This morning tears flowed as I connected with my Inner Mother. The part of me that has been imprinted with the energy, fears, and cares of my birth mother as well as an archetypal wounded mother I referred to in a previous post as The Devouring Mother.
As with all archetypes, they are larger-than-life energies that can have our way with us unless they become more personalized and intimate. I sat down this morning to connect with my own Inner Mother named after my birth mother. As a man this can take some time as it is a bit of a dissonance relating to any feminine part, especially if it is your birth mother.
The gift in it though is a deep realization how much She has been a subtle, and not so subtle, influence in our lives. I got to feel where her deepest pains have lain and how those have been a place of my own inner conflict and turmoil. I held the space for her to express her sorrow, her fear, and her longings. It was just as much self-to-self as it was from me to my mom on a higher plane of relationship that we just cannot have consciously right now.
I felt how much she held onto and burdened herself with. How much as a boy and a young man I tried to assuage and bring some goodness to her life by doing well in school, making good choices, and keeping her as worry-free as possible unless the rebel had enough and chose otherwise. Always a push-pull to be individuated and mated to Mother at all times.
In all my time on this path I never fully went into this inner relationship. It was always external. I had processes with my Inner Child, Teenager, Sister, and Father but not in depth with Mother. This feels analogous to the level of bind that we had together. Once I drew a tighter boundary with her on the outside the more of panic mode she got on the inside.
This helped to have her collapse into my heart space once and for all. Once we both realized that she was the last inner family member I felt all my other parts come into the space and it was like a family reunion of this life wounding that could finally embark on integration. Deep tears flowed as this feeling filled my Inner Mother and my thus my body. She was accepted for all she IS, wounded or not.
This is where I realized that our 3D self is a tapestry of this inner family, all wrapped up our birth name. For me that name is Chris. He is the sum of those parts and now so much greater. I feel him ready to walk into the sunset of death and rebirth into the 4th dimension, wherever that leads him. Not an overnight journey but one that gets to be on the move now that my Inner Mother is back Home. In my heart. Where she has always wanted to belong.
Unachored, Re-membered, and ready for the Metasoul.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.