By Raianna Shai
I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.
I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.
I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.
But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.
I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!
In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love
My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface
Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear
I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself
You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity
I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too
Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.