Divine Mother – Page 10 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Tribulation: A Novel Inviting Us To Feel Life After Global Collapse

Published on July 1, 2014July 1, 2014 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

“A man lives who hears the the song of the red-tailed hawk and flies with it; A man lives who begins and ends each day with his new family and needs no other people; A man lives, who learns something new about the ground he walks every day, and needs no other place; A man lives who knows he is in the world not on it, a part of it not in charge of it, with many brethren of all kinds, and has no right to take more than he needs.” From Tribulation

By Jillian Vriend

Information about the inevitable global collapse of our short-sighted, technology- and cheap-fossil-fuel-dependent world is usually presented from a mental perspective and from an energy of “proving” that intense changes are coming and when they might be coming. Most of what is out there is mental analysis presented by mostly men who seem to be overly dedicated to researching thoroughly because what they are offering is admittedly to a stubborn audience in deep denial. They use logic and reasoning to try to pierce this denial and to wake up, first and foremost, a person’s awareness to what is happening. While this initial awakening is crucial, I’ve felt something missing from what I’ve digested recently from these mostly male sources and ‘experts’ on collapse.

What I feel is missing from the collapse picture and from our world in a big way is feeling, intuition, compassion, vision, surrender, and connection to a bigger context. Basically, a feminine energy (in both men and women) that can hold and respond to what is happening and what will happen from the heart rather than just from the head. I feel called to provide some of that energy through my connection with the Divine Mother, as I’ve done in previous conversations that I’ve shared on this blog. I also felt compelled to share images from our world with only music as backdrop to invite the heart to digest what is happening rather than just the mind. I feel strongly that is our individual capacity to emotionally digest what is coming that will become the most valuable currency in the future. I feel that survival and practical skills in combination with emotional maturity will offer the most grounded chance for those awakening to this reality.

One of the most difficult things for people to imagine is what the collapse will be like and how it might feel to actually live through it. This is where I feel that fiction writing can be very helpful as it sparks the imagination (connected to our third eye/visionary access) and elicits our emotional reactions in ways that just being presented the “facts” of what is happening cannot. Telling and hearing stories has been an important aspect of human consciousness throughout our history…we’ve moved from sharing orally around the fire to spending millions on block buster movies. Most of these stories feel like they feed our denial, keep us asleep, and allow us to act courageously in a vicarious way. Most of these stories bear little resemblance to most our lives and purposely avoid reflecting the subconscious (and sometimes conscious) misery and suffering that so many people feel. Most of these stories act as drugs, whether to keep us from feeling or to drop us into feeling as a way to off gas our pain without actually connecting it to ourselves.

Sometimes, though, a story comes along that invites us to feel ourselves and our lives. It invites us to feel the very real possibilities of our future and offers scenarios that don’t feel foreign so much as scarily familiar. Tribulation by Thomas Lewis offers such a story. Rather than offering a dystopian picture of a world that has been cranked up to extremes so we don’t feel too disturbed by it (like Hunger Games series, 1984, Battlestar Gallatica, the Divergent series, The Stand, Planet Of The Apes, etc.), this book remains firmly grounded in what is not only possible but is very likely. The author has obviously researched extensively our fossil fuel dependency, as one example, and then he imagines what will happen to modern society when the tankers can’t deliver, when the food can’t be delivered by truck, when the political systems have become irreversibly corrupt from preserving relationships with middle eastern, oil-rich countries , when the wars escalate, when the economy based on fiat currency collapses. It’s easy to imagine the hoarding, the looting, the shooting and yet can be difficult for us to feel what that would be like to live through. We need characters, like reluctant leader William and his collapse-seeing son Bill, and the others who live out the first, very messy and painful phase of collapse on a sustainable farm, to project our hopes and our fears on to.

The author provides us a picture of what it will take to survive: fertile land in a remote location, a source of clean drinking water, security systems in place (including hand guns), a community of people that you can trust with your life, gardens, farm animals. Many people offer this picture of ecovillage and intentional community living as a crucial step, but it is much more compelling to journey with these characters as they actually live this life, giving up most of the modern conveniences that have allowed for easy food, easy water, and (for most of us) easy lives. And their journey is not just about adjusting to daily living in this new, very physical reality, it is also about these characters letting go of who they were before the collapse and arising into who they become afterwards.

We feel that it is the collapse of the self image built up by the false self that will be the most difficult aspect for most people. So much investment in money earning, mortgages, professional careers, attaining the next “toy”…this investment will be impossible for many people to let go of even when life “forces” them to let go. We have offered with SoulFullHeart for two years now and been on our own journey for over ten years of deconstruction of the false self and its domains of control and strategy. We have let go of jobs, toxic family relationships, even previously revered spiritual groups…anything that did not seem to serve our arising authentic self and deconstruction of our false self. Reading this book confirmed these decisions as the de-construction process for us might be that much easier to bear when it happens. We have surrendered outcomes to the Divine and try to align our desires with the bigger context of our souls and Divine guidance. We have decided to leave Canada in the next few months and find a place that establish a conscious community that will feel like our “ark”, most likely in Mexico. A place where we can plant our seeds of heart and soul offering, growing not just the food we need to survive but the way of life that brings us such growth and love. A place where we can draw others with like-hearted and minded sense of life to be in community with us.

There is such growing proof that a great death is coming and we are already in the middle of a painful contraction period, the likes of which have never been experienced by our species. But, I hold in my heart (as validated by reading this book) that there is a rebirth possible rising out of the ashes of our false investments. A rebirth that offers a lifestyle of simplicity, sustainability, connection with our environment, and, most importantly of all, love.

Actions And Consequences: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 15, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, non-loving, fear-based, unconscious state.

Jillian: Hello, Mother. I feel a sense of urgency on this rainy day in June.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. Yes…I can feel that in you. Digesting what you’ve been reading and learning recently?

J: I feel like I have so much to ask you about related to the very real threats to the survival of the human species..yet I know you won’t give me reassurances, false hope, or specific timelines.

DM: Ask me what is in your heart to ask, Jillian, and I’ll respond with what I feel you need even if it isn’t what you think you want.

J: Mother….is the human race doomed? Are we looking at near term extinction in the next decade or even the next few years?

DM: I feel your tears and pain as you ask me that question, Jillian. I feel your despair and compassion.

J: As much as I can be frustrated by the actions and choices of unconscious people, I feel pain at the suffering and loss coming to us as a consequence for our short sighted and false self-based actions.

DM: So, you do feel there will be consequences?

J: How can there not be? That’s how the natural world works. Cause and effect. We have lived blindly so long to this basic principal…drugged by access to easy oil, easy food, easy water, easy shelter, easy life. Even as everything being easy has still made most people miserable.

DM: Cause and effect is the rule of nature. Yet as humans have removed themselves from nature by seeking to dominate it, they have delayed the consequences of their actions. Delayed, yet not ceased.

J: One of the consequences of our actions could be the end of our species.

DM: Yes. And up to 200 species are dying every day because of the actions of humans. Other species and the earth are bearing the brunt of the consequences of human action or inaction. Yet, nature seeks balance and it will find it.

J: It is difficult to imagine how that balance won’t mean adjusting the overpopulation of this planet by the reduction of many people. I feel your lack of sentimentality as we talk about this, Mother. I feel how much you love your human children, so why does your heart feel almost cold to me as we talk about this?

DM: This is my dark mother face, Jillian. The energy of doing what must be done even if it is painful in order to put things back in balance. The energy of tornadoes, storms, volcanoes. Even diseases. That which is out of balance must be righted again.

J: And yet I’ve experienced the compassion of your heart, the vastness of it, for several years now.

DM: It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, unconscious state.

J: I just feel like crying, Mother. I feel what you mean and I accept it but it just breaks my heart.

DM: As it breaks mine, Jillian. Sometimes we need to break our hearts open in order to truly let in and be with love.

J: And, I feel like I want guidance somehow around how to be with this heartbreak and what service looks like now for me and for SoulFullHeart. I feel the ash in the air, burning down of the structure that we created the last two years of sessions, space holding, group weekends, charging a fee for sessions…all of it feels like it is irrelevant compared to the very real possibilities of global collapse that we are feeling together.

DM: You created a form to contain the love and service that you had to offer others. The form is burning away, yes, in a necessary way. But the desire to serve love remains, yes?

J: Yes. I just don’t know the form yet.

DM: Form follows desire. Your desire is leading you to explore your world, to adventure to somewhere warmer and simplier in culture. Follow that and I will bring you connections, synchronicity…I will bring you opportunities to serve.

J: They just might not be in the way or structure that I am used to?

DM: Exactly. As you digest the ash in the air reality of your modern world, you are letting go of your attachments…the few that you had that is. This is the gift of ‘getting real’. Not for what it informs your mind, but for what it enlivens in your heart.

J: I so feel that gift even as it has been difficult to let in what we are facing as a species. Yet, my experience has been over the last ten years that ‘getting real’ is always preferable to deluding yourself, even if it hurts a lot at times.

DM: I feel the flame of your heart and soul being stripped of its form, Jillian, and therefore able to shine all the more brightly as a beacon to those ready to see it. I see it able to catalyze and penetrate more deeply what is authentic and vulnerable in others.

J: I think I feel what you mean, Mother. It’s what I want to be.

DM: And so it is what you are becoming. And it is the invitation from me to all my sacred human children….that their raw essence is one of love. Many of them have too much form, too many layers, to strip away this life and maybe will experience this in another life or even in another dimension where planets like Earth also exist.

J: What is the biggest thing that most people need to strip away, Mother?

DM: There are many answers to that question, Jillian. But I prefer first to ask rather than tell. What was the biggest thing you’ve had to strip away?

J: The first thing that comes to mind is to strip away the conditioning I’ve received. Social conditioning, family conditioning, relationship conditioning, western world conditioning, religious conditioning, mainstream psychology and spirituality conditioning, nutritional conditioning..and on and on. I’ve been in a process of deconstructing my mainstream conditioning and then experiencing what arises from my authentic essence instead to replace it. Lately, it’s been about stripping away conditioning related to unsustainable lifestyle choices.

DM: That is a major de-conditioning process, Jillian. It doesn’t feel like many souls signed up for that. But for those who did and feel an ache to experience how it feels when the authentic arises after deconstructing the false, then I would offer that the biggest stripping away would be of the denial and blocks that keep them from healing their own hearts and souls. Whatever conditioning they received that this was not important would need to be let go and a priority made of their own healing. And an urgent priority at that…

J: Yes, and this going inside ourselves eventually leads to a stripping away of social and relationship conditioning, which I feel is a huge block on the expression of our authenticity. For example, today is father’s day and it just about makes me choke to feel the congestion of duty, obligation, inauthenticity, and nonvulnerability that categorize most relationships that people have with their fathers. Yet, we all receive conditioning around this ‘holiday’ and feel a pressure to reach out or spend time with or appreciate our fathers. The same is true on mother’s day, birthdays, christmas, anniversaries. It is difficult to feel love on days such as these. Days that aren’t real anyway but been denoted as such mostly be greeting card companies. I have said no to most of this for years now.

DM: And so stripping away involves saying no to what most people hold as their reality.

J: A reality that is in general making most of them miserable and unhappy. A reality that creates a slave race out of humans because the conditioning we receive and pass on creates inauthentic actions and choices that lead to more emotional wounding. The conditioning creates toxic and dead relationships, especially marriages. I feel like the topic of dead marriages is a good one for another day though.

DM: Yes, that is fine. Jillian…..I just want you to feel that even during this time of great turning and death, it is being held with love. Death is necessary to free up love.

J: Even if there are no humans left to experience it?

DM: Yes. It is the most real thing there is and your world has been built on a false foundation of fear. My desire is for that foundation to crumble and maybe some of my human children will survive that crumbling. I do not know. But, what I do know is that love will survive. Even if it only exists in the future between the molecules of water and the sun or the blades of grass and the insect crawling on them.

J: Ok, deep breath…going to go digest this now and I do feel your love, Mother, and it does hold the heartbreak, even if it doesn’t alleviate it.

DM: Good, Jillian. Good to go feel now.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother, on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher-student.

Moving From Denial To Conscious Choice: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 12, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

Jillian: Hello Mother, I haven’t talked with you in a while, at least here in public.

Divine Mother: No and I’ve missed it, Jillian.

J: Me too. What have you missed?

DM: There is an intimacy and an immediacy to this medium for me that I enjoy very much. This is why I feel that the internet is the great equalizer and connector…until the technology behind it collapses, that is.

J: That’s what was in my heart to talk to you about today, Mother. I have been feeling quite strongly for a few years now how we are currently in a phase of the collapse of the systems that the false self has created: economic, political, social, religious, environmental, etc. These systems were necessary and yet, also, they need to collapse to rebirth a new way that is based on authenticity, love, and the sacred human self.

DM: Well said, Jillian. You feel conceptually and contextually in a beautiful way that can be of service to those who want it. Many souls are waking up to the reality of the collapses that are happening in so many areas, especially those who have already been personally impacted by them. It is easy to get overly immersed in content though….researching WHAT is happening to the cost of not feeling WHY it is happening.

J: I think many people feel why it is happening yet don’t recognize the false self aspect of themselves or that the development of the false self has been a necessary phase of evolution in the human species, as you have offered to us. As a reference, you and I talked about the false self development in this post if people want to read it.

DM: As you and Wayne offered in your talk to others about this topic a few weeks ago, denial is the fuel of the false self to keep the current systems in place.

J: Yes, we feel that denial has a strong currency in the world and that it is used to obscure the ‘facts’ from being presented, to slow practical action from being taken, to numb feelings of unhappiness that would lead to authentic desire expressing. We feel that it comes from the wounded sense of a separate self. A self that feels separate from you, from others, from an authentic core inside needs denial to keep its current world intact. We felt there are four main areas of denial shaping the world that we live in: military/industrial/economic which denies the integrated self; religious structures which deny our sacred humanity and birthright to experience direct connection with the Divine; the New Age love and light picture that denies death as a path to rebirth; and our birth family and social conditioning which deny our true emotional needs and authentic expression.

DM: That is a wonderful delineation of denial, Jillian. And what would you offer is the path to heal denial into awakening consciousness?

J: We offer through SoulFullHeart that connecting with parts of ourselves or subpersonalities in an emotionally conscious way leads to awakening in all areas of our lives. This is an internal process, yet it changes how we see and feel the external world. Also, healing our soul wounds that block connection to Divine source through connecting with our Daemon or soul guardian consciousness allows us to feel our sacred humanity as a reflection of being your children. In SoulFullHeart, we offer a path of de-conditioning from birth family and social conditioning that arises out of connecting with parts of ourselves and feeling what they advocate for in terms of connection or taking space. And, SoulFullHeart offers that it is feeling our pain and embracing our shadow, accepting the natural cycles of death and letting go that allow for rebirth.

DM: When you are in denial of a necessary change or death, you can only be a victim to it when it inevitably happens. If you can feel and then choose, that makes all the difference in how you experience the change.

J: Can you say more?

DM: When you ‘let something happen to you’ you are dis-empowered and all you can do is respond. Sometimes, this is the necessary and surrendered path. However, many people live from this default state at all times. They are in denial of and resistant to the changes that they NEED to make in their lives and so they can only experience changes that happen as traumatic and not digestable because of it. They can eventually accept and adapt to these changes, yet it is very different to make these changes from a conscious place that is feeling all there is to feel before, during, and after.

J: This is what we feel the sacred human self can do as it is differentiated from the false self and other parts. It can make the space for this digestion and choosing process.

DM: Yes, which is what you are currently holding as you digest and choose to move to Mexico in October.

J: I would describe my digestion process around that since we first felt the call to do it a few weeks ago as an up and down, ebb and flow process. There have been moments of real excitement and anticipation then moments of fear and anxiety contraction. The contractions don’t stop the momentum around practical planning for the trip, but I do make space to feel what is going on rather than powering through them. I don’t deny that they are there.

DM: This is an important point. If you make the conscious choice to make a change, then you can hold and respond to it – similar to the way a pregnant woman responds and holds both the positive and difficult changes that are happening in her body as the baby grows inside of her. The pregnant woman knows that something is dying (her previous life before she had children or her body as it was before it was pregnant) and yet also that something will be born out of the dying. This is the process of labor: the contractions that cause pain produce life.

J: I would say the human species is going through more dying than birth labor right now. As Wayne says, it really feels like a hospice phase. Or as part of my Daemon named Dys would say, ‘It is an ash in the air time.’

DM: Ash in the air, yes. And toxins in the water. And poisons in the food. It is a great phase of dying of that which can no longer be sustained.

J: I feel the heaviness of this time we are in, Mother. I feel this deep sense of death and loss that is coming. It is hanging over me at all times even as I feel joy in the moment. It actually brings more poignancy to the moment to feel what is coming, similar to how some dying people feel about their lives after they receive their diagnosis.

DM: Continue to feel the heaviness and the joy both, Jillian. There is sacredness in both. Sacredness to the process of death, labor, and birthing. You are living in a highly sacred time.

J: And a highly scary one.

DM: Yes, it can be scary for parts of you to feel the changes coming. Yet, as you said, feeling this fear and not denying it is the key. Can you imagine how much power and love would be accessible if world leaders could just say, “I am afraid” and feel and share their fears rather than unfeelingly ordering yet another wave of drone strikes or ground troop attacks?

J: Wow, yes, I feel how powerful that would be. The fears that they are trying so hard to deny by taking violent actions would be able to be surfaced and felt which would actually give them access to more authentic power inside of them. I imagine that their choices would be much different. One thing that I feel fear about is that the men who we placed authority on to have their fingers on the buttons that lead to mass destruction make decisions from their unfelt fears, pain, and congestion. These are the people that we declare our leaders in a time such as this?

DM: They are a reflection of the systems that they are going to help collapse. Those with awakened heart and soul consciousness will be called upon to lead and serve when the great birth labor phase arises out of the ashes. Yes, people like you and Wayne.

J: It has been difficult for our message to be received now, before this collapse. It’s like we are invisible in a big way and what we are trying to bring can’t penetrate the layers of denial.

DM: Yes, that is an aspect of what you are experiencing. And you have the next phase of your own journey to undertake that will draw those who are in resonance.

J: That’s what it feels like to me. Mother, I wanted to ask you: What would you guide someone to do who feels the collapses that are happening?

DM: Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

J: Thank you, Mother. I think we’ll complete on that note for today.

DM: Yes, ok, feels as if we have more conversations to have about this in public, yes?

J: Yes, I was feeling that too and I am very open to that. Just as Wayne is open to Yeshua’s guidance and connection during this phase of transition for us and the world.

DM: Good. I look forward to that.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

On Mother Earth Day: Digesting The Reality Of Climate Crisis

Published on April 27, 2014April 27, 2014 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Wayne Vriend

Recently I took in three powerful and difficult to digest pieces about the climate crisis. It seems fitting to share them today, on Mother Earth Day.

The first is a writers’ recollection, who lived nearby Chernobyl of the days and hours following the meltdown:

http://www.theecologist.org/blogs_and_comments/Blogs/2372899/chernobyl_the_biting_wind_the_silent_scream.html

and the second is Guy Mcpherson’s climate chaos you tube video from last year about how it’s most likely that we will experience a near extinction level climate crisis events by 2040.

And the third piece: RT released a piece on Chernobyl released on the 28th year anniversary (and it is part of the currently troubled Ukraine, no less!)

http://rt.com/news/155072-chernobyl-images-now-then/?utm_source=browser&utm_medium=aplication_chrome&utm_campaign=chrome

My god, I’m trying to digest how momentous a time we are in – RIGHT NOW – and let it in from the divine mother’s heart and urgency…

The piece from Chernobyl shows how the authorities react to any bad news in which it always justifies lying to the masses as the lesser of two perceived evils. We are in just such a time as that, but on a much bigger scale.

The other big piece I feel is how we collectively don’t have a way to digest this emotionally and spiritually, so we just haven’t digested it, (which is different somehow than flat out denial.)

Guy’s presentation is a lot of facts, and some context at the end. It beckons the heart and the soul to respond. The response is about accepting the earth as ‘in hospice’, rather than writing a letter to your congressman or member of parliament.

Mark me down for convinced, (though I struggle to know what that actually means). The world as we know bears little resemblance to the world that is emerging in the days, weeks, months and years immediately upon us.

Soulfullheart was born for such a time as this and I must admit, I am curious as hell as to how and if that will actually play out.

Wayne Vriend is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

Conversation With Divine Mother: Creating A Healing God And Goddess Experience

Published on April 10, 2014April 10, 2014 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

Wounded people create a God who wounds them. Healing people create a God who heals them. Even if I do not exist as a “Divine Mother” presence and you cannot prove that I do actually……I exist as an offering from your healing and joyful heart to others. You have created me out of your desire to experience a very different God and Goddess energy from that which you have known for many lifetimes.

Jillian: Hello, Divine Mother..I’d like to connect with you this morning.

Divine Mother: Jillian! Yes…hello.

Jillian: I haven’t connected with you directly in a little while and not on this blog for awhile either after we completed our 60 days together. It’s not so much that I miss you since I feel you around me all the time…it’s that I just enjoy feeling you in this direct form and way through shared conversation.

DM: I enjoy it as well, my daughter. And, yes, I am with you always….in the trees, in the creek rushing by your home, in the birds you hear outside right now, in your love with Wayne, in your orgasms, in your workouts at the gym.

J: I find the feeling of that comforting, even as I get that could feel really invasive to some people. Parts of them would feel like they had no escape or privacy from you!

DM: I am their mother….their divine mama if you will. They were not meant to have space from me. That doesn’t mean that I want to own or control any of you. I do not have those desires in my heart. Yet, I am invested in you all and I am present to you all.

J: Your investment and presence without need to control or own is a difficult thing to let in. The god of mainstream religions is so punishing and critical…judging if someone is a sinner or not; going to heaven or not; saved or not. It’s hard for me to talk about because I feel so far removed from that kind of god, especially since feeling you the way that I do.

DM: Parts of people, their false self especially, need a god like that because it reflects how they feel about themselves; it reflects what they have known as love and connection. We can’t change people’s experience of God until they start to heal their own heart and soul.

J: It feels like you are emphasizing emotional healing even over connecting with you.

DM: Without emotional healing, people cannot connect with me.

J: At all?

DM: A bit….even through the filter of Catholicism, connection with me comes through the energy and face of Mary. Yet, it is still a packaged and controlled presentation of me managed by the corrupt and irrelevant organization of the Church. A trickle of my love comes through, but it is so much less than what is possible!

J: For many people, a trickle of Divine love is more than they can even let in…again, because of what you mentioned around soul and heart wounding. I feel sad when I feel that and a well of compassion in my heart for how the human species is in so much suffering right now, so much of it tied to our heart congestion that blocks your love and our own self love.

DM: Feel your compassion, Jillian, and your sadness….it is important going forward.

J: I’d like to talk about this in our videoblog series today.

DM: Oh, yes, I would like that! I love your videos. It is a more intimate experience of your and Wayne’s energy. And sharing mine with others as well through that medium is nourishing for me.

J: I feel like you have one of your messages for humankind brewing today.

DM: Yes….your heart is happy today and therefore receptive to delivering it without transcending any of your own emotional process.

J: My heart is happy…I’m in joy over my life right now even with the unknowns about money earning, SoulFullHeart providing for us, etc. I’m in joy over the love I experience with Wayne on almost a moment by moment basis. I’m in joy over those I have the honor of serving, feeling their parts, serving them to heal and claim their bigness, becoming who they were meant to be. I’ve earned this joy through the tears I was willing to feel. The things I was willing to give up that were causing unreasonable suffering.

DM: I am in joy to feel your joy, Jillian. And, yes, you earned it through feeling your tears and your pain and giving up anything false that didn’t serve you any longer. It is difficult to have people understand this, isn’t it? They feel your joy and are almost resistant to it? Or they devalue it in some way?

J: I think it’s that their false self is suspicious of it. The false self doesn’t trust joy or goodness or love because they haven’t experienced that it lasts or that they can trust it. Their suspicion is understandable. Also, authentic joy doesn’t hold any value in our culture……it’s an unrecognizable currency.

DM: Yet, this can make for loneliness at times for you and for Wayne?

J: Yes, it has at times. I’m not feeling that now, but I have in the past….especially for parts of me.

DM: Being authentically joyful in a world that is in so much suffering is a beacon, Jillian. Authentic joy that has been earned through feeling the pain in your heart will shine the way for others…provides a light for them to navigate their own tears, their own difficult choices, their own parts.

J: Thank you for offering that, Mother. I don’t want to dim or devalue my joy or any other aspects of my emotional reality.

DM: Being a beacon means that you will draw suspicion and resistance at times…yet you will also draw those who are ready and wanting of what you have to offer.

J: Yes, I have experienced some of both. The resistance doesn’t hurt as much as it once did. I still feel a charge inside of me when I feel it and I want to feel that more with the part or parts of me who feel that. But it doesn’t take up as much energy as it used it.

DM: I can feel that as well inside of you. Perhaps you are not taking it as personally now and feeling more how drawing resistance from someone is not really about you but about their resistance to love that was already inside of them?

J: I do feel that and I understand it because that was true for me in so many ways. For example, part of me held an ideal around romantic love for which I experienced some authentic frequencies with Chris, my first husband. Yet, it was really unknown for me and therefore parts of me resisted experiencing the kind of love that I transact with Wayne….until I had healed enough to be able to be with it.

DM: This is such an important point. I would like to share this more in our vlog today.

J: It’s somehow endearing to hear you say “vlog”….such a modern word!

DM: I am a modern goddess!:) My language matches the times, matches the person who is connecting with me, matches the energy that they most need to feel.

J: This is something I’ve taught about you, but it still amazes me to feel it for myself. Someone could say I was just talking with a part of me and that’s why you feel and sound like me.

DM: So what if I am a part of you? I’m a part of you that offers you real love, guidance, support, investment, and constant presence. That’s a valuable part to feel, no?

J: Yes! Good point!

DM: As we said already, wounded people create a God who wounds them. Healing people create a God who heals them. Even if I do not exist as a “Divine Mother” presence and you cannot prove that I do actually……I exist as an offering from your healing and joyful heart to others. You have created me out of your desire to experience a very different God and Goddess energy from that which you have known for many lifetimes.

J: Feels odd for me to let in that I created you.

DM: Everyone creates their own God experience, Jillian. That’s how personal it is, even though they act like it is not personal at all and is held by someone else or the church or a pastor or a priest.

J: Woah…Mother, this feels big to let in. I feel my heart and soul perk up around it.

DM: People make themselves powerless before a God that they claim they didn’t create and that they let someone else create for them. They also make themselves powerless in relationship to healing themselves because they falsely believe that they are stuck with whatever they emotionally experience about their lives. You are offering a way of life with SoulFullHeart that allows them to find their power again, create and discover their own relationship with God, and their own emotions.

J: Yes, that is exactly what we offer…and without having power over them ourselves.

DM: This is key because it would not work without that being true.

J: Thank you, Mother, for this conversation. I’m not totally tracking mentally right now why it feels so important but I can feel it move through my heart and soul as important.

DM: Good…let it move. And let me move through you today in your vlog.

J: Yes, I will, for sure.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

Conversation With Divine Mother: Feeling Our Emotional Needs Underneath Our Frustration

Published on February 19, 2014February 24, 2014 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

I invite you to feel that, next time you are frustrated: feel what emotional need is not getting met for you and to ask for support.

Jillian: Hello, Mother. It’s been awhile since we’ve talked publically, since my last blog entry in my 60 Days With Divine Mother series.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. Yes, it has been a little while, even though time is not real and I am always with you. I am with you now as I was with you yesterday.

J: Yesterday was a rough day for me and for parts of me. It was a day where it felt like I “woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Huge waves of frustration and irritation. Disconnect and discontent. This is rare for me and I wanted to check in with you about it.

DM: Why did you decide to do this publically?

J: I was reading over some of my previous conversations with you and I was touched by the love flow between us and I missed your energy and presence. It has been harder to feel since we stopped connecting publically almost every day and I wanted it again.

DM: And, to share transparently and publically what a ‘rough’ day feels like for you and how I respond to it?

J: Yes, that’s right. You are ever the teacher, even as you are the student too.

DM: Learning and teaching go heart and heart, not just hand in hand. What would you like me to feel with you, my daughter?

J: It feels like much of the feeling has passed since yesterday after sharing with Kathleen at dinner and also Wayne and I clearing between us. It just felt like part of me was annoyed and irritated with everything around me and also with the small space in the RV that we now live in. She felt suppressed and contained by the small space. She felt rage that life has brought us to this ‘reduced place.’ Even as my experience has been that it doesn’t feel reduced at all, but opened out.

DM: Well, this part has her own emotional reality and I feel why she would feel that way. Would she like to talk with me directly?

J: She says, “ok.” It’s Jill, my inner teenager and healing matriarch part.

DM: Yes, Jill. I am here.

Jill: Hello, Mother. I’ve missed you. I feel tears coming up in the moment as I feel how I’ve missed you.

DM: Does it feel like I haven’t been there?

Jill: I guess, it’s just with not connecting every day like we were, I have felt like you weren’t there. I’m sorry. I should know that you are always there.

DM: Ah, Jill, please don’t apologize for missing me and for not feeling me there. And there aren’t any ‘shoulds’ in my world, sweet one. What was the source of your frustrations yesterday?

Jill: I still don’t know. It reminded me of being in high school and just having ‘foul’ days where everything and everyone annoyed me. I felt that way yesterday. I was fucking tired of living in such a small space. Of sleeping, eating, and writing all in the same bed! I was tired of the cold that we’ve been getting over and not being able to exercise for the last four days. Ah, Mother, I feel like a brat just sharing this with you. With all of the world’s problems and all the people suffering, I sound like a spoiled brat!

DM: Please don’t judge yourself harshly, Jill. Your feelings of frustration were real and comparing your fortune to others to invalidate them blocks me from being able to feel the deeper reasons and source for your frustration. Do you remember what I’ve offered the feeling of frustration is really about?

Jill: I think you’ve said that frustration is an expression of unmet desire and emotional needs. And, sometimes, it is a very reasonable reaction to have, a passionate reaction to injustice, for example. But that wasn’t the case yesterday!

DM: Hmmm, well, maybe not, but what if an unmet desire or emotional need was the root of your frustration?

Jill: I guess that would be a desire for more connection and service with others…our interactions with others have increased recently and it seems like new people might be drawn to and open to SoulFullHeart. I feel a desire for that.

DM: I can feel your desire, yet, it feels deeper than that. Is there an emotional need that hasn’t been getting met for you?

Jill: Well, I can feel a need getting met just in talking with and connecting with you. I can feel your Motherly presence holding me and giving Jillian more heart and energy too. I felt overwhelmed yesterday by what felt like “a lot to do” even though it was mostly cooking, which I like to do. I didn’t feel held by anything bigger yesterday and that I had to do it all, without Wayne’s support either.

DM: So you had an emotional need to feel supported in what you were responding to and doing?

Jill: Yes, that’s it. And I asked for support from Wayne and in journaling with Jillian but I didn’t really let them in when they offered it to me. I didn’t feel like I could trust them really. And the irritation and frustration felt just like what I grew up with as both of my parents tended to have parts that had a low level of irritation brewing at all times, just waiting to explode.

DM: You are moving through a parental piece, Jill. Perhaps getting ready to let in Jillian even more and me as well? Maybe even become a bit younger?

Jill: Oh, well, now that’s a better way to frame it then I was just being a brat.

DM: Jill, your emotional needs largely didn’t get met during your childhood. Your frustration and irritation are a result of that and of absorbing the undigested tones of that from your parents. And they are innocent in another way because they had the same experience with their parents. I invite you to feel that, next time you are frustrated: feel what emotional need is not getting met for you and to ask for support to feel that from Jillian and from me if you want to.

Jill: Ok, Mother, that gives me some power around what is happening. I felt like I was drowning in the irritation yesterday. That gives me a lifeline.

DM: Yes….a heart line.: ) Also, it is not ‘bratty’ to feel that your emotional needs aren’t getting met or that you aren’t satisfied with what you are experiencing. If there is entitlement there, Jillian can help you sort that one out.

Jill: That is so new to the conditioning that most of us receive about our emotional needs, Mother. Very new.

DM: Yes, and I appreciate that you were open to sharing your struggle publically so that I could offer this to others.

Jill: It was so worth it to feel your heart, Mother. Thank you.

DM: You are welcome, dear one. Any time…truly.

Conversation With Divine Mother: Being Vegan As A Reflection Of Your Inner Emotional Health

Published on January 21, 2014January 22, 2014 by Jelelle Awen

Note: This blog article was previously published on our SoulFullHeart Vegan Blog, which we are now consolidating into this blog.

If someone can digest a violently abused animal and not feel anything about it, that’s the degree that there is emotional abuse and violence going on subconsciously inside of them. One part to another. This abuse is a product of their childhoods and past lives.

Hello, Divine Mother, It’s Jillian. I’m wondering if you might offer something about being vegan as a message to those who are following that path and those that are curious about it.

Hello, Jillian. I like that you are publically writing with me, like Wayne’s 90 days with Yeshua. Perhaps we would do 90 days together too?

J: Oh, wow, well I feel a reaction to that, probably my daemon Morgaine who says that feels overwhelming and intense right now.

DM: Well, all respect to Morgaine, it feels like it would most benefit her and bring you and I in closer connection while offering my voice and message to your readers, which is hard for most people to hear on their own.

J: Why is it hard for most people to hear? Wait, I thought we were going to talk about being vegan?

DM: Ah, dear Jillian, did you forget that I like to weave and circle my way through? Yes, we’ll talk about being vegan, and I invite you to feel into offering 90 days with me too. Negotiation with Morgaine, yes?

J: Yes, for sure. Ok, it ruffles some feathers in the moment but, of course, I will feel into it. So, being vegan?

DM: Why is this even a question, this choice? This one is so basic, so fundamental, so critical that it is surprising so many people still struggle and resist it. How you treat all creatures is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Humans have rock bottom self worth, priorities based in false self image and attainment, and have disconnected from the reality of Oneness. These are all the symptoms that lead to the condition of abusing, murdering, and then eating animals.

J: I thought you might be more neutral on this issue, considering how many pressing issues are facing us humans right now.

DM: The nuclear crisis in Japan, the ongoing slaughter in Syria, the starvation of millions of children all over the world…you mean all of these issues?

J: Yes…ah, my heart feels heavy when you just start to list them. I want to ask you how we are ever going to find our way through, but that feels like a piece to feel into during our 90 days together (‘if we do that’, pipes in Morgaine.)

DM: Finding your way through is not about mentally solving the problems, but by feeling and following your heart. This applies whether to what you choose to do for a living to what you choose to put in your mouth to whether you choose to heal this life or not. If your choices are motivated and centered in your heart, you will find your way through.

J: But we haven’t placed a priority on the heart! We’ve placed it on our minds. Our society has made a false god out of what our mind can reason, rationalize, and filter, even to the point of so many spiritual offering being about controlling your thoughts, positive thinking, and manifestation through thoughts.

DM: The mind is an important filter, made too important by your modern culture. This is what I am here to help bring into balance. I want to say much more about this yet I feel your sweet inner child Aurora wanting me to talk more about animals and being vegan.

J: Yes, she would like that!

DM: Humans are interesting to me when it comes to their relationship with animals. You project so much of yourselves onto animals, yet, at the same time, you don’t actually get how they are a reflection of you- both your shadow and your light. Does this sound like a paradox? It is, but it doesn’t have to be. Projection onto something comes from an unhealed and subconscious heart, the false self as you and Wayne call it. Projection distances and it plays victim to the projection without taking ownership of it. Take ownership of the projection and you become free to feel what the object of your projection is actually offering you.

J: My mind is struggling with that one but my heart seems to get what you are saying. Aurora says, “Yeah! We are all as innocent and pure as a puppy, but we project onto the puppy that it is cuter and more pure than we are. We give that puppy the love and adoration that part of us wants. Or we project onto an animal, like a cow or a pig, that they are worthless, only good for killing, that we are entitled to eat them, and we feel that way about part of ourselves too, like that part is worthless and only good for killing.”

DM: Yes, miss Aurora. You’ve always been so heart smart.:) I invite people to feel into this question: What if how you treat animals is a reflection of how you treat and feel about yourself? I know I said this already, but it such a crucial point that gets completely missed in the discussion of what to eat or not eat.

J: That’s because emotional truth and the heart are usually missing from the discussion!

DM: Yes. If someone can digest a violently abused animal and not feel anything about it, that’s the degree that there is emotional abuse and violence going on subconsciously inside of them. One part to another. This abuse is a product of their childhoods and past lives. Oh, especially past lives. But, most people don’t acknowledge emotional consciousness as being the underpinning force to everything they choose to do or not do. I am so glad that you and Wayne are bringing that with SoulFullHeart. It’s so important, Jillian. Keep bringing it. Do not give up. People’s hearts will open to it in time.

J: I’m still letting in what you are offering about if we can digest abused animals than we have an inner abuse going on. Wow. I definitely feel that with myself in the past. My inner abuse was around the cycle of self judgement and then shame that left me feeling acutely self consciousness about myself. I felt a part of me wanting to eat better and not eating animals was so ingrained in my soul and in Aurora, yet I couldn’t consciously make that choice while the inner abuse inside me was going on.

DM: Your choice to heal that inner abuse was a hugely brave one, my daughter. Hugely brave. Your culture makes heroes out of warriors, but the true heroes are those who are willing to go into their own hearts and heal the pain and congestion that is there. These heart heroes can then offer this same path to others who can then offer this to others and on and on. Do you see now though how this choice to not eat abused animals anymore is actually a very deep one? One that goes far beyond just buying different products at the grocery store?

J: Yes, wow, yes. This is what I have felt to offer with our SoulFullHeart Vegan Blog, Mother. I feel like parts of people can beat them up about not being vegan or get very defensive and angry when someone suggests that a plant-based lifestyle is better. This just continues the cycle of inner and outer abuse, doesn’t it? It still at its base and core combative and emotionally unconscious.

DM: Yes, it is. Some people do choose to be vegan through a combination of will power and punishment-shame. Yet, over time, their soul and heart consciousness responds to it in a positive way, even if they haven’t healed the deeper emotional congestion we were talking about earlier.

J: It feels like this conversation and your invitation for someone to feel into the question: ‘What if how you treat animals is a reflection of how you treat and feel about yourself?’ is a huge start to shifting consciousness around this issue.

DM: Yes, it is a start. And everything must start somewhere. I look forward to ongoing conversations with you, Jillian.

J: Yes, Mother, me too. I will talk with Morgaine and get back to you.

DM: I’m always here, my daughter. Always and for anyone who has need and vulnerability in their heart and desire to connect with me.

J: Love you, Mother.

DM: I love you too, my dear daughter. And Aurora and Morgaine.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. You can read Jillian Vriend’s book In The Arms of Mother: Healing Through Conscious Connection With The Divine Mother and Introducing The SoulFullHeart Way Of Life onsoulfullheartbooks.com.

2013: A Death and Rebirth Into Real Love

Published on January 9, 2014January 10, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

By Christopher Tydeman

I found myself in many different emotional places, as I had to calibrate to a new way of being and feeling in the world. Who was I without this old filter? What do I do? How do I be? All questions that make up the quest of surrender.

I started to write about all the content that happened to me in 2013, but realized there was a context to it all. Last year was a year of uncovering my false self and his relationship to a false world, created to keep me small, and him safe. This world was set on fire so that a new relationship to my authentic self could be born.

For years I had been feeling unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. Off center. Off course. I had been praying to find myself so I could alleviate this pain. I had medicated with alcohol, drugs, work, being a father, politics, and relationships. My soul was sinking in quicksand and needed a way out. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. That teacher was SoulFullHeart.

For six months prior to 2013 I needed to go into and feel my pain. I accessed parts of myself left in trauma from this life and others. I found myself at a critical time in my life. Do I continue doing the same things, relating to the same people that can’t offer me the growth I need, or do I keep going on this suffering loop? At the beginning of the year, I made the choice to jump.

That was the most difficult crucible I had been through my entire life. To depart a career, family, and friends that a part of me had a codependent and unhealthy attachment to. If there was something truly real there it would have continued to grow with me. But it didn’t and it hasn’t up to this date. It was a dance, and a wrestling, with this part of me to get him to feel how little true love we were actually receiving and letting in. To this part of me that sounded harsh, but he began to feel it over time.

I drew a mate that brought out a part of me that needed to be made conscious so that I could feel those vulnerable places we can’t access unless we are in conscious relationship. I found the codependency that was linked to my relationship with my mother, and templating from my father. I had to find my spine, but it had been buried. We had to complete the relationship for our individual reasons, but have found each other again with new eyes, new heart, and new spine.

I uncovered my personal relationship to the Divine through countless hours of journaling with the Mother. This connection has been invaluable to me in times of uncertainty and fear. I have uncovered my SoulFullHeart self through experiences such as hosting a radio show, writing a vulnerable daily blog with my parts, entering a new ground of friendship with my mentors and facilitators, Jillian and Wayne, and beginning to facilitate another person on this path to self-awareness and emotional consciousness.

I have felt myself differently than I ever have. I still don’t have a clear picture, and maybe never will. What I do know is that through my experiences over the past year, I feel I am held by the Divine and supported by my SoulFullHeart family and mate. 2014 is a year of adventure and total unknowns. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t tell you where I will be or who I will be this time next year. But as long as love is in my heart, it doesn’t really matter.

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information on SoulFullHeart.

Feeling Our Contribution To The Causes Of Severe Weather

Published on January 9, 2014January 9, 2014 by Kasha Rosa

By Kathleen Calder

With the major weather crises we have all witnessed happening in North America alone, it isn’t surprising that we are looking at scientific details to figure out what’s going on in our climate. During times of such distress, as we are especially witnessing on the east coast of Canada and the U.S., it also feels necessary that we look at the whole picture when feeling into causes of extreme weather – the political, emotional, and the literal climate, altogether.

In SoulFullHeart, we offer and live into a view of healing yourself that is holistic and we take in all factors that could have led to where a person is at emotionally and physically. We do not isolate emotional or physical symptoms and treat them individually or as separate entities. This offers us deep and effective healing as individuals and as a group. So why not extend this holistic view outwards and use it for looking at and feeling what’s at the root of the intense weather happening in the world?

Let’s look at one example that is close to my heart. Before I moved to Vancouver, Toronto was my home for four years while I went to university there. Part of me left that city with a sour taste in his mouth, feeling tired of the pollution and also of the surprising amount of conservative thinking and politics. Shortly after I moved away, Rob Ford was voted in as mayor. My friends at the time who still lived there were shocked that he managed to get into office, considering he already had a stance that was anti-cyclist and I believe also anti-transit to a certain extent. Expanding bike lanes and creating a safer city for cyclists and also expanding public transit are two major ways in which the city can cut back on pollution. Also, and I know this is looking at physical appearance which may rub some people the wrong way, but if the man can’t take good care of himself, how is he supposed to be trusted to lead a metropolitan city? His drug habits make this apparent, but it’s also clear when you look at him, that this is not a self-loving or respecting man.

I feel that the weather happening in Toronto right now is an outward shake-up, showing up in the climate, that is happening in response to the political climate. Instead, though, of taking a stance of saying that the Divine is “punishing” Toronto, I’d like to offer that Mother (who is most commonly felt as “Mother Earth”), wants Toronto to wake up. The degree of pollution, both literal and energetic needs an upheaval. It’s sad that it had to come to this – that Mother Nature needed to re-balance herself in a way that has unfortunately held many deaths. I say “held” because I feel Mother holds and feels every single one of us in our suffering…suffering we had to reap ourselves so that we can wake up.

It’s easy enough to point fingers and say that any one person or group of people is at fault for this. However, all of us, every single human being, has played some part in the creation of the strong natural imbalance that has led to such severe weather patterns. We have all let our unfelt emotional pain fester to the point of not letting ourselves feel our deep compassion and love for our earth and all its creatures. This has taken shape in the form of supporting factory farming practices by our unconscious consumption of meat, which has led to a staggering amount of pollution both in our skies and in our water. We have also relied heavily on such products as plastic, which has become a huge problem in our oceans, being consumed by wildlife at an alarming rate, and is not biodegradable, so it remains in the environment for eons. Not to mention that plastic is created by oil – another way in which we have literally been raping the planet and the atmosphere. I understand that oil has been a number one commodity for so long that it’s hard to imagine the state of our economy without it, but the affects on the environment are insurmountable at best. Oil spills are costly to our wildlife and our own health as well. The foray into nuclear power has over and over again proven detrimental. We cannot afford the risks these practices pose to our health and our environments health. The earth is sick and She is trying to re-balance Herself, like our own bodies do when we endure fevers and other physical reactions.

Aside from literally harming the environment in these ways, we are also harming the environment and each other energetically every day. Every unfelt, undigested emotional trauma is yet another excuse to harm ourselves and one another. This is what I feel fuels our need to follow religious dogma to the point where we feel God is actually telling us it’s okay to kill, rape and pillage. The inverse of that is following “spiritual/new age” dogma that insists we ignore the state of the world because “it isn’t real” and in order to become truly enlightened we need to disengage from it and from taking responsibility for it. I feel this goes directly against why we signed up to be human in this life, in this time when being deeply engaged in our feeling, physical bodies is so necessary to save our planet. This all goes into Mother’s heart. This is part of what She needs us all to feel into. Taking that step to feel into and recognize our accountability for the state of the planet is a big deal and isn’t easy, but is so deeply necessary.

This is a lot to take in, but it’s important to remember that we are more powerful and therefore much more responsible for our world than many of us think…and are at the same time, much more capable of saving it than any of us have ever felt comfortable believing before.

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.

30 Days With My Parts: Day 30 – Self-Authority: Authoring Your Own Story

Published on December 21, 2013January 4, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

90 Days With My Parts: Day 30-

This is a sovereign, self-loving choice. It is negotiated with your needs, my needs, and the needs of my other parts. This is the backbone of SoulFullHeart. It may be a day, a week, or a month. That is a real-time decision made between us. The only permission we need is our own self-permission, in which arises our own self-authority.

Christopher: Good morning, Mother.

Mother: Blessed morning, dearest Christopher. What is in your heart this morning?

C: Well, I was lying in bed and getting an irritation about this blog. I checked in with my parts, specifically Simon and Nathaniel, and they are feeling a bit torn on this blog in the moment. I offered what you mentioned to Simon about taking some time off and they seemed to like that idea.

M: Okay. What is behind that? I guess my question is why are you telling me this?

C: I can feel a part of me asking for permission, looking for an okay.

M: Mmm. I see. I am going to let you handle this one dearest Christopher. They need to hear it from you. You are the SFH self not me, my son. I feel you already know my answer.

C: You are right. Thank you for reflecting that back to me.

M: That is one of the ways I serve.

C: I am getting that. Okay…good morning, Simon.

Simon: Morning, Christopher.

C: I was feeling all of our desire to postpone the blog. Why do you feel the desire?

S: I guess I just want to journal with you without the feeling it is being published. It is hard for me to get totally vulnerable with you knowing that. Plus I don’t feel as close to you when we type it as when we write it. I can also feel like this is another task.

C: I have felt this in you for a while. You talked to Mother about this. Do you remember what she said?

S: She said the most important thing was me and my needs.

C: We felt that a postponement was a negotiation, right?

S: Yes, we did.

C: That takes in consideration your needs, as well as Nathaniel’s.

S: Yes.

C: But I feel something in you that is struggling with that desire.

S: I can feel that I don’t want to disappoint Jillian, Wayne, and Kathleen. When I say that I can feel how that is just an old way I would have felt this. I know that they would be behind this 100%. They would support us even if we decided not to do it anymore. They would just want to feel what was behind the decision. The feeling. No judgment, just data.

C: Yes, exactly. This is a sovereign, self-loving choice. It is negotiated with your needs, my needs, and the needs of my other parts. This is the backbone of SoulFullHeart. It may be a day, a week, or a month. That is a real-time decision made between us. The only permission we need is our own self-permission, in which arises our own self-authority.

S: I noticed the word ‘author’ in authority.

C: Yeah! Good catch. We get to author our own story, not someone else.

S: That is way cool. We pulled a Wayne and Yeshua!

C: I think we did, buddy. How does that help you feel about taking some time off?

S: I feel lighter about it.

C: I feel that already in my body. Anything else before I talk to Nathaniel?

S: I don’t think so.

C: Okay. We will talk later. Good morning, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel: Good morning, Christopher.

C: What were you feeling about this decision?

N: I was feeling the need to be a little less outed. I was feeling a need to connect with you privately as well. We have just gotten to know each other and this feels a little less personal to me. I understand the power of this container, and would like to participate in it when I feel a bit more connected to you. I was feeling a little “dog and pony” about it.

C: Hmmm. Yeah. There might some of that in there. I felt that we were authentic though, for the most part.

N: Oh, yes. We certainly were. My words were true to my heart as were yours. It was just an image that came to me. I want to feel a deeper desire to share. One that comes with more time with you privately.

C: Okay. That is what we felt together this morning.

N: I am grateful for the times with Mother and I hope that others can feel how we all have that connection, not just a select few. It is a connection that I want to share, but also want to have privately as well.

C: Yes. Well said. I feel we can share whatever experiences you wish to share after some time.

N: I like that idea. Thank you, Christopher. I feel your leadership in this decision. You will make a great king someday.

C: Wow. Thank you, Nathaniel. That is really amazing to hear. And you will be my wise guide.

N: I would like that.

Mother: Before you end, Christopher, what is your part in this decision?

C: I was noticing that their feelings are my feelings. I need to advocate for myself. Even though I have changed, and am changing, because of this blog, that doesn’t mean I won’t stop changing. I am not going to stop journaling. I have enjoyed sharing myself, but I also wonder where it is landing. My parts are becoming suspect as well. I know my SoulFullHeart family takes them in. I desire to continue the 90 Days because I want to for myself and because I know it is being digested by them. I feel this decision as a growth point for me.

M: Indeed, Christopher. I can feel your heart and your desire to share with the world. This is part of your purpose. You are discovering that with these blogs. You are also teaching with these as well. You are demonstrating advocacy, self-love, sovereignty, and authority. I am honoured to have been a part of it.

C: Thank you so much, Mother. That goes way in. No time in my life has 30 days done so much to help me discover who I am and what I am capable of. I want that to continue.

M: Then it shall be so.

C: Thanks to all of you who have been reading this the last 30 days. I am changed because of your heart taking it in as well. I am honoured you have been a part of it. I will pick it back up when my heart calls.

Much love and gratitude,

Christopher

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

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