Tag: SoulFullHeart Healing Process

What Our Food Cravings Are Inviting Us To Feel

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

Abundance-Food

By Kathleen Calder

Yesterday I came across yet another sign advertising “guilt-free” food options at a local fast-food restaurant. For a moment I felt into the feeling of relief that comes from knowing you’ve just eaten something that was “good for you” instead of what you really wanted to eat. Then, I felt into how cravings can be attributed to our parts and how we can make much better strides to eat in better moderation and portions if we negotiate with them first. That being said, I feel that “guilt-free” eating is actually impossible. Some part of you that was asking for the fries instead of the salad may feel guilty that they even asked for the fries in the first place and will think something is wrong with them since their request was ignored for not being “good enough”.

I’m not saying or even feeling that we should necessarily just give in and have the fries, but I do feel the need to look for another option to satisfy their craving or negotiate with it. You could offer to share fries with your friend or even offer that you will make healthier ones that are just as tasty at home later. Sometimes you do just need to give in though, which could also trigger guilt for the part that asked for the fries when another part comes in to punish it for doing so (it can get quite emotionally violent in there!).

It feels to me that cravings are clues and hold just as much valuable data for getting to know a part as an emotional trigger or reaction from them. For instance a desire for certain foods may come from a desire to feel “loved” and eating that particular food holds that vibration for them somehow, which is definitely something you can work with them to get to the bottom of.

This practice of conscious eating with parts is something I’m working on even as I write this. Both of my young parts know full-well that there is part of a yummy chocolate bar in my desk drawer, just beneath where I am typing this! They know, because I have told them, that we may enjoy a small piece of it after supper as a treat at the end of the day. This makes it a bit easier to ignore the chocolate… for now at least!

The thing that I feel I want to impress on you as an overarching concept here, is that any type of urge or craving, be it for sex, alcohol, shopping or food, need not be quelled with a fear of feeling guilty for indulging, but instead needs to be held, loved and cherished for the clues it holds for getting to know and LOVE yourself on a deeper level. Making a craving or urge “bad” does anything but help us stop doing it. Chances are that even if you do manage to give up a habit, dependency, or “addiction” you will not be able to for long without digging deeply enough to find the reason (and it’s bound to be a very good, very valid one at that) for the “medicine” to have been self -prescribed in the first place.

Also, in SoulFullHeart, we look at the relationship that our parts have to the substance, thing, or person that they’ve been using in a medicative way to numb out or suppress their feelings. In that way, no substance is bad or evil- except maybe toxic or self punishing drugs or food- just that it can be used in an unhealthy way by parts of us.

To our ever-growing love and understanding for ourselves!

Love,

Kathleen

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Experiencing Life.

Discovering ‘Social Softness’

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

socialsoft

By Marge in Kathleen Calder

Kathleen hasn`t yet written directly from any of her parts. I am happy to be the first.

My name is Marge and I am one of Kathleen’s more obvious parts in this phase that she’s in. I am also known as Kathleen’s “mom” part. In other words, I am the part that best represents and embodies the voice of Kathleen’s mom, much to the dismay and yet sometimes comfort of her younger parts. We are working together to heal this dynamic and bring Kathleen more compassion towards her mom despite their necessary separation during this phase of both their lives.

This weekend at group I was “outted”, as we call it in SoulFullHeart, for playing my usual hiding tricks. I hide my true feelings behind Kathleen’s ability to intellectualize any conversation, even if the conversation is about or during her process. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hide for long, but when Jillian called me out of hiding I felt very embarrassed. Weren’t we still getting the answer right even if I wasn’t connected with my feelings at the time? The simple answer is “not exactly”. It has taken a lot for me to let go of the way in which I answer questions or hold conversations in a group setting. Kathleen wasn’t aware of my tactical way of socializing through her until this weekend. She thought it was all normal…key word being “thought”. I “thought” it was it the way humans were meant to socialize. This whole idea of being in your heart and communicating what you are discerning through your emotions and feelings instead of using your head to discern and disseminate has been so foreign to me.

Until this past weekend, I never realized just how conditioned I was. Suddenly I had memories of being embarrassed for the opposite reason…for trying to communicate my feelings, only to have them invalidated by those who “loved” me.

Now I’m being taught that I am allowed to feel again. Yesterday when we were in the company of Wayne, Jillian and Christian, we were felt to be “softer”. Indeed, both Kathleen and I felt an emerging “social softness”, as it were. Ah, it felt so much nicer to choose stillness instead of words! Stillness allowed me to access my feelings and for Kathleen and I to speak directly from them for a change. Discovering the virtue in being this way in a social environment has helped me to feel what I truly feel about relationships that Kathleen has, including her relationship to social media. Together, she and I can move through life with a genuine and useful method of discernment about, well, everything. I no longer wish for us to simply exist and find ways to “get by”. I now desire for us to work together and find ways to LIVE.

With love and gratitude for you allowing me in through this writing,

Marge

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Most Viewed SFH Blog Posts For 2012

Published on by Jelelle Awen
Goat Rock Beach Photo Taken By Chris Tydeman
Goat Rock Beach Photo Taken By Chris Tydeman

Our blog began in October, 2011 with Wayne and Jillian posting a couple of times a month, mostly about economic and environmental shifts. In April 2012, we started offering SoulFullHeart as a way of life and healing process for clients and through writing on this blog and our website. We invited any of our clients to contribute to the SFH blog as a means of creative expression and sharing about their process. In July, Chris posted his first writing, which was about emotionally conscious education and Kathleen offered her first writing on the SFH blog in August (posted below.)

We are excited about the catalytic year coming of what feels like growth and seeding for SoulFullHeart, with a desire to draw more like-hearted and minded souls to join us for individual sessions over the phone and in person and during our monthly group weekends. We’ll be offering introductory talks about the process, both in the lower mainland area, BC, and through a conference call over the phone. Our book about the SoulFullHeart Process, which includes three sections about intimacy with self, others, and the Divine, is in collaborative process between us with an offering date for the Spring 2013.

It feels as if 2013 is inviting us to move into the personal changes that are already happening globally – and need to happen- on so many levels. SoulFullHeart offers a way to move into and through these changes in a way that creates a radically different, magical, and healing sense of experiencing life. If you’ve been reading our writing regularly, maybe you are ready to experience this for yourself in a personal way? If so, contact us soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

We look forward to connecting with those of you who feel a desire to deepen your experience of life through SoulFullHeart’s way of feeling and living it.

Thank you for reading our words and taking them into your heart and soul,

Wayne and Jillian Vriend

Below are the posts on the SFH Blog most viewed for 2012:

What The Legacy Of Amanda Todd Invites Us To Feel About Ourselves

Heart-To-Heart Knowing

Superheroes As Representation Of Our Idolized False Self

Feeling Blessed On A Birthday

A Call For Heart-Based Leadership: Less Game Playing, More Vulnerability

Love Thy Self; Love Thy Shadow

A Changed Heart Can Change The World

Invitation For 2013 And Beyond: The Urgent Need To Awaken Our Emotional Consciousness

Suffering From SPD (Single Personality Disorder)?

What Does Your Real Power And Bigness Look Like?

Crisis Of The Modern Male: Urgency For Kings

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment
Photo Taken by Michael Rowley
Photo Taken by Michael Rowley

By Wayne Vriend

What does manhood look like now, in these modern times?

What is it? How does it express? What does a deep and genuine self worth look like in a male expression?

Men aren’t generally given to asking such questions. It isn’t part of the current male persona. I want to ask the men I encounter: ‘Are you too busy subscribing to others’ ideas of maleness that you don’t have the time, energy, desire, or imagination to find your own?’

It is only our false selves who fear inquiring about whether our masculine expression is real or not. To ask the question is to be open to finding something lacking or missing and false selves have a hard time with that, given as they are to making do and finding a way. Our authentic self however, has no such judgments, or fears of finding something lacking or missing, but rather welcomes it as part of self loving discovery and change. The authentic self accepts how we were in life up until present time as part of our sacred process and journey.

In past times and cultures, one of the treasured male stories was to die in battle. Dying while fighting for a just cause was the ultimate bestowal of honor. A current honor story for men in the western world is career and home ownership. Men have always been afraid of being without a male story to live into and attempt to embody.

We are in a time of the ‘changing of the story,’ where our old stories are losing their appeal and coming apart at the seams, and new stories are forming, but not solidly here yet. Soulfullheart desires to be a conscious part of that coalescing into people’s lives.

Stand in front of a magazine stand and see for yourself. Fitness, photography, news, sailing, sports, technology, travel, architecture, cars, with sex sprinkled throughout, and porn at the back. All of it is an appeal to the ache in men to find male expression, male power, male passion, male-ness, and a stiff cock. It wouldn’t sell if there wasn’t a need.

Every man walking around has a boy part inside seeking his way home, to himself, to truly becoming a man. The ones who can admit that are actually our deepest current leaders of true masculine expression.

We ache for it, but our false selves also deeply fear what happens when just one man actually openly admits he’s looking for it, let alone finds some of it. The world doesn’t remain the same and it freaks out the powers that be in his world. He isn’t so predictable any more. He surely is far less controllable, way less nice, and things may in fact get messy before they get better.

And none of us can do this in a vacuum, without something to press against, without some story to affect, without something at stake. It is why you are here. Your world will change. Relationships will change. You will change.

In the archetypal movie Braveheart, William Wallace fires up his troops at the edge of the battle, with the choice between their lives or their freedom; both of which were at stake; both of which provided a deep sense of meaning to fight for. What is different today is that we have been lulled to sleep awash in freedoms and with no immediate threat to our lives.

Where’s the meaningful fight now?

What have you out of fear given up on? What power have you left laying around for manipulative and insecure men to gather up and use against you? What is it that you really want, standing in front of that magazine rack, attending that church, being in that corporate setting, bellied up to that bar, attending that family gathering? Could you say what you are feeling to those around you, and see where it takes you?

What is being asked for by the universe, by the Divine, in men is to cease from joining and giving allegiance to anything, be it an army, a church, a country, a family – any cult-ure where you are required to give over your power and autonomy to prop up someone else’s picture of manhood. You will only ensure that you will never find your own. For many men, that is the point. They are afraid of finding their own manhood. They are afraid to admit it. They’re afraid of of the journey it will take. They are afraid of themselves, and for good reason. They are truly powerful!

You already are a man. You are just still searching for what that means. Giving your authority away to an outside-of-you group, in exchange for some reflected pittance of your own power is fast becoming a done deal. The more we attempt to energize this gasping for breath story, the faster will be its demise.

For the moment, the new emerging story has more to do with letting go of that which we know isn’t us in order to make room to discover what it is. We will naturally go on to embody these new stories, but for now, we will need to find a grace to be with a feeling of vacancy. This however is not a vacuum at all, but a pregnant alchemy of something new seeking a critical mass in our collective consciousness.

SoulFullHeart Men’s Circle is a group of men called together by me, Wayne Vriend, to be a new exploration of what it means to be male, to be alive, and to be expressing that in the world. If this calls out to you, I invite you to join us. And, if you know men who would resonate with this message, please forward this blog to them.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Moving Out Of Fear And Into Love And Faith

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

art-hand-heart-couple

By Chris Tydeman and Emmerich

Note: This piece was inspired by my Heart Friend, Kathleen and her Daemon. Together they are sharing their SoulFullHeart experience with others in a desire to connect with them in a soulfullheart way. The following is written by my daemon, Emmerich, in honour of them both.

In this moment, as I touch pen to paper, my fellow Daemon is opening himself up to vulnerability. The raw, naked sensation of being your authentic, loving, and truthful self. There is so much fear that comes up in this most uncomfortable state. This fear brings all sorts of manifestations, from self-doubt to physical illness. All of these arise for good reason, as we have only known how to protect and defend up until this point. Somewhere along this process, we realized that playing small is not our God-given birthright nor that of our human charge. Our destiny is to pave the way for an arising, sacred human connection to the source of All That Is…Love.

This is not as simple a task as we would like to believe. It is a challenging, fear-
laden, yet rewarding journey that is always in ebb and flow, push and pull, joy
and humility. Of course it is! We are not detached, transcendental souls. We
are inextricably connected to the human heart. A cauldron of emotions that
were never meant to be tamed and made rational. They are wild and alive with
truth and passion. They cannot be set aside or ignored. The destructive impact
of doing so is seen from substance abuse to murder to war. The degree of this
disconnect is equal to the degree of this manifestation.

As we connect and move with this heart, we experience our own fears and
doubts. These, too, are natural, expected, and part of our own process in concert
with our human brethren. Together we are partners, supporters, and co-creators
of Divine Love. There is no separating us once this bond has been forged. We
are One, yet separate, in our communion with All That Is. When fears arise, one
is there for the other, in Love. This helps us not become the fear, but to feel it,
move with it, and heal it.

As we heal together, our bond is strengthened and we are birthed into a new
energetic field of Divine Love. Our vision widens, our heart grows, and our soul
deepens. We no longer choose to live in fear and hope, but desire to live in Love
and Faith.

​Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

Being In Want

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

beinginwant

By Wayne Vriend

Your very first experience as a human being was a want.

I want, therefore I am.

We have wants together, therefore we are in relationship.

No wants, no deal.

If part of me can minimize or camouflage my wants, then what I call ‘I’ has just shifted to a freshly launched false version of me. An inauthentic stand-in of my real me. My reality begins an epic, but unnoticed shift, from the wonder world of stunning awe, wonder and creative imagination to scarcity, fear, routine, and rules. A staggering fall from grace, that has and continues to spawn and be the foundation of entire religions and cultures.

My false selves’ biggest treasures slowly become the adaptations that help me survive this loss of a lifetime and only serve to further my suffering. My false self can put my life on autopilot and just copy what seems to work for most. Coming from this place, my false self doesn’t need much at all from you, from God or from myself, for that matter.

Wanting, though, is what makes us alive. Minimizing and camouflaging our wants is slow motion suicide. Being in want returns us, slowly but surely, to our authentic selves.

Wanting makes me write this and wanting makes you read this.

Being in real want is so vulnerable. In growing up, we are soon trained to camouflage our wants. Raw, naked, and powerful want was frowned upon. We were taught by others who had long ago grown afraid of their wants and who also demanded our complicity in the great lie, that we could get hurt beyond repair by being too plain about what we wanted. We found make do ways to get our needs met in underground and deceptive ways, no longer protesting good enough, and with huge downsides, that strangely didn’t feel so unbearable.

This cuts us off from the truest thing about ourselves; being in familiar contact with what we wanted.

I wanted meaningful connection with friends; my false self settled for polite conversation and catching up over coffee. I wanted to feel the Divine loving me; my false self settled for the illusion of earning God’s favour. I wanted to be seen and really known by my former mate; my false self settled for caretaking her and not being called out of my disconnect. I wanted to be noticed and seen;  my false self settled for people pleasing. I wanted true family; my false self settled for a place for it to be well liked. I wanted real and passionate mentors; my false self settled for people who let me be associated with them because I reflected well on them. I wanted my self; my false self settled for not wanting.

Asking the question, with as much courage and honesty as we can muster, ‘what is it that I really want?,’ is our great quest. Hence the ‘question.’

Following the answer we receive, no matter how small, will lead us back to our real self – our true, safely buried, and still breathing authentic self.

I want and need and desire to get to know and serve that real you.

I refuse to settle for less any more. How about you?

​Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

Offering An End To Seeking Approval From Family

Published on by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

By Kathleen Calder

One of the hardest things to digest is disconnect from family. It’s not a secret that in North America and some other cultures as well there is a huge emphasis on what essentially boils down to “staying together for the kids”. The term “kids”, in the case of this writing of mine today, refers mostly to the young parts within each of us. I have put myself into some very dishonest places within my family for the sake of keeping everything peaceful and not causing any sort of upset. My feeling about doing this is that it has led me to a sort of “caretaker” role and actually created a lot of co-dependency between myself and other family members. Likewise, I have been the one on the receiving end of the caretaking and as a result I have felt such an intense pull to find approval with family members that aren’t even my birth mom.

The question I’m exploring today is, what is it about our need for “mom’s approval” that keeps us clinging to unhealthy relationships? It’s easy enough to try and take this on a purely psychological trajectory, but I’d like to actually explore this in a SoulFullHeart (heart-based) kind of way.

Since realizing all of the unhealthy aspects of my relationship with my own mother a number of months ago, I have also noticed the unhealthy ways in which I have tried to let others in as surrogate moms, even people the same age as me, at times. It’s funny how the same personality traits appear in just about every woman who tries to mother me in some way…right down to the things they choose to worry about (including me). This has led to me seeking approval from them subconsciously. If I wasn’t in constant contact with my young parts, I wouldn’t be able to put my finger on why  I’m feeling triggered in a given moment or what it is about someone that seems to rub me the wrong way. When unhealthy relationship pieces have been felt out once, they have been realized by your consciousness and that makes it easier to recognize and take note when the same circumstances happen again. Without this mechanism in place, it would be that much harder for me to know how to cope with certain people that I draw into my life.

The danger with choosing to separate from your family, especially your mother, is that your young parts will draw in others to substitute for them in your life if you aren’t in active dialogue and feeling with them. When I first asked my mother for space I didn’t do this actively enough. Sure, I already had a relationship with my young parts that was juicy and beautiful, but I didn’t work diligently enough at the time to keep feeling into their deepening reactions to the “mom” situation. As a result I drew a lot of substitute caretakers who would speak to and treat me as if I was my young parts. They had a hard time seeing me as an autonomous young adult and especially had a hard time taking in that I was 25 years old and not still in my teenage years or even my early 20’s.

Realizing this now, I feel more compassionate and appreciative towards them and their efforts to love me the only way they knew how…which happens to be the same reasons why I have had to ask my mom to not be in relationship with me, at least until she can start to show up for herself and her own young parts so that I no longer feel like I have to. The same goes for the rest of my family. I feel I have more than done my part with regards to uncovering a more adult, heart-centred me that can be in deep, vulnerable, heart-based relationships with other adult, heart-centred selves. Of course I am still working this piece, and, you know what? Asking for sovereignty from my family and even being as forthright as I’m being in this writing is all evidence of that.

I can sense how this could easily cause uproar with moms everywhere. I do not mean any disrespect to the role of “mother”. I am very grateful for where my relationship with my mom has led me, even if it has resulted in fallout. None of this has been easy for me to take in and digest and I want to express that from the bottom of my heart. I simply had to feel my way into leaving the nest completely and I know that despite protestation from a part or parts of you, somewhere within you that need of mine will land. We have all felt it or will feel it eventually in some way, shape or form whether it’s in relationship to your immediate family or even your work family. You have my love, support and respect for whatever you sovereignly decide to do when these feelings come up for you on your own journey.

Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

In The Lonely Room: Challenge, Struggle, Process, Surrender

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

By Chris Tydeman

*This was written after a SoulFullHeart weekend group healing and energy session in Vancouver, BC.  It is a reflection and vulnerable description of my personal experience. 

As I write this, I am sitting in my living room.  I have renamed it The Lonely Room.  This name was brought to me by Jillian as a place where men go to digest, process, and reconnect.  It feels fitting in this moment and all others that have preceded it and have yet to pass.  To a part of you, it may sound depressing.  It certainly does to a part of me.  However, the reality is that this is the only place I can be right now to let in all that has been offered to me.  It has become sacred space.  A space where my parts, my daemon, and my connection to God can be together without distraction.

In my recent visit to Vancouver, I felt like a pinball.  At least, that is how a part of me felt.  But that is how it is sometimes.  We get put into play by our intention and desire.   We hit a rubber wall of resistance.  Other times we go through false walls and move right through.  We land in special places where lights sparkle and bells whistle with excitement, only to pop right out again to find more resistance, doors, and joyful resonance.  The flippers keep us in play to receive more lessons, more opportunity.  But eventually the ball comes to rest.  It rests in a quiet place.  To reflect, process, and download all that was felt.  This is The Lonely Room.

By now, you may be thoroughly confused.  Sorry about that.  Let me offer you my story.  As stated above, I went to Vancouver to join in a SoulFullHeart group session and energy healing.  Afterwards, I would visit with my daughter.  Even before getting there, I felt many emotions coming from multiple parts.  I have an arrest record that has made it a challenge to enter Canada.  Though I have taken the necessary steps to clear this, it has always been a 50/50 chance.  This brings up loads of anxiety and shame.  My young part, Christopher, is acutely afraid of authority.  “The men in black are scary!” he says.  The possibility of being told to turn around would be a blow to my fragile shame part, Shane.  It was difficult not to fuse with these parts.  I did what I could to allow the feeling to come in and reassure them I would not be arrested or turned away.  Easier said than done.

After lots of meditation and prayer I entered Canada and was given an opportunity to clear my record by a sympathetic border agent.  (Either that, or he just didn’t want to me to waste their time anymore.)  New life was infused within me and now it was negotiating transit to make it to my Mecca.  Now that I think of it, it was more of a pilgrimage than a sojourn, has I had previously thought of it.  Parts of me had found their way home.

The next day in group, I worked with a part of me that held my shame and guilt.  I had to admit something that was very painful to reveal.  This part of me, Marcus, is not comfortable with me being explicit, but the revelation was about his lack of self-worth and self-punishment.  In this moment, healing occurred, through Love and Grace.  A “rubber suit” had been placed around me to protect me from letting anything in, while at the same time not letting anything out.  Not a healthy combination.

Through this “feelization”, I was shown that my own daughter had inherited this suit.  This of course brought me more guilt and shame only to be held in love by Jillian and Wayne and was moved to remorse.  Not nearly as energetic and debilitating.  With remorse, there is awareness yet compassion.  To help my own child see this, I had to first remove mine.  This would be done during the energy session and it turned out to be a cocoon instead of a suit.  I was changed as a result.  A different me than the one that walked through the door.

That night I brought my new awareness to my daughter.  I could feel how much pain was residing in her young part over this.  We both reflect each other in our goodness, but also in our disconnectedness.  She was moved by my words and vulnerability in the moment, but could not let it all the way in, for her own reasons.   Reasons that I am all too familiar with.  I know that it will take time.  She has been offered this work as a way to help be more authentic in the world and to let in true love.  I was challenged as to how much of her resistance I was willing to accept.  To be honest, I really don’t know.  For now, all I can do is continue to bring my truth to her and see where it lands.  It has taken me some time to get here, and I am not able to let go yet.  This challenge, however, rattled my cage to the core, and has also led me to my relationship to my family and friends.

While I have created space from my family, I have not brought my process to them.  There are still too many energetics at play to be able to talk frankly about it.  I can write, but that is as far as I can go for now.  Though I know the time will come when I am ready.  This would be to truly love myself and them.  My friends, however, are more immediate.  I do not hold the level of energy I do with my family.  I was challenged again to feel what space I am holding for them while at the same time not being felt in my expression.  This is where struggle comes in.

As I go through this work, I become less and less connected to the “old” me.  That “old” me has built relationships around things that I no longer hold dear.  If this “new” me is as important to me as I say it is, how can I relate to my friends in an “old” way?  The answer is I can’t, but I still can’t say I won’t.  At some point, “I won’t”, will happen just as it did with my family.  I may need to go through one last cycle of expressing my authentic self.  This is where the “rubber meets the road”.  Cliché yet true.  The lack of connection may be loud and clear.  From there, I will have two options: Be old or be new.  A part of me already knows the answer; the other will need to experience it.  This is my process.

At the end of this process will be surrender.  Surrendering to what my daemon, Emmerich, knows to be true.  Surrendering to the faith he has in God.  Surrendering to the fear of letting my old friend, Marcus, go.  He will always be with me, just with a different name and a different role.  This will not happen overnight but rather over time, as the universe sees fit.

Though the road is sometimes bumpy and rough, I could not imagine being on any other one.  I am being real for the first time in my life.  I am taking responsibility for the life that has been gifted to me by the Divine.  By saying yes to this work I am saying yes to me and to love.  It is not forced upon me.  It is offered to me by the Mother and the love of Jillian and Wayne.  I am choosing this path because it is the one that feels the most authentic.  Thank you for reading this.  I always write for me initially, but somewhere I hope that someone may get something that comes out of The Lonely Room.

Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.

Love Thy Self; Love Thy Shadow

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

By Sequoia Heartman

Love.  It’s what we are all here to give and receive.  When we think of love we immediately and instinctively think of something or someone outside our self.  A love of art, music, or country.  Or the love of a family member, a close friend, or intimate partner.  All outside the realm of our own being.  But what of the love we seldom hear about?  The love of our own heart, our own soul, our own self.

We have not been taught that this is where true love actually starts.  And by love of self, I do not refer to confidence or self-esteem.  These arise naturally and organically with authentic self-love.  Confidence and self-esteem feel more like false prop-ups to get us through the days, weeks, or months.  Please do not infer that I do not believe in building self-esteem.  Rather I suggest it is just a step in the direction of real self-worth and acceptance.  I encourage all to not stop there.  True self-love is recognizing our shadow, accepting that it is a part of us, and listening to what it has to say.

The conversation may be difficult and very hard to hear.  However, when you allow it space to speak its truth, you have given it something it never had been given before…love.  We hide our shadow.  We ignore it, medicate it, or sometimes hate it.  It has only wanted to be heard and felt.  It doesn’t exist to destroy.  It is actually there to create.  Create a You that you never knew existed.  It may not feel like it from their initial words to you, but over time you will find that it has loved you more than you ever thought anyone on this planet ever has.  It just hasn’t been able to express itself in a healthy way.  It didn’t have a You there to talk to.

Through my SoulFullHeart process I have been led to this shadow part of myself.  Through my arising authentic, sacred Self or SoulFullHeart Self, I have been able to hold space for it.  Listen to it and not be afraid of it.  It is through this work that I find myself in the midst of not only being aware of my own heart, but taking the time to feel it, listen to it, and love it as I would my own child.  The rewards are far greater than the price I paid to get here.  When you feel it for the first time, like I have, you wonder how you ever got along without it.

Sequoia Heartman is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more. 

Lessons From The Spawning Salmon: Surrendering To The Natural Cycles Of Change, Death And Rebirth

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

By Jillian Vriend

It is the sound that originally draws me during my daily beachfront walk. I am in Powell River, British Columbia, two ferry rides from the Vancouver area. I am drawn by the sound of flapping fins and rustling waters. And, there they are: dozens of large grey and pink fish swimming in a tiny stream flowing into the ocean; straining to move upstream against the current. My brain struggles to catch up with what I am seeing; it just feels so strange to see these near two to three feet long fish from the deepest ocean swimming in eight inches of water, clustered together in tight rows. The young part of me named Aurora finds the scene compelling at first, exclaiming inside my head, “Look, fishes! Huge fishes in the stream!” And she (along with my dog Koda) stand captivated for many moments watching them.

Then a young boy also watching the fish shouts, “That one is dead, mom. They are all gonna die, right?”

I feel Aurora wanting to protest, tell the rude boy to be quiet, and then we take in the whole scene. At the mouth of the stream and the ocean, dozens of seagulls are gathering, as if waiting for a feast to be served. The path the fish had taken across the beach to get where they are currently struggling to get upstream is impossible for them to go back down. Their trip is one way only. They are, indeed, all going to die.

I remember hearing about this phenomenon before, although being newer to Canada, hadn’t witnessed it yet. It was the annual salmon run where the fish return to their place of birth and spawn the next generation of their species before dying themselves. The instinct to return to their birth place is ingrained in them deeply, even going counter to their survival instincts as they can’t possibly make it through such a journey. While Aurora’s heart seems to break at this reality, I find myself moved and touched by the symbolism of the beautiful fishes instinct to sacrifice themselves in order to birth future generations.

This reminds me of the phoenix cycle, which in SoulFullHeart work is what we call the birth/death/mourning/rebirth process that is a natural part of the life cycle and, thus, is natural in our emotional and spiritual healing process as well. This death and rebirth process is the great equalizer and balancer. I have experienced personally that to the degree that we are open, proactive, and surrendered to undergoing in our own lives this process of transformation is the degree we can be in more surrender, less reaction and resistance, and in more flow with the changes that are happening in our world. Also, the more we feel our parts in reaction or in resistance to the process, the more we are able to arise from the ashes embodying our more authentic form. Just as the salmon are trusting that their surrender to the upstream climb will lead to the next life cycle, we offer to clients that when life brings them, or when they initiate the phoenix cycle in their own lives, it is the degree that they can trust this process that leads to deeper acceptance and transformation.

It can be a very painful process. However, we offer that the Divine would rather have us burn off something false and get it over with, then have us suffer in repeated loops of teased growth that doesn’t sustain or really change anything in our lives. In the SoulFullHeart process, you negotiate and navigate these transitions through ongoing dialogue with your parts, especially your more expressed ones such as your Daemon (soul guardian) or Prime Monarch (main personality part), so that it is at a rate that you and your parts can bear. These parts resist change and transformation as they would rather keep life safe, known, and constant for you.

The invitation to surrender to phoenix cycles continues all our lives, as it is the force of the natural world, yet the grace and acceptance at which we respond to it grows as we become more in touch with what is false in our lives, especially related to our relationships and career choices. This can be particularly painful when people in relationship with us, especially family and friends, are in different places and phases from us in terms of growth and transformation. It can be a challenging crucible to vulnerably advocate for what we most deeply want and who we are in these relationships, while at the same time inviting our loved ones to explore this new ground of healthier boundaries with previously suppressed feelings being invited to be expressed. It seems to be rare that this exploration finds alignment, which can lead to much hurt and misunderstanding. This too, though, is an aspect of the Phoenix Cycle. The Divine invites us to trust that, “only what is false can be lost.” Whatever the authentic connection is that we have with others or our authentic expression is in terms of our professional choices, it will sustain and grow through the crucible of the phoenix cycle, which naturally burns off what isn’t serving us any longer.

Wayne and I recently experienced an intense phoenix cycle related to money management and our relationship, which I write about here. We invite these movements into our lives, as we have experienced that change fueled by our authentic desire, responded to vulnerably and with willingness to feel our reactions, always leads to growth, more nourishment, and deeper intimacy with ourselves, each other, and the Divine.

This week as I walk by the salmon, who are actively in the process of dying yet are also, at the same time, birthing their next generation, I feel both sadness and hope. The sadness comes from the loss of their current forms and the hope comes from what is possible in the offspring that arises from their death. This is the same bittersweet feelings I have about the intimate changes I feel happening and am holding with our SoulFullHeart clients and in the global phoenix cycle that we are all connected to and impacted by that is playing out in the looming changes that are coming, whether we invite them into our lives or not.

Visit SoulFullHeart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.