by Kasha Rokshana
One of the many, many expressions of our feminines is the Inner Mother or what could also be called the Matriarch.
There’s quite an arch of healing for this part of you. As you get to know and feel her more, you feel her tendencies and life strategies; her ways of dealing with other parts, with life circumstances, and with outer relationships too.
At first, this part appears an awful lot like your birth mother or another female caregiver/authority figure, or a mix of many feminine influences in your life. In my case, she was a mix between my mother, my older sister, and even my sister-in-law sometimes. This can definitely make feeling this part very challenging at first, especially if your relationship with your mom/these feminine influences in this lifetime has been particularly difficult or abusive, even subtly so at times. It can feel like another level of being invaded by her/their energies and feeling how deep the imprint has gone into you, even with parts of you (usually the inner teenager) trying to rebel against being like ‘her’.
She can have the energy of being quite punishing or pushy, protective, dominating, and critical. She can also, on the other hand, have an energy of passivity, of overly people-pleasing and even martyrdom. This all becomes a complicated mix at times too, coupled with resentful giving, caring and also not caring about self and others, competition, etc. This part can truly represent your trailing edge as a feminine.
Yet, this part of you has also had a reason to be this way, as have all parts of you. She learned these behaviours, strategies, and ways of relating to life and even love through the influence and invasion of feminine authority figures and what they haven’t felt or healed in their own parts. She also hasn’t been shown another way to be, especially with being more plugged in a times to the Matrix and the mixed messages there about how to BE a ‘real woman’. She can be understandably reactive to these Matrix energies, overwhelmed by trying to hold and lead life as well as take care of other parts of you in the only ways she’s been modeled how.
She’s also had to become a more matriarchal/masculinized feminine energy because of all you’ve had to respond to in your life as a woman, including being a single mom or in general having an absence of a steady and trustworthy masculine on the outside. So often this part of you is also compensating somehow for a gap there, especially if you haven’t had a loving birth father experience or a soulmate who is truly willing and able to show up for himself and in the bond. Even as I write this, I feel the feminine ache we all share around this, no matter what degree we’ve healed or felt it at this time. It’s truly a pain that lives in many parts of us, yet this part in particular usually needs quite a bit of digestion around it.
This is where you come in. As you feel her and begin to exchange love with her in deeper and deeper ways, she has the opportunity to lean into your open heart and even your own boundaries you set with her (as she so often hasn’t had boundaries set with her before). You invite her to feel her deeper pain with you over time and step by step, moment by moment, she begins to heal and open up to her own transformation – a true becoming of who she actually IS, well beyond the pains and unfelt trauma of your own mother.
As this part of you transmutes, she begins to soften and become more feminine. Her judgements heal to discernment, her passivity heals to passion. She still may have a ferocity at times, yet it’s led differently and isn’t so much about attacking of defending or even dominating. She wants collaboration and resonance more so than to be willing to just stew in dissonance, never really resolving her suffering or pain inside or outside of you. She begins to heal into a whole new expression of what it means to be a ‘mother’ and may even begin to feel herself as another expression of Divine Mother.
The whole arch of this part of you also often requires you to take space from your own birth mother, as it’s the only way she can really be felt by you and begin to differentiate. This is also how you as a woman can begin to truly feel who you are beyond your mother’s influence… a very sacred part of your own becoming, your own embodiment of Divine Mother.
Join Jelelle and all of us for a women’s call all about the Inner Mother/Matriarch process. More info here: soulfullheart.org/divineselfseries
Also, 1:1 sessions are available with me for women and I also offer free intro calls. More info here: soulfullheart.org/sessions
Love,
Kasha
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Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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