by Kalayna Colibri
As powerful light waves and ascension boosts cascade upon us, this seems to bring up so much ache at times (which some may be surprised by since it has been so covered over for so long) for a mate to share the experience with. There is a growing feeling inside me, of how my heart wants to dance in a picture of the bond I’m waiting for, looking for, aching for, baking for… working for inside myself. As this desire lights me up, I’m reminded to not leave a single stone un-turned, as anyone who pops up on my radar could be the soul and heart I’ve been waiting for.
It feels like sometimes we miss each other… like maybe we tend to walk right by, or “scroll” right by on the internet. We don’t realize that the person grabbing our attention right away may not actually be the one we’re deeply searching and preparing for. Physicality and geography can be big reasons why they evade our inner search engines, as parts of us keep looking for very specific criteria that often no human being could really live into. It doesn’t feel like this is about these criteria though, so much as about resisting relationship, messiness and the mirror it all wants to offer us for our next growth edges. There is so much to be learned on this path of mate desire and so many patterns that become illuminated, and every single bond that arises gives us the opportunity to see and feel ourselves that much deeper.
This is where the ache that we feel for an other to come in and be in a romantic bond with us can really be turned inward instead… which is often the harder mate to be with, for those of us who have parts that resist even that (as I’ve felt in myself during my own process)! Yet the way to be with ourselves is so the way we then can be with others. It’s actually a very powerful practice ground for relationships of all kinds, as we learn to feel ourselves more deeply and also feel more drawn to ourselves as we heal, enjoying time spent with our own hearts and souls. THIS is the overflow place, and the nest that needs the most clearing out and sprucing up in preparation for THE mate to come in… it is the process I embrace and have embraced for a long time now, and something I treasure that’s really blossoming inside me more and more these days. A sincere readiness is arising to let someone else in while I’m also continuing to let MYSELF in… and wow, is THAT ever a lot sometimes! Especially with personal growth continuing and along with that, some strong shifts in what it is I feel I most want in life.
The ache for self is a sincere ache, and one that may actually be more powerfully alive inside you than you now realize consciously. There are parts in there, longing for your love and attention and looking for it outside of you instead, reaching for an energy, a love, that you are meant to cultivate within… placing this need on the outside and asking a partner or friend to be this healing force for you can strain any relationship and can even cause underground resentment as the transaction ground runs out. I’ve been in several bonds that seemed to head in this direction and without enough me there to hold my own ground with my own parts, the ground of these relationships eventually collapsed. This happened in both directions, it feels like… I wasn’t holding myself and he wasn’t holding his. The ache for yourself can only really be answered by you. It is a sovereign, fertile ground for a stunning garden of self-love and reverence to grow and grow and GROW… and life and the relationships you have now WILL mirror this for you, wanting you to see it, for the benefit, first and foremost, of your own heart and soul growth and expansion that then gets to lead and be in intimacy with others AND a mate.
My own ache for myself is now being answered by an arising me that is consciously healing and stepping more and more into service of others. It is what will overflow to a mate soon, as he comes forward and steps into this healing path with me. It is what’s possible for all of us as we earnestly find our way into the caverns inside of us, shining lights in those long-forgotten crevices that still ask for our help. It is an ache that is meant to be felt and quelled and satisfied as well as a power-filled first step into the oncoming stream of outer mateship possibilities that want to reach us and help this cultivated love flow onward, onward, onward…
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.