By Raianna Shai
As I watch the sunset tonight I reflect on all the beauty that surrounds me. The beauty that I alchemized for myself. The beauty that is reflected within me.
When we take in beauty like sunsets, we are really taking in ourselves. The beauty of ourselves. You can only let in the love that you have cultivated within. And from there, is where you give to others.
I came onto my yoga mat this evening feeling less than perfect. Less than worthy. I’ve always been very sensitive to how I am perceived and what others think of me. So one small thing can send parts of me spiralling into a suffering loop about not being good enough.
I checked in with this part of me while in puppy posture and asked why I felt this sadness every time something like that came up.
He told me “Because I know that if you feel sad or guilty enough, you’ll do everything in your power to prevent it from happening again. So we don’t have to feel the sadness. So no one can judge you. It’s for your protection.”
I felt to say back, “But why am I not perfect exactly where I am now? Why is this not good enough?”
I felt tears start to come as this part of me started to let in the reality that I was talking about him, too.
I transitioned into a new position so that I could take in the sunset amidst this process, and the tears started to flow.
Look at all of this beauty, I thought. The love in my life, the love in my soul, the love in the sky this very moment.
I know there is shadow within me. Darkness, sadness, anger, fear. But that’s all a part of the beauty.
We would have no sunsets without darkness. The colours would not stand out the way that they do.
And my darkness and shadow is not wrong, the way the night sky is not wrong. It is passion and power. It is the part of my essence that can provide me with discernment, boundaries and confidence. It is one of the strongest parts of me, especially when it can let in my love.
I make mistakes. I have the capacity to hurt. I can feel things I would never wish anyone to feel. But I am still worthy. These dark parts of me are still worthy. You and your parts are still worthy of all the love you can possibly imagine. Of every ounce of love you have to give.
It’s time now to go in, take responsibility for the shadow, feel any remorse that comes up, and then forgive. Forgive so that you can let in the beauty that is YOU.