by Kalayna Colibri
“Come follow me, and you will find your mess” – a biblical quote reframe, as offered to me by Yeshua
There’s a light up ahead, held by someone who has done much work. Someone who beams a beacon of hope and love and possibility. Their energy invites you in and also invites you to follow them. They don’t energize being ‘better’ or ‘holier’ than you, they only seem to energize that they are somehow ‘ahead’ and want to vulnerably lead you into more possibilities, healing and growth for yourself.
Maybe you choose to follow because the warmth of the heart cord between you is incredible and familiar and not like anything you’ve ever felt before in this life. You want to be near this person, relate closely with them, and yet you can’t quite relate to them yet. They feel ‘close’ to you in a sweet sense, yet they almost feel like something that isn’t from this world. How could that be? They certainly seem human enough. You conclude that somehow they ARE human, just living in a different sort of dimension than you’re used to. Wow. THAT’S interesting because the dimension you’ve been living in feels old, stale, essentially loveless to you more and more these days as you continue to awaken to the universe within and outside of you.
As you continue to follow this person up ahead, you feel the infusions of light and love that they offer. You feel too, the realness they hold about their personal reality – how they or parts of them feel or are reacting in given moments. You can feel them holding this reality as sacred, though sometimes the energy feels intense to parts of you that you haven’t fully felt yet. What they offer to themselves and to you seems like ‘love’, but it’s a different love than you’ve experienced, as most of the time those around you refuse to be ‘real’ or current with what they’re feeling or experiencing. Or, on the other hand, they dump energy and emotion on you and in the space they hold with you, feeling like a victim and playing a victim’s role, effectively and skillfully drawing up a case that backs up their claim to perpetual victimhood. You’ve never had this contrast be illuminated for you before and it stirs something inside of you. Parts of you may start to feel victimized to this new frequency of love that is so illuminating, as it shows you too the ways in which you have been and held this same energy of co-dependently being in relationship with others and not deeply maturing emotionally, though you may ‘seem’ mature to most others in your life. You are experiencing how this love is holding up a mirror for you, and wow, there’s actually quite a bit of shadow there to feel!
This being you chose to follow encourages you to keep feeling it all. WHAT?! I have to FEEL it all?! You begin to feel a part of you is getting overwhelmed by the volume of what there is to feel, and you feel a bit surprised by what is still there that you thought you had healed by now. You feel the weight and the mess of it all… the entanglements within your relationships, past and present, the knots living inside of your heart and soul, the shadow pieces and parts of you popping up now to be witnessed, felt, held, healed. It’s a lot. Sometimes it feels like ‘too much’… and your new leader invites you to just ‘hold on tight!’ while the winds whip by and through you, inviting you to step into them despite the swirling chaos inside of you.
This is what it means to be on a path where you find that ‘mess’ within. That ‘mess’ that you learn to love as you trust that it’s leading you somewhere NEW. Amidst the mess, you get to decide whether or not you want to continue walking into it. You get to decide in every single moment, what you want next. And you get to decide whether or not you really trust this process and are ready for it.
In SoulFullHeart, we don’t hold a grandiose or lofty picture of who we are as spiritual and emotional teachers, leaders and facilitators. The work we’ve done and continue to do is challengings and sometimes downright hard to be in, though the payoff is incredible, as the growth and consciousness expansion is exponential. If anything we are here to guide you if you can lean into what we offer and embody.
Choosing to be around us in any way or form offers some sort of challenge to your being, just because of this way of life we embody. Choosing to be with us here in community, well, that pushes up even more… yet your readiness is something you get to gauge in every moment, even as ‘mess’ comes up from within and seems to be playing out outside of you too.
Following any sort of spiritual and/or emotional healing path should push up quite a bit inside of you. Even if you are not drawn to SoulFullHeart, whatever path you may choose will very likely give you a lot to feel and heal. There is no way, in my experience, to avoid or fully transcend what we signed up to heal in this life. Embracing our messes, no matter where we are in our path or what teacher(s) or leader(s) we may choose to follow or learn from, gives us this gift of finding our way to deeper and deeper decisions about the playout of our lives and how and who we most want to be.
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.