Ascension – Page 225 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Actions And Consequences: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 15, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, non-loving, fear-based, unconscious state.

Jillian: Hello, Mother. I feel a sense of urgency on this rainy day in June.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. Yes…I can feel that in you. Digesting what you’ve been reading and learning recently?

J: I feel like I have so much to ask you about related to the very real threats to the survival of the human species..yet I know you won’t give me reassurances, false hope, or specific timelines.

DM: Ask me what is in your heart to ask, Jillian, and I’ll respond with what I feel you need even if it isn’t what you think you want.

J: Mother….is the human race doomed? Are we looking at near term extinction in the next decade or even the next few years?

DM: I feel your tears and pain as you ask me that question, Jillian. I feel your despair and compassion.

J: As much as I can be frustrated by the actions and choices of unconscious people, I feel pain at the suffering and loss coming to us as a consequence for our short sighted and false self-based actions.

DM: So, you do feel there will be consequences?

J: How can there not be? That’s how the natural world works. Cause and effect. We have lived blindly so long to this basic principal…drugged by access to easy oil, easy food, easy water, easy shelter, easy life. Even as everything being easy has still made most people miserable.

DM: Cause and effect is the rule of nature. Yet as humans have removed themselves from nature by seeking to dominate it, they have delayed the consequences of their actions. Delayed, yet not ceased.

J: One of the consequences of our actions could be the end of our species.

DM: Yes. And up to 200 species are dying every day because of the actions of humans. Other species and the earth are bearing the brunt of the consequences of human action or inaction. Yet, nature seeks balance and it will find it.

J: It is difficult to imagine how that balance won’t mean adjusting the overpopulation of this planet by the reduction of many people. I feel your lack of sentimentality as we talk about this, Mother. I feel how much you love your human children, so why does your heart feel almost cold to me as we talk about this?

DM: This is my dark mother face, Jillian. The energy of doing what must be done even if it is painful in order to put things back in balance. The energy of tornadoes, storms, volcanoes. Even diseases. That which is out of balance must be righted again.

J: And yet I’ve experienced the compassion of your heart, the vastness of it, for several years now.

DM: It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, unconscious state.

J: I just feel like crying, Mother. I feel what you mean and I accept it but it just breaks my heart.

DM: As it breaks mine, Jillian. Sometimes we need to break our hearts open in order to truly let in and be with love.

J: And, I feel like I want guidance somehow around how to be with this heartbreak and what service looks like now for me and for SoulFullHeart. I feel the ash in the air, burning down of the structure that we created the last two years of sessions, space holding, group weekends, charging a fee for sessions…all of it feels like it is irrelevant compared to the very real possibilities of global collapse that we are feeling together.

DM: You created a form to contain the love and service that you had to offer others. The form is burning away, yes, in a necessary way. But the desire to serve love remains, yes?

J: Yes. I just don’t know the form yet.

DM: Form follows desire. Your desire is leading you to explore your world, to adventure to somewhere warmer and simplier in culture. Follow that and I will bring you connections, synchronicity…I will bring you opportunities to serve.

J: They just might not be in the way or structure that I am used to?

DM: Exactly. As you digest the ash in the air reality of your modern world, you are letting go of your attachments…the few that you had that is. This is the gift of ‘getting real’. Not for what it informs your mind, but for what it enlivens in your heart.

J: I so feel that gift even as it has been difficult to let in what we are facing as a species. Yet, my experience has been over the last ten years that ‘getting real’ is always preferable to deluding yourself, even if it hurts a lot at times.

DM: I feel the flame of your heart and soul being stripped of its form, Jillian, and therefore able to shine all the more brightly as a beacon to those ready to see it. I see it able to catalyze and penetrate more deeply what is authentic and vulnerable in others.

J: I think I feel what you mean, Mother. It’s what I want to be.

DM: And so it is what you are becoming. And it is the invitation from me to all my sacred human children….that their raw essence is one of love. Many of them have too much form, too many layers, to strip away this life and maybe will experience this in another life or even in another dimension where planets like Earth also exist.

J: What is the biggest thing that most people need to strip away, Mother?

DM: There are many answers to that question, Jillian. But I prefer first to ask rather than tell. What was the biggest thing you’ve had to strip away?

J: The first thing that comes to mind is to strip away the conditioning I’ve received. Social conditioning, family conditioning, relationship conditioning, western world conditioning, religious conditioning, mainstream psychology and spirituality conditioning, nutritional conditioning..and on and on. I’ve been in a process of deconstructing my mainstream conditioning and then experiencing what arises from my authentic essence instead to replace it. Lately, it’s been about stripping away conditioning related to unsustainable lifestyle choices.

DM: That is a major de-conditioning process, Jillian. It doesn’t feel like many souls signed up for that. But for those who did and feel an ache to experience how it feels when the authentic arises after deconstructing the false, then I would offer that the biggest stripping away would be of the denial and blocks that keep them from healing their own hearts and souls. Whatever conditioning they received that this was not important would need to be let go and a priority made of their own healing. And an urgent priority at that…

J: Yes, and this going inside ourselves eventually leads to a stripping away of social and relationship conditioning, which I feel is a huge block on the expression of our authenticity. For example, today is father’s day and it just about makes me choke to feel the congestion of duty, obligation, inauthenticity, and nonvulnerability that categorize most relationships that people have with their fathers. Yet, we all receive conditioning around this ‘holiday’ and feel a pressure to reach out or spend time with or appreciate our fathers. The same is true on mother’s day, birthdays, christmas, anniversaries. It is difficult to feel love on days such as these. Days that aren’t real anyway but been denoted as such mostly be greeting card companies. I have said no to most of this for years now.

DM: And so stripping away involves saying no to what most people hold as their reality.

J: A reality that is in general making most of them miserable and unhappy. A reality that creates a slave race out of humans because the conditioning we receive and pass on creates inauthentic actions and choices that lead to more emotional wounding. The conditioning creates toxic and dead relationships, especially marriages. I feel like the topic of dead marriages is a good one for another day though.

DM: Yes, that is fine. Jillian…..I just want you to feel that even during this time of great turning and death, it is being held with love. Death is necessary to free up love.

J: Even if there are no humans left to experience it?

DM: Yes. It is the most real thing there is and your world has been built on a false foundation of fear. My desire is for that foundation to crumble and maybe some of my human children will survive that crumbling. I do not know. But, what I do know is that love will survive. Even if it only exists in the future between the molecules of water and the sun or the blades of grass and the insect crawling on them.

J: Ok, deep breath…going to go digest this now and I do feel your love, Mother, and it does hold the heartbreak, even if it doesn’t alleviate it.

DM: Good, Jillian. Good to go feel now.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother, on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher-student.

Moving From Denial To Conscious Choice: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 12, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

Jillian: Hello Mother, I haven’t talked with you in a while, at least here in public.

Divine Mother: No and I’ve missed it, Jillian.

J: Me too. What have you missed?

DM: There is an intimacy and an immediacy to this medium for me that I enjoy very much. This is why I feel that the internet is the great equalizer and connector…until the technology behind it collapses, that is.

J: That’s what was in my heart to talk to you about today, Mother. I have been feeling quite strongly for a few years now how we are currently in a phase of the collapse of the systems that the false self has created: economic, political, social, religious, environmental, etc. These systems were necessary and yet, also, they need to collapse to rebirth a new way that is based on authenticity, love, and the sacred human self.

DM: Well said, Jillian. You feel conceptually and contextually in a beautiful way that can be of service to those who want it. Many souls are waking up to the reality of the collapses that are happening in so many areas, especially those who have already been personally impacted by them. It is easy to get overly immersed in content though….researching WHAT is happening to the cost of not feeling WHY it is happening.

J: I think many people feel why it is happening yet don’t recognize the false self aspect of themselves or that the development of the false self has been a necessary phase of evolution in the human species, as you have offered to us. As a reference, you and I talked about the false self development in this post if people want to read it.

DM: As you and Wayne offered in your talk to others about this topic a few weeks ago, denial is the fuel of the false self to keep the current systems in place.

J: Yes, we feel that denial has a strong currency in the world and that it is used to obscure the ‘facts’ from being presented, to slow practical action from being taken, to numb feelings of unhappiness that would lead to authentic desire expressing. We feel that it comes from the wounded sense of a separate self. A self that feels separate from you, from others, from an authentic core inside needs denial to keep its current world intact. We felt there are four main areas of denial shaping the world that we live in: military/industrial/economic which denies the integrated self; religious structures which deny our sacred humanity and birthright to experience direct connection with the Divine; the New Age love and light picture that denies death as a path to rebirth; and our birth family and social conditioning which deny our true emotional needs and authentic expression.

DM: That is a wonderful delineation of denial, Jillian. And what would you offer is the path to heal denial into awakening consciousness?

J: We offer through SoulFullHeart that connecting with parts of ourselves or subpersonalities in an emotionally conscious way leads to awakening in all areas of our lives. This is an internal process, yet it changes how we see and feel the external world. Also, healing our soul wounds that block connection to Divine source through connecting with our Daemon or soul guardian consciousness allows us to feel our sacred humanity as a reflection of being your children. In SoulFullHeart, we offer a path of de-conditioning from birth family and social conditioning that arises out of connecting with parts of ourselves and feeling what they advocate for in terms of connection or taking space. And, SoulFullHeart offers that it is feeling our pain and embracing our shadow, accepting the natural cycles of death and letting go that allow for rebirth.

DM: When you are in denial of a necessary change or death, you can only be a victim to it when it inevitably happens. If you can feel and then choose, that makes all the difference in how you experience the change.

J: Can you say more?

DM: When you ‘let something happen to you’ you are dis-empowered and all you can do is respond. Sometimes, this is the necessary and surrendered path. However, many people live from this default state at all times. They are in denial of and resistant to the changes that they NEED to make in their lives and so they can only experience changes that happen as traumatic and not digestable because of it. They can eventually accept and adapt to these changes, yet it is very different to make these changes from a conscious place that is feeling all there is to feel before, during, and after.

J: This is what we feel the sacred human self can do as it is differentiated from the false self and other parts. It can make the space for this digestion and choosing process.

DM: Yes, which is what you are currently holding as you digest and choose to move to Mexico in October.

J: I would describe my digestion process around that since we first felt the call to do it a few weeks ago as an up and down, ebb and flow process. There have been moments of real excitement and anticipation then moments of fear and anxiety contraction. The contractions don’t stop the momentum around practical planning for the trip, but I do make space to feel what is going on rather than powering through them. I don’t deny that they are there.

DM: This is an important point. If you make the conscious choice to make a change, then you can hold and respond to it – similar to the way a pregnant woman responds and holds both the positive and difficult changes that are happening in her body as the baby grows inside of her. The pregnant woman knows that something is dying (her previous life before she had children or her body as it was before it was pregnant) and yet also that something will be born out of the dying. This is the process of labor: the contractions that cause pain produce life.

J: I would say the human species is going through more dying than birth labor right now. As Wayne says, it really feels like a hospice phase. Or as part of my Daemon named Dys would say, ‘It is an ash in the air time.’

DM: Ash in the air, yes. And toxins in the water. And poisons in the food. It is a great phase of dying of that which can no longer be sustained.

J: I feel the heaviness of this time we are in, Mother. I feel this deep sense of death and loss that is coming. It is hanging over me at all times even as I feel joy in the moment. It actually brings more poignancy to the moment to feel what is coming, similar to how some dying people feel about their lives after they receive their diagnosis.

DM: Continue to feel the heaviness and the joy both, Jillian. There is sacredness in both. Sacredness to the process of death, labor, and birthing. You are living in a highly sacred time.

J: And a highly scary one.

DM: Yes, it can be scary for parts of you to feel the changes coming. Yet, as you said, feeling this fear and not denying it is the key. Can you imagine how much power and love would be accessible if world leaders could just say, “I am afraid” and feel and share their fears rather than unfeelingly ordering yet another wave of drone strikes or ground troop attacks?

J: Wow, yes, I feel how powerful that would be. The fears that they are trying so hard to deny by taking violent actions would be able to be surfaced and felt which would actually give them access to more authentic power inside of them. I imagine that their choices would be much different. One thing that I feel fear about is that the men who we placed authority on to have their fingers on the buttons that lead to mass destruction make decisions from their unfelt fears, pain, and congestion. These are the people that we declare our leaders in a time such as this?

DM: They are a reflection of the systems that they are going to help collapse. Those with awakened heart and soul consciousness will be called upon to lead and serve when the great birth labor phase arises out of the ashes. Yes, people like you and Wayne.

J: It has been difficult for our message to be received now, before this collapse. It’s like we are invisible in a big way and what we are trying to bring can’t penetrate the layers of denial.

DM: Yes, that is an aspect of what you are experiencing. And you have the next phase of your own journey to undertake that will draw those who are in resonance.

J: That’s what it feels like to me. Mother, I wanted to ask you: What would you guide someone to do who feels the collapses that are happening?

DM: Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

J: Thank you, Mother. I think we’ll complete on that note for today.

DM: Yes, ok, feels as if we have more conversations to have about this in public, yes?

J: Yes, I was feeling that too and I am very open to that. Just as Wayne is open to Yeshua’s guidance and connection during this phase of transition for us and the world.

DM: Good. I look forward to that.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

Vegan Male: A Contradiction Of Perception

Published on January 25, 2014February 1, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

By Christopher Tydeman

“So how was your turkey for Thanksgiving?” asked the cashier with cheery eyes and honest curiosity.

“Oh, I’m a vegan, so no turkey.” I replied, a part of me couldn’t believe I outed that. But it was true and it felt good to say.

“So did you have Tofurky?” She asked. That would have been my same question just six months ago.

“No. I actually had veggie dogs with vegan macaroni salad.” A part of me just wanted to crawl out of the store inconspicuously and put a paper bag on his head.

This ‘voice’ which I recognized as a part of me named Simon said, “So, let me get this straight. You told her you were a vegan AND you didn’t really have a Thanksgiving meal?”

“Because that is the truth. What is wrong with you?” I asked him, inside my head, of course!

“Could you out yourself as any weirder?”

“But it was true. Why is that weird?”

“A manly man could have heard you and then what?”

“He would have heard that I was a vegan who had veggie dogs on Thanksgiving.”

“And?….”

“Where is this going? And are you losing oxygen with that paper bag you have on your head?”

“Christopher, men don’t admit they are vegan, especially on Thanksgiving. It’s a thing. You know…a guy thing.”

“Oh…yes, the guy thing. Right. I forgot. Wait…what’s the guy thing again?”

“You are seriously going to give me a rash. Thanksgiving is a time to let your inner cave man out, man. Make that sound that Tim Allen made on his TV show….ar, ar, ar! Even if you don’t, you just pretend to. On the down low. You know…hush, hush.”

“I see what this is about. I went across social masculine norms. Okay, I feel you. So you want me to lie to be accepted.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“That was actually rhetorical.”

“What?”

“Simon, I am not going to pretend to be something I am not just to fit in with your perception of everyone else’s perception.”

“I’ll give you twenty dollars.”

“Simon, you don’t have money. What is under this concern, Simon?”

“I guess I am afraid you will be laughed at or judged by other men as not being a man because you chose not to eat animals and other animal by-products. Like you are weird or from another planet.”

“What if they are weird and from another planet to be eating animals?”

“Uh…I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Do you know how many vegan males there are in the world?”

“Ten?”

“Simon, You know that isn’t true. More than you or I can possibly know. What if that number grew to ten thousand or ten million?”

“Then I would feel more comfortable.”

“Why?”

“I guess I would feel more a part of a larger crowd. Safety in numbers, I suppose.”

“I feel your need for safety and acceptance, Simon. That is understandable considering years of social and familial conditioning. It’s not healing overnight. But it is important for me to be who I am for reasons that are mine which are emotional, spiritual, and physical.”

“I feel where you are coming from. I have some work to do with this. I actually love the food we have been eating. It is just this perception piece. In a way, it feels cool to be a little different. Like the cashier seems genuinely interested in what a vegan eats.”

“You are intriguing to people, Simon. That is another way to feel into it.”

“Hmmm…okay. I can feel some coolness in this.”

After this internal dialogue had been going on, the cashier and I talked a bit about what I eat. She ended by saying, “Well, I think it would be a process for me. You are a brave man.”

“Did you hear that, Simon?” I asked him as we were headed for the car.

“ar…ar…ar!”

“Oh boy.”

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life off and on since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

The Emotional Reasons Why It’s Hard To Give Up Certain Foods

Published on January 24, 2014January 25, 2014 by Jelelle Awen

To truly be conscious about what we eat is not just about what is going in our mouths, but what is going on in our hearts.

There are many great practical tips and guidelines out there for transitioning from a meat eating or even vegetarian diet to a completely plant-based diet and lifestyle. Lots of wonderful tips for how to give up and find substitutions for your favorite meats and dairy products. I don’t want to just share tips about what vegan foods to eat or great recipes, I want to offer an exploration into an area that I feel is most at root of our food choices but is the one that is least talked about: the emotionally conscious and subconscious reasons that we eat the food that we do.

I introduce this topic in this post about choosing a vegan diet being what I feel is the most emotionally and spiritually conscious choice. I have been working with parts or subpersonalities of myself and with others for over 10 years and I’ve been serving others in various capacities for over 15 years, including a five year career as a certified medical assistant in which I gave dietary advice to cancer patients. Once I began getting to know my own parts, I realized that their relationship to food was deep rooted and often not even conscious to me, until it was. My inner magical child part called Aurora was the one who was leading the cry and desire to not eat animals anymore. As a kid, I was not a big meat eater and I remember sitting for hours at the table with ice cold pieces of fish or steak in front of me because I just couldn’t find a desire to eat them and my parents wouldn’t let me leave the table until I did. This is a common practice for parents to do this and one that I feel is blatant emotional abuse, but that’s for another article perhaps.

When I began to connect with my inner child and through the years developed a relationship with her, it became impossible to ignore that I would be actually harming this part of me to eat and prepare meat. I remember having a very strong visceral and emotional reaction inside of me the first time I heard the sound of pigs screaming when they were being slaughtered (sounds just like humans! says Aurora.) One of the journaling questions that we have people engaging in SoulFullHeart ask a part of themselves is, “What is your favorite food and why?” It is an interesting exploration into your emotional consciousness to feel the answer to this question.

The reason for a favorite food usually has to do with a subconscious emotional need or association of comfort related to family or childhood. We receive a huge template related to food choices from our birth families. We are literally ‘at their mercy’ every day and night for most of our childhoods in terms of what we will be fed and what we eat. Most of us have little choice about what we are going to eat or not eat (cold fish swallowed down by warming milk, feeding food to the dog under the table…sound familiar?), so we learn to associate love and emotional needs with certain foods. It amazes me how many times I have witnessed, especially men, share a process around how they felt their mothers loved them through the foods that she would prepare for them. This may have been the only source of affection and love they received from their mothers, so it leaves a very deep emotional impression. My husband Wayne has felt this very deeply in parts of himself, including his inner child. So, if your mother fed you meat and that equaled love and attention and emotional needs getting met to part of you, wouldn’t it make sense that it would be really difficult for parts of you to give it up? Or milk and cookies after school? Or a big turkey on thanksgiving?

This is where emotionally conscious negotiation with parts of yourself comes in. Through journaling with your parts and sharing this with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, we feel the relationship that parts of you have with certain foods, what you experienced in your childhood around food, and support you to become more emotionally conscious about what you are eating connected to your feelings. We also offer body health and nutrition sessions which aren’t just focused on your physical body but also connected to your emotional process and your parts. We have seen this offer much deeper and permanent results for people because its working at the level of physical consciousness and emotional consciousness.

People commonly talk about ‘comfort eating’ or how they are ‘emotional eaters.’ I am offering that we are all emotional eaters to the degree that it is predominately subconscious to us. This is why diet programs so often don’t work for people. This is why facts and data about animal violence in raising meat, the environmental impact, and the health benefits still don’t get people to change what they are eating to a vegan diet. This is why most of the diseases that people suffer from can be traced back to diet. One of the very few things that we can completely and totally control in our worlds is what we eat or don’t eat. And parts of us like to make big (subconsciouslly motivated) statements with that control. Until we can consciously feel what our relationship truly is to the foods we eat, we are literally in the dark about why we eat what we do and how to change it. Unless another part of us comes in and uses will power or self righteousness or even self image or peer pressure to change our food choices, but none of these motivations is actually a self loving and emotionally healthy reality. To truly be conscious about what we eat is not just about what is going in our mouths, but what is going on in our hearts.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, writer of books and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. She has been serving others in various capacities for over ten years. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Vegucated: A SoulFullHeart Movie Review

Published on January 23, 2014January 23, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

By Christopher Tydeman

If we really want our future generations to live in a clean and sustainable home, we must stop this meat addiction.

I was asked to do a movie review by Jillian, which brought me back to the more serious and heart-centered side to my journey into a vegan lifestyle. I saw a documentary last April titled, Vegucated, and just watched it again on Netflix. I remember watching the movie Forks Over Knives several months earlier but was not as moved to action as I was with this film.

The premise of Vegucated is to educate about the importance of a plant-based diet in regards to health, but it takes it a step further to address the environmental and ethical impacts of animal factory farming. The film’s creator makes this a human story by taking three different previously meat-eating people on a vegan journey for six weeks. They are introduced to vegan foods, travel to witness factory (and family) farming practices, and learn about environmental degradation that is a result of our increased animal farming needs.

At the time I watched this, I was already a vegetarian but still ate fish and eggs. I became vegetarian initially for health reasons, but also was feeling into the spiritual aspects as well. After watching Vegucated, all of this just clunked inside me, big time. My heart was open and I felt the emotional and ethical ramifications in not going all the way. Like the people in the movie, I was transforming. I could not consciously continue half-assed.

Of course, like those in the film, it has been a transition. A part of me still missed meat and eggs. They represent my childhood and past social gatherings. They were a way a part of me felt love from my mom and dad. Memories of barbequing with my father and having breakfast made by my mother. They also represent societal acceptance. If you don’t eat meat you are considered odd, or a communist. These are emotional connections we have to our food. I have “cheated” a few times. It is all part of a transition. We must negotiate with parts of us or else we are just paving over their emotional needs. To be honest, it hasn’t been all that difficult because of that negotiation. I have had a burger once since I became vegetarian and fish and chips a couple of times since choosing to be vegan. I met a need with a negotiation and the desire for those foods is on its way out the door.

Watching Vegucated a second time really allowed me to let in the environmental impact that increased animal farming is having on our planet. This is no small truth. If we really want our future generations to live in a clean and sustainable home, we must stop this meat addiction. That is exactly what it is…an addiction. We do not need animal protein. It was necessary for a part of our evolution, but somehow it got stuck in our collective consciousness that we are carnivores. So the more people that inhabit this planet, the more meat is produced. More meat means more space needed to graze, more water, more methane, and on and on. Along with our dependence on oil, we have a dependence on animal protein. Both will have huge impacts if we don’t turn it around. This is not crazy talk. It is just plain science.

Okay…a part of me clearly needed to vent. Thanks for taking that in. I feel I am preaching to the choir in this blog, but if you know someone who is not sure about this whole vegan consciousness, have them watch Vegucated. If you are vegetarian, you may want to do the same just to feel the parts about dairy, fish, and eggs. It will change you. I promise. If there are other documentaries you know about I would love to hear about them.

Meat The Truth: A SoulFullHeart Movie Review

Published on January 22, 2014November 15, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

By Christopher Tydeman

After my last movie review, I ended with a passionate interest in the environmental impacts of factory farming. I spent some time doing some research and found a documentary titled, Meat the Truth. It curiously asks why Al Gore’s movie, An Inconvenient Truth, neglected to mention that the biggest contributor to greenhouse gasses is due to the full scale farming of animals for food. Feels a bit inconvenient when you are a cattle rancher and have friends in high places. Though, to be fair, I have read he is advocating for less meat in our diets due to the connection of food production and environmental impacts.

The film illustrates this connection with interviews of scientists and current and former ranchers. It also uses a LOT of analogies which are hard to wrap your head around sometimes. What I did come away with are a few important points. It takes a considerable amount more resources to produce one pound of meat in relation to one pound of wheat. The methane production from cattle is off the charts. The amount of land needed to grow feed is increasing, which means less trees. There is no defined management system of the waste produced, which is WAY more than what we humans produce and we have an extensive waste management system. This waste then pollutes our water supply.

This impacts us and our planet. You don’t have to be an agricultural scientist to see that. From a spiritual place, this is disheartening. Not only are we maiming and murdering hundreds of thousands of animals each year, we are aiding in the degradation of our planet. How have we closed our hearts to this? A part of us, or even more than one, has been formed to adapt to the status quo. Not to question, just accept. I am not judging this part of us. It has done so for its own need for survival. I feel for this part. It is hard as hell to go against the norm when you just want to be accepted.

So this part uses “reason” to fight against what is truly reasonable. To fight for an industry of death even though our very nature is an industry of life. It is an awakening to feel the lie that this part has had to agree to just to feel accepted. It is painful, but when this part gets to be felt, it can let go of the postulating. It can feel what is real and true in our soul. It is a new frontier of compassion and sacred activism to stop the barbarism and destruction.

SoulFullHeart feels life as all-connected. What we do to the animals and our planet, we do to ourselves energetically. Each choice we make reverberates in the web of life and the Divine. I choose to love myself and in turn love all life. I don’t eat meat anymore. I feel the spiritual price and it is too great. I transitioned to a vegan lifestyle for physical, emotional, and spiritual health. The main thing I got from this movie is that one small change makes an enormous difference. This leads to other small changes which have even bigger results. We can damn near change the world by just taking small steps to changing what we eat. And a part of me says…that’s pretty fucking cool!

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life off and on since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator and healing arts facilitator at SoulFullHeart retreats.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about starting the process to separate your false self from your authentic self during group, couples, and individual healing retreats on an ecoranch in Mexico.

Feeling Our Contribution To The Causes Of Severe Weather

Published on January 9, 2014January 9, 2014 by Kasha Rosa

By Kathleen Calder

With the major weather crises we have all witnessed happening in North America alone, it isn’t surprising that we are looking at scientific details to figure out what’s going on in our climate. During times of such distress, as we are especially witnessing on the east coast of Canada and the U.S., it also feels necessary that we look at the whole picture when feeling into causes of extreme weather – the political, emotional, and the literal climate, altogether.

In SoulFullHeart, we offer and live into a view of healing yourself that is holistic and we take in all factors that could have led to where a person is at emotionally and physically. We do not isolate emotional or physical symptoms and treat them individually or as separate entities. This offers us deep and effective healing as individuals and as a group. So why not extend this holistic view outwards and use it for looking at and feeling what’s at the root of the intense weather happening in the world?

Let’s look at one example that is close to my heart. Before I moved to Vancouver, Toronto was my home for four years while I went to university there. Part of me left that city with a sour taste in his mouth, feeling tired of the pollution and also of the surprising amount of conservative thinking and politics. Shortly after I moved away, Rob Ford was voted in as mayor. My friends at the time who still lived there were shocked that he managed to get into office, considering he already had a stance that was anti-cyclist and I believe also anti-transit to a certain extent. Expanding bike lanes and creating a safer city for cyclists and also expanding public transit are two major ways in which the city can cut back on pollution. Also, and I know this is looking at physical appearance which may rub some people the wrong way, but if the man can’t take good care of himself, how is he supposed to be trusted to lead a metropolitan city? His drug habits make this apparent, but it’s also clear when you look at him, that this is not a self-loving or respecting man.

I feel that the weather happening in Toronto right now is an outward shake-up, showing up in the climate, that is happening in response to the political climate. Instead, though, of taking a stance of saying that the Divine is “punishing” Toronto, I’d like to offer that Mother (who is most commonly felt as “Mother Earth”), wants Toronto to wake up. The degree of pollution, both literal and energetic needs an upheaval. It’s sad that it had to come to this – that Mother Nature needed to re-balance herself in a way that has unfortunately held many deaths. I say “held” because I feel Mother holds and feels every single one of us in our suffering…suffering we had to reap ourselves so that we can wake up.

It’s easy enough to point fingers and say that any one person or group of people is at fault for this. However, all of us, every single human being, has played some part in the creation of the strong natural imbalance that has led to such severe weather patterns. We have all let our unfelt emotional pain fester to the point of not letting ourselves feel our deep compassion and love for our earth and all its creatures. This has taken shape in the form of supporting factory farming practices by our unconscious consumption of meat, which has led to a staggering amount of pollution both in our skies and in our water. We have also relied heavily on such products as plastic, which has become a huge problem in our oceans, being consumed by wildlife at an alarming rate, and is not biodegradable, so it remains in the environment for eons. Not to mention that plastic is created by oil – another way in which we have literally been raping the planet and the atmosphere. I understand that oil has been a number one commodity for so long that it’s hard to imagine the state of our economy without it, but the affects on the environment are insurmountable at best. Oil spills are costly to our wildlife and our own health as well. The foray into nuclear power has over and over again proven detrimental. We cannot afford the risks these practices pose to our health and our environments health. The earth is sick and She is trying to re-balance Herself, like our own bodies do when we endure fevers and other physical reactions.

Aside from literally harming the environment in these ways, we are also harming the environment and each other energetically every day. Every unfelt, undigested emotional trauma is yet another excuse to harm ourselves and one another. This is what I feel fuels our need to follow religious dogma to the point where we feel God is actually telling us it’s okay to kill, rape and pillage. The inverse of that is following “spiritual/new age” dogma that insists we ignore the state of the world because “it isn’t real” and in order to become truly enlightened we need to disengage from it and from taking responsibility for it. I feel this goes directly against why we signed up to be human in this life, in this time when being deeply engaged in our feeling, physical bodies is so necessary to save our planet. This all goes into Mother’s heart. This is part of what She needs us all to feel into. Taking that step to feel into and recognize our accountability for the state of the planet is a big deal and isn’t easy, but is so deeply necessary.

This is a lot to take in, but it’s important to remember that we are more powerful and therefore much more responsible for our world than many of us think…and are at the same time, much more capable of saving it than any of us have ever felt comfortable believing before.

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.

Feeling And Healing The Beauty Competition Between Women

Published on June 20, 2013October 30, 2014 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Kathleen Calder

I looked around at the full magazine shelf. Almost every magazine targeting women had a beautiful woman on the cover, bearing her midriff, with a headline nearby shouting something or other about learning to look like that. As if that is the way every woman should look with a little hard work, or even some “fast and easy, no-gym-required, flat tummy tips”.

I began glancing across the headlines on each one, feeling a part of me tempted to pick one up and leaf through to the section she was most interested in – the one that promised big results fast. It is swimsuit season after all. Not long before it won’t be anymore, but that’s not important. All that matters is looking good at the beach. All that matters is looking better than the woman next to you. It seems we are constantly being told to compare to each other and assess our personal worth based on what someone else has and we don’t. I’ve had several parts that grasped onto that when I was very young and have only recently started to let go of constant comparison and fervent jealousy, sometimes even hatred, of other women.

I feel that these magazines are aware that they perpetuate this toxic dynamic. They are aware that they aren’t just telling us we need to look better, but that we need to look better than each other in order to prove our worth. It doesn’t feel like something within us, or some part of us, wants to be objectified and held up as “beautiful” by media standards, but it does feel like they may want that simply as a means to an end. An end of feeling ugly and fat. An end of being lonely and mate-less. An end of feeling unworthy in comparison to other women who have somehow managed to attain what we’ve always wanted via having beauty that seems to get you everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Wouldn’t it be nice if that actually existed? All we seem to be getting instead is a “beauty” that we strive so hard to attain that we actually shut out everything that’s good. A part of me has used not having it or being it as an excuse to keep people out…to keep love out. To keep us in stalemate against other women, against a mate, and against myself. To actually stop potential friendships in their tracks because she felt “too fat” and undeserving to let them in, which I have learned is only a symptom of a much deeper problem of an ingrained sense of unworthiness and dis-empowerment.

My sense is that we, as women, are meant to nurture each other emotionally, spiritually, physically, and psychically. Magdalene, one of the faces of the Divine Mother offering a conscious connection through SoulFullHeart, offers that this is true Divine Sisterhood and it is our birthright. If we are fighting and comparing we are not dancing together. We are not uniting our feminine healing powers and working together to heal this world we live in. This world that so needs us to work together. Competition amongst women is a potent diversion from what is really at stake. United in love we are more powerful than we can imagine.

Like most women, I didn’t grow up with a healthy template for how to embody the nurturing Divine Sisterhood that Magdalene offers us. Both consciously and unconsciously, my sister and I were constantly at odds. She was good at sports and I was good at dance. There wasn’t much support or encouragement in either camp for one of us to explore the other’s chosen passion. I am as much at fault as her for not recognizing what we did to each other in this area, and all the other areas in which we would be in contest (including, of course, the area of body image and diet). I also have a sense that my mother and I had some unconscious competition going on as well. She spent time worrying about me, which in essence kept me small. My bigness and my longing to live into it scared a part of her deeply. There was also an intrinsic envy that I was willing to take the risks I did to move forward in my life, sometimes carelessly but mostly because I dared to dream and hold my desires as attainable. Something I have never felt her hold as a possibility for herself.

Competition amongst females is so ingrained in the psyche of women that it’s hard to be acutely conscious of it. It becomes “normal” for us to criticize each other openly or even to simply look each other up and down, scanning for weaknesses or something we have that they don’t and vice versa. I’m exhausted by this dynamic and find myself longing for more women to be conscious of it so we can work through it together. This doesn’t come without great courage and a recognition that there indeed is a problem and something needs to change. My relationship with Jillian and my growing Magdalene-consciousness, has helped me to find my courage and a new template for how we can relate to each other as women. They have helped me become aware of all of the ways in which I was unconsciously attempting to compete with Jillian and together we are finding our way to Divine Sisterhood. She has also given me a new template for how to relate to my body, which has been of huge importance in shifting toxic dynamics between myself and other women.

My parts’ relationship to my body is and always has been at the root of my drive to compete. For some reason, the female body has been seen as problematic and it has been shoved down our throats, literally, by these magazines telling us what to eat and what to do to look “good”. This totally dis-empowers us with regard to our own bodies. Magdalene offers that it is actually innate for women to know what they need to eat and when for what reason. It is not so mental and research-based, though that can help if we don’t take it too seriously. We are women and we are naturally intuitive. It is actually very patriarchal to think there is a textbook-way to take care of our bodies and look our best. It is also very patriarchal to think there is only one way we should look and that we should strive for that no matter what the cost to our souls, bodies and hearts.

I am imagining now how different the world would be if we stopped competing and chose love instead. It’s a powerful picture…and the global healing that could arise from such efforts would be tremendous. We have only to put down the magazines and look inside ourselves.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Emotionally Conscious Yoga Practice

Published on May 7, 2013September 4, 2013 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

kathleenyoga — Kathleen in a yoga posture

By Kathleen Calder

In yoga classes that I’ve attended in various places across North America, the postures and physical focus are used as a tool to triumph over the emotional body and mind – two aspects of each human being that are rather important for personal growth. It feels ironic to me that yoga seems to be passed down each lineage without much consideration of this. In my experience, you seem to be expected to attend class and focus on improving control over your body, mind and emotions, rather than experiencing them in a real way. In many ways, yogic philosophy seems to be, or at least seems held by most people to be, about achieving enlightenment through mastery of those three realms.

I have yet to encounter a lineage of yogic practice that actually embraces emotionality and doesn’t encourage the participant/”yogi” to transcend what they are feeling or thinking.

Stillness is wonderful to achieve, but beating yourself into submission to it and not feeling what is there for you to feel is both extremely unkind to the self and our subpersonalities or parts of us. It is also nearly impossible to achieve in this western culture that we have signed up to live in. In this way, yoga has become a form of medication to the majority of western practitioners.

I have also felt a preaching-quality to some yoga classes, as if you are attending church. While I feel the spirituality of yoga should remain intact, the preaching can be a bit much to take in. Especially when most of it is about learning to shut out my mind and emotions from my practice, while my healing work “off the mat” is about going into these very places and learning to love them for what they are. In SoulFullHeart, we challenge the parts that hold our emotional reactions so that they can grow and heal, but never do we try to shut them up or put them out of their misery. My own experience with trying this method is that it doesn’t solve any problems or complete any unfavourable patterns in my life. I tried to use yoga to numb my emotional reality or at least get space from it.

I didn’t realize until I reached a certain point in my personal SFH process that I was doing more harm than good by not actually feeling my emotional reality and pain. I was powerless to change anything in my life for good. Even the body that I achieved from a combination of yoga and other physical activities didn’t last, despite my best efforts. Ironically, though yoga is supposed to help you to find balance (and I do believe that it can potentially) I actually ended up quite out of balance. My Daemon, Itsan, offers me that he feels if more yoga teachers were empathic and honoured the emotional journey and healing that yoga can actually help you access, then their students would have a real opportunity to become their most balanced selves – a goal that many people have when they engage in their practice.

“In fact,” Itsan says, “though many would disagree because at this point they have not been taught any differently, it is impossible to achieve the sage-like balance that most students seek without learning to feel and honour your parts and their emotional realities. For you to feel ‘at one’ with the Universe, you must be in better touch with your psyche and what it holds, not trying to master it. It cannot rest, just as your parts cannot rest, until it is felt. This is honouring your life – past and present – and is a step that cannot be skipped no matter how hard you try. This is especially true in western culture where people are riddled with wounded parts, mostly because of the harsh ‘doing-ness’ reality that they all must live in. ‘Being-ness’ means being with what is…and that includes whatever it is that you are in that moment.”

In other words, it does not feel realistic to expect yourself to become more naturally serene or meditative while you refuse to heal to that place. It is time for a yoga offering that embraces emotionality.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Accepting Change As The Only Constant

Published on March 18, 2013September 4, 2013 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Wayne Vriend

I’ve been digesting the outrageous news this week: that the government of Cyprus, an island country in the Eastern Mediterranean Sea, is in cahoots with the European Union this week to essentially steal 7% to 10% of people’s savings from their bank accounts. The German leaders actually advocated for taking 40%. I’m sure it’s not the first time, and surely not the last, but things are heating up in our global society. My sense is that this year is a tipping point. The pace of the changes seems so swift on one level, and so slow on another.

Many of us are simply keeping our eyes on the busyness and content of our time and energy demanding lifestyles, and pass off these mildly troubling stories in the news as stuff beyond our control. We say to ourselves, ‘I have plenty to manage here right now, I couldn’t get worked up about this if I tried.’

But, I invite you to ask yourself: What is my relationship to change? How will I be affected by global changes that I can’t control? And, just what do I ‘control’ in relationship to change?

Take a look at the nature of the changes our global society is undergoing. Crisis in capitalism is a big one, with simply too much debt and pretense toppling the money systems, and the ever increasing wealth gap between those living in riches and those living in scarcity. Then there is the related crisis in climate change and global warming. The approaching end of fossil fuels. Poor health where starvation and obesity occur in the same body….just to name a few. Something is unmistakably dying.

Relating to these changes as somehow global, rather than personal, comes from denying our fundamental interconnectedness with everything. People are dying there, not here. There is choking smog in Beijing, not here. That nuclear disaster is on the other side of the planet. That’s like saying, my liver is in pain and having a bad day, but I’m doing fine. If you are alive, you are undergoing and impacted by fundamental change, whether you are conscious of it or not.

The responsible and conscious question is not how can I avoid change, but how can I avoid the pain of being asleep and unprepared emotionally to the changes that are going on around me? How can I learn, grow, and heal and assist others in doing the same, in the midst of these sweeping changes?

You may feel stuck in an immovable lifestyle where it feels like time is a rare commodity. You may feel overworked, under-rested, where your bodies health ‘is what it is,’ and doesn’t feel like any real change is within reach, where friendships ‘are what they are,’ where sex is what it is, and you couldn’t begin to even imagine how they could be meaningfully different. This flat feeling about your life is actually a healthy one, a sign that something is actually working perfectly. You are living in a carefully crafted and chosen way of life, where even your lack of consciousness up until now is an aspect of the necessary plan.

Moving from feeling flat and deeply in survival mode to feeling alive, energized, and experiencing desire, and true pleasure in our lives, is about feeling both how incredibly fast and how incredibly slow the changes actually are. In nature, we see trees standing up for 500 years and lightning that strikes them down in one second. Both are true. Some things about your life will persist until the end of your life, other things will fall away in a surprising moment of swift change.

How you relate to change, rather than seeking to avoid it, is where you have power and soft control. Fearing running out of money to support your current lifestyle and having to face an uncomfortable feeling of low self worth tied to inadequacy can either be an attempt fueling the status quo in your life or it can be a path to letting in healthy change. Whether we are in ‘resistance to change mode’ or ‘letting in change mode’, makes all the difference in the inevitable changes that are coming our way.

In the natural cycles of nature and seasons, If something is dying, that always means that something is being born. Old is always giving way to new. It’s true of your life right now. Your life right now, how it feels to be you, inside of your body, inside of your beliefs and outlook, what you feel about others, about the Divine, about yourself…… is all to do with what you have encountered up until now.

What are you feeling as you read my words? Do they resonate with something inside of you? Do they call out to you to feel deeper? Do they call out to you to connect with me, or to connect with a part of yourself that you haven’t up until now? Are they timely to an answer you have been seeking? This is the change that is under your feet right now, that won’t ever stop. Also, what gives us courage to let in change is to feel what doesn’t change, and to let more of that into your consciousness. Love from the divine, from the universe, and from my dog (who seems to beat me most days on being connected to what is) allows me to find courage to live into and accept change as the only constant in my life.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

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