Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 18: Pressed Out Of The Nest

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

yeshuamoneymadness

Pressed, moved, changed. Everyone, bar none, is entering a time of unprecedented pressure and big movement. Kicked or pressed, you decide. You have a lot of say though in where that pressure will take you if your appetite is aligned with the desire of the universe.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning.

W – Yeshua, I’m wondering if we’ve covered where we needed to go for now, as in pausing soon?

Y – I can definitely feel you digesting a whole bunch and shape-shifting your way into this.

W – I can too. I have an internal experience of a man being between two worlds at times.

Y – How is that for you?

W – Well, it’s a tension for sure. I feel my old orientation and conditioning towards life and money arise, but it’s like an elevator that doesn’t reach the top like it used to. I feel impulses to act in certain directions and then I feel an acknowledgment that I just don’t have the same energy for the particular undertaking,…am I making any sense?

Y – I’m tracking…so what happens next?

W – Well, I rest and breathe some more, which might be busy and active in some ways, but I let the itch bake a while longer. In this new reality, I feel a good kind of rest and peace particularly in the rearview mirror, but looking ahead is where the tension still comes up.

Y – And then there’s what’s actually happening in the present, that you aren’t efforting or orchestrating to your conscious mental knowledge, but YOU are taking the tension of the unknown, insecurities, taking them into your heart where they are transmuted into your soul purpose and calling.

W – I feel that’s true, and yet I feel I want more of that in my conscious reality. Trusting it. Resting in it.

Y – You always want more. I like that about you,… a lot. But I need to remind you of the need to do the outbreath too where you let in the growth you’ve already experienced.

W – An outbreath in order to make room to let in.

Y – Our whole discussion around a new reality in currency and money is one that arises in you and it only grounds into your or anyone else’s life by living their way into it, from the ground of their life as they know it now, including their money circumstances and all of their conditioning around money. It wouldn’t have any traction if it wasn’t being lived into consciousness. That includes feeling the pressure and conflict between an emerging consciousness pressing against an old conditioning. This pressure point, and it living in you, is where the alchemy of change is occurring. It includes then a willingness to feel the part of you who feels powerless as you move towards deeper engagement with your true power. You’ve proven that willingness, Wayne. It’s felt a bit lonely, but that loneliness is the alchemy of leadership that creates the space for others to join in.

W – Okay, that touched me, hearing that last part. Thank you.

Y – Wayne, in your heart, you know you have touched, felt, tried and proven a way of living that is new, alive and aches for its reality to land in others’ hearts. That doesn’t change when you feel an anxiety arise or a pressure point from your older consciousness. Am I right?

W – A hundred percent, …most of the time. 🙂

Y – Being THAT, in real life, however that looks or manifests, but simply letting it continue to manifest in the way that it wants to, by facing all of your choice points, by feeling all there is to feel, and by pausing to appreciate the ground you’ve covered is what takes you to your destiny, which incidentally is figuring itself out too as you go. This is the human experience. This is the real human currency……..the point of being here. The exchanges and transactions inside of you are filled with abundance, appetite, and satisfaction. They then in turn shape and recreate the transactions outside of you, with others. That’s the new economy.

W – I like everything you just said, but I feel an undercurrent of being kicked out of a nest, the nest of our dialogue, and being pressed back into my life.

Y – Kicked?

W – Okay, that came from a more fearful and afraid place. Pressed is more accurate.

Y – Pressed, moved, changed. Everyone, bar none, is entering a time of unprecedented pressure and big movement. Kicked or pressed, you decide. You have a lot of say though in where that pressure will take you if your appetite is aligned with the desire of the universe.

W – Which is…?

Y – What is it to you, Wayne?

W – It is being in a place where I feel myself continually being remembered back into love, feeling and knowing embrace, comfort and peace. Deep self love, deep God love, deep love with others.

Y – That’s a pretty good description of the real energy and need underlying everyone’s relationship with money. The need is so profound that left unsatisfied, it turns up the shit of greed. Both the need and the greed though point us back to our shared essence which is being at home in love.

W – Where we can never be homeless or go without.

Y – Where even if you lacked shelter, or went hungry, you wouldn’t ever doubt that you were and are loved and deeply cared for, and that every experience that came into your life is guiding you to more of your real you.

W – And an experience that I needed, and that my soul chose, and Okayed….

Y – Yup.

W – Feels like a solemn ending, or pause place for us.

Y – All of this includes light and fun for sure, but heart open and solemn choice and guts is required. It feels like a good note to conclude on or pause on for now, because anyone’s embrace of this is a point of deep choice. Life always brings around choice points, It’s up to us to check the bus schedule and show up.

W – Thank you, Yeshua, for showing up so exquisitely for this series together.

Y – Let’s find other shit to talk about soon.

W – Totally!

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversation with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 19: Money Is Actually Chasing You

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

yeshuamoneymadness

You weren’t born to chase money. You were born to be. From being and rest and stillness was meant to arise your power and trust and true work. Feeling is what returns you to your natural state of being, rest and stillness. Being, rest and stillness moves you naturally towards giving your deepest gifts where gift exchange naturally supports you and your needs in the world. Money is actually seeking you, you were not meant to seek money.

Wayne – Bit of an emergency meeting here, Yeshua, if we can.

Yeshua – Of course we can. What’s up?

W – I know we said we were going to wrap or pause our series on money in order to integrate all that we covered already, and it’s only been a few days, but I miss you….

Y – I miss you too…

W – And I feel a bit of a panic, a small panic, as Jillian and I looked at our money situation yesterday, some new bills came into the picture and it feels tight inside again.

Y – How can I help?

W – I always feel lately how it’s mostly an old conditioning coming from a part of me that is wrestling with what gets kicked up around a money pressure. I’m glad to feel less fusion and more separation between me and that feeling. That helps a lot. But I still want to help this part of me not suffer so much in the journey I’m taking in making choices and changes that directly affect our money flow. I also feel to transparent this too for others who resonate to follow.

Y – Hmmmm…

W – I also want to have more clarity and guidance for any actions that I need to be taking.

Y – What comes to me first is something I’ve learned from you actually.

W – Really, I could use a reminder.

Y – Anything that you encounter in life that triggers a strong feeling reaction simply needs to be felt. Having a feeling felt instead of just having a feeling is the digestion and healing point.

W – Don’t let me stop you…

Y – Let’s go personal instead of mental.

W – Okay.

Y – Tell me what does the money tightness feeling feel like for this part of you?

W – Well, It feels tight, …squeezed, like some of the goodness of life as we know it is seriously threatened to be taken away. The things that I/we like and feel attached too, especially after all the downsizing we’ve recently done. There’s a fear of being forced into difficult or hard circumstances.

Y – Can you just enter the room of this part of you who still feels these reactions and just be in its reality to actually feel this fear, the textures of it, the powerlessness of it, the hurt and pain of the threat of loss? Can you do that right now?

W – As I just let in this parts’ reality to have real time entry into my consciousness and not to be suppressed by any other part of me who would medicate that pain down, I can feel how the powerless feeling is actually connected to my powerful feeling. I can feel a digestion and a moving of the intensity. It’s been moving some overnight, but I needed to be with it consciously and with your input. I can feel this part of me opening out into trust and relaxation and also an arising empowerment.

Y –  This is the real work, Wayne. Chasing money to support a lifestyle that’s been constructed to keep anyone too busy to feel is just that….a medication to not feel. Working for money is a wimp’s way, someone who has been disempowered to navigate their feelings, their choices, and their life.

W – I’m liking the feeling of what you are saying, but I need a contrasting statement to help me fully embrace it. What would an empowered picture look like?

Y – Choosing to be in life where feeling is job number one reconstructs and deconstructs your lifestyle into movement towards your authentic self’s reason and true purpose for being in life. You do the feeling……life and the divine and your authentic self will bring you the choice points and movements that it has been aching for you to take. You weren’t born to chase money. You were born to be. From being and rest and stillness was meant to arise your power and trust and true work. Feeling is what returns you to your natural state of being, rest, and stillness. Being, rest, and stillness moves you naturally towards giving your deepest gifts where gift exchange naturally supports you and your needs in the world. Money is actually seeking you; you were not meant to seek money.

W – Money was meant to find me…

Y – Money was meant to be a means of value exchange. If you are giving your best value to life itself, life is going to keep short accounts and keep them settled. Money is just a handy way of exchanging value. Now money has been so invested with unfelt feelings of scarcity and powerlessness that its utility as a value exchange is being greatly reduced. But all of that is a collective death and rebirth of what having a life really is.

Y – There’s been so much work ethic piled on to the false structures around money that most are simply too busy to feel and be. Life is relentless though in its invitation to feel and be regardless of the stage of anyone’s disconnect.

W – Wow, so being and feeling is what wins out.

Y – You’ve certainly witnessed this time and time again.

W – I know, but old conditioning is done when it’s done I find.

Y – Feel the leading edge of your being holding and feeling the farthest reaches of your trailing edge. Nothing is more rewarding work. Nothing sorts out your relationship to money like it.

W – I think that gives me the Yeshua juice I needed today.

Y – That was easy.

W – You say so much in one way and so little in another, and somehow it all feels held and addressed.

Y – All part of living an earning.

W – Living an earning…?

Y – I live what I’ve earned. I keep doing the heart and feeling work. It rewards me with a consciousness and ability to be in life in surprising ways, and gives me plenty of goodies to trade to get my needs met too.

W – WWYD?

Y – WWWD.

W – 🙂

Y – 🙂

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversation with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 20: Letting Yourself Be Found By Love

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

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You think you are seeking love, which is actually part of your avoidance of love. But, Love is out seeking you. The deal is: can you show up for it? Can you let yourself be found by love?

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey, Wayne. I’ve missed you.

W – Really?

Y – Hey man, I don’t get many takers for what I have to offer. Most can’t take in the message even if they feel they want it.

W – So what is your central message, Yeshua? I’ve been focusing on your message about currency lately, but is there something else you feel is more urgent or needed?

Y – My central message has always been that you are sacred. You are inescapably and hopelessly a part of the Divine. People get excited about me, but what gets me excited is them and their potential, their awakening to their divinity. But from here, my message flows to what’s current. That’s my current-see.

W – Tell me your current-see.

Y – The entire world has entered a huge birth canal in the midst of a great dying. If you can locate yourself as a sacred part of this reality, then you can find meaning and value and safety in the midst of the deepest and swiftest changes humanity has ever collectively witnessed.

W – This is so much more than I bargained for, part of me wants to say…

Y – I get that, and it’s your job to hold that part of you, because how you hold that part of you determines if you are part of what’s being born or a part of what is dying.

W – You get so serious, so fast, Yeshua.

Y – I’m not as serious as I sound actually, in the way you tend to hold seriousness. Death is, in the big picture, in my picture, all a part of life, all too often though with unnecessary suffering. But suffering isn’t something to avoid. Suffering is something to go through. Suffering isn’t suffering.

W – Suffering isn’t suffering???

Y – Not in the way you’ve related to it. Suffering is movement, not static, unmoveable pain. People who avoid their suffering are of all men, most miserable.

W – I like that. That really feels like a guiding light piece, Yeshua. Find the courage to feel our suffering and be moved by it, be changed by it, see where it takes us.

Y – Suffering as part of your personal currency, your personal power. To suffer is to surrender to the birth, not to enter immovable pain.

W – So then, why are we afraid of our own power?

Y – Your own power always takes you to new places. It’s natural for you to be unsure of the new place. It is a fearful thing to complete a life or a phase of life and enter a new one.

W – So we try and settle for the appearance of a static world, where things don’t change.

Y – And all of that energy only serves to propel the changes even faster. You are in life. You chose it. You chose change. That’s baked in the cake. Whether you enjoy this cake or not has to do with how you relate to it.

W – I know I sure want to feel more at home in this great change. Parts of me definitely feel anxious about the outcome.

Y – You can’t BE in the outcome though, so you can’t experience love and true security when you are not present in the moment. It’s in the moment, as in right now and in right now only that you can feel loved and held. Then from there, you can feel secure in knowing that whatever the future brings, you will access love when you get there. Does that help?

W – Yeah,…so when I’m out of the moment, where am I?

Y – You have placed yourself temporarily out of the experience of love’s reach, where pain doesn’t have any traction to move or take you somewhere.

W – So then, I’m actually more afraid of having love than I am afraid of not having it.

Y – People will do anything to escape love, tone it down, manage it, control it.

W – I get that. Now you’ve made curious about what embracing love would look like?

Y – And that my friend, can’t be put into words, it can only be felt.

W – Better felt than telt, the preacher used to say.

Y – Feeling is what makes the world go around.

W – But if you were to try to put it into words, what would you say?

Y – I knew that was coming. I’ll give it a try, as long as you don’t substitute it for the real thing.

W – I’m down with that.

Y – Knowing and feeling love is the point of all life. All of life is a seeking to know love. Even love’s seeming absence and vacuum is giving place to love’s arising. Your cells are programmed for love. You ache for love. You fear love’s loss. You are a love creature. Anytime you can let in love, and lessen your restriction of love’s flow in your heart and life, you experience essence.

W – Letting in love. That’s such a big contrast to the picture that we are out seeking love.

Y – You think you are seeking love, which is actually part of your avoidance of love, but Love is out seeking you. The deal is: can you show up for it? Can you let yourself be found by love?

W – I want to let love find me and never stop finding me.

Y – That’s why you chose to be here at this time. Let your life as you know it now be rooted and grounded in the great death and rebirth. Give what needs to die to the death and what needs to be reborn to the birth. This is the greatest moment of opportunity that humanity has ever witnessed.

W – And our money stuff sorts itself out from there.

Y – Totally. Most of the time, people embrace lesser challenges as a way to hide their hiding from love. But when you let yourself be found by love, everything you create and give energy to is transformed by love’s lodging in you.

W – I get now why I need days between our conversations. You’re a lot to take in.

Y – Just lessen up some on hiding from love, and you should be fine.

W – I’m gonna test drive that today.

Y – Give it a whirl, man. Love and feeling is what makes the world go around.

W – Thanks again, Yeshua.

Y – My god! You’re so welcome!

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversation with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

What It Truly Means To Be Me: Owning My Emotional Reality

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

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By Kathleen Calder

I am here in my emotive, energetic and physical body. I am not here to transcend my reality and I am certainly not here to waste this lifetime on not living into what it truly means to be me.

It took me over two years involved with this SoulFullHeart way of life for it to land, but I finally woke up to something very important during a session yesterday – what makes your authentic self “authentic” is real, in the moment feeling and outing your emotional reality from a grounded place within yourself.

I’ve been under the impression, or perhaps another part of me has, that the SFH Self (what we call the authentic self), is essentially non-reactive and only seems reactive when fused with a part and/or choosing to validate and advocate for a part’s emotional reality. As it turns out, this simply isn’t true. Life isn’t about finally reaching a state of non-reactivity in order to be considered “emotionally matured” and “centred”. It isn’t surprising to me that given how powerful I have felt my own emotional reactions to be that the majority of people in our culture seek some way to invalidate themselves and to only come from a place of “centre” or calm. Stillness lives inside of all of us but refusing to be triggered by others actually doesn’t do us or them any favours.

I remember that a number of years ago I subscribed to the idea that anger is fine depending on how you use it. In other words, I tried to find ways to channel it that didn’t tell anyone I was angry at them directly. I also tried to find ways to just not feel it, but it would eventually find ways to come out. We are meant to flow with our emotions, not build walls around them…and not journal them away either. Journaling can help emotions flow and move in a way, but your journal can’t give you reactions back and help you dig deeper. People can. Life can.

I am not a victim to my feelings, though they haven’t always garnered positive feedback. I am entertaining this new energy of simply owning how I feel in an authentic, no bullshit, in the moment way. What’s sad is that outside of SoulFullHeart it is much harder to trust I will land somewhere, but I am not a victim to that either. Through ongoing work with my parts on my own and in sessions, I am building a deepening trust ground inside of myself. Trusting that all of my reactions are sacred, at least to me, and that there is no greater relief than to let them out responsibly. I have enough emotional healing and maturity now to trust I will not resort to name-calling, though at times there may be a defensive “fuck you” that has to surface. I can hold that. I can also hold my apology afterwards if I hurt somebody, but I also trust that their hurt is good data to them and to me. Hurt and pain is a roadmap meant to surface, not be stashed away for another day or even another lifetime.

Yesterday’s session was a couples’ session with Christopher and I. We have traveled a rocky road together, having had several incarnations of our coupleship over the past year. In some ways we are more solid than ever, but there is still one thing that trips us up – owning and outing how we feel in a vulnerable and authentic way. Parts of us have been wanting to tiptoe around each other still, caretaking one another but also fearing that if we do out how we feel we will no longer have love flowing between us. This is always possible, no matter what, however. So the real cost as I feel it now, is to ourselves and our own healing and growth. If the knife of our words can only be turned inwards, we are poisoning ourselves and there is nowhere for any of it to move and heal. If I do not out how I am feeling about my mate, no matter how “unreasonable” part of me may say it is, I am not honouring my true feelings and they are getting no air. Neither is he. We are in this to react to and trigger each other. We are not in this to “coast” through life, though parts of us would probably prefer that most days.  The cost of that is no deepening intimacy or closeness. The cost of that is an expiry date no matter what, for at this point on our healing paths, there is no way I will stand for stasis for long and he probably won’t either. As scary as it feels to rock the boat, the true cost is “me” if I don’t. My truth and heart get suppressed and my spirits become dampened with a victimhood I have put on myself.

I am here in my emotive, energetic and physical body. I am not here to transcend my reality and I am certainly not here to waste this lifetime on not living into what it truly means to be me. Join me? www.soulfullheart.com 🙂

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.

Reflections From Our Fifteenth SoulFullHeart Group Weekend

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

missionpointhouse

This weekend we held our fifteenth SoulFullHeart group weekend. As always, the group was inspirational, transformational, and full of love and growth for all of us leading and participating in it. It’s amazing to feel that we’ve done this 15 times now over the last two years. This group weekend was held in the new venue that we found, Mission Point House, in Sechelt, BC on the Sunshine Coast. Mission House is a newly constructed, cozy and homey feeling space right on the ocean, nestled inside of a waterfront park that offers some of the most diverse bird watching in Canada.

We discovered the Mission House when we were walking our dog Koda in the park, which is near the RV campground where we are spending a few months settling into our new lifestyle. We had been to the park a few times, yet this was the first time that we noticed the house nestled by the water with shutters over all its windows. I felt drawn immediately and after peeking in all the windows, we confirmed that it was a facility space that was empty yet quite inviting. After doing some research, I found out that it was open for anyone to rent out and at the really reasonable rate of $10 a hour! And this rate included tables, chairs, and full place settings for 30 people.

I feel that the Divine Mother brought us this space, offering it to us after we moved out of our SoulFullHeart house in Gibsons where we had been holding groups previously. This new space and its capacity as a seminar facility inspired our offering of a Experience A New You two day seminar that we are holding there next month, March 22 and 23rd.  You can go here to read more information about the seminar and the beautiful setting where it is located.

The natural magic of the surroundings held us as soft snow fell all weekend, covering the trees and ground with white and inviting us into a stiller and softer place in moments. Bird totems were all around us: the trills of ravens celebrating our energetic and emotional movements and a bald eagle and three hawks gifting us with their presence in a nearby tree. The eagle was especially touching as most of us had never seen one so close up before. The eagle’s appearance coincided with the completion of a process with a part of my husband Wayne, who considers eagle medicine to be a powerful force in his life offering context, vision, and bigger perspective.

As touching as the animal magic was, the most touching aspect of our group weekends is always the connection and community that forms out of vulnerable sharing of parts and their reality. When parts of us can share and be felt in a loving setting, something new arises in our experience of ourselves and with others. Even though I’ve been witnessing this and personally experiencing it for over ten years now, I still find myself in awe at how powerful and touching this process of parts work really is.

Other powerful moments: We received some touching messages from Mother, brought to us through Christopher’s Daemon, outing himself as a messenger of the Divine with bravery and humility. Daemons, the part of us that guards our soul expression and gifts, were able to be felt and express themselves, share more past lives and actually be felt in them and move beyond their previous lifetime experiences of Goddess worship or religious dogma to let in the new frequencies of trust and love with the Divine that SoulFullHeart offers. SoulFullHeart energy healing, which I have previously led, was more community offered this weekend, with everyone learning and growing into their own energy healing gifts (which I feel we all have the capacity to express.) All of us digested that we are in the midst of geographic transition and change with Wayne and I more on the other side of it and the others in the middle of it.

From emotional to energetic to couples’ process to soul healing, there are so many places that we went this weekend and can go in SoulFullHeart, places that we need to go in order to serve the complex heart and souls engaged in the process with us. As I sit here the day after reflecting on our fifteenth group, I feel grateful for what I co-led, facilitated, surrendered into, and experienced in myself and in others the last two days and the people who created and shared this experience with me. And I feel grateful for whatever lies ahead during future SoulFullHeart Groups and beyond…..and for Mother’s continual support for our offering of this way of life that brings us so much joy, purpose, and meaning.

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Jillian Vriend is a co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a  book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

Conversation With Divine Mother: Feeling Our Emotional Needs Underneath Our Frustration

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

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I invite you to feel that, next time you are frustrated: feel what emotional need is not getting met for you and to ask for support.

Jillian: Hello, Mother. It’s been awhile since we’ve talked publically, since my last blog entry in my 60 Days With Divine Mother series.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. Yes, it has been a little while, even though time is not real and I am always with you. I am with you now as I was with you yesterday.

J: Yesterday was a rough day for me and for parts of me. It was a day where it felt like I “woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Huge waves of frustration and irritation. Disconnect and discontent. This is rare for me and I wanted to check in with you about it.

DM: Why did you decide to do this publically?

J: I was reading over some of my previous conversations with you and I was touched by the love flow between us and I missed your energy and presence. It has been harder to feel since we stopped connecting publically almost every day and I wanted it again.

DM: And, to share transparently and publically what a ‘rough’ day feels like for you and how I respond to it?

J: Yes, that’s right. You are ever the teacher, even as you are the student too.

DM: Learning and teaching go heart and heart, not just hand in hand. What would you like me to feel with you, my daughter?

J: It feels like much of the feeling has passed since yesterday after sharing with Kathleen at dinner and also Wayne and I clearing between us. It just felt like part of me was annoyed and irritated with everything around me and also with the small space in the RV that we now live in. She felt suppressed and contained by the small space. She felt rage that life has brought us to this ‘reduced place.’ Even as my experience has been that it doesn’t feel reduced at all, but opened out.

DM: Well, this part has her own emotional reality and I feel why she would feel that way. Would she like to talk with me directly?

J: She says, “ok.” It’s Jill, my inner teenager and healing matriarch part.

DM: Yes, Jill. I am here.

Jill: Hello, Mother. I’ve missed you. I feel tears coming up in the moment as I feel how I’ve missed you.

DM: Does it feel like I haven’t been there?

Jill: I guess, it’s just with not connecting every day like we were, I have felt like you weren’t there. I’m sorry. I should know that you are always there.

DM: Ah, Jill, please don’t apologize for missing me and for not feeling me there. And there aren’t any ‘shoulds’ in my world, sweet one. What was the source of your frustrations yesterday?

Jill: I still don’t know. It reminded me of being in high school and just having ‘foul’ days where everything and everyone annoyed me. I felt that way yesterday. I was fucking tired of living in such a small space. Of sleeping, eating, and writing all in the same bed! I was tired of the cold that we’ve been getting over and not being able to exercise for the last four days. Ah, Mother, I feel like a brat just sharing this with you. With all of the world’s problems and all the people suffering, I sound like a spoiled brat!

DM: Please don’t judge yourself harshly, Jill. Your feelings of frustration were real and comparing your fortune to others to invalidate them blocks me from being able to feel the deeper reasons and source for your frustration. Do you remember what I’ve offered the feeling of frustration is really about?

Jill: I think you’ve said that frustration is an expression of unmet desire and emotional needs. And, sometimes, it is a very reasonable reaction to have, a passionate reaction to injustice, for example. But that wasn’t the case yesterday!

DM: Hmmm, well, maybe not, but what if an unmet desire or emotional need was the root of your frustration?

Jill: I guess that would be a desire for more connection and service with others…our interactions with others have increased recently and it seems like new people might be drawn to and open to SoulFullHeart. I feel a desire for that.

DM: I can feel your desire, yet, it feels deeper than that. Is there an emotional need that hasn’t been getting met for you?

Jill: Well, I can feel a need getting met just in talking with and connecting with you. I can feel your Motherly presence holding me and giving Jillian more heart and energy too. I felt overwhelmed yesterday by what felt like “a lot to do” even though it was mostly cooking, which I like to do. I didn’t feel held by anything bigger yesterday and that I had to do it all, without Wayne’s support either.

DM: So you had an emotional need to feel supported in what you were responding to and doing?

Jill: Yes, that’s it. And I asked for support from Wayne and in journaling with Jillian but I didn’t really let them in when they offered it to me. I didn’t feel like I could trust them really. And the irritation and frustration felt just like what I grew up with as both of my parents tended to have parts that had a low level of irritation brewing at all times, just waiting to explode.

DM: You are moving through a parental piece, Jill. Perhaps getting ready to let in Jillian even more and me as well? Maybe even become a bit younger?

Jill: Oh, well, now that’s a better way to frame it then I was just being a brat.

DM: Jill, your emotional needs largely didn’t get met during your childhood. Your frustration and irritation are a result of that and of absorbing the undigested tones of that from your parents. And they are innocent in another way because they had the same experience with their parents. I invite you to feel that, next time you are frustrated: feel what emotional need is not getting met for you and to ask for support to feel that from Jillian and from me if you want to.

Jill: Ok, Mother, that gives me some power around what is happening. I felt like I was drowning in the irritation yesterday. That gives me a lifeline.

DM: Yes….a heart line.: ) Also, it is not ‘bratty’ to feel that your emotional needs aren’t getting met or that you aren’t satisfied with what you are experiencing. If there is entitlement there, Jillian can help you sort that one out.

Jill: That is so new to the conditioning that most of us receive about our emotional needs, Mother. Very new.

DM: Yes, and I appreciate that you were open to sharing your struggle publically so that I could offer this to others.

Jill: It was so worth it to feel your heart, Mother. Thank you.

DM: You are welcome, dear one. Any time…truly.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a  book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

The Fight for Equality: A Suffering Loop for Femininity

Published on by Kasha Rosa

By Kathleen Calder

Sad businesswoman

…the fight, in and of itself, is masculine in nature and energy and is in fact still placing men above us, keeping us in a suffering loop that we can not get out of.

Women’s suffrage and the political movements that accomplished many things, including women having the right to vote, were important without a doubt. This morning though, I find myself feeling deeper into this question of the inequality between genders and what the battle for women’s equality really feels to be about. I’m feeling in the moment that even calling it a “battle” is actually very masculine. I feel this is actually at the core of all our efforting to be regarded as equal to men…that the fight, in and of itself, is masculine in nature and energy and is in fact still placing men above us, keeping us in a suffering loop that we can not get out of. There are many ways in which trying to achieve a more masculine picture of ourselves actually keeps us down and in a dis-empowered state. Instead of advocating for what makes us different and standing in the power of that, so many of us are still “fighting” what needn’t be a fight at all. Perhaps it is time now for us, as women, to invite the men more into what makes us authentically feminine. We are softer, not weaker. Most hyper-masculine men could use more softness, more vulnerability and a deeper awareness of their own emotionality that has been buried under layers and layers of deep cultural and family conditioning. These are things that we as women, by nature, seem to be more aware of on our own, and yet so many of us try to be braver, tougher, stronger, smarter, all in terms of a false picture of what it means to be “powerful”, which is actually so inauthentic to us (and probably to most men too, if they really felt into it). Real bravery, strength and smarts needn’t come from a picture of what this means from a male perspective. The longer we hold this false image as a benchmark, the longer we will be suffering.

I get and have felt inside myself that within the majority of women there is a deep soul-wounding that comes from many lives of persecution in one way or another, usually with men at the helm leading as the primary persecutors. I would love for us to feel into why we want to do the same sports, receive accolades for similar achievements, lead the same politics and organizations, or have the same role in the family as men. We have different capacities inside ourselves, making us different, not lesser than, this doesn’t look or smell the same as the men we behold on the TV and in our personal lives. Also, why do we want to bend over backwards in order to please men with how we look? I’m not saying I advocate for dressing down on a regular basis and refusing to shave your legs, but I do feel there is a more healthy, much more balanced way to even feel our own attractiveness.

I am still working with a part of me that is self-conscious and sometimes very hard on herself for how we look. There is still some self-image that I am working through with her and some of my other parts, which extends into what they feel makes a woman attractive in many areas. It has been important for me to feel the attention and validation I didn’t get from my father, a key man in my life. Without my dad giving me the love and attention I deserved and needed as a growing young woman, I had a couple years of a more masculine approach in my relationship to men and sex. This is just one example of wounding in my heart that has led to a deep lack of self-worth and decisions that have stemmed from that, often unconsciously in an effort for men to finally “see” me. All part of me wanted was for dad to see me, underneath it all. For a man or even a woman to call me out on what wasn’t really me and also on the ways in which I was fighting my own femininity. With SoulFullHeart, I have finally found men and women who call me back to my heart, and so often the mystery of what is actually real in my heart arises anew again and again, in the shape of desires, wounds, and who I really am in my essence.

I would like to leave you with what Jillian has said a number of times – what the world needs right now, in this state of our evolution, is more Divine Feminine consciousness. This means, in part, more men and women embracing what authentic femininity is. Really it feels to be an arising mystery, but there is something about stepping into this unknown territory that is mystical and feminine in and of itself. What I have felt so far in my own journey with this is that being feminine does not mean that everything is soft and fluffy, though there is definite softness and strength within it. There is also a spine and a fire, yet it is not the same as the male spine and fire. The truth is too, that we need men in their essence to contrast with ours in order to find what true femininity is – embracing a partnership and collaboration between genders for co-empowerment instead of reinstating a power struggle that has lasted for centuries.

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.

Vegan Male: A Contradiction Of Perception

Published on by Gabriel Heartman

2013-10-10 11.18.24

By Christopher Tydeman

“So how was your turkey for Thanksgiving?” asked the cashier with cheery eyes and honest curiosity.

 “Oh, I’m a vegan, so no turkey.” I replied, a part of me couldn’t believe I outed that. But it was true and it felt good to say.

 “So did you have Tofurky?” She asked. That would have been my same question just six months ago.

“No. I actually had veggie dogs with vegan macaroni salad.” A part of me just wanted to crawl out of the store inconspicuously and put a paper bag on his head.

 This ‘voice’ which I recognized as a part of me named Simon said, “So, let me get this straight. You told her you were a vegan AND you didn’t really have a Thanksgiving meal?”

 “Because that is the truth. What is wrong with you?” I asked him, inside my head, of course!

 “Could you out yourself as any weirder?”

 “But it was true. Why is that weird?”

 “A manly man could have heard you and then what?”

 “He would have heard that I was a vegan who had veggie dogs on Thanksgiving.”

 “And?….”

 “Where is this going? And are you losing oxygen with that paper bag you have on your head?”

 “Christopher, men don’t admit they are vegan, especially on Thanksgiving. It’s a thing. You know…a guy thing.”

 “Oh…yes, the guy thing. Right. I forgot. Wait…what’s the guy thing again?”

 “You are seriously going to give me a rash. Thanksgiving is a time to let your inner cave man out, man. Make that sound that Tim Allen made on his TV show….ar, ar, ar! Even if you don’t, you just pretend to. On the down low. You know…hush, hush.”

 “I see what this is about. I went across social masculine norms. Okay, I feel you. So you want me to lie to be accepted.”

 “Thank you for understanding.”

 “That was actually rhetorical.”

 “What?”

 “Simon, I am not going to pretend to be something I am not just to fit in with your perception of everyone else’s perception.”

 “I’ll give you twenty dollars.”

 “Simon, you don’t have money. What is under this concern, Simon?”

 “I guess I am afraid you will be laughed at or judged by other men as not being a man because you chose not to eat animals and other animal by-products. Like you are weird or from another planet.”

 “What if they are weird and from another planet to be eating animals?”

 “Uh…I don’t know how to answer that.”

 “Do you know how many vegan males there are in the world?”

 “Ten?”

 “Simon, You know that isn’t true. More than you or I can possibly know. What if that number grew to ten thousand or ten million?”

 “Then I would feel more comfortable.”

 “Why?”

 “I guess I would feel more a part of a larger crowd. Safety in numbers, I suppose.”

 “I feel your need for safety and acceptance, Simon. That is understandable considering years of social and familial conditioning. It’s not healing overnight. But it is important for me to be who I am for reasons that are mine which are emotional, spiritual, and physical.”

 “I feel where you are coming from. I have some work to do with this. I actually love the food we have been eating. It is just this perception piece. In a way, it feels cool to be a little different. Like the cashier seems genuinely interested in what a vegan eats.”

 “You are intriguing to people, Simon. That is another way to feel into it.”

 “Hmmm…okay. I can feel some coolness in this.”

 After this internal dialogue had been going on, the cashier and I talked a bit about what I eat. She ended by saying, “Well, I think it would be a process for me. You are a brave man.”

 “Did you hear that, Simon?” I asked him as we were headed for the car.

 “ar…ar…ar!”

 “Oh boy.”

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life off and on since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

The Emotional Reasons Why It’s Hard To Give Up Certain Foods

Published on by Jelelle Awen

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To truly be conscious about what we eat is not just about what is going in our mouths, but what is going on in our hearts.

There are many great practical tips and guidelines out there for transitioning from a meat eating or even vegetarian diet to a completely plant-based diet and lifestyle. Lots of wonderful tips for how to give up and find substitutions for your favorite meats and dairy products. I don’t want to just share tips about what vegan foods to eat or great recipes, I want to offer an exploration into an area that I feel is most at root of our food choices but is the one that is least talked about: the emotionally conscious and subconscious reasons that we eat the food that we do.

I introduce this topic in this post about choosing a vegan diet being what I feel is the most emotionally and spiritually conscious choice. I have been working with parts or subpersonalities of myself and with others for over 10 years and I’ve been serving others in various capacities for over 15 years, including a five year career as a certified medical assistant in which I gave dietary advice to cancer patients. Once I began getting to know my own parts, I realized that their relationship to food was deep rooted and often not even conscious to me, until it was.  My inner magical child part called Aurora was the one who was leading the cry and desire to not eat animals anymore.  As a kid, I was not a big meat eater and I remember sitting for hours at the table with ice cold pieces of fish or steak in front of me because I just couldn’t find a desire to eat them and my parents wouldn’t let me leave the table until I did. This is a common practice for parents to do this and one that I feel is blatant emotional abuse, but that’s for another article perhaps.

When I began to connect with my inner child and through the years developed a relationship with her, it became impossible to ignore that I would be actually harming this part of me to eat and prepare meat. I remember having a very strong visceral and emotional reaction inside of me the first time I heard the sound of pigs screaming when they were being slaughtered (sounds just like humans! says Aurora.) One of the journaling questions that we have people engaging in SoulFullHeart ask a part of themselves is, “What is your favorite food and why?” It is an interesting exploration into your emotional consciousness to feel the answer to this question.

The reason for a favorite food usually has to do with a subconscious emotional need or association of comfort related to family or childhood. We receive a huge template related to food choices from our birth families. We are literally ‘at their mercy’ every day and night for most of our childhoods in terms of what we will be fed and what we eat. Most of us have little choice about what we are going to eat or not eat (cold fish swallowed down by warming milk, feeding food to the dog under the table…sound familiar?), so we learn to associate love and emotional needs with certain foods. It amazes me how many times I have witnessed, especially men, share a process around how they felt their mothers loved them through the foods that she would prepare for them. This may have been the only source of affection and love they received from their mothers, so it leaves a very deep emotional impression. My husband Wayne has felt this very deeply in parts of himself, including his inner child. So, if your mother fed you meat and that equaled love and attention and emotional needs getting met to part of you, wouldn’t it make sense that it would be really difficult for parts of you to give it up? Or milk and cookies after school? Or a big turkey on thanksgiving?

This is where emotionally conscious negotiation with parts of yourself comes in. Through journaling with your parts and sharing this with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, we feel the relationship that parts of you have with certain foods, what you experienced in your childhood around food, and support you to become more emotionally conscious about what you are eating connected to your feelings. We also offer body health and nutrition sessions which aren’t just focused on your physical body but also connected to your emotional process and your parts. We have seen this offer much deeper and permanent results for people because its working at the level of physical consciousness and emotional consciousness.

People commonly talk about ‘comfort eating’ or how they are ‘emotional eaters.’ I am offering that we are all emotional eaters to the degree that it is predominately subconscious to us. This is why diet programs so often don’t work for people. This is why facts and data about animal violence in raising meat, the environmental impact, and the health benefits still don’t get people to change what they are eating to a vegan diet. This is why most of the diseases that people suffer from can be traced back to diet. One of the very few things that we can completely and totally control in our worlds is what we eat or don’t eat. And parts of us like to make big (subconsciouslly motivated) statements with that control. Until we can consciously feel what our relationship truly is to the foods we eat, we are literally in the dark about why we eat what we do and how to change it. Unless another part of us comes in and uses will power or self righteousness or even self image or peer pressure to change our food choices, but none of these motivations is actually a self loving and emotionally healthy reality. To truly be conscious about what we eat is not just about what is going in our mouths, but what is going on in our hearts.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, writer of books and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. She has been serving others in various capacities for over ten years. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Sacred Re-Birthday

Published on by Gabriel Heartman

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By Christopher Tydeman

In each of us, we hold a sacred human seed.  An embryo, if you will.  There is not one person that does not have it, as we are all a part of All That Is.  Our destiny is to manifest, give birth, to this divine child within us.

Yesterday was my birthday.  I reread my blog from last year and felt the emotional place I was in.  It was a time of major change in my life, as it is again this year.  Last year I was birthing into a new relationship with myself, SoulFullHeart, a mate, and the Divine.  This year the same statement is true, just on a deeper ground.  Last year, I was letting go all I was.  This year I am letting in all I am.

The birthing process in SoulFullHeart is not a simple task.  It can be a very trying time for the part of us that is resisting the Divine flow of growth and change.  The level of pain is equal to the level of resistance.  A part of me says, “You make it sound like torture!”  This is not a physical pain that I refer to, but an emotional period of letting go and letting in.

In each of us, we hold a sacred human seed.  An embryo, if you will.  There is not one person that does not have it, as we are all a part of All That Is.  Our destiny is to manifest, give birth, to this divine child within us.  It is always striving for this as a plant is drawn toward the sun.  It will not be denied.  Does that sound like fate?  It does to me, but the rate of that growth and the choice to bloom rest solely in our sacred authority.

There is a Divine paradox in that.  I have a destiny, for which I won’t be denied, but get to choose how and when I want that to unfold.  Fate and freewill.  When we are awakened to this truth within us, there comes a time when we have to make a challenging choice. Do we resist this growth and stay stuck in our painfully protective shell, or do we move through a temporal pain (or “pane” as in window pane) to be born into a bigger more expansive place, with more air and more light?

The scary part is that we have no clue what lies on the other side of that birth canal, just as a baby doesn’t when they exit the womb.  In that moment there is the Mother, our Mother, who is waiting with Her blanket of love to wrap you up and help you feel it will all be okay.  You are surrounded by others in a soulful-hearted family who have been there too, and will welcome you into your reality and emotional consciousness with open arms and hearts.  This is your first sacred SoulFullHeart birthday.  Welcome home.

 Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life off and on since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com