The Role Of Your Inner Protector

by Kalayna Colibri

caspar-david-friedrich-the-wanderer-above-the-sea-of-fog

Artwork: The Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog by Caspar David Friedrich

A voice inside that tells you to be careful, and may even encourage you to have your guard so ‘up’ that relaxation feels impossible. A feeling of complete or nearly complete distrust of anyone, maybe even without much explanation or logical reasoning. A heightened sense of needing to protect yourself, that in some ways you may be so used to feeling that it becomes unconscious when it comes up and it comes up so automatically most of the time. A sense that there is a lot ‘out there’ to be wary of in terms of 3D dangers in your everyday life, but also in terms of ‘psychic attacks’ and ‘influences’.

This is the experience of having a sharp and astute Inner Protector, always at the ready, always standing at the helm, always on the lookout. There isn’t much room for feminine softness in this picture if you are a woman, or vulnerable sharing of your inner world if you are a man. There is a sense of finding ways to be in control of the situation you’re in, no matter what, even though underneath that you may feel the rumblings of actually feeling quite the opposite most of the time. In women, this energy tends to express as quite masculine, sometimes calling itself a ‘goddess’ or ‘warrior woman’. In men, this energy tends to express as overly ‘masculine’ in a way that is direct without heart, and penetrative without feeling. In both camps, there is so little vulnerability accessible, that it can feel impossible to feel anything but defensive in interactions with others.  Maybe when you are at home alone can you finally let this guard down and just be… yet for those of you who have families or a husband or wife, maybe this guard never really drops or relaxes to make room for a real ground of intimacy and love transaction with others.

Your Inner Protector has so needed to be there. In all of those interactions you had as a child, it began picking up on strategies other Inner Protectors were using, ways to control you and other parts of you, while also perhaps controlling others, however, whenever possible. Feeling offended or the need to defend against something that has been said or someone who you’re interacting with is so often a knee-jerk, automated sort of reaction from this part of you. This part has needed to be this way in a world that encourages either intense defenses and fear for one reason or other, or the complete dropping of all protection in order to access sexual or etheric experiences that you are told you are ‘supposed to’ get to. You may gravitate towards peak experiences like taking Ayahuasca or Peyote or other less natural drugs, or workshops and retreats that get you out of the normal day-to-day grind in order to elevate above the protection and find something different. The protection can be a veil on different levels of your being, wanting to keep you from feeling, from accessing YOU and your parts in a deeper way, which would lead to a more profound awakening experience.

As you heal, the need for a strong Inner Protector lessens and dissipates. Impenetrable walls and defensive reactivity turn into healthy, porous boundaries held with love and self-worth. The Protector changes form, helping you to transform as well, allowing for greater, sweeter intimacy with self and others that may challenge you in good ways at times. Ultimately it’s a process of letting more love in, for that is really what the Inner Protector is afraid of… love flowing into you and permanently changing all that it has worked to maintain up ’til now.

If you would like to perhaps try and meet your Inner Protector, you can listen to this SoulFullHeart group call and also try the meditation:  https://youtu.be/yP0OmxcSScc

If you feel you’d like to venture further into this energy, we offer ongoing sessions and a profound process around getting to know and healing your protector and other parts of you: www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

From my heart to yours, sending lots of love to your Inner Protector and all they’ve held and continue to hold… ❤

 

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Five Reasons Why It Is Challenging To Set Healthy boundaries

By Jelelle Awen
boundarysetting

The process of boundary setting and perhaps taking space in relationship or breaks is an important one related to our ascension process and arisement of our 5D self as every relationship we are in is an energy exchange. It is a key aspect of growing and arising into our soul self as every energy we engage with is a reflection of us. This process of sorting through relationships and setting and BEing boundaries is an aspect of the transition and awakening into your 4D self.

I feel setting a healthy boundary with someone in a relationship as being about the sense that we can no longer be in relationship with them or we need space from the relationship because it isn’t healthy or self loving for us to remain or because we just don’t have the reSOULance value ground to BE in relationship any longer (even as love remains). A ‘porous’ boundary would be one that is open to being changed if the person changes or if the ground of the relationship becomes healthier through inner healing work, soul awakenings, or shifts and choices that happen.

Every boundary has a door, just as every fence has a gate. Healthy boundary setting can be done with an open heart, with love and compassion for both the person and ourselves, and before the relationship reaches high levels of toxicity or codependency that is harmful to both sides. This is challenging in our culture, however, and most people struggle a lot with this and how to BE with it.

Why is it so challenging to set boundaries with people in relationships, even when the level of abuse and toxicity is obvious to us? There are many possible answers to this question that could be applied in a universal way even as every individual situation is different.

1) One of the reasons it is so challenging to set and BE in healthy boundaries is because most of us received no modeling on how to do or be this with our caregivers AND we weren’t ‘allowed’ to set any boundaries with our families prior to adulthood.

We are such sponges, absorbing all the energies and emotional tones of our families as we grow up. By the time we are teenagers, we are so filled up with these tones and energies that part of us begins to rebel against what we had no choice in absorbing, which is a form of boundary setting. Some of us continue this rebellion until adulthood and eventually our boundary setting with family may end up being a complete push away or break from them for a phase of time or for life. Most of us are not invited to set boundaries with our family members and we wouldn’t anyway because of our food and shelter needs that they provide.

3D conditioning is that we are required to deal with whatever we are given or however we are treated without advocating or defending ourselves and without the opportunity to say, ‘No’. So, we learn how to live with what we inherited and the cost to the expression of our authentic self and the development of the ability to set boundaries out of self love is hugely impacted. Basically, we literally have ‘no idea’ how to set healthy boundaries because we didn’t ‘see’ and ‘learn’ how to do it from our families.

2) This leads into the second reason, which is that we don’t have enough self love or core self worth to lead this navigation of boundary setting. In SoulFullHeart work, core self worth is something that emerges after much processing with the parts of us who don’t find us worthy and yet are tasked with protecting and defending us, such as our inner punisher-critic, our controller-protector, our inner matriarch-patriarch, etc. These parts of us have developed as internal voices and energies inside of us because of the energies and tones we took in from our caregivers.

It is actually an aspect of our self-defense structure to develop these parts of us that keep the messages running that we ‘are not worthy of love’ or ‘are unlovable’ or ‘are crazy’ or whatever the message is. These parts are actually trying to keep us safe by knocking us down first before someone else does (which is what happened in childhood) or before we get too ‘big’ and do unsafe things. I know this sounds strange, but over eleven years of working with people in subpersonality work, I have seen this over and over again. And, of course, I have felt this in myself. Without an innate sense of core self worth and self love, it is very difficult to say ‘no’ to unhealthy frequencies. Saying ‘no’ means that we are saying ‘yes’ to what nourishes us and that we feel that we are worth it.

3) Boundary setting can be challenging because we don’t know which ones to set and which part of us is doing it. Sometimes it can feel like we are setting healthy boundaries because part of us has said ‘no’ to something or a relationship and is shutting it out, but it actually IS necessary for us to go into it or it could lead to our next growth place to go into it. Parts of us (the protector-controller again primarily) actually like saying ‘no!’ but it can be misdirected and misplaced. This part of us can say ‘no’ to people who are trying to help us by no longer enabling us or by bringing us a tough truth that we don’t want to see. Or this part of us can say, ‘no’ to changes that we need to make or tough conversations that we need to have that could bring conflict and more changes. So, this can be a confusing ground to navigate and asking, “Which part of me wants this boundary and why?” is a very important one.

4) Boundary setting can make us look ‘bad’ or ‘not nice.’ For the parts of us that care about our self-image or how others perceive us, it can be very uncomfortable if we are judged by the person (or others) that we are setting the boundary with as mean or not nice. We are so conditioned in our culture around ‘being nice’ and that it is a ‘good thing’…..even as most relationships, if you go deeper, have a layer of toxicity and falseness in them that has nothing to do with being ‘nice’. Many people would rather preserve the self image of being nice even with someone who is NOT nice with them and actually treats them badly. This behavior pattern has usually been strongly modeled by one of our parents or both of them.

5) It’s challenging and nearly impossible to set boundaries with others if we haven’t set them with parts of ourselves. This is a crucial aspect of parts process work: learning when to set a boundary with a part of us when we identify and feel that we don’t want their behavior to continue because it is isn’t self loving. We literally have to set a boundary with them as the 5D arising Higher Self sometimes in order to be ‘bigger’ than the part of us. For example, we feel love for the inner punisher even as we set a boundary with this part of us to stop beating us down with self judgments. Or we have to say ‘no’ to certain things which parts of us use to keep us numb to our deeper feelings. Our growing 4D and 5D self learns to do this in a loving way that is both strong and open. When parts of us feel this energy of healthy boundary setting arise in us, they lean into it. They have been waiting for it our whole lives and parts of us become relieved because finally an ‘adult’ is home to say what is nourishing and healthy and what is not.

Boundary setting transforms relationships, either by closing them down for a period of time or by opening them up to something new. In my experience, both sides benefit from healthy and porous boundary setting, even if one side is leading it (which is usually the case.) Boundary setting doesn’t have to be a ‘one time’ thing in relationships with a dramatic declaration and big fallout, although that is often what happens if it hasn’t been done consistently.

In healthy and authentic relationships, boundary setting is something that is being talked about and negotiated, something that just happens organically and, in an intimate relationship, sometimes several times a day. And, it is porous…meaning it shifts and changes based on the current conditions. It can be porous if both people are working on healing their hearts through subpersonality work and if they are dedicated and committed to serving the LOVE in the relationship. And it feels like in relationships that are mostly based in 5D consciousness frequencies, boundary setting is not even necessary as the Oneness connection and soul ground flows between the relationships in most moments.

Letting go of what doesn’t nourish us in relationships (or in ANY area of our lives), allows us to let in what really DOES….it makes space for more LOVE to arise inside of us and in our lives.

 

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, soul scribe, wayshower, multidimensional bridge, lover of love and co-creator and facilitator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book, Becoming The NEW 5D Sacred Human. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions with her, group calls, videos, community, etc.