Raphael Awen

Can You Come Out To Play?

Published on August 2, 2017August 1, 2017 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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What would it take for you to come out and play again?

I know deep down, you really want to. But something has you to itself right now.

Is it a sadness that the joys you once had so much fun with are gone now?… And you don’t know how you could ever have that much fun again?

Or is it that you can’t see who would want to be with you and have your kind of fun?

I’m not trying to figure you out. You’re way too big of a being to be figured out. I just want you to come out to play again when you are ready to.

I do feel something for you, if you’d let me share it with you?

I can feel that life as you once knew it changed somehow, and you knew some really cool joys in that old life, but that life dried up and went away. You found something really, really cool, and now it’s gone. Now, you’re sad, and that’s okay.

I think I know something else too that I’d like to share with you if you’d let me. And that is that when people lose things like you lost, they don’t actually let themselves feel what they lost and how sad they actually are. They keep their tears inside. I did that for a long time. It’s like we don’t arrange and attend the funeral. I think I know something too about why we tend to do that, that it is about how we are afraid the tears will swallow us somehow, and we will be no more.

If that’s true, then it means people do actually want to come out and play again, I mean, if they are afraid of being no more, right? Because being no more, would mean never to ever play again.

What if life is trying to bring you your next kind of play that really is your kind of funnest fun, but you aren’t sure you are ready to risk losing again?,…because you haven’t seen how losing isn’t as sad as it seems, if you let yourself be sad, then the sadness moves, and you get to come out and play again…

You didn’t have to find the play that you once loved so much. It found you, and fun is trying to find you again.

I think that’s just the way it is. People are afraid to be sad because they aren’t sure they are ready just yet for their next fun, their next play.

It’s okay if you don’t think so. That’s just the way I do. I can be sad with you, if you’d like me to…., to feel what you lost and then maybe we can share tears together, which is one kind of play I like to have whenever I need to.

I’ve lost lots of things, but I always find that new things are wanting and ready to come in.

(From the beloved younger part of me called Marvin)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. You can make a one time donation to SoulFullHeart at https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Everything Waits To Be Noticed

Published on August 1, 2017 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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By Raphael Awen

Everything waits to be noticed, as everything also wants to be caught up in noticing.

I’m here with my words wanting to be noticed, as well as wanting to be carried away in the gift of noticing.

As I tumbled into the kitchen the other day, having slept in, Jelelle said ‘Man, you can be soo cute when you wake up in the morning!’. The words and feeling tones of that noticing are still going into a part of me.

The real current and currency underneath life is this give and take of reverence. Nothing and no one can escape this economy of noticing.

People will say that money makes the world go around, but money is merely one form of the reverence I speak to. And if you revere money over reverence itself, you are sure to diminish it in quality if not also in quantity.

Nothing can take the place of this reverence. People will say or energize that they don’t need anything, but even this act is a request to be noticed for something.

Every revered thing only gets its value by the value we imbue it with, for this is what we are… ones who have the power to impute worth, and thereby meaning.

We create our own worlds by that which we give our attention to.

Whether it’s deep meditation, or a walk in the forest, or attending a monster truck event, we are all out desiring to be caught up in notice, in both giving and receiving it.

If you’ve never tried it before, try giving the gift of your attention for several minutes to something, like an insect, or a plant, or even a so called ‘inanimate’ object like a stone, or a coveted and well crafted object, like a smartphone, or a piece of furniture. Feel the object taking in your attention. Feel the object as it feels you feeling it. If you can feel this, you are truly the hottest stuff that the universe is made up of! Everything comes from Gaia and everything returns to Gaia. How cool to feel that! Now go one step more and feel the object noticing you, noticing your noticing. Feels its curiosity about you? Feel how you are changed by receiving the gift of reverence directed back at you.

Another way we can receive this gift we crave so deeply is feeling how when we do give reverence out to what we call an other, that there is, on a deeper level, no other, for we are all one. Reverence given is reverence received. We are always the first partakers of the gardens we cultivate in this way.

But what about the parts of us who don’t yet get much juice out of the we-are-all-one picture? Can we feel a part of ourselves AS a sacred part of ourselves, with uniquenesses that are wanting to be felt and noticed?

I get to feel how ‘I am you’ as I feel how and in what ways ‘I am not you’. This is true for parts of ourselves in the same way. We are a makeup of distinct beings living their separate timelines and realities inside of us awaiting our notice.

It’s in that noticing of separateness that we are afforded a return to wholeness.

Finding And Feeling The Rage Part Of Ourselves

Published on July 30, 2017 by Raphael Awen2 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

For those of us who survived on being nice, relatable and kind, finding and feeling our rage can be a long time in the making, as well as an ongoing journey beyond that too.

Rage just isn’t welcome or seen as productive in any way. Parts of us had to form to cap our rage in order to survive. Part of us, or a whole cast of varied parts of us, had to form in cooperation to bury our rage, to somehow channel it, yet never interface with its raw killer energy.

I just experienced a surprising reconnection with my own rage after years of consciously working with it, where I needed to welcome anew the part of me who feels that its rage will implode my life and relationships as I know it/them now.

When I channel the raw rage feeling of particularly what it was like as a child to let parents win a tantrum battle, I feel the intense feelings of ‘I’d kill you right now if I wasn’t smaller than you.’ As an adult, I haven’t killed anyone, let alone my parents, or even truly blasted someone with my rage, so where then does this go?

(And if you claim not to have any rage, please move along and make room for those of us who do!)

Even the part of us who holds the rage can so try to mute or edit itself. This leaves YOU muted and edited in some degree shape or form. Until we can integrate our rage, we are left living someone else’s life, by someone else’s rules, for scraps of love.

Trying to access this energy without feeling it as a subpersonality within us is actually just the part of us trying to hold space for itself, without a me or you there. It leaves the original wound in place, which is not the rage, but rather the suppression and inability to digest the rage. The rage needs to be felt by an ‘other’, rather than stewed in. Feeling by an other allows for movement. We can be this other if we are willing to feel our parts.

Until we can show up as an adult like parent energy of an authentic self and feel our rage, as a living being part of us, we are left disconnected from key aspects of our power and safety and love in the world.

Rage is not the source of our conflicts. The source of our conflicts is found in the inability to digest our rage. That’s a huge difference.

If this resonates for you and you’d like help finding and feeling your own rage part, I’d like to invite you check out SoulFullHeart and personal session space with me. I would be delighted to serve your genuine interest and desire.

Wherever You Go, There You Are

Published on July 30, 2017 by Raphael Awen3 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

The saying ‘wherever you go, there you are’ is true for all of us.

We can dream of what a change in location or what a change in relationships will look and feel like, but actually taking the steps faces us with the stuff we just couldn’t see in advance, as much as we may have tried.

This is the alchemy of the unknown, and why it takes courage to choose it. When we are younger and more naive, we may be surprised by the pushbacks that occur in our newly chosen mini paradises, but as we mature some, we know the choice of change, even a choice we really desire, will face us with challenges, and that aspects of the content of these challenges can’t be known prior.

Our souls are not afraid of any of these challenges and even invites them, and yet, our identity self, the part of us most attached to our idea of who and what we are, can and usually has huge resistance to flowing in change.

Here is where loving and recognizing and negotiating with all aspects of our being comes into play. One is not from God and the other from Satan. One is not of the flesh and the other of the spirit. One is not for you and the other against you. All are you. All are part of love finding their way, from their awareness, from their motive of love, awaiting a you that can bridge and reconcile to their worlds.

Opposition and conflict inside of us is now no longer a surprise, but something to expect and respond to. Why else did we come here, but to discover our own trouble in paradise? We needed story and time and place as the soil of our growth.

All of this is process. Process is the arena within which we move, and live and have our being.

Where do you want to go? What changes are you aching to make? I don’t have any instant fixes, (as you don’t actually need one) but I do have a developed sacred process called SoulFullHeart that tailors to the individual and I invite you to check it out. I’d love to serve you and your movements as it would be part of my sacred process and movement to serve yours.

The Moral Phase Of Our Consciousness

Published on July 28, 2017July 30, 2017 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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By Raphael Awen

All of our moral injunctions of you or I being more or less of this or that are a phase of consciousness that is now completing.

Happy and grateful campers are definitely easier to be around and we all prefer them, but if they are not that at present, telling them that they should be cannot take them to that natural place.

It may be true that someone really ‘ought to be grateful’, and their ingratitude is going to limit their life. But the true, deep and real gratitude that this person really needs is not the kind that can be conjured up from duty or obligation, or from your or my reminder.

Duty and obligation were at best only able to make us more polite, make us able to maneuver and even manipulate in 3D consciousness. Now, however, we are being invited beyond into the essence of the thing, into where the signpost of the moral could direct us, but could never actually transport us.

Real gratitude of an overflowing reverence and appreciation for life, and feeling the gift of life in any and all circumstances is only real for someone when it is real. It’s an awesome destination that feels really good to find ourselves in, but the beauty of it is in the absence of any duty being in the recipe that brought us there, where the gratitude just is what is because of something different and alive in our relationship to life and love.

We know the preferred destination now. We know what it looks and feels like. We don’t actually need the signposts anymore. We can remove them. You no longer ought to be this or that. You no longer are subject to any penalty for not being this or that. In fact, you can be totally ungrateful if you want to be for whatever reasons you want to, or even need to. You get to explore being you from the ground of what you most deeply want.

While we still seem bounded by cause and effect in relation to our choices and actions, these effects are only data helping us find our true way, rather than any imposition or penalty or control by a bigger than us outside force determining our future.

This is the highway that can take you to this high way of being, where only what is true and authentic for you can actually satisfy or provide pleasure. If you are not having fun in your forced gratitude, what valid reason could you come up with for pressing yourself to be that way? What service of love to yourself or others would this forced gratitude provide? Removing these judgments allows a healthy new something to ask the same question in reverse about if you are really having your funnest fun in your INgratitude.

Only now are we free to be in the freedom that we actually ARE at the core of our being.

We could not actually be more free, but the conditioning of should in effect shields this reality from being felt and lived into.

We needed the phase of consciousness of should-based duty and obligation to point us somewhere.

Now, we want to get on with living into the real destination.

And I can tell you right now, I know what I want. I want to be found more and more caught up in deep reverence for the magic of life and love, that is beyond duty and obligation, that is beyond any circumstance of what I have or don’t have, and yet is able to move and change circumstance….because THAT is a new picture of how big I actually am….and I’d like to hang around with people who want to be in their bigness, so our bigness can get a chance to come out and play!

Audio of this blog post can be found here:

Loving The Less To Know The More

Published on July 27, 2017 by Raphael Awen3 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

The secret to letting-in the more we desire is about feeling and even loving the less we presently have. I can’t healthily embrace more without owning the less.

Without a relationship with more AND less, I am left polarized and stuck to more, and unable to move in flow with true abundance.

In my life, I have known a decades long relationship with having stuff, and accumulating more stuff on top of that stuff, along with all the stress and ingrained push-pull fear of losing that stuff. Then, in the last number of years, I chose to embrace a conscious relationship with how I was relating to my stuff, which led to a number of natural and guided choices to let it go, including leaving behind a 30 year ‘lucrative’ career. I remember and even miss at times many of the material goodies of the old life, but what I am really feeling is how they were taken for granted and couldn’t be let in for the love that they were. In a very real way, you could say that I was immune to abundance while living in it. Now, at present coming to know less, and even love this less, I am afforded a previously missing piece to truly coming to know abundance intimately.

Over holding material or non-material forms of love can be likened to resisting breathing trying to keep our lungs full of air for fear of not finding our next breath. We are left in stasis and unable to move.

The secret of so called ‘anti gravity’ devices that can ‘defy’ gravity actually is found in that they embrace gravity so deeply that they feel it’s counterpart of levity and in marrying the two, a way to do what we call ‘defying gravity’ occurs. Holding both energies of levity and gravity is what allows for ascension, descension, and maneuverability. If we want to ‘defy lack’, we will have to get past our resistance to lack and instead marry ‘having’ and ‘not-having’ in a similar way.

In this similar kind of way, I AM both more AND less. I possess both. Both want to live in me and be able to be dialled ‘up’ or ‘down’, as need be through my supple emotional body and expanded energy body.

You and I are being invited into the place where the concept of ‘working for a living’ is coming to truly be a part of our antiquity past, a relic of a previous inability to find our lungs of true abundance, letting in, letting out, as need be.

If I am abundance, then any experience of lack must only be occurring for me as part of the super-abundant and super-intelligent abundance that I AM. My mind no doubt wrestles with the paradox of this and even aches for the new timeline beyond the lack, and to be in the manifest abundance that I desire, but as I feel how the present manifestation of less is actually a manifestation of the more that I am, I am growing in my ability to manifest the life I desire, filled with true super-abundant pleasure and love in all of its forms.

Everything You Feel Is Alive

Published on July 26, 2017August 3, 2017 by Raphael Awen5 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

Everything you feel is alive.

The ‘negative’ feelings of pain or sorrow, or longing do not ‘negate’ anything. They are part of the truest thing about you.

If anything could be seen as a ‘negating’ energy in your emotional body, it would be the unwillingness to actually feel yourself and what is actually going on for you. Cut off from feeling your needs or having space to feel a loss, you are left disconnected from yourself and all that you are.

This ‘all that you are’ is a true portal into the deep more that you desire. It is also a mystery that cannot be explained or quantified or solved, but instead can be surrendered to, lived into, with curiosity and reverence.

If it is change you desire, would you be willing to feel this desire as deeply as you currently can? Would you tune in the feeling of the despair of not realizing that desire and then see where that leads?

It could be choices that were not apparent before that are steps towards larger choices, along with a strange new courage to act that wasn’t there before. It could be an opened well of self love springing up from the awareness that you get to feel all there is to feel. You get to be fully human in an ever expanding way. It could be the strange and overwhelming experience of seeing a universe of reality in a dandelion’s beauty, courage and super intelligence, only without a drug/hallucination kind of mediated opening.

You get to fall in love with yourself in ways that open you out to wonder and curiosity and love with others.

You get to also have the gift of others curiosity about you as you live into this same curiosity about yourself and each part of your being.

You get to suspend your answers long enough to re-open the very mutual QUESTions and deep vulnerabilities we all share.

Part Of Me Does. Part Of Me Doesn’t

Published on July 26, 2017 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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By Raphael Awen

Part of me does. And part of me doesn’t.

Coming to recognize yourself as a make up of parts as opposed to a single personality is in my opinion and experience the single greatest step to emotional and spiritual consciousness awakening that I know of.

It can be seen and felt how, in our attempt to come across as a single personality, we have suppressed other parts of ourselves who are not at all aligned with our dominant personality presentation to our world around us.

While parts of ourselves can be suppressed, they can never be eliminated from our BEing. Many of us are now feeling the futility of any and all fixes rooted in these kinds of an eradication-of-the-self picture.

Psychology and psychiatry’s attempt has been to label the presence of our subpersonalities as ‘multiple personality disorder’, when we are now coming to see and feel that the real disorder is not the presence of our subpersonalities, but rather the suppression of them into an attempted and highly stressful ‘single personality disorder’.

Your and my difficulty can be traced to this stress of attempting to be a single personality when you in fact are far from it. The ‘you’ who dominates your personality may well see itself as a single personality, and even the only personality ‘at home’, but many of us are seeing beyond these bounds to see and feel that we are more than this dominant personality that has shown up to do our lives for us and as us.

Years ago, in my personal experience with a business coach and his program, I had become quite focused and elated with the results as I had doubled my business income in the year prior. I knew however that I was suppressing another side of myself in order to stay positive and wanted to ask him directly about it, half expecting a quick fix and shallow answer. My question was about how to deal with depression when it appeared threatening the focus and energy. His reply to me was a one sentence question that went into me like a spiritual and emotional surgery that I felt I was in a kind of recovery from for the next 10 days. He simply asked “have you ever considered that a part of you has a very good reason for feeling this way?” These simple words contained a deep and next going-on place in my spiritual journey, that in the next months ahead, naturally resulted in the dismantling of my life as I knew it.

I share with you those same words now. Have you ever considered that a part of you has very good reasons for feeling the ways that it does? …for being attached to the things that it is? …for being resistant to other parts of you? …for being shut down?

If this is true, if this resonates into your being, then I think you can feel it changes everything. All the spiritual practices and self improvement practices that don’t see this model of reality will need to be set aside for new ones that do.

The idea of ‘you’ ‘overcoming’ an ‘unwanted’ ‘addiction’ and ‘getting it behind you’ for instance, is all a picture from the Single Personality Disorder parallel universe you are preparing to leave behind. Now, the concept and feeling tones of instead getting to know the part of you who needs the addiction along with getting to know the part of you wanting to overcome the addiction becomes the new reality.

All of this hinges on an emerging awareness and consciousness of an authentic self, rooted in your higher self who would be willing to relationally get to know all these varied parts of your being, their individual takes on reality with curiosity and love, without therapy agendas. This can be likened to a reparenting experience where we are receiving the water of heart open love that we are meant to flourish in.

It has become popular recently to speak of the need for self-love and even to see that without healthy self love, there can’t be a healthy love for others. But what this picture has not yet offered is a way to transact a love flow with the self because it is still rooted in the single personality picture. Love, just like in valentines, always flows ‘to’ and ‘from’. If we are going to deeply embrace self love, we are going to need a way to get to know and relate with every aspect of our being.

Only now, as we embrace our parts, can we return to the wholeness and essence that we always were and remain, but were forced to let go of in the experience of becoming human.

If these words resonate for you and you’d like to act on a profound next step that you can verify and self validate as you go, I’d like to personally offer you the session space and process of SoulFullHeart. You can read more about that here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

I look forward to hearing from you when you are ready.

I Am Thee I Am

Published on July 24, 2017 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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By Raphael Awen

Michael Guss sweetly asked the question below and I felt to feel into it and respond. Like all really good QUESTions, they move us on our quest!

Michael asked: “Something I never encountered yet explained – although referred to frequently – is a definition/explanation of the meaning of “I AM” and “I AM presence” etc. I just never saw it explained anywhere. I have an intuitive idea of the meaning and I’d love to get a bit more externally. Would you mind to give me a link or point me toward a source or even see it as an opportunity to educate/share through your own words/work? Many thanks.”

The first thing that comes to me is that there is only one ‘I am’. You are it and it is you.

While it’s true that we could say, that we ‘share’ in consciousness, it feels also accurate to say that all consciousness in its totality exists in us. We are a fractal reality, where the all is contained in each and every part. This is because we are not actually separate, but have just been afforded the growth illusion ground of having an adequately convincing experience of being separate.

I keep coming back to the meaning of the word ‘in-divi-dual’ which means something like ‘a two-ness that can’t be divided’ which is a mathematical paradox because 2 can be divided into one and one. This hints at the essence of our being which is pure essence AND pure experience at the same time. We get to have the experience of being separate, while not actually being separate. This feels like the great experiment that consciousness (which is love) wanted and needed to play with and for which we volunteered.

I am one and inseparable with you and yet I have boundaries with you. Both are true. We are in a two-ness that can’t be divided reality. I am unconditional love with all and yet, I am also conditional love with others in transaction ground with healthy boundaries where I can advocate for what I want and need and say ‘no’ to what I don’t want.

I get to be in the magic of duality and non-duality at the same time.

When Moses was confronted by a burning bush to go tell Pharaoh to release God’s people from captivity, he asked God whom he should claim had sent him and the voice answered “Tell him the ‘I Am’ hath sent thee”. This is the only authorization there is for all of consciousness AND experience, for duality and non-duality, our reason for BEing, our reason for bondage and liberty, for sorrow and joy, for wound and healing, the experiment of the ‘I am’ out seeking a way to know itself. We are the sent ones of the I am.

All is contained in love, and all is the I am, and nothing can ever be, or ever was, …separate.

Okay, let me pause there and allow space for others insights! What a cool subject, and one that we could keep intuiting on and on and on.

Thank you Michael for your question and I await yours and others input and insights…

The Return To Desire

Published on July 24, 2017 by Raphael Awen2 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

The only place any real growth can occur is in the gap between what you have and what you desire to have.

If you don’t desire anything more than what you have, in whatever area of your life, you are at present satiated.

As proverbs says: ‘a full soul loathes a honeycomb’.

Returning to growth will require the courage to re-own your appetite, especially if you’ve worked so hard to get it suppressed to where you did.

Returning to your quest will call upon your deepest QUESTions, and dusting off the clutter and clamour of the answers that once soothed, but now only block the very oxygen your heart and soul is aching for.

Entire spiritual practices, belief systems, social circles and ways of doing life will most likely need to be renegotiated with and very often completely let go of in the process of returning to desire.

Most often, when we set out to kill desire, we subconsciously set up huge infrastructure in our lives to support that suppression. We co-sign mutual contracts with others who are at this same phase as us that we are now going to have to renege on.

Desire cannot be killed. It is pure life energy itself, that can morph and change, but never cease to exist. Even the phase of suppressing desire is part of desire’s dance of helping you come to new terms with it.

You may have lost touch with desire, but desire has not lost touch with you.

Try writing it a letter. Begin with something like ‘Dear Desire, Where have you gone in my life? What have parts of me tried to do to you? What is it you are really wanting? How could we find each other again? Love, Me’ Then wait for a response and write that out. Allow for a penpal back and forth as need be.

Desire itself will rekindle in you in a powerful way if you are ready to trust the process.

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com

If you’d like some serious help returning to and rekindling desire and are ready to admit the answers you have have been killing your growth, I invite you to check out the SoulFullHeart healing and community path. We have a beautiful doorway in through session space that is magical when you are ready for it, and that as you walk through it, you can confirm if this is your next going on place.

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