Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

————————————-

Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

INtimacy over INvisibility

By Raianna Shai

I haven’t written a post in a while as a lot has been shifting and growing in my world. A couple of weeks ago Kalayna and I spent a few days on Salt Spring and just this week we all spent time camping in Goldstream.

One theme that has been popping up a lot for myself as well as my entire community is intimacy in relationships. I have always had this tendency and even desire inside of me to be invisible. I was incredibly shy as a child, I never rose my hand in class, I chose to blend in for any social interaction. I had absolutely no desire to be seen or more vulnerably, to be judged by others.

It’s easy to get into a “mode” in every relationship in your life and it doesn’t take long to establish, even with new people. We find what frequency is most comfortable and what allows us to get along with this other person. What gets hard is when something gets triggered or rubs against something inside of us.

I have found that most people either push away their reactions towards others, judging them as unfair or just not worth it, or they push their reactions on others, without feeling what the impact might be or what’s going on inside of them. Both of these strategies allow us to hide, to put away the deeper and more vulnerable parts of us that go against the already agreed upon frequency that you have established in the relationship.

Parts of me fear that my truth will either end the relationship or deepen it. Both risking being seen for more than my persona. Going against the grain of what is comfortable in relationship is exactly what intimacy is all about.

You tell your truth, as messy as it gets, until one day you are transparent in every moment. Until you have no fear locking you into place and all of your words come from love for yourself and love for other. Until you trust that losing a relationship is okay and deepening a relationship is okay too. Until you are so centred inside of yourself that no level of intimacy can scare you away. Even when fear comes up there is progress and honesty about it all. That is when community can flourish and become something new and never done before.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Honouring Unwanted Feelings

By Raianna Shai

There are moments when I look outside of myself. When I feel frustration or anger at things I can’t control.

I try not to feel bad about it in these moments. I’m only human and can’t always get to a higher frequency right away.

But I do try and take a moment to feel where my frustration with other is a frustration inside of myself.

What do my parts need? Where am I feeling unloved and unworthy? And how can I fill that void inside of myself instead of waiting for that outside source to fill it for me?

Ultimately, we are always going to have reactions that we don’t want to have. It’s all about treating each feeling with respect and honor. Knowing that each one has its place and value.

No feeling is a bad one at its core. They all lead us somewhere new inside of ourselves. A new sense of self love, a new boundary with others, a new form of compassion for whatever may be frustrating you.

We are here, in this world, in this form, to feel it all. As fully as humanly possible.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Sometimes I Cry

By Raianna Shai

 

Sometimes I cry

I cry for the world, for the fear and the hate

I cry for the constant discord and debate

 

I cry for the children who never have homes

I cry for their feet, and the streets that they roam

 

I cry for the women who feel so unworthy

I cry for the men who are told to be burly

 

Sometimes I cry

For the part of me that never feels right

Who can’t see her beauty or bounty of light

 

For the part of me that can’t let you down

Who loves everyone, but herself she lets drown

 

For the part of me that can’t understand

Why he hasn’t been taught how to be a man

 

Sometimes I cry

Water may fall, but then I find out

That soon after tears, Comes wisdom, not doubt

 

The love will come back in body and heart

And then my cup fills, returns to the start

 

The well of my heart shall never dry

For when I feel sad, sometimes I cry

 

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Gratitude for Healing

By Raianna Shai

When I’m in my daily life, a part of me tends to get caught up in what my next process will be, what seeds I should be planting in order to expand the consciousness of others, how I can bridge this work that I do to people, what outside experiences I can have to be able to progress. But the most poignant and present moments that I have are when I can let in just how much I love what I do.

There has been a lot of conditioning around progress that it can be hard to appreciate and let in the present moment. To bask in gratitude for all that you are, all that you have cultivated, and all that you do for others. It can also feel foreign to really take time to appreciate other souls around you outside of holidays and traumatic experiences. To take pleasure in the simple moments, the little things that you don’t realize make your life just that much better.

Let gratitude fill the spaces inside of you that need the most love, let it fill your heart with the beauty of your life and all that you have managed to manifest in such a difficult 3D based place, let it be the catalyst for loving others and healing yourself in order to serve more and more. I wanted to take a moment for my own gratitude. For SoulFullHeart, for myself, for my community, for everyone on Gaia that strives to heal their trauma, and for everyone that isn’t yet ready to heal at all. I just want to say that I love…

I love how deeply inside of my own world I can go. I love being around others who are so dedicated to understand and feeling their own inner worlds. I love expanding outside of myself and bringing in Divine and Galactic energies to enhance my inner experience. I love what this work does for people and how much trauma has already been healed just by this work alone. I love that we’re moving towards creating a community supported by this work. I love being inspired everyday to feel when it’s so easy not to. I love you and I love me.

What are you grateful for?

Love The Dark Into Light

By Raianna Shai

Loving yourself is so much easier said than done. You can have the knowledge that you are a good person and that you deserve the world while a part of you feels the complete opposite.

Sometimes a movie and treats can help. Or a good cry and a big hug. Sometimes you just need to talk or write it out. Sometimes just some sleep will help you gain a new perspective.

But other times it’s not that easy. There are phases and moments that feel like a heavy fog is hanging down on you. Like you’ll never feel the same again or you don’t want to be here anymore.

I don’t have any one-size fits all answers for this but what I can say from experience is the importance of feeling. Without shame or guilt if you can. Let the tears flow, let the unworthiness surface. Cry until your head hurts or scream until you lose your voice. Write until your hand cramps and talk until there’s only you left to listen.

“…tears water the foundation of new growth…”

These parts of you that feel heavy and sad and unlovable have just as much a right to be felt and heard as the parts of you that feel joy and happiness. These are the parts and the processes that allow you to feel love and joy even deeper. These are the very furthest corners of your heart and soul – the ones that need the most love and light.

Then watch as you blossom into something new. Watch as the world around you turns from gray to a kaleidoscope of colours. Watch the little things you notice about people – the little habits they don’t even notice themselves. Feel your heart start to bubble with joy when you see your loved ones smile. Notice those dark corners start to let in the light and realize what you’ve known all along – that they are beautiful and lovable and deserve the world.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Love Within To Love With Other: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Feb 11, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

Happy Valentine’s Day! This week’s Museletter features a piece by SoulFullHeart Facilitant, Raianna Shai. She acknowledges all of the different reactions you and parts of you may have felt to Valentine’s Day and invites you into a deeper self-love space as you feel and hold these different reactions and responses:

“I think most of us have been in almost every stage on Valentine’s Day in our lives. I know I have….but if I’ve noticed anything this year, it’s that it all comes back to YOU! You are the only one responsible for your heart and how it loves. You have been given the gift of feeling all the ways in which parts of you feel unlovable and loving them anyway. Self love is not selfish. It teaches you how to truly love another and it shows others how you want to be loved.”

We have two upcoming events in March, taking place here in beautiful Victoria, BC!

On March 3rd from 1-3pm PST, join us for a meeting to experience a guided meditation and personal sharing afterwards! We will lead you in a powerful, high vibrational guided meditation to connect to your Higher Self. Your Higher Self is the aspect of your soul that vibrates in a higher vibrational frequency and is available for you to experience, get guidance from, and also embody more and more.

Raphael and Jelelle Awen will be facilitating an in-person group session on March 10th from 10:00am to 5:00pm PST in Victoria for $111 CAD minimum donation. The group session offers resonant soul community, individual process digestion space, and high vibration connections.

Many new articles and audio blogs have arrived this week from Jelelle and Raphael Awen, Gabriel Heartman, and Kalayna Colibri. They cover different topics related to Valentine’s Day and how you’re invited to digest it and relate to it, plus some energy updates and many invitations into new ways to feel your parts and your ongoing healing and awakening process. Also, it was Raianna Shai’s birthday this past week! Happy Birthday Raianna!

Raphael, Jelelle, Gabriel, and Kalayna (Kalayna is available to serve women 25 and under) offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $55 USD minimum donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy receiving whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

Support To Be Your Own Healer – SoulFullHeart Bridging Sessions: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Feb 4, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

This week’s featured article is from SoulFullHeart Teacher and Facilitator, Jelelle Awen. She brings in the frequencies that we offer to you in one-on-one Bridging Sessions, painting a picture of what it’s like to feel the support and self-empowerment that awakens within you as a desired result of these sessions:

“During 1:1 90 minute sessions over zoom, we set the stage for you with our experience and lived in relationship to the SoulFullHeart process. We support you to discover how it can help YOU to heal yourself. YOU connect to support systems that have always been there for you, such as Star Family and Divine guides, even if you haven’t always been conscious of them. We offer when it feels like a specific part/aspect is coming forward and then collaborate with you to discover that part and the traumatic scenes it may be stuck in/looping in OR timeline bleed through that is happening.”

Each session is 90min long and is a $55 USD minimum donation to book. More information can be found here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Raphael and Jelelle Awen will be facilitating an in-person group session on March 10th from 10:00am to 5:00pm PST

in Victoria for $111 CAD minimum donation. The group session offers resonant soul community, individual

process digestion space, and high vibration connections. For more info, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

The final three videos in Jelelle’s ‘Deepen’ series are available for you to take in. They include a light language activation, silent meditation, and digestions with all of the SoulFullHeart core community members of the entire series, their experience of it, and their invitations for you to feel and inhabit your next steps, which may include booking at least one 1:1 session with a Facilitator.

Many new articles for you to take in this week, including digestions of different ways in which you could experience your process of being with parts of you and the different themes that could emerge, plus a sweet engagement announcement from Gabriel and Kalayna!

Raphael, Jelelle, Gabriel, and Kalayna (Kalayna is available to serve women 25 and under) offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $55 USD minimum donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy receiving whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

Loving Your Inner Beast

By Raianna Shai

Self judgement and unworthiness are feelings that are hard to reach the root of. It can take years of unraveling just why and how we truly see ourselves and how it plays out in our lives. We can point fingers at all the people who made us feel small. The people who judged us. The people who could never forgive our mistakes. The people who invalidated our feelings.

But what about the part of you that has done all the same things? The part that tells you you’re not good enough. That constantly reminds you of your mistakes. That judges every move you make, every awkward thing you do. What if this part of you wasn’t just judging you, but judging itself? And what if all the hate and anger and insults were just this part’s way of trying to protect you? We are not victims to our circumstances, so anyone or anything that hurts you is a reflection of a part inside that hurts you too.

I’ve been working with this part of me lately, which can be called a Punisher part, to feel how and why my insecurity can get in the way of my own self love and how it affects my relationships. His name is Brutus and he sees himself as a beast – like in Beauty and the Beast. And all of the goodness that lives inside me can be represented by a rose covered in a glass case. He is fiercely loyal and strives to protect this rose by any means necessary. But his version of protection is to judge her until she does everything perfectly – then no one else can judge her.

This part of me is not easy to feel. He is harsh, brutal and very unforgiving. Every person that has ever gotten mad at me, judged me, or insulted me has actually been backed up by him. He takes everything that was said or felt about me and multiplies it by 10. He expects me to do better, he feels ashamed for how I acted or things I said, he punishes me for doing something wrong.

So instead of using the knowledge and intuition he has about my emotions to protect me, he actually just makes me feel worse about it. But one thing I’ve learned is that he just wants love himself. In his vulnerability, he feels so much remorse for how he has made other parts of me feel about themselves and in turn, other people. He feels he doesn’t deserve love or forgiveness.

But the second me and all parts of me truly forgave him, he started to shift massively. He turned into a prince and he could feel all that he has to offer. Intuition, discernment, and a healthy protection and transparency about how I’m really feeling.

So when I am feeling unworthiness or when there is a truth I need to say to someone, I can call on him and his opened out heart to say what I need to say. Instead of letting my hurt build up and explode out, we will work together to be honest and loving to ourselves and others. Because kindness cannot come from an empty vessel. We must cultivate it within ourselves so deeply, that we can’t help but overflow into others.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Eclipse And SOULar Winds Provide Deep Purging & Clearing: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Jan 21, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

This week, Jelelle Awen provides us with an energy update, offering that the recent Lunar Eclipse and incoming SOULar winds have been supporting a necessary purge in our emotional bodies and in our relationships too:

“What I am seeing during sessions is that this eclipse is bringing in purging and clearing on the emotional body level as connected to Metasoul timelines/lifetimes that hold heavier karmic, archetypal energies. Sexual abuse frequencies are being activated from this life (if you bravely signed up to experience and then transmute them) AND also from other lifetimes. Veils of amnesia are being lifted to remember these experiences, even from early childhood, so that they may be healed.”

On February 2 @11am PST, Jelelle will be hosting a virtual group call on Zoom to help you digest and give you space to share if you’ve been following her ‘Deepen’ video series. The last group call she hosted on behalf of this series was powerful and deep and everyone who attended felt touched by the energy shared and cultivated and the boost in their personal frequency that they received from it. It is $11 USD minimum donation to attend and you can find out more information here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

The latest videos in Jelelle’s series feature Jelelle hosting Kalayna Colibri, Gabriel Heartman, and Raphael Awen as they lead you through several beautiful guided meditations and digest different themes. Kalayna and Jelelle visited the realm of the dragons where you can meet your own dragon (or another creature that shows up for you). Gabriel offers a meditation, on his birthday, to feel your own very sacred rebirth process and a celebration of it with your parts and guides. Raphael comes on to guide you through a meditation that takes you into your castle for a ball where your parts and Metasoul aspects can dance together and you may even meet your Sacred Union partner, who you may or may not have met in real life yet. Jelelle takes you into different spaces to feel a variety of parts of you, including the Inner Mother, Inner Punisher, Inner Teenager, and Star Seed. She also offers a way to take in the energies of the recent Lunar Eclipse and a guided meditation to help you integrate these energies.

There are many new writings for you this week from Jelelle, Raphael, Gabriel, Kalayna, Devon Heart Star, and Raianna Shai! Phew!! Many energy updates, ways to digest your awakening experiences, offerings of how to be with every emotion that comes up, and some big celebrations of Gabriel’s birthday and appreciations for and from the man himself.

Raphael, Jelelle, Gabriel, and Kalayna (Kalayna is available to serve women 25 and under) offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $55 USD minimum donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy receiving whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.