A part of us has created a safe space, a known space, even if what is known is suffering. The light and warmth of this space keeps him there. Anchored to the perimeter of its glow. Yet, from time to time, or maybe all the time, a voice calls out from the darkness, from the Shadow.
It may start off small but then grows in intensity. How that shows up for each of us is different. It may be a physical message, a mental chatter, or an emotional surge. Whatever the case, it is calling to us to enter the forgotten, the repressed, and the hidden.
The Quest into our shadowlands is our quest for the Holy Grail of our Truth, Authenticity, and Vulnerability. It is a different kind of lightless fire that forges something long cast aside. Something we had only dreamed of or desired while staring into the fire of our comfort or suffering.
There is a whole world in that darkness. A world we are being called to light the flames of once again. A world that holds us responsible for its tending and expansion. A new order that is created by facing our fears, our needs, our pain, and our passion.
Along the way, we confront and meet the parts and aspects of us that have been living in these hinterlands, not so far from the edge of our campfire. As we meet and hold space for their healing and integration, we are ready for whatever comes next in the time and pace it is meant to. We are not hunting in the shadow, we are calling out to it with care and curiosity. If we are on the offense, they will be on the defense.
With each new connection and healing a bond is formed inside that had been severed. An extension of the old fire is created and the expansion of the inner kingdom is claimed. We become ambassadors to our Shadow and the Darkness within, then the benevolent king of their new world that is encased in the SoulFire.
The journey begins by our desire, need, and call to be the most authentic and divinely aligned version of ourselves. Only then will we experience true sovereignty of this human incarnation. We chose this, so let’s claim it. Shadow and All.
*****
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org/soulfire for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
Thank you, Brother For going into your heart And setting the sails for a new course A course set by the prevailing winds Of the call to heal
Thank you, Brother For the courage to feel All the things that have been locked away For they have needed to be Until the closet got too full
Thank you, Brother For your willingness to take responsibility Of what lies right in front of you The impact and consequences Of not facing the shadow
Thank you, Brother For looking in the mirror And loving the man you are now, The man you were then, And the man you want to become.
Thank you, Brother For your honesty For your bravery For your vulnerability For your passion For your vision For your alignment of Heart and Soul
For you are a part of the next generation The next incarnation The next evolution Of what it means to be a healthy human man.
*****
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
I felt to digest the ongoing Deepen video series that is hosted by my mentors and beloved soul friends, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, from my own personal experience. The second video of this series is on the Emotional Body, which can be found here: https://youtu.be/zYepOaMYNwQ
Before I started working with Jelelle and Raphael 10 years ago I would definitely say that my emotional body was in a pretzel. I tried many practices to get me to breathe, meditate, and move energy. Regardless of what I did I found that the reoccurring depression, frustration, and anxiety were not really being addressed in a fundamental way.
As a child I was very emotional both in sensitive and aggressive ways. I would cry a lot as a young boy and then I moved into anger and temper. As I got older I would use alcohol as a means to manage this emotional turmoil. I never felt very safe to address this with my parents as they too had there own emotional turmoil going on.
I eventually went to therapy briefly to get to some root of it but I was mostly given coping mechanisms and strategies. As I started my journey with sessions, I found many places inside of me where emotional energy was being stored by parts of me at different times of my life. By holding this energy as a part of me rather than an unknown influence over me, I began to have a bigger sense of where these emotions were coming from and what was triggering them.
I had always had a hard time being vulnerable. There was a deep lack of trust and safety to bring out more of the hurt as well as the rage. There was a lot competing for attention inside of me and it became overwhelming. The emotions would surge and I needed a way to deal with them. As a boy growing up I did not really have the modelling of healthy expression and acceptance for what I was really feeling.
This kept me in a fairly immature state as a man even as I had so much responsibility as a teacher and a father. I found ways to stuff things away so that I could be the Good Guy, Teacher, Father, Son, and Friend. Eventually, the dam had to break and I found myself in some deep depression and needed a way to digest all of this emotional backlog.
Since I began my inner journey, I have been able to address many of those emotional issues inside of me. I was able to connect and relate to parts of me that held so many emotional frequencies. I was able to feel their pain as well as their needs. I began to be more honest as well as create more boundaries to protect and cultivate more love for myself and these inner parts of me. This led me to many courageous choices that was previously unlike me.
I continue on that journey of increasing vulnerability, authenticity, transparency, and intimacy. I feel my river of emotion is more stable, more open to real-time fluctuations that are rooted in the moment rather than suppressed, and held in self-worth and care for others. It is an ongoing process that is now more untangling soul themes more than this-life circumstances.
If any of this resonates with you, I highly recommend you check out the video link above and take in the teaching and meditation. It may provide a going on place for you in your desire to heal the emotional vibrations and issues that may live inside of you. This is especially a difficult one for men and even the masculine in women. I hope it serves you in any way it is meant to.
Here is to the beginning of a New Year of inner health that starts in the Heart.
*****
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc
In my ongoing journey of accessing and embodying my authentic, sacred masculine, I am finding where I have lived in the space between the Wolf and the Lion. The Wolf represents the more instinctual, primal energy, and the Lion the more kingly, leadership aspect. One with bite, the other with roar.
I have been aware of how both of these aspects have been hidden in shadow. A fear of my power and truth that lay within. The authentic, integrated masculine has struggled to arise for many men. There is a resistance to unleashing these aspects for a variety of reasons. When one hears the call of, “where are the real men nowadays?!”, there is a judgement in that somewhere rather than a heartfelt curiosity, both from those asking and from those of us receiving.
Yes, we are all being called to our power and truth, men and women alike. In that calling, we are met with our own personal initiations into the realm of our bigness and presence. We are sent on a quest through the hinterlands of the Shadow and what we have sequestered there until further notice. There is a veil of protection that lies in between. It is the meeting of this layer where we gain access to our most authentic self, rough edges, defensiveness, weaknesses and all.
We can respond to the trumpet of the call to action, and create an image based on someone else’s version of what it means to be a man in today’s volatile world. That may serve a purpose for some. A part of an initiation and growth edge. There is also going into what is real and authentic for you; your own process of self-awareness and empowerment that is not just about the collective but your own soul’s healing, maturation, and purpose on this planet at this time.
These energies are calling me to reconcile my masculine shadow and power as a sacred union mate, a community leader, a healer, and a teacher. These aspects are not separate from each other but integral to one another. They are also not separate from the feminine principle either. Again, integral. It is being held by this sacred feminine that the sacred masculine can arise with the trust that any shadow can and will be addressed with Love and Compassion.
This is my journey. My evolution into embodying and expressing more of what is true for me and not for anyone else. This is what I feel I am being called to live into and serve. To honor and awaken what has been hidden and forsaken in this masculine heart and soul, for myself and for those that it is meant to resonate with.
*****
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
The conditioning is deep around what we’ve been taught real love and care is and looks like. It’s challenging to feel it in different ways, to take a deep look at how we’ve related to love and how we’ve been convinced we’re supposed to embody it.
So often what we think of as loving or caring can have more of a negative impact on others than a positive one. False apologies, empty promises, tugging and grabbing at others… these frequencies can be obvious or subtle. And in any case, we aren’t genuinely caring about our impact on others, only what parts of us want and are afraid they won’t get or look like on the outside. I so know this one from my own process too, and learning to see and feel even the subtle ways in which this happens is illuminating and invites you to shift these patterns for good.
I think so often we (or parts of us) are actually terrified to deeply feel what it would be like to be someone else and genuinely feel our impact on them, whether or not we feel we’ve been ‘loving’ toward them.
This is tricky… and hard to feel too. It can be hard to look inward and challenge how we have been holding love and what it means to love another, whether in official ‘service of love’ or in everyday relationships. It’s amazing what it illuminates within though… which is so often an untouched inner reality of how we ourselves, and parts of us, have felt incredibly unworthy of real love, abandoned somehow, and in a void space that has never been filled by genuine self-love and the journey of unfolding that within.
So what does it look and feel like to actually care and love another person?
To me, it feels like giving space for another’s growth without tugging on them to join in on yours. It feels like inviting someone to share with you what they need and want, but not with a commitment from you to make it happen for them. It feels like the overflow of good inner-parenting, of relating to yourself and getting to know your own quirks and shadowy aspects and energies within you as well as your gifts and growth and flowing this energy to another to support their own inner-parenting to grow and blossom too. It feels like being willing to let go even when your heart really doesn’t want to.
It’s a lot to feel into these pieces and truth be told, I’m not sure any of us can truly master this skill of loving another in the purest way… we and parts of us all have understandable investments in relationships of all kinds and hopes that they will last too. We all have desires and dreams and don’t really ever want to feel lonely (though really landing in the loneliness has so many gifts too)… we all have what we want to experience from others and in our lives in general. Yet love asks us to trust… to invest in the process yet divest of the outcome. To feel what we want most and understand that it won’t always come to us in ways we can control.
Above all, love wants us to remember that it is never against us or anybody else, though it can feel that way at times. It only ever wants us to experience more of it within so that we can share it with others. This flow of love is really all the ‘service of love’ is anyways, though it can be dressed up in many ways and be given many labels and is not always easy to truly embody for ourselves, let alone others.
Much love to you as you continue to experience your own journey into more and more REAL love, and the path of learning to embody love in the most authentic way possible. ❤
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
I’ve been feeling into authenticity lately. What it means, what it looks like, how it feels. To be authentic, to me, means not only to be real but to be transparent. To be honest with where you’re at even if part of you feels like you should be somewhere else.
To serve love in authenticity requires a level of vulnerable transparency. Even the most healed, most in 5D and the most genuine of us aren’t at that place 100% of the time. And why would we want to be? That means you’re done growing, you have nothing left to learn, your soul can no longer expand. We are far too infinite for that to ever happen.
So instead of seeing where I want to be as an end goal, I am choosing for it to be a reflection of where I am now. There is nothing wrong with where we are in this moment. Whether we are in pain, in deep tears, in what feels like an uncontrollable rage, completely neutral or in bliss – it is all sacred.
Today, I feel so so sleepy. Yes, I woke up at 4:30am to teach English but I’ve already taken a nap and barely left my bed since. My authenticity in this moment is not my ideal 5D self. Part of me feels judgement about being so tired, part of me feels resistant to being curious about my tiredness and another part of me just feels plain content and pretty comfortable at the moment.
Feeling where I desire to be, how my highest self exists right now, I am okay with where I am. I am not in bliss in this moment. My parts don’t feel completely comfortable nor are they overflowing with happiness. I am not heart wrenchingly sad, I am not going through a deep process. I am where I am and that’s okay.
I had no plan of where this was going but maybe someone out there needed to hear this. I know how much pressure there is in 3D to feel happy and light. To not be a “downer” and to make situations more comfortable for others. But it’s okay to feel the parts of you that are so not okay. I invite anyone reading this to breathe, close your eyes, go in, and just feel. Just be. You ARE enough, you ARE loved, and you ARE worthy.
The heart is always authentic, whether you and your parts are open to it or not. It will always be real.
To love fully, we must be self-filled, not self-less… this can a hard one to wrap our heads and hearts around, as parts of us tend to be very conditioned to the idea that in order love someone ‘the right way’, this often means sacrificing or over-compromising on many things, including but not limited to, our sense of spirituality, our emotional reality, our lifestyle, etc. It often means that parts of us have been OK with ‘shrinking to fit’ in order to maintain certain relationships, even if these relationships aren’t deeply resonant or nourishing, leaving us feeling drained, depressed, maybe even very ill.
Our 3D selves, often made up of many different parts of us, like our Inner Teenager, Inner Mother/Father (or Matriarch/Patriarch), Inner Punisher, and Inner Protector, seem to have a way of expressing ‘love’ that often compromises even their own deeply held beliefs and feelings. Love then becomes a game of disowning and dishonoring our authentic emotional reality for the sake of others as well as being very self-sacrificial and often martyrs, too. Over-giving becomes the norm and choosing YOU over anyone else becomes a ground for self-punishment and beratement instead of a feeling of needing to fill up the inner love-tank so that you only have MORE to give and receive, too. Chances are that if you are wired-up to live in this more outbound way, you often find yourself drained energetically, emotionally and even spiritually.
I hear many empaths staking the claim that everyone around them ‘drains’ them, painting a picture that their gift of being empathic is actually a burden, which it can certainly feel like to parts of us, especially while this dynamic of over-giving to others and under-giving to yourself is going on. The truth that I have felt and experienced, is that our need to go within is a strong one that shows itself in so many ways… and that the gift of being here to serve love means serving from an overflow of SELF love; a steady stream created within by the waters of self care and creating a sacred space for yourself, your parts, your Metasoul Aspects to land in.
Taking the space necessary in order to find this deep inner overflow is tricky while surrounded by others who do not value this space for themselves. The love we have and want to offer each other will always be there in some form, yet without space to feel and BE in our own hearts and healing processes, means that we are serving water from a dry or drying-out well that needs replenishment which must start from within. It is as important to be with ourselves as it is to be surrounded by others who offer nourishment on all levels of being and in all areas of our lives and that want to support us in taking care of us as well as being supportive towards them.
This felt like an important point to share today, especially as Gabriel Heartman and I have been digesting and sharing a lot about the social area of life in our vlog series, Practical Ascension. If you are curious to take in more about our experience of healing in this area of life and what we offer through the SoulFullHeart lens, you can find our videos on Youtube on the SoulFullHeart Experience channel and on this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNmrHdaQSAvInP1AB__TzXykZythfad8i
Filling up within can be one of the hardest things to imagine doing for different parts of us, depending on the configuration of our lives, yet it is so important, especially during these times of intense awakenings and upgrades happening on all levels and the increasing depth of our own Ascension processes! Nothing draws the relationships with others that we truly desire, more than being willing to say ‘no’ when necessary, to say ‘yes’ when it feels nourishing and alive, and to find a relationship with ourselves that is truly loving, unconditional and infinite. ❤
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
Disclosure is happening on all sides and inside too… the thing with crisis is that we have needed it. We have needed it in order to illuminate what’s been happening inside of us and also in our relationships and the people around us. There is nothing like a death in the family, for example, to bring to light the true colours of parts within each family member – how you respond to each and every event in your life, is a chance to look into a mirror, no matter how extreme or intense the event is. What parts of you would rather pave over, pretend isn’t there STILL, even though it is staring you in your very eyes, is a choice that often leads to more drama, more crisis, more chaos. It’s not about going down the road of self-punishment, either… so many do this, often without realizing this is what’s happening on some level of their being. Often this inner response is so ingrained that it just feels normal.
This response is what spills over into a lack of genuine compassion for others who are walking out the crisis too. This response is what keeps you from feeling others AND yourself in a deeper way.
Whether you feel you are a lightworker or not, there is so much to let in around what real compassion looks and feels like. Anything that is dismissed as ONLY ‘victim mentality’ or ONLY anything else, is a black and white conclusion that does not serve love in the way your most genuine heart intends to. Others are suffering and their parts need to be felt inside of the pain before they can heal the victim within. Spill-over of self-punishment and criticism frequencies is something very powerful to watch and feel for, happening in the wildfire raging within, coming from parts that feel the crisis environment and aren’t sure how to be with it…
There is so much to be discovered within, within, withIN… there has been so much need for drama and crisis as more disclosure takes place and there will likely need to be some more because the light it casts into the darkness is the most powerful gift we could be given during these times. It does feel like eventually we won’t need this chaos anymore, and indeed we will draw it less individually if the chaos is felt and heard and healed within… one felt step at a time.
To have space held in love WITH you, is an essentially part of going inward, feeling personal disclosure, and digesting the experience with a heart-open other. We offer free 30min intro sessions and hold them with the intention of helping you go where you cannot go on your own and without direct support from someone who has been there. Visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information. ❤
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
There is a moment in our lives when it all just hits the fan. The way we used to interface with the world no longer has any juice left. The cracks in the facade start to weather, and you just can’t roll with things the way you used to. You can’t be false. Then the only thing you can really do is shut down, go crazy, or start being honest with yourself. This is where life gets real and that can be difficult to this part of you that has protected you and tried to find love the only way it knew how. But it is tired and it is looking for You to come into the picture and help put it all in “order”.
When it is time to let go and get real, it can be a very uneasy process. There are so many tricky places and conditioned responses that can send us in a wild goose chase for our golden egg of authenticity. There are painful obstacles and trip-wire sabotage. Yet there are also glorious movements that bring the walls down and bring in the light of real love from the core of what we truly are. These times of deep emotional upheavals are like love magma that is looking to surface and coat the pain of what was unfelt. With a deep spirituality, you can be held during these times by something greater than the pain.
It is going into our emotional wounding that actually gives the spiritual body its depth and meaning. It is not at all separate, but intrinsically connected to our emotional body. We can live very content emotional and spiritual lives on the surface, but when we consciously choose to enter into something that goes to the core of our BEing we find that we have only just begun to become aware of what we really are and can be. But as with any real growth comes the price of deep feeling and the transaction of real love.
I can feel the next layers of what eventually needs healing in my emotional body that only comes when divine timing and situation has coalesced to bring that to my awareness. It can generally take you by surprise and create reactions that are just so perfect for where we need to go to grow. I have times feeling a part that doesn’t want to “go there” only to assure it that what lies on the other side is more goodness and more love.
This process of emotional and spiritual maturation can be very challenging and difficult to navigate on ones own. It is being held and guided by others, in community, that serve this very rewarding pathway. You may find yourself in times of deep personal process that needs a bigger You to show up to, but know that is all part of what is being given to you as a gift for further deepening of emotional and spiritual consciousness. Knowing there is Love on the other side is what keeps you going and growing.
To feel more about what this the burgeoning new way of life may have to offer you, I invite you to attend our next SoulFullHeart group call this Saturday at 11:11 AM CST. We will be offering teachings about bridging to your emotional body and your spirituality and a guided meditation to connect with your emotional body (plus individual sharings): https://www.facebook.com/events/271320303342295
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
A feeling of wanting to reach up and touch the sky above you… better still, leap up into it, soaring into the heights you so feel are possible inside your heart. You get it… you get that something inside of you is needing air and is collapsing in on itself in a struggle to fit into a mold passed down by parents and the media and all sides of your culture. You don’t know quite what you or your life are really “supposed” to look and feel like yet, and many choices (though you may not see ALL of them in every moment) lay before you.
Many, many different boxes packed with possibilities are placed in all corners of your room, wanting you to unpack them and see what could be inside. So many questions, all too often answered by pre-conditioning, regarding what you should do with your life and why, where you should live and why, what makes your life worth living and why… what should be your values, your morals, your ways of expressing, your ways of measuring your net and self worth. But it’s all a big ceiling that wasn’t MEANT for you, sweet soul! Oh my god, it was imposed on you and with your permission and you’ve let it stay there for this long, and now you feel the press of your bigness wanting to pop it open… but society tells you that this is “depression”, or worse still, that what you’re feeling and experiencing IS life itself and nothing more or less… this compounds inside of you until you pop like a jack-in-the-box, taking risks, saying NO, finding your way, crawling through glass at times and yet still finding your way – often a “way” that could not be prescribed by those who came before you. No. It’s YOURS and it was always meant to BE yours…
Oh, the things you are feeling… the stuck places where you feel there’s no movement. The identity “crises” (that are really OPPORTUNITIES…) these are ALL trying to move your compass in a different direction. This is trying to wake you up and shake up your way of BEing in life, showing you with neon lights that this is NOT the way you HAVE TO choose. Your 20s are a shadowy time in some ways… there are many shadows lurking around you, reflections of old ways of doing things that somehow was passed on to you, but now is your chance to find your NO and break through your glass ceiling. You do have the power to burst through this… after all, the ceiling is there with YOUR permission anyways, as is ALL of your conditioning from culture, birth family, and those friends you’ve drawn to you.
Maybe you decided to go to college. Going back is an option, but maybe doesn’t feel like the real answer… so much is stirring inside you, like a baby lion reaching deep within for its first roar. You’re meant to claim whatever this roar is and needs to be. Pushing away from what ISN’T you can take this step sometimes. There may be mess, but you are so held in every moment and there is so much support coming at you from all sides, holding healing balms and salves… guiding you to lean into a deeper, bigger, more authentic YOU that works without bells and whistles and cavalcades. It is a YOU that calls subtly at first and then gets louder when you’re ready to hear it and feel it. It is a YOU that wants center stage at the center of your being but cannot take it without YOUR permission.
YOU are here because YOU are an epic, HUGE soul and that ceiling you’ve been surviving under is cracking… it’s your choice now, whether or not you want to take the road that is known, or the one less traveled by. Either way, know that there is no wrong or right, only choice, and that every single breath you take is just as sacred as the first and the last. You have decisions at your fingertips and magic in your palms. The world needs you and you need you, to step into the calling to be a new sort of King and Queen – completely sovereign in your own self, leading others into the heart territory you too long to go in, feeling how what you really, deeply, actually feel is what is meant to guide you and others into new places and aspects of space and “time” yet undiscovered or unremembered. You are being remembered by the universe just as you are remembering yourself. There is so much beyond that cap you’ve gone along with for this long. There is so much more love, respect and absolute wonder waiting for you, wanting you to find and feel it all, coming straight from within. It is a constant choice that requires no more than your renewed commitment to it in every moment – Awaken with the soul pull knocking at your heart-door, or go back to sleep…
Which are you choosing?
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
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