What The Legacy of Amanda Todd Invites Us To Feel About Ourselves

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Kathleen Calder

There have been many articles circulating around Amanda Todd’s suicide – a catastrophic (and very catalytic) incident that recently received lots of media attention.

To summarize, the story of Amanda Todd is about a teenage girl who was bullied by both men and women, to the point where she could no longer bare it all and in one last outcry for help, posted a video of herself. Here’s the link, if you wish to see it for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej7afkypUsc

I just watched it for the first time and to say that my heart broke for her is a tragic understatement. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her hand…not try to give her advice or tell her everything would be ok, but to just hold her and let her cry, or scream, or any outburst she needed in the moment. I would have sat with her for hours. I would have turned off my cell phone and bring every part of myself forward to meet her. To coax her own parts out to be felt. To just be with her.

It makes me wonder if she had anybody at all who could have done that for her. It feels as if no one around her knew how to offer her that. Or even worse…that they were afraid to even try.

On a personal note, Amanda’s situation could have easily happened to myself or any of my friends that I had in my pre-teen and teen years. Even when I was in university it could have happened to me. As women we sometimes become so fused with a part(s) of ourselves when a man showers us with “you’re beautiful”-s that the voice and feeling of our real, authentic, self-loving hearts becomes drowned out. Many a compromising situation could be avoided if we didn’t pounce on any ounce of male approval that comes our way.

I’m still working through this, namely with two of my emerged parts, Maria and Karrie. Maria was once known as my “seductress” part, while Karrie represents aspects of my teenaged self. They both have their own ideas and feelings around romance and attraction – how to attract and what they want to attract. I was never taught how to properly be loved by a man and what to look for. My parents themselves did not have a very loving relationship and I can actually count on one hand the number of times I heard “I love you” from my own father. My older sister never had relationships that could model for me either, but how could she when we were both raised with the same relationship model in place?

I feel this may be the root of Amanda’s own parts having caused so many issues with men and making so many poor decisions. Her real, Sovereign (aka SFH) self got lost in the shuffle while her parts called the shots based on what they themselves had been taught. I feel she may have experienced a similar past life to the one I recalled a week ago today, about having been persecuted as a witch a few centuries ago. It seems she may have unconsciously set herself up for similar persecution in this life…and when no one would do the killing for her, she did it herself…still attached to any guilt she may have had in that previous life around her gifts, feeling as if it really was all her fault that things turned out the way they did.

Amanda Todd’s suicide has caused a tidal wave of emotion and a resurgence of “anti-bullying” messages. Her story pushes beyond bullying and enters well into the realm of the relationship between men and women. The story of the “Burning Times”, as the witch-hunts are called, is one that is still present today, though I would argue that it it’s remnants are felt not so much in a literal sense as they are embedded in the female psyche. The majority, if not all of us, were so barbarically persecuted that it left a branding on our souls forever. We unconsciously fear being hunted again and feel guilt for putting our sexuality and our gifts out into the world, reclaiming what is ours, feeling as if it is our own fault if we are persecuted for doing so and we have brought it all on ourselves.

History, even long-buried, will repeat itself again and again until it has been felt through those parts of ours that it remains with. If only Amanda had been given this gift…but you know what? Despite her tragic and heartbreaking story, she has given woman-kind a huge gift herself. She has highlighted the need to repair our relationship with men once and for all.

A pattern must be brought forward and healed. And I for one am jumping on board with all my heart.

Thank you, Amanda.

May you rest and find healing in the arms of the Divine.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process. Go here for more articles by Kathleen Calder.

Playing Pretend In The Shadow Of Our Truth

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

By Chris Tydeman

(Note: This was written by me through the heart of a young part of mine. He
is going through a difficult stage and he has become aware of the necessity of
having caring and truly compassionate (understanding) people in his life such as
Jillian, Wayne, and Katie of SoulFullHeart.)

Truth. It can be our worst enemy and our best friend all in the same
moment. We run from it fiercely, yet it is always by our side. We try to sever its
connection to us by any means possible, but it reminds us in a multitude of ways
that it is impossible to do so. Wherever you are, there it is.

In the course of my life, I have avoided even the softest of truths. I didn’t
want to seem ignorant. I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I didn’t want to
cause conflict. I have been the master of the “white” lie. Yet for each one told, it
was like the silk thread of a spider’s web. Eventually, you get stuck. Then comes
guilt, shame, or anger, either expressed or repressed.

These lies had a purpose for me. They gave me the cover of being
acceptable, maybe even wonderful. The rewards were greater that the risks, or
so I thought. I was given praise, admiration, and self-gratification. But never the
one thing I was truly looking for. Love.

I don’t mean the “love” we have all come to accept as love. That “love”
comes from doing the “right” things, making the “right” choices, or saying
the “right” words to make everyone feel better about themselves.

The Love I refer to is the one you get for being honest, for being real, and
for advocating for your well-being. That Love has only come in drips or crumbs.
So much so, that when it really does come, you are leery of it or even frightened
by it. It has been a stranger the minute we landed here.

This is the Love that is needed to face the hard truths. The ones buried
deep inside. The ones that we dare not speak of, for they cast a light on our darkest fears, our biggest despair. These truths are the ones that can bring us peace through hardship, awareness through humility, heaven through hell.

Unfortunately, we feel nailed down, caged in, and tied up by the very thing that
can set us free.

This cannot be done alone. We need friends in Heart and in Love to hear
us, hold us, and honor us through this most difficult act of bravery. When you get
down to it, we are all still young children playing pretend in the shadow of our
Truth.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

What does your real power and bigness look like?

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Wayne Vriend

Have you ever felt that a smaller or lesser version of you is living your life? (By smaller or lesser, I don’t mean bad or wrong, but rather lacking in your power and bigness.)

Why can’t you find friends to whom you don’t feel so invisible around?

Why does your family culture seem so impenetrable to your changing values?

Why do you remain in relationships that you know have a high degree of toxicity?

Why have you been unable to find a more fulfilling way to earn money in the world?

If the above questions don’t feel like the ones you ask about your life, then you have either found and healed your way to a really rare healthy life configuration, or it’s a smaller version of you who is doing the assessing.

A smaller version of you, made up of specific parts of you, are what does life until a you arises to alleviate them of the strategized way of doing your life that they have learned to do, in your absence. Up till now.

This smaller version of you is looking for a good enough status quo kind of equilibrium with which to survive, and especially to avoid rejection and pain. This applies if you are outwardly struggling in life or considered successful and well adapted. This smaller version of you is very predisposed to only taking the safest of risks, which are hardly risks at all, and has become expert in living out of preapproved cultural norms. This you won’t allow you to show up in your real and vulnerable feelings for fear that if that you gets rejected, there is no stand in double to take it’s place. Even your expressions that you consider authentic and real are channelled through this managed bureaucracy of you to significantly tone down the risks, and to strategize the ‘realness.’

The smaller version of you is run by what we call the Prime Monarch part of you, (ultimately motivated by love, but compromised by life’s hardening experiences) and it is in charge of the parts of you who had to be suppressed inside of you for your intact functioning. The vulnerable and afraid you; the magical you; the you who still only knows how to truly play; all had to be suppressed as you grew ‘up.’

And given the territory; and given the lack of a present you who could relieve this smaller version of you; this you is to be honored and thanked. It found a way. It showed up.

The difficulty though is this new you arising with these deeper assessment questions that you maybe didn’t even notice on your radar much before are now growing in your awareness. This new you begins with emerging desire, honesty, needs, advocacy, dissatisfaction, and self love to become a presence in your ‘you’ stream.

What would your real power and bigness look like if it manifested in your life and relationships and decisions? You might be able to get whiffs of it, but you don’t really know, do you?

Of course you don’t. You haven’t lived your way there, which is the only way to ever arrive and keep arriving there. There is no one size fits all template of what bigness looks and feels like. There are some very refreshing common earmarks, but the way they show up and express in your life are as diverse as fingerprints and snowflakes.

So the real question then is something like this: ‘How could the life I’m living, the one I find myself in, actually lead me to more and more of my real self, instead of fortifying my false self?’

That question in itself is only one that an emerging real self could ask. The smaller version of you simply can’t entertain such a question. It can embrace self improvement, and fixing problems, but not the task of emotional authentication.

I feel the smaller part of myself right now, as I write this, wondering if it’s OK to be this big, to be this authoritative sounding, to say we have solutions, and also wondering where this will lead, away from my own current familiar. ‘Who’s going to look after me?’ he asks. The small part of ourselves is not bad, or a drag. They feel insecure because their needs and vulnerability is real, and they need a larger us, who is willing to feel them and respond, rather than suppress and power through.

Soulfullheart, as a process (not to be mistaken with a therapy), was created for people who are at this stage of awareness, and desire, and frustration – all necessary ingredients to making the choice to find and discover and heal your way to your real you. The SFH process derives its’ value from people like you who feel called to themselves to undertake it.

If this article resonates inside of you as speaking your truth, I promise you, that your real you is waiting and longing for you to take the next step into your bigness, and begin your Soulfullheart process.

Please contact me, Wayne or my wife Jillian for a free intro into where you could go from here.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Heart-To-Heart Knowing

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

By Katie Calder

I invite you to take a moment and think about this: when was the last time that you managed to sit across from someone and feel into knowing them, to know their heart and how it operates, maybe even how and why it resonates with yours?

We assume we know someone because we grew up with them in our family or they’ve been our friend for years…but how often have we said once emotions are heightened, “wow, I don’t actually know this person at all”. I offer from my own heart-centered feelings that we go through our lives only thinking that we know someone. If we lived in our hearts we would feel the need to feel their hearts on a deeper level that transcends simply knowing facts or stories about those in our lives.

The majority of my family only knows stories about me. The key word is “know”…not “feel”. I imagine that if they allowed themselves to “feel” stories about me instead they would receive a lot more information about who I am than they have up until now. I do not fault them for their error for I’ve done the same to them. There are a lot of wounds that I still feel within my relationship to them that keep parts of me from wanting to reach out and offer this new way of being together and getting to know each other all over again on a much deeper level. A part of me feels that she does want me to waste any energy on them, for they wouldn’t try to do the same for me. There is a lot of assumption that they won’t “get it” and unfortunately I do feel that she is right…at least for now.

When I lost my father in January of 2011, it sent a huge ripple through my family and therefore through my life. It was my first year living in Vancouver and I had to promptly return to Ontario for a couple of weeks to be with my family. Thinking back on it now, the best and worst moments I had, happened when I could sit and cry and curse as loudly as I wished to a loving cousin who seems to “get me” the most. Being allowed to be fully in an emotion, no matter what the cause is a huge gift and one that we do not offer each other often enough…and seldom ever outside of crisis situations like the loss of a friend or family member.  What I realize now that I have been on my own SFH journey, is that one of the greatest gifts we could ever give another human being is to sit and be with them in vulnerability and emotion, no matter how raw the experience. If only I had been doing this “parts” work by then, I would have taken the time to mourn with each of my realized parts and helped them through it while no one else in my family could. Perhaps I still need to do that. In fact, I feel I should. There are many unresolved and unhealed aspects of my relationship with my father and they all shake and quiver in response to that in their own way.

The truth is, not allowing each other to live heart-centred and feeling-based lives robs each of us of a huge gift – truth and authenticity. I feel it is virtually impossible to step into your best, fully-realized self unless your feelings are felt out by those who love you. How can one grow into the magnificent human being they are meant to become if they are constantly emotionally neglected? It is like ignoring a child for most of their child-years and expecting them to still grow into fully-functioning adults with no major social or self-esteem issues. We need to stop telling people who are “depressed” that they need to medicate in order to feel better. We need to stop telling people that reframing their thinking and becoming more “positive” is the answer. Positivity will come and depression will be relieved with love, care and empathy. Unfortunately it seems that in a society that doesn’t believe in processes and allowing things to take time in order to grow and change properly, we will always be looking for a the “quick fixes” like meds and turning your thoughts around, even at the protestation of your parts that need to be held and felt before they can feel better.

The idea of leading with vulnerability is a daunting one and I can tell you from personal experience that it is one of the most difficult things to do. I’m still getting the hang of it and it’s definitely not something we are meant to one day do perfectly, of course. Or could it be that this is one of those many instances where it’s appropriate to say that  doing it imperfectly in fact means that you are doing it perfectly after all? I like that idea.

In love, vulnerability and support for your own SFH journey,

~ Katie

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Life As A Divine Playground

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

So much of our western world and culture is based on a foundation of fitting in, compliance, and coping. Instead of encouragement to express our individuality and take passionate risks to tell our truth and feel our feelings, we are indoctrinated in the school of conformity, suppression, and making nice with others. We are pressed to get an education, find a career, settle down with a spouse, have kids, buy a house, go on vacations, and eventually retire until the day when we leave this earth. This is considered by many people, especially in the western culture, to be a sign of successful inhabitation of being here and so they feel at rest and in joy with their lives, happily settling into a life of busy content and materialistic gain.

Or do they? If this were true, if this “recipe” for happiness were the real food that we need as humans than why do so many, if you dig beneath the surface numbness, have feelings that would contradict this contentment picture? Beneath the surface lurk those “dark” feelings that we don’t like as a society to address and look at. We prefer to medicate them with happy pills, treat them with behavior modification strategies, buy another image-based item to make us feel better, go see another escapist movie to give us the sense that life could be adventurous yet only in our fantasies. Or we have extramarital affairs, use drugs/alcohol/work/religion to numb us to make it through another day, go on vacations to escape from our daily grind reality.

We prefer to get so busy in a linear, achievement-based life that we have no space and time to feel ourselves or anyone else around us. We prefer to bury the desires and aches that are the source of this dissatisfaction. We prefer to relate to our pain and fear on a surface level rather than dig into the depths of ourselves where perhaps terrifyingly dark and messy emotions and memories may dwell. We prefer our violence on the television or to play out in dusty, remote “third world” countries where we can remove ourselves from the action and cheer for our “country” on the sidelines. We prefer to distance ourselves from the tragic and devastating conditions that the majority of our species suffers in.

I’ve been offered and have experienced myself that as sacred human children of the Divine  we are meant to and capable of much more than this flat line existence based on conformity, disconnect, and achievement created by our false self and the many parts that make it up.

The earth is our playground, offering us a denser existence in which to experience ourselves truly embodied in physicality while at the same time connected to our divine essence. Embracing and becoming aware of both our roots and our wings. On this playground, we get to play, experiment, see what works and see what doesn’t. We get to express who we are, each of us being a spark of individuality in expression here while still being connected as One. We get to relish in the joys of being human- making love, eating food, listening to music, falling in love.

On this playground, we’ve been offered the opportunity (if we choose) to explore intimacy with another person who is separate from us, to join with them in sacred union, and to see how undefended and heart open we can become with each other. Parts of us experience hurts and wounds from being separate in this denser reality and also from the reality of our world being set up the way that it is in this current phase of human evolution. Parts of us have these hurts and yet they are a gift too, because the healing of them offers an ongoing adventure into the terrain of ourselves, especially the unknown and undiscovered aspects of ourselves.

This picture of life as a playground, the one that SoulFullHeart offers, is a shift from the mainstream and preferred one of our western culture. And being that, it’s not for everyone as we all are on our own sovereign journeys with our own reasons for being here with our own things to work out. For those of you who do feel a sense of “yes” to the picture of reality that I am offering here, then you also have a sense perhaps that it is not an easy path to follow, and that it is unknown, painful and scary at times.

Yet, we are not meant to do it alone.

Like-minded and -hearted souls will be drawn to join with you on the journey as you are brave enough to ache for what you want, willing to give up the things that may keep you stuck, and risk to be in vulnerable intimacy with yourself (including your parts and their shadow and wounded sides), with others, and with the Divine.

Also, support is always available from the Divine, which aches to experience us relating in a magical and unbound way to the opportunity of life that they have gifted us with. It does not want us to be stuck in boxes, trapped by how we relate to debt or money, slave to time, and in deep pain and frustration that we cannot seem to successfully numb. It does want to help us experience life as It intended us to, learning from us as we learn from It, loving us as we love It, and with It holding us along the way!

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

In My Own Way

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments
Photo Taken By Chris on Goat Rock Beach, CA

By Chris Tydeman

(Note from Chris: As I have been moving through the SFH process, I have been experiencing my parts in relation to other people and daily activities. This piece comes as a part of me is recognizing and letting go of those things that he once held dear and defined himself through.)

I have walked the halls of this life

By feeling the walls and ground along the way

Never truly seeing where I have been going

Just following the thoughts that surround me

For they are all I have ever known.

When I cannot feel them, I panic.

Where am I? Where am I supposed to go?

I flail, feeling for something solid

Something to hold on to

Anything to help me feel like I am somewhere,

That I am someone.

The floor collapses and I fall

Unsupported by what used to hold me in place.

I am in a vacuum

In terror, I try to rebuild the hall with anything I can remember

But every time I try, it lasts for only a short while

And I am back again

Alone, empty, unknown

A voice from within whispers, but I cannot hear.

I call out for it, but only echoes of solitude come back to haunt me.

In this hell, I begin to weep

And the dam of my heart breaks open in a deluge.

A piercing pain overwhelms me

A fire begins to rage

Then I hear that voice once more.

The softness and clarity are unlike anything I have ever felt.

Her voice wraps me like a blanket

I continue to burn, but no longer in pain

“You are never alone my son. My love will always be here to support you and guide you. You are more than you can possibly imagine. You no longer need to be defined by that which you are not. Instead, surrender to that which you are.”

With those final words, a faint light begins to appear.

As it brightens, a new world appears before me.

A world that I could only have imagined

For I did not have the eyes to see

This time there is a vastness in front of me

This time I still may not know where I am going

But this time I will do it my own way.

​

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Suffering From SPD (Single Personality Disorder)?

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

(Raphael’s note: I’m letting my inner teenage part express in this blog entry. His name is Marvin, and he seeks aliveness and meaning with others, especially around creative expression.)

“Hey Hon, do you wanna do that hike today?” she asked.

“ah…I don’t know….,” He said flatly.

“Or is today better to do that gardening? We got all the stuff for it?” She offered, looking at himfor connection.

“hmmm,” he toned back non-committally.

“Is there anything you’d like to do today, we haven’t had much time together for a while?”

He shrugged back with a facial grimace.

——  —–  —–

Have you ever been in a conversation that goes something like that? Sure, you have right? On both sides of the conversation probably.

But, have you ever been in a conversation where you or the person you are speaking with instead of being flat, replies to an offer with a thoughtful pause and says open-endedly, “Well,…. part of me does, ……and part of me doesn’t.”

Isn’t that way more refreshing, and honest? You can go somewhere with that response. It acknowledges that we all experience a push pull inside of ourselves.

—–  —–  —–

‘Single Personality Disorder (SPD):’ The resulting compounding stress in one’s life from the delusion that everything they think, say and feel comes from one personality source inside of them.

‘Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD):’ The stress of knowing and experiencing that you are more than one, but that there isn’t a healthy you at home who can hold, love, and reparent the various parts of you.

Seeing ourselves as made up of parts or subpersonalities, as it has been called, breathes so much relief. I can genuinely be drawn to something inside of myself and have a repulsion to it at the same time. I can like you and hate things about you at the same time. I can be majorly motivated towards something and lose the motivation in a heartbeat?

Part of me may definitely dislike the roller coaster effect of one part feeling something while another (or many others) feel something else. This is the part who seeks to appear “put together” to others who seem to be quite put together, while another part of me would so prefer to just check out from it all.

I’m curious, does that feel true for you too?

Soulfullheart offers a process where you can both get to know the various parts of you as well as be the kind and loving parent that your parts need to heal.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Opening Our Blind Eyes

Published on by Raphael Awen3 Comments

Image

By Wayne Vriend

Is it possible that there are things you cannot see right now?

How often are you moved to tears at the wonder and complexity of your physical body for instance?

How often do you feel a love presence coming to you from yourself, or from the Divine, or from another person in your life, to the point of feeling overwhelmed by the love?

If you’re like me, it’s not as often as you’d like.

Could it be that our eyes, our receptors of reality, have been turned down to a frequency that we can bear? To a lower frequency that matches our wounded experiences of this life, and past lives, up till now?

If your answer is ‘yes’ to my question, let me ask you my next question.

What would it take to open our eyes? That is to increase the frequency our eyes transmit and receive at?

My experience is that it takes a process of healing those past wounds. It takes an emotional authentication process, called life, a drama story played out in the real time of your life that allows for the feeling and healing of the past wounds, and embraces and lets in a new space for the new arising story, your unfolding story. It takes feeling the parts of us that are afraid to see yet ache for clearer vision at the same time.

If your answer is ‘no’ to my question about the possibility of there being so much more to see that you have seen till now, then let me ask you one more question.

Is the reason you are still breathing have something to do with proving that your present level of seeing is your highest reality? To prove that you are as attained as possible in this present moment?

I feel a presence in my life that wants to accelerate my ability to let in my next phase. What is my next step in a deeper sense of play, of passion, and of seeing? For me, I sense it is deeply about my own personal journey to see more and help others that ache to see more. I feel it will be about continuing to expand my work in Soulfullheart to individuals and also about speaking to groups about what I see, and how that relates to what they want to see and share . It seems simply true that describing what you see to others has to do with expanding vision. If I don’t share what I’m seeing, then my eyes wax dim. If I let out what I am letting in, like breathing, then my eyes wax brighter.

In this lifetime for me, so far, I have deeply let in and let out several things; Christianity, and being a missionary and teacher within that; a 23 year marriage; raising two daughters; and a 28 year entrepreneurial vision and effort at a contracting business; are the big ones that come in the moment. I needed to live through each of these stories, in real time, in order to feel and heal….in order to feel and heal some more, in order to, you guessed it, to feel and heal some more.

I deeply believe that what you have yet to see, and what I have yet to see, makes for an adventure that’s deeper than any adventure story we’ve ever read or seen in a movie. What you and I have yet to see is why we create and are drawn to stories.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Challenging The Part of You That Argues For Your Limitations

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

“Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours,”  Richard Bach

By Jillian Vriend

After more than ten years of serving people in various capacities and settings, I’ve heard many self-limiting arguments from a client when part of them is resisting a challenging growth phase in their process. Whether the challenge is coming from life in the form of a crisis or is self created by the choices they are making or is coming from an intuition or guidance offered by me; it can be very difficult for parts of us to allow us to move to our next tier of growth, even if we say initially that we really want to heal, change, and transform.

As a SoulFullHeart Guide, when I hear a justification from a SFH client for not doing journaling or for letting weeks go before scheduling the next session or for continuing medications and self defeating patterns and suffering loops that they’ve previously felt they needed to end, I think of the quote, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.” From a soulfullheart perspective, I would change this to: “Become the part of you who argues for our limitations and, sure enough, that’s all you are.”

If you were working with us as a SFH Client and found yourself in a challenging phase, rather than trying to just shift or reframe your thinking or encourage you to modify your behavior, we would advocate that you identify the part of you that holds the resistance and is the “arguer for the limitations”. We’d have you ask this arguer part what they are afraid of if you continue to commit to your process; encourage you to negotiate with them by offering that even though you feel this part of you is resistant that you desire to heal and grow; and feel with this part how you can agree on a pace and timing that honors their feelings while still allowing movement forward.

You would feel how this part of you received arguments of limitations from your parents, family, and social conditioning. This negotiation through a dialogue with you (as your growing SoulFullHeart Self)  is what allows you space from the parts of you that are feeling shut down, overwhelmed, kicking out, and resistive. This also allows for space from possible unfelt mother and father projections that may be going on towards life, God, or your SFH Guide. If this previously resistive part is able to respond to the challenge, deeper levels of trust, respect, and leaning in are created from that part towards you, the new parent in the “house”, and future negotiations through difficult phases should be easier.

Basically, SFH offers that you need to show up to challenge yourself and parts of you about the limiting truths they hold about time constraints, lack of resources, inability to give up a medication or toxic relationship, etc. or you cannot move beyond their reality to experience the life that you most desire. A life where time and resources feel abundant; where what you previously related to as a medication no longer is being used to suppress your feelings, and where what previously felt daunting becomes an opportunity for growth and healing.

These movements can be supported by a SFH Guide challenging the arguments and justifications that you give and inviting you to connect with the part of you that is offering them in the way I’ve previously described. If the client cannot go there, then we trust that this just isn’t the time for them to go deeper into their process as their reality of not being available for it has become their only reality. It would be invasive for us to push deeper if there isn’t a “them” there, a growing centered and more mature version of themselves, to respond to the challenge.

Ultimately, what we most desire for people is a growing experience that they can challenge parts of themselves in a loving way that holds accountability while making the commitment of time, money, and energy to their process because it feels most self loving and nourishing to them to do so for their own growth and healing. When this is the ground of the exchange, they get to experience the possibilities that open up and the healing that happens when they become more emotionally conscious about the parts inside of them and how their undigested and unfelt reactions to life limit them from becoming who they were meant to be and living the life they really want.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Moving Beyond Compartments And Into The Flow

Published on by Jelelle Awen2 Comments

By Jillian Vriend

We are being offered an invitation to move beyond compartmentalization in our lives. The defensive aspects of our persona create compartments (both energetically and emotionally) to hold back love and desire from flowing into all areas of our lives. We may also compartmentalize our “work self” from the person that we are at home; or our public service persona from who we are in private; or our spiritual seeker from our practical side. I feel this is also what happens when people attend weekend or week long spiritual seminars, have a “peak experience”, and yet have difficulty integrating it into their daily lives long term. The experience and our authentic response to it has been put in a compartment by our defenses, waiting a time when it will feel safe to express this way again. In all of this compartmentalizing, we are essentially resistant to letting our natural essence arise and flow through every moment and in response to every situation in our lives.

The invitation from the Divine is that we can flow into life from our natural essence, on the current of love, and in every arising moment. This invitation is offered to us now….and now…..and now. It is our minds, our conditioning, our conforming to a linear-based culture, and, most of all, our fear of not having love and not being liked, that keeps us in these compartments. It is much easier to be rejected and feel shut out by people if we are only actually bringing a portion of ourselves (and a highly formed version) rather than our whole authentic and unpredictable selves!

An example of this from my past was when I worked as a business coach and manager during the work week and engaged in my spiritual/emotional passion calling on weekends and “off work times.” My authentic expression and true passion was reserved by my defenses to come out only when it felt safe for it to, when I was in group circles where everyone else was being this way, in an individual facilitation session, or when I was alone with my parts.

In the beginning, this compartmentalization was comfortable and actually not even conscious to me. I also compartmentalized my romantic relationship away from my spiritual/emotional work as my mate at the time didn’t accept and understand what I was engaged with. It felt easier to keep that side of myself contained off from him because whenever I brought it up we would fight and have conflict about it.

Yet, the more I opened my heart, my soul, and myself through the work that I was engaging in, the harder it became to just go to work in the office and separate that from my “personal life.” And also it became more painful and difficult to separate my romance from my deepening relationship with the Divine and the one with myself and my parts. Eventually, the love and desire were in overflow enough that it became possible to make the changes that I needed to in order to end the compartmentalization. This meant the end of the relationship, although it didn’t necessarily have to be that way if he had felt drawn to engage in the same healing process that I did (which he didn’t.) And, this also meant the eventual moving on to a full time focus on offering my spiritual and emotional healing gifts to others and out of business coaching.

These changes took tremendous courage and also lots of breathing space, time, love, and negotiating with and feeling of my defenses. As the compartments became fewer and fewer, the dam holding back my natural essence and love collapsed and an overflow of love, desire, passion, flooded into my life. This flood continues in this moment as a tendency to compartmentalize my life is moved through with a fresh flow of love from the Divine or in connection with Wayne or in an offering during a SoulFullHeart session where I am learning and growing, even as I am offering to others a way to respond to life and love.

My current guidance is to feel the painting contracting work that I am doing is as sacred as the healing work that I am offering. That the Jillian who holds a paint brush is the same as the one who is holding someone’s heart desires and fears.

And, I feel in embracing this offering that there is less resistance to working, more sweetness and enjoyment of it, and a sense of honoring and service that just is no matter what I am doing or engaged with. There is more surrender to trust love will flow and find its way, even through conflict and difficulty. There is more trust that the container of love that has no boundaries, limitations, or compartments!

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