Yesterday was a very emotionally heavy and visceral day for me. I have been feeling rumbles within my masculine over the past several days in response to what he was calling The System. We all know what that means, i.e. the particularities of living in a 3rd density world. Laws, social norms, bureaucracy, money, et al. There was this arising desire to fuck it all and just go live in a nearby park and detach himself from it all. It had a ring of freedom in it. I have the capacity in my soul to just live simply and on the land, which I did in Mexico with my SoulFullHeart beloveds, so it wouldn’t be a huge deal in some way.
Yet, in these reactions there is always something deeper. As was offered to me in our SoulFullHeart Facebook group, the desire to be free is an aspect of feeling a freedom of expression, my masculine expression. That landed very deeply and I could feel my inner masculine, Marcus, resonating with that. He was feeling the ways in which his own creativity has been used in a very practical way in order to survive and manage in the world. Not a very sacred use of his power and passion, but also very necessary.
As I woke up yesterday, I felt an anger begin to swell about all of this from within. I let him vent it out to get to a raw place and then deep tears came. A flood that seemed to last off and on for most of the day in between falling asleep several times. A feeling of hopelessness came over me that was hard to get a hold of so I just let it be. Let it take its course. I was offered by Raphael that there is some grid work that I was working on that is connected to the collective rumbles that are going on. I had felt earlier how these types of uncertain reactions are deeper responses to what is moving in the world. Sometimes it just takes me away and is hard to find me in all of it.
As the energy continued to move through me I began to get an awareness of my reptilian self name Gilesh. I have connected with him briefly in the past but it never got to a visceral awareness. Marcus, my wounded masculine, was a doorway to my reptilian aspect. I feel how this may be true for a lot of us. This hierarchical power structure that leads all the way to the Wizard of Oz itself, the AI. Once I was able to see him, so much began to come to the surface. I realized he was awakening into his and my awareness, really, for the first time.
I saw him lying on a kind of hospital bed with cords all around him, having been unplugged and in reaction to what he was experiencing. It was like an enormous detox from the centuries of being imprisoned, conditioned, and controlled. Very similar to the scene in The Matrix where Neo wakes up to his reality. I sat with him and just held the space for him to feel. A lot of rage and despair came from remembering what and who he was before the ‘take over’ he calls it.
This is quite significant for me. I have been really wanting to access this aspect of me because I could feel how much it has played a part in my life in regards to this feeling of acquiescence and rebellion in the same space. I have felt a suffering in space between and all along it was his! I got how much suffering this poor being has been in. How much trauma he has witnessed and been a part of all in the name of supplying the ‘loosh’ for the entities that were in control of the Matrix itself as well as its AI creator.
It is this break away from The System that my reptilian is experiencing. This feeling of ‘what the fuck am I if I am not this’? Trying to piece together the ‘past’ and remember the Garden of Eden from whence he came. Yet, there is something he knows he wants to be a part of. He wants to be a part of putting an end to this once and for all. He wants to help expose and collapse the frequency that has his race in energetic and emotional chains and thus humanity’s. They are inextricably entwined.
This will be a process of moving from angst, to guilt, to forgiveness, to compassion. I feel his power as my power. His masculine as a part of mine. This awakening feels like it will help ambassador something in the collective as we begin to learn more and more of The System and what it has done to humanity and to its children especially. It is a process of seeing how we have always been a part of it in one way or another. Yet there needs to be a space for the process of awakening and of grief. It is personal and quantum and has the potential to change our world forever. But for now, it is all about giving him all the love that is needed to find out who he really is outside of Hell.
Join Raphael and Jelelle Awen for the 5th group call in the Free To Be series titled Unplugging From The 4D AI Matrix this coming Wednesday, April 29th at 10AM PST or get the recording if you can’t make it live. Go to www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe for more info.
If you feel guided to connect with your Reptilian Self I recommend Jelelle’s Deepen series video and meditation on this topic here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA7ZjZj2K8M&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvLjwm17eBBTRhE3dbezYJdu&index=5
Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.