Tag: SoulFullHeart Healing Process

30 Days With My Parts: Day 1- Parts Work As A Training Ground For Leadership

Published on by Gabriel Heartman3 Comments

cflyer2

Day 1

 I was invited by Jillian and Wayne to begin my own 30 day outing. In the next 30 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part. Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon. And Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part. Peter, my magical child, may find his way sometimes too! I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable.

This is all a big unknown, but one thing that is known is that it is me putting myself out into the world and that is scary as hell for some of my parts. This is a crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart.

You have the gifts, the power, and the love to be a sacred human. Each experience helps you to remember that. This is a process of uncovering, relearning, and remembering. Healing is the key. All experience is an opportunity to heal. Feel that daily and you have a gift that keeps on giving.

Christopher: Good morning, Mother.

Divine Mother: Blessed morning to you, my sweet Christopher

C: I get all goofy when you call me that.

DM: : ) That feels sweet. You have a beautiful heart, my dear. But in your tenderness don’t forget your spine, my courageous son.

C: Thanks, Mother. I do desire to feel more oomph in my body. More penetration.

DM: There is some healing with Nathaniel that will help with that. You have a warrior’s heart, my love. Not a soldier, but a warrior. Big difference.

C: I would love to feel that this lifetime.

DM: Keep on with your healing and it will come.

C: Okay. Patient persistence.

DM: Yes.

C: That helps with what I had been meaning to ask you about in regards to my next phase. There is a LOT that is going to happen daily for me as I draw a job and work with these new parts.

DM: It can feel overwhelming when you hold all of that once. Feels like Simon that does that. He may need some quick check-ins about the order of the day so he can rest.

C: Yeah. He really needs to have some idea of the day. Thank you for bringing that to me.

DM: Everything you experience, be it rest or tension, has a sacred purpose. You are arising, my dearest Christopher. You have the gifts, the power, and the love to be a sacred human. Each experience helps you to remember that. This is a process of uncovering, relearning, and remembering. Healing is the key. All experience is an opportunity to heal. Feel that daily and you have a gift that keeps on giving.

C: Wow. Thank you, Mother. I feel these words as so true and powerful, yet I seem to let go as quickly as I read them.

DM: You could write them down somewhere so you see them.

C: Yeah, I could. That feels like what I did during my positive affirmation phase. Blah!

DM: I feel them as words of wisdom not to be taken for granted.

C: I like that. That feels more grounded to me. Thank you.

DM: It is all really for Simon to see. You know all this stuff. He needs your help to bring him along. I feel desire in him. He just needs a leader.

C: Wow. Another wow. I never felt it that way. My parts work is the training ground for leadership. That reminds me of Wayne and Yeshua’s blog about leadership.

DM: Yes, indeed. And you posting your journal work with your parts is another act of leadership. You are helping others see what parts work can do for healing and transformation.

C: It feels vulnerable though.

 DM: True leadership requires vulnerability, Christopher.

 C: Gotta walk the walk if I plan on talking the talk.

 DM: Well said.

 C: Okay. I feel like using this as my first post would be a great springboard.

 DM: Be my guest. Your parts won’t feel like the first to be outed. I will clear the path and they will follow your heart.

 C: Thank you, Mother.

 DM: No, thank you, my love. Now, I believe you have a date with a special lady?

 C: Yes, I do. How do I look?

 DM: You may want to change out of your Pjs, though she may find that charming.

 C: Right. Good idea.

 DM: : )

Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Admitting Your Apathy To Find Your Compassion

Published on by Kasha Rosa7 Comments

silhouette_at_sunset-sad.117120037_std

I couldn’t blame myself or part of me for not caring anymore. So many years of bullshit and suddenly realizing how much of that I shoveled on myself, let alone on my relationships with others. I had years of trying to stand out from my birth family, declaring myself to be the “black sheep”, which is true in many ways but was a declaration that led to much entitlement around what I should and should not have to experience and be vulnerable around in my life. I did the same with virtually all of the people around me, family or no, setting myself apart from everyone, somehow and someway.

My daemon, out of painful, held deep disdain towards humanity made sure of this. He wanted me to be driven towards a fame trajectory. It was rooted in the performing arts for a time, but was also about becoming a spiritual guru of some sort. It was my dream (or part of me’s dream) for many years to become an author and speaker, engaging audiences from a stage and maybe even reading them out as a psychic/medium. The invulnerability of the desire I held to do and be this is only coming to light now. The deep-seated apathy underneath it all is being revealed, inch by inch. Luckily my daemon, Gideon, is willing to be open and vulnerable in sharing with me his experience with this, wanting to heal and move it, which is big for an awakening Daemon.

Now when I feel my old desire to be an important figure in the “self-help” industry, I am feeling with Gideon, in real time, some of the layers he detects are really at play in a business climate that is supposed to be about “love and light”. While there is genuine work being offered out there that isn’t all about transcending your pain, much of it still is. This is what keeps people coming back for more. They get hooked like a child on sugar. If you don’t keep going back to these dealers and spending money on books, seminars, etc, you find yourself back in the same ditch you started in. This happened to me.

I recall going to the I Can Do It! Conference presented by HayHouse year after year for about 4 years in Toronto, Ontario. While there were and are some genuine hearts and minds who write and speak there, I can feel how I was caught up in “seeking” and not ready to be found. I wanted re-frames and a more positive spin on what I was facing and actually not really feeling my way through in my life, especially around romance and discovering my own psychic gifts. In other words, it became medication I had to keep renewing my prescription for. Part of me wanted to be told, “you’re okay!” when she really didn’t feel that way. I call this part “Katie” – my main way of interfacing with the world until very recently.

My daemon at the time was happy to keep bringing her more messages of, “you’re okay, you’ll get through this and you will be one of those authors on that stage someday. You’ll have found your soul family and you will never have to have the normal human life that so many around you have resigned themselves to. You’ll finally be seen and loved”. These words were like honey and they kept me fed for many years. But…how can holding a goal about being “seen and loved” still be about being in genuine service to others? It doesn’t feel like it can because then it’s ultimately about you. This isn’t true compassion and honestly it isn’t hard to feel how many healers on stages care more about being seen than they do about helping people, though they do offer some moving and helpful experiences to others at times. Many of them, if you read their bios, had very painful lives prior to finding their “gifts”. Pain they were never felt in and therefore couldn’t move through. Pain their daemons use as an excuse to keep taking over their lives and avoiding the real work of healing yourself so you can actually serve and heal the world in a real way…which isn’t necessarily a famous or glamorous way, either.

I have recently been feeling where Gideon holds apathy about my/his own healing, let alone anyone else’s. Apathy towards humanity and fully inhabiting life as a sacred human. Beneath the apathy is real, heartfelt care that isn’t pretty or glamorous but is beautiful and emerging all the same. Kind of like a newborn baby covered in gook. At least that’s the image I’m being offered in the moment. Like that newborn baby, there is real pain and tears that come with that whole package. It’s all being held in my personal connection with the Divine and with my SoulFullHeart facilitators supporting me. I can feel the layers I must heal through in order to continue letting in real love from myself to myself primarily.

If I don’t start there, there is no overflow of love to offer others. This is the real work they don’t tell you about at most conferences and seminars. What I feel to leave you with, whether you identify as a healer or seeker or whatever label, is that it’s important to find your apathy. You don’t need to make it “bad”, but feel where it comes from and why it’s there. Nothing feels more toxic, degrading or destructive than offering false care to yourself and others, no matter how many books you sell. You and I can’t help the world if we don’t face this truth and, in fact, we will only create new problems and perpetuate current ones if we don’t.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Are You A Spiritual Student Or A Seeker?

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

 

letting-go-of-a-relationship

The problem with modern spirituality is there are too few people open to truly being students and too few teachers self qualified to authentically serve them.

I spent many years as a student, dedicated and fully committed to one teacher and teaching. I didn’t realize at the time how unusual this was. They were aspects of my teacher and that relationship that ended up being off and based in shadow, just like any committed relationship has healthy and unhealthy aspects. But if I hadn’t committed myself to that teacher, I simply would not be who I am now, in the nourishing relationship that I am, and serving others through SoulFullHeart.

I’ve been offering my way of life and myself as a teacher and healer for the last few years and I’ve met many people who claimed to be ‘seekers’ along the way, initially drawn to what I was offering. Whenever someone would claim to be a ‘seeker’, I wanted to ask them, “You are a seeker? So, when will you let yourself be found?” It seemed that these seekers were deeply afraid of committing to just one thing, just one teacher and teaching. They wanted to float around and sample off the buffet bar of spiritual offerings. They wanted to read books (especially ‘best selling’ ones) or attend yearly seminars and retreats. And they expected that this minimal activity would actually bring them the rewards of bliss, joy, serenity and deep love that they felt entitled to receive. Instead of trusting their intuition that brought me to them as a teacher, they wanted someone else to legitimatize a teacher for them (a publishing company, Oprah Winfrey, Louise Hay, etc.) Popularity does not qualify a teacher and might actually disqualify a teacher, but that’s for another blog entry.

Many modern seekers seem to have a short attention span and are looking for the next shiny object to latch onto. They are a product of a modern world where facebook “likes” mean more than meaningful relationships; where spiritual experiences are expected not revered; and where negative emotions have been villianized and positive emotions over idealized. They don’t want to actually work at transformation or to feel anything negative as a crucial aspect of their growth process, so part of them projects them into an idealized place where they can claim to feel bliss and love for everyone all of the time without actually doing the work that would awaken them to a state where this might be possible.

My truth is that this is not what we are meant to experience as sacred human children of the Divine. The Divine wants to experience Itself through us, both in male and female form, and why would it only want to experience the light and loving expressions of Itself? Pretty boring, wouldn’t you say? It is both the light and dark, the shadow and the love that interest the Divine. The textures, the depths, the struggles and the triumphs, the ebbs and flows, the ups and downs. A student of the Divine is a student of life in all its areas of expression and all its highs and lows. And as you become a true student of the Divine and of an authentic teacher of the Divine, then you arise into your sacred human nature which is an arising and unknown wonder that can respond to the ups and downs with an open heart. You experience deep connection with the Divine that is both challenging and comforting; catalytic and solid; full of contrasts and paradoxes and fundamentally conditional on you continuing to heal yourself.

I am a teacher because I have been a student and I continue to be a student of the Divine and will for the rest of my lifetimes. I am a teacher who deeply wants to draw true students, students who will wrap around what I have to teach and still retain their centers. Students who will surrender to learning and not knowing and, at the same time, hold that they are also meant to be teachers someday. Students who will accept the challenge, do the work, and commit to me, the Divine, and themselves. Students who will own if they feel resistance to being students and why.

Here are some more distinctions about a student versus a seeker for you to feel into:

A seeker thinks that a paradigm shift is all that is needed; a student recognizes that it is just the beginning.

A seeker is afraid of commitment; a student lets themselves be claimed.

A student wraps around a teacher while remaining in their own center; a seeker gives complete devotion to a teacher while remaining without a center.

A student allows ALL areas of their life to offer sacred experience; a seeker makes certain areas of their life more sacred than others.

A student wants to filter experience through what they don’t know; A seeker wants to filter experience through what they know.

A student admits they do not know and do know at the same time; a seeker attaches to what they know and what they think others know.

A student draws a teacher who reflects to them their own bigness, not just the teacher’s bigness.

A student accepts the light and the dark; a seeker seeks for the light while suppressing the dark.

A student feels the inner teacher inside of themselves; the seeker denies the inner teacher inside of themselves.

A student accepts that whatever they experience in the moment is the reward; the seeker justifies what they experience in the moment to receive a reward in the future.

A student is destined to become a teacher; a seeker is destined to become unfulfilled.

A student gets that being a student is the hardest but most natural thing. A seeker believes that being a seeker is easy and is supposed to be.

A student is open to their feelings as being an aspect of Divine expression; a seeker is open only to feelings that they feel as ‘positive’ or ‘serene’ as Divine expression.

A student is asking ‘who am I?’ and answering ‘I am that’ at the same time.

A student humbly understands that they are entitled to nothing but are worth having what most deeply serves them; A seeker feels entitled to manifest everything that they want yet don’t really believe they deserve it.

A student surrenders; a seeker submits.

A student is both investing and divesting; a seeker is investing looking for a return.

A student is patient, understanding it takes many lifetimes to arise and unfold and all experiences bring growth. A seeker is eager and impatient, feeling that everything they want should be given to them now and that only positive experiences are valuable.

When will you stop seeking and let yourself be found?

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Who is appearing as a teacher in your life that you are resisting leaning into? If you are reading these words right now, perhaps it’s SoulFullHeart.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

From Wounded to Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

innerchild

The term ‘inner child’ has been around for decades now and most people are familiar with the concept of getting to know the part or aspect of yourself that holds your childhood energy and emotional tones. Because of this familiarity in mainstream culture, people have been more understanding about when we mention that we feel the wounded child in them who, over time and with being felt by them and by us, heals to become frequencies of their magical child.

While the inner child can be suppressed in terms of establishing a….ah well, my magical inner child named Aurora says all this mental stuff is quite boring. She says that the inner children in people aren’t so brainy, logical or rational. They want to have fun! They want to explore! They want cookies! (well it depends on the magical child but this seems to be a universal thing.)

Let me ask Aurora if it’s OK if I share now for a bit and I’ll try not to be so mental about it.

She says, ‘fine’ and, ‘la la la’ and, ‘where’s koda (her dog) so I can pet him?’

Aurora offers me an important reminder though as I’m sitting here trying to think my way through writing an article about this part of ourselves. To not be so in our minds. To enjoy the moment. To truly let in the joy that things we love bring us, whether it is our partners, our pets, our kids, our favorite foods, or our favorite activities. They reconnect us with our innocent and pure essence that we had as children, which got covered over as we grew up by layers of strategy, emotional congestion, and unfelt trauma. They also hold soul expression and gifts as well, especially as they heal and start expressing more of their magical aspects. Some examples are ability to communicate with animals, deep respect and connection with the natural world, psychic capacities including ability to see auras, communication with spirit-based entities in a natural way, natural resonance with the non-dual aspect of reality, etc.

I first felt my inner child when I began a parts differentiation process almost ten years ago. I first found the tone of my “hurt part” through journaling sentence completions “I feel hurt whenever…” The voice and emotional tones of my hurt young part came through very clearly and she called herself Evie. She felt sweet to me but also very heavy and very, very sad. Lonely too. When I asked her to describe the world she lived in, she shared in amazingly accurate detail the bedroom I had when I was in fourth grade, including the canopy bed that I had loved and forgotten about as an adult.

Evie was “stuck” in my bedroom, feeling sad and lonely because my parents had gotten divorced during that time and she was still traumatized by it. Because she hadn’t been felt in a deeply empathetic and heart open way by my parents at that time, she represented the part of me that was still subconsciously wounded and stuck there. And this part of me was subconsciously playing out this pain, sadness, and loneliness in my relationships, especially my romantic ones. Once I became conscious of her through regular journaling dialogues with her, I felt her energy and sadness lighten up considerably. I shared this writing with my facilitators in a group circle and felt her relief and joy at being with a group of such “nice people.”

She also ‘dropped in’ during a few groups to talk directly with my facilitators. Dropping in is not like hypnosis, you are completely conscious and aware of what is happening. You just let this part of you that you have been getting to know through journaling talk to and be felt by other people. I’ve witnessed and facilitated this dropping in process many, many times over the years and I am amazed at how natural, organic, easy, and affective it is for people. And I love it when a serious-looking older man or woman drops into their inner child and becomes animated, young-feeling, and so sweet!

There’s much more I could write about the benefits of getting to know your magical child, yet I’ll let Aurora finish this article out, which seems appropriate.

“Hi! You know my name is Aurora, already. Jillian is right. When she started talking to a different version of me called Evie, I was a very, very sad girl. I felt lots of hurts and didn’t feel like, even though I liked it, that I would ever leave that bedroom. There were lots of barbies and stuffed animals to play with but I was too sad back then to play. But, Jillian is a good mom and we also have the big mom too (the Divine Mother), so I feel happy now almost all the time. Sometimes, especially if Jillian’s daemon Morgaine is around, I’ll go rest or go play somewhere for a while. But also I’ll come out when Jillian goes to the beach with Koda (my favorite thing to do!) or we’ll cook together or watch “Once Upon A Time” which has a evil queen in it but it also has a little boy in it who is also a magical child. I also like the movie, “Babe” very very much. So my life is really good and I have friends too now in the parts like me that Wayne and others have gotten to know. I think you’d like it too. There’s too much serious adult stuff going on and, lots of times, you adults aren’t doing a very good job of it. If you could feel your little boy or girl inside, you probably wouldn’t hurt each other anymore or be so greedy or work so much or be in yucky relationships or hurt children or kill animals.”

Thanks, Aurora, and I just wanted to add that this part of you is already expressing in your life and establishing a conscious connection with them is usually a fairly easy process that we facilitate through journaling dialogue and individual and group sessions. Much easier than getting to know the more strategic and image-based part that we call a persona part and protector-controller, whose job it is to hide, maneuver, and manage perceptions.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Shame Spiral: A Part’s Journey

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

spiral-hands

*Note: The following was written by a part of me named Simon. This part of me has been my self-image, my presentation and interface with the world.

 Since I can remember, I have always had a voice in my head that said I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t “man” enough, wasn’t creative enough, the list goes on. Always comparing myself to that which I felt I lacked. “I will never be as confident as THAT person. I could never be as creative as them. Who am I kidding?” The irony I am learning is that those qualities I felt I lacked, are the very ones I might possess in spades. I would get frustrated with myself and then cap my passion sending me into a shame spiral. A flat-lined version of myself.

 The well-intended responses from friends and family never seemed to reach me, either because I just wouldn’t let them in, or they only scratched a surface. I needed someone who had been there. Someone who knew the texture and geography of the feeling space so as to guide me through the pain and not just mask it over. This has been Jillian and Wayne. They have given me space to express my spiral, to see it differently, and to feel through it rather than go around it. It is difficult for others to really go to the place I need to go, because they are afraid of what I might do, or afraid of their own spiral and reluctance to go there. Only when someone has been there and healed it healthfully can you be felt emphatically.

 A song that has come up that I resonate with is Alanis Morisette’s Spiral. The lyrics reflect this mechanism inside that has existed my whole life and maybe other lives. I remember early on in my process I heard this song and I wept as it struck a heart cord. I have come back a few times to this space and wondered why I was feeling this again. Hadn’t I healed this already? I am realizing healing has its own spiral. Each time I heal it moves, but may come back again for whatever purpose to heal again, and again, and again. I have learned that if I do not reach out for help, I get stuck in a suffering loop. Much different than a spiral. In the loop, you feel stuck. Unmoved. Anchored in a pile of shit. I don’t like that feeling. I need to stop the spiral and the only way to do that is to out it when I feel it. I need to out when I have been hurt or when I am angry or when I don’t feel good enough.

 To some that may be a “no brainer”. But for me, it has been a challenge for my own reasons. My life filled with experiences that felt like they cemented that voice with steel barbs. I know that being public with those experiences would be a vulnerable act but I am not there yet. Just doing this is vulnerable enough. I start with today and feel what I am feeling, and then move on to tomorrow and repeat. That is my process. The beginning of my journey. I want to say that if you too feel anchored in a pile of shit and are sinking in it, ask for help. Talk to someone that you feel safe to talk to. Contact Jillian and Wayne and SoulFullHeart. Do Something. Don’t let it stay there. It does you no goddamned good.

 I wanted to leave with the video and lyrics to Alanis’ song and hope they move you as they do me:

“Spiral”

I could be daydreaming but for a moment
And somehow they’re creeping back in
I could be sleeping awakened the torrent
Somehow I get caught in their grips again

And here I am in my shame spiral
I’m sucked in to it again
And I reach out for your benevolent opinion
And you bring the light back in

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

I could be listening to a conversation
The story I’m not even in
These voices have their way when I am unguarded
Suddenly I step in quicksand again

Once again in my shame spiral
I am glad that you’ve weighed in

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

All these judgements, so incisive
Voices left to their devices
This moments narratee is a desperate plea
For slack to be cut to me
Cut to me

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and to find out about our life assessment session offered over the phone or in person.

Entering Your Inner Garden Of Eden

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

 

adamandeve

Imagine…

You’ve signed up for a space exploration program. You are going to visit a recently discovered planet. You’ve been told that it is very similar to life on Earth- same atmosphere, same carbon-based life forms with humans as the most conscious on the planet. However, unlike the current difficult conditions on Earth, on this new planet all species live in harmony with each other, collaborating and cooperating in a balanced way that preserves the environment, provides for every creature’s basic needs, and allows all inhabitants to survive and thrive. Let’s call this world “utopia” as that term already has an association for most of us as an ideal and perfect place.

The Utopians look like humans, but the similarities end there. When you meet your first one, a woman, shortly after landing on their planet, you are struck by how clear her skin is and how radiant her energy. It’s like she is glowing from the inside out. Her body is healthy and vital. Her movements are fluid and relaxed; she feels grounded and centered in her female body.

Beyond the physical differences, you immediately notice that her language is different when she greets you and welcomes you to her world. This Utopian woman, let’s call her Eve, asks you if parts of you feel ok if she gives you a hug to welcome you to her world. You aren’t sure what she means but, suddenly, you’d like very much to receive a hug from this vital and warm woman. She embraces you and you feel a warm and loving energy spread from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes.

“Your energy is a bit lacking and heavy,” She says, looking you deep in the eyes and smiling. “I can feel how it’s been hard for parts of you to leave the home that they know. But, please know that we will provide the space for them to be felt by us in these reactions. They, and you, are welcome here.”

You don’t know what she means by “parts of you” but, again, you are reassured by her mere presence and the gentle yet firm way she holds your hand. You begin to suspect that the warmth coming from her hand is helping you feel more relaxed and energized at the same time, yet you aren’t sure how that could be.

A Utopian man comes up; we’ll call him Adam (of course!), and puts his arm around the woman. “I see Eve has you in good hands,” he says, laughing at his own joke, flashing beautiful white teeth and a spontaneous smile that has you laughing and smiling along with him. Still grinning, he looks you deeply in the eyes and repeats Eve’s welcome. “It might take parts of you awhile to acclimate to being here,” he says, suddenly more serious.

He studies you some more and tears spring into his eyes. “I feel the pain that is in in your heart; I feel how parts of you are afraid. What I want to remind you is that this is how things were meant to be for you. How it is here. Not like where you come from. This is how things were meant to feel.”

Tears start streaming down your face, seemingly against your self control. You don’t understand why his words hurt and feel comforting at the same time. Your mind can’t comprehend really anything that he is saying or what it means, but it feels good to feel his eyes on you and to see the tears of understanding in his eyes.

“I’m feeling you,” he explains, taking your other hand in his. “This is what it feels like to be felt by someone who can feel you. Your parts are drinking it in. The tears are a sign of their defenses melting. You and they need much, much more of this. It was what you were meant to have.”

You nod, again, not sure what it is that you are agreeing to. Yet, you are here with Adam and Eve, bright sun shining on your skin, birds chirping in the background, waves crashing against the shore as you stand on a pristine, white sand beach, feeling the warmth of their hands on yours, feeling their tears as they focus only on you, feeling the love so easily coming from them to you. This does feel like how it was meant to be. This does feel like home.

Adam and Eve walk you to an airy and spacious one room hut made of bamboo and dried palms. There’s an open living space with a kitchen, living room, and sleeping area. It’s cozy, warm, and right on the beach so you can still hear the waves outside. It is decorated in natural fabrics, shells from the ocean, with healthy and vibrant plants tucked in every corner and big cushy pillows on the floor in the living area.

They tell you that they’ll be back in a couple of hours, so you may take this time to relax, rest, and adjust to your new environment. They point out that there is a journal and a pen on the nightstand by the bed if you want to check in with any of your parts about the journey and how they are feeling.

“What do you mean by ‘checking in’?” You ask them as you sit down on one of the cushions on the floor, feeling that same sense of confusion yet familiarity.

Adam and Eve smile and look at each other with empathetic grins, then back at you. “We’ll explain it all to you after you’ve rested more. But, we won’t need to explain much because this will all be natural for you. After all, it’s what you were…”

“Meant to do,” you finish their sentence.

“Yes! You are getting it!” exclaims Adam, flashing his wide grin again. Eve nods happily and exits, leaving Adam standing in the doorway. He gazes at you intensely again, seeming to look straight into the heart of you, peeking at your insides in a focused yet loving way.

“So, why don’t parts of you believe in God?” he asks, his tone innocent and curious, no judgement in his tone that you can feel.

You sigh, memories of Sunday mornings spent in church or synagogue or at temple running through your mind. You remember boredom, disconnect, and an underlying feeling of wrongness about yourself related to God. Or, you have no connection to God at all. It’s a blank canvas, nothing written or imprinted.

“Part of me hates the God of religion,” you answer, using their language despite yourself. Well, using “part of me” seems appropriate in this case because of course not ALL of you feel this way.

Adam nods, as if he deeply understands. “Yes, part of me hates the god of your religions too. Not a God that I would want to get to know.” He moves across the room and sits by you on the cushions laid out on the floor. “We don’t have religions here. We have only experience of That Which Made Us. Our Creator. It is our Mother and our Father. Both.”

“Our religions only have a male God. Our Father. And male prophets too.” Bitterness has crept into your tone. You don’t know where it’s coming from.

Adam looks confused, but you can tell that he is trying to understand and feel where your pain comes from. “But, that would exclude half of your people from having a Creator that matches their own face and bodies! That would make women feel as if they were less than men! As if only men were worthy to be represented by Creator! That would make men feel as if they were better somehow than women. Or that they would have a right to control or dominate the women! And, putting a male face on Creator would make It seem like a human rather than That Which Made Us All!”

You nod sadly, feeling sorry that his grasping of your reality is tainting his own sense of joy and goodness. You begin to worry that you will cause him pain somehow by bringing your life into his.

He picks up what you are feeling and takes your hand. “It’s ok. For the part of you that wants to take care of me, I want to tell it that I am fine. My trust and connection with my Creator runs very deep. Yes, I am shocked and feel very passionate about the picture of your religions being off and hurting many people in its distortions. But, I am here to offer you and any others who would like to receive it, a new experience of their Creator which is not like this one at all. Would you like this?”

You swallow a lump in your throat. It has been a long time since you have felt any longing for God. Or, maybe you have been a spiritual seeker for a long time but have abandoned the idea of a creator and embraced the non-dual or sagely teachings this life. Or, you are connecting to God despite the picture of religion and understand exactly what he is offering. Although you probably wouldn’t be reading this if you did.

“Yes, I would like this,” you say, tears beginning to fall again. “Part of me is afraid of it. Part of me feels very angry at the religion’s God, as I said before. And part of me…maybe this is me, feels very much like the Creator you describe is what I was meant to experience.”

“Yes, it is,” Adam says, wiping away your tears with his hands. “This, as all things, will be negotiated with your parts at a rate and pace that you and they can bear. This is the mercifulness of my Creator and especially the Mother’s face of the Creator. She holds us as we feel our pain and makes it possible for us to bear it. She wipes our tears and She will help you get to know the most sacred and precious aspect of you called your Daemon or Soul Guardian. This part of you will become your collaborator, your muse, your pipeline to Divine guidance, and help you open up access to your soul gifts. As you feel this Daemon part of you, you help it heal from past life pains and traumas. It needs your human heart and compassion in order to heal.”

You nod, as if you have any idea what he is talking about. But, again, it just all sounds right even if the words are foreign. Mother’s Face of the Creator. Daemon. Past lives.

“Is there a young part inside of me too?” You ask, already knowing that there is. You have heard of the idea of having an “inner child” and this is something that you’ve felt inside of yourself in response to doing fun things or eating particular foods from your childhood. Or you’ve felt this part in response to your own children.

“Of course, yes,” says Adam, gazing at you again. “This part of you is very sweet. Very innocent in its’ nature. Yet, also, it is in much pain and very shy. This part of you suffered much in your childhood and your caretakers, even if they love you very much, weren’t able to feel you while you were experiencing those pains. So those pains get stuck at certain ages and places. This young part of you may actually be several parts stuck in different times because the pain was not able to be digested by you and so it remains subconsciously stuck there.”

“Do you have parts? Or were you felt by your caregiver while you were feeling things?”

Adam looks down for a minute, as if contemplating how to answer. Then, he looks up, more serious again. “Eve and I are the first of our kind. We are the only humans on Utopia. This is why we’ve invited people from your world to join us, even though we can feel how different we are from you right now. Our Creator has guided us to bring others this picture of life that we were just born into. Our Creator offers that some people will respond to it and come along although it will be much harder for you because you will need to heal from the pains that you brought with you rather than just your reactions in the moment, as Eve and I do.”

You realize now that there were no other Utopians to greet your ship as it landed. Only Eve and then Adam came along soon after. You realize that you have not seen any other Utopians since you have arrived there. You realize that actually there were no other people from Earth who came along with you on your journey. You were the only one who answered the call for adventure, journey into the unknown, and took the risks that that choice required of you. You feel a rush of loneliness and homesickness, suddenly thinking of your family. Or maybe your children. Or your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend.

“You and Eve must feel so lonely!” You exclaim, again feeling an impulse to take care of this wonderful and strange man that you’ve just met.

Adam gazes at you. “Yes and no,” he says. “Our love and connection with each other is very deep and rich. We are individuals as our Creator intended us to be. Yet, our intimacy ground, our “usness” as we like to call it, is a third entity that we both serve love to and respond to on a moment by moment basis. I do not own Eve nor does she own me. We have a commitment to serve love in the moment, that is all. We do not understand what you call “marriage contracts.” You cannot guarantee something such as love. It arises or it does not. You cannot control it. You can open your heart to let in more or you can feel where you do not feel connected in love anymore.”

You are amazed by his description of love and intimacy as it is so different than the mainstream picture of marriage, divorce, and expectation of lifelong commitment and staying together no matter how unhappy you are. Yet still, he admitted to being lonely even with his connection with Eve?

“Yes, Eve and I felt a growing desire to share our love and goodness with others. To invite, as I said, others into our garden of love and invite them to eat the fruit of the Creator’s love with us.”

You are suddenly reminded of the Garden of Eden and the serpent and the apple and original sin. You are reminded of the fall of humanity from the grace of God. You are reminded of Original Sin and the twisted way that religion has presented the very thing that you are now being invited to become part of.

“That story has indeed been twisted,” says Adam, seeming to read your mind. “The garden of Eden is not a place, although where you are now comes close. The Garden of Eden lives inside of your heart. It lives as a seed, planted inside of you by your Creator. Planted inside every person as a reflection of the sacred human essence for which we are all made is the template of your own expression of an Adam or an Eve. Your seeds just need water to grow and bloom into the sacred human you were meant to be. But the false self part of you which is created in order to fit into the barren world for which you are born keeps you small and denied of this food. Your false selves use stories such as the distorted one that we just mentioned to keep you from letting in the love water and food that is actually always available to you.”

The Garden of Eden lives inside your heart, you think about this. You like the idea of it and you like the idea of having a seed of sacred human essence that is just waiting to bloom. The idea of a false self, for now, is one that is hard to digest.

“How do I get the water for my seed to bloom?” You are already wondering how bloomed your seed is compared to Adam’s. To your husband or wife’s. To your other family members or friends.

Adam gets up, beginning to head for the door. “It’s not something that you can get,” he says. “It’s only something that you can let in.”

He turns to you one last time and you miss his warmth and comfort already. “And, to be able to do that, you need to feel the parts of you who are afraid to let it in and why they are afraid,” he says. “This is a process of healing that will take some amount of time, energy, and passion for you to be part of. In the meantime, you will have to give up some things that you are currently very attached to because it is most likely your false self which is attached to them. Any relationship, things, or belief systems that are used to keep you from feeling what your parts and you are authentically feeling will need to be felt into being let go off. There will be many of them and it will be very, very hard. You would only choose to do this if your desire to bloom into your sacred human essence is strong. You would only choose this if you feel a deep loneliness and also a desire to be in deep connection with a heart mate like I described. You would only choose this if you want to deeply know and love your Creator in way that goes much beyond what your religions have offered. You would only choose this if it feels like the only and best way that is being offered to you at this time and if, it feels as if you were meant…”

“To choose it,” you say, finishing his sentence.

He nods softly, saying, “Take your time to feel into this choice, especially now that you and parts of you know what is at stake. Now that you know that basically everything that you have known from your world will be questioned and felt into and potentially need to be let go of, even if for only a phase of time, if that’s what feels right. Now that you have met and experienced Eve and I, take your time to feel into if you want to stay with us and continue your journey.”

He puts his palms together and bows in your direction. You return the gesture, your head spinning and heart churning with all that you’ve experienced and taken in already.

He continues, “If you decide not to, we will send you back to your home with some sadness but also complete acceptance of your decision. If you decide to stay, I promise you that you and your life will not remain unchanged. I promise you that you will experience love in ways and in depths that you cannot even dream or imagine possible at this moment. And I promise you that Eve and I will be there to support and guide you all along your journey and so will your Creator so, in that, you will never really be alone again.”

He leaves you alone with your choices and your possibilities. He leaves you to take your time to “feel into” if you will say yes or no. You curl up on the pillows, wrapping a blanket around your body even though the tropical breezes keep you perfectly cool. You close your eyes, imagining how it would be to leave everything that you’ve come to know as your world and potentially the people in it in order to embark on a new adventure into the garden of your inner Eden. You imagine how it would be to get to know these parts of yourself that Adam has described: your inner child, innocent and shy; your Daemon, tortured yet beloved soul guardian; your false self, self-protective and wanting to keep you safe.

You begin to hope that your husband or wife or girlfriend or boyfriend would want to join you too and that maybe you could have the kind of relationship that Adam and Eve do. You begin to hope that you could feel the Creator the way that Adam described and perhaps feel the part of you that hates God. You begin to wonder how and if you could ever give up that hope and risk to let anything and anyone go who doesn’t serve your most authentic self.

Or maybe you feel only like resting and sleeping for a while. Letting the love and possibilities seep into your starved heart and soul. Doing their magic while you sleep in the arms of unseen angels. You fall asleep resting into the sense, at least in the moment, that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

And, you are.

Getting Our Emotional Needs Met Through Parts Work

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

Inner-Child

From the moment we are born, we are being taught how to survive and get our basic needs meet. Our caregivers provide us (most of us in the western world anyway) with food, shelter, and the essentials to help us grow and thrive. They also offer us templates for how to deal with our emotional needs which, in most families, is about not having them at all. We are non-mental, purely emotional and energetic beings as babies, so our reactions to our environment are unfiltered and undefended. We scream when we are upset. We cry when we want something. We fuss when our emotional needs are not being met. We coo and smile when we are in joy. We quickly learn which of these reactions are met with approval and love by our caregivers and which are not. When we scream and cry, we might receive comforting but usually we receive more food and a diaper changing. When we are happy, we receive more attention and love to fortify this expression.

In my experience working with parts or subpersonalities of people and in myself for ten years, it is during even this early time that parts of us and our false self begin to form and the pure, undefended reactions of our authentic self start to be covered over. Parts of us form when we experience pain or trauma from this life or past lives that is undigested and becomes stuck in our subconscious at the time it happened. If our emotional needs could be met in those moments and our pain felt by a loving, heart open other person, the part becomes unstuck and the pain digested through.

This is the digestion process that the SoulFullHeart Way of Life offers us. Through identifying, getting to know through journaling, and having parts felt by a SFH facilitator during sessions, the parts in us that have subconsciously formed begin to heal and eventually integrate into the growing authentic self called the SFH self. The SFH self is who we were meant to be if we’d experienced that our emotional needs were met in every moment and our pain and traumas were able to be digested. The SFH self is the seed of our sacred humanity as a child of Divine parents and is able to hold the parts in a loving, supportive way that provides what we need to heal. The SFH self meets the needs of the parts in a healthy emotional way by feeling them rather than providing them with medications in the form of codependent relationships, substance abuse, and other means that the false self part of us uses to distract and numb our feelings.

Since we are not taught how to meet our own emotional needs nor did we receive a healthy emotionally healthy template from our families (to the degree that they didn’t receive one!), we have to learn this for ourselves though a reconditioning process where the emotional needs of all parts of us is primary to us. The process of healing with parts is ultimately a temporary one, necessary only because in this phase of human consciousness we have placed a priority on mental attainment, physical achievement, family security, codependent relationships, self image creation, superficial entertainment, and material possession. Until we embrace as a culture that our emotional health and healing is the primary way that we filter reality, we need processes such as SoulFullHeart to bring us back into our natural and healthy balance.

I feel the Divine Mother offering that this is an important step to healing ourselves, our planet, and our relationships with each other. There are other steps and paths, yet allowing for the reality of parts seems to bring a catalytic and lasting transformation to our species-long quest for answers, meaning, deeper purpose, and, most importantly, to finally getting our emotional needs met.

 Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and to find out about our new life assessment session offered over in person or over the phone.

Being Vulnerably On The Altar Of Our Humanity And Our Divinity

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

man-praying-silhouette1

By Wayne Vriend

Recently, part of me was feeling anxiety about money feeling tight, and I could feel initially the background emotional tension around it. This same part of me has also been deeply feeling the very edge of deep change that we are on now in our world, and of course anxiety about how that will affect Jillian and I personally as it plays out.

I connected with this part of me through a journaling dialogue on pen and paper and felt its desire to reach out to the Divine Mother for guidance, I received the following guidance from the Divine Mother to this part of me:

“You must be willing to feel how all of life is vulnerable. Life is powerful, alive, amazing, and also vulnerable. Of course you feel anxiety in life. It is part of life. The stress comes when you are not willing or able to feel that life is vulnerable. You need the freedom to say ‘I feel afraid,’ when you feel that way, and recognize when you do. There are no guarantees. There is fear; there is desire; there is you and there is me.

THAT is why living life with your heart open is so courageous. You feel yourself, instead of medicating over your desires and hopes and fears. You tremble in the arms of me, Mother, if that is what you need to do. You curl up and ache and bawl on the floor if that is what comes. You have your own private and manageable nervous breakdown right there. You are all alone in one way and yet so held and loved, like you’ve never known, and like you cannot ever forget.

Life re-arises and comes back into focus, and even with strength and power, but these are not things you use to medicate the feelings of life’s never ending vulnerability, but instead feel your share in being unalterably on the altar of humanity and Divinity at the same time.”

This part of me felt so relieved and encouraged to feel the aliveness that comes from not suppressing vulnerable feelings and instead embracing them, owning them and making them mine. I have and get to play with power, and creativity, and purpose, but inside of a container of need and dependence and never ending reality of being a beloved child of my Divine parents.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Experiencing Authentic Social Connections

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

group

By Christian Tydeman

Social connections.  We all desire to be a part of something bigger.  Without these connections we feel lost, alone, and scared.  We are naturally social creatures.  Our heart and souls require connectivity for purpose and support.  But the kind of connections we have and make can keep us small or challenge us to be big.  They can serve us or confine us.

Our first experience of this social web is our family.  They leave the biggest imprint on us and this guides us in our formation of future independent connections.  There are school connections, interest connections, work connections, and connections of connections.  Some of us have but a few, others have hundreds (or thousands if you feel a Facebook ‘friend’ is a connection).  

In all of these myriad of bonds, how many are authentic to you?  Why are they there?  Maybe they have a function.  Someone to talk sports with, someone to hear music with, someone to cry with, someone to laugh with.  Maybe you feel obligated because they are family, your “best” friend, or they have no one else to connect with.  How honest can you be with them?  How challenging can they be with you?

For most of my life, a part of me chose the safest connections.  The ones that were least resistive or challenging.  The ones that kept him safe and comfortable.  This part was, and to some degree still is, very much obligated to family connections even if they didn’t resonate with him any longer.  To truly live into my soul experience, I had to temporarily withdraw from these connections.  This was a difficult choice and one that this part of me regrets on some level.  

Magdalene offers me that our social web be created from the inside out.  We must feel ourselves in our loving authenticity and then create bonds that nurture and challenge its growth.  To stay in contact with someone that does not resonate with your higher purpose is not self-loving to you or compassionate to them as you are just enabling their fear of growth and change.

But sometimes we may need to back into these bonds.  Our parts may need to feel them again in relation to how we are now.  We may need to own something that we did to them.  They may own something they didn’t feel before.  New ground may surface or not.  Regardless, we get to feel ourselves again in a new way, in contrast to who we were.  We get to heal our heart and feel our soul journey with more clarity.

And to that, Magadalene says…Amen.  

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

SoulFullHeart Approach To Energy Healing

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment
Jillian feeling energy with a tree near Shannon Falls, BC
Jillian feeling energy with a tree near Shannon Falls, BC

By Jillian Vriend

The SoulFullHeart way of life advocates for integration of emotional and spiritual consciousness leading to holistic healing and that our experience as humans in a physical body is a sacred one. A key difference between us and other energy healing methods is that we offer that negotiation with our Daemon or soul guardian is what allows for our natural gifts as healers to express and be offered. If these gifts are coming through the pipeline of a wounded Daemon, which they are to the degree that someone doesn’t have emotionally conscious connection with them, then the person who is serving the healing is also sharing their wounding and congestion from this life and past lives and even from previous energy sessions with the person they are serving. For this reason, I wouldn’t receive energy healing from anyone that wasn’t actively in emotional connection and negotiation with their Daemon.

When I have met and even received healing from healers in the past who haven’t differentiated from their Daemons, I’ve experienced that they may be able to serve energy to others but they may not actually be very emotionally or energetically sensitive or embodied in practical ways in the everyday world.

After offering energy healing to anyone who wanted it for a period of time, I stopped doing that because I realized that I was taking in toxicity and emotional, spiritual, and energetic wounding from others who hadn’t felt their parts or negotiated with their Daemons in order to allow the loving energies (which mostly come from the Divine Mother for me) into their heart and souls. Their resistance would literally push out stuff at me and I would be left feeling tired and as if it did no lasting good. I also was left feeling that I had invaded parts of them that didn’t actually want the healing and might have very good reasons for feeling that way.

Now, I will only serve SoulFullHeart energy to those who are embracing the SoulFullHeart way of life and working with a SFH facilitator.  I also don’t just serve energy to them in one time sessions, I engage them and their Daemon in active collaboration over time with me, so that they are empowered to help and to deepen their own gifts in this area. I’m also very transparent about what I am doing, what I am seeing, feeling, and hearing, and I feel the parts and their reactions along the way. Since I’ve already established a trusting rapport with the facilitant and  their parts, this is an easy conversation with them and they help the energy to move much more quickly, deeply and effectively than I could have alone.

I feel that this collaboration and transparency allows the energy healing to have much deeper results as the parts and their Daemon aren’t resisting, or negating the movement. This is why I feel that many people go to energy healers and only feel temporary relief, but don’t experience lasting change and transformation on an emotional level. We store toxic frequencies and wounds and even objects in our etheric bodies, yet just moving them out doesn’t address the root cause of the wounds in the first place. It is our process and holding of our parts and our daemon in negotiation and cooperation that allows them to move out energies, but only after we’ve felt them first. In SoulFullHeart, we recommend a SoulFullHeart energy healing session to someone after three to six months of them working with their parts and especially if they have access to their Daemon.

My main sense is that we all have as sacred humans the capacity to offer ourselves and others energy healing frequencies which can heal and purify us. Connecting with and feeling our Daemons allows for these gifts to become more freely and cleanly expressed, especially if we have persecution wounds in our past lives, which most of us do. In another way, there is nothing special about being able to offer energy healing and I love feeling when others are empowered through connection with their own souls to be able to provide this (and intuitive, psychic and direct communication with the Divine as well) for themselves and others whenever they need it. This is what I’ve been offered by the Divine Mother is possible as we more deeply inhabit our sacred human essence through healing and feeling our parts and Daemons.

I feel a desire to serve others through the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life who have identified themselves as healers (even as we all have that capacity) as I feel their call to serve has noble roots and motives. I ache for them to embrace their own emotional and spiritual healing first and foremost and then feel what desire to serve comes from the ground of new self worth and love with the Divine which arises from embracing SoulFullHeart. It’s about offering them a new way of seeing and feeling it from the old way that feels like it is running out of ground and perhaps also not really working anymore. A new way that honors all of us as sacred humans with the capacities to heal, to offer healing, and to integrate our realities- both those we can physically see and those we can’t.

Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Experiencing Life.  Also, In The Arms Of Mother is a new book now available by Jillian Vriend exploring conscious connection with the Divine Mother.