Shaped By The Masculine : A Poem

by Kasha Rokshana

When the feminine is shaped

Not suppressed

By the masculine

Inside and outside of her…

Something magical happens.

Defences are looked at,


And the need for them 


Truths are brought

Allowed space

And able to be 


…on BOTH sides.

When the masculine

Inside and out

Is shaping


You will quake 

As you awaken.

Your mind won’t know 

Where to file it

But your heart will know

What’s moved because of it.

No longer only ripening,

Your fruit

Is ready to be enjoyed,

Your flower blossoms 

Are ready to be seen,

Your fragrance is ready 

To be taken in


This is the power of the attention

Of the healing masculine,

Who even in his own imperfections

Is not shy to hold a mirror for your own,

Even if in the goodness of his heart

He shakes

As he makes his own truth relevant

While the tides of society, culture,

And even spirituality,

Have somehow turned against him…

Telling him what goodness is 

And looks like,

What he should or should not do

‘To’ the feminine,

And what he should or should not

Suppress or control

In himself

And even in his relationships.

Dear feminine,

The masculine is needed.

YOUR masculine is needed.

Even in his journey of returning to

And reclaiming

His King of Heart and Soul

Which never went away

But was locked up in shadow

And hidden away

For fear of his own power

And what it has caused before.

As the feminine,

He is in need of you too

For the same shaping

And not suppressing,

For the same answer

To the same aches

To be seen, loved, and forgiven.


Kasha (and all her feminine aspects) ♥️

*Artwork by Matteo Arfanotti


Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Healing Of The ‘Matrix Masculine’

This past Equinox gathering of hearts and souls pushed up a lot for me that has roots deep in my soul. I also felt how it was connected to the collective as well. When that happens it can be a lot to sort and move through. Yet, this is why I am here. This is why my soul has guided me to be a part of an intimate community so that I can feel and heal what needs feeling and healing on a personal level, which in turn makes waves in the quantum world. 

After the completion of my sacred union relationship with Kasha, I found myself in a ‘doing’ mode that seemed to put a wall around my deeper grief. I have had tender moments of loss and remorse, but it was made clear that a part of me had a strategy to ‘avoid the void’ of the deeper grief that lives inside. There is a great separation wound that exists inside that I have skirted the edges of, thinking I have met it fully, when in fact I have been swimming in the shallow end of the pool to some degree. 

This is not a prescription for me to dive into the deep end willy-nilly, but rather to be aware of the territory and let it arise in its due course. My soul will know when I am ready. Alongside the Sacred Grief, there was also another layer of inadequacy and unworth that came into my field with the acknowledged strategy of avoidance. This is tricky as I felt it in an inner masculine aspect of myself that I have worked with for a long time. He represents so much of my own personal masculine as well as a connection to what I have felt as the ‘Matrix Masculine’. 

This aspect was born/constructed from the womb of the False Mother/Father matrix we are all a part of to some degree or another. He has been wrapped up in it like a fly caught in a spider’s web. At times, he is motivated to fight against it, find freedom from it, or learn to master it. Either way there is still a relationship to it that is at odds. The history of being stuck in this loop has created a deep seed of suffering, grief, shame, and feeling lost. He has been separated from his own feminine counterpart on the inside which exacerbates the condition. 

I was shown this disconnect from my own inner feminine part as well as from my own Divine Essence or Self. It was an illumination of the wounding within the Holy Trinity of Self-to-Self, Self-to-Other, and Self-to-Divine. This masculine part of me, named Marcus, is at the hub of this. He represents so much of my power, truth, and vision. He also represents the pain, the pressure, and the punishment. 

Beside the disconnect from my inner feminine there is also one with my inner child and him. He has forgotten the art of play and the presence of innocent joy that it brings. The reconnection of all three feels like another Holy Trinity of masculine, feminine, and innocence. When we as men can have contact with all three in a sacred dance and flow, we have found ourselves on a new strata of personal experience of the world we live in. 

This compartmentalization happened for protective reasons as well as wounded ones. It is now bringing these aspects of me back into the same room and starting the healing and reunion process. I also feel a need for my beloved wounded masculine to be seen and felt as the Divine Son that he is rather than the Lost Son. That is an ongoing process that will take time as reintegration and ascension does. 

On the integrated side of the journey, it opens up more of my divine masculine heart to be in love with myself and those close to me. It opens up my trust and leadership as well as my creativity and play. It offers me a new timeline of what it means to be a human man merging again with Spirit and Source. With the Shadow and the Light. 

Thanks for taking this all in as I hope it gives a doorway into this process for others that feel a resonance with what I continue to work with inside of myself as a man in a very intimate community and healing process.


Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Challenges Of Sacred Intimacy

Last night I helped a beautiful heart and soul sort out some deep reactions to a soulmate of theirs. When you are on the outside of it and not taking ‘sides’, you can really get to the root of an issue pretty quickly with compassion, curiosity, and a little bit of loving challenge.

But when you are the one in it, well, that is a different story. It is hard to see all the ‘blind spots’ or what we would call a ‘fusion’. I know these all too well in my years in and out of sacred romance. We get caught in our woundedness and things take on a whole new meaning to the part(s) of us fused to that wounding.

We see, feel, and hear things differently. We don’t feel ourselves and we don’t see the Other as themselves. It is a fusion/projection soup that distorts our reality and keeps us from the deeper vulnerability of what lies underneath. I have been at the mercy of this situation many times.

It is so hard to turn the corner on it by yourself. Not impossible but very challenging. Many times we need that outside reflection, query, and loving challenge to see what is happening in a larger context. It does need to be held by one that you trust to be heartfully honest as well as insightful. Now, we may not be ‘right’ all the time, but the deeper trust is that if something is off, there is enough integrity to own it and be responsible to it.

It is one thing to do it as a third-party, but quite another to do it in real time relationship. This is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to our deeper growth and healing. I still have a lot to learn and meet within myself when it comes to sacred intimacy. I am humbled and amazed by those that are in the thick of it, or covet it as their spiritual and healing path.

Between my own experiences and those I have been honored with providing space for, I get to see and feel where I too have been hiding my own vulnerability as well as my truth. We may be so good at reading out that the vulnerability takes a back seat. It is no small task to turn that one around where the tender heart leads and the intuitions follow. That is where we meet our humanity and our sanity.

I learned a lot from this exchange and my personal experience. I learned that women are amazing and brave at working through their emotions and finding their way to the heart. It is hard-wired in them somehow. For us men, it is more like a software program that we are still trying to suss out the deeper code and integrate it into our internal ‘Mother’ board. I believe we are doing the best we can with what we have even if it seems we are not trying at all.

I have also learned that we are just scratching the surface of what it means to be authentically and relationally human. I am getting how spirituality is our container and context, while our relational humanity is our teacher and playground. We are but kindergartners on this path we call ‘ascension’. This somehow makes me feel a humbled compassion for all that we have been through and all we have yet to learn and arise into.


Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Masculine And Feminine Needs & Wants In Sacred Union

By Jelelle Awen

The masculine wants to be needed.

The feminine needs to be wanted.

This is a sacred journey of polarities that sometimes is a crash and sometimes is a dance. Sometimes is a bliss and sometimes is a mess.

Neither is wrong in this core, underlying desire nor in the wounding that results in the human experience of it not getting met consistently.

As the masculine encounters being criticized, being judged, being tugged on, being controlled, being put demands by the ‘feminine’ (which is really more of a wounded masculine energy inside a feminine), then he retracts or he fights. He ghosts or he defends himself.

He is swimming in inadequacy if he doesn’t feel that he is meeting her needs….or especially if he feels like he has failed her in some way. He becomes often unable to speak this, to share these feelings with her….as if in speaking it, he is offering the most terrible confession.

As the feminine experiences being rejected, being unclaimed, a push-pull of desire for her by the masculine, she then attacks and blames with her inner masculine coming out to fight….or she crumples into core unworthiness and feeling so hurt that she is fused to the young child, the inner teenager within her. She is drowning in this hurt yet often can’t bring this vulnerably and in a way that can be felt by him.

This dynamic is not just from this life, yet produced from the original source wound of our separation from the Divine. And, downstream from that, separation from the counterpart pairbond that exists in our soul family monad of our other half holding the opposite polarity of masculine or feminine.

Variations of reactivity from when this core wounding gets triggered by each other play out in SO many ways. Yet, at the heart of it is a feminine who has felt rejected by her masculine and is still reeling from it. And at the heart of the masculine who has both been birthed by the feminine and yet also feels how with this capacity he doubts if she could ever really need him in any way.

As we feel this dynamic within us….from an Inner Masculine with our Inner Feminine, we are healing this polarity from within FIRST and primarily. We experience huge heart chakra expansion as these parts of us come into union. She forgives him for what feels like rejection even as she starts really getting how his protection of her has been his form of claiming. How he has always wanted her, just has felt inadequate to her.

And he forgives her as he feels that she has always needed him, yet doesn’t want to be suppressed by him or protected so much that she can’t be free, experience life, dare to get hurt, dare to risk and dare to dream. She DOES need him and he is worthy to show up for this.

And the Divine Father and Mother aspects show up to support each in the experience of receiving infinite love, infinite worthiness, infinite claiming by the Divine. The empty cups that lead to lashing out, defending and protecting become filled by this Divine love. And the feminine becomes more of a reflection and an embodiment of this Divine Mother energy in her unique expression. And the masculine becomes a reflection and embodiment of Divine Father energy.

As this sacred union happens within, so you can experience this on the outside with a mate who holds the other side of this polarity for you. You can be with the parts of you, both masculine and feminine, who get triggered by the deepening intimacy, the deepening mirror, the deepening challenge that if offered by TRUE sacred union when all grounds of relational transaction are coming together.

This download came in a little while ago, especially during our sacred union group calls in June (recordings available at…realizations stemming from my relationship with Raphael as well and the phases of brief separation that opened out into more union and deeper understanding of each other.

Feels like this also speaks to a collective unveiling that is happening in the masculine/feminine dynamic in relationships and within…getting to the core of the separation wound created from the experience of polarity between us in which also so much desire for reunion also exists. Compassion for each other can arise in this space and also forgiveness for self and other.

Inner first, then outer approach allows the horizontal ground between the partners to be more clear and have more space. In this space, resonance can move, desire can move, attraction can move, and most importantly, love can move.


Jelelle Awen

Here is an inner sacred union meditation to connect more deeply to your inner masculine and feminine:

More info about free intros/sessions, private online community, group call events, my books at

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Love Stories Don’t End, They Start New Chapters

This was a hard post to write. It is always vulnerable to share about intimate pieces of our lives, yet in service, in transparency, and in honoring it is needed. This past month there has been a deep rumble in my union with Kasha. She and I have been in this process, community, and sacred journey for nearly 10 years together. We have been romantic for about half of those years, in and out. We even got married three and a half years ago to initiate our bond even deeper, even as that completed shortly thereafter.

There has been something deeply core between us and within each of us that has been challenging to reconcile. Each time we have gone in together, we have found new layers of intimacy together, yet also a pattern that has been undeniable between us. In our recent group session, we had to come to the honest truth that we are just not the pair-bond we thought we were.

Yes, we have so much goodness between us. Enough to power a typical relationship to the end of our lives possibly. Yet that is not why we are here. I am still coming to terms with what a sacred union even is. How scary and yet powerful it can be! There is something in me that has been polarized to letting all of that in. This inner split in me has come to my awareness recently and needs a lot of my attention and love. It has colored a lot of the way I have related to Life and Romance. I lost my Lover somewhere along the way.

I am curious how much of my soul history has been involved in these kinds of sacred bonds. I have a seed for union inside of me yet I don’t know how much it has been expressed in my lifetimes. Regardless of that possibility, I am in deep need of resolving something core inside of me that has been difficult to access in our bond together. I don’t want to be an anchor to where Kasha is needing and wanting to go in her soul around sacred romance and union.

There is a lot still to mourn and grieve around this for me. A lot to see and feel inside of myself that comes with me going forward. I said these words before and yet they still hold true today and will 10 years from now. There is always a peeling of the onion and each time we do, the tears fall. The heart gets heavy and the work begins again. Yet, for both of us, we ultimately want what is the highest calling for each of us, even if that might not be in sacred romance together. A tough pill to swallow when there is so much goodness.

A love story doesn’t always just end. It sometimes just takes on a new direction. We have been here before and we know what needs to be felt and addressed along the way. Because of what Kasha has given me, I get to see myself in a real way not only in a good way. This is the gift of sacred union whether they prolong or complete. They offer us back to ourselves and to the Divine in a new way. We see where we have grown and what still needs healing. I could not have done that without beloved Kasha. She has been a portal and catalyst for so much of my growth as well as my joy. We have had so many incredible moments together and in service.

So the road back to me begins again. The road to another layer of my authentic self and my relationship to the Divine in both Mother and Father frequencies. I have been blessed by these experiences with Kasha and have much to own on my side. Sometimes a spade is a spade, even if it looks like a heart.

Thank you to you all who have been a part of our love story. I know that there will be personal reactions to it. For those that have been around us long enough, know what we have had together and will continue to have in the decade to come. I will write more about my own process soon as I digest more of it in time. For now, thank you for taking this, and our former Usness, into your hearts.


Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

SoulFullHeart Museletter: July 22, 2022

As the next group call for men and women coming up this Sunday, July 24th @ 5pm WEST (Lisbon)/noon EDT/9am PDT is focused on Sacred Union Activation, we thought we’d put together an edition of our Museletter that focuses on the latest writings, videos, and events that have to do with this same topic. We hope you enjoy diving into this along with us as we each share about our ongoing journeys!

Featured this week is a piece by Jelelle Awen, where she shares her own powerful experiences with serving the feminine that aches to be reunited with her Divine Masculine counterpart in human form and how it feels to be in the catalytic and poignant energies of her own Sacred Union with Raphael.

You can find out more information about their upcoming Sacred Union Activation group call here:

You can find our current Museletter here:

If you’d like to subscribe to receive our Museletters and other announcements in your own inbox, you can do so on our website:, or you can scroll to the bottom of this issue and click “subscribe”. 

Much love from all of us!

~ the SoulFullHeart Community

The Pleasure and Pain of Sacred Union For The Feminine In Union/Separation/Being Single

By Jelelle Awen

Pleasure and pain…..sometimes the two energies mix together at once in a bitter sweet release of previously pent up frequencies. The bliss allows for the flow out and letting go of the mess. It is the water that makes it safe and self loving to release the oil. I felt this experience in love making with Raphael this morning, which part of me feels a little bit shy to share about yet it is also what is real and in my heart space this morning. I still feel mentally altered from it as well, so we will see if words can flow out from this space.

The pleasure was easy, waves of yummy goodness in my body in response to the loving attention and focus from my beloved, my masculine, and so many years of laying out the familiar pathways of known pleasure with each other. All these years and there is the opposite of flatness and numbness in our sexuality ground. Rather we both have the sense that we are being invited in this next phase into an even deeper ground of sacred union/hieros gamos/vesica pisces exploration.

We are being beckoned back into the bridal chamber to merge ALL of our chakras connecting as our bodies create a bridge in the physical while retaining our individual pillars of light expression. We look forward to exploring this bridal chamber ground even more together during our vacation to the Ocean next week.

The pain came mixed in with the orgasms, a shouting of it from my throat without self consciousness and a flood of tears afterwards. It didn’t feel personal to me. I felt the cry of the feminine move powerfully through me……her womb roar for the masculine to meet and match her, her heart cry over feeling so much yearning for him and him being unable to respond and claim her, her laboring cry wanting to birth the potent possibilities of their reunion that lives inside of her.

My womb has been full with service lately, showing up for more intros and 1:1 sessions with women than I have in a while. And, the main energies that want to be seen and the parts that want to be felt are around this aching and yearning feminine for her masculine counterpart and the experience of this push-pull journey. It has been so poignant and humbling and an honor to witness this in the feminine heart/soul/womb lately in sessions and in our sacred union activation group call for women this past Sunday as well. You can purchase the recording at

I feel so blessed to have signed up with my counterpart Raphael to actually ‘get to be together’ this life and to feel such a full claiming from him of our exploration, not just initially yet in every moment that we share between us…even in the necessary separations we have taken. I feel a responsibility from getting to experience this ongoing union with him when so many others are in various stages of separation from their counterpart. ALL of these stages are sacred and part of our growth, yet it is still a painful thing to feel the tender pain and longing of the feminine around this.

As my yoni provided the channel to release these pleasure pain energies, I felt my throat chakra intone a feminine roar and then a flood of light language. It felt like for all of the feminine collective. Raphael answered me in the same language of our souls and we flowed out tones beyond the mind….. activating, recoding our union and others in our field with the possibilities and opportunity for reunion.

I can feel how much is moving through both my womb space and Raphael’s hara (he wrote a call to men’s greatness through exploration of their heart today) as a transmission for those souls ready to receive it. We have a sacred space set up for it this Sunday, July 24th at 5:00pm GMT/noon EDT if you feel called to join us live or take in the recording by donation.

We truly feel, live, and love in sacred union. Even my service with women is not me on my own holding space, yet lands in and is held by Raphael’s masculine heart as well. I can feel the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine guides that want to come through in the call as well, especially Yeshua and his beloved Mary Magdalene (whose feast celebration day is tomorrow.)

Now is a time to receive these sacred union codes during this powerful Sirian gateway portal time. This union is ultimately beyond the masculine/feminine yet connects to our deep desire and need for union with the Divine in order to heal our experience of separation.

Hope you can join us for the bliss mess of it ALL that sacred union offers!


Jelelle Awen

If you’d like to join us for the sacred union activation group call, you can offer a donation of any amount (usual is $15 CAD/$11 USD) to or purchase at our shop at Please include your email and what you are purchasing.

And, if you feel guided to have a free intro with me or Kasha (for women), or to have a tender masculine activation space holder experience for men or women with Raphael or Gabriel, there is more info about our 1:1 sessions for 90 minutes over zoom for $77 USD at

Exploring, Preparing For, & Navigating Sacred Union Group Call On Sunday 7/24 W/Raphael & Jelelle Awen

By Jelelle Awen

I’m feeling lately a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation for my bond with Raphael, especially as so much bliss mess rumbling is going through relationships in the moment for so many souls…either in reunion, separation or coming together more etherically (or ALL three!) We also both feel a deepened sense of our purpose this life in coming together to transmit the possibilities of growth in true sacred union and sharing about our experience in this bond and how we have navigated it.

Hope you can join us this Sunday at 5:00pm GMT/WEST for a sacred union group call activation, transmission, and exploration with us over zoom! The women’s sacred union group call last Sunday was deep, powerful, tender and touching! Recording for that call is available through the same links as below.

Details below about how to join us on Sunday or receive the recording and where we will go during it:

Sacred Union (nourishing and growthful intimacy transaction on ALL grounds of physical, emotional, mental, practical, spiritual) with a partner in monogamous commitment to each other offers a potential frequency of Divine Self experience of both the separation wound and the reunion bliss IN the physical unlike any other.

Your partner mirrors both your leading edge of gifts/Divine essence and your trailing edge of wounds/pains/suffering/shadow. This unique combination offers a ground of healing and transformation that allows for multiple lifetime clearings in one lifetime. Both the goodness bliss of union and the karmic mess of separation are pushed up and illuminated, and offered.

More Sacred Union counterparts/twins/pair bonds are coming together now in this Ascension timeline than ever before, as many of us signed up to be together in this life in the physical for service of the Divine and the Ascension process. The reunion of counterparts is a template for all souls of what is possible from within them and with the Divine.

Actually navigating Sacred Union in a transactable and intimate way over a longer phase of time is where the true challenge comes in for those who choose this path. So much is activated and triggered by the bond, including deep karmic binds from many lifetimes in the Matrix together, that these energies often flood the relationship space and overwhelm both partners. One partner usually runs from how triggering this connection is, while the other one holds the pain and wounding of yet another lifetime of ‘not getting to be together.’

Or the couple may be together more in spirit, yet not in the physical as humans even living long distance, as combining the intense soul activations with physical reality is not quite possible yet. Launching the Sacred Union beyond this blissful honeymoon phase takes you into this ground of embodied heart and soul growth, instead of suffering over the blissful introduction to something that now feels ‘lost forever’.

In a two-hour group call for men and women on Sunday, July 24th at 5:00/17:00pm GMT/12:00pm EDT/9:00am PDT, SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and sacred union mates Raphael and Jelelle Awen will offer a Sacred Union activation for those currently in relationship, those in separation from their mate, and those who are single. We will share our own personal journeys and process of being in Sacred Union, both the bliss and mess of that experience and how we have navigated through it. We will also offer how the SoulFullHeart healing process of conscious access to this-life parts and other lifetime aspects/soul dynamics allows for a deeper transaction ground of intimacy starting from within you so that you can continue to show up for the bond in a relational way and digest all that is triggered by it.

In the guided meditation/transmission portion of the call, we will create a bridge to your Sacred Union relationship to feel it as it is currently transacting and has in the past, either in current translation with your mate, in separation, or from within you. You’ll be able to sense energies of resistance, fear, and pain that may be in the space and any parts of you that hold them. We will also open up a bridge for you to connect your twin/pairbond at the original higher dimensional source with your mate (known or not) which offers an inspiring flood of love. Divine guides will join us to hold a safe, higher vibe space for this exploration and offer inspiring transmissions of Infinite love and light. We will also repeat affirmations as a group that provide a new coding of sacred union experience within you and with your mate.

If you are currently in a Sacred Union relationship, this transmission will support you to deepen into intimacy within you and with your partner. It will also bridge you to a new way to process your experience and get more space from any reactive patterns that are occurring.

If you are currently single or a pairbond in conscious separation (meaning you have met your mate yet aren’t in relationship together right now), this group call will give you a bigger context for which to digest Sacred Union. You will also bring in new codes to help any suffering grounds that have been occurring around it.

You can receive these frequencies live with us (highly recommended) or take in the recording afterwards. If you attend the live group, you’ll have the opportunity to share with us about what you experienced during the meditation and receive feedback/next steps of integration from us (this is totally optional). Plus, you’ll be able to take in and receive sharings from other souls (both women and men) in the call, which is a powerful activation of its own!

This group is open to the public and to anyone over 18. You can attend the group and/or receive the recording for an energy/money exchange of whatever donation you feel to give ($11 USD/$15 CAD is the usual amount people offer us).

You can offer your donation via our shop at or paypal at and we will send you the zoom link to attend and the recording afterwards. If you purchase via paypal, please include your email in the note section so that we can send you the zoom link and the recording afterwards.

You can take in more of Raphael and I sharing about our experience of sacred union during our talk with Todd Medina on his SoulSpeaks 5D show recently:

Hope you can join us for this powerful exploration into sacred union grounds from our lived in ground of it!


Raphael and Jelelle

SoulFullHeart Museletter: July 15, 2022

It’s a sacred time of new beginnings, challenging endings, and fertile reboots too. One aspect of our lives which is experiencing this cycle is our relationships, especially perhaps our romantic ones. Current energies moving through are supporting whatever process we need to be in around this and around our own individual Sacred Union paths if that is something our souls are called to embody and inhabit.

Featured this week is a piece from Kasha Rokshana, who shares about her own journey with Sacred Union and offers what she’s learned about this very humbling soul and heart path so far. She also invites any women who feel they resonate with Sacred Union, to join in on the upcoming women’s group call that will be hosted by herself and Jelelle Awen this coming Sunday, July 17th at 5pm WEST/12pm EDT/9am PDT. You can attend live or receive the recording by donation. 

Raphael and Jelelle Awen will also be offering a Sacred Union-focused group call for men and women this month. This call will be on July 24th at at 5pm WEST/12pm EDT/9am PDT and it will also be by donation to attend live or receive the recording. 

You can find out more information about these activating and powerful group calls here:

On this Museletter you can also find a video invitation from Jelelle and Kasha where they outline a bit of where take you during the women’s call and invite you to join them. 

Gabriel and Kasha have a new episode of the SoulFullHeart Current Podcast this week. There also two very special podcast recordings featuring Raphael and Jelelle on the AJ Roberts Show and also Soulogy with Todd Medina, which were very exciting opportunities for them and for SoulFullHeart!

There are several new articles and audio blogs in this issue, including energy updates and personal process sharings, as always!

You can find our current Museletter here:

If you’d like to subscribe to receive our Museletters and other announcements in your own inbox, you can do so on our website:, or you can scroll to the bottom of this issue and click “subscribe”. 

Much love from all of us!

~ the SoulFullHeart Community

Returning To The King Of Hearts

“Which of you to gain me tell

Will risk uncertain pains of hell?

I will not forgive you

If you will not take the chance

The sailor gave at least a try

The soldier being much too wise

Strategy was his strength

Not disaster”

~excerpt from Terrapin Station by The Grateful Dead

I remember this part of the song as if it was yesterday. It was a moment at a Dead show that had me recognize that a prominent part of me was in defense and safety mode for most of my life. I was feeling this inner urge to let my body go into a euphoric dance but was holding back. I could sense it yet still stayed within a narrow bandwidth of expression. 

When those lines came out of Jerry’s mouth and landed in my ears they went to my heart and then my soul. I had been playing the soldier. I was not the risk-taking sailor in this tale. In that moment I felt a surge of desire move through me to let go and just be me and let my body do its thing. I felt alive and in joy. 

Granted I was under an influence of chemistry, but the moment stuck with me from that time on. The soldier would take the lead over the sailor and at times they would switch. It has been an ongoing challenge for me to be more rooted in my heart, my truth, and surrender. Being in this intimate community and in a deeply intimate and sacred union relationship, this soldier has had to deconstruct and to let my sailor more into the ebb and flow of daily realness and trust. 

I won’t lie. It has been very challenging. I feel that I am being confronted with eons of strategy and protection that have kept my woundedness in a holding pattern until new light shines that it must either be felt and gone deeply into or risk losing so much potential for a love beyond what my soldier could possibly let in. This feels like a perennial masculine challenge and conundrum. The surrender into and the trust of our divine mandate to heal and recode this legacy of pain, fear, and inadequacy. 

I have felt how much has had to be constructed, maintained, and eventually popped in order to feel and see the depths of our woundedness. It is not our weakness, but our strength that resides inside of it. It houses our resilience even if it has been in suffering or in a numbed state. Having deep compassion, care, and curiosity are what help to bring out this defense and woundedness. 

It is in this loving state that the true King of Heart can emerge to guide the inner factions back home into wholeness and realness. Not some perfected image of what it means to be a man or a king, but what lies at the core of our being and our own personal truth and needs. That is where our kingdom truly lies. 

In the meantime, I sit with the soldier, the fallen angel of the Divine, and we feel together in trust and in grace that we are on our way. That we are healing, we are held, and we are more than enough in the eyes and heart of the Divine.


Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.