Our Emotions Shape Our Thoughts

By Raphael Awen

If our thoughts shape our inner world, which go on to shape our outer world, what is it that precedes our thoughts?

We could describe this precedent to our thoughts to be some kind of energy, less dense than a thought, and an energy that has movement or flow. How about calling it e-motion; energy in motion?

It is our emotions that shape our thoughts. Both are a form of energy in motion, that create, shape and manifest in more dense expressions.

But what is it that precedes our emotions? From what ground do our emotions arise from?

My feeling sense of this question is that it all arises from source, or the all, or the divine. If this is true, then even what we call the negative emotions, like depression, anxiety, or hatred, or fear all have a source in divinity. Nothing is outside of divinity needing to be rescued or saved back into divinity.

And If that is true, then the divine is out exploring the ‘negative’ through you and I in an effort to reinvent it into something much deeper and wider than even it knew was possible.

Can we make sweet love to every arising manifestation at whatever level it arises in our lives – in emotion, in thought, in physicality?

Raphael Awen


Moving From Being Alone To All-One

By Raphael Awen

When we feel ‘alone’, we are literally feeling ‘all-one’.

There is the lack of an other to feel what we are feeling. There is no relationship ‘to and from’ happening.

This explains while many often feel alone even while in relationship with others. The others have all co-created a one mind agreement to conform to, where the benefits of belonging are extended based on ones’ subtle (or not so subtle) compliance. It’s really hard not to do this, given our need for community. None of us can survive without some aspects of community.

When we show up for ourselves, we are literally becoming the missing other to our-selves (plural). The missing other who does the showing up is you intentionalizing and embodying your Higher Self into awareness, presence and being. This changes everything.

Now, your relationships with others no longer mirrors this missing other; the fusion of cookie cutter look-a-likes in a hive mind phase of consciousness. There is true differentiation and healthy individuation that can flow inside of community, or outside of community. The price of belonging is now no longer conformity, but you are instead encouraged to uncover more and more of your true you, even if that results in going separate ways.

You know deep down inside that no part of you can ever suffer in being ‘all-one’ ever again.

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Being Invited Into The Hearth Of Your Heart

By Raphael Awen

Not only is it all returning to source…..it is all expanding that source as it does so.

Your life as you know it is a piece of life expressing as a human being, a gender, a Gaian (earthling), possessing multidimensionality amongst so many other things.

At the core of your being is a heart. At the core of all that is, is a heart. That heart in this micro and macro is not two hearts, but one; one that you are invited into its expansive feelings of embrace and the deepest feelings of belonging.

You are invited into the hearth of this heart.

You are invited to gather all the aspects of you who don’t yet know this heart to gather round its warmth.

Life changes based on how you feel about life. How you feel about life creates how you see life. How you see and feel life is affected so deeply by how parts of you see and feel life. ‘You’ are not going to sail to the Stars when parts of you feel like shit in a hell hole.

These parts need to be convinced of this heart of love at the center of the you-niverse. Until you bridge to them from your higher heart, they are left in their perception of reality which is like a powerful WiFi reality shaping broadcast in what you know as your life.

All that’s needed to ‘do’ this is a willingness to feel what hasn’t been okay up till now to feel. That may be a tall order, but it is thee most simple order that exists at the core of all things.

Find the parts who are not okay with feeling. You will find that they are starving to be felt even in their disposition to not feel.

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Being Witness To Your Own Story

By Raphael Awen

No story is very interesting without tension of some kind.

Tension by its nature requires a container or context to hold the tension in place….kind of like how sports needs courts, playing fields, and sets of rules to go by to keep them on edge. Within the container then there is also a cast of characters who provide the movements and outcomes of the tension.

When we watch a story in a movie, or read one in a great novel, we are immediately drawn into the tension of the story because our lives are also stories. Story calls to story.

We tend to think of our lives as just our lives, without seeing the story at play in our lives. This is because we are fused to the story, unwitting actors in the story who can’t see and witness the profound story.

What makes a story a story is when someone reads or watches the story and is moved by the story. If you are not watching and reading the story of your own life, then you are the story that no one is really deeply watching or observing. Unconsciously being this unwatched story is not fulfilling, as the tension of the story doesn’t flow out into the movements of heartwarming outcomes.

What are the tensions of your story? What is the particular container that holds these tensions in place in your story? Who are the cast of characters, internal and external, that play into this story? Who is the producer or writer of your story and what are they trying to get across?

Is your story finding its mark? Who has the production rights to your story? Is your story in need of some rewriting? Has someone dialed down the tension in your story that wants to play out?

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Navigating Choices Rather Than Avoiding Them

By Raphael Awen

While my ‘what it feels like to be me’ has shifted and grown so much in life, the thing that remains constant is the vulnerability to desire, courage and choice.

Growth doesn’t lead to less challenge, though it does afford a grace to be with challenge. Growth doesn’t mean I have less desire, or less occasions that call for deep courage.

Many are of the mind that raising their consciousness will be some kind of escape from being human, a transcendence into bliss…….only to end up feeling very small at their inability to actually achieve their desired escape.

We came here to fully feel, to choose between difficult options, to experience fully, to lose, to gain. We had all the bliss we could imagine and it grew boring and lonely. We wanted more and we still do.

If this is true, then what we’re really left with is finding a way to navigate choices, rather than a means of avoiding our choices. This is about finding and feeling each part of us invested in the losses and gains involved in any given piece of life drama. When parts of us get truly felt by us, they are freed to integrate with our hearts and surrender into the changes and growth. They become unstuck in the balm of our heart space.

Consciousness then makes great strides into new domains of being as we are prepared to vibrate at the new frequencies needed to be with life at the new level.

Raphael Awen

Being With Anxiety During Life Transitions

By Raphael Awen

After a total crash day of doing almost nothing physically, rest, rest, rest, some tears of longing under a despair of aching for 3D to shift some more in our collective and within my reality inside of that, I was able to feel very held, loved and supported.

With just two weeks and a bit left of our four year sojourn in Mexico, both Jelelle and I, and Raianna are feeling quite done with Mexico. Much of the previous appeal has lost its charm as the universes ‘prickly nest’ push into new timelines leads the way. Like a pregnant mother in her final stages of pregnancy, it’s not all easy or comfortable. We’re feeling not quite here and not quite there at the same time.

These times of transition with less routine are a precious time to feel yourself and parts of you. I’ve made it my practice and joy to deeply ‘go in’, in any time of transition or change.

Day before yesterday, I tallied the numbers of our Canada budget and had some reaction of anxiety about the money. It felt like a fraction of what I’ve ever felt in times past around money, yet, it was still there, a kind of shutdown inside that I had to give space to move through and feel. It’s interesting too, that these much smaller reactions than the ones I’ve known in times past are some offset by the fact that I feel way more sensitive to my emotional body, so in another way, they feel almost as big in the moment. They certainly feel big enough to call my attention and heart and feel what parts of me or in my Metasoul are wanting and asking for to be felt.

Interesting too, with that signature feeling of anxiety about money pushed up into my feeling space, I was easily able to time travel back to the me in times past, who lived and fueled my life with the anxiety about money. It feels real to me that we can change our lives in the present by going back in time to give love and heart presence to the parts of ourselves that felt trapped in an all too real reality where anxiety (or any other prominent suffering) was the order of the day. When a part of us from our past gets to shift their reality, that creates a waveform that flows into our present.

Last night, I had a dream, a full on night dream, where a woman told me she had a check for us in the amount of $50,000 dollars. At a time when 500 dollars would make a big difference and one thousand would be huge, $50,000 feels like a really strange reality to live into. I so can feel that our collective current relationship to money and anxiety about money is only a reality because of what connection it always was meant to lead us to inside of ourselves. Were it not for an anxiety or a depression, we wouldn’t desire and long for the heaven we are returning to and expanding into. I can feel a new timeline reality emerging for all of us, where money focus and scarcity just isn’t part of our waking consciousness. I’ve made big strides into this new world already of feeling free from the constraints of money pressures, of feeling free to pursue my dreams, but there is a ways to go here yet that calls to me.

You may very much be feeling a call to step into deep changes in your life; decision points about relationships, jobs, careers, bankruptcy possibly, that to a part of you, feel like stepping off a cliff. Yet, you know, you are being invited into deep change. I deeply believe that when we can proactively let these present forms of our life go through the metamorphosis that the universe is bringing to us, by choosing the ripe change timeline, we spare ourselves the trauma and shock of having life implode and explode change into our lives. In other words, we decide (or we don’t) on whether we play victim to change, or whether we consciously lead and live into the changes. Doing this healthily involves feeling the parts of ourselves in their reactions to the potential choices and changes. Simply feeling these parts of ourselves is the magic that lets in the new reality that wants to come into our awareness and reality.

This lived in and experienced reality is then what provides the courage and direction for the next step.

If you’re up for this; congratulations! You’ve just returned to the land of the advent of your adventurous self reaping the fullest benefits of what you came here to feel and manifest.

Raphael Awen

The Gifts Of A Scathing Email From A Former Friend

By Raphael Awen

I received news of quite a scathing email today from an old friend of who I hadn’t spoken with in over 14 years. He blasted me for disowning my daughters, amongst other things. I chose not to read the email as it didn’t have any tones of care or respect, but I did let the contact from this friend and some of his energy land in my heart for some up-to-date digestion.

Kelvin (not his real name) and I met in church life, where we and our young families were a part of the leadership team. His family and mine enjoyed a magical missions experience living and traveling together for three months in remote places in the Philippines. We shared similar kinds of livelihoods as independent contractors and I learned many skills and trades by working alongside Kelvin. Kelvin had a hidden side that was becoming not so hidden as part of him said ‘fuck the hiding’ and his world began to rumble when he eventually openly admitted to being gay, and admitted to being abusive to his wife. His wife asked my help and a few other friends to assist her to pack up and leave their home on a 3 hour stealth mission when Kelvin was away one evening. Kelvin was broken to somewhere deep in his core and the next morning, he was at my door, knowing I was one of the people who had helped his wife make an escape. I was prepared for an attempt at a punch in the face, but was surprised when he simply said ‘Thank you for helping Carol, it was the right thing to do.’

Kelvin and I’s relationship went through several contexts, and nearing the end of our relationship, I perceived him to be distant and unreachable, so painfully similar to all the male friendships in my life. Now, I can see that this distance and unreachability had to do with a distance and unreachability inside of myself, that the universe was reflecting to me in my relationship with all of my male friends. I co-created that reality and the suffering patterns.

I consciously longed for male intimacy, knowing it had to do with my own father’s emotional distance, but still suffering with feeling on the outside of being unable to deeply connect with any of my male friends, all of whom had been in my life for many years and through many changes. In 2005, after thinning out more and more of my Christian faith, I realized that the last pillar of my faith was about to implode, and after that, I couldn’t call myself a Christian any longer. I no longer held Jesus as my personal saviour. I was withdrawing the confession of my faith, or ‘renouncing my Christianity’, you could say. I simply stated quietly to those closest to me, that I no longer held Jesus as my personal saviour, and this was an earthquake that none of my personal social life could sustain. My relationships with my wife and daughters all entered a surprising and sudden completion of the old, not knowing what may or may not arise in any new context.

Strangely though, Kelvin and I’s relationship had been quiet for some time and when we did meet one last time, it was post to my Christianity and with Kelvin living in an openly gay lifestyle, each of us had again a resonance on one level with being outside of the worlds we once knew and treasured, each for our own reasons. I shared some of my new found beliefs and values with Kelvin, but felt a distinct disinterest in him beyond a polite listening. Part of me so wanted to be done with any of the male tugging for intimacy patterns that were all too present in my (by now mostly absent) relationships with men. We never spoke again and it felt like it had just run out of gas; complete in what the transactable relationship was meant to bring us.

Strange though to fast forward 13 years and receive a blast of anger from Kelvin. I so see now that anyone from our past that we no longer have transaction with, we can’t actually be outside of relationship with, on a higher level that is. All of us are far too connected and are actually ‘all-one’, rather than ‘alone’ though our perceptions of things may beg to differ. What was striking to me was that it was also just this week that I wrote of breaking through some lifelong and significant barriers in my relationships with men in my deep friendship with Gabriel Heartman and our now 6 years of intense heart, soul and geographical journey together. I can so feel how me breaking a barrier inside of myself where my male relationship patterns are concerned that then ripples out into the Metasoul and Metasouls that we share, and we unmistakably ping on each others radar.

Part of Kelvin appears to be pissed that I broke the codes we shared, committed ourselves to, and suffered within. I believe I went on to begin to grasp the real prize that we are all in search of – really coming home to oneself inside of our own hearts and then finding that naturally mirror itself out into new relationship patterns with others.

I feel the sacred gift of the times and memories we shared, and what it brought us to and what it brought us through. I feel the sacred gift too even of the scathing email, that again offers me a digestion point of my own journey and what I am being invited into – internally and externally. One also needs some ‘before and after’ pictures to take in how much one has shifted their reality, to hold any wakes needed to shed any residual tears that parts of us may still hold and need to digest. We are all players in each others movies, inextricably linked. When one finds gold, we all find gold, and invite others into the undeniable newness that belongs to the all, and can be leased by any one willing to own it as a steward.

What is unmistakably shaking down or apart in your world? How does this correspond to an inner shaking/completion? What digestions are parts of you needing to have to be able to move on healthily without suppression? What heart knowing do you have with these parts? What would you be willing to pay to purchase this field in which you unmistakably discovered this pearl of great price?

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Welcoming The Peaks And The Valleys Of Awakening

By Raphael Awen

You can have what you want. That’s not actually the question.

The bigger question is about being ready to have what you want.

A part of you may readily say ‘oh, believe me, I’m ready! I’m so ready, I’m getting both depressed and impatient waiting to have what I really want.’

But this is only taking into consideration one part of you. Other parts of you can be just off your radar and actively resisting you (or what we call ‘you’) as they are not interested at all in these big changes ‘you’ feel you are so ready for. This resistive part of you is not something you can control, but it is something that you are responsible for, and something that you need to become responsive to.

Then, there is also another aspect of you, that is probably also just off your radar and that is your higher self. Your higher self may have chosen a preferred path of difficulty and going without something that another part of you deeply desires in order to learn and grow through a difficulty. It wouldn’t actually be a growth crucible without this tension between what ‘you’ want and don’t want. Your higher self is also something you cannot control, but it is something you are responsible for and that you also need to become more responsive to.

You are not a victim. Your life as you know it now is shaped by you, and the life you will come to know in the future is also shaped by you.

Your life as it is right now, warts and all, is perfect in the midst of imperfection. You are perfect while growing and learning. All the angst, pain and confusion is sacred. You had so much heaven that you needed to dial up hell in order to grow. Your soul loved the heaven it knew, but it also wanted more, and it knew the path to more was though the tension of less.

Consciously letting go of reaching for peak experiences and instead welcoming your awaiting valley experiences is what your soul may be asking of you. You may have very much needed your awakening experiences that happened through the peak experiences to let you know what is possible and what awaits you. But now, your soul wants you to let go of what a part of you may be be in danger of becoming quite addicted to, in order now to more consciously connect to what you actually came here for.

Whether conscious or not, you can’t escape growth. Growth is built into the DNA of the universe that you are a part of. While you can’t escape growth, you can accept your awakening to what is, and even the need to mourn the loss of your deep night’s rest in the 3D fusion of unconsciousness.

Now, as you are awakening, you are offered a conscious choice that your path up, is a path down. The downward path is a matter of feeling all there is to feel that you were not able to feel while asleep in 3D consciousness.

This will involve feeling crappy on a regular basis for a good amount of time. If this isn’t an option for ‘you’, then you are not yet ready for this deeper more conscious path of healing, but you can be assured, all of us will be invited and re-invited to return here just as soon and we are ready to. It is what we came here for. We came here to ascend with all of us, without any ‘lesser’ parts of us left behind being punished for any insubordination, or for just not getting the program.

Time now to look at what we’ve called ‘spiritual practices’ to feel where they are actually about transcending in the name of ascending, where they are about not feeling, rather than true healing.

We all come eventually to having what we most deeply want, with the fullest and deepest bliss that we can’t quite imagine. We are living our way to being able to imagine it as we feel and heal the parts of us still in deep pain that were covered over with our positive spirituality agendas.

Time now for a negative spirituality agenda that sees it all as sacred.

Raphael Awen

Preparing For Multidimensional Travel

By Raphael Awen

For the person who’s never travelled outside of their home country, it can feel like a kind of cognitive dissonance to consider what life would be like to travel to other countries.

Likewise for those of us who haven’t (consciously at least) visited other planets or met beings from other planets, we’re kind of left wrestling with a similar kind of cognitive dissonance where entering these new domains are concerned.

I’ve been to lots of other countries and have spent a lot of time away from what I was oriented to as home. I haven’t yet crossed the rubicon of direct, physical kind of experience with other planets and the beings who reside there.

I’ve signed up for the galactic geography and sociology classes though. My appetite is growing and the awareness is increasing daily that my Gaia/earth familiarity is a very limited awareness of life and the universe. I’m about to leave the family farm and I’m not quite sure what to pack, or how the travel ports of departure and destination work. I’m willing to not-know my way to knowing.

I will be irreversibly changed at these points of experience. So will all of us. Is your appetite preparing you for what is coming and even upon us now?

My god, so many are going to be wearing that incredulous look on their faces of ‘how could I have ever bought into the notion that we are the only planet with so-called ‘intelligent’ life?’

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Collapsing The Internal Tug Of War

By Raphael Awen

Is it at all a possibility that an anxious feeling or thought about the future is actually more to do with a fear of letting go of something familiar in the present, a kind of projection onto the future?

If that feels true, then it’s up to you to go find the part of you that holds the fear of loss – feel their reality, as distinct from yours. Feel what they fear losing and why. Find the tears underneath the triggers. Now, a new and self loving new possibility is much more free to arise and flow into your energy, your reality, your ‘life’.

When we don’t feel parts of ourselves and their reality, we are left with a kind of flatlined waveform reality that we call our life, but in reality is an unaddressed tension of living immobilized between the tension and polarity of these parts of ourselves, each of them exerting strong energetic and emotional reality broadcasts across the screens of our lives.

When we go in to simply feel each part’s reality, without trying to fix anything, we feel the part that wants to stay in one place forever and we feel the part who has already long left the building. When these parts of us feel the feelings of what it feels like to be felt by us, their reality and energy simply shifts. The internal tug of war collapses, and life and love are free to flow again.

I’m feeling this for myself in a renewed way again as Jelelle and I are thirty some days away from moving ourselves and a few suitcases of belongings to Canada (Victoria, BC), leaving behind 4 years here in Mexico. The geography change is part of the shifts and changes of livelihood and passion-purpose expression in the world. Anxieties about money (which is really a form of love), or the community building that we feel drawn to do there (another form of love), are really more to do with a fear of having more; of feeling unprepared for that unknown and untried ‘more’, of not knowing how to navigate more – for a part of me, that is, who has become familiar with living in less in some form or another.

Here now, I get to see and feel how anxiety is not a limiting energy on the more that I and other parts of me consciously desire, but rather a portal, and a direct portal at that, to the gold my heart and soul longs for.

What if the anxiety, depression and the long list of other unwanted emotions we work hard to mask and avoid are really supergate portals to the new world, to new earth, Golden earth realities that our hearts and souls know is possible?

If that’s true, then it’s time to let go, (or begin to at least) of letting go of ways of life, spiritualities, relationships, that are really about numbing ourselves to our pain.

Many are finding to their surprise that between them and their trusted beloveds exists an unconscious, but ironclad non-disclosure agreement that states that if either of us break the code of disclosing our real pain to ourselves, to one another or to our world, that we agree to be banned forever from connection. It’s a device that a powerful part of us set in place and cocreated to ensure that we would stay safe and securely small.

What would it be to make new connections in relationship where something like the opposite was true; where people were only in relationship with you for the currency exchange of your realness and radical self-honesty and vulnerability?

We haven’t explored that reality yet very far as a collective consciousness, but I can tell you that I have explored it seriously as a single consciousness, with a small band of ‘others, and find it utterly expansive and a journey like no other. I invite you into this exploration of yourself if it calls to you. I can aid you in making light years of consciousness growth come alive in your world if this is something your heart and soul are ready to undertake.

Raphael Awen

Please check into the link above as a decision point of your next steps into life and love in the frequency I speak of today. Thank you for tracking me and my words.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.