts unite

And our souls release the energy

Of every star in the nighttime sky

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Completing Our Sacred Union Romance

Published on by Kasha Rokshana2 Comments

By Gabriel & Kalayna Solais

From Gabriel ~ 

This is a hard post to write for many reasons. It signals the completion of something that has been a big part of my journey the past six years so there is mourning. It opens up to the vulnerability of what is real and moving for me in transparency. All of this is held with Love and Grace.

Recently I felt a need for Kalayna and I to take some physical space to feel into some deeper layers that have been some core issues between us for some time. We had been having a hard time connecting on a deeper level and could feel some much needed heart exploring and feeling to get to a root of something.

The fear was always that we could wind up finding out what has been eluding us that may not be reconcilable. Something baked in our dynamic that had a time stamp. We have been down this road a few times and eventually we needed to complete to go back into our own processes. Each time though we came back with new awareness and foundations.

However, this time we have had to admit through deep tears and some frustrations, that this romance needs to complete for its last time. The last chapter of a volume that comprises our larger story. It was not an easy choice to make considering we did just get married. I knew that there were things we had to go into but I wanted to do that while wed to her, because that is how I saw her. That is how I wanted to remember what we had. That she was my wife. My partner. My beloved mate in this wild ride of ascension.

The reasons run deep and wide. We have many differences between us that are hard to reconcile. In our solo processes and sessions with Jelelle and Raphael, we realized that what we have is meant in a different context. One that doesn’t have romantic ties but ties that run deep nevertheless. I have found that I need a space to access more of who I am to myself and in intimacy. I have work to do just as any other ascending human man. Kalayna came to a very similar conclusion for herself.

So many timelines and stories have needed to collapse and complete so that I can open up more to the Love that wants to occur from me to me, me to the Divine, and me to Other. This is an ebb and flow of clarity and tears. I hold this just as sacred as when I got married. This time I am marrying/integrating more of myself that had been put aside in the name of the Usness that just wasn’t meant to be in this way.

In all of this, the one thing that has always held firm and true is that my love for Kalayna is real. So much so that I need to let go so that she can arise and draw what her deepest heart needs. The same is true from her to me. This death and rebirth is a part of what we signed up for and it has been one of the biggest ones to date for me.

Thank you for taking this in to your heart and holding it with reverence. I will answer any questions you may have. I appreciate all the love and support you gave us during our time together and feel blessed to have been a recipient of it. I feel held in all of this by Divine Love. There is no one else I could have walked this out the way we have at this time then Kalayna. Thank you so much Kalayna for everything you were, are, and will continue to be.

From Kalayna ~

It’s been 6 years.

6 years of friendship, of off-and-on romance, of deep connections together on all levels: soul, heart, body, and mind.

And now something so sacred to us both is deeply completing.

We have navigated life together in so many different ways and phases… we’ve pressed forward into plans, launched ourselves into the unknown, met new parts of ourselves and each other, felt new Metasoul aspects of ourselves that are connected to one another and some that aren’t or don’t seem to be too. I’ve grown so much because of being with this amazing man… and the recent choice to become ‘married’ and to deepen in Sacred Union really gave me the gift of a longtime wish I had inside to marry HIM specifically. The fulfillment of a dream, truly. And I couldn’t have asked for a better man to have been my first true, deep, resonant love.

It’s been about a month now of process within myself while taking space from the relationship and altogether separating from Gabriel. I’ve been feeling what the tendrils were that parts of me had with him and so much of that is still unfolding.

It’s been very tender and raw to feel, but it’s time to complete our marriage, our coupleship, our 6 year cycle of going IN together in different ways, always wondering about being together romantically, ‘completing’ romantic phases without them feeling really complete. Now it feels like the romance actually IS complete. I’m realizing and letting in that the ground we’ve had together, though made and built upon with SO much deep resonance and goodness on ALL levels, is a ground that isn’t nourishing in the deeper ways we both would need for it to continue, the way I need it to be to continue…. I’m seeing how in our time spent apart recently, I’ve had more self-discoveries happen inside of myself than I did in much of our romance together, at a new depth that I had forgotten in some ways was possible and also needed personally.

You can imagine how profound and emotional this whole process of letting go of this relationship has been for my heart and soul. So many of you have taken in videos, writings, live streams with us co-leading and I’m still so grateful I got to do that with him. We even recently led a few in-person meditation circles here in Victoria and that was alive and nurturing too, a new taste of my own leadership and my leadership with a mate too (another lifelong dream of mine that still remains and likely always will). I’ve been really feeling it and really letting in the mega timeline shift this has been and how needed this is right now through the tears, the mourning, the frustrations and even the resentments towards him that surface sometimes in parts/Metasoul aspects of mine.

In this whole process I’ve felt wrecked, hopeful, despairing, and then newly alive as I feel some emerging possibilities for myself outside of our bond in service, in personal healing, in future possibilities for my life in all areas. I’ve felt parts of me that don’t want to leave this relationship or complete it, and then felt ME coming up in a new way to be with what’s real and to feel what really does need to complete here for my sake and his. It’s time to come home to ME in a new way…

There’s nothing in me that doesn’t want to be connected to Gabriel somehow… and we both know so well the ground of sacred friendship that we can and DO have together. In some ways, these transaction grounds on a friendship level are just easier for us with so many gaps between us in life and soul experience that just aren’t as bridgeable in a romance as parts of me were hoping they would be.

The promise of Sacred Union is that you will grow… not that you will stay together romantically forever, especially if the bond cannot be kept alive and lively, renewing and rebooting. This has been our experience in the last 6 years of knowing each other and being together in different ways for different phases, and it feels like this last phase of romantic exploration HAS been the deepest we could go in this lifetime while in Sacred Union together.

I knew when we got married recently, that this was a step I needed and wanted to take with him, no matter how long it would last. In a sense it actually feels like we’ve been married for as many as 10 years, let alone just a few months, especially with all of the new realizations coming through that could only really be coming through because of the ground and history I’ve experienced with him. My process is calling me to keep moving forward and onward, as sad as it still feels to be moving on without him by my side…

I so welcome any questions or comments you may have…

Much love to you all… thank you for being a Sacred part of our journey.

****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s Facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess. 

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Deep Human Fear Of Intimacy

Published on by Kasha Rokshana2 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

One of the deepest fears of humanity seems to be intimacy. Relationships that deepen. These relationships are not just romantic either, though that is one of the most challenging grounds in which to work this fear. This also includes beloved friends, colleagues, the Divine… and yourself.

How intimate are you with yourself or parts of you? How intimate do you feel you are with the Divine and with others around you?

3D conditioning has created a block, a defense against intimacy. It reminds our soul too much of Oneness and our decision to separate in order to experience life here and learn through it, grow because of it, and rejoin into Oneness when it’s time to do so. It brings us back to the love we once trusted that somehow 3D life has taught us either doesn’t exist or it takes too much work to earn it.

To be intimate, starting with ourselves, is our birthright and the journey we came here to inhabit. It is the wellspring of Self Love which overflows the love that then is shared with others.

To be intimate also means being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is also scary for parts of you because of your conditioning that it somehow isn’t ok to not be ok.

And… to be vulnerable means to make space to feel and share love. It doesn’t just mean sharing your pain, it means sharing your tears of joy too, your celebration of others and yourself, your gratitude for the Divine and Its ever-loving support.

To be truly intimate with Self and others really offers us all a deepening journey of feeling every line of defense within and every case made by parts of us to keep guarding those defenses and keep them in place. To actually go inward and feel the fears is the deepest gift to offer these parts as they trust your space-holding more. They and you begin to feel naked to your own truths and bake in these opportunities for rebirth.

To begin to open your heart again after all you’ve walked out in THIS life let alone other lives, is no small feat and uncovers no small fears along the way. Yet with every tear of pain or joy or relief or anguish undoes the lock to another layer of who you’ve been and had to be until now and who parts of you have had to become in order to preserve the precious depths within you and within themselves too.

It is a deep passion of mine and my beloveds to support your unlocking and unfolding of all of these pieces… sessions with any of us are available for you and we would love to serve you:soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions ❤️

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.